


Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart

by Shadowbender16



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki - Freeform, Angst, Conflict, Drama, F/M, Konoha - Freeform, Romance, Uchiha Massacre
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 64
Words: 173,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowbender16/pseuds/Shadowbender16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all a lie. He was a lie. Did their history mean anything? Did he ever care, or did Uchiha Itachi string her along? Did he put on a mask and use her as a cover? And after all that, why was she still so unable to turn away?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #1

"The water feels so nice. You should try it Itachi," Kokoa smiled, pushing strands of her silky, ebony hair behind her ears.

"I'm fine as I am," He replied, leaning back with his hands planted in the grass.

"I only have my feet in. Just throw off your shoes, and cool down a bit."

"Why do you insist I dip my feet in the lake?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it's hot out, you're always so stressed, and because I said so." She pointed at him.

"You have a point, but still, no thanks."

"What if I shove you?"

"Hu-" She threw him in before he could finish, or, at least that's what she thought.

"Not fair. You can't always use your fancy jutsu to escape me," she sighed.

"Fancy jutsu? You're techniques are more complicated than mine," he said, standing behind her.

"I doubt it, with your sharingan and your complicated clan history."

"Jealous?"

"I think I'll live. Besides, I excel at tai-jutsu. I'd rather beat someone with my bare hands." She made a fist. He looked down, smiling.

"The sun will set soon. I should head home before my father grows upset," he said.

"I wish we could watch it set just once, together."

"So do I, it's just…"

"I understand Itachi. He's your father. I won't be the one to make you go against his word."

"Thank you Kokoa. I'll see you tomorrow hopefully," he said, before kissing her forehead lovingly. She nodded, then started off in the opposite direction.

 

 

"I'm home," Itachi announced, slipping off his shoes.

"You're in trouble," Sasuke warned, running to his older brother.

"In trouble?"

"Mhm." He nodded.

"You aren't lying Sasuke, are you?"

"I wouldn't lie to you, Ni-san."

"Well thank you for warning me. You should run along before you get in trouble too," he smiled warmly. Itachi causally made his way through the house in hopes of escaping whatever trouble he was in. There it was, the door to his room. So close, so close, then,

"Itachi." Fugaku's intimidating voice sounded. Itachi sighed, closing his eyes.

"Yes father?" he replied, entering the room.

"You're late."

"Only a few minutes. I rushed home –"

"You're late."

"I understand." His gaze fell to the floor.

"Where were you?"

"With a friend."

"Playing with your friends will cloud your focus Itachi. You have a mission coming up in a few days."

"Oh Fugaku, he's a grown man. He always overworks himself. A couple of hours with friends won't do any harm," Mikoto said, taking a seat by her husband.

"He has a bright future ahead of him, but he won't reach it unless he focuses."

"I understand Father. Forgive me."

"You may go." He motioned with his hand. "Itachi?"

"Yes?" He stopped in the doorway.

"Who were you with?" Fugaku inquired, taking a sip of his tea. Itachi swallowed hard, but managed to keep control.

"Shisui." He disappeared from the room.

 

 

"How many times do I have to ask you? Please Itachi?" Sasuke whined, grabbing a hold of his brother's arm.

"Sorry Sasuke, some other time," he replied as always, with a poke to the forehead.

"If you won't help me train, who will?"

"Mother offered several times before. Where's father?"

"All he cares about is you Ni-san."

"Don't be like that Sasuke."

"It's true."

"He loves you, and so do I, but I really must go to speak with Hokage-sama. I'll be home soon. Maybe I'll help you when I return."

"Really!?"

"Maybe," he smirked, ruffling the child's hair.

"Oh Itachi?" Mikoto called out just before he left.

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I know you're a good person, and you're always so kind and honest, but tell me, truthfully Itachi, who were you with yesterday?" She faced him, drying her hands with a rag.

"I said, a friend."

"You also said it was Shisui, but I don't think it was." He remained silent.

"Your father isn't home." She whispered. "I won't tell. I'm curious is all. If anything, I want you to have some friends. You isolate, and drown yourself in work. I want you to smile once in a while."

"You don't know her." He finally gave in.

"Her? Name?"

"Kuroki Kokoa."

"Is she a friend, or…a friend?" She winked.

"Mother…" He sighed, embarrassed.

"Oh come on Itachi, I'm your mother. I'm actually a bit hurt that I had no idea you had feelings for a girl. Is she pretty?"

"Yes."

"Is she a kunoichi?"

"Yes."

"Do you loooove her?"

"Mother!"

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Just having a bit of fun. Be home for dinner dear." She giggled, tapping his nose.

"I will. Goodbye."

"Say hello to Kokoa for me."

"Dear God…" He rushed off before exploding.

 

 

"Uchiha Itachi. It's an honor to cross your path." Kokoa grinned, taking a bow.

"Hm, likewise Kuroki."

"Were you just at the Hokage's?"

"Just some last minute information about my mission tomorrow."

"I see. Don't die on me."

"I'll try," he chuckled. "I don't think I'll have a chance to see you again before I leave."

"Oh that's alright. I understand. I'm glad you're here now," she smiled.

"What do you have in the bag?" He pointed.

"Some food. I have none at home, and I'm hungry. I thought of preparing something really quick." She explained. He looked away sadly, knowing that every day she returned to an empty house. He wanted more than anything to invite her over for dinner. He was sure she and Mikoto would get along nicely, and she already loved little Sasuke. However, they both knew how strict Fugaku was, and the expectations and limits he placed on Itachi. The young Uchiha was worried how he could ever have a relationship, but Kokoa wasn't like others. She understood his responsibilities, his duties to his village, his clan, and father. She also trusted him. If Itachi said they were better off keeping their relationship a secret from his father, then he was right. She never questioned him.

"Kokoa?" he said, picking at his forehead protector. "I can't stay out for too long, but I would like to take you somewhere before I leave for my mission. I was thinking a café possibly."

"You sure do love your sweets, don't you?" She laughed. "I suppose there isn't a rule that says one must eat a proper meal before indulging in treats and desserts. Let's go."

 

He sat in the dark on the cold floor of his room, back against the wall, eyes closed, smiling ever so slightly at the memory of Kokoa giving him a shy kiss on the corner of his mouth before leaving the café. Sasuke went to bed hours ago. Fugaku and Mikoto were in their bedroom, leaving Itachi alone with his thoughts. Tomorrow's mission would be simple, but still, he couldn't help worrying over and planning every small detail. All he truly wanted was a successful mission, a pleased father, and time with Kokoa.

"I really want to watch the sun set…"

 

 

"Oi, Itachi!"

"Shisui? I'm about to leave for my mission. Talk about bad timing."

"Sorry, sorry. I just wanted to talk to you really quick about something," he said. Itachi furrowed his brow.

"I'm listening."

"Your father approached me, was it yesterday? Yes, yesterday."

"My father –" He froze upon realizing that Fugaku thought his son was with Shisui the other day.

"Yeah. He wanted to confirm that we were together the other day. I wasn't sure what he meant, but I had the feeling that if I said no, he would have been extremely upset, and I didn't want you to get in trouble, so I lied for you," he grinned.

"Thanks Shisui…how could I forget to tell you to cover for me if he asked?" he said more to himself.

"I figured whatever you were off doing meant something to you. What your father doesn't know won't hurt him. You do everything you're supposed to anyway. A little time to yourself isn't so bad."

"It seems as though everyone but my father keeps saying that."

"May I ask what you were up to, or is it that bad?"

"I was with someone is all." He shrugged.

"Someone eh?"

"Yes."

"Well since you're in a hurry, how about you tell me when you return, over some drinks maybe?" Shisui offered.

"I don't drink, and you know that. We're still too young, if you hadn't noticed."

"You're going to have to tell me eventually. You do trust me, don't you?"

"Of course I do. You're one of the few I actually trust."

"Good, good. Hurry back. This mission should be a breeze for you."

"I'll try. Goodbye Shisui." He nodded before heading out.

 

"Sasuke," she smiled, walking over to him.

"Kokoa, I haven't seen you in a long time." He greeted her by hugging her leg.

"It hasn't been that long, has it?" She put a finger to her chin.

"It has. I missed you."

"I missed you too. What are you up to?"

"Shuriken training. Father is always working or telling Itachi to do things, and Itachi is always doing the things he has to do, so I decided I'm training all by myself to get stronger," he declared.

"Well good for you. Practicing on your own is really good too. You'll get it in no time." She poked his chest.

"Do you know where your brother is? I know he came back from his mission, but I thought I'd give him a day or two to rest and all. I haven't seen him anywhere. He's not at the lake, is he?" she inquired.

"Nope."

"At home?"

"Nu uh."

"At the Hokage's office, the hospital, the library, the dango stand!?"

"No, no, no, and you would think, but nnnnooope!"

"Alright then Sasuke, where is your big brother?"

"I'll tell you if you help me."

"Help you – oh the training. I guess I can share a few tips. You're pretty smart for a kid."

"I am an Uchiha. Besides, I have to beat Itachi. I won't lose to him."

"It's not a competition," she laughed. "But I'll still help. Pay close attention. First of all, you have to get the grip down, but you seem to be holding it correctly. If you want to be really good, practice throwing it both vertically and horizontally. I'll show you both. Watch." She picked one up, positioned herself slowly so that he could see, then launched it, embedding it in the log.

"It's about shifting your weight, how you move your arm, and when you actually release the star."

"Oh I get it! Like this!" He snatched one and tried imitating her moves. He threw it alright, but missed his target. She watched him surprised.

_'I had more tips, but if he's happy with this, then I'm off the hook.' She thought to herself._

"You're getting it, you're getting it. Once you feel comfortable holding and releasing it, just work on your aim. Of course, being an Uchiha, you'll have it mastered by tomorrow right?"

"You bet!"

"So where is Itachi?"

"I last saw him going to the forest where he and I train sometimes."

"Thank you Sasuke. I'll see you around." She waved, running off.

 

"Wouldn't a nice soft bed or sofa be more comfortable than the trunk of a tree?"

"Kokoa?" Itachi looked up from his spot on the ground. "How did you know I'd be here?"

"I asked Sasuke. Of course, he charged me."

"Charged you?"

"I had to give him tips on shuriken throwing before he revealed where you were. Smart boy he is," she chuckled.

"Thank you for that. I've been meaning to help him out, but things just keep popping up," he explained.

"It's no big deal. He doesn't seem so bothered by it, or he at least understands that you would help, but you just have so much to do. He'll be fine. You, on the other hand, don't look so fine." She walked over, lowering herself beside him.

"I'm ok. No need to worry."

"It's a bit too late for that. Did something happen? Did the mission not turn out so well?"

"A member of my team was badly injured. He'll be fine, but it was pretty bad out there. I'm feeling…conflicted."

"Conflicted?"

"We succeeded, accomplished what we set out to do, but my father still isn't pleased. He's upset about the injury. Some things just can't be prevented. Other shinobi abandon fallen comrades, however, we didn't. The mission was a success, but someone got hurt. He makes it so that everything has to be perfect, flawless. He isn't satisfied. He never is. He takes away the joy of the success by bringing up the mistakes. Doesn't he think I feel guilty enough? I would do anything to keep my comrades safe. I tried, but many things are beyond our control."

"He's really pushing you, isn't he?"

"Yeah…I love my father, and I would do anything for him, but these expectations, these missions, it's overwhelming. I barely see my mother, and I never have time for you or Sasuke. I understand he wants me to do well in life and to make the Uchiha proud, but –"

"You're also a human being who has his own limitations and expectations," she finished. He nodded.

"I feel guilty for neglecting you."

"You don't neglect me. Itachi-san I understand your situation. I knew what this relationship would be like right from the start. Sure I don't see you every single day, but that makes the days that I do see you, all the more special. I love being with you, but I know we all live different lives, and we have to make sacrifices for the ones we care about. So please don't feel guilty." She took his hand.

"One day things will change. You'll break free and make your own path as a strong and noble shinobi, and you're father will accept it. This is the age where we struggle to find ourselves. You want to please your father, but at the same time, you want what makes you happy. It'll all work out in time. While you wait for it all to fall into place, you can always come to me for anything, but you already know that." She punched him playfully.

"Hm, I do, I do." He smiled, kissing the top of her head. "One day Kokoa…one day we'll get to watch the sun set."


	2. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #2

"So, you never told me who you were with when I covered for you."

"Shisui…" Itachi sighed, throwing his head back.

"I don't get why you're so against telling me. We are like brothers. If you don't want anyone else to know, then they won't. I'm a shinobi after all. My lips are sealed." He zipped his mouth.

"I was just hanging out with someone, relaxing by the lake."

"Do I know this someone?"

"I doubt it. I'm sure you've seen them around, but I'm not sure if you've worked together," he explained. Kokoa casually walked towards the two, on her way to the Hokage's for a meeting. She froze upon seeing Itachi.

 _'Should I talk to him, or keep going? I'm not sure if that guy is on Itachi's side, or his father's…'' s_ he thought. Itachi nodded slightly, indicating she could come.

"Itachi-san," she smiled.

"Hello Kokoa. This is Uchiha Shisui. He's a friend of mine."

"So you're the Shisui Itachi always talks about. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you as well, and…always talks about? Wait a second…" He turned to his friend.

"Is she who you were with?" he inquired. Itachi avoided his eyes. "Hah, she is, you are." He pointed at Kokoa.

"Wait…are you two…an item?"

"Shisui please –"

"Answer the question Itachi."

"Yes. We are."

"That's why you didn't want your father knowing."

"He says I don't have time for friends or games. Imagine what he would say if he knew I was seeing Kokoa. I won't risk it. What she and I have, it's good, and I'm not letting him end it."

"You can't keep hiding forever Itachi."

"I know, but at least until he isn't on my case all the time."

"I doubt that time will ever come. You're the clan's prodigy, the pride of the Uchiha. Everyone has their eyes on you," shisui said.

"That's why no one but my mother knows. She forced it out of me."

"How do you feel about all this?" Shisui turned to her.

"It's difficult at times, but Itachi means a lot to me. We didn't just meet. We were friends first. I'll do anything it takes to make this work."

"Dedication, I like it. She's a keeper." He nudged his friend.

"Shisui…now that you know, please keep it quiet."

"Of course Itachi. She obviously means a lot to you. I can tell just by the way you smiled when you saw her. I don't see that much, you smiling that is. I'll cover for you again if it comes to it."

"Thank you."

"I should head off before the Hokage gets angry. I'll see you two," she smiled, walking away.

"Huh, I never thought I'd live to see the day when Uchiha Itachi fell in love," shisui swooned.

"That's enough."

"How sweet. The elite shinobi also has a soft spot for a charming young girl."

"Are you finished?"

"Yes. Oh, your father would kill you if he knew."

"Thanks for reminding me Shisui."

"Anytime."

 

"Your father isn't home. He was called in for something," Mikoto said.

"Is that so?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, lying across the futon.

"You should help me practice instead of being so lazy," Sasuke commented.

"Sasuke, I just got home, and Father isn't here to order me around. Let me rest. Some other time, ok?"

"You always say that." He crossed his arms.

"Sasuke, how about you run over to Uruchi and Teyaki's bakery to pick up some senbei?" Mikoto suggested.

"I guess I'll go see Auntie and Uncle. Why not…" he mumbled.

"Itachi?" Mikoto said once Sasuke had left.

"Hm?" He glanced over. She motioned for him to follow. "What is it?"

"I want to give you something," she said, searching through her items in the bedroom.

"Give me something?"

"Mhm. I'm not sure how serious you are about Kokoa," she started. He gave her a confused look.

"But I want you to take this and give it to her. I got it ages ago. Instead of locking it away forever, why not pass it to you?" She placed a chain in the palm of his hand. Looped in it was a pendant of the Uchiha crest.

"I used to wear it all the time, but I eventually grew out of it. Even though she isn't an Uchiha, she's still a part of your life. If you feel that she's committed, that you could see yourself with her…I'm not sure how long you've been seeing her, but you've done an excellent job at hiding it from your father. I assume she knows you're walking on eggshells around him."

"I told her from the beginning that it wouldn't be easy, and that we would have to hide it from just about everyone. She didn't seem to care about any of that, as long as we could see each other. She understands." He closed his fingers over the necklace. "She understands my responsibilities to my father and the clan. She's never gotten angry with me for not being able to see her."

"Then she's worthy of wearing our clan's symbol. If you care for and trust her, then so will I. She puts you first and understands your obligations as a shinobi and son. I am happy for you Itachi." She smiled, pushing the hair from his face. "I bet she'll make a wonderful wife," she teased. He smiled, shaking his head.

"I wanted to invite her to dinner a while back, but…I guess dinner and several other things will just have to wait."

"Don't worry, my son. Love always finds a way. Now go get some rest while you can." She pushed him out playfully.

 

 

Kokoa glanced to her right when the bell of the Academy sounded. Students came rushing out. Walking casually through the crowd was Sasuke. He spotted her. She stopped and waved.

"I'm seeing you everywhere," he said.

"Small village," she grinned. "How was school?"

"Easy. I got my grades, see?" He shoved the paper in her face.

"Hmm, top of the class eh? How much did you pay your teacher to pass you?" she teased.

"Hey! I earned those grades."

"I know. I'm only kidding. Good for you Sasuke. You'll make a fine shinobi."

"Just like Ni-san."

"Maybe even better."

"I doubt it, but it doesn't hurt to try."

"Very true," she agreed.

"So when are you going to marry my brother?"

"What?" she choked, stopping to look at him.

"You and Itachi, you aren't together?"

"No. Why think that?"

"You're always looking for him, and I see you walking sometimes."

"For missions and tasks around the village. Itachi is a very important and skilled ninja. We just work together sometimes is all," she lied.

"Oh…I swear I thought you were a couple. Maybe if he had a girlfriend, he wouldn't be so grumpy all the time, and he'd help me out."

"I don't think Itachi is grumpy. He's just exhausted all the time. You may not see or understand it completely now Sasuke, but everyone expects a lot from him. Sometimes it's like he's being pulled from a million different directions."

"I never thought about him that way…"

"Just know that he loves you, and sooner or later he's going to help you out with shuriken training or whatever it is you need help with. If he doesn't, let me know, and I'll have a talk with him," she grinned.

"Sounds like a plan."

 

 

"One second. The clasp is being difficult," Itachi pouted, struggling to hook the necklace around her neck.

"Here, let me do it," Kokoa said, stepping away from him. "See how easy that was? For an ANBU, you're kind of terrible."

"I deal with tai, nin, and gen-jutsu, and a lot of other important ninja related tasks. When last I looked, putting on jewelry wasn't on the list." He crossed his arms.

"Excuses, excuses."

"Hm, do you like it?"

"Of course."

"It's not silly? You aren't an Uchiha, so I'm not sure how you feel about wearing the pendant, but my mother insisted."

"I love it. It's like a little part of you, so when you're off on missions, I have something. It may sound silly, but it's true. I wish I could give you something. I'll have to come up with a unique idea."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to. Itachi, you're always too proper. Just admit that you want a gift."

"Fine, I want a gift."

"I'll give you a two part gift. Part two will be whatever I think of later."

"What is part one then?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Dango? My treat?"

"You know my weakness…" he sighed. She chuckled, taking him by the hand.

 

 

"I saw the mission report Itachi. You did well, but I see room for improvement. I have faith in your abilities, but sometimes you seem distracted. How will you take over my position in the future if you're not able to focus?" Fugaku sighed.

"The enemies we encounter get stronger with each mission. Reaching our goal while looking out for each other also becomes more difficult. Things can't be perfect."

"What are you saying?"

"Teammates will be injured, and sometimes missions will fail. We can't control it – I can't stop certain things from happening."

"Where are these excuses coming from?" He narrowed his eyes.

"They aren't excuses, it's just…" He fell silent, noticing his father was growing impatient.

"Never mind. I will do my best on the next assignment."

"It's coming up soon. Don't let me down."

"I won't Father…"

"Ni-san, you don't look so well," Sasuke said once Itachi left his father.

"I'm fine Sasuke –" He turned away to cough into his arm. "I'm fine."

"Liar. I'm not stupid Itachi."

"I never said you were. I'm just a little tired is all." He continued to his room. Apparently Sasuke did the same, sitting on the end of his brother's bed.

"Guess who I saw the other day Ni-san."

"Who?"

"Guess."

"That blond boy you always compete with?"

"Nope."

"Sasuke…"

"Kokoa."

"Kokoa?"

"Mhm. She was walking past the academy when I left. She saw my grades. We both agree that I'm going to be a better ninja than you."

"Is that so?"

"You bet."

"Bring it on," Itachi smirked.

"How do you know Kokoa?"

"How do I know her? We were in the same class back in school, and we've worked together several times. She's a good friend of mine."

"I like her. She's different than other girls, and she can actually fight," Sasuke snickered.

"She is different," Itachi smiled softly.

"She's pretty too. Really pretty. Hey Ni-san, why don't you ask her to be you girlfriend?" Luckily Sasuke didn't notice the slight shock in Itachi's face.

"Why would I?"

"You're friends right? And she's pretty, and strong, and I think she likes you."

"You think so huh?"

"Mhm, she's always looking for you, or talking about you. She smiles every time I say your name. It's almost a little creepy."

"Sasuke," Itachi chuckled. "Kokoa and I are just friends. Maybe one day in the future we can be something more, if it's meant to happen of course, but for now, I just don't have time."

"I know, you barely have time for me, and I'm your brother!" he exclaimed.

"Orokanaru otōto yo…" Itachi trailed off. "I will try to be there for you more Sasuke. I'm sorry."

"Mmm, I forgive you…this time," he smiled. "And you better help with my training. Kokoa said if you didn't, that she was going to have a talk with you."

"That's not good. The first break from all this work, I'll spend it with you. I promise."

"Thanks Ni-san!"

 

 

"You really shouldn't work yourself too hard these next few days."

"Kokoa, I'm fine –" He turned away, coughing into his arm.

"You were saying?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm fine."

"Itachi, I know I'm not a medical ninja, but come on. You look exhausted, and – and you keep coughing."

"It's just a one day thing. The weather has been shaky lately, off and on. Sometimes it affects me. It's really nothing."

"You're sick, but won't accept it. Until you admit that you are, no more sweets for you," she declared, hiding the box of treats behind her back.

"What? Why? Those are mine," he cried.

"I bought them so we could share. Technically, they're mine."

"Please Kokoa? Pleeeaaase?" He leaned in to kiss her.

"I don't think so," she whispered, pulling away before their lips met. "My house means my rules."

"But I'm fine."

"You're sick, and if you don't stop to take care of yourself, you'll only get worse."

"I can't just drop everything. You know that," he mumbled.

"True, but you can take some time to gather your full strength. You won't be of much use if you're coughing up your lungs the entire time."

"Kokoa…you're supposed to be the only one who isn't telling me to do something," he whined, burying his face in her shoulder. She smiled at his behavior.

"Fine. You can have the sweets only if you promise to at least take it easy. I know you can't just drop everything, but don't push yourself more than you have to. And let me take care of you when you aren't busy."

"It's a deal." He captured her lips. Kissing her lovingly, he gently brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. She pulled away, giggling shyly.

"Am I the only one who sees this side of you?" she inquired, stuffing a treat into his mouth.

"What side are you referring to?" he said, chewing loudly.

"The silly, pouty, boyish side."

"Yes. You should be honored."

"Your human side," she said softly. He nodded, digesting her words. She pushed part of his bangs back behind his ear.

"You'll never guess what Sasuke asked me," she started.

"Is it bad?"

"You tell me. He asked when I'm going to marry you."

"Really?"

"Mhm, out of nowhere. I wasn't sure how to respond, but I made sure he didn't suspect we were together. I know if he was older he'd probably even help you keep this a secret, but…"

"He's young, and he could let it slip out without meaning to. Trust me, I feel just as guilty about hiding it from him, but it's something that must be done. He does love you though, and even told me to ask you to be my girlfriend," Itachi chuckled.

"I love him too. He's very sweet, like his big brother." She pushed his head back with a finger to his forehead.

"I would like to marry you some day. I know things are rough now, but when we're older Kokoa."

"You mean it?" she gasped in awe.

"I do," he replied, avoiding her eyes.

"Well that's good," she smiled. "Because I want to marry you. Then I can force you to stay home when you're sick, and I can watch your diet. You eat too many sweets."

"I do not. Stop worrying. A few snacks won't hurt. Besides, I'm a shinobi. I don't gain weight."

"Hmph, if you say so Itachi-san."


	3. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #3

"I still don't understand why the Hokage hasn't assigned you a mission in nearly a week. Not a single mission," Fugaku sighed, rubbing his face.

"Hokage-sama said he was waiting for the right one to come across his desk. It's only a matter of time Father," Itachi explained, extremely annoyed because this was all Kokoa's doing.

 _'She just had to tell the Hokage that I was sick. Sneaky little…still, I can't be too angry. She did it for my sake,'_  he thought, sighing loudly without meaning to.

"If you're as frustrated as I am, go do something about it Itachi."

"It'll be fine. In fact, I'll go to town soon to see if there are any local assignments, ways to help without leaving the village."

"Just do something. I don't want to find you lying around."

"Understood."

 

"Are you here to scold me for going behind your back?"

"That was my original plan, but…I can't yell at you," Itachi sighed, letting his shoulders fall in defeat.

"You weren't listening. I had to intervene. I just told the Hokage that I noticed you were very overwhelmed with some things going on within the clan, and that he should avoid giving you any tasks for a few days. He likes me, so it wasn't too hard." She shrugged.

"My father was displeased, but I am rested and feeling better, so I guess…thank you," he grinned.

"Well that's good. Oh, I finally got it," Kokoa stated.

"Got what?" He fixed his vest as they walked.

"Part two of your gift."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. So, what did you come up with? You better "wow" me."

"You know how I like buying cool trinkets and random things I spot?"

"I do, I do." He nodded.

"I bought this a while back, but for some reason the next day, it didn't fit anymore. It's too big. I found it in my room yesterday, and after thinking about it, I concluded that it suits you. Give me your hand."

"Why?" He paused to face her.

"I'm not going to bite you, Itachi-san. Just give me your hand."

"Alright, alright. Here." He put out his hand. His eyes widened slightly when she slipped a ring onto his finger.

"What's this?"

"It's a silver band, so not really feminine. Nothing wrong if a man wears it. I thought you'd like it because of the engraving," she explained. He brought it close to his face, scrutinizing the symbol.

"Heiwa," he read aloud. "Peace."

"I know it's your favorite word."

"You remembered. Thank you, Kokoa. It means a lot."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I'll try to always wear it. I really do love it."

"Oh, before I forget, that picture we had taken of the two of us, it finally came in. Here's your copy," she said, pulling out a small square from her pocket. In it, the two of them stood in their uniforms, dirty from the previous mission, smiling deviously. He laughed out loud at the sight.

"Very attractive Kokoa. This should be framed and put on display for all to see."

"My copy is already framed and on my dresser. Looks like I beat you to it," she grinned.

"Hm, thank you. I'll keep this safe," he smiled.

"I wanted to give you these today because I leave for my mission early tomorrow morning."

"You were finally given one?"

"I know, it's been ages. Maybe they were sorting some things out because I was just promoted to jōnin. Main point is that I finally get to see some action. I've been itching for a good fight."

"Wild child." He shook his head, then noticed the fading sun.

"I'll let you go since you have to be home soon," she said. He nodded, taking her hand in his.

"As you always tell me, try not to get yourself killed."

"I'll see what I can do, Uchiha," she smiled, tapping his nose.

 

"There, you got it Sasuke. That was quite fast," Itachi said with his arms crossed, nodding in approval. Fugaku and Kokoa were off on separate missions. That meant he could dedicate his free time to Sasuke, who Itachi felt he was neglecting lately.

"Really Ni-san?"

"Yup. I think you got the hang of it faster than I did. I'm impressed Sasuke."

"You're not just saying that to make me feel good, are you?"

"There's no point in lying. If you didn't master it, I'd have you keep trying. I think you nailed it. Of course practice will help you perfect it, but I'm proud of you," he said. Sasuke smiled a huge smile, thrilled Itachi was finally giving him the attention he desired.

"Ni-san, I'm glad you're here."

"So am I Sasuke. I told you that the minute I get a break, I'd help you out. You are my little brother after all," he grinned, poking his forehead. "I'll always be there for you."

"And I'll always be there, unless you keep bothering me," the younger brother laughed.

"How about we go buy a treat? Think of it as a reward after a hard day's work," Itachi offered.

"Yes please!"

 

Itachi spent the day doing little tasks around the Uchiha compound such as, moving things, helping those who needed it, just simple everyday things. He strolled through the village, running a few errands for his mother. He was expecting to see Kokoa today, but so far there was no sign of her. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't help but feel anxious. Finally not being able to handle it anymore, he decided to investigate a bit. The gate guards came into view.

"Looky here, it's Itachi. Long time no see," Akio greeted, leaning back in his chair.

"You're right. What have you been up to Mr. ANBU captain?" Etsuo teased.

"I'm not captain today. I've been doing small things here and there to help out since I wasn't assigned anything yet," Itachi explained.

"So sweet of you," Etsuo swooned. Itachi gave him a dull look.

"Did you need something?" Akio raised an eyebrow.

"Did – did any teams that are scheduled to return today come back yet?"

"One did not too long ago, but things didn't look so good."

"What do you mean?"

"Two were badly injured. They were rushed to the hospital."

"Do you know which team? The captain?" Itachi pushed.

"That girl you're with sometimes –"

"Kokoa?"

"Yeah, that's her. She was one of the injured ones."

"Thank you," he said before sprinting off.

 

 

He quietly stepped into the hospital, searching for a medic, or anyone who worked there.

"Are you looking for someone?" a high pitched voice sounded. He turned to face a mousey girl with short blond hair.

"Kuroki Kokoa. She was rushed here with her team. They just got back."

"Down that hall. It's the fourth door on the right." She pointed. He nodded and started off.

 _'If I can see her, then she can't be in that bad of a state…right?'_   he wondered. He stepped in slowly. Closing his eyes, he sighed in relief. She sat on the edge of the bed holding herself.

"Itachi-san," she said softly, looking up.

"I thought I told you not to get killed."

"Hey, I'm alive."

"Barely," he commented. She shook her head annoyed. "So what happened?"

"What happened as in you want me to flashback, or what happened as in what's wrong right now?"

"The second one." He walked over to sit beside her.

"I sprained my arm pretty bad when I fell on it. I also had a kunai rip through my side. They're working on stopping the bleeding. That's why I'm all taped up. And of course as you can tell, thousands of little cuts and bruises, but that's baby stuff." She tried grinning.

"I heard two of you were badly injured and rushed here. I nearly had a panic attack."

"Sorry to worry you…wait…two of us? That's right. My mind's been so cloudy from all the pain that I almost forgot. Where's – where's Mamoru?" she questioned, panic overtaking her.

"You're teammate? I'm not sure. I didn't know who it was, so I didn't ask."

"He – he was badly wounded. They kept saying on the way here that he wouldn't make it. I have to see him," she started to get off the bed.

"Kokoa, you can barely breathe. You shouldn't be walking in your state." He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"But I have to see him. Please let me go."

"That's not a good idea. They're probably working on him right now."

"Itachi, he was my responsibility. I have to see him," she begged.

"Fine." He gave in. "But I'll help you. Come on." He started to move her, when, she let out a sharp cry.

"What is it? Did I hurt you?" he gasped, slowly stepping back. She shook her head, holding her side. "Your wound reopened. That's not good. Kokoa, don't move."

"I h-have to go to Mamoru. He – needs – me…" She trailed off, swaying a bit before her eyes rolled back, and she fell over face forward. Had Itachi not been there to catch her, she would have split her head open on the hard floor. He snatched a towel that sat on the desk, pressing it against her side as she laid there unconscious.

"Hang on Kokoa," he said, rushing out the door to find a doctor before she bled out.

 

 

She slowly pushed herself to sit up when Itachi entered the room. She searched his face for any hope, any sign of good news, but…

"I'm sorry Kokoa. He passed," he said quietly. She nodded, biting her lip, blinking aggressively to keep the tears from falling. He walked over, taking a seat on the bed.

"We're taught no emotion. No crying, no whining. We're simply tools. And I – I made sure I understood it, that I knew what being a ninja required, but when terrible things really do happen to you…it's as if everything you learned is thrown right out the window. I'm supposed to be a jōnin…look at me now. I'm reduced to this hysterical mess." She rubbed her eyes. Itachi remained silent, and gently placed his hand over hers.

"It'll be dark soon. You should go. I don't want you getting in trouble."

"But…"

"I'll be fine Itachi. They stopped the bleeding, and said I was fine. I just need some sleep," she assured him, running a thumb across his hand.

"Alright. Feel better." He left a tender kiss on her forehead before heading out.

 

 

"Itachi dear, are you alright? You didn't bring the stuff I asked you to buy until later in the day, and you look upset," Mikoto said over dinner. He looked up at her.

"You do seem a little spacey," Sasuke added.

"Did something happen?" Fugaku pressed. Itachi glanced down at his plate before meeting their eyes again.

"While I was in town, word reached my ear that a friend of mine returned from a mission badly injured. I stopped by the hospital to check on the team," he explained.

"I heard someone died, a chunin. Was it him?" his father inquired.

"No. I didn't know him."

"How is your friend?"

"Has a sprained arm, and a deep wound that wouldn't stop bleeding, but when I left, everything seemed fine." He took a bite, hoping they wouldn't ask anything else. Mikoto noticed how he didn't specify "he" or "she."

"Well I hope everything turns out ok. Maybe tomorrow I'll make something yummy to take to your friend," she smiled.

 

"Knock, knock," he smiled, tapping the door with his knuckles. "Are you decent?"

"Just lying in bed. I have been since you left me yesterday," Kokoa sighed.

"Don't complain. You get to sleep all day."

"That's the thing, I'm sick of sleeping. I didn't think it was possible. I'm also sick of the food here."

"Kokoa, you've only been here one night. You're already tired of this place?"

"Wouldn't you be? I'm so bored, and I can't lie on my side because it hurts, but I can't keep lying on my back because that will eventually get uncomfortable. It's a lose/lose situation."

"Will this make it better?" he inquired, holding up a small plate. "My mother made some yokan."

"You didn't eat it all on the way, did you? I know you when you're around sweets."

"I only had one of yours. The rest of my stash is at home," he grinned.

"Thank you," she smiled softly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. In pain."

"I mean…about your teammate…"

"Oh…I've been trying not to think too much about it only because I already feel like death. I think I'm still in shock too. Don't worry, it'll hit me like a wall soon enough. That always happens to me."

"This negative energy of yours, it's not contagious is it?" He tried making her laugh.

"You know, I have no idea. Watch out Uchiha. You're next." She pointed at him.

"Oh whatever will I do?" he cried. She smiled at his playfulness.

"They tell me I'm staying here for another few days, until I can walk around and take care of myself again, because I live on my own," she explained. He stared at the floor.

"What's wrong Itachi-san?"

"I'm supposed to – I wish I could take care of you, it's just that –"

"You don't feel guilty do you? Please don't." She begged. "I'm better off here just in case my wound reopens, or if I feel funny. Besides, they're letting me go only when they're sure I can look out for myself. Even if your father wasn't so strict, I wasn't going to have you tend to my every need 24/7."

"But I want to be there for you. You need someone, you need me, but again, like always, I can't be there for you…You're badly injured and in shock. You need someone to look after you for a bit."

"I hate when you blame yourself Itachi. I'm fine, and it's the thought that matters. I know that if things were a bit different, you'd be with me the entire time, and that's all I care about. I'm not angry, or upset. I understand. Like I said before, the doctors are looking after me. I'll be fine." She extended her hand. He nodded, entangling his fingers with hers. She turned her head to stare at the ceiling.

"Did you help Sasuke, or do I have to kick your butt?"

"I actually spent most of the time that you were away, with him. My father was gone for a bit too, so I had a lot of free time."

"That's good. He worships you. A little attention from his older brother doesn't hurt."

"In case you forgot, I have to divide my free time between Sasuke, and a certain girl who is bedridden in a hospital."

"Poor girl. Dealing with your antics all day? How does she do it?"

"Rude."

"I'm only kidding I-ta-chi-kun. You know how much you mean to me, and how I appreciate all that you do."

"That's better," he smirked.

"Now give me my yokan before you eat it all." ^/_\^


	4. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #4

Kokoa laid in bed in silence. It was after midnight. Most of the hospital lights were off, including her room. She stared at the wall, listening to the ticking of the clock, losing herself in her thoughts, coming closer to sleep with each passing minute. Her eyes began to fall, vision blurred. The door slowly opened. An exhausted Itachi stepped in, weary from the mission he just returned from. He hoped to catch Kokoa awake, knowing she sometimes had trouble sleeping, especially in strange places. He sighed, a bit disappointed that she was asleep. He watched her, admiring how soft and innocent her face seemed, how her hair stuck out in a million directions, the rising and falling of her chest with every breath. In the dark, quiet room, it felt as if they were the only people. No one else existed, the world didn’t exist. All that was real, all the mattered was that little white room. Deciding to leave before accidently waking her, he tiptoed over, and kissed her forehead affectionately. He stole one more glance at her sleeping form before disappearing into the night.

 

"I'm sorry Ni-san."

"Sorry? For what Sasuke?"

"For you getting stuck with me," he pouted.

"Stuck with you?"

"Father is at work, and Mother went somewhere with some other ladies. You got stuck looking after me."

"If you think you're a burden Sasuke, you're wrong. I like spending time with you. In fact, I don't do it enough," Itachi admitted, and smiled at the joy in Sasuke's eyes.

"If you don't have any missions today, where are we going?"

"To visit my friend in the hospital."

"Oh, really? Do I know them?"

"Possibly Sasuke. You'll just have to wait," he grinned.

"You're no fun Itachi," he sighed, running ahead of his brother.

 

Kokoa looked up when the door started to open.

"Itachi I really need a hug – " She froze when Sasuke came into view. "From Sasuke. I really need a hug from Sasuke!" she laughed awkwardly. He mouthed the word "smooth" before shaking his head.

"Kokoa? I didn't know you were in the hospital," Sasuke gasped.

"Your brother didn't tell you?"

"No! He doesn't tell me anything."

"Itachi you really need to start treating Sasuke better. How can you be so mean?" she scolded him.

"Yeah, yeah. When you two are together, you just team up against me." He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall.

"What happened Kokoa?" Sasuke inquired, examining her injuries.

"I hurt my arm pretty bad. You and Itachi are going to have to feed me dinner later," she laughed.

"What about your side? It looks bad."

"It is…or was. A kunai ripped through me. Just thinking about it makes it throb." She held herself

"Sasuke, maybe a hug from you will make better," she teased. He blushed, avoiding her eyes.

"Maybe it should be Itachi," he smirked.

"Sasuke," his brother warned.

"What? I'm just saying she'd probably like a hug from you, Ni-san."

"I don't think so Sasuke. He smells." She pinched her nose.

"Very funny Kokoa."

"Don't be mad Itachi-san. We love you, just not your smell."

"Hm, I like her more every time I see her Ni-san. You should really ask her to be your girlfriend," Sasuke said casually. The other two stiffened slightly.

"Sasuke, I thought I told you that –"

"Itachi isn't my type," Kokoa finished. "He's too arrogant."

"And she's too immature," he added. They locked eyes.

"But I thought you were friends…" Sasuke trailed off.

"Oh, we are, but we harass each other all the time. Don't take it seriously," she shrugged.

"…You two are weird."

"Alright Sasuke, let's leave. Kokoa needs to rest."

"But we just got here."

"Come on."

"Fine…"

"By the way Itachi, I get to go home tomorrow, so if you visit here and the room is empty, don't worry. I didn't vanish or get abducted," she explained.

"Like anyone would want to abduct you," he leered before rushing out with Sasuke.

 

"If you tell me one more time that you don't like Kokoa, I'm going to hit you, Itachi," Sasuke threatened as they walked side by side.

"Where is this coming from?" the older Uchiha sighed.

"I saw you two, and you're flirting, and how you looked at her. I know I'm young, but even I can see that you looove her."

"I don't think this is any of your business, Sasuke."

"Is too. You're my brother, and she's my friend. It's definitely my business."

"You kill me…"

"I also noticed that ring you've been wearing."

"What? This?" He raised a hand.

"Mhm."

"What about it?"

"Where'd you get it?"

"Some small shop on the way home from a mission. What's with all the questions Sasuke?"

"You're lying. You always lie Itachi. I can tell now."

"Sasuke, it's a ring that I bought one day."

"Mhm. I don't believe you."

"Isn't that too bad," he chuckled.

"I'm serious Ni-san. Well if you won't make a move, I'll have to do it for you."

"Make a move? For what?"

"Kokoa."

"That's not such a good idea Sasuke."

"Why not?"

"It's nothing…" He turned away from him.

"You can tell me, Itachi. That's what brothers are for."

"You know Father, he's always on my case, hovering over me. If he doesn't like it when I hang out with friends, can you imagine what he'd do if I started seeing a girl? It's just too hard right now." He shrugged.

"Oh, I see," Sasuke said sadly. His lips curved into a small smile when an idea hit.

"You had an idea…this can't be good."

"You'll just have to wait, Ni-san."

 

Itachi stood in the kitchen, slowly drinking a cup of water. Sasuke casually walked by, hands behind his back, fighting to suppress a smirk. The older brother watched him from the corners of his eyes.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing Ni-san. What makes you ask?"

"Your behavior…I'm slightly afraid."

"Well you see –"

"Itachi?" Mikoto called, searching for him. "There you are."

"I'll let Mother explain," he sneered before running off.

"Sasuke, wait! Ugh…" Itachi rubbed his face annoyed.

"Itachi?"

"Yes?"he replied. "Oh, did Sasuke say or do something without me knowing?"

"That's what I wanted to speak with you about. He mentioned something, and how he had this big idea. I think it could work."

"I'm still afraid, but go ahead…what is it?" He crossed his arms.

"Well…" She stepped closer and lowered her voice. "He told me he suspects that you like Kokoa. I didn't say anything about it, but he's pretty convinced you're interested."

"I know…we argued about it the other day. It's none of his concern."

"But wait, listen to this, he suggested we invite Kokoa over for dinner," she smiled. His arms fell to his sides.

"I can't – we can't – she can't," he stammered.

"Why not? I'm dying to meet her, Itachi. How can you be in a relationship where I don't even know the girl?"

"Do you know – actually, you do know what Father would say, what he'd do. I've been keeping it a secret for a reason. It's not that I don't want you to be a part of it, it's just that I can't risk ruining the relationship."

"She was just released from the hospital, and you've already mentioned in front of your father that you've been visiting her."

"I never said that."

"Itachi dear, it wasn't too hard to figure out that your injured jonin friend was Kokoa. Plus Sasuke mentioned a thing or two." His mother shook her head.

"It's not a date, or anything serious. Think of it as a fellow ninja enjoying a nice home cooked meal with us. Friends. I'll make sure no one suspects anything."

"I'm not too sure…" He stared at his feet, thinking it over. "Only if Shisui comes as well. If he's there, it won't be as awkward, and there's less of a chance of this turning into a mess."

"A mess?"

"With your and Sasuke's constant teasing, things would surely get out of hand."

"I'm your mother for God's sake. Give me a little credit. I know when to clean up my act. Besides, you should be forever grateful to me for keeping this a secret."

"I am, I am."

"Good. Let Kokoa know. I'm dying to see this special lady," she giggled. He looked away with a blush.

 

"Hn, well isn't that great…" she mumbled, marching into her room.

"I thought – I thought you'd be pleased," Itachi stammered.

"I am."

"Then why the angry tone? I'm confused Kokoa."

"You're not as smart as everyone says you are, are you Itachi?" she chuckled, poking his chest. He furrowed his brow.

"I'm ecstatic that I finally get to meet your family, but also quite terrified," she admitted.

"You are?"

"I'm meeting them as a friend, correct?"

"Yes."

"I'll have to be cautious not to let anything slip, or make it seem like you and I are interested in each other. Your father…what if he doesn't like me? It would be so conflicting because I want him to accept me, but I have to make it seem like I don't care."

"You're rambling Kokoa. Breathe," he instructed.

"Maybe – maybe this isn't a good idea. I'm still weak from my injuries. I need my rest."

"You've been running around all day, buying things and harassing me. You're fine. Look, I invited Shisui."

"You did?" she said surprised.

"I did. I figure having another friend there would make it seem like it's just a normal dinner, and not me introducing my girlfriend to my parents. Make sense?"

"Yeah, I understand. If Shisui will be there, I guess it isn't so bad. I really want to meet your mother. You said she knows about us, yes?"

"She does."

"I'll come then, for you," she smiled. "But now I have no clue what to wear…"

"Just when I thought you were completely different from other girls…" he grinned.

"Hey, I want to make a good first impression. They are going to be my future in-laws. There's nothing wrong with winning them over from the start."

"True, true."

"So help me decide Itachiiii," she whined. He gave her a dull look.

"Itachi-kun, don't make me beg." She pulled at his sleeve.

"Well first off, don't wear the necklace I gave you. That would give everything away."

"You're right. Maybe you are as smart as they say after all." She shrugged, taking it off.

"You keep hurting my feelings, and you'll be officially uninvited."

"Good, then I won't have a panic attack in front of your father. So do I dress in full ninja gear? Or forget the vest and just stay in the shirt and pants? Or do I drop all the ninja garb and wear something feminine? A kimono? "

"Do you honestly think Shisui is going to dress up for this? As long as you're clean, it doesn't matter what you show up in. Stay in your uniform, but ditch the vest. I'll say you were performing tasks all day, and that's why you're in the uniform, and that's only if someone asks or gives you a strange look. You'll be fine. Besides, if you want to win over my father, you'll have a bigger chance if you look like a professional and serious shinobi," he explained.

"But I am a professional and serious shinobi." She narrowed her eyes.

"Not around me. You're as childish as Sasuke." He flicked her forehead.

"I am not! I just let go in front of you is all. I don't have to be so uptight and proper because you actually accept me and my weird traits."

"Right, right," he grinned. "I have to go do a few things, but I'll see you tomorrow for dinner. Don't worry about anything, you'll be fine. I promise." He kissed her cheek, before heading out the door. She shook her head with a sigh.

"Yare, yare…"

 

"I'm a ninja. I am constantly faced with terrifying enemies. I am strong. Then why the hell am I so afraid of meeting his family? Ugh…" Kokoa stopped in her tracks, letting her head fall.

"You alright there?" a warm voice sounded. She looked up.

"Shisui?"

"The one and only. I assume you're headed to Itachi's place as well, that is, unless you're planning on escaping." He cocked an eyebrow.

"I wish," she sighed.

"Oh?"

"Don't get me wrong. Itachi means the world to me, and I really want to meet his family, but I might pee myself," she stated bluntly.

"You are a strange woman, but then, Itachi is a strange man, so I suppose it works out. Don't worry Kokoa. He's just as nervous as you are. Plus, I'll be there. I won't let things get awkward, unless…I find it entertaining."

"Not helping," she growled.

"You're a shinobi. Suck it up."

"You're right. Let's go." She followed him.

 

"Oh, Shisui, it's been a while," Mikoto smiled, letting them in.

"You're right, it has been. Thank you for having me over." 

"You showed up after all," Itachi smirked.

"I wouldn't abandon you Itachi. You know that. I spotted Kokoa on the way and decided to be her escort."

"Instead of flirting with women, you should focus on your upcoming mission," Fugaku said with a grin. Shisui shook his head, chuckling. Itachi noticed Kokoa standing there awkwardly. It was now or never. He cleared his throat.

"Father, Mother, this is my friend Kokoa, the jonin I told you about a while back."

"Ahh Kokoa, I've heard a little bit about you. It's nice to finally meet you," Mikoto beamed, trying not to explode.

"I've heard a lot about you as well. It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for inviting me over," she replied. She noticed Fugaku's hard gaze on her. She looked up shyly.

"Uchiha-san," she said with a slight bow, as a way of greeting him. He responded with a nod of his own.

"Kokoa! Why didn't anyone tell me she was here?" Sasuke complained, rushing over to hug her.

"It's nice to see you again Sasuke," she smiled, ruffling his hair.

"Well why don't we all move to the other room? It's getting crowded in here," Mikoto suggested, shooing everyone out. As they made the move, Kokoa felt Fugaku's eyes on her once again.


	5. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #5

"So Kokoa, I hear you're a jonin now. How exciting!" Mikoto smiled.

"It's a lot different. I'm getting used to it though."

"Have you been assigned any genin?"

"Not yet. I would prefer to do my own missions, but if I do take on some genin, I'm sure it'd be interesting. Maybe I'll have Sasuke one day."

"Then you can train me since Itachi never does," he pouted.

"Now Sasuke, I was just with you the other day," Itachi sighed.

"Still."

"You were in charge of your team the day that chunin died?" Fugaku questioned. Kokoa fell silent, her smile faded.

"Yes. They set me up with three chunin. The one who died had just passed the exam."

"What do you think went wrong?" Everyone fell silent.

"It seems that the ones who hired us paid for a C rank mission, when it really was a B or A mission. We weren't expecting to encounter the enemies we did. But…that's no excuse."

"Ho?"

"As shinobi we're expected to always be prepared to face anything. We were also chunin and jonin, not academy students."

"But there are times when no matter how prepared you are, things happen," Itachi added.

"You're right…but I still blame myself for his death. I should have been there. I needed to protect Mamoru. I know the mission is supposed to come first, but still, I…"

"What's done is done," Shisui said. "You can't live the life of a ninja if all you'll ever do is regret the decisions you've made. People die. Don't forget them, but move on and don't make the same mistake again."

"You're right. I'm sorry," she whispered. Itachi clenched his fists. This was supposed to be a nice dinner, not some interrogation. Seeing the smile fade from her face, hearing the sadness and guilt in her voice, it hurt him.

"Why don't we talk about something else? Kokoa is obviously still dealing with bitter feelings," he said.

"How was my yokan?" Mikoto inquired.

"Delicious. You have to show me how to make it. I don't think I can survive without it now," she smiled softly.

 

"I'm sorry about my father," Itachi said. He and Kokoa sat out back.

"There is no need to be sorry Itachi-san."

"He pushed you. I was hoping he wouldn't bring up your mission, but…"

"It's alright." She turned to him. "I've had other people ask me what happened. He wasn't the first, and won't be the last."

"I wanted this to be a nice dinner. Something fun for once," he sighed.

"It was nice, and fun. I was with you and Sasuke. Shisui is great too, and so is your mother. Thank you Itachi," she smiled. He inched away from her and changed the tone of his voice upon noticing Fugaku's presence.

"Do you know when you'll resume duty?" he inquired, seeming as professional as he could. Seconds after picking up on his change of behavior, Kokoa also noticed Fugaku watching from the house. She straightened herself and created a bit more distance between the two.

"I have to wait until I'm completely healed. If I go out there, I could get hurt again, or some problems might arise from the wound. It was worse than I thought," she answered.

"I see."

"But I'm not going to sit around and get lazy. I'm going to speak with Hokage-sama tomorrow to see if there is anything I can do while I'm recovering. I'm sure he'll find me something. I'd hate being useless."

"That's very good. Like you said, there's bound to be something for you to do."

"Mhm," she smiled. "Where did Shisui go?"

"He might be inside stuffing his face. He tends to do that whenever he's over. Let's go find out." He rose to his feet, heading inside with Kokoa close behind.

 

"This was wonderful. As always, your cooking was out of this world," Shisui said to Mikoto. She smiled hugely.

"But I should get going."

"Me too," Kokoa agreed.

"This was very nice. Thank you for coming."

"You should always come over Kokoa," Sasuke beamed.

"He's right. Then I can show you how to make all these sweets," Mikoto added. "Also, from now on you can call me by my first name. We're all friends here."

"Thank you Mikoto-san, for everything," Kokoa said. Minutes later, she and Shisui were out the door.

"I wish she lived here!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Then if I wasn't with Ni-san, Kokoa would be with me."

"You're welcome to invite her over any time Itachi. She's a fine young woman and shinobi. She has a good head on her shoulders," his mother said warmly.

"Yeah, then you two could become closer," Sasuke teased.

"I could see you two together. She's very pretty and has a good heart. Maybe you need a fine woman by your side-"

"Nonsense, Mikoto," Fugaku interrupted. Being silent for most of the time, they had forgotten he was there.

"Itachi has more important things to worry about than winning over a girl's heart or giving into temptation. He doesn't have time for petty relationships."

Sasuke quietly inched out of the room. Itachi's gaze fell to the floor.

"I was only joking," Mikoto tried lightening the mood. "He and Kokoa are just friends, comrades. I was teasing. No need to make something big out of it." She turned to the kitchen to start the clean up. He turned to his son.

"I'll be in bed." And with that, Fugaku disappeared into the other side of the house, leaving Itachi.

"Goodnight Mother," he whispered before retiring to his room as well.

 

"Sasuke," Itachi said quietly, sensing his brother outside his room.

"You're good," Sasuke grinned, creeping in.

"Why are you up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep," he pouted. "And you didn't look too good after Shisui and Kokoa left."

"I'm fine Sasuke. Just tired," he smiled, motioning for his brother to come. Sasuke took a few steps, then paused.

"You're not going to poke me again are you Ni-san?" he sighed.

"Not this time Sasuke. Just come sit with me," he assured him. Sasuke cheerfully climbed up onto the bed beside his brother.

"Even I can tell that something's bothering you Itachi…"

"I just felt a little frustrated out there is all. Father easily decides everything for me. I'm surprised he doesn't tell me what to eat or wear."

"I bet if he was around more, he would," Sasuke grinned.

"Just for that," Itachi poked him with two fingers. "There you go."

"Not funny Ni-san," He rubbed his forehead. "Are you sad because he said you can't have a relationship with a girl?"

"Slightly. It's the fact he thinks I'll fall behind or screw up if I do start seeing someone. I wouldn't neglect my duties. I'd have a balance of things: time for missions and the clan, time for family, and time for Kok-" He froze, heat rushing to his face as Sasuke's eyes widened.

"You do like her. I knew it!" he cheered, jumping on the bed.

"Sasuke, ssshh! Before Mother and Father hear you!" he scolded.

"You're just embarrassed Itachi." He crossed his arms.

"What are you going to do Sasuke?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"We're having this imitation mission at school. It's basically a camping trip. We're split up into groups, and a chunin or jonin is our guide."

"You want me to be in charge of your group?"

"Mhm!" he smiled.

"I would Sasuke, but-"

"Here come the excuses…" Seeing the smile diminish from his brother's face, caused a wave of guilt to wash over him.

"Sasuke you know I love you, and I love spending time with you, but as part of ANBU…father wouldn't let me. He'd call it silly, wasting my time. You know that."

"I know…"

"And if I'm needed for something, they could come for me at anytime. I can't just abandon your group. I'm sorry. I truly am. I wish I could. It'd be some good brother bonding time." He ruffled his hair.

"It's alright. I understand," he sighed, staring off to the side. Itachi thought for a moment.

"While I'm unable to go, I know someone who would gladly accept."

 

"Sato Aika?"

"Here!"

"Suzuki Hitoshi?"

"Present!"

"Ito Koemi?"

"Here sen-sei!"

"Yamada Naoto?"

"Hai!"

"And last but not least, Uchiha Sasuke?" she called out. He looked over at Kokoa with a smirk.

"Yo."

"Yosh! That's our group guys. Grab your stuff and let's head out," she announced.

 

The five academy students followed Kokoa through the forest.

"She's so pretty," Aika swooned. "Don’t you think so Koemi?" she asked her friend.

"I think so," Hitoshi grinned. Naoto rolled his eyes. Sasuke glared.

"Why so upset Sasuke? Think I'm gonna steal your girlfriend?" Hitoshi teased. The Uchiha turned his face.

"Leave him alone Hitoshi," Koemi scoffed. "Stop being so immature."

"He's the immature one. Can't even look me in the face. How're you going to be a ninja?"

"I'll be better than you," Sasuke snapped.

"Oh yeah? You're not Itachi. I'm not scared of you." He poked his chest. Kokoa sighed. Even kids his own age pressured Sasuke.

 _'Why is it so hard for people to separate the two?'_ She thought. _'All Sasuke has ever done is follow Itachi, act as his shadow because everyone expects him to be just as good. It leaves Sasuke with bitter feelings like jealousy, and Itachi feeling extremely guilty. Expectations…hn, it's all crap.'_ She came to a stop.

"First of all Hitoshi, I'm not Sasuke's girlfriend, and there's no chance that you'll ever win me over. Why? Because I'm almost old enough to be your mother, and because I don't like arrogant children like yourself." Everyone fell silent. "Arrogance is a terrible quality. You can talk big and brag, but in battle, the enemy won't think twice about silencing you. As for Sasuke, you're right, he's not Itachi, but he's an Uchiha, and I believe one day he'll be just as strong, or even stronger than his brother. He has the top grades in the academy, and he's training under me."

"Training under you?" Naoto gasped.

"No way," Hitoshi scoffed.

"Yes way. I was showing him some shuriken tricks not too long ago. Worry less about Sasuke and his level, and more about yourself. We're stuck together for a while. Let's try to make it work." She started walking again. Hitoshi mumbled a few things. Aika and Koemi giggled to each other. Naoto casually followed, and Sasuke smiled to himself.

_'You're always looking out for me…just like Ni-san.'_


	6. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #6

She sat on a large boulder, staring up at the moon, enjoying the feel of the crisp night air. Behind her, the campfire crackled and the academy students slept peacefully.

"Why are you up Sasuke?" Kokoa inquired, her back to him.

"You and Ni-san are good at sensing me." He mumbled.

"We're jonin and ANBU. We better be." She chuckled, turning to him. He smiled, climbing to sit beside her.

"Thanks."

"What for Sasuke?"

"Sticking up for me earlier."

"Well he was being annoying. I have trouble controlling myself around annoying people. It's my only weakness." She snickered.

"Thanks for that, and for separating us…Itachi and I. Everyone always talks about him, and expects me to do the same things he did. I know I'm an Uchiha, but when he was my age, he had already accomplished so much more." He sighed.

"See, that's why I said what I said. Sure you're brothers, but still different people with different personalities and hobbies, and goals. You're not Itachi, and he's not you. Just ignore everyone. I know it's hard, especially when your own family is shoving it down your throat, but just be proud of your own accomplishments. You may not have done what Itachi did, but you're still the top of your class. And even if everyone still insists on comparing you, just remember that both Itachi and I are proud of you." She placed a hand on his head with a smile.

"Hn, I like your necklace." He said. She held the pendant.

"Thanks –" She froze. "I – I got it –"

"From Itachi?" He smirked.

"Of – of course not. Um…" She stammered, twirling her fingers.

"You're seriously trying to come up with something?" He laughed. She sighed in defeat.

"He really likes you Kokoa. He mentioned you last night. He accidentally confessed his feelings to me. There's also the fact he's been wearing this ring a lot recently. I figured it was from you. Now I'm 100% sure."

"Oh?"

"Well?"

"Well what, Sasuke?"

"You're not going to tell me how you feel?"

"I guess…" Itachi knew her feelings for him. Anything she told Sasuke wouldn't be new.

"You really like him, huh?"

"So much. He was my first real friend, my best friend. I got along with just about everyone else, but Itachi was the only one I hung out with. He was the only one who bothered talking to me outside of school. We just clicked, and ever since, I've been by his side. You're too young, but one day you'll know what it's like to have the need to do anything and everything for that one person in your life. He believed in me, encouraged me and gave me the confidence I needed to be the shinobi I am today, the person I am today. He means the world to me." She smiled softly. Sasuke sat there stunned, speechless.

"And he doesn't know any of this???"

"Well – I…"

"I told my mom to invite you over, hoping you and Itachi could figure out you like each other. That's not the problem anymore though."

"So what is?"

"My father."

"He doesn't like me very much, does he?" She sighed.

"He didn't say anything about that. He just made it clear that there's no way Itachi can have a relationship because it will distract him. I don't think he hates you, he just hates the idea of you…if that makes sense." He scratched his head.

"I see."

"But if you and Itachi really like each other, you shouldn't let my father get in the way. He's too strict sometimes, and never has any fun. Besides, I like you. You're like a sister only cooler, and you make my brother happy. If it comes to it, I'll even help you guys keep it a secret." He offered. She sat up with a surprised look.

"You – you would?"

"Mhm. Even my mother would. She thinks Itachi needs to get out more, and she already loves you. I'm telling you Kokoa, it's all right there. You and my brother just have to make a move already." He teased.

"That means a lot Sasuke. Thank you." She put an arm around him. "This is why I like you so much."

"I like you too. You're always looking out for me like Itachi."

"Well I'll always be there, just like your brother." She hugged him, smiling into his hair.

"You should rest though. We have a busy day ahead of us. I don't want you falling behind because you didn't want to sleep."

"Hai, hai." He playfully rolled his eyes before jumping down and heading off to bed.

  
  


"So how did he do?" Fugaku questioned, crossing his arms.

"Sasuke here was the best in his group. You should be very proud Uchiha-san. He'll go far. I know he'll achieve great things, and unlock an immense power. He truly is an Uchiha." Kokoa smiled, placing a hand on Sasuke's head.

"While that is true, still, at his age Itachi was already out in the field."

"With all due respect, Itachi is a prodigy, a special case. Sasuke will be able to do the same things, it'll just take a little longer. I know they're brothers, but they're still different." She explained. Sasuke swallowed hard. She just talked back to Fugaku. This couldn't end well. The older Uchiha narrowed his eyes. She noticed this.

"B – but of course this isn't any of my business, and I apologize for speaking out of line. It was not my place." She said with a bow.

"Thanks for walking me home Kokoa." Sasuke smiled, trying to ease the tension.

"Thank you for the report." Fugaku expressed.

"It was nothing. By the way, is – is Itachi home?" She inquired.

"Why?"

"Oh, I thought since I was here, I could say hello, but if he's out or busy, I understand." She rambled, avoiding his eyes. After about a ten second silence…

"He's in his room."

"Come on, I'll show you." Sasuke took her hand, leading the way. Not giving her a moment to think or speak, he shoved her inside, shutting the door.

"Kokoa?" Itachi looked up. He sat on the bed reading the note in his hand, several other papers scattered before him.

"…Helloo…" She smiled shyly with an awkward wave. "So…you come here often?" She grinned. He gave her a look.

"What are you doing here? I mean, what a pleasant surprise, but still."

"I dropped Sasuke off from his little mock mission, and reported to your father. Now I'm here…creeping on you." She pointed at him. "Of course Sasuke dragged me and threw me in here, but still."

"He's still meddling?" He sighed.

"More than you know. He saw this." She held up the necklace. "And he told me he noticed your ring."

"Does he think we're…" He whispered.

"No, but he wants us to be. He's even willing to keep it secret. I feel so guilty keeping it from him, but –"

"He's still a child. If he accidently lets it slip, we're done for."

"I know Itachi, I know…what are you reading?"

"Some reports, some documents."

"Sounds boring."

"It's not so bad." He shrugged. "Actually...I lied. It's terrible. I want to rip my hair out."

"Don't do that to your beautiful locks!" She gasped. "You have better hair than I do."

"Nonsense. Your hair is very pretty." She blushed at his comment.

"I should head home before your father tries interrogating me." She whispered with a grin.

"Sorry about him…"

"No worries. I'm fine. I'll see you Itachi." She moved, wanting to go over and kiss him, then stopped, suspecting that Sasuke was creeping around somewhere.

"Next time." He smirked. Shaking her head, she chuckled, flashing one last smile before leaving.

  
  


Bang! Bang! Bang!

"What the hell?" Kokoa spat, jumping out of bed. She slipped a shirt over her tank top before heading to the door.

"I – Itachi?" She gasped, flinging open the door. He stepped inside, uniform covered in dirt and blood, a blank expression on his face.

"Itachi what's going on? It's three in the morning." She explained. "Did you just now return from your mission? Does the Hokage know you're back?"

"All of that is taken care of." He replied.

"So then…" She stared at him confused. "There's blood all over you." Using her thumb, she rubbed the blotch of red from beneath his eye.

"Come sit down. Come on." She led him to the couch. "Tea? I'll make you some tea." She hurried to the kitchen.

  
  


"Here you go Itachi." She handed him the small cup of hot tea. He gently took it, taking a small sip.

"Thank you." He said quietly. She sat beside him, staring at the floor.

"What happened? Why did you come here?"

"I needed to see you. I didn't want to go home only to be scolded."

"So something went wrong I presume?" She raised an eyebrow.

"We lost two men. It was a horrible mess." He sighed, rubbing his face. "I just wanted to see you…and to be with you because I know you wouldn't overreact or push me."

"Well you're right. You can stay here if you'd like." She offered.

"Thank you –" He coughed into his arm.

"Are you alright?" She grabbed onto him.

"Fine. I'm fine…just exhausted." He whispered.

"Well you should change out of your uniform. I have a set of your clothes. You left a shirt and some pants here a while ago. I kept them for emergencies. Come on." She led him to her room, pulling out the clothes, leaving him to wash up and change.

  
  


"Feeling better, or cleaner at least?" She chuckled, sitting beside him on the bed.

"Thank you Kokoa. I just needed to get away for a moment. I'm not looking forward to facing my father."

"Well you could stay here for the rest of your life. I promise to keep it a secret." She whispered in the end. He smiled warmly before turning away to cough.

"I appreciate the offer, but we both know that won't work." He tapped her nose.

"We could try." She leaned in, pressing her lips to his. His hand moved up to hold her face. He pulled away, avoiding her eyes with a slight blush.

"You're too cute when you're not so serious." She teased, pushing him down with a single finger.

"Guess what?" She said after another kiss, hovering over him.

"What?"

"You're sleeping here tonight."

"I thought we already established that Kokoa."

"Don't get smart Uchiha." She warned. "I mean here in my bed."

"And what about you?"

"I'll take the couch, no sweat." She shrugged.

"But it's your home, and you've been so kind as to let me stay. I can't be even more trouble for you." He sighed.

"Where do you think I sleep during missions? In the dirt of course. Compared to that, my couch is like sleeping on clouds. Besides, you're exhausted, dirty and bloody, you keep coughing, and I want you to really get some rest for once in your life." She rose to her feet.

"Thank you."

"Always so polite." She laughed. "Oh…did Sasuke mention me say anything about you?" She inquired, wondering how much of their conversation Sasuke repeated to his brother.

"No."

"O – oh, alright. Goodnight Itachi." She walked to the door.

"Kokoa?"

"Hm?"

"You mean the world to me."

 

She stood in the doorway, hand gripping the frame, eyes fixed on the bed. He was gone. Kokoa went to bed that night hoping to wake up the next morning and share a small breakfast with Itachi. Just something simple the two of them could enjoy and bond over. She loved treating him with food and gifts, and he deserved it. However, he was a complicated, unpredictable, and busy young man who often left her with more questions than answers. She sighed sadly. Now there was nothing to look forward to, nothing to prepare. Deciding another hour or two of sleep wouldn't hurt, she crawled into bed, pulling the covers around her, imagining how he slept there, searching for his scent.

  
  


She let out a loud sigh.

"What has you sighing so dramatically?" Kakashi inquired. He and Gai sat on the ground playing some card game. She looked up surprised.

"Oh you heard that?" She mumbled.

"Of course." Gai commented.

"So? Are you going to share?"

"I'd rather not, Kakashi-san."

"Clearly something's troubling you. Why not tell ole' Gai? I'm told I'm a great listener. People always come to me for advice and guidance, isn't that right, Kakashi?" He grinned.

"Hu? You say something?" The masked man looked up with a bored expression. Kokoa laughed at the two.

"It's nothing serious…well it's a little serious…serious to me at least." She shrugged.

"Is the mysterious Uchiha giving you heartaches?"

"G – Gai-san…"

"I always see you with him. Whether you two are official or not, is none of my business, but I see the way you look at him." He smirked.

"Gai…I doubt someone her age wants to discuss relationships with men our age…" Kakashi said dully.

"Nonsense Kakashi! I may be older, but I'm full of youth! Besides, there are only a few years between us."

"No, no. Kakashi-san is right." She chuckled. Gai's shoulders fell in defeat.

"It's just difficult to manage things sometimes. Being a ninja has its ups and downs, and I'm just having a few bad days. I'm still not completely over the loss of my teammate. I know I never will be 100%, but I still have trouble dealing with it. I'll be alright though. Thank you for your concern."

"Anything for the new jonin." Kakashi chuckled. They all turned their heads.

"Kokoa, may I speak with you for minute?" Itachi said, motioning for her to come. She rose to her feet, rolling her eyes at the kissy faces Gai and Kakashi made.

"You disappeared." She said, crossing her arms.

"I wanted to get home early. My Father asked enough questions as it is. Still, he wondered where I was and even suspected your place."

"Oh he's good."

"So until he cools down, I suggest not stopping by the house…at least when he's home. I'll let you know when you can visit my mother or Sasuke, which is often, so you shouldn't be too upset." He smiled. "I just don't want him suspecting something is up, and then overreacting."  
"I completely understand. No worries. I'm just sad I didn't get to feed you." She poked his stomach.

"A growing man needs to eat."

"I'm fine. I eat enough."

"Sure you do Itachi-kun. Dango doesn't count."


	7. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #7

"You don't look so well." Itachi commented.

"That's because I'm not." Kokoa replied. He turned more towards her, their feet dangling in the water.

"What's wrong?"

"Itachi…" She sighed, shaking her head. "This isn't going to work. This. Us. It's too much to handle. At first I thought I could handle it, but that isn't the case anymore. We need to…"

"A-are you saying…you wish –"

"That you could see the look on your face? Oh yeah." She bent over laughing. He sat there wide eyed, stunned.

"You…"

"I'm sorry Itachi-san, I couldn't resist. I figure this was revenge for worrying me so much when you showed up at my house covered in blood not too long ago." She crossed her arms.

"I didn't threaten to end this relationship. You managed to do what even enemy ninja can't."

"And what's that? Make you pee yourself?" She grinned.

"Basically, however, your actions won't go unpunished."

"Hu – " With one swift movement, he launched her into the lake. She surfaced, arms flailing, gasping.

"Itachi!"

"Yes?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I am going to murder you."

"That sounds like fun, but not today Kokoa."

"Smartass…" She climbed out. Hovering over him, she shook all the water like a dog would.

"Heeeeeyyy." He whined. "I'm all wet now."

"You deserve it." She chuckled. He sighed, shaking his head with an amused look on his face.

 

 

"Look at you training so hard. You look like Hokage material to me."

"Shisui?" Kokoa gasped, turning to see him. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she walked over.

"How are you Kokoa?"

"Fine. Training. I need to get back in shape. After my injury, I kind of let myself go." She blushed.

"It's understandable though. I'm sure you'll be fine. Any assignments yet?"

"As of now, no, but I'm sure in the next week or so I can resume duty. They'll most likely be simple things, but I was in the hospital. I can't jump into things."

"Very true. I like your determination." He grinned.

"Did you need something, or were you just passing by?"

"Itachi sent me."

"Is he alright?"

"As fine as he can be. He's swamped in work, and his father is watching him like a hawk. He wanted to apologize for not being able to see you these few days. He said once he gets the chance he'll –"

"It's fine. It's fine. I understand." She smiled slightly, holding up a hand to stop him.

"You're ok?"

"I mean this has happened before. I just have to wait a little to see him. No big deal." She shrugged.

"This must be why he's so crazy about you. Any other girl would be sobbing and complaining without even trying to understand his situation. You're a special girl Kokoa. I know it's probably frustrating. Heck, even being his friend is hard sometimes. Just promise you won't lose it and blame or hate him. He really tries to be there."

"I could never hate Itachi. No matter what he did, I could never hate him."

"Good. He's an honorable man, and he's strong, but even the strongest people need someone to lean on. You're his someone. Don't let him down."

"I won't. Ever."

 

 

"Itachi? I wasn't expecting you, but good thing you came!" Kokoa exclaimed upon opening the door, a cup of fresh tea in one hand.

"I just finished making some –"

"I cannot stay, Kokoa." He interrupted her.

"Hu?"

"I know we haven't seen each other in days, and I swear I tried to make time, to find a way, but it was impossible. I've been assigned another mission. My father had to pull some strings to get me on the team, and if I don't go, he'll kill me. I came to say goodbye. We're leaving in minutes." He explained. Her smile faded.

"O – oh…" Her gaze fell to the floor. "I see. Well…do your best Itachi. Don't get hurt."

"I'll come see you first thing, as soon as I set foot in the village."

"I'll be waiting." She managed a smile.

"Sayonara, Kokoa." He kissed her forehead before leaving, shutting the door behind him. She stood in place, eyes glued to the door, vision fuzzy, lips parted. With a loud, painful cry, she launched the cup, smashing it against the door, pieces flying everywhere. Dropping to her knees, she held her face and sobbed.

Itachi had not left. He stood outside, his back to the door, head down. Slowly closing his eyes, he started off. A rush of unbearable guilt devoured him.

 

 

"I thought I might find you here."

"What do you want, Shisui?" Kokoa sighed, making little waves in the lake with her feet. He walked over, hovering over her.

"I have something to tell you."

"Are you his messenger now?" She looked up.

"No, just his best friend. Besides, I came here on my own." He grinned. She looked away, fingering the Uchiha pendant around her neck.

"He didn't come see me after his mission."

"Itachi is a very powerful and skilled shinobi who rarely shows fear when facing enemies, however, when it comes to those he loves…he can't stand to be the one causing them pain. I don't want to say he's afraid to face you. It's more along the lines of, he feels too guilty after hearing you break down."

"Hu? Break down? He heard me?" She gasped. He nodded, taking a seat beside her.

"Just before he left, he heard something shatter against the door, followed by your crying. You don't have to keep pretending, Kokoa."

"Pretending? What do you mean?"

"You're always so optimistic, smiling, understanding. Most people think you're that way naturally, but Itachi can read you like a book. He knows the darkness, the sadness in your heart. He knows you force yourself to smile in his presence out of fear of him getting angry with you. He knows that although you always say it's alright or that you understand, that it's not. That you're angry, and upset, and frustrated."

"I…"

"He wants you to be honest with him. No more fake smiles. No more going along with whatever he says he must do. You have to tell him –"

"Tell him what? That I'm lonely when he's gone because he's the only person who cares enough? That I'm angry we can't visit each other's homes without his father suspecting something? That I'm frustrated when he gets assigned mission after mission after mission with no time to even say goodbye in between? Why would I tell him? So he can feel even guiltier? So he can risk everything just to see me for an hour? So he thinks I'm some pathetic girl with nothing better to do than cry and chase after a man who has more important things to worry about? You want me to be one of those shallow women who expects him to drop everything and focus on me? I can't tell him how I feel because it isn't fair to him. I don't want him to hurt anymore than he already does. I don't want him getting in trouble, and I don't want to seem selfish, even though I am at times."

He stared at her, speechless.

"Kokoa…"

"This relationship is hard, and there are times when I break down completely, but I break down only because I care so much about him. I wish we could be a normal couple. No hiding, no excuses, no going days without seeing each other. But that isn't the case. I knew what I was getting into. That's why I don't complain. That's why I don't cry to him. I know he wants to see me, and he tries, he really tries, so I tell myself it's the thought that matters. Still…I feel so good with him, and yet…I feel empty as well. When the pain and fear become unbearable, I stop and think of what he must be feeling…eyes always on him, expectations, responsibilities…I'm probably not making any sense to you right now." She chuckled.

"I see what you're getting at."

"I could walk away, but…I love him too much, and I know it'll get better in the future. He said it would, and I – I believe him." She smiled softly. Shisui stared off at the water.

'Love? She loves him…'

"Tell me, why is Uchiha Shisui listening to a silly girl ramble on about some boy?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not too sure." He rubbed his chin. "Perhaps it's because you mean a lot to Itachi, and seeing you both so upset really bothers me."

"Well thank you for listening. I got that off my chest."

"Anytime. I should head off though, before it gets dark out."

"Goodbye Shisui."

"Sayonara." He waved and left. Pulling her feet out of the water, Kokoa brought her knees to her chest. She watched the sun set, longing for Itachi to be by her side.

 

 

"You should really show me some new jutsu." Sasuke pouted.

"Why me?" Kokoa inquired, shuffling through some papers.

"Because Ni-san is busy."

"And I'm not?" She turned to him.

"You're only reading." He grinned.

"I have to do this tedious paper work for the Hokage. It's not for fun." She sighed.

"If you really wanted to get it done, you would have stayed home instead of sitting outside." He commented.

"You have a point, but still…no jutsu right now."

"I thought you were the cool one. Maybe I was wrong."

"I guess so."

"Ko – ko – a…" He whined.

"Listen Sasuke, I have to finish this, but if I have nothing else to do afterwards, I promise to show you something so cool, it'll blow the socks off all your classmates. Deal?" She kissed his forehead. He blinked, surprised.

"Hai, hai…" He mumbled, turning away with a blush. She smirked to herself.

"Hey, don't laugh at me Kokoa."

"I – I'm not laughing." She nearly choked, using everything in her to keep from falling off the bench in a fit of laughter. He just looked too adorable at the moment.

"Yes you are! Liar!" He pointed a finger at her.

"You – you just look so cute when you're all flustered and embarrassed." She bit her lip.

"I wonder how you look when you walk around your house dramatically sighing, 'Oh Itachi I love you. I want to kiss you. You're so strong, and handsome, and mysterious! Muamuamua!'" He imitated kissing sounds. Her jaw hit the ground. The heat rose to her cheeks.

"I – I…you…"

"Hehe, not so fun is it?" He teased.

"I – I'm telling Itachi!"

"Nani!?"

"You're being mean to me Sasuke! He's going to kick your butt. Then we'll see who is laughing."

"You're bluffing." He stated, locking eyes with her.

"Oh am I? Itachi!"

"He's not here."

"Then tell me Sasuke, who is that over there?" She pointed. His eyes widened.

"Itachi come here!" She called out. The older Uchiha squinted to see who had called his name. He smiled upon seeing Kokoa, then furrowed his brow when an irritated/terrified Sasuke came into view.

"Sasuke is harassing meeee!"

"D – don't listen Ni-san! She's lying!"

"He just doesn’t want to get in trouble is all." She snapped, narrowing her eyes at Sasuke.

"Um…" Itachi threw a hand behind his head, laughing nervously. "I would love to help you two solve your little problem, but…there 's some dango that needs eating…somewhere far from here…" He ran off in the opposite direction.

"Look what you did. You made him run off Sasuke."

"Don't be mad your boyfriend would rather make out with dango instead of you." He smirked. Letting her head fall,

"Ugh…you're right."

 

 

"My first mission since the injury…" Kokoa mumbled to herself as she made her way to the designated meeting area. Running a shaky hand through her hair, she paused, lips parted, flabbergasted by the sight of her team.


	8. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #8

"You – we – this is the team?" she inquired.

"One of them. We're meeting another squad once we set out. They needed back up, and we were the easiest to gather," Itachi explained.

"You seem surprised. I thought you'd be thrilled to spend some time with your favorite Uchiha," Shisui grinned.

"I can see Itachi outside of missions."

"I meant myself, Kokoa," he chuckled. She rolled her eyes.

"While this is unexpected, and I have a feeling Shisui is going to screw around, I must say that we make a pretty badass team." She crossed her arms in approval.

"We'll see how badass we are when Shisui gets his ass kicked," Itachi snickered.

"Whoa there Itachi, we both know I'm the stronger one here."

"If you say so."

"Such arrogance from such a young guy."

"You know I respect you. I'm only joking."

"You better be." He punched him playfully. Itachi glanced at Kokoa with sad eyes, still feeling guilty.

"We should head out. Now."

"Who voted you leader?"

"Shisui…"

"Hai, hai. Come on Kokoa, before he lays an egg."

"You've been pretty quiet." Shisui walked over to Kokoa.

"When Itachi spoke about you, I had the impression you were very cool and quiet, but you're not," she said bluntly.

"Ouch?"

"You're sarcastic and sneaky." She poked his stomach.

"I'm just being playful. I'm serious when I need to be. Besides, being best friends with Mr. Serious over there, one of has to keep things interesting."

"True," she smiled. "He hasn't said much to me since my little incident…smashing the cup and all."

"He feels terrible."

"So we can't talk?"

"You guys just hit a bump in the road. It'll work out."

"Come on you two. The others should be up ahead," Itachi called out. Shisui gave her a look before following him.

 

 

Itachi stood to the side, going over the mission details with the other team leader. Shisui and another member went through the weapons. Kokoa finished her duties. She sat off to the side, drawing circles in the dirt. Her side throbbed. Her heart ached. She felt as low as the dirt she played with. She scrambled to her feet when Itachi passed by.

"Itachi-san," she whispered, pulling at his sleeve. He paused, turning to face her. The camp fire danced wildly beside them. Her eyes fell to her shoes.

"Did you need something?" he finally spoke. She looked up, wanting to speak, but nothing came out.

"I…"

"I have some things to take care of," he said. She looked away again. Nodding in understanding, she released his shirt, letting him leave. Shisui saw the two from a distance. He let out a sigh, annoyed at how Itachi always handled things.

 

 

Kokoa sat by the fire, knees to her chest. This was no time to be sulking. Not only was she a ninja, she was a ninja currently on a mission. She couldn't care less though. The only exciting thing that took place so far was meeting up with the other team. Aggressively rubbing her face, she silently screamed, frustrated and confused.

'Am I making a big deal out of this? I am. Why am I worrying? Why am I acting so childish? I've never done this before,' she scolded herself.

'It's because I didn't do anything wrong and Itachi is ignoring me. Even if he felt guilty, how would avoiding me solve anything? He's beyond complicated. I don't even know! It's because I can't stand acting this way around each other. It's because I love him.'

She stiffened, resting her hand over the kunai pouch strapped to her leg. Itachi and the others were already on their feet, weapons drawn, focused, prepared for battle.

"Where are they?" Hiroshi, the captain of the second team whispered. "I sense them. They're here alright, but where..."

"I really wasn't in the mood to fight. I was all nice and cozy by the fire," Shisui mumbled. Itachi glanced at him with a dull expression. His eyes then wandered to Kokoa who stood on her feet now.

"They might outnumber us, but it seems they also underestimate us," he warned. They all nodded in understanding, some smirking in confidence.

"Regardless, be on your guard." Sparks flashed. Shisui deflected a kunai launched from between the trees. The enemy was after a sealed scroll. They made sure none of the captains held it. They were usually the first targets. Nine shinobi descended from the trees. As always, the loudest and most arrogant one stood upfront.

"How about you give us what we want, and this whole thing will be over before it even starts, eh?"

"And what is it exactly that you want?" Hiroshi raised an eyebrow. The enemy narrowed his eyes.

"Don't test me…"

"Now I'm sure he truly has no idea what it is that you want. No need to get angry," Shisui cooed. Sick of their bullshit, Eita, the enemy leader, signaled his men to attack. It began, the fight for the scroll….the fight for their lives.

There were casualties on both sides. The Konoha shinobi grew tired, and the enemy continued to unleash unknown jutsu. It was only a matter of time before the victors claimed their prize. Three men surrounded Kokoa, each eyeing her in ways she didn't like.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing out here, eh?"

"Ninja work is too dangerous for women."

"Are you done?" she spat.

"Just getting started!" One charged, another close behind. Forming a series of seals, she slammed her palms into the dirt. The ground trembled, splitting open. A gaping hole devoured them, trapping the men beneath the earth. Then it hit her…only two attacked.

'Where's the third-'

"Never let your guard down!" He leapt from the trees, kunai in hand, ready to slice through her. She aimed to move, but a sharp pain erupted in her side, paralyzing her.

"Die!" The kunai came down hard and fast, only…it never struck her.

"Itachi…" escaped her lips. His back in front of her, he held on to the man's arm.

"You've got a pair of fancy eyes, but even so, I won't let you stop me," he spat in the Uchiha's face. Itachi being Itachi, he stood there with that expressionless face.

"I don't even need to use them," he said calmly, his grip tightening. Then it sounded, the snapping of the man's wrist. Releasing a spine-chilling scream, the kunai fell from his hand. Itachi and the rest of the Konoha shinobi finished eradicating the foes.

 

 

"Here take these," Shisui said softly, handing Kokoa two pills. "It'll help ease the pain."

"Thank you."

"I thought you were better?"

"So did I…I guess the cut healed, but it still feels fresh," she sighed, rubbing her face. She scanned the camp.

"Looking for Itachi?" He raised an eyebrow.

"He interfered."

"Kokoa, he saved you. You'd be dead if he didn't "interfere." Besides, that's not why you're upset."

"I'm upset because he's treating me like a little girl, ignoring me, pretending he has other things to do," she snapped.

"So stop whining, and go confront him. Force him to listen. Hold him down. Sitting here won't solve anything." He shrugged, warming his hands by the fire. She gave him an irritated look before leaving.

"Itachi-san," she called. He stood with his back to her, watching the moon. "I-we need to talk, and I'm not leaving until we do. I don't care how against it you are. You're not running away." She crossed her arms. No reply.

"Itachi…kun…" Her arms fell. "Oi! Itachi, listen to me!" She spun him around. She met his blank expression, unaware that her sudden outburst surprised him.

"Why won't you talk to me? You won't even acknowledge me. We didn't fight. I didn't hurt you. You didn't hurt me. Why are you being so – so cold?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Kokoa. You should be resting," he replied calmly.

"You don't know? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I'm oblivious? I know a lot about you Itachi, but I still have trouble reading you sometimes. I have no idea what's going on in your head. You suddenly stopped seeing me, stopped talking to me. You ignore me completely, then you risk your life to save me. I'm confused!"

"Of course I saved you. I wasn't going to let you die."

"Itachi…" she sighed.

"What is it…Kokoa?" he inquired, still completely calm. She clenched her fists.

"Shisui told me you feel guilty! He said you heard me break down, and that you feel terrible about it. Is that why you can't, why you won't face me!?" He remained silent.

"You feel bad? Responsible? You don't want to hurt me anymore? Well, what is it Itachi?"

"I don't know what you're getting at."

"You're killing me!" She pointed a finger at him. "The day you left for a mission, you stopped by to say farewell. That was the day. You left, and I smashed a cup against the door! That's what he said, that's what I'm talking about! How can you not know?"

"Why did you smash the cup, Kokoa?"

"I was angry – not angry – sad!"

"Why?"

"Because I thought you came over to spend time together, but you had to leave instead."

"So you smashed a cup?"

"You always leave. You always push things aside. You're always overwhelmed. I barely see you, and when I do, you're exhausted! I knew this relationship would be hard. I knew we would have to make sacrifices for each other, but sometimes – sometimes it's hard Itachi! It gets so hard. All I want is to see you, to–to look after you, and hold you, but you always have to leave! You always have to leave…" She took a step back, rubbing away the tears.

"Thank you, Kokoa," he said with a smile. She looked up, bewildered.

"What…what were…what are you thinking?" she snapped in frustration.

"I always walk away from you, leave you with excuses, and all you ever do is smile and take it. You tell me you understand, and then I'm gone. Hearing you cry, the smashing of the cup…I know it's difficult, I know it hurts, and if I could make all that pain go away, Kokoa, I would. You've been so strong, for the both of us, and it isn't fair for you to have to keep it all in. I want you to tell me when you're sad, when you miss me, when you're angry. I want you to speak your mind, to have some input, to be honest and real. No more fake smiles, no more blindly agreeing to whatever I say. I want you to talk to me. That's why I've been ignoring you. I wanted you to open up. I wanted you to tell me the truth without me having to force it out of you."

"Itachi." She closed her eyes. She opened them, only to see him standing before her. He lowered himself slightly.

"You also owe me a "thank you" for saving your life," he smiled warmly, tenderly kissing her forehead. She stared in awe.

"You should really rest." And with that, he walked off to discuss some matters with Hiroshi.

"Itachi…"


	9. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #9

Shisui strolled through Konoha, tea in one hand, a stick of sweets in the other.

"Shisui! I finally found you!" Kokoa gasped, running up to him. He paused, dango still in his mouth.

"I didn't know you lost me."

"No time for joking. This is serious."

"What's wrong?"

"I told you something not too long ago, and I didn't realize how important it was until I said it to myself recently. Now it's all I've been thinking about, and I just – you! You can never speak of it!"

"Well I would agree or promise you…if I knew what you were talking about! Hellooo Kokoa, are you alright? Did you fall? Get knocked too hard on the head?"

"Listen Uchiha, I'm being serious!" she exclaimed.

"I can't help you if I have no idea what you're even talking about."

"You really can't remember me saying anything sudden, unexpected, or shocking to you? Nothing that made you gasp, or pause?"

"Nnnnooope. Trust me, I would have teased you about it," he admitted.

"Alright…" She took two steps back. "Are you sure?"

"Mhm."

"Really?" Another several steps.

"Yup."

"So no worries?" she called from the distance. With a slight smirk,

"No worries."

 

"Sasuke!"

"Yelling is futile Kokoa!"

"P-please!"

"Never!"

"Sasuke…get…off."

"You're not as scary as you think you are," he grinned before tackling her again. They wrestled in his room – or – actually Sasuke attacked her out of nowhere, and wouldn't get off. Despite her protesting, Kokoa didn't really mind. She loved Sasuke. He was her excuse to act like a child.

"Who said I think I'm scary?" she growled, knocking him to his butt. He looked up with a pout.

"Sorry," she chuckled.

"What on earth is going on in here?" Fugaku barged in, finding Sasuke on his butt with Kokoa hovering over him.

"I – I –" she stammered, frozen in fear. Fugaku stood there, studying her. Something caught Sasuke's attention. His eyes widened. He suddenly launched himself at the girl before him, knocking her onto her back.

"We're just wrestling, right Kokoa?" he laughed.

"My spine…" she sobbed. "Yeah, just wrestling." She pushed him off, sitting up slowly.

"My apologies Uchiha-san. Sasuke wanted to show Itachi-san and I something he learned at the academy, but since he isn't home, we were waiting for him. I guess we were that bored. I'm sorry about the noise," she apologized.

"Just keep it down is all," he sighed before leaving.

"Do you want your father to hate me more than he already does!" Kokoa hissed.

"He doesn't hate you! He's just…boring."

"Sasuke…" She rubbed her face.

"Now you're being boring like him."

"You attacked me in front of him."

"I saved you."

"Saved me? This is going to be good. Do tell."

"Your necklace. It was hanging out."

"My necklace – oh!" Her hands shot to her neck.

"That's why I attacked you. I tucked it under your shirt so he wouldn't see." He explained.

"Thank you Sasuke. You really did save my life," she sighed.

"I don't know why I did it though."

"Hu?"

"For some reason I just thought if he saw it, he'd be angry."

"Sometimes giving gifts to a person means you have feelings for them. Maybe you thought that if your father saw it, he'd think something was going on between Itachi and I. I'm also not an Uchiha. Maybe he's not too fond of the idea of a non-Uchiha wearing the crest." She shrugged.

"Hmm. Either way, you owe me."

"Crap…"

"That's why I like you Kokoa. You're like a big sister, but not really. You just buy me things and keep me out of trouble."

"What would you do without me?" she grinned. "Let's go grab a bite while we wait for your brother."

"Yes!"

 

"Itachi?" Kokoa blinked, holding the door open.

"Yo," he smiled. She backed up into her house, letting him in.

"Hi," she mumbled, scolding herself for looking like a bum. She was clean and looked fine, but today was her lazy day, and that meant a pair of nice loose pants and a random shirt.

"Sorry I'm such a mess. I wasn't expecting you. Why are you here by the way? A mission? Did you need something –"

"Ssshh," he cut her off with a kiss. She pulled away, shyly avoiding his eyes.

"I know how to quiet you," he smirked. She crossed her arms with a glare.

"You owe me money by the way," she announced.

"For what?"

"Being late yesterday."

"I thought I made it up to you by getting you those snacks you like so much," he explained.

"Because you were late, Sasuke started causing me trouble, and to keep him busy, I took him out for a treat. You owe me."

"Does it have to be money?"

"What else would it be?"

"I have something in mind. Go get dressed in something you don't mind being seen in," he instructed.

"Why?"

"No missions, I got all my work done. I finally have some time."

"But what about –"

"Kokoa, are you really complaining about spending time together?" he inquired.

"You Uchiha brothers kill me," she sighed, walking off to change.

 

"That food was delicious," she grinned, patting her belly.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I did, I did. Thank you Itachi-san," Kokoa smiled, linking her arm with his as they walked away from town.

"Well I apparently owed you. Now I'm off the hook." Eyes closed, he gave her a warm smile. Her grip on his arm tightened as an all too familiar feeling boiled deep within her.

"Thank you." Her voice softened.

"You already said that," he chuckled. She came to a stop, eyes glued to her feet.

"Kokoa?"

"Thank you…for being with me today, every day. It means so much –" He pressed his lips to hers, the back of his hand resting against her delicate cheek. Her eyes fell shut. Gripping his sleeves with both hands, she gave in, letting him have and do whatever he pleased. That was her only wish…to be his in every way. While he cared about her deeply, his work occupied a good amount of his attention. He told her there would be a time when they would be free to devote themselves to each other, a time when no one was watching or criticizing…and she trusted him. She lived for him, and yearned to care for and pamper him always because in her eyes, no one deserved it more. She would do everything and anything for Uchiha Itachi, no matter what happened.

He left one last kiss before pulling away, resting his forehead against hers.

"That – that wasn't too much, was it?" he inquired nervously.

"Uh – n-no – it…was nice," she whispered with a blush. There it was again, that overwhelming sensation. It was torturous. Not able to hold it in any longer,

"Itachi, I…" she started. Their eyes met. She immediately looked away.

"Hm?"

"I…" She sighed, angry with herself for lacking the courage. "It'll be dark soon. I don't want you getting in trouble."

"No worries. A few minutes won't make a difference."

"They will to your father. Don't be stubborn. Go on home. I'll see you next time," she chuckled, rubbing her arm.

"Quick to get rid of me. I see how it is," he grinned.

"Hey, if you get in trouble, then I won't be able to see you for ages. It's for our own good," she chuckled.

"Hn, goodnight Kokoa," he smiled, starting off towards the setting sun.

  
Setting down the document in his hands, Fugaku glanced at his wife, who sat beside him in bed. She caught him staring in the dim light, and flashed a warm smile.

"Mikoto…" he started.

"Hm?"

"Do you remember that necklace I gave you when we were young?"

"You gave me a lot of things when we were young, and a good chunk of it was jewelry," she giggled.

"It was the first one I gave you. The chain with the Uchiha symbol."

"Oh…yes that one. Of course I remember it," she replied, unsure where he was going with this.

"Whatever happened to it?" he inquired. Her eyes widened slightly.

"Oh, I put it away ages ago. It looked better back then. It's more for younger girls, you know? It's safe though. It's very dear to me. Why did you suddenly bring it up?"

"It just came to mind for some strange reason…" he trailed off. "I was curious, wondering where it ended up after all this time. It's no big deal," he assured her. She smiled, rolling onto her side. She gripped the sheets, relieved he let the subject go.

  
Annoyed that he always came by to harass her, Kokoa turned around, launching a shuriken. Shiusi easily caught it between two fingers. He gave her a dull look.

"If you're going to kill me, I suggest using something that would do a little more damage."

"Why are you always…well in my face?" she inquired, crossing her arms.

"I get bored easily, you're Itachi's woman, and I enjoy harassing you."

"One of these days you'll regret it."

"Sure I will," he grinned. She playfully rolled her eyes. "To be honest, I was just walking back home, then I spotted you. I thought I'd say hello."

"Well hello Uchiha."

"Anything new going on? Any missions?"

"I'm waiting a little longer. My side just won't stop throbbing." She held herself. "It's been ages, but I can't risk it again. Had Itachi not jumped in back then, I would be dead. That pain shook me all over."

"It's the smart thing to do."

"What about you? Anything interesting happening?"

"Me?" He thought for a moment. "I have an assignment tomorrow. I trained earlier today. I'm kind of hungry, oh, and don't worry, I haven't told Itachi that you love him."

"Wow, you're so s- wait…what…?" She froze.

"What?"

"Y-you – you said…you said you didn't know," she stammered, pointing a finger at him.

"When you asked me if I remembered you saying anything shocking, at first I really had no clue. Then it hit me," he explained.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why – you can't tease me, not with this. Please Shisui-san," she begged. He took a step back, surprised by her behavior.

"What's the big deal Kokoa? He doesn't know?"

"He doesn't. We know we care about each other, and we've talked about our future, but neither of us have come out and said 'I love you.' I know it sounds silly, but it's not. Not to me at least…" She stared at her feet.

"I haven't said anything! I only brought it up now to tease you. If you don't want me to tell, I won't."

"How can I trust you? You're his best friend. You tell each other everything. You've been wanting to tell him, or drop hints for days now, right?"  
"I…" He let out a sigh.

"If you both know you care about each other, what's so bad about him finding out?" he inquired.

"I want to be the one to tell him. This isn't a silly crush, a rumor to spread around to poke fun. I…love him with everything in me, and I would do anything for him, anything he asked. I want him to hear it from my mouth, to see it in my eyes, that he's the most important thing in my life. He'll always come first. That's why I don't want him to hear this generic "Oh Kokoa loves you" from you or anyone really. It's so much more than that…Also…I' afraid he might not feel as strongly as I do." She turned away.


	10. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #10

Kokoa sat on the couch in silence, staring at the wall. Thoughts clashed against her skull. He knew. Shisui knew. Sure he promised to keep it a secret, but he and Itachi…well they were practically brothers. How could he not tell him?

"What's the big deal Kokoa? Relax….but if he knows…if Itachi finds out…Why do I care so much?" She threw her head back.

"Because when it comes to Itachi…ugh curse this heart of mine. Some ninja I am…worrying over some guy." She brought a pillow to her face.

"Stupid Kokoa, he's not some guy. He's THE guy. That's why." Launching the pillow across the room, she rose to her feet.

"I'm hungry."

  
  
After stuffing her face, Kokoa thought some air would help calm her nerves. She strolled through Konoha as always, admiring the shops and people. She froze when Itachi and Shisui came into view.

"Crap," she muttered, trying to decide what to do. Stay…or get the hell out. She turned on her heels, ready to sprint out of there, when,

"Oi! Kokoa!" She turned half way to see Shisui calling and waving to her. She cursed him a few times before turning around with an awkward smile.

"What are you doing?" he inquired, walking over. Ignoring Shisui first, she glanced at Itachi who greeted her with a smile.

"Uh – just walking…I needed some air is all. Y-you?"

"We were just sparring," Itachi replied.

"Yeah, it was more like me kicking his ass twice over," Shisui snickered, throwing an arm around his friend. Itachi sighed in irritation. Shisui peered at her from the corners of his eyes.

"Don't worry Kokoa, I haven't told Itachi your secret," he said casually. She stiffened.

"Secret? What secret?" Itachi removed his friend's arm.

"That I'm treating you to dango later!" she blurted, throwing both hands over her mouth afterwards. The Uchiha gave her a questioning look.

"No, not that."

"Am I missing something…?"

"Itachi I-" she stammered.

"She secretly…" Shisui started. Kokoa looked over in panic.

"Llllooooves…" She narrowed her eyes. He was dead.

"Bubble baths."

"I'll kill you Uchiha – wait…" She fell silent. Itachi scratched his head.

"Normally I pick up on things pretty quick, but I'm still…well lost."

"Kokoa secretly loves bubble baths."

"I…" She was speechless. "You kill me. You just kill me."

"I guess the secrets out, hu?" he grinned.

"Shisui, leave her alone before she hurts you."

"He's screwed either way." She mumbled, turning to leave before he decided to actually tell Itachi she loved him.

"Going to take a bath Kokoa?" He teased. She shook her head and marched off, embarrassed.

  
  
  
"You've been a bit…awkward lately."

"Itachi?" Kokoa turned around in surprise. "Always sneaking up on me like that."

"I'm practicing is all," he grinned. "Looks like you were too."

"Just some basic shuriken throwing. I was bored, but not in the mood to get all dirty." She shrugged. He looked up, smiling slightly as the sun's rays peeked through the forest's trees, warming his face.

"Hm, it is beautiful out, isn't it?" she smiled. He stood there silently, watching her.

"What?" She uncrossed her arms. "Itachi? Stop - stop staring." She blushed. Then it hit her.

'SHISUI TOLD. He must have!'

"Itachi-san, w-why…" She avoided his eyes.

"Shisui was right, you are fun to mess with," he grinned.

"You suck…both of you." She turned her face away.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist." He walked over, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"You're lucky I like you."

"I'm flattered," he whispered, stealing a quick kiss from her lips, surprising her. She grabbed his sleeve without meaning to. Taking that as an invitation, he held and kissed her again, only longer, deeper. They both wanted it, putting their hearts into that fleeting moment. His grip on her shoulders tightened when he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, sighing slightly. Seconds after, Kokoa stiffened, realizing why he had stopped. Peeling open an eye,

"Orokanaru otōto yo…" There Sasuke stood, frozen in his tracks, eyes wide and glued to the sight of his older brother and Kokoa, sharing such and intimate moment. Afraid, Kokoa opened her eyes slowly to see him. His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Itachi slowly let go of her, taking a step away, eyes never leaving his younger brother.

"Sasuk-"

"Ni-san…You – she – finally!" he shouted, waving his arms around. Itachi blinked in surprise. Kokoa bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"You were kissing. That means…does that mean you guys are together? Please say yes," he pleaded.

"Sasuke calm down."

"How can I Ni-san? I've been telling you for weeks to do something! How? When? Where?" he pressed. Itachi glanced over at Kokoa with a sigh.

"There's no point in trying to hide it," she admitted. He shook his head.

"Come here Sasuke. We'll tell you everything, but promise me you'll calm down? I've never seen you so…I don't even have words for it. I'm a bit worried actually."

"Just tell me, tell me." He rushed over. Grabbing their hands, he lowered them to sit on the ground with him. Kokoa remained silent. Itachi would tell Sasuke all that he wanted him to know.

"Yes Sasuke…we are together," he sighed.

"Yes!" he cheered.

"You can't tell anyone. I mean no one. Not Mother or Father, your friends, our family. No one Sasuke. Do you understand?"

"Mhm, mhm." He nodded aggressively. "But why Ni-san? Aren't you happy?"

"That's exactly it Sasuke. I am happy, and if this reached Father…you know how he's always watching me, saying I have no time for distractions. If he found out, it's possible he'd make me stop seeing Kokoa. I can't let that happen," he explained.

"You're right. You did mention that before. I understand. No one else knows? And when did it happen?"

"We've been together for a while now. Quite some time actually."

"So when I would tease you about her?"

"We were together."

"When she was in the hospital? When she came over for dinner? All those times I would see you guys together…you were a couple?"

"Way before any of that."

"Why – why didn't you tell me…" The smile on the child's face faded. Kokoa looked down sadly.

"It's not that we didn't want you to know Sasuke," she started. "It's just that you're young, and we didn't want you to let it slip in front of the wrong person."

"No one was supposed to know, but Mother figured it out on her own, and Shisui squeezed it out of me. Don't be angry with us. We just wanted to keep it hidden for a while," Itachi added.

"But now you know Sasuke, and we're trusting you. You're a part of this relationship in some strange way," he chuckled.

"Because I like you both, I'll keep it a secret," he grinned.

"To be honest, I'm relieved he knows. Now I won't have to come up with ridiculous excuses," Kokoa stated.

"Sasuke knowing does make things easier," he agreed. "No more secrets."  
"No more secrets Ni-san."

"I want you to be there for Kokoa, Sasuke. If something were to happen to me, I want you to be there…for each other."

Kokoa furrowed her brow, shocked why Itachi suddenly mentioned something like that.

"What are you talking about Ni-san?" Sasuke inquired, the smile fading from his lips.

"What are you…" Kokoa trailed off.

"I'm just saying…being a shinobi is dangerous. Things happen. If I die, I want Sasuke to promise to be there for you." He faced his brother.

"I…I do – I will," the child promised. Kokoa stared at her hands, biting the inside of her cheek.

"Good Sasuke. Knowing you'd have each other…I just want you to look out for her if I'm not here anymore. Whether that relationship turns into something more when you're older, well that's up to you," he half laughed, hoping to lighten the mood. Sasuke's head shot down, eyes wide, cheeks a light pink. Kokoa kept her gaze down, lips sealed. If one listened close enough, the sound of her heart breaking could be heard.

  
  
"You know I brought over some dango so we could eat and spend time together."

"I'm not in the mood," she shrugged.

"To eat or talk?"

"Both."

"Kokoa…you're folding clothes. Besides, you never turn down my surprise dango visits," Itachi commented. No response. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh.

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing Itachi. I'm fine," she said softly.

"Really? You're really brushing me off like that? Come on now."

"I'm just a little – a little confused is all…shocked even."

"About what?" He lowered his voice, looking at her with questioning eyes.

"What the hell you told Sasuke. That he had to be there for me if you died. Where did that come from?" She aggressively folded a shirt. He studied the floor for a second, deep in thought.

"I said it before, being a ninja is dangerous-"

"I know that. In case you forgot, I'm one too," she interrupted.

"Then you understand where I'm coming from."

"Not really Itachi. Not really."

"Why are you so upset?"

"Well for one, you implied that if you die it's alright for me to hook up with your younger brother in the future," she said bluntly.

"I didn't mean it to sound like that Kokoa."

"And two…where is all this talk about you dying coming from?" she mumbled. By now she wasn't really folding clothes anymore. It was more like curling everything into random lumps and tossing them aside.

"Look at me," he said. She didn't answer.

"Kokoa look at me when I'm talking to you. Please."

"What?"  
"Tell me."

"You tell me, Itachi-san. Tell me why. Are you planning on dying? Is there some mission? Are you sick? Is someone after you? I just don't get how we go from celebrating with Sasuke, to promising to look after me if you die. Completely unexpected, shocking, heartbreaking…" She met his eyes.

"It's just…I'm always thinking about it. If something did happen to me…I don't want to leave you alone again."

"But suddenly forcing little Sasuke to promise you…Besides, you're strong."

"Kokoa I-"

"I don't mean to be one of those people always praising and drooling over you because you're an Uchiha, but I do know you're strong Itachi, ridiculously strong. Why are you fixated on your death all of a sudden? It's hard to hear you speak like this."

"Kokoa you know this lifestyle all too well. Our lifestyle. We are shinobi. Tools. Weapons, constantly laying our lives on the line for our village. You know the violence we face. You know the blood, the death, the loss, the pain. You know Kokoa-"

"Of course I do Itachi! Of course I do."

"Then why are you being so naïve? You always walk around pretending like nothing's wrong. Didn't I tell you no more acting? Stop being so childish."

She fell silent. He had never raised his voice at her before.

"I lost my parents when I was very young. I barely remember them. And I don't go a day without thinking of Mamoru, the boy on my team who died. I know what loss feels like. What grief, pain, despair, what all of it feels like. I know it's real, but I can't keep thinking about it. I'll go insane. That's why with you I always try to smile and laugh, because I'm with you. I'm in a good and safe place. Why should I feel sad or afraid in your arms? It's when we're apart that I'm scared because I can't be there for you. I can't be there to look after you, to make you happy. I'm not naïve, I'm not acting…I'm just trying to be happy…with you. I don't want to think about the bad stuff, but I'm aware that it exists." He glanced down with sad eyes.

"I understand thinking about this stuff. How could you not? It's your life. What I don't get is why you suddenly brought it up, especially in front of Sasuke like that."

"Because Kokoa…like I said before, I wanted to make sure that he'd look after you. If I die, I want him to be there for you. Perhaps he'll do a better job than me. I'm still alive and I'm barely able to be there for you."

"Itachi-san, you're fine. You're right here, always."

"We both know that's a lie," he commented. She sat there, fingering the tassel on one of her jackets.

"I've seen a lot in my short life, enough to make me hate war, violence, power. Part of me becoming a ninja is of course my name, Uchiha, but the other is because…well I don't want to fight. I don't want to kill, or destroy, or hurt. Heiwa. My favorite word. Peace. All I want is to protect. To protect my village, my clan, my mother, father, and Sasuke, to protect you."

"Itachi…"

"And I know that things happen, and if I can't be here to protect you, I have to plan ahead to make sure you're safe and happy because you deserve to be. I know you love and trust Sasuke, and he loves you. When he's older, he will be able to protect you if it comes to it. I just…I'll do anything to keep you from getting hurt. I'll do whatever is takes to keep you safe Kokoa."


	11. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #11

She scratched her forehead a few times, then resumed writing. An irritated sigh escaped her lips. Finally, unable to take it anymore,

"Sasuke, stop staring at me…"

"I'm not staring Kokoa. I'm thinking," he argued.

"Is that so? What about?"

"How you like my Ni-san," he smirked.

"What's so bad about that?"

"He's weird. He's too quiet, has staring issues, and eats too many sweets."

"That's what makes him Itachi though," she laughed. "I love all those things about him."

"Still…you like him. You two were – you were kissing," he whispered in the end.

"We thought we were alone. You can't be mad. You're the one who walked in, Sasuke."

"Hn." He turned his face, crossing his arms.

"You seemed so happy the other day. Now you look upset. What gives?" She nudged him playfully.

"Nothing."

"Oh I know. You think I'm going to take him away from you?"

"No!"

"Then spill, Uchiha."

"Nothing. I just think it's gross when you start doing things in front of me."

"Ugh…" She rubbed her face, annoyed. "Well even though you say nothing's bothering you, I still want you to know that I'd never take Itachi away from you Sasuke. I mean look, we've been together for a while now. Have I ever come between you two?"

"…No…"

"Ok then. It's alright. There's nothing to worry about. Besides, even if I tried driving a wedge between you guys, he wouldn't allow it. He loves you too much."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious Sasuke. Your big brother loves you more than anything. Don't you ever forget that."

 

"Are you sure you don't mind looking after him?"

"It's only for an hour Itachi."

"I know, but I feel bad. It's just with my father in a meeting, and my mother out of the house…I don't want to drag Sasuke with me to Hokage-sama's-"

"Itachi…it's fine. No worries," Kokoa laughed.

"I don't need anyone looking after me," Sasuke pouted, crossing his arms.

"Yes. You do," Itachi replied.

"Why can't I go with you, Ni-san?"

"We'll be discussing boring mission reports, and other stuff that will put you to sleep. You should be thanking me for leaving you with Kokoa."

"Hn."

"He's right Sasuke. Remember how you said I look out for you, but not in a sisterly way?"

"Yeah…"

"That means I actually let you have fun. We're not siblings, more like friends. Behave, and I'll let you do whatever your little Uchiha heart desires," she grinned.

"You have to have some rules, Kokoa."

"That's your job Itachi. You're the brother. Me? I'm just the girl whose dating the brother."

"You two together are dangerous," Itachi sighed, holding his head.

"Like I said, I'm not going to baby him. He's old enough. I'm his friend. High five!" She turned to him, hand in the air.

"Yes!" he cheered, smacking it with his own.

"Well I'm his brother," Itachi stated before picking the child up off the ground, putting him over his shoulder.

"Let me go! Itachi!"

"Why don't you ask your friend, Kokoa, for help?"

"Itachi!" he cried, limbs flailing.

"Alright, alright. Here." He set him down, pushing him back with a poke to the forehead. Sasuke turned away, brushing himself off.

"I should get going. I'll see you." He leaned towards Kokoa for a kiss, but paused half way, peering at Sasuke.

"What?"

"Could you give us a second Sasuke?"

"Why? So you can be all gross?"

"Kinda." She shrugged.

"Never."

"Then suffer." Itachi delivered a quick kiss before heading off.

"My eyes! My eyes!" He held his face, dancing around in circles.

"You're just jealous Sasuke," Kokoa teased.

"Am not." He let his arms fall to his sides.

"Yes you are." She crouched to his level. "Don't feel bad. Here." Getting his attention, she gave him a sweet peck on the cheek. He stood silent at first, blushing slightly.

"Gross. You have Itachi germs. Now I do too," he mumbled, rubbing his cheek.

"You should be honored. Now come on Sasuke. What do you want to do today?"

 

"How was your day, Sasuke?" Mikoto inquired during dinner.

"You know Ni-san had a meeting, so I hung out with Kokoa today. Then the three of us got dango afterwards," he happily explained.

"Mmm, sound fun and delicious," she smiled. Itachi ate quietly with a slight smile.

"You two have been spending quite some time with that girl, especially you…Itachi," Fugaku stated, taking another bite. The smile left Sasuke's face. Itachi looked up slowly with a blank expression.

"What do you mean, Father?"

"I just noticed you always seem to be around her is all. What was her name again?"

"Kokoa."

"Right, right. That new jonin. How could I forget?" He took a sip of water. Sasuke swallowed hard. Mikoto shifted slightly. Itachi didn't move.

"Is there something wrong?" he inquired.

"No, no. It's just that Sasuke should be focusing on his school work instead of field trips to sweet stands with that girl, and you…as an ANBU captain, maybe you should be a bit more selective on who associate with." Itachi looked away, lips sealed. Talking back would only upset his father and raise more suspicion. It hurt, being unable to defend her, but there was nothing he could do.

"But Father, I like Kokoa. I have the top grades. How is that bad?" Sasuke inquired.

"There is always room for improvement. You are never finished. You don't have time to waste."

"But she's-" He fell silent, noticing the warning look in his brother's eyes. Sighing sadly,

"I'm sorry Father…"

 

"He hates me."

"Kokoa I don't think-"

"First I let my comrade die, and now I'm ruining his children's lives. Your father hates me Itachi."

"He doesn't hate you."

"He strongly dislikes me?"

"That's a nicer way of putting it, but…"

"I'm always on my best behavior around him, but he always seems to catch me when I'm doing something weird, like wrestling with Sasuke. Ugh…I just want him to accept me. How can he ever accept "us" if he won't even acknowledge me? He probably thinks I'm some weak girl. He has a point though…I did let someone die. I did get injured myself, and haven't had a decent assignment in ages. I am pathetic. No wonder he hates me. I hate me!"

"You're rambling…" he stated. "Also, I don't hate you, and neither should you. We're human beings. Don't put yourself down so much. You don't give yourself enough credit. I think you're very strong, and extremely talented, especially in tai-jutsu. Even Gai-san praised your abilities."

"The only one who matters is your father…" she mumbled.

"I want to help, but –"

"I know, I know. You have another mission. A long one this time too," she sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not upset about that. I'm just bummed about him hating me."

"Things will work out in the end. I promise."

"We'll see. Be careful. Don't die, and don't eat too many sweets."

"Whatever you say Kokoa," he chuckled, kissing her forehead before leaving.

 

"I was telling your brother how your father hates me." Kokoa sat beside Sasuke on a bench, the slight breeze fluttering their hair.

"He doesn't hate –" She gave him a look. "Alright, he kinda hates you."

"I knew it."

"But he doesn't know you! I think he's just mad because Itachi and I are spending too much time with you, which I don't get because I don't see you that much.  
"I know. I barely see Itachi. He's always busy. I mean is it so bad for him to spend his free time the way he pleases?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault Sasuke. I just wish there was something I could do, some way to gain his approval. I never cared about anyone's opinions before, but now…it's important to me."

"He was angry because he thinks we're wasting time by having fun. Maybe if we changed how we spent time together, maybe he wouldn't be so mad."

"Any ideas?"

"You can train me."

"Nani?"

"My own trainer, my sensei. That way I'd still get to see you, but I'll also be learning. He can't be mad then. And Itachi could check on me, supervise us when he's not busy. That way it'll seem like he's making sure we're being serious, and Father will think he's being strict. I have the highest grades at the academy, but my dad still isn't pleased. Training under a jonin has to make him happy, right? He says there's always room for improvement. You can teach me a lot of things that other kids won't know."

"Why are you willing to go so far?"

"I like you, and I like being with you and Itachi. You guys don't push or judge me. I also promised to help you. You make my brother happy, and I want you to be a part of our lives, our family."

"Sasuke…" She looked down, smiling warmly to herself. "This means you'll have to refer to me as Kokoa-sensei, and you're going to have to do what you're told. Itachi's little brother or not, I won't go easy on you."

"Yosh! Bring it on, but first, we'll need his permission."

"Who?"

"My father. Come on." He took her hand, dragging her off.

"But – but I – Sasuke wait!"

  
"Come again?" Fugaku remarked, sitting with his arms and legs crossed.

"I want –"

"Let me try," Kokoa said, placing a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. "As you know Uchiha-san, I've taken some time off lately due to serious injuries, both physical and psychological. I've regained my strength, but I'm not sure if I'm 100% ready to get back out in the field. Instead of waiting around, I thought I could be useful. I want to take Sasuke here under my wing, train him when he isn't busy with academy work."

"This is nonsense."

"Sasuke is a strong kid, and he has potential. If he's ready, why not start the more difficult training? I am a jonin. There's a lot I can do for him."

"Are you familiar with Uchiha jutsu?"

"No…"

"Do you possess the sharingan?"

"N-no –"

"Then what could you, a non-Uchiha, possibly do for Sasuke? At his age, Itachi already had control of his sharingan. Sasuke is already behind. He needs someone who will be useful, someone he can depend on." That struck a nerve. Kokoa bit her lip. Ever since they first met, all Fugaku ever seemed to do was bring up her failed mission, the death of Mamoru. She swallowed hard, fighting to keep control.

"He – he can depend on me. I've always been there for Sasuke. No disrespect Uchiha-san, but I'm strong in my own ways, and others, including Hokage-sama seem to agree, seeing as I was promoted. I made a mistake. I regret everything about that incident, and I bear the guilt of Mamoru's death, but tragedies like that make you stronger. You learn from them so you don't make the same mistake again. Just because I don't have the sharingan or know your clan's techniques, doesn't mean I'm weak. I know plenty of higher level gen and nin-jutsu, and I excel in tai-jutsu. Not letting Sasuke train under me would ultimately hurt him. This is his chance to grow." She took a step back, surprised by her own words. The elder Uchiha rose to his feet, heading for the exit. Kokoa felt her heart sink. Pausing in the doorway, he turned his head slightly.

"You may work under her Sasuke, but if I even slightly suspect that you're not taking this seriously, I'll end it." He left.

"Did you hear that Kokoa? He said yes!" he cheered, grabbing her arm. "Where did all that confidence come from? I never heard you talk like that before, like – like you were the hokage or something," he laughed.

"Sometimes Sasuke, all you need is one person who believes in you." Eyes closed, she put a hand in his hair, smiling slightly.

'Itachi-san…'

  
"I can't believe it."

"What's so hard to believe, I-ta-chi-kun?" Kokoa crossed her arms.

"I leave for a mission, and return only to see that you've taken my foolish little brother under your wing."

"It is that ridiculous?" She gave him a dull look.

"I didn't think you were the sensei type," he commented.

"Hey, I make a great sensei, besides…it was Sasuke's idea."

"Hey!" the child shouted.

"You're supposed to be meditating Sasuke. Get back to work," she snapped. He turned his head with a pout.

"But yeah, it really was his idea."

"And my father?"

"We got his approval."

"…How?"

"He actually kind of laughed in my face at first, but then…I remembered."

"Remembered?" He raised an eyebrow.

"What you told me: that I don't give myself enough credit, that I'm strong. You believing in me gave me the guts to be firm with him, to stand up for myself without disrespecting him. You gave me courage." She clenched her fists. His lips curved into a smile.

"You've always had faith in me…I'll never forget that, Itachi."

"I can't do this anymoooooore," Sasuke whined, sulking over to them.

"Sasuke, we told your father this was a serious thing. If he sees us screwing around, or if he sends someone to spy, we're done. He'll punish you, and hate me more than he currently does," she explained.

"You should take it seriously. Then you'll be ahead of everyone else, more than you already are," Itachi added.

"But it's so boring…"

"Sasuke, once you get this meditation, breathing, focus crap down, we can get to the good stuff. Come on, you're an Uchiha for crying out loud, do you know how much fun I could have with you!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"In case you forgot…I am also an Uchiha," Itachi commented.

"Yeah, but I can't train you, or beat you, or trick you, or fight you as an equal. You're just unfair, a borderline spam character of some sort."

"Kokoa…"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding…kind of."

"At least your dad isn't always comparing you to him," Sasuke mumbled.

"Sasuke, she doesn't have parents."

"I know! I didn't mean it literally. Jeez Ni-san, that mission made you grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy."

"A little bit." Kokoa shrugged.

"But I'm not."

"It's ok Itachi-kun, I won't hold it against you. I'll get you some dango to lift your mood," she stated, waving a finger in the air. Letting his shoulders fall,

"I can't say no to dango..."

 


	12. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #12

"I'm done."  
"Sasuke, no you're not."

"Yes I am Kokoa." He gathered his things.

"Oi, where to?"

"Home."

"Sasuke, you can't!"

"Nothing is working. I'm going home."

"Sasuke, your father said if we didn't take this seriously, that he'd end it. You'll be in trouble, and he'll hate me! I thought we were being serious. I know you can do this, you just can't give up!"

"Stop yelling at me!" he exploded. She fell silent with a surprised expression.

"Sasuke, I…"

"Never mind. I'm going-"

"Wait." She grabbed his arm. Pulling him into a hug, "I'm sorry. I panicked is all," she mumbled. He stepped away, nodding.

"It's alright…I'm sorry too. Sometimes I feel like everyone's yelling at or expecting something from me. Sometimes I just want to be me and do nothing."

"I understand, but…you're a shinobi…we have responsibilities."

"I know." He looked away sadly.

"Is this about being compared to your snooty brother?" she inquired.

"I thought you like Itachi…"

"Oh I do, but that doesn't mean I have to be nice all the time," she smirked. "So is it?"

"Maybe. I don't know. Anytime someone talks to or about me, they stick his name in it."

"How do you think he feels? He loves you, and believes in you, but when family and others keep comparing you…it hurts him too. He thinks you might hate him or something."

"I could never hate Ni-san. I know it's not his fault."

"You just need to ignore that junk, practice hard, and then "wow" everyone with the awesome jutsu I teach you."

"You know awesome jutsu? I'd love to see," someone sneered. Kokoa's head snapped, glaring at Itachi.

"I would threaten to beat you with it, but you have an unfair advantage."

"And what would that be, Kokoa?"

"Your fancy eyes," she scoffed.

"It's not the eyes that count, but how skilled the user is."

"But you're very skilled, and that's the problem," she pouted.

"I'm sorry. I can't help who I am," he smiled, placing a warm hand on her head. She smiled widely at his words and touch.

"So, how was Sasuke today?" He walked over, crouching to his brother's level. "Was he…trouble?" He delivered his signature poke to the forehead.

"Ni-san…" he mumbled, rubbing the area.

"He was fine. He just needs more motivation. His mind was all over the place today."

"Work hard," He tangled his fingers in Sasuke's hair. "Otōto yo." The child's eyes widened in surprise and joy, thrilled his older brother had faith in him.

"The sun is starting to set. We should probably head back before it's too dark," Kokoa suggested.

"You're right. Come Sasuke."

"I'm too tired Ni-san."

"Does he have a reason to be tired?" He turned to her.

"Tired from sitting around all day," she sneered.

"I worked! I'm tired."

"Ugh, Sasuke…come on then." In one swift movement, he was on Itachi's back, arms around his neck, legs held by his brother.

"You spoil him Itachi," she smirked. All he could do was flash a grin. They started off. Fingering the pendant around her neck, Kokoa smiled slightly to herself, wondering if this is what having a family is like. Sometimes it felt as if the three of them played house: The married couple, and Sasuke was the child. Her heart raced at the thought of one day having a family with the man she'd do anything for, for the man she loved most, for Itachi.

 

"I swear, maybe training you wasn't such a good idea."

"Why say that Kokoa?"

"If I buy you a treat each time, I'll be living on the streets. I haven't been making too much money due to the fact I haven't had a mission in a while. Ugh…" she sighed, blowing a strand of hair from her face.

"Here." Sasuke handed her half of the popsicle.

"Arigato, Sasuke-kun," she smiled.

"Maybe it will cool you down," he snickered. She shot him a glare.

"Hey, don't take out your anger on me. It's not my fault Ni-san isn't back from his mission yet."

"Sorry, sorry." She shook her head.

"Kokoa."

"Hu?" She faced one of the Hokage's assistants.

"Hokage-sama wants you."

"I've been summoned? What for?" She crossed her arms.

"A mission. Someone wasn't able to complete the team last minute, and you're the only one available who is qualified. You are to gather your things and meet at Hokage-sama's office now." And with that, he left.

"Kokoa-"

"Ah crap…" she muttered, throwing the popsicle stick to the ground.

"You're not happy? You were just complaining about money," Sasuke argued.

"Itachi is coming home today. I was looking forward to surprising him with dango."

"He doesn't need more dango. He'll explode."

"Well I'm off Sasuke. Tell Itachi-san where I went, and don't make up any stories," she warned.

"I won't make any promises!"

 

Stumbling through the door,

"I got here as fast as I…could…" She froze, eyes locked on Fugaku.

"Kokoa, you're here. Good," Old man third announced.

"U-um-mhm." She nodded. "Is this – this is the team?" she inquired.

"Yes. You may know, or have heard of them," he answered. She nodded slowly. There Fugaku stood, arms crossed, the same displeased expression on his face. Two other men stood at his side: one around the same age, the other only two or three years older than Kokoa.

"U-Uchiha-san," she uttered, still in shock.

"Now that you're here, you may set out," Sarutobi stated.

"We'll fill you in on the details as we go," the younger man, Miyagi, smiled. She nodded, following them out.

 

'Not only am I the only female, I get none other than Itachi's father. I'm in deep sh-'

"You're name was Kokoa, right?" Miyagi inquired.

"Hu? Oh…yeah."

"I've heard about you."

"Really?"

'What did he hear!? How I let Mamoru die? Why does everyone know about that? I'm not the only one who lost a teammate.'

"You were just promoted to jonin, right?"

"I was, I was."

"We've never really met, but I see you around sometimes, a few times with Uchiha Itachi."

"Ah, Itachi-san," she smiled weakly.

'Why is he bringing Itachi up? His father is right there! This couldn't get any more awkward.'

"Are you two close?"

"He's my best friend," she replied. "Oh, you still haven't filled me in on the mission details, Miyagi." She quickly changed the subject.

"You're right. So…" He started.

'The perks of hanging around Sasuke so much, you learn to tune people out.' She smirked to herself.

  
  
"She what?"

"Ni-san…I just said, she was called in for a mission."

"She wasn't scheduled for one."

"That's what I'm saying Itachi. They called her in randomly. They needed her to fill a position."

"What team?"

"How should I know?" Sasuke pouted. "Why are you freaking out? You're being weird again."

"Because Father left for a mission today, didn't he?"

"Ah-oh…you don't think…"

"It's possible."

"But of all the teams, I mean what are the odds Ni-san?"

"Kokoa has terrible luck…especially when it comes to our father."

"What about Kokoa and her luck?" Mikoto jumped in.

"She was called in for a mission and Itachi thinks she's stuck with Father," Sasuke explained.

"Well, I did see her heading for Hokage-sama's not too long after your father left. It's possible."

"I feel ill…" The older brother took a seat.

"I've never seen you lose your cool before Ni-san," Sasuke smirked.

"Shush." He pushed him with two fingers.

"You always do that…"

"Calm down Itachi dear. Why so worried?" Mikoto inquired.

"She's convinced he hates her, and he's…well you know. If she's with him, she's probably walking on eggshells."

"She's a tough girl. I think she'll manage. If she can handle enemy ninja, I think she can handle Fugaku," she giggled.

"I hope so."

"Look at you, worried over your girlfriend. How sweet."

"Sasuke, don't tease him."

"But it's fun."

"So is locking you in your room," Itachi muttered.

"Hu-"

"Too late." He picked up his younger brother, throwing him over his shoulder.

"N-Ni-san! Put me down!"

"Shouldn't have teased me, foolish little brother."

  
Miyagi did not stop talking…which irritated Kokoa. She also didn't appreciate his wandering eyes.

'Ugh, Itachi…where are you when I need you? Even Shisui would be fine.' She shook her head, letting out a sigh.

"Bored?"

"Hu?" She jumped, turning to see Fugaku sit on a massive log. "N-no. I was just thinking," she stammered. He nodded silently, taking off his shoes, wiggling his toes. She stood there shyly, staring at the ground.

"You aren't tired, are you?" he inquired.

"I'm fine." She managed a smile. This entire mission was painfully awkward.

"It isn't surprising if you are tired. You were called in unexpectedly after all," he said. She froze. The tone in his voice, the way he looked at her. This was all his doing.

'Did he arrange for this happen? To get me alone on a mission where Itachi couldn't interfere? I don't want to believe it, but the look in his eyes…'

"Well if you've organized all your belongings, don't just stand there like a lamppost. Sit." He glanced at the empty space beside him.

"Thank you, Uchiha-san," she whispered, lowering herself. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she fiddled nervously with her thumbs, unsure how much more of this she could take.

"How is Sasuke doing?"

"Hm?" She glanced at him.

"You are training him…aren't you?"

"Oh – yes. He's doing very well actually. He's very intelligent, has a lot of potential. You should be proud, Uchiha-san," she smiled. "I've started talking to him more in depth about chakra control, and his tai-jutsu has improved in just a short period of time. He'll be very valuable in the future."

"I see…" He trailed off, rubbing his sore foot. "What is your relationship with my son?"

"Oh, Sasuke is precious. I consider him a good friend of mine-"

"My other son…" he interrupted. Swallowing hard, she fell silent. She viciously picked at her nails.

"I-Itachi-san and I have been good friends since the academy. I was, and still am, very shy, so I didn't interact too much with the other students. He was very withdrawn as well, and eventually because of that, we crossed paths and became close. We've also worked together a few times in the past," she explained.

"I see."

"He's always there when I need him, and I try to do the same for him. He is very important, very dear to me, someone I respect, admire, and cherish. Y-you should be proud, Uchiha-san, to have him as your son. He is very strong, passionate, and noble. He's always putting you and the clan before anything else. He knows his responsibilities. Sometimes I tell him it's a bit much, but I realize how important all of this is for him…for you. I won't be the one to make him go against your word." She fell silent again, surprised she shared so much with him. He rose to his feet, slipping the shoes back on. He left without saying another word. She watched him, panic rising, afraid she upset or disrespected him in some way. Gripping her arms, she held herself, wishing more than anything to be back home.

  
She stirred, pressing her face deeper into the pillow. Peeling her eyes open, she shivered when a crisp breeze fluttered through the open window.

'Open? I don't remember opening it.' She shot up, snatching a kunai from the bedside table.

"Easy there," Itachi lulled, stepping from the window onto the bed.

"Itachi? It's – what time – why?" She rubbed her eyes, letting the weapon fall to the floor.

"My father returned from his mission not too long ago. I had a feeling you were stuck with him," he explained.

"So you come visit me in the middle of the night?"

"Problem?"

"…No…of course not," she faked a smile. Pushing the hair from her face, she realized she wore a pajama tank top and shorts.

"Sorry!" she cried, wrapping the covers around her, even bringing it up and around her head like a hood.

"For what?"

"I'm not decent," she whispered, hoping he wouldn't notice her blush in the moonlight.

"What are you talking about?"

"Itachi-san…" she groaned, pulling the covers tighter around her.

"Did I embarrass you? I-I'm sorry. I didn't see anything-" he stammered.

"No, no! It's alright now! See!" she smiled. He crawled over, sitting crossed legged across from her.

"I was going to ask you about the mission, but seeing you now, I don't want to ruin your mood or sleep," he stated.

"I appreciate that," she chuckled.

"You've been working hard lately, training Sasuke and dealing with my father. I think I owe you a surprise."

"A surprise?"

"Mhm," he nodded.

"Tell me."

"I can't. Then it wouldn't be a surprise." He tapped her forehead.

"Please?" she whispered.

"Where's the fun in that?" He lowered his voice as well. Gasping slightly, a shiver went down her spine

"You'll just have to trust me Kokoa."

Lips still parted, she met his eyes, nodding once in agreement. He took this opportunity, kissing her deeply. Her grip on the sheets came loose. The white fabric slid off her smooth skin. He pulled away slowly. In a daze for about five seconds, she soon looked down with a red face, realizing she was exposed. Her eyes widened as he lifted the material, gently folding it around her, hiding her. Placing a hand on her head,

"Goodnight Kokoa." One last breeze rushed through the room before he left, closing the window behind him.


	13. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #13

"I mention I have a surprise for you, yet here you are treating me to dango," Itachi stated.

"I like you, you like dango, so because I like you, I got you dango," Kokoa shrugged.

"Lovely logic."

"I try," she grinned.

"Look here, if it isn't  _the_  Uchiha Itachi and his charming lady. The children you two pop out will be an asset to the shinobi world," Shisui smirked, leaning against a tree. Kokoa stiffened, cheeks turning red. Itachi sighed, blowing strand of hair from his face.

"What? Everyone suspects you're together. Just come out with it already."

"Shisui..."

"I know, I know, your father. Maybe if I have a good talk with him?"

"I already did," Kokoa commented. "It was more of an interrogation though."

"Does he know?"

"No, but he may suspect something. He asked me, "What is your relationship with my son?'" she imitated.

"Did you say you love him?" He said casually. Her eyes widened. He noticed her reaction. It wasn't meant to tease her about her actual feelings. It slipped, and he had to save her.

"You know, because everyone loooves Itachi-kun." He poked his friend's passive face.

"You have three seconds Shisui..." he mumbled.

"I'm done, I'm done." He stepped away. "I'll let you two lovers get back to your date. Sayonara."

"I apologize about him," Itachi sighed.

"He keeps things fresh. I don't mind, as long as he doesn't go too far," she giggled. A figure caught her attention. Her eyes gazed upon an older man. A walking stick sat in his hand. Itachi noticed, and turned his attention to the scene. The man stood speaking to two older shinobi.

"Ne, Itachi-san, I know him. I've seen him only once though. His name is on the tip of my tongue," she whispered, tapping her chin as she thought it over.

"Shimura…Danzo…"

"Aha, that's it. He's one of the elders. I hear he's also involved in some type of underground work. I don't really know him."

"You should keep it that way." His face hardened. She noticed the venom in his words. Deciding it would be best if they left, she gently took his hand in hers.

"Let's go to the lake. Maybe I can get you to swim this time."

"I doubt it, but I'll still go," he grinned.

"You're no fun. I know why Sasuke's always complaining about you."

"He complains about me?"

"Itachi, he complains about everything. It's Sasuke…"

"Truer words have never been said."

 

Itachi climbed out of the water, reaching for his shirt.

"I don't think so," Kokoa smirked, snatching it away. He looked up with a dull expression.

"I'm cold."

"Too bad."

"Why do you insist on taking my shirt hostage?"

"Because I like teasing you."

"Are you sure it isn't because you like what you see?" Oh how he enjoyed tormenting her.

"I– I – well…" she stammered, not sure where to look.

"What, you don't like me?"

"I do like you! A lot, and you're very…toned? Hahaha…" she laughed nervously, almost twitching.

"You should know not to take what isn't yours," he smirked, grabbing his shirt.

"Sorry," she pouted. "Forgive me." She imitated, poking his forehead. "Poor Sasuke always gets a poke. How does it feel Itachi-kun? A taste of your own medicine!"

"Have you been eating too much sugar? Or perhaps you're spending too much time around Gai-san, and Kakashi-san."

"That could explain it," she agreed. The sun sank slowly. "It's beautiful out –"

"Like you," he cut her off with a tender kiss. She immediately gave in. He pulled away, eyeing her with a slight smirk.

"You need to stop doing that," she mumbled, wiping her lips with her sleeve.

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Shush!" She turned away with a blush.

"Don't be so shy," he chuckled, placing a hand on her head.

"I can't help it. I have issues, ok. I'll work on it."

"You're fine just as you are, Kokoa."

 

"Amazing, Ni-san! You even hit the target behind the rock!" Sasuke exclaimed. Itachi rose to his feet, lightly dusting himself off.

"Yosh! I'm going to try. I can do it too."

"Sasuke, we should head home in a minute."

"Not fair," he pouted. "You said you'd teach me a new shuriken jutsu. We just started, Ni-san."

"I'd love to stay and help you, Sasuke, but I have an important mission tomorrow. I have to go home and prepare," he explained.

"Brother, you liar," He mumbled, turning his face. Itachi shook his head with a smile.

"Oi." He motioned for him to come.

"Hm?" Sasuke turned, rushing to his brother with a smile. Poke!

"Forgive me, Sasuke. Next time, ok?" he chuckled. Sasuke stumbled back with an irritated look, slightly embarrassed for falling for Itachi's trick…again.

"Hn, watch me!" Snatching two kunai, he ran off.

"Sasuke, wait! Don't get carried away, or –"

 

Sasuke hung on his older brother's back, arms around his neck. He giggled softly into his shoulder.

"Why is the one with the injured leg laughing?" Itachi commented, trying to look back at him.

"Maybe you did it on purpose just for the piggyback ride."

"No! I'm just excited about our next session in the academy is all, Ni-san."

(In this part in the actual story, Sasuke hasn't started the academy yet, however in my previous chapters, he's already enrolled. I didn't take this scene into consideration. Sasuke's excited about starting, and Itachi argues with Fugaku about who will go to the opening ceremony. You've all seen this several times lol It's not too big of a deal. Pretend it didn't happen o.0).  
  
"That's good you're excited."

"I can finally start catching up to you," he smiled. Itachi fell quiet, sadly eyeing the road. He looked up when loud footsteps met his ears.

"My favorite Uchiha boys," Kokoa gasped, coming to a stop.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" he inquired, amused.

"Hokage's office. I don't know why I'm running though. I don't really have an appointment time to keep." She scratched her head, grinning.

"I was right. Gai-san is rubbing off on you."

"Hey now, watch it," she warned. They noticed Sasuke staring off to the side.

"What's wrong, Sasuke?" she questioned.

"This– isn't this where father works?"

"Oh?"

"This is the Konoha Police Force's headquarters," Itachi answered.

"I've always noticed this, but really never knew why: why is the Uchiha Crest part of the police force symbol?" he pressed. Kokoa crossed her arms and listened as well. Old Man Third could wait a few minutes.

"So you did notice after all."

"Of course I did, Ni-san," he snapped.

"You should treat your older brother better, Sasuke," she teased. "I might have to beat you up. If he's sad, then I'm sad."

"You're just weird." He stuck his tongue out.

"Hn, no more treats after training!"

"Fine! Back to my question."

"Our ancestors were the ones who founded and organized the force. That's why. They simply used their crest as the symbol. For some time now, the Uchiha clan has been in charge of protecting the village. The crest is a symbol of pride. The numbers aren't as large as they used to be, but even today, most members are in some way associated with the first squad, and work to maintain the safety of the village, because ninja who cause crimes can only be stopped by ninja who are even better," he grinned. Kokoa smiled brightly at how he informed and encouraged his younger sibling. It warmed her heart.

"I knew Father was amazing," Sasuke gawked. "Ni-san, are you going to enlist there too?"

"Who knows?"

"You should! I want to join when I grow up, too."

"That's if you ever grow up," Kokoa teased.

"Hn." He glared. Kokoa blinked, surprised to see she had followed them to the Uchiha compound.

"Gah! I went back the other way…ugh…" She rubbed her face. "I guess I enjoyed Uncle Itachi's story time too much, huh?"

"I'm sorry. I should have said something, but you seemed to know what you were doing," Itachi laughed. All heads turned when Fugaku appeared, leaning against the gate.

"Eh-"She took a step back, eyes wide.

"You're late. What were you doing?" he questioned, arms crossed.

"Father…" Sasuke whispered.

"I need to speak to you. Come quickly," he ordered, ignoring Kokoa.

"Goodbye for now, Kokoa," Itachi said with a nod.

"Sayonara Kokoa!" The brothers were off. She waved softly, watching them leave.

'He still hates me…' She let out a defeated sigh.

"Kokoa? Long time no see."

"Mikoto-san? You're right," she smiled, surprised to see her. "You look like you could use an extra hand." She took one of the bags from the woman.

"Thank you dear. Can you bring it in for me, unless you have somewhere to be."

"Oh no, it's fine." She followed.

"So what brings you here?"

"I ran into Itachi and Sasuke, and I guess I got carried away talking with them, I didn't realize I had followed them home," she chuckled.

"Those boys, getting you into trouble are they?" she teased.

"No, no. Don't worry. They're wonderful. They keep my life interesting."

"Especially Itachi, ne?" Mikoto whispered, her hand curved near her mouth as if someone was near by listening.

"Well– I – um…" Kokoa stammered, nervously grinding her heel into the floor.

"Have you two already shared a kiss?" The mother couldn't help herself. She finally had her son's love interest alone with no witnesses. It was now or never.

"Eeep!" She threw a hand over her mouth, avoiding Mikoto's eyes and question.

"Kokoa, as his mother, I'm entitled to know."

"Well you see…it wasn't bad…we just…yes…" Her head dropped.

"No need to get so flustered." She tapped her nose. "You two are grown up, quite mature. A kiss here and there does no harm."

"Ahhh…" she groaned in embarrassment, holding her head.

"Still wearing the necklace he gave you?"

"Huh?" She looked up. "I haven't taken it off. Not once. It's…special. A little part of him. It's hard sometimes…when he's away on so many missions, one right after the other. Sometimes it's all I have."

"I understand. I'm his mother, living in the same house, and I barely see him," she sighed.

"Ah, the life of a shinobi." Kokoa rolled her eyes.

"You're good for him. He actually smiles at the mention of your name. And I know you take care of him. He's always complaining about how you feed him too much dango."

"I know he loves it. I can't resist treating him from time to time."

"Stay honest, and true to each other. I see you two having a long and bright future," she said softly, gently cupping the girl's face."…I also want grandchildren," she grinned. Kokoa hit the floor.

"I – I should go, before you kill me, Mikoto-san," she laughed anxiously.

"I promise to behave!"

"No, no, it's quite alright. I have to see the Hokage anyway. Tell Itachi and Sasuke I'll see them around." She started off.

"Why don't you stay for dinner?"

"I would, but like I said, I have some things to do, and besides…Uchiha-san doesn't seem to accept me yet. He doesn't know…does he?" she whispered.

"Itachi said to keep it a secret, and so my lips are sealed." She zipped her lips.

"Thank you. I hope to see you seen Mikoto-san – "

"What are you saying!? Have you lost your mind!?" The head of the household's voice boomed. Both women froze.

"You should know how important tomorrow is!"

"Are Itachi and Sasuke with him?" the older of the two inquired.

"Both followed him when he approached us at the gate. I think so –" They froze again. The three males stepped outside onto the walkway, passing the women.  
  
"Sasuke, don't forget to put ice on your ankle," the older brother suggested.   
Kokoa glanced at Itachi from the corners of her eyes. She saw the hint of frustration present in his face, and the obvious dejection smeared across Sasuke's.

"I should go…before I get in the way," she said quietly.

"Ah. I'll see you some other time," Mikoto nodded, escorting her out. Kokoa waved one last wave before leaving the compound.

'I don't hate you, Fugaku…I just wish I knew why you're so cold…so strict and harsh about everything, especially when it comes to your sons. Sasuke is constantly fighting for your attention, and Itachi…Itachi suffers more than you can imagine.'


	14. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #14

"How are you feeling Sasuke? Academy work, and my personal training. Are you hokage material yet?"

"Kokoa…" He gave her a look.

"Just trying to stay positive. No need to be rude," she pouted. "I'm actually here to tell you that I was assigned a mission. Nothing too big, but I leave in an hour. I know Itachi's supposed to return from his mission today, but looks like he might be a while. Could you tell him for me? I should be back tomorrow night, or the morning after."

"Will do, Kokoa. Be careful!" he smiled.

"Sayonara, Sasuke."

 

Kokoa tiredly made her way home from a long mission. Her head ached, and she was covered in dirt. There it was: her house. So close. She jogged over, unlocking the door and stepping in.

"Ah, so good to be home." She slipped out of her shoes, yawning loudly. "Oh, I wonder if Itachi made it back on time…"

"Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"Nani?" She whipped around, kunai in hand. "Tsk, Itachi-san, why are you in my house this late…how did you even get in here?" She put away the weapon.

"I'm a ninja after all."

"True…"

"To answer your question, I returned on time. I just wanted to see you."

"So you hide out in my house?"

"Surprise?" He shrugged.

"Hmm, you succeed. This was so unexpected," she teased. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he replied. She eyed him.

"Itachi…"

"Kokoa, I'm alright."

"If you say so. Oh, what do your parents think you're doing this late?"

"Don't worry. I took care of that."

"You didn't kill them, did you?" she chuckled. His eyes never left the wooden floor. Brushing off his silence, she headed for the kitchen.

"Since I'm up, do you want anything? Tea? Milk? Food? Anything?"

"Just you."

"Let me see – eh?" She paused.

"Just you, Kokoa," he repeated.

"What do you…mean…?" He walked over, pulling her close. "Are you sure you're alright? This is a bit weird, even for you, Itachi-kun," she smiled slightly.

"I'm fine," he whispered, tightening his hold, tangling one hand in her hair. "I'm fine."

 

On his hands and knees, Itachi bowed his head before the hooded and masked ANBU member. The candle flames flickered violently in the night.

"Itachi…are you prepared?" he spoke. Silence.

"If you are not prepared, we'll do it ourselves," he warned.

"No, please wait," the Uchiha begged, looking up with desperate eyes.

"Once things start moving…it will be too late. This is a very urgent matter."

"I know," he gulped. "I'll settle this with my own hands…"

  
"Why are you twitching?"

"I'm not twitching?"

"Shaking?"

"No, Sasuke."

"Shivering, quivering? Kokoa?"

"Itachi's been…well he's been distant lately."

"That's new?"

"I'm serious Sasuke. Something is bothering him, but I don't know what. His missions have been fine. He and I are fine. Did something happen at home? With the clan? He won't tell me, even though he knows that I know something is up," she sighed.

"I don't want to be nosey, but he's hurting, and I can't bear to see him like this. I just want to help."

"Maybe you can't help," he said.

"Hm?"

"Maybe it's something you can't help, like he's conflicted with himself or something. I don't know. Ni-san is weird. I never know what he's thinking. Even Father can't read him."

"I'm supposed to be the one who can read and understand him," she stated.

"But you're also supposed to be there for support. When he needs you, he'll come," Shisui said, approaching the two.

"Shisui? Long time no see," Sasuke smiled.

"I missed you, Sasuke. Good to see you. Um, could you give Kokoa and I a moment please? And don't hide or sneak around. I can sense you, you know," he warned.

"Hai, hai," the child sighed, walking off.

"Is everything alright? Is Itachi alright –"

"Relax," he chuckled. "Everything is fine."

"No it isn't. Itachi's a mess, and I can't figure out why. Am I being childish for wanting to help him?"

"Not at all. You do love him after all. You can't help it," he whispered.

"I want to tell him my feelings…so much, but I just can't." She let her shoulders fall.

"Why not?"  
"What if he doesn't feel the same way? We're still young. What if he meets someone else, someone better, prettier, stronger –"

"Kokoa, you're very skilled, and you're a very attractive girl. Girls throw themselves at him, and he doesn't even look their way. He chose you, and only you." He poked her shoulder.

"So it's down to him not having the same feelings."

"Kokoa, Itachi is complicated, you know that better than anyone. He hasn't confronted me about it, but I believe he does love you, and like you, he's afraid to confess. He is human after all. We all have our fears. He would never want to hurt those he cares about. Maybe he doesn't want to tell you because he's always away for missions and meetings. He doesn't want to leave you hanging, get your hopes up only for him to walk away afterwards, you know? He could be waiting for when you're older, the time you can settle down a bit."

"I know…" she whispered, staring off to the side. "Aside from that, do you have any idea on what could be bothering him so much? It hurts. He came over the other night in some sort of daze. And when I asked him if he wanted any food, he said he just wanted me, and ended up holding me for a long time, like I would disappear if he let go. I don't get it."

"Sometimes he just needs his space. He will come to you when he needs you. He trusts you, and knows you're there, and that alone is more beneficial than anything else you'd try to do. Just relax Kokoa. Give it time."

"Time seems to be the answer to everything. I wish time would hurry up a bit," she half laughed. Shisui shrugged with a smile. Nothing could be done.

 

  
  


"You're here all the time. I've been seeing you a lot…too much if you ask me."

"Well no one asked you, Sasuke." Kokoa stuck her tongue out. "I'm here for Itachi. We're going somewhere. It's weird…he's been taking me everywhere lately, doing things we normally wouldn't do."

"He has some time off, so he's taking advantage of it."

"Still…"

"You should be happy. He spends half of his time with you," he pouted.

"It's not my fault. Besides I get him later in the day," she said

"Why?"

"Because it's more fair that way. I play with you earlier in day," Itachi said, causally walking out. She let out a sigh of relief, but not before he flashed her a smirk.

'Odd…he's back to normal. The other day he seemed suicidal, and now he's making jokes…' She studied him, hoping to find something, any explanation to all this.

"That makes sense, Ni-san, but it's still early."

"Today's an exception. Sorry Sasuke, some other time." Poke!

"Liar…"

"Come on, Kokoa."

"Try not to be all gross and kissy around people! No one needs to see that!" Sasuke called after the two.

"I won't make any promises."

 

"What's with you?"

"Hm?" Itachi glanced at her.

"You were so upset the other day, so confused, but now you're…well you seem better."

"I was tired, irritated from…work. A lot is going on behind the scenes…things that are beyond my control…" He trailed off.

"I'm just overwhelmed. Don't worry, Kokoa."

"If you say so. Seeing you like that was hard. I know I can't do much, but you know you can come to me. If anything's bothering you, if something serious is going on, you can come to me. You can tell," she smiled, tightening the hold on his hand. He nodded with a smile.

'If only I could, Kokoa…'

 

"Whoa there. Where are you going, Miss?" Shisui grinned, stopping Kokoa in her tracks.

"To deliver some dango. Do you have any idea where he is? I'd ask Sasuke, but I've seen him ten times this week already," she chuckled.

"Why the dango?"

"I know he said it was nothing, but something is bothering him. I just want to cheer him up a little. You know Itachi loves his dango."

"I do, I do. He's in the forest, training as usual."

"Arigato, Shisui," she smiled, running off with the bundle in her arms. He sorrowfully watched her.

 

"There you are."

"Kokoa?" He looked over in surprise.

"I brought you some dango." She held out the goods.

"Thank you, but I'm training at the moment."

"You can save them for later," she smiled, setting it down beside his things.

"You didn't have to." His eyes never left the ground as he spoke.

"I know. I wanted to, to cheer you up."

"Why do you keep doing this?"

"Hu? What do you mean?"

"This, that, trying to cheer me up, trying to fix it all."

"Because…" Her smile faded. "I care about you. You're upset, and I just wanted to make you feel better…to see you smile." She wanted more than anything to blurt out "I love you!" To just let go, finally get it off her chest, but she still couldn't.

"You can't fix everything, Kokoa. What did I tell you about being naïve –"

"I'm not being naïve. I'm just trying to help, trying to understand why you were on the verge of tears in my house the other night! You always do this. You disappear for days, and when I finally see you, you're upset, frustrated, not yourself, and you never tell me why. I'm left to figure it out for myself, and even if I do get it, you still don't tell me. You mean so much to me, but sometimes I feel like it's not the same for you…"

"What are you saying?" He faced her.

"Sometimes I feel that I like you more than you like me…that this has become one sided. Being your girlfriend, Itachi, I barely know anything about you, and when I try to better understand who you are…you push me away…I hope you like them," she said, glancing at the dango before leaving him there. His grip on the kunai tightened. Angry with himself,

"Tsk…" He jammed it into the tree. Dropping to his knees, his forehead met the grass, and he remained that way, hunched over on all fours, for some time.


	15. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #15

Rubbing red eyes and tear stained cheeks, Kokoa pulled out her keys to lock the door once she left. She stepped outside, coming face to face with none other than,

"Shisui," she gasped, turning away to hide the fact she was crying.

"Come on, Kokoa. No use in hiding it," he said sadly. She sighed, locking the door before facing him.

"He's just as miserable, even more for hurting you," he explained.

"I see." She started to walk.

"Itachi is – well he's complicated. You of all people should know that, but that also means you know that he loves his friends and family, and he'd never want to hurt them. He'd never want to hurt you, Kokoa."

 

_"All I want is to protect. To protect my village, my clan, my mother, father, and Sasuke, to protect you."_

 

Itachi's words echoed.

"I know, Shisui. I know," she whispered. "I know he gets frustrated, and I don't blame him, but every time I try to make it a little better, he scolds me like some child."

"It's because he's seen the real terror in this world. He's seen war and death. He doesn't want you thinking that life is all happiness and flowers. That's just his way of making you stronger, Kokoa. It's strange, but…so is he."

"How come he isn't the one telling me all of this?" She shrugged.

"Work…mission…something."

"He's been odd lately…I can see it in his eyes. Something's up."

"Oh?"

"Mhm. I don't know what or why he won't come to me…I just…" She rubbed her face.

"You what?"

"I just want my Itachi. I just want to make him happy. I just want to love him."

"But you already have him. You do make him happy, and you do love him. And he knows it."

"What?" Her eyes widened.

"Relax. He doesn't know. I swore to you that I wouldn't tell. I'll take your secret to my grave, I promise." He placed a hand on her head.

"I just like teasing you is all. You're almost like a sister," he smiled. "What I meant is that I'm sure Itachi knows how much you care. He appreciates all that you do, and he needs you. He knows that. He won't throw you away over something trivial."

"Arigato, Shisui. You're as annoying as one, so I suppose you're a brother to me." She cracked a grin. He let out a laugh before his smile faded and he fell quiet. Staring to the side,

"Itachi is in a dark place. Don't leave him, Kokoa."

"I won't."

"You're a very special girl. He's lucky to have you. If it was anyone else but Itachi, I'd steal you away." He winked.

"Like I'd let you."

"I know he hasn't confessed, but no matter what, Kokoa, he really does love you."

"Yeah?" She looked up at him.

"He's my best friend, a brother. I'd like to think that I know a little of his secrets. Itachi never says much anyways. It's all about his behavior."

"I hope you're right, Shisui."

"I am. I'm always right."

"Hn, of course you are."

"Yup! Well I have to run. I'll see you. And Kokoa?"

"Hm?"

"Keep your head up. Things will get better." He flashed one last warm smile before turning on his heels and heading off.

 

 

Out for a few hours, she looked forward to crashing on the couch with a nice hot cup of tea. However, a figure came into view as she approached her home. There stood Itachi, waiting.

"Itachi-san…" she stated. He replied with a nod. "I'm sorry, Itachi, for overreacting," she confessed. He gave her a strange look.

"You needed space. I get that. I always push you, and I'm sorry –"

"Kokoa."

"Hm?"

"Why are you always apologizing?"

"B-because I…I was at fault."

"No…you weren't. I was."

"But…"

"Kokoa. Please. I am sorry. I was stressed, and took it out on you."

"I understand."

"You don't hate me?" he inquired.

"You came back, didn’t you? You're here," she smiled. He looked away guilty. How had he managed to have the one girl who would always forgive him no matter what he did?"

"I'm sorry I keep hurting you, Kokoa."

"Things get in the way. I know. But you won't get rid of me that easily." She placed a hand on his arm.

"That's good," he whispered with a slight smile. "Very good." He folded his arms around her.

"I have one more mission tomorrow."

"One more mission? You make it sound like it's going to be your last, Itachi." She nuzzled her face into his chest.

"Oh…it came out strange. It's late." He tried easing the mood. Throwing his head back, he clenched his eyes shut, wishing more than anything the past few weeks of his life were a dream.

 

 

"Father, when are you going to teach me that new jutsu?"

"Not now, Sasuke," Fugaku mumbled.

"But you said…"

"There are more important things right now."

"That's always the case," he pouted.

"Your brother has been acting strange. He's losing focus. He's barely home. Others are beginning to question his behavior."

"Ni-san?" Sasuke fell silent. He had noticed Itachi's mood go from melancholy to agitated.

"What about that girl?" Fugaku said suddenly.

"Hu?"

"Has she been with him lately?"

"They've seen each other a few times, but recently Ni-san hasn't been with anyone. I've barely seen Kokoa-chan."

"Strange. It seems she's always here. Are you still training under her?"

"When we have time. I'm finally getting used to chakra control," he smiled.

"I see." He rubbed his chin. "Well, let me figure out what to do with your brother. I need to think."

"Hai." The child rose to his feet and left.

 

 

"There you are. Itachi is looking for you."

"Why?"

"He has a treat for you," Shisui explained.

"Oh?"

"He's somewhere in town. He sent me to find you. I'm always doing his dirty work."

"You know you love him," she laughed.

"As do you." He winked.

"Shush!"

"Hai, hai." His smiled faded. "I…I'm leaving. There's something I need to do."

"I see. Is it big?"

"And important. I wanted to tell you…you might understand that Uchiha isn't just a name. It's a clan, an organization. We have a history, part of it dark. Sometimes that past can come back to haunt us," he started. She listened carefully to his words.

"Sometimes there are internal problems, things that others just won't get. Itachi deals with it as well, so if he's acting strange or keeping things from you…it's because of that. Family issues, things he can't talk about."

"I understand." She nodded. "I don't know much about the Uchiha, but everyone has a past."

"Politics, history, grudges…they can be a problem sometimes."

"I know."

"So my point is it isn't his fault." He leaned in, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"No matter what happens, or what he may do, be there for him. You're the only one whose ever seen him for him. The only one he'll ever want. He loves you so much, Kokoa. So very much. And he desperately wants to make things work. He wants to be with you more than anything. In this dark world, you are his light, love of the heart."

 

 

"You didn't have to, Itachi-san."

"I wanted to, for the way I treated you. Also, it was my turn to buy."

"Well thank you. It was delicious."

"I'm glad you liked it." They stood by the lake, enjoying the warmth of the sun.

"It's so nice." She closed her eyes. "So peaceful. So quiet." She let out a happy sigh. He silently took her hand in his, staring out at the water. Gently, he brought it to his lips.

 

"I never thought…" Fugaku gasped upon spotting his son kissing the girl's hand. He froze in his tracks, eyes never leaving the scene. What was he to do? Interrupt them? Scold Itachi and drag him home? Tell Kokoa to leave and never approach his son? The father slowly turned and made his way home. Itachi stiffened. He knew.

"I should head home," he stated.

"Is it because of your father?"

"Uh – well…" He stammered, afraid she had noticed Fugaku as well.

"Sasuke told me he's been on your case more than usual. You're right. You should head home before he gets suspicious again," she smiled.

"I'll try to see you soon. Take care." He kissed her forehead and was off. She watched him leave.

"Why are you becoming so…distant…"

 

 

"What! You know what day it is tomorrow!" Fugaku bellowed late in the night. Mikoto quietly sat beside him, her eyes never leaving Itachi who sat across from them. He listened to his father, hoping, praying he wouldn't mention the scene with Kokoa.

"You clearly don't understand the position you're in."

"I'm going on a mission tomorrow," the son replied, his voice hollow, face expressionless, his entire being detached.

"What kind of mission?"

"I can't say. It's a top secret mission." His bangs fell into his eyes as he sat there, hands clenched into fists, resting on his thighs.

"Itachi, your priority is to also serve as the connection between the clan and the village. You  _do_  understand that, right?" He narrowed his eyes.

"…Yes…" He exhaled. Mikoto's lips parted at how cold her child responded.

"Keep that thought in mind then, and come to the meeting tomorrow!"

His eyes fell shut. His heart ached. His mind raced. How much more of this could Uchiha Itachi take?

 

 

The two brothers sat out back, side by side, watching the sun fill the sky.

"Father only cares about you…" Sasuke confessed, avoiding his eyes. After a moment of silence, Itachi threw his head back with a smile.

"Do you hate me?"

"Eh?" Sasuke gasped, facing him with wide eyes. The shock slowly faded as he pondered the question. Surely he didn't hate his big brother. He hated how people compared the two, how Itachi was always praised, raised on a pedestal, but even if that was the case, he couldn't bring himself to answer the question.

"It doesn't matter," the elder whispered, lowering his head. "After all, being hated is just part of what it means to be a shinobi."

"That's not how…" Sasuke struggled for the right words.

"Being skilled isn't all that it's made out to be," he chuckled. "When you're strong, you become arrogant and isolated. Even if what you sought after was your dream." He gaze fell to the ground.

"You and I are unique brothers. And even if I end up just becoming an obstacle you need to overcome, I'll always be there for you…even if you do end up hating me. That's what big brothers are for." He flashed a warm smile. A door slammed.

"Is Itachi here?" a voice snapped. The brothers exchanged a look before heading off to see.

"Get out here. We need to have a talk."

"Why are all of you here?" he inquired, approaching Inabi, Tekka, and Yashiro.

"Only two people didn't show up to last night's meeting," Yashiro stated.

"Why didn't you show up?" Inabi hissed with a glare. "We get that you've been busy working with the ANBU, and your father keeps telling us the same thing, stating that he's watching over you –"

"But we don't plan on treating you differently because of that," Yashiro finished.

"I understand." Itachi nodded. "I'll be careful from now on. Now, I must ask you to leave."

"I guess that's fine, but…before that, there's something we'd like to ask you. It's regarding the suicide drowning of Uchiha Shisui in the Nakano River last night."

 


	16. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #16

"Is Itachi here?" a voice snapped. The brothers exchanged a look before heading off to see.

"Get out here. We need to have a talk."

"Why are all of you here?" he inquired, approaching Inabi, Tekka, and Yashiro.

"Only two people didn't show up to last night's meeting," Yashiro stated.

"Why didn't you show up?" Inabi hissed with a glare. "We get that you've been busy working with the ANBU, and your father keeps telling us the same thing, stating that he's watching over you –"

"But we don't plan on treating you differently because of that," Yashiro finished.

"I understand." Itachi nodded. "I'll be careful from now on. Now, I must ask you to leave."

"I guess that's fine, but…before that, there's something we'd like to ask you. It's regarding the suicide drowning of Uchiha Shisui in the Nakano River last night."  
  
"If my memory serves me right, you looked up to him as if he was your own big brother, didn’t you?" Inabi sneered. Itachi's eyes darkened. His heart ached.

"Is that so? I really haven't seen him at all recently. It's unfortunate," he said, keeping his cool.

"So we, at the Police Force, decided to launch an all-out investigation."

"Investigation?"

"This is the note Shisui left behind." Yashiro handed it over." The handwriting analysis shows that it's definitely his."

"If there's no sign of murder, then why are you investigating?" he inquired, taking the note.

"For someone with a sharingan, it would be easy to mimic his handwriting perfectly. He was one of the most talented members of the Uchiha, and was feared as Shisui of the mirage."

 

_I've grown tired of my duties._

_There's no future for the Uchiha, or for me._

_I cannot walk the "path" any longer._

  
"He was the kind of guy that would do any kind of mission for the clan," Yashiro continued.

"I'm not buying that a guy like him would leave something like this behind and commit suicide just like that," Inabi snapped.

"It is not wise to judge others based on preconceptions and appearances," Itachi warned.

"I'll be leaving that will with you. Take it to the ANBU and request that they help out with the investigation." He pointed a finger, narrowing his eyes.

"Understood." Itachi nodded. The men stepped outside.

"I certainly hope there will be another lead," Yashiro scoffed as they left. That was it. Itachi tightened his grip on the note.

"Why don't you just come out and say it?" he spat. Turning around, the sharingan flickered in all their eyes, including Itachi's

"You all suspect me, don't you?"

"Damn right, you brat," Inabi hissed. In seconds, all three fell to the ground, bruised and bloody.

  
Still worried of how distant Itachi had been lately, Kokoa decided a walk would ease her mind. He was busy with work, and like Shisui said, family issues have an effect too. It'll all work out,

"Right?" she mumbled to herself as she got ready to leave.

 

"Like I said earlier, it is not wise to judge others based preconceptions and appearances," Itachi scorned, rising to his feet.

"For instance, you've made the mistake of assuming I'm a patient man. The clan, the clan! You overestimate your own abilities, with no idea of the depth of my own. And look at you now, groveling in the dirt!"

"Shisui was told to keep an eye on you," Yashiro muttered, lifting his head from the ground. "After working with ANBU for half a year, your actions and manner of speech are stranger than ever. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Obsessed…" Itachi stared ahead at nothing in particular. "Obsessed with the organization, obsessed with the clan, obsessed with our lineage... A worthless compulsion that enslaves us and limits our capabilities, leading us to fear what you don't understand!"

"Cut it out, Itachi. Calm down." Fugaku stepped in. His son fell silent. "What in the world is going on here? Itachi, you've been acting strange lately."

"Nothing is wrong. I'm simply carrying out my duty is all," he replied coolly.

"Then why didn't you show up for the meeting?"

"In order to reach the height…"

"What are you talking about?" Fugaku gave him a look. Wide eyed, Itachi ripped a kunai from his side, launching it across the courtyard. A crack ran through the Uchiha crest.

"I've had enough this. There's no hope left for this pathetic clan. The people of this clan are all the same. You focus on the trivial and lose sight of what's most important. Change is impossible in this fog of ignorance. How can we evolve when regulation is the only thing we've ever known?"

"Such arrogance!"

"That's enough. If you keep this up, we'll take you to jail!" Yashiro shouted, rising to his feet."

"So now what?" Tekka urged.

"I can't put up with this anymore," Inabi scoffed. "Captain, order an arrest." He glanced at Fugaku. The four Uchiha now opposed Itachi. The youngest stood there alone, eyes cold.

"Ni-san! Stop it already!" Sasuke cried from the house, hiding partly behind the door. The older brother's face softened as he dropped to his knees, forehead against the cold stone.

"It wasn't me who killed Shisui. I deeply apologize for the words I said."

"You've been overworked by ANBU, and it looks like it's catching up to you," Fugaku sighed.

"Captain?" Yashiro questioned in disbelief.

"The ANBU is under direct order from Hokage-sama Even the police force can't arrest him without an official order. Besides, I'll be taking full responsibility of watching over him. Please…"

"Understood"

"Let's go inside, Itachi." He started off. Peeking out again, for the first time, Sasuke met a pair of terrifying mangekyo sharingan.

  
Taking a breath of fresh air, Kokoa turned to see Yashiro, Tekka, and Inabi walking her way, obviously angry. She blinked in surprise. She had seen one or two of them around, but never really engaged in conversation. She stiffened when they stopped before her.

"Hello?" she managed. Yashiro stared off to the side. Tekka played it cool. Inabi came face to face with her.

"You're always with Itachi. What's going on?" he spat. The heat rose to her face.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"That brat thinks he can walk all over us because he's ANBU now."

"He – he wouldn't –"

"Something's not right, and if he keeps acting this weird, your little boyfriend is going to end up in a lot of trouble. If you know anything, I suggest you come clean, before he drags you down with him." With that, they left. She stood there stunned, lips parted, eyes wide. Snapping out of it, she turned to watch them walk, trembling slightly.

"What the hell is going on…"

 

Kokoa stepped into the Uchiha compound, hoping she wouldn't run into Inabi and the others again. She approached Itachi's home. Her heart raced. If Fugaku was home, he'd kill her. She wasn’t an Uchiha. Whatever happened was none of her business.

"Psssst!"

"Eh?" She glanced over to her left. "Sasuke?" He stepped out from behind the building.

"Kokoa, why are you here?"

"I heard something happened. Are you alright?" she inquired. He shrugged, staring at his shoes.

"Come on. I'll get you a snack." She led him out, glancing back at the house. "Where's Itachi?"

"In there with Father."

"Alright. Let's go eat for now."

 

"Can you tell me what happened, Sasuke? Three of the Police Force stopped me earlier to ask about Itachi," Kokoa started, taking a bite of her dumpling.

"They showed up asking him why he didn't go to this meeting, but then…there was a note."

"A note?"

"A suicide note."

"What?" Her stomach dropped. "Was Itachi planning-"

"It wasn't Ni-san's." He interrupted.

"Th-then…"

"Shisui-san."

"…What…"

"He's dead, Kokoa. No one knows why!" he exclaimed. Setting the food aside, she stared at her hands in thought.

'I had just seen Shisui the other day. He was fine. There's no way –'

"Worst of all, they think Ni-san did it."

"What!" Her eyes snapped over to him.

"That's why everything happened. They accused Itachi of killing Shisui."

"He wouldn't –"

"He got angry, and they fought a little outside. Then he started talking crazy," he explained, gripping her sleeve.

"Crazy?"

"He kept saying "the clan this" and "the clan that." That it was pathetic, that there's no hope. He just kept yelling and saying things. It was scary….I never saw him act like that before. Then Father came to break it up. After that, everything about Ni-san changed. He was quiet, and seemed truly sorry for what he said. He promised that he didn't kill Shisui though."

"Do you believe him?"

"I do. Do you, Kokoa?"

"Of course I do. There's no way he'd kill Shisui. He was his best friend, his brother. Those guys think Itachi could do such a thing?"

"I know Ni-san is innocent, but…he's been strange. No one knows why. Before the police guys left, I saw something…something scary."

"What, Sasuke?" She placed a hand on his head.

"His eyes…Ni-san's."

"The sharingan?"

"Yes, and no. It was the sharingan, but one I had never seen before. It looked scary, painful."

"I see."

"What's happening Kokoa? Things aren't the same, and I hate it. Ni-san isn't the same."

"I know."

  
After the talk with Sasuke, Kokoa didn't run to find Itachi. She didn't meddle, she didn't push. For once, she took a step back and waited. Unable to fall asleep, she laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Nothing was right. Nothing felt right. The person she loved most had become so distant, and now everyone was turning against him.

Creeeeaaaak. The window opened. She jumped up to a sitting position, ready to grab the kunai from the side table.

"Itachi-san," she sighed in relief. Tossing his shoes to the side, he stepped onto the bed.

"Kokoa, I am sorry for not coming to you earlier. There was a lot happening –" She pulled him close against her, arms coiled around his back and neck. She did nothing but hold him. No questions, no arguments, no speaking. Surprised at first, he loosened up, returning the hug. He wanted to let go completely, just this once. To break open, to shed tears for his fallen brother. To shed tears for the clan he would erase, the parents he would slay, the brother he would torture, the girl he would leave behind.

 


	17. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #17

After the talk with Sasuke, Kokoa didn't run to find Itachi. She didn't meddle, she didn't push. For once, she took a step back and waited. Unable to fall asleep, she laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Nothing was right. Nothing felt right. The person she loved most had become so distant, and now everyone was turning against him.

Creeeeaaaak. The window opened. She jumped up to a sitting position, ready to grab the kunai from the side table.

"Itachi-sanm" she sighed in relief. Tossing his shoes to the side, he stepped onto the bed.

"Kokoa, I am sorry for not coming to you earlier. There was a lot happening –" She pulled him close against her, arms coiled around his back and neck. She did nothing but hold him. No questions, no arguments, no speaking. Surprised at first, he loosened up, returning the hug. He wanted to let go completely, just this once. To break open, to shed tears for his fallen brother. To shed tears for the clan he would erase, the parents he would slay, the brother he would torture, the girl he would leave behind.

  
  
"Shisui tells me there's stuff going on in the clan. I get it. Family things. I won't force you to tell me," Kokoa said softly, sitting on the floor with her back against the bed. Sitting above her on the mattress, Itachi gave her a confused look.

"He has a point. I just need to give you space and let you know that I'm here whenever you need me."

"Kokoa…are you –"

"Just know that I'm always here. He made me promise."

"Kokoa, you do know, don't you?" He furrowed his brow.

"Know what?"

"Shisui."

"What about him?"

As much as it pained him, "He's dead." He lowered his voice. She said nothing.

"Kokoa?"

"Sasuke said something, but you know Sasuke, he always makes jokes."

"Kokoa he wasn't joking."

"I…"

"Kokoa." He stood up, pulling her to her feet. "Kokoa, Shisui is dead." He met her eyes. "He's gone, Kokoa. They found him in the river." He held onto her arms. Her fingers grabbed handfuls of his shirt.

"But I – I saw him just the other day. He – we were talking. How can he be dead? He can't be!"

"This must be the shock," he said more to himself.

"He was just here! I just talked to him! Why would he kill himself?" Tears spilled. She let out loud gasps, trying to control herself.

"I – I'm sorry Itachi-san." She stepped away from him.

"For what?"

"Being so selfish, so childish." She rubbed her eyes. "I'm crying like an idiot for someone I've known for only months. He was your best friend, your brother! You should be the one crying, not me."

"Kokoa, he was your friend. I know you cared about Shisui, and he cared about you. You are allowed to mourn his death," he told her. "Didn't Sasuke tell you this? I thought you knew he was dead."

"He did, but…I was shocked, but I didn't want to lose it and scare Sasuke. I guess I depersonalized it. I don't know." She shrugged. Her eyes snapped back to him.

"What's worse is that they think you did it! How could they – how could anyone say you killed Shisui! That's bullshit!"

"You know?" he whispered.

"Sasuke told me. He witnessed the whole thing. I guess after it happened these three Uchiha came over to me."

"What?" He furrowed his brow.

"One in particular confronted me, asking if I knew anything about you. He said if I know that I should come clean before you take me down with you. What is he talking about? I understand if you're having family issues, but is there something going on? Am I involved? Do I have to worry –"

"You don't have to worry about anything," he said firmly. "They were pissed because of some of the things I said, so they took it out on you because they know we're close. Forget them. They caused a scene in front of Sasuke; inconsiderate and arrogant," he mumbled.

"I see." She nodded.

"It'll be alright." He kissed her forehead. "It'll be alright."

  
  
Kokoa shifted uncomfortably, moving closer to Itachi as they walked.

"We can go home," he offered.

"I'm fine," she assured him, trying to ignore the looks from everyone. Ever since the incident with Itachi and the others, things weren't the same. There was tension between him and his father. There was tension between him and the clan. The other villagers heard something happened behind the closed doors of the Uchiha. The fact Kokoa associated with him raised suspicion. Eyes were on her. Words were whispered about her.

"If you're uncomfortable, we can go," he suggested ending their peaceful walk.

"I'm fine. People talk regardless. No worries." She smiled. He glanced away, feeling guilty he was putting her through this.

"Kokoa, why are you doing this?" he whispered.

"What?"

"Putting up with this?"

"I like you, in case you haven't noticed, and I told you I'd be there for you. What kind of person would I be if I walked away when you needed me most?"

  
"That is kind of weird, Sasuke. Maybe it's good though." Kokoa rubbed her chin.  


"I thought so too, but...the only reason Father is spending time with me is because he and Itachi aren't speaking. I'm just his replacement."

"Oh." She watched him sadly.

"It hasn't been the same. Ever since the fight, things haven't been the same, Kokoa. Father is always upset, more than usual, and Itachi is acting weird. I barely see him anymore and it's not even because of missions this time," he sighed.

"I know. Your brother is tired. People think he killed his best friend. How would you feel?" She shrugged.

"Yeah, but we could help him. I just want to be there for Ni-san like he always is for me. I want him to be happy."

"So do I, but...I realized that maybe he doesn't want us getting involved, or...maybe he's not ready to move on. I don't know..."

  


  
"Itachi," Fugaku called, stopping his son in his tracks. He turned slightly.

"Yes, Father?" he spoke.

"I haven't seen that girl around much."

"Kokoa?"

"Ah. Are you not speaking to each other anymore?" He raised an eyebrow.

"We are fine. We're just busy."

"I see her with Sasuke sometimes."

"She is training him still, isn't she?" Itachi answered.

"Yes. You aren't having trouble are you?"

"She's my friend. If we were having issues, we'd fix it over a cup of tea or some onigiri." He shrugged.

"That's all I wanted then. You may leave." Fugaku dismissed him. Itachi rushed out. His father saw the two of them. Fugaku knew about his son's secret relationship. Why hadn't he confronted Itachi yet? Why was he avoiding it, playing games as he just did? Itachi stepped outside, letting out a sigh of relief. His eyes snapped open.

"Kokoa."

"Hello, Itachi-san," she smiled, walking up. "I just wanted to see if you wanted some dessert. It's a nice evening."

"I can't," he replied, staring to the side.

"Oh? I understand. Did you want me to bring or save you any?"

"I'll be alright, Kokoa. Arigato."

"Mhm." She tilted her head, scrutinizing him.

"Kokoa?"

"Hm?"

"Don't come here," he said firmly, meeting her eyes.

"Why?" Her smile faded.

"Because of what happened recently, there's so much tension...and suspicion. My father is watching me even more closely than before, if that's possible. He can't find out about us. You are the only good thing going for me right now, and I will not have him interfere. Only do so if you're picking up Sasuke for training. Otherwise...do not come here."

"I..." She glanced away. As hard as it was, "I understand, Itachi-san. I'll see you when I do -"

"Kokoa-chan? Long time no see." Mikoto called. Itachi stiffened. "Join us for dinner. We'd love to have you again."

"Oh - I would, but I've got things to take care of." She managed a smile.

"They can wait. Come on. Sasuke will be thrilled," she urged. Kokoa considered the offer. She glanced at Itachi before turning to his mother.

"I should really go. I have so much. I appreciate the offer, and I'd love to, but you know life gets in the way." She forced a small laugh.

"I suppose," Mikoto sighed. "You'll have to come over once. I'll make sure it happens."

"Hai, hai. Of course. Thank you again, Mikoto-san, and goodnight. Goodnight, Itachi-san." She met his eyes one last time before leaving.

"She's a lovely girl," Mikoto whispered, playfully poking her son's shoulder. "You're very lucky to have her."

"I know, Okāsan...I know..."

  
Itachi sat in his room, eyeing Shisui's suicide note. His best friend was gone. His relationship with his father and others in the clan was strained. Now he was pushing away the only girl he'd ever had feelings for. Putting the slip of paper away, he decided to go to bed early. If anyone asked, he would say work exhausted him.

  


Kokoa roamed the streets of Konoha, glancing up at the setting sun every so often.

"We never got to watch the sunset yet," she whispered to herself. Her eyes scanned the shops. She pulled out her pouch of money. Minutes later, she found herself sitting on an empty bench in the quiet part of town, dango in one hand, the other catching the tears from her eyes.

 


	18. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #18

"Kokoa-chan! I haven't seen you in a while," Sasuke smiled, running up to her.

"I was on a mission. Didn't your brother tell you?" she smiled.

"No. You know Ni-san. He's...not normal."

"When has Itachi ever been…normal?" She placed two hands on her hips.

"Good point. He's still acting differently though. It's not the same," he sighed.

"I know. He just lost his best friend. It'd be even weirder if he didn't react, you know?"

"I guess," he pouted.

"I'm sure everything will get better in time. That's what Shisui always used to tell me, that things take time."

"If you say so. As long as Ni-san feels better," he smiled. "So, are you training me today or what?" He crossed his arms.

"Eh? Today? I wasn't planning on it…" She noticed the look in his eyes. "But I like you too much to say no." She gave in.

"Yosh!"

"Come on, little Sasuke."

 

"You know, I meant to mention it earlier, but are you alright there, Sasuke? Did you hurt yourself?" She crouched to his level, gently stroking around his mouth.

"Oh yeah, it's nothing."

"Really?"

"It's actually why we're here. I don't want to train today."

"No? I was wondering why we're by the lake." Kokoa rubbed her chin.

"I wanted to show you something."

"The water?"

"No!" He tried shoving her. "This. Step back."

"Alright?" She listened, standing behind him with her arms crossed. Focusing, he formed the seals, took a deep breath, and then…

"Holy - !" She stood there, mouth open, stunned. "Katon: Gōkakyū? You know this technique? But you're still just a little nugget! That's why you have a few little burns. Sasuke!" she exclaimed. He turned around with a smirk.

"Surprised? Impressed? Hmm, Kokoa-chan?"

"When? How?"

"Well…it's complicated. I told you, ever since the incident, Father and Itachi have barely interacted. I thought I was just Itachi's replacement, but my father actually showed me the jutsu. I practiced like crazy. I wanted him to notice me. You always tell me not to follow Ni-san."

"You shouldn't. You're Sasuke, not Itachi. Forget what others say," she smiled.

"Mhm!"

"Now I'm in trouble. You're capable of this level Uchiha jutsu? What if I have nothing else to teach you!?"

"I still have a lot to learn. Don't worry. I like you as a sensei. You're strong and kind."

"Arigato, Sasuke."

"And you always buy me food afterwards." He raised an eyebrow.

"…Fine. Let's go," she sighed.

  
  
He stepped into the room, arms behind his back.

"Ni-san? Could you teach me some shuriken techniques after school today?" Sasuke inquired. Turning his head to his brother,

"I am busy. Why don't you ask Father to help you?" Itachi suggested.

"But you're better at shuriken techniques, even I can see that," he pouted. "You always treat me like a burden."

Lifting a hand, the elder motioned for Sasuke to come. Eager to answer his brother, Sasuke rushed over, only to be greeted with a signature poke to the forehead.

"Yuruse Sasuke, mata kondo da. Next time," he said kindly, staring off to the side. Sasuke noticed the strange, the almost pained expression in his brother's eyes.

"I don't have time to play with you today," Itachi explained, rising to his feet, his back to Sasuke.

"Hn, you always say "forgive me, Sasuke" and then flick me in the forehead," he sighed, rubbing the red mark. "And then "some other time" but that never happens." He fell quiet, watching Itachi leave the room.

'Thank goodness, Ni-san is still the same.' He smiled to himself; however, it soon faded when the cracked Uchiha crest came into view. He remembered that day like it had been yesterday; the day his older brother was accused of murdering his best friend; the day Itachi announced he lost faith in the clan; the day he drove a kunai into the family crest.

"Ni-san…"

  
  
"Sighing dramatically. What's the problem?" Kakashi inquired, hovering over Kokoa. She sat on a roof, legs hanging over the edge.

"No problem, Kakashi-san."

"I know we aren't conjoined at the hip, but I think I know you well enough, Kokoa, to know that's a faked smile."

"Always so observant," she chuckled slightly. "I'm alright. Just…a bit stressed is all. No worries."

"Aren't you too young to be stressed?"

"Aren't you too old to know what I’m feeling?" she teased.

"I'm not that much older than you."

"Hai, hai."

"Is it boy troubles?" he cooed. "Specifically, Uchiha trouble?"

"No," she mumbled.

"Mmhmm."

"Kakashi-san…"

"I'm looking out for your wellbeing." He shrugged.

"You suck, you do know that, don't you?" She pointed a finger.

"The truth hurts, but what can you do?" he grinned. "So what has the Uchiha prodigy done now? I heard there's a bit of commotion going on behind the closed doors of that clan."

"I don't know what though, and he can't tell me because it's family stuff, you know, and I don't want to be the person that forces it out of him. If it isn't my business then I'll have to get over it."

"Even if you really want to know?"

"Even if I really want to know, Kakashi-san," she sighed.

"I also heard he might be in trouble, or was at least accused of something serious. The details aren't much, but people are talking about him…and about you."

"Me?" She glanced up, pointing to herself.

"Ah. You've been close since the academy, right?"

"Yeah."

"And well, whether you admit it or not, everyone assumes you two are an item. As the girlfriend of the Uchiha prodigy who has recently come under fire, people can't help but wonder what your role in all of this is."

"Are you one those people, Kakashi-san?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I won't lie, I'm curious, but you know I'm not one for drama. It's too much effort," he yawned.

"Of course."  
"You two are…what's the word, a couple, aren't you?"

"Weeell…"

"Kokoa."

"If you know the answer, why are you asking?" she pouted.

"Because the look on your face is quite amusing. On a serious note, things could get complicated for Itachi and you. Are you sure you want to go through that?" he questioned.

"I told him I'd always be there. If I left when he was at his lowest, when he needed someone especially because Shisui is gone, I would never forgive myself. People can talk all they want, but I'll stay by his side. I'll follow Uchiha Itachi to whatever end."

  
  
"It's so sudden for you to suggest a date like this, but I like it," Kokoa chuckled, walking beside Itachi.

"I was thinking it had been a while since our last outing," he replied. "I am sorry about it being so basic. It was an impulse, no planning. I just wanted to see you."

"It's alright. Some lunch, dango, and a nice walk with you, that's better than all the fancy shmancy eateries. It's just us."

"Ah." He nodded, taking her hand. She glanced him, surprised by his mood. He seemed…lighter. The darkness in his eyes, in his heart, for a moment they were gone and Kokoa saw the boy he was before any of this mess happened. It both warmed and broke her heart, for she knew this mood of his was temporary because he would still go home to his fractured clan, and he would still have to bear the pain of losing his beloved friend.

"Ne, Itachi-san?"

"Hm?"

"We should do something."

"Such as?"

"Let's go on an adventure," she smiled.

"Adventure. Where to?'

"I don't know. Somewhere. Anywhere. Some place far away. Just – just us."

"Just us."

"And Sasuke," she giggled. "Can't forget little Sasuke."

"Of course," he smiled.

"If we were older…maybe it would have been possible, us leaving or doing something other than sitting around."

"Where is this coming from?" he inquired.

"With all that you're going through, and how nothing has changed much for me, I just feel stuck. Sometimes I wish I could erase it all, make it go away so we could just be happy. So you didn't have to carry the burdens of your clan, so I didn't always let people push me around, so we didn't have to be a secret."

"I am sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be. We're shinobi. It's expected. It's probably silly of me to be saying this stuff."

"Everyone has dreams and desires. I am glad you're able to share them with me." They came to a stop.

"I…" She felt herself blush as he pushed the hair from her face, gently pinning it behind her ears. He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"This was nice. This is nice. Just us," he whispered before kissing her full on the lips. It had been a while since he last showed affection this way, but Kokoa didn't complain. As always, she gave in, wanting nothing more than to please and be pleased by him.

"I'm not – if I'm too much," he stopped himself.

"Don't stop," she managed, clinging to him for dear life. "Don't leave." Itachi had no intention of leaving, not this time at least. He wanted this moment to last forever. He wanted Kokoa. He wanted to take her away from town, to be alone, to be there for her in every way. Had it been any other man, perhaps he would have lost all control by now, but Itachi kept his head. He wouldn't take advantage. Although she was a shinobi who had experienced bloodshed and battle, Kokoa still had a naivety about her, and an innocence he wouldn't take. Not now. What mattered the most was making these last moments together count because he was sure these memories would be the only thing he'd have to keep him from going over the edge.

 

He sat in the dark, back against the wall, staring at Shisui's note. He sat there, hollow. It was done. Uchiha Itachi made his decision and he would act on it tomorrow. There was no going back. As he set down the note, Kokoa picked up the letter at her front door.

"From Itachi? Hmm." She opened it, stepping inside her home.

 

_Kokoa,_

_Meet me by the lake tomorrow at five. It is very important._

_-Itachi_

 

"That's it? No details? I wonder what he needs. Maybe he's going to tell me what's going on. Yeah, it's possible," she muttered to herself, grabbing food from the fridge.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see, Kokoa."

  
  
"I'm not too late, am I, Itachi-san? I was at Hokage-sama's office for a report, and I tried getting out early, but you know how he likes to talk, and talk, and talk."

"It's alright." He turned to her.

"I hope you didn't have other plans that you're late to now."

"You're fine, Kokoa."

"Good, good. So I found your note yesterday. What's going on? Did you need something?" she offered.

"To talk."

"Talk? Alright. What about?" she inquired.

"Us."

"Oh?"

"Kokoa…" He met her eyes. "We can't be together anymore."

Her stomach dropped. The thing she feared most was now happening, and she had no clue what to do.

"W – what?" She swallowed hard, pushing the hair from her eyes as a cold wind rushed by.

"My father, he knows about us. He saw us. He's angry, furious, just like I knew he'd be. He doesn't like it one bit."

"I – I know he and I got off on the wrong foot, but – but I'll convince him. We can talk. It'll be ok –"

"Kokoa. We can't."

"But…"

"I have responsibilities to my clan and to my father. You said you understood that. As his oldest son, I'm expected to take his position in the future. I am to lead, to hold a high rank among the Uchiha. You…you aren't an Uchiha. It wouldn't work. They wouldn't let you stand by me."

"I…what if I prove…"

"Clans have their traditions, their customs and ways. No matter what you do, you will always be an outsider. That is a main reason my father is so upset. He believes you don't belong amongst us. He doesn’t want you coming around."

"But I promised…do you not want to be with me either?" Her gaze fell to the ground.

"I do, Kokoa. I care about you very much, but like I said, I have responsibilities as a shinobi and as a son. My clan and father, or you. I hate having to choose because I would never want to turn my back on either, but…"

"I know your duties, your position. I understand, but let me prove to them that I'm not worthless, that I'm not some silly girl. I have stayed by your side. I have been there for you. You can't expect me to just leave –"

"But I am, because it isn't going to work. Our plans for the future were nothing more than the impossible dreams of a young couple. That's all they ever were, Kokoa, dreams. Nothing more. We have to face reality now. No more naivety."

"After all we did, after all we went through to make this work, to be there for each other, you can't tell me it's over. You can't decide all on your own!"

"My father is infuriated. If I don't end it, he will, and you do not want that to happen. You said you trusted me, that I knew what was best for our relationship, Kokoa. You went into this knowing what was to come."

"But I never thought we'd have to end the relationship! I knew it would be hard, but this is – Itachi I – I…" She struggled to push those three words out. I. Love. You. She wanted so badly to let go. She fell silent instead.

"We can longer see each other, Kokoa. It was never meant to be. As I said, it was only a dream…nothing more. I have my path, and you have yours. This is it. This is where it ends, where we have to walk away and turn our backs. Don't ever look back. We're never going to see the sun set."

 

  
After crying for what felt like an eternity, Kokoa found herself alone on the couch in her empty home. She stared at the hands in her lap. Of course she was upset, devastated, heartbroken, but more than anything , she was angry. Angry that his family controlled everything even down to the girl he wanted to be with. She saw it in his eyes even though he spoke firmly. She saw the sadness, a sadness like never before. She could do what was expected of her; to sit there and take it, to accept the fact that she would never be good enough for Uchiha Itachi, or she could fight.

'I promised to always be by his side, too look after him, to love him.' Her gaze shifted to the framed picture of the two. It was decided.

"I'm marching over tomorrow. I'll confront Fugaku, tell him how much his son means to me. I'll prove that I'm good enough without having the name Uchiha. And most importantly, tomorrow Itachi will know the truth…that I love him more than anything in this world."

  
  
He sat in the dark, back against the wall, staring at Shisui's note. He sat there, hollow. It was done. The door slid open. Fugaku stepped in.

"Itachi," he started. The boy looked up, surprised to hear his father's voice so calm.

"I know I didn't confront you about this, especially because of the recent incident, but…I know about you and that girl, that you've been romantically seeing each other."

"I know," he whispered.

"How long has it been?"

"Quite some time now." He eyed the note again.

"I always call her out on her mistakes. She's made a few, and the fact she's so awkward doesn't really help," he stated. Itachi remained silent.

"But she learns from them. She's strong, that girl. Kokoa. She's strong, and devoted to her job…and to you. I know I've been cruel and unfair to both of you about the subject, but…she's good for you, Itachi. She's a good woman to have at your side. I approve."

Leaving it at that, he left his son, sliding the door shut. Throwing his head back, Itachi shoved a hand in his hair, letting out a quiet cry. His breath quickened. Leaning forward, he dropped his head between his knees, fighting with everything in him to keep from breaking down, because if he did...it would all fall apart.

  
  
Still in his room, he sat on the floor in the same exact spot, staring at the note again with half lidded eyes.

"Itachi…" Mikoto stood outside the door. "I'll just leave your dinner here," she said, setting it down.

"I know that you're busy with work, but can't you eat dinner with your family at least once in a while?" She rose to her feet, walking off. His eyes fell shut.

"Arigato, Kaasan." The note slipped from his fingers. He stood up, strapping on his guards, his vest, and headband. His eyes snapped open, red with the sharingan. There was no going back.

 


	19. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #19

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Her feet barely touched the ground as she ran. Some stared. Others whispered. She kept running. She kept running, and running, and running, through the village, down the packed streets, to the hospital. She burst through the front doors, panting heavily. A few people in the waiting area looked away. Two chatting nurses slowly left. She leapt to the front desk.

"Where is he?" Kokoa gasped. The receptionist looked up in surprise.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Where? Where is he?"

"Who –"

"Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke. Where is he?"

"Down the hall, first room on the left. Are you related in any way –" Kokoa was half way there before the receptionist finished. The two nurses shrugged, wondering what was wrong with her.

"Sasuke!" She flung open the door. Empty. "What? Where – shit," she spat, turning on her heels and dashing out. It was drizzling earlier, but now the sky had opened wide, and the storm unleashed. Kokoa ran through the pouring rain. She ran back through the packed streets until the Uchiha compound came into view; the front gates lined in yellow tape. Her mouth turned dry. It was hard to swallow. She crawled inside. No one in sight. There was only one place. Stepping inside the home, she followed the trail of water droplets on the wooden floors. On his hands and knees, Sasuke sobbed over the chalk outlines of his parents's bodies. Gently walking over, Kokoa dropped to the floor, pulling him into an embrace. Burying his face in her shoulder, he cried hysterically, gasping, trembling. Kokoa, on the other hand, sat there silently, her eyes dry, with no idea what to feel.

 

Sasuke sat on the couch, staring at nothing in particular. Tears trickled down his face. Kokoa glanced over before turning back to the fridge. He hadn't said much. She didn't expect him to.

"Are you hungry, Sasuke?" she inquired. No reply. Sighing, she walked a plate over, setting it on the table before him.

"Some onigiri. It isn't much, but it should do until I get some things," she explained, watching him for some reaction. Nothing. His gaze didn't even shift. She whipped around, facing the ANBU member.

"Kuroki Kokoa."

"What?"

"For you." He handed her a scroll. Taking it, she read the label.

"What is it –" She looked up to find he was gone. Peeling it open, she read the message.

"Sasuke, we have to go to Hokage-sama's office," she sighed. "I'll try to make it quick, whatever it is they want. I know you're tired. We don't really have a choice." She shrugged. Without argument, he slipped on his shoes and followed.

  
Without considering Sasuke's emotional and mental state, they questioned him, milked him dry of any answers he had. Kokoa was furious and irritated, so much that she couldn't be in the same room. Now she and Sasuke stood before the Third Hokage.

"I am sorry for your loss, Sasuke," he expressed, sadly eyeing the boy. He moved closer to Kokoa, resting his head against her side.

"I will let you go, but there's one last thing. I need to speak with you, Kokoa."

"You do?"

"It's very important. I would also prefer if you were alone," he explained. She glanced down at Sasuke.

"I'll take care of him," Kakashi offered, walking in.

"Kakashi-san?"

"Would it be alright?"

"I guess, but aren't you busy?" she asked.

"I turned in a mission report not too long ago, meaning I have some time off. I'll take Sasuke out for a snack. How does that sound? Some ice cream?"

"You can go with Kakashi-san, Sasuke. I won't be long."

"I'll bring him back to your place later on."

"Arigato, Kakashi." She smiled weakly. He led the boy out, leaving her alone with the hokage and two ANBU.

"A little cruel to interrogate him so soon, don't you think, Hokage-sama?" she said.

"It was a terrible event. We needed all the information we could get. He was the only witness," he replied. She fell silent.

"Kokoa, I need to ask you something."  
"Yes?"

"You associated with Uchiha Itachi. You were close."

"Hai."

"What happened was dreadful, something that will go down in Konoha's history." He went on.

"Did he say anything to you?"

"Hu?" She looked up.

"Did Itachi mention anything about…about it?"

"No," she replied.

"He didn't hint? Was he acting strange?"

"Nothing. He was upset because of Uchiha Shisui's death, but that was normal behavior."

"Funny you mention Shisui's death…" He trailed off. She narrowed her eyes. "It's just that you two were close."

"What are you implying, Hokage-sama?"

"A great number of people knew about your relationship with him. It was quite obvious."

"So? Two young kids. We went on dango dates and – and long walks." She shrugged. "What are you getting at?"

"Everyone knew Uchiha Itachi was the only person you associated with. If you weren't at home alone, you were with him, watching him, training with him. He was everything to you, meaning you two shared secrets and information. You trusted each other. He confided in you. What do you know about the massacre of the Uchiha clan?" one of the ANBU barked, shocking her. Sarutobi raised a hand, telling him to stand down. She clenched her fists.

"You think I had something to do with this? You think I was involved? That – that I knew? Do you honestly think I would take Sasuke's parents away from him? Do you think I could cut down innocent people! Do you think I would turn against the village!?"

"For Itachi, yes." He stated.

"I didn't know. I don't know anything. Yes, we were seeing each other, but there was never anything that made me believe he would do this. He loved his family, he loved Konoha. He wouldn't cut down his own flesh and blood. For what reason!? What would he gain!?" she shouted. Sarutobi glanced away.

"I don't know what's going on. I don't know. All I know is that the Uchiha are gone, Sasuke is all alone, and Itachi is missing."

"Funny he's missing. You wouldn't happen to know where he is?" the ANBU commented.

"Go ahead, pick on me. I'm used to it. I already lost everything once. I should be used to it by now." She spat, turning to leave.

"Bitter because he's left you behind?"

"Go to hell."

"Enough. Both of you," Sarutobi interjected.

"Sasuke…?" she whispered.

"Hm?"

"What of Sasuke?"

"He's the only survivor."

"He has no one, nowhere to go. I'd like to take him in." She faced them.

"That's a big responsibility."

"He and I are already close. I doubt he'd want to be with anyone else. Besides, he and I promised Itachi if anything ever happened to him, that we'd be there for each other. Sasuke will stay with me." With a bow, she left, shutting the door behind her.

"I don't know how much she knows. I don't know what Itachi might have told her. Because of that, I want you to keep an eye on her." Shimura Danzo appeared from the shadows, gaining the attention of both ANBU and the Hokage.

"For now, monitor her behavior, where she goes, who she associates with. If she does in fact know anything, we can't have her spreading information like that around. If she was involved with Itachi, we'll have to put an end to that."

"Understood."

"Hai."

"…Ah…" Sarutobi turned away.

 

"Thank you for taking him out," Kokoa expressed.

"It was nothing. He's a good kid." Kakashi smiled. Sasuke headed for the bathroom.

"They suspect me," she whispered. "They think I had something to do with it."

"Did you?"

"Of course not. Do you think I'm capable of doing that?"

"It's not like you."

"Exactly. I haven't done anything ever to make them think I'd be involved." She rubbed her face.

"It's not what you have or haven't done, Kokoa. It's your relationship with Itachi. He wiped out the clan and then disappeared."

"Is there proof that it was him?" She crossed her arms. He blinked in surprise.

"Kokoa –"

"No, I'm serious. Is there proof?" she repeated. He sighed, figuring she hadn't talked to Sasuke about it yet.

"What do you mean my relationship? That’s all everyone is saying," she spat.

"You were committed to him. It was obvious. After all, you did recently tell me that you'd stay by his side…follow him to whatever end," he stated. Her eyes widened.

"I wouldn't kill his family, and neither would he."

"You should really talk to Sasuke."

"Don't tell me what to do. Everyone is telling me what to do and say, like I'm the bad guy!"  
"The bad guy is Itachi."

"I love him!" she gasped. Kakashi gave her a look. "I love him more than anything, but I never got the chance to tell him. Don't you think if I knew where he was that I'd try reaching him? That I'd do something instead of standing here letting everyone push me around! I want to understand what happened. I need to know, but I don't. I don't know. All I know is that the man I love is gone, and he's accused of killing his family."

"…You need to talk to Sasuke." With that, Kakashi left.

  
She sat alone in the dim light, fingering the pendant around her neck. She looked over when Sasuke quietly stepped into the room, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey," she smiled. "I made myself some tea. Do you want any?" she inquired. He nodded no.

"You know, you're going to have to eat eventually."

"I did with Kakashi-san."

"Ice-cream doesn't count. I guess I wasn't helping the issue, considering I barely have any food. I'll get stuff tomorrow. We can go shopping, get some air," she explained. He hopped up beside her.

"I can't sleep, Kokoa," he sighed. "Nightmares. Images. I'm afraid."

"It's alright to be afraid."

"When I close my eyes…I see it. I see them, I see him. They won't go away." He held his head.

"You don't have to talk about it, Sasuke."

"But it's so scary, and I'm so tired. I can't take it…" he whimpered, confused as to why she didn't want to discuss the matter.

"I'm here. You're safe. I won't let anything happen, ok? So try to get some sleep."

"Will you stay?"

"I won't leave the couch…unless I need the bathroom." She cracked a small smile. He nodded, getting comfortable. Reaching over, she snatched the folded blanket and laid it over him before taking her previous position; sitting in the dim light fingering the Uchiha crest around her neck.

  
Surprisingly, Sasuke wanted to return to class at the academy the next day. Unsure if he was ready, Kokoa gave in, thinking it would distract him. With Sasuke in school that meant she had to go grocery shopping alone, and oh what an adventure it turned out to be. There were some people who always looked down on her for no apparent reason. Others, who weren't too fond of the Uchiha, didn't like the fact she was so close with them. And the majority watched her with suspicious eyes, wondering what role the girlfriend of Uchiha Itachi played in all of this. Every now and then she'd turn around, feeling she was being watched. The sad truth was that she in fact was being watched, by ANBU, other shinobi, and ordinary citizens.

"Why is everyone looking at me like I'm the bad guy? What did I do?" she whined to herself, pulling at her hair. She was trapped, suffocating.

_"…You need to talk to Sasuke."_

Kakashi's words echoed.

"Am I missing something?" Deciding it'd be best to confront Sasuke and hear his side, she started putting away the groceries, waiting until he came home.

  
"Did you like it?" she questioned. "I forgot to ask you what you wanted for dinner, so I guessed. Next time I'll make your favorite."

"It was good, Kokoa. Arigato." Sasuke nodded.

"How was school? Did they…you know say anything? Treat you differently?"

"Some looks…others talked to each other. Nothing direct. There isn't much to say other than sorry." He shrugged.

"I've been getting looks…" she sighed.

"It makes sense."

"Huh?"

"Even I'm confused, Kokoa."

"What do you mean? People are treating me like I did it or something."

"You're defending him."

"But…they just assume he did it. He didn't –"

"Kokoa…" He flashed a confused look. "Don't you know?"

"Know what? I don't know. Am I missing something? People keep asking the same things, and I'm just so overwhelmed. I don't get I," she explained.

"You've been avoiding me. We haven't talked."

"I didn't want you to feel like you had to…maybe I wasn't ready either."

"What do you think happened anyways?" he asked.

"I know your clan was murdered and you're the only one. I know Itachi is missing. I know they think it was him, and I know people think I'm involved because we were seeing each other. Is there any evidence? Any motive? I mean people are just talking –"

"Kokoa…I walked in and found him standing over the dead bodies of my mother and father."

"Wha…" She went blank.

"Right before he launched a shuriken at me. Right before he used the mangekyo sharingan and forced me to watch him strike down everyone! When I asked him why, he said to measure his capacity! To test his abilities, that it was necessary! He cornered me in the street telling me I wasn't worth killing! He admitted to killing Shisui in order to activate the mangekyo! He said he pretended to be the brother I wanted to test me! That he would let me live so I would face him when I was stronger, for his sake! That if I want to kill him, to despise him, hate him and live in an unsightly way! To run and cling to my miserable life and face him when I have the same eyes!

He took everything from me! He killed everyone! They're all gone! I'll never get them back! He killed everyone to test his abilities! What does that even mean!? Itachi murdered my family! He ruined everything! Left me all alone! I hate him! I hate him, I hate him. I. Hate. Him." He turned his face, sobbing into his hands. Quietly, she rose to her feet and headed down the hall to her room, shutting the door.

  
Standing erect, arms at his sides, head held high marking his power and status, the rinnegan gazed out at the sight before them.

"Our new member has now arrived," Pein announced. The others look on. Step, by step, Itachi appeared in the entranceway, head down. Reluctant at first, he bit his lip before slowly lifting his gaze, greeting his fellow S-rank rogue shinobi with the sharingan's wrath.

"Uchiha Itachi," Orochimaru marveled, eyeing the boy. Itachi studied each of the members before him, not saying a word. Sasori, Kisame, Orochimaru, and Pein himself. They would be his partners. This would be his home. It took everything in him to drag himself here, and he would soon find out that forgetting his precious little brother and the girl he swore to always protect would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do. 

 


	20. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #20

Sasuke wasn't so sure how Kokoa was supposed to feel. It was easy for him to hate Itachi. He took everything from him and tormented the child. Using the mangekyo, he forced his little brother to witness the Uchiha massacre. Sasuke had made up his mind. His heart was partially dyed black. He would do whatever it took to gain power, enough to destroy Itachi and avenge his clan. He glanced over at Kokoa who stood in the kitchen making a snack.

'She really liked Itachi. I thought they would get married. She did everything for him,' he thought, his face softening. 'But he killed everyone and disappeared without saying anything to her. If he cared he would have talked to her. If he cared he wouldn't have done it. She couldn't possibly still like him. He threw her away.'

"Smells good," he smiled, trotting over to her.

"I made some extra, for you." She handed him a plate of the dorayaki.

"Arigato." He took one of the filled pancakes.

"Mm," she smiled. He responded with a smile of his own. "I have to go buy some things. You can come if you'd like, or you could stay. It's up to you."

"I have some homework actually. I'll have it done by the time you come back!"

"Sounds good, sounds good." She headed for her room to get dressed. Kokoa made sure to remove anything that would remind Sasuke of his brother. She really only had the photograph of she and Itachi. Now it sat on the table beside her bed. Slipping on a light jacket and her shoes, she was off.

 

Sasuke watched Kokoa over the next two weeks. At first, after learning the truth, she didn't say much. He expected her to be sad. That was normal. She started smiling more not too long after, and never mentioned the incident. He figured she did it for his sake. That was normal. Then things started to change - or - well they didn't change, and he noticed. She developed a routine. She would pack his lunch for school, cook dinner and snacks, fix up the house, and go to the shops. It became a daily thing, and while the cooking and cleaning made sense, the disappearing in town didn't. She hadn't been on any missions. There were also a few cases where he found her sitting alone in the living room in the dark, staring at nothing. She would sit there stiff and motionless like a statue, like a corpse.

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered why she didn't...react much. He cried hysterically for days. He still did, sometimes in the night into his pillow so she wouldn't hear. Granted, Kokoa wasn't an Uchiha, and she only knew a few of them, but they were killed, and Sasuke was alone, and the boy she liked so much left without a word. It was...strange. She didn't cry or complain. She didn't worry, and that too was strange because Kokoa always worried. She didn't react at all, and he came to realize this with each passing day. She had depersonalized it, she was numb, or so he thought, that is, until Kakashi decided to stop by one day.

The house was quiet with Sasuke at the academy. Kokoa sat in her room fiddling with the chain around her neck. Her eyes snapped to the window as she quickly stuffed it beneath her shirt.

"Kakashi-san?" she said softly, facing him.

"Yo." He waved, crouching on the sill. "Long time no see."

"It has been some time," she agreed.

"How have you been?"

"Busy cleaning and cooking a lot more now that Sasuke is here."

"Ah. How is he?"

"He's how you'd expect him to be." She shrugged.

"And...how are you?" He looked at her. She said nothing. "You've been out of action for a while. It's understandable, but coming back would be good for you. Get out more," he smiled. Sasuke stepped through the front door, home a bit earlier than expected.

"Ko -" He fell silent, hearing someone else in the house. Tiptoeing down the hall, he made out Kakashi and Kokoa through the small opening of the door.

"You're not going to say anything?" Kakashi inquired.

"How can I get back in action when the Hokage hasn't called for me? How can I get out more when people stare at me everywhere I go?" she snapped. He blinked in surprise.

"Hokage-sama is probably just worried about your mental state. That's why he hasn't summoned you. And I thought you didn't care what others thought?"

"He hasn't summoned me or assigned me anything because he and his ANBU dogs think I had something to do with the massacre. To this day, they think I knew of Itachi's plans or that I know where he is, but I don't," she spat. "And yeah, I like to think that I don't care what others think, but when all you get are glares and worried glances from people, when all you hear are smart remarks, accusations, and whispers, it's hard to ignore.

My life has become chaotic, and I have been trying to keep it under control all while fighting with everything in me to stay strong for Sasuke. I'm his foundation right now. If I break, he'll fall through the cracks, and I cannot let that happen."

"You shouldn't bear it all on your own."

"What other choice is there, Kakashi? Everyone thinks I plotted with him! You're the only one who believes me. I don't have anyone. I never did! Itachi was supposed to be my support. He was the one I would go to, but I can't! Never again!" She cracked and he noticed.

"Kokoa -"

"I am suffocating. You have no idea. Suffocating, drowning, I'm cornered! Do you know what it's like to be watched by everyone like you're in some bubble or jar? To have everyone constantly whispering and forming opinions about you? Well I do. People talk like they know me or Itachi, but they don't," she hissed. He narrowed his eyes, curious. She still spoke of Itachi as if he were innocent; like she still wanted proof it was him even though he had confessed to Sasuke.

"You're still in denial," he commented. She paused, giving him a sideways glance.

"Nani?"

"Kokoa, you're still in denial."

"What am I denying?"

"That Itachi murdered everyone." That struck a nerve. She swallowed hard.

"I am not."

"You speak of him as if he was taken away from you, like he's a victim. Kokoa, he massacred his clan and fled the village. He's a wanted shinobi, dead or alive, yet you act like you still need some form of proof even though Sasuke was there and told you everything."

"You don't get it."

"What's to get?"

"You don't understand, Kakashi, you don't -"

"Then help me to -"

"Why! Why take a sudden interest in me? Has the Hokage instructed you to spy on me? I wouldn't be surprised, using his top jonin to see if he can milk any answers out of me!" she shouted.

"All I'm trying to do is get you to talk. You've been so distant and isolated that it's scary, and it isn't good for you or Sasuke. Tell me what you're feeling Kokoa, that's all I'm trying to do -"

"I'm angry because they think I had something to do it! No matter what I say or how many times I say it, they won't believe me! I'm tired of people's eyes following me wherever I go! I'm tired of the rumors! I'm terrified because it seems that for the rest of my life I'm going to be known as the girlfriend who might have been involved with Uchiha Itachi's killing of the Uchiha clan! And I'm so conflicted because I should hate him for what he did. I should hate him for leaving without any hints. I should hate him for Sasuke's sake, but deep down in my heart, there's a part of me telling me it's not what it seems, and that there might be more to his story, and oh how it gnaws at me Kakashi, in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and end up on the couch in the dark. How it sits in the back of mind, gnawing at my soul, tormenting me, forcing this heavy guilt on my shoulders!

Everyone is so quick to accept he did it, but I so badly want to believe in his innocence!" With a wave of her arm, she knocked the picture frame to the floor. The sound of shattered glass brought her out of her episode. She faced Kakashi with wide eyes. Without saying anything, he climbed out of the window, leaving her in what he still considered denial. She dropped to her knees, pulling the photograph from the shards. Holding it close to her face, she broke out in gasps, sobs, tears, and eventually quiet, painful moans. Deciding to give her and her guilt and misery privacy, Sasuke quietly made his way to the other part of the house, stunned to have seen her cry for the very first time.

 

Now a part of Akatsuki, Itachi figured he'd deal with other shinobi and nations coming for his head, but he didn't intend on dealing with problems from within the organization. He had almost forgotten how Orochimaru desired power, a certain power; the sharingan. He would have to keep his guard up, an eye out.

"Ne, so this is where you end up after taking out your clan," the sannin commented, approaching the boy who sat off to the side and out of the way. Itachi said nothing.

"For accomplishing your goal and getting away so easily, you don't seem too pleased."

"Is there something you need, Orochimaru-san?" he replied, voice like ice.

"Well, yes, but I don't suppose you'll give it up so easily," he hissed.

"I don't suppose I will either," he replied, rotating the ring around his finger.

"Hn, so arrogant. Don't let your power blind you, Uchiha Itachi. This isn't Konoha, a place for games. Know your place before you have to learn it the difficult way." With that, Orochimaru slithered off.

"Tsk..." He sighed deeply, still playing with the ring. He paused when the side with text came to view. Heiwa. Peace. Kokoa. Sasuke. Blinking a few times, he glanced around, finding himself alone. Alone. Loneliness was something he would have to get used to.

 

 

"So she thinks there's more to it? That Itachi had some other reason for cutting down his own flesh and blood? Other than his own selfish one?" Danzo raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir," a Root shinobi replied.

"How foolish of her, trying to hang on to any shred of hope, trying to convince herself that what happened didn't really happen...anything else?"

"No, sir. She has stuck to a routine up until recently. She would go to town and spend the rest of the day at home, but she hasn't even left the house as of late."

"Well that's not very healthy, is it," he commented. "What does she do?"

"Aside from prepare food and care for Uchiha Sasuke, she sleeps or sits alone. She has sat down to write a few times, but as I mentioned, she's barely done anything lately."

"I see."

"Do you still have reason to suspect her, Sir?"

"Of course. If her believing in his innocence isn't suspicious enough, there's still the fact that Itachi is missing. With no body or details on his activity, he could be up to anything right now. If she knows...honestly, Sasuke told her everything and she's still trying to find some way to alleviate the blame from Itachi."

"You make valid points, Danzo-sama, but perhaps it's still the denial."

"There's only so much she can deny when Sasuke, the boy living with her, told her everything he witnessed."

"There's also the fact she was emotionally involved with Uchiha Itachi."

"What do you mean?"

"She loved him, Danzo-sama. It's obvious. Emotions...are not my field, but if she treasured him, perhaps those feelings are what keep giving her these ideas or false hope, if I'm making sense."

"She's a shinobi. She shouldn't have emotions in the first place. She'll soon learn what a burden they are. Over time she will harden, and she will come to realize how foolish she was, that is, unless we have her in custody for involvement. That's all for today's report. Good work. Don't let up. You are dismissed."

"Hai." He was gone. Danzo curled his lip.

"Kuroki Kokoa…why can't you let Itachi go? He ended the clan. That's all you need to know. I don't need you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong…You're proving to be a burden just like your father was."

 

Tired of Orochimaru's hungry gaze, Itachi headed for the exit, in need of some alone time.

"Just where do you think you're going, hm?" Kisame planted Samehada, blocking his path.

"A walk. I need some air," he replied.

"At this hour. Isn't it too late?" He raised an eyebrow. Itachi said nothing.

"Well then," He withdrew his weapon. "I'd be careful out there. Who know what could be waiting for you in the dark," he cooed before walking off with a smirk. Marching outside, a cold wind violently whipped his hair. Without a specific destination in mind, he wandered near the base. Itachi came to a stop, resting a hand against the tree. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, focusing on the texture of the bark. He gazed up at the moon with half-lidded eyes. This was it. This was how it had to be, and he would continue to tell himself those very words until he believed them, until they were infused in his mind, until they became reality.

 

"K - Kokoa! Kokoa! What are you doing!?"

"I'm sorry Sasuke, but I have to do this!" she cried, dragging him down the hall.

"What? What do you have to do!?"

"Go. I have to go." She shoved him into the closet, standing in the doorway. He stumbled in, hitting the hard floor.

"Where! What are you doing? Kokoa-chan, please, I'm scared!" he pleaded.

"I can't take it Sasuke! I can't take it! I can't live like this! I'm going to find Itachi."

"Itachi? You can't - Kokoa! -" She shut the door, locking it from the outside.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm so sorry, but I have to. I have to. You're strong. You'll get yourself out of there, but for now, I need you to stay put. Burn the house down if you have to, but I need to go now. I need to find Itachi."

 


	21. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #21

"K - Kokoa! Kokoa! What are you doing!?"

"I'm sorry Sasuke, but I have to do this!" she cried, dragging him down the hall.

"What? What do you have to do!?"

"Go. I have to go." She shoved him into the closet, standing in the doorway. He stumbled in, hitting the hard floor.

"Where! What are you doing? Kokoa-chan, please, I'm scared!" he pleaded.

"I can't take it Sasuke! I can't take it! I can't live like this! I'm going to find Itachi."

"Itachi? You can't - Kokoa! -" She shut the door, locking it from the outside.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm so sorry, but I have to. I have to. You're strong. You'll get yourself out of there, but for now, I need you to stay put. Burn the house down if you have to, but I need to go now. I need to find Itachi."

"Kokoa!" he wailed, banging his fists against the door. She was already out the door, sprinting through the deserted streets of Konoha. Not a person in sight. She had sat around doing nothing for too long. She needed answers from Itachi himself, and she would get them.

Soon enough, she managed to get through the main gates of the village, not once looking back. She had no clue as to where he could be, but it didn't seem to matter. She had a feeling in her gut, and let her legs carry her wherever they wanted, the crisp, night wind biting her face along the way. She ran for who knows how long. Her legs trembled, vision blurred, lungs ached. She wasn't sure she would last, until...he stood leaning against a tree. Her eyes widened, and any fatigue she felt was now gone.

"I-Itachi? Yes. Yes, yes. Itachi!" she called out. Glancing over his shoulder, he turned away and started walking.

"Wait! Itachi!" She chased after him. "Please! I just want to talk!" She gasped, using every ounce of her power to keep up.

"I just want to hear your side. Please! It's me. It's Kokoa!" One step, two steps, three steps...she was close, so close. All she had to do was stop him, get him to face her.

"Please." She threw out her hand. Using what strength she had left, she sent a boost of chakra to her feet, putting a spring to her step. She leapt forward.

"Itachi..." Her fingers brushed the tip of his low ponytail -

  
  
Kokoa jolted up in bed, breathing heavily, eyes wide. A light sheet of sweat clung to her body. She gazed down at her finger tips, horrified at how real his hair had felt. Realizing it was all a dream, her deep breaths became short gasps as tears flooded her eyes. She curled up under her sheets, sobbing silently into the pillow.

  
  
Some time had passed. Nothing had changed. Everyday Kokoa hoped for a sign, some letter, anything that would link her to Itachi, but no such thing ever came. She barely left the house, and when she did, it was quick. She had built a wall between herself and the others. They only saw her as Itachi's possible partner, his "defender," so she hid herself from everyone. She also built herself back up for Sasuke, making sure he never again saw her cry. She wouldn't allow herself to cry in front of the child for the man who took everything from him. She thought it was selfish, too cruel, she was careful to not show much emotion about the subject in front of Sasuke. He was doing well, or as well as someone in his situation could. The academy kept him busy, and he had Kokoa whenever he wasn't feeling up to it, up to life.

"Ne, Kokoa-chan?" He peered over at the girl sprawled across the couch.

"Hm?" she replied, twirling strands of her hair.

"You used to lecture me about not eating in the past, but I think our roles have switched. When was the last time you had a good meal?"

"I don't know."

"It's not good for you. You're a ninja. You need your strength."

"I'm not starving myself on purpose, Sasuke. I'm just...I'm not in the mood to set tables and make messes. I don't feel like eating," she sighed.

"Are you dizzy? You don't have to eat much. I just don't want you passing out. I can't carry you, you know," he grinned.

"I'm alright. I promise." She yawned. He thought for a moment.

"Hey?"

"Hm?"

"We haven't practiced ever since it happened."

"Practice?"

"You were training me, remember? Kokoa-sensei. We should go outside. It'll be good," he suggested. She sighed.

"I'm still the top of my class in school. I already got everything down. You can still teach me things no one else knows. I can be so much better, stronger," he urged, careful not to reveal too much. While Kokoa knew he resented Itachi, she had no clue Sasuke's goal had become to gain power to destroy his brother. While others would understand where he came from, Sasuke didn't have it in his heart to tell Kokoa he aimed to kill to boy she cared so much for, even if he could never understand why she still had feelings for him.

"Let's get some air."

"Alright." She gave in, not wanting to bear the guilt of denying him. "Let me just get some of my things together."

 

"So...where did I leave off?" she inquired, scratching her head.

"I dunno. It was ages ago. Something about chakra control." Sasuke shrugged.

"Sasuke...everything is about chakra control. If you can't control it, you'll fall out of trees and sink in lakes."

"Alright, alright. It's harder than it sounds."

"Oh, it's pretty difficult, but you'll get it. If anyone can, it's you," she commented.

"Yosh!"

"How's your aim? Shuriken, kunai?"

"That's what we've been doing in school. I got the hang of it. We've been sparring too."

"Sparring? Hmm, we could do some good old fashioned tai-jutsu. It is my specialty after all."

"Y-your specialty?" He swallowed, a bit intimidated.

"Oh yeah. Even Gai-san had a few nice things to say about me."

"Eh..."

"I won't hurt you...much," she grinned.

"Like you can," he stated.

"Ho, ho, so arrogant. Bring it on. Three, two, one, come!" He charged. She of course went easy on him, but not too much. He needed the challenge to grow.

"Never let your guard down. Always try to read the enemy, see if they have any patterns or ticks in their movement. That way you can start to predict where or how they'll attack. You'll be amazing at that once you hone your sharingan."

"Right! Focus. Guard up."

"You also want to attack, not just be the defense. It's about balance, knowing when to strike, when to block, and when to retreat. Of course I can't teach you all of that. A lot of these things you learn through experience from actual missions. You develop them as you grow, but it's good to always have them in mind."

"Gotcha!" He nodded aggressively, taking in as much as he could. He loved these new tips, and he loved seeing bits of the old Kokoa, the friendly girl who teased her friends. He missed her.

"Hello, Sasuke." They paused, turning to see Iruka with another shinobi not much older than Kokoa.

"Iruka-sensei," he smiled.

"Kokoa," the teacher smiled.

"Iruka," she replied with a slight nod. "And sensei?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't you hear? I'm working to teach at the academy. I'll have my own class in a bit."

"I didn't know. I haven't...been out much. Congratulations."

"Arigato. What are you up to?" he asked Sasuke.

"Training. Kokoa's been training me on the side for some time, but we hadn't done it in a while. We're finally back."

"Is that so? You're already top of your class, Sasuke. What's next, hokage?"

"Why not? Although, I don't think I'd like the paper work," he laughed.

"Well you can have someone else take care of that for you."

"Hn, Naruto."

"Oh boy," Iruka chuckled. "Oh, I'm sorry. Sasuke you know Ryuuji. He's helped me out a few times. Kokoa this is Yamamoto Ryuuji."

"Oh. Hello," she responded.

"This is Kuroki Kokoa," he told his friend.

"I've heard of you," Ryuuji commented, tucking indigo hair behind his right ear.

"Oh..." Her eyes darkened, wondering what rumor he believed.

"It's nice to meet you." He smiled. She furrowed her brow, not expecting the kindness.

"Eh - likewise, likewise."

"So your own personal sensei." He glanced at Sasuke before turning back to Kokoa.

"You're what, a...?"

"Jonin, although, it's been a while since my last mission. Things are...complicated."

"I can imagine." He shrugged. "Still, a jonin is a jonin, and I've heard some good things about you in the past. You're young. To have reached that level so early, your tai-jutsu must be something special."

"I...I guess." She scratched her forehead.

"I'll have to see for myself one day," he smiled. She nodded twice before,

"Oh, Iruka, have you seen Kakashi-san lately?" she questioned, turning to him.

"I see him from time to time. Why?"

"It's been a while since I've seen him. I...I wasn't exactly the most pleasant person the last time we met. I just wanted to fix things is all."

"If I see him again, I'll let him know you're looking for him."

"Arigato, Iruka."

"Well we should be on our way. Keep working hard, Sasuke."

"You bet!"

"Sayonara," he smiled.

"Sayonara, Kokoa," Ryuuji added, before following Iruka. She waved tiredly.

"Alright, let's finish!" Sasuke cheered.

"How about you do some chakra stuff now while I sit and watch," she said.

"Kokoa -"

"No whining. Come on. You're going to have to learn it eventually."

"Tsk, fine. I just hope when I get assigned a team that my sensei isn't as lazy as you."

"Well you better wish hard," she smirked, plopping down. Resting her head in the grass, she gazed up at the sky. She didn't have much of a chance to enjoy the clouds as a certain nightmare tugged at the corners of her mind.

 

"You know, when you aren't avoiding that creepy Orochimaru, you sit in your room playing with that ring around you finger," Kisame sighed, leaning in the door way.

"This is Akatsuki. It should be more entertaining, don't you think, Itachi-san?" He let Samehada rest on the wall beside him. Itachi glanced over at him, not saying anything.

"What is that ring anyway? It must be special if it affects someone as coldblooded as yourself, no?"

"It was a gift from a friend...a long time ago," he replied.

"A ring as a gift? Ho, was it a lady friend?" He raised an eyebrow. "Did you kill her too?"

"She wasn't an Uchiha, and so I would have gained nothing from killing her. She wasn't worth it. She doesn't mean anything anymore," he lied. "It's just that it reminds me where I came from. Even if I left everything behind, you still shouldn't forget where you started out."

"Well, whatever makes you happy," Kisame smirked. "There's a meeting in a few. Our leader must have missed us or something." Grabbing his weapon, he was off. Slipping the ring off his finger, Itachi held it tightly in his hand as if trying to connect or feel Kokoa. Anything. Nothing. He threw his head back with a frustrated sigh and decided to head out rather than be late.

  
  
"Sasuke, you're late," Kokoa stated, stepping out the front door.

"Oh, sorry, Kokoa-chan."

"You can hang out with the other kids. I'd just like to know before hand is all."

"Well I didn't know I'd be late. I ran into Ryuuji," he explained. She blinked, surprised to see the other shinobi.

"Hi." He smiled with a wave.

"Hi..." she replied, wondering what the hell he was always so happy about. Shaking her head with a sigh,

"Well, do what you want. Just don't come home too late. I'm not setting dinner twice."

"Hai, hai."

"Why don't you join us?" Ryuuji offered. Again, she blinked in surprise. "I saw Sasuke practicing at the academy, and I was so impressed, I offered to buy him a snack. Join us for some dango." He smiled. Her eyes darkened. Turning her back,

"I hate dango." The door clicked shut.

  
  
"You should have come, Kokoa," Sasuke said between bites. "It was delicious."

"It's all right. Glad you had some fun."

"Mhm! Since when do you hate dango?"

"I never liked it."

"Yeah you did. You always used to get it."

"You're imagining things, Sasuke."

"Kokoa, you love dango. You used to always..." He fell silent, noticing her slight trembling. She made it a law to not cry in front of him. She couldn't. She wouldn't.

"You're right," she choked. "I did eat it a lot in the past. I must have confused my desserts."

"Kokoa..."

"Hm?" She forced a smile.

"...The food...it's good."

"I was hoping you'd like it." She regained her composure. He noticed something catch the light.

"You still wear that?" He pointed at the necklace that slipped from beneath her shirt.

"What -" She glanced down. "Oh..." Tucking it back under, she looked up to meet his cold gaze.

"Why?"

"I..."

"It's from him. Why would you still wear it? Why would you even keep it?"

"It was a gift, the Uchiha crest -"

"I know what it is, Kokoa."

"It's all I have -"

"All you have? Kokoa, he took everything from us. You really think a silly necklace will make it better? He abandoned both of us after killing everyone, and you're holding onto some stupid piece of jewelry he gave you after lying to you, saying he liked you?" He slammed a fist on the table. She clutched the necklace beneath her shirt.

Kokoa didn't tell him it was once his mother's. To be honest, the house and everything in it was left after the incident. If Sasuke wanted something of his parents to keep, he could have easily done so. This necklace was a gift from Mikoto to Itachi, to give to Kokoa. It represented their feelings for each other, and that even though she wasn't an Uchiha, he still wanted her by his side. Now he was gone, and didn't care enough to take Kokoa with him. That necklace was her illusion; that he did care, and that no matter what he may have done, he couldn't have faked the emotions of that moment, and any moment between the two. Everyone insisted on throwing the fact that he turned his back on her in her face, but no matter how hard she tried, she could never turn her back on him.

  
  
"So I am sorry for being so..." Kokoa paused to think of the right word.

"I understand, Kokoa. You didn't do anything wrong. You've just been a little emotional, which I understand," Kakashi replied.

"Believe me, I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it, Kakashi-san. It eats away at me. Sometimes it's not even about what he did. It's the fact that he's gone. Have you ever lost someone you loved, Kakashi-san? Do you know the pain of losing the people closest to you? I know I'm young, but in my heart I know that Itachi is the only boy I'll ever have feelings like this for. So I lost the love of my life, and I lost my best friend. Can you understand any of my pain, just a little? To lose someone and not be able to do anything about it?"

He gazed off to the side. His father. Obito. Rin. Minato.

"I do, Kokoa. But it's easier for me because none of my important people did what Itachi did."

"I should hate him, I know. I should despise him for my sake and for Sasuke's, but I can't. Not until I see him. Not until I hear it from his own mouth. You've heard this story before. Nothing's changed. I still love him, and I have to live my life being judged for it all while trying to hide my feelings from Sasuke. I've been failing miserably by the way." She shrugged. "He's young, but he's smart. He picks up on things, and...then he gets angry, and I feel like I've let him down, and in a way I have because I'm crying for the man who ruined his life." She tugged at her hair.

"If your emotions are the root of your problem, perhaps it's time to embrace what a true shinobi is: a tool, a weapon to be used. If your heart can't handle the pain, if you're hurting so much, maybe hardening yourself is the answer. Put it all behind you. Walk away and kill your emotions, Kokoa. It is what we have to do anyway."

"Still...I'm human."

"If you think you'll never be able to completely erase those feelings, fine, but bury them deep inside, so deep that they'll never surface. Take control."

"I...I'm tired, Kakashi. I'm so very tired."

 


	22. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #22

She inched down the street, juggling several bags of food and supplies. It had been a while since her last shopping trip, so Kokoa found herself buying everything at once. Even a kage would have trouble carrying all that she bought. Thud! She fell to the ground, bags along with her.

"I'm so sorry!" a voice cried. "Kokoa? Oh man, I'm sorry!"

"It's alright, it's alright," she mumbled, rising to her feet. Dusting herself off, she glanced at the boy.

"You're that Ryuuji kid, right?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "Oh – here." He dropped to his knees, stuffing everything back into the bags.

"Thanks," she sighed.

"You sure bought a lot," he chuckled, facing her.

"Yeah. It's been a while." She shrugged, scrutinizing him.

 _'This kid has been everywhere lately. Outside my house with Iruka, with Sasuke, and now here. He better not be one of the Hokage's dogs.'_ She stiffened.

"Any missions?" she asked casually.

"Not recently. You see, I've been helping Iruka-san. I'm thinking of following the same career path, training and teaching instead of missions, you know. I still get assigned some though, from time to time," he explained.

"Are you and Hokage-sama close?"

"I don't have a problem with him, but we aren't best friends. Why ask?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just…you seem to know a lot about me, but I know nothing about you. Curious is all." She avoided his eyes.

_'Maybe he's not watching me. Still…'_

"Well, I should head home," she stated, gathering her things.

"Here, I'll help."

"Oh, you don't have to. I'll be alright."

"You didn't look all right a minute go. It's nothing, really," he pushed.

"Fine, fine." She gave in. He happily grabbed half of the items and followed her.

 

"Nice place you have. Small and cozy," he commented, setting the bags in the kitchen.

"Yeah. Could be a problem once Sasuke gets older though. Space and all." She shrugged.

"So you plan to continue living with him?"

"Yeah. I've known him for a long time, and after all that's happened, I think it'd be good if we stayed together."

"I see. Itachi really did some damage, didn't he…" Ryuuji stated, admiring the little trinkets on the shelf. Kokoa fell silent.

"It's a shame such a talented guy threw it all away just like that. And to abandon his little brother…and you. Maybe you two are better off without him. You're too good for him," he continued. She tilted her head, eyes narrowed, ready to go off. Luckily, Sasuke stepped through the front door.

"Ryuuji?" he smiled.

"Hey, Sasuke."

"What are you doing here?"

"I helped Kokoa carry some things back home is all. I should actually head out though. I have some things I need to take care of."

"Ok. I'll see you around."

"Of course. Bye, Kokoa. Nice seeing you again." He smiled with a wave before leaving. Sasuke watched him walk out.

"You ok?" He turned to Kokoa.

"Yeah." She managed a smile. "Fine. Just tired from being out all day."

"You're getting lazy."

"Lies."

"I'm serious. All you do is sleep and eat," he teased.

"That's the life," she smirked, walking to the couch.

"Hn. I have some homework. I'll be out in a little."

"Take your time, Sasuke. No rush."

 

Not too long after making sure Sasuke had his lunch and belongings for school, Kokoa found herself on the couch in the early morning, hair scattered, clothes wrinkled, face tearstained. Every day she fought to stay strong for Sasuke, but the minute he left, she felt herself crumble.

Knock, knock, knock. Glancing at the door in surprise, she rose to her feet, trying to fix herself up as she walked.

"Ohayou gozaimasu, Kokoa."

"…Ryuuji?" She blinked. "It's early, and I'm not…decent," she mumbled, trying to step away from the sunlight.

"Sorry to bother you so early, but I have some good news that'll lift your spirits."

"It has to be pretty damn good then."

"I got you a mission."

"Nani?"

"With me. We needed one more member, so I suggested you," he explained.

"Oh."

"You said you were out of action for a while, so I figured you'd want to come. Plus, you are quite skilled, so it's not like you'd be getting in the way or anything."

"But – I – Sasuke. I can't leave him," she stammered, trying to think of a way out.

"Already stopped by the academy and explained everything to him and the supervisors. He'll be taken care of."

"But after what happened – he needs me –"

"He has his friends, and a lot of school work. He'll be fine. Besides, you need this too. Get your mind off of the tragedy and what's his name."

_'Itachi…'_

"I…" She couldn't think of anything. "When?"

"As soon as you're ready. Meet us at the front gates."

"Hai." Turning her back, she shut the door. "Damn him. What's his deal? He doesn't seem like he's been sent to watch me, but he's getting a little too close for comfort," she spat to herself before heading off to prepare.

 

  
It was a basic mission; exchange and gather some information; keep the scrolls safe, etc.

"So, Kokoa, what do you like to do?" Ryuuji started the conversation. She looked over, not in the mood to talk, but she would feel too guilty if she denied him.

"Training. I'm always looking to improve. I used to like going to small cafés, but…not so much anymore…You?"

"Ninja stuff of course," he grinned. "I'll be honest, I got into fishing. Like the relaxing kind, not where I'm struggling for food."

"That's different."

"Yeah. I'll have to show you one day. There are a lot of lakes, rivers, and streams in Konoha."

"I bet." She managed a smile.

"I'm serious. Tag along one day. It'd be fun. Just us."

"Just us…"

 

Leaning against a tree with her knees to her chest, Kokoa watched the flickering fire. The two other members had drifted off to sleep not too long ago.

"Kind of chilly tonight," Ryuuji commented, walking over.

"Ah," she replied, eyes fixed on the flames.

"We've got a good fire going though. No worries."

 

  
"A fire? Where there's a fire, there's a person. Why don't we check it out, Itachi-san?" Kisame suggested as they wandered the woods.

"All right." He followed.

"Ho, ho, looks like I was right. And not just ordinary people. We've got ourselves a team of Konoha shinobi. You think they're tracking us?" he inquired, leaning against Samehada. Itachi examined the group, eyes landing on Kokoa. His lips parted, fortunately not dramatically enough for Kisame to notice.

"I doubt it," he replied, keeping his cool.

"Really?"

"If Konoha was after us, I doubt they'd send a bunch like them."

"What do you mean?"

"They're a mixture of chunin and jonin, hastily assembled, a last minute team. They're probably on some basic C rank mission, if that."

"Hm, you have a point. Still, Itachi-san…"

"I'll keep an eye on them. You can head to town and finish what we set out to do. I'll meet you near the base in the morning."

"Sounds good to me. Try not to get yourself killed," he smirked, jaunting off with his sword. Lifting his collar, Itachi hid in the shadows, watching the team, watching Kokoa. He narrowed his eyes at Ryuuji, the boy talking to her. He didn't like the way his eyes wandered, the way he engaged her. More than anything, it hurt his heart, knowing that he could never take his place beside Kokoa. What hurt even more was the fact Kokoa didn't respond much to the boy. She never looked at him, rarely answered him, and her body language closed her off.

Itachi knew, he bore the guilt of destroying her heart. She would never love or trust again. She would never be open, and he hated himself. If Kokoa found someone who loved her…of course he would want her to be happy, to be safe even if it wasn't him, but he was convinced that he had ruined that for her. He had destroyed her. He crushed her heart, and she hated him.

With a nod, Ryuuji was off to bed. Kokoa remained where she was. Itachi tilted his head, curious when she reached in her shirt. Slipping the chain over her head, she let the necklace rest in her hands. His eyes widened, stunned that she held on to the Uchiha pendant. Closing her fingers around it, she rested her fist against her heart, struggling against the tears.

 Itachi looked on in confusion. He ended the relationship the night before the massacre in hopes of making it easier for Kokoa to let go. If she was angry that he chose the clan over her, perhaps she wouldn't have been so upset. He wanted her to hate him. He used his father as an excuse to walk away from her. He told her they wouldn't get their happy ending, all to make her turn her back on him so she wouldn't come running after him; however, she never did turn away. After all the planning, and all that passed, he found himself watching her hold onto the only piece of him she had left, and for the first time in a while, he found it hard to control himself. 

 


	23. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #23

Itachi never slept that night. He stayed up, hidden in the shadows, watching Kokoa drift off. The sun slowly lit the sky while he still stood leaning against the tree.

"Do you have everything, Ryuuji?"

"Yeah. I'm all packed. You?"

"We are."

"How about you, Kokoa?"

"Yes."

"All right everyone, let's head out." The team gathered their belongings and started off. Itachi made sure of the direction they were going, sad eyes fixed on Kokoa until she was out of sight.

 

"Well, well, about time you showed. Decided to stay and have a snack with your Konoha buddies?" Kisame smirked.

"I waited to see where they're heading."

"Oh? And where would that be."

"I don't know the particular location, but it's in the opposite direction. We're fine. Besides, as I said earlier, if Konoha was after us, they wouldn't even be on the list of teams they'd send."

"Good. Let's head back then, before the man in charge has a fit," he sighed, leading the way. Itachi sighed deeply. She was so close. He never thought he'd see Kokoa again, yet there she was, only yards away. Worst of all, she hadn't forgotten him. She hadn't forgotten the boy who was forced to forget her.

  
  
Kokoa found herself in the mood for some sun. Stepping out the front door, she spotted something on the ground. A letter of some sort. Her breath hitched.

 _'Itachi.'_ Shaking violently, she struggled to peel it open.

"Kuroki Kokoa." She jumped when the ANBU member spoke. Turning, she found him inside.

"What?"

"So excited over a letter?"

"What of it?"

"Expecting something? From someone specific?" he casually inquired. She narrowed her eyes.

"No."

"You seemed so eager to open it though. Don't let me stop you. Go on."

"Hn." Her gaze fell to the paper. She had no idea if it really was from Itachi, but she couldn't risk it. She simply stared at it.

"What? Am I right? Is your precious Uchiha prodigy trying to reach you after all this time?"

"Go to hell."

"Open it, Kokoa."

"Why are you even here?" she spat. "Are you watching me? Are you and the rest of your dogs tracking me?"

"Dogs? When last I looked, you also were a "dog," a tool of the village."

"Leave."

"Don't get so angry, Kokoa. And don't let me be the one to interrupt. Go ahead, check your mail," he said calmly. She curled her lip in anger, wanting more than anything to punch right through that mask of his.

_'What if it's not from Itachi? They'll suspect me even more if I refuse to open it in front of him. Why would Itachi try to reach me anyway, especially after all this time? He turned his back a long time ago. I'm the one who can't let go.'_

"Fine. Here," she snapped, ripping it open.

"No need to go any further." He stopped her.

"Eh?"

"It isn't from Uchiha. I was just testing you. A polite boy about your age dropped it off earlier."

"What? So – why are you even here?"

"Just because some time has passed doesn't mean you still aren't under suspicion. I was ordered to check in with you is all. Where is Uchiha Sasuke?"

"The Academy, where else?" she barked.

"No need to be so rude, Kokoa. I'm simply doing my job. Sayonara." He was gone.

"You have got to be joking," she spat, slamming the door shut. Pacing the living room, she remembered the letter in her hand.

"Polite boy? Who in the hell –" Her eyes paused on the name. "Ryuuji." She tossed the paper aside, marching to the kitchen for a drink.

"I'm home, Kokoa-chan," Sasuke smiled, stepping in.

"Hi."

"Hey…" He noticed her expression. "Did something happen?"

"Just more harassment from those ANBU jerks."

"Still? What for?"

"I don't know. They still "suspect" me," she mumbled.

"Oh…hey, what's this?" He picked up the letter.

"Don't know, don't care."

"It's from Ryuuji. He wants you to meet him by the trail. You going?"

"No."

"Why not?" He gave her a confused look.

"I have other things to do than go hiking."

"Like what?"

"Be harassed by ANBU."

"Kokoa…"

"Sasuke…"

"You should go."

"Why?" she sighed.

"Go out. It's good for you."

"Anytime someone wants me to do something, they say it'll be good for me. I think I know what is and isn't good for me," she growled, crossing her arms.

"But it is good."

"He's been coming around here all smiley all the time, talking like we've been best friends for years. He drags me along with his team for a stupid mission, and now he wants to meet me? What gives?"

"Well…"

"Well what, Sasuke? Is there some blatant message? I'm not seeing it." She took a sip of juice.

"I think he likes you, Kokoa-chan," he chuckled. She fell silent, eyeing the floor. "You should go. What if he really does like you?"

"Sasuke –"

"That'd be so awesome!"

"Sasuke –"

"You two could –"

"Will you stop?" she snapped. He paused, giving her a strange look. "I'll go. Just stop. Please."

  
  
"Kokoa, you came."

"Hey…"

"Glad you made it. Remember I told you about fishing? I thought today was a good day to show you. It's pretty fun and relaxing. The stream is right over that hill. Come on." He smiled, leading her off with all his gear.

"Why this stream?"

"It's smaller, closer to where I live, and I guess I'm used to it. I wouldn't head to a river unless I had more people with me. It could get dangerous, you know." He explained.

"Ah." She stood to the side.

"I've been to Naka no Kawa, the Naka River, once. Great spot down there."

"Naka no Kawa…Shisui…"

"Hm?" He glanced over his shoulder.

"Nothing. I just remembered something is all."

"Alrighty. Just let me set up and then I can start showing you the ropes," he chuckled.

 _'Shisui.'_ She grabbed at her shirt, at her heart. _'Itachi.'_

  
  
"She refused to open it?"

"At first. I inquired if a letter from Uchiha Itachi was possible. She was hesitant at first, but gave in in the end."

"Is that so?" Danzo commented.

"Yes sir. She's still upset that we suspect her."

"Do you think we still should?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Uchiha Itachi was the main person she associated with. It is said they were seeing each other, they were lovers. They confided in each other. There's also the fact she believed in his innocence. Add her behavior about the letter, and well…it's as if she was expecting something from him, or she so badly wants him to get in contact. She's…I wouldn't pull away yet, sir. She isn't right."

"Well then don't let up. You've been assigned to her, and so far you've been excellent. I am pleased with you. Keep in mind, you are to take note of anything she says, does, or even thinks that may have something to do with Uchiha Itachi."

"Hai."

  
  
"Sasuke says he thinks he likes me."

"Oh? Did you go?"

"Yeah…only to get Sasuke to stop talking."

"Was fishing that bad?"

"The fishing was fine, Kakashi-san. Nothing happened. I just…"

"Maybe this is good."

"What is?"

"Change. Maybe this is what you need to move on."

"I don't want to move on."

"Kokoa, you can't dwell in the past."

"It's the only thing I have."

"You have me. I count, don't I? And what about Sasuke? He's going through the same exact thing," Kakashi stated. "Look, I don't know him too well, but Iruka has spoken highly of this Ryuuji. He's a good kid, who is actually being kind. You did say everyone was being cold and judgmental to you, right?"

"Yeah."

"So don't push away the first person other than myself who wants to be your friend or more, Kokoa."

"But…" She bit her lip, not wanting to say anything more.

  
  
He stood out in the pouring rain, gazing up at the grey sky.

"In the rain again?" Orochimaru hissed. Itachi glanced over at the dry Akatsuki member. "So cold and miserable. Then again, it suits you, Itachi." He made his way over. Itachi watched his every move.

"You always were the quite one. Still, you should acknowledge those who speak to you. Especially if they're your superiors."

"I meant no disrespect, Orochimaru-san."

"I couldn't help but notice that you've been sulking around lately. A bit more than usual. Homesick are we?"

"How about you? It seems Konoha is always on your mind, Orochimaru-san." He turned, coughing into his arm.

"Hn, not for the reasons you think, boy."

"I left Konoha." He faced the snake. "What's done is done. I'm not looking back." He started walking.

"I hear from a reliable source that spotting a group of Konoha shinobi stirred something in you, Itachi. Are you lonesome?"

"That I was ever a part of a pathetic village like that, bewilders me. I wasted my time playing ninja, blind to the world and the opportunities it held for the longest time. But no more. I've tested myself, obtained a power, measured my capacity. I turned my back on Konohagakure and its pathetic shinobi long ago."

 

"Hey."

"Hi, Sasuke."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Kokoa questioned.

"That we've been fighting a lot lately."

"Oh."

"I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I, Sasuke." She shrugged. He walked over, taking a seat beside her.

"It's just that…I know what you're going through, Kokoa."

"I know I've been acting like the only victim. You're the one who lost his family. I've been selfish," she admitted.

"But they were your family too. My mother loved you, and my father…he was strict, but I think one day you could have won him over. He was a good man."

"He was. Very strong, all of the Uchiha."

"So I know you're sad. I'm sad too, Kokoa. I'm scared, and angry, and I know you are too, but sometimes I don't understand why you act the way or say the things you do. I get angry. I don't know…sometimes it's like you still have feelings for him and you shouldn't."

"I know. I don't."

"You don't?"

"I’m…I'm getting over him," she lied. "He ruined everything and then left. Why should I still like him? You're right, Sasuke."

"Mhm." He nodded.

"All I ended up with was that silly necklace." She pulled him against her for an embrace, resting her head atop his. Sasuke was Itachi's precious little brother. She promised to be there for him if Itachi couldn't. She wouldn't, she couldn't break her promise, not to him. She had to protect him, help him move forward. She had to be strong for him. She had to lie for any of that to happen. She would neglect her own happiness in order to please Sasuke. He was only a child after all. An intelligent young boy, but still only a child.

"Ryuuji wants to hang out again," she whispered.

"Oh yeah?" he mumbled, face against her chest.

"I think you're right, Sasuke. I think he does like me." It infuriated her.

"Told you so," he teased. "Are you going to ask him out?"

"Me ask him?" How could she? How could she ever look at anyone else? "I don't think I can."

"Why not?"

"I don't know for sure if he does like me, silly." Sasuke didn't know what love was, and even if he did, he wasn't aware of how strong Kokoa's was for Itachi. He couldn't even begin to understand the position, the value, the impact his older brother had in her life. To him, Itachi and Kokoa were a couple. They liked each other and went on dates. Nothing more. It should be easy for her to move on especially after all he did. He had no clue.

"You still should ask him."

"Well not now at least." Not ever. Everyone told her what to do, saying that whatever it was would be good for her. People expected her to just bounce back up after everything without ever trying to understand the pain in her heart.


	24. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #24

Kokoa pulled the sheets up over her head. She dreaded leaving bed. She didn't want to – couldn't face today. Reaching out, she pulled the photograph from the drawer. She stared at it, at his smile, the way they stood side by side. If Itachi was still in Konoha, she would have taken him out today for a few rounds of birthday dango. Sadly, it was impossible. He was gone, and Kokoa would have to "forget" it was his birthday for Sasuke's sake.

Resting the photo against the left of her chest, she shut her eyes, letting her tears trickle down onto the pillow.

 

"Good morning, Kokoa-chan."

"Morning, Sasuke." She managed a smile. She gave him a look when he chuckled softly.

"Something wrong?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Your hair."

"What of it?"

"It's a mess."

"I wasn't planning on leaving the house. Don't laugh," she pouted, pulling it back into a messy bun.

"Sorry, sorry. Let's do something today."

"I'm tired," she lied.

"Please? I'm going to be so bored. Let's train, or go on some adventure. Please, Kokoa-chan."

"Sasuke…"

"Please?"

"…Fine," she sighed. She wished he had academy classes today. She would have stayed in bed until he came home in the afternoon.

"Training."

"Let me get my things then." She dragged herself away.

  
"So have you talked to Ryuuji lately?" Sasuke grinned, sitting beside Kokoa in the grass after an intense training session.

"Not since the fishing," she said softly.

"He's nice. He's smart too."

"Yeah?"

"I like his hair."

"It is nice."

"Can he come over for dinner?"

"Eh?"

"Dinner."

"Not today. I'm a mess, and so is the house. I haven't been to the market either."

"Oh. Maybe another time."

"Maybe."

"Let me know so I can tell him. He'll be happy," he smiled. Kokoa watched him with sad eyes. He was desperate to replace Itachi, desperate to fill the void, the position of his older brother. Ryuuji was good for Sasuke. He encouraged the child, kept him busy, but every time she saw the boy with his indigo hair and his indigo eyes playing or walking with Sasuke, she pictured Itachi. This boy was trying so hard to insert himself into the family Sasuke and Kokoa had become, and she disapproved.

 

"You did well on your latest mission, Kokoa."

"Arigato, Hokage-sama," she replied, avoiding his eyes.

"You definitely deserve the title of jonin. I'm proud of you," Sarutobi stated. She remained silent.

"Are you upset about something, Kokoa?"

"No, Hokage-sama."

"Something is troubling you. If there is, you need to tell me."

"Just some trouble with ANBU," she mumbled.

"ANBU?" He questioned before realizing Danzo had his Root members watching her.

"Hai. They pop out of nowhere, even in my house…one in particular," she spat.

"I apologize, Kokoa, but it's standard practice. There are rules."

"Rules? In what world are there rules that allow the Hokage's top shinobi to harass an innocent person?" She faced him.

"Kokoa –"

"You still think I had something to do with it. My life has been hell. It's been one big nightmare. I keep praying that one day I'll wake up, but every day just gets worse. Why can't you see that? Why can't you sympathize? Take pity on me? You know me. I have worked under you for so long. I have proved my skill and my loyalty to you and to Konoha. Why won't you make it stop? Please?" she begged. He glanced away at the pain in her voice and eyes.

"You have proved your loyalty to myself and Konoha, but over the years you have also proven your loyalty to Uchiha Itachi. Until we find him, and until we figure it all out, I cannot call off the ANBU. It also isn't completely in my hands. There are other elders who wouldn't be pleased if I dropped you as a suspect. It's what has to be done. I am sorry, Kokoa."

"Sorry? You're not sorry. If you were sorry, you wouldn't torture a committed shinobi who lost everything all over again! You're watching me fall apart day by day, never reaching out to help. I thought you liked me. I thought I could trust you as my leader, but you've let me down."

"That's no way to speak to your superior," he said firmly.

"I don't care anymore. I don't care. I just want it to stop." She held her head. "I was not involved in the Uchiha massacre, and I don't know where Itachi is, and I will take that to my grave. That is my truth."

  
Sitting alone in his room, Itachi gazed at the floor, lost in thought. Today was a special day – or it would have been if none of this mess ever happened. He didn't care much for silly holidays, but he knew Kokoa would have changed his mind just this day, like she did every year. The fact she held onto the pendant, the fact she hadn't forgotten him…it eased his mind and the pain in his heart just a bit. But it also dropped a heavy load of guilt onto his shoulders. Although he wanted more than anything to be with her, he broke her heart. He couldn't return to her, but Kokoa…Kokoa could and would spend the rest of her life chasing after the man who hurt her most.

 

Sasuke fell asleep early and quickly that night, exhausted from training. Kokoa moved around quietly in her room, slipping into something lighter, more traditional; a very simple kimono, one she kept in her closet over the years for the occasional special event. Tidying herself up a bit, she headed for the door, but not before leaving a note outside of Sasuke's door, letting him know she went out for a bit if he were to wake up and not find her there.

Although it was dark out, it wasn't too late. People still roamed the streets, and several stands were still open, selling food and trinkets. She pulled the money from her pouch before walking up to one of them. Click. Click. Click. She walked to a nearby bench. She held the stick up. Sadly eyeing the dango, she used her free hand to brush away the warm tears dripping onto her kimono.

"Happy birthday, Itachi-san." 


	25. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading and the feedback. I truly appreciate it. Also, when I originally posted this chapter on my other account I had it as chapters 25 and 26 in one chapter to fix a numbering problem I was having. What I'll do here is post it as two individual chapters at the same time so it's not so strange. That's why this first chapter is a little shorter than usual.

"Tell Sasuke I said hello," Ryuugi smiled.

"Ah," Kokoa nodded, stepping up to her front door.

"Sayonara, Kokoa. See you soon." He waved before heading off. Sighing, she stepped inside.

"Yo."

"Kakashi-san?" She blinked, surprised to find him inside.

"Long time no see, don't you think? I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd check up on you, you know?" he smirked.

"Well thanks. You're about the only one who cares," she mumbled.

"Now, now. That Ryuuji fellow seems to care quite a bit," he commented. She looked away, not saying anything.

"If you don't like him, why are you spending so much time with him, hm?" he inquired.

"I don't have anything against the kid. It's just...Sasuke is very fond of him, and wanted me to invite him over for dinner. I gave in. Now Ryuuji comes around almost every day to see Sasuke or drag me somewhere. He's nice, but I just don't have it in me. It's so hard though because Sasuke loves him, and if I don't spend time with him, Sasuke will think I'm lying or being mean. I just..." She rubbed her face.

"That boy likes you, Kokoa. Let him pamper you. You deserve to be happy."

"He's not who I want to be happy with..."

"You're going to have to accept it eventually. Your future with him is over. It has been."

"I know," she whispered. "Don't worry, for Sasuke's sake, I'm going to have to keep this act up. I'll be spending plenty of time with that Ryuuji. Besides, we've only been fishing and out for lunch. He hasn't actually asked to take me out on an official date. We're just two fellow shinobi. I hope it stays that way."

"You're so difficult."

"I'm not difficult. I'm tired of not having any answers. And I'm sick of being watched like some criminal or strange experiment. Put yourself in my shoes and maybe you'll begin to understand what it's like. I'm trying not to bring more suspicion upon myself all while lying and faking a smile for Sasuke. Itachi left me with nothing; no answers, no explanations, no guide as to what to do."

"And yet, you can't seem to forget him."

"Would you be able to forget your closest friends? Your family?"

"My friends and family never did what he did, Kokoa."

"Hn, of course not. You know, Kakashi-san, I feel like we always have the same conversation," she sighed.

"It's because you haven't quite moved on."

"Not as easy as it sounds, especially when you're constantly reminded of it."

"You're a shinobi, Kokoa. You'll have to learn eventually."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Well, I'm off. I have some business to get to. Sayonara."

"Sayonara, Kakashi."

 

"Why are you so dirty?" Kokoa inquired, brushing the dirt from Sasuke.

"I got into a tiny fight."

"Tiny? Fight?"

"A boy in my class. He always picks fights with me."

"Doesn't mean you have to continue the fights, Sasuke. Who is this boy?"

"Uzumaki Naruto," he pouted.

"Ah. The cute blonde," she giggled. He gave her a look. "You're cute too. Don't worry." She ruffled his hair.

"Go wash up and put on some new clothes. I don't need you dragging all this dirt around my house."

"Hai, hai." He walked off with a slight smile.

"What are you so happy about?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm glad you're happy." He faced her with a full smile. "It makes me happy."

"Oh...well, the same for you." She managed a small one of her own. He skipped off to clean up.

 

"You're wanted by our lovely leader," Kisame grinned, leaning on a wall across from Itachi. He looked up.

"Did he say why?"

"Nope. Only that he wants you. It's urgent. What trouble have you gotten yourself into, Itachi-san?"

"I didn't do anything to raise alarm or suspicion. I have no idea what it could be about." He rose to his feet.

"Well go find out, and be a good friend and fill me in. It's gotten quite boring around here, ne?" he smirked. Itachi let out a sigh, heading off.

 

"You wanted to see me?"

"Itachi, from what I've seen and what others have said, you seem...distracted," Pein said, not wasting any time. The Uchiha glanced over, spotting Konan.

"I don't understand."

"It's as I said. You seem distracted. You aren't focused. While your mission reports are flawless, I can't help but wonder if you're completely here, completely committed to Akatsuki." He narrowed his eyes.

"I killed my clan and fled Konoha. I could have gone anywhere or done anything I desired. I came here. Akatsuki is my everything. I am committed, regardless of what others say. I may seem distracted, but I assure you I'm not. Sometimes my mind wanders when I am alone, is all. It doesn't interfere with my work."

"Alright…you've convinced me. How fortunate for you. Like you said, Akatsuki is your everything, and you're expected to do everything, and make any sacrifices for the goal we all share."

"I understand."

"Good."

  
"If you don't start knocking on the front door before stepping into my house, there's going to be a problem," Kokoa spat, turning to find the same ANBU member.

"You talk big, Kuroki, but I know that's all it is, talk."

"Why are you here?"

"My mission. I thought I explained all this the last time we met."

"Mission? You're still watching me? Couldn't you make it a little less obvious?" she sighed, falling to the couch.

"I could, but...where's the fun in that?"

"Heartless bastard."

"Such big words for a small girl."

"This small girl will smash your face in."

"I don't fear you, Kokoa, or your empty threats. You're just a girl who was prematurely promoted to jonin. A shame, really. You can't even control your emotions."

"Heh, what are you saying?"

"Chasing after a rogue ninja and acting out due to an unstable emotional state, I don't believe you're fit to be a shinobi of any rank. Perhaps turning in the vest for a while would be good."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" she scoffed. "Don't worry. I haven't been assigned anything in weeks. I don't have to resign to be out of work. I'll just sit here in Konoha enjoying tea time, remaining blind to the world."

"Hn, you've been blind to the world from the beginning. Uchiha Itachi was your world. Even now, in your bitter solitude, you continue to only see him, or, his back at least, considering he turned away ages ago."

"I don't understand why you do this," she whispered. "I don't mean to disrespect you, but you always push me. You always push me!"

"To see where your loyalties lie. I can see you haven't given up on him, which leads me to wonder if you're waiting for something. That's why we're watching you, Kuroki. You're not helping yourself by staying locked up in your house moping around, or crying over that photograph of yours, or admiring that pendant around your neck."

Her eyes widened.

"I'm not doing this because I hate you. I don't know you, but acting on my orders and as a shinobi of Konoha, if I suspect you may still have relations with Uchiha Itachi, I will watch you, and I will do what I have to." He was gone. Kokoa bent over, struggling for a deep breath. She was close to the edge. A few more steps and she'd fall.

 

Ever since he spotted Kokoa and realized she hadn't turned her back, Itachi found it hard to think about anything else. Apparently it was quite obvious something was on his mind, considering Pein had questioned him. It was getting dangerous. He knew he couldn't return. They would never have their happy ending. Even if she still cared, he wasn't allowed to. 

Itachi would never forget her, and he would never want to hurt her more than he already had, but it was time he severed the ties between them. He had to turn his back completely this time, with no ounce of hope of things going back to the way they were. For Kokoa's sake and his own, he embraced the qualities of a shinobi. He hardened himself, wiped his mind of the worry and hope, and numbed his emotions. Uchiha Itachi became a member of Akatsuki; a cold, ruthless missing ninja who heartlessly massacred his clan, abandoned his brother, and ruined the girl who loved him most. 

 


	26. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading and the feedback. I truly appreciate it. Also, when I originally posted this chapter on my other account I had it as chapters 25 and 26 in one chapter to fix a numbering problem I was having. What I'll do here is post it as two individual chapters at the same time so it's not so strange. So here's chapter 26!

"Glad you agreed to come in the end," Ryuuji said, standing in the doorway.

"Well Sasuke can be a bit persuasive," Kokoa smiled softly, glancing over at the child.

"Have fun!" he laughed. She shook her head, following Ryuuji out.

"You look very nice. It might be the first time I see you in clothes other than your vest."

"Oh? I guess so," she replied, glancing down at her simple outfit.

"Ok. I'm starving. I hope you are too."

"I could eat."

"Let's go then!" He led her off.

 

"So would you ever consider working only within the village? Like Iruka-san."

"I wouldn't want to teach, but if there were other positions I could fill, I would consider them. That would mean I wouldn't have to leave for days on end. I could be there for Sasuke," Kokoa explained.

"I see, I see. You really care about him."

"Mhm."

"Why go so far? I know you're friends, and you've always looked after him, but to go so far as to take him in, especially when you're still young yourself," Ryuuji inquired.

"Well, it's because I have always looked after him, like you said. He's precious to me, and he's been through a lot, something no child or person should ever have to experience. I'm the closest thing to a family he's got, and I also promised."

"Promised?"

"I promised  _him_  a long time ago that I would look after him if anything happened. We agreed to be there for each other."

"I still can't believe Itachi would do that, especially to his brother. I can't imagine why he would all of a sudden, unless he always was the cold monster he turned out to be, you know."

"Yeah..."

"People still talk about it. I guess they always will. The Uchiha was one of the oldest and largest clans in Konoha. Their eradication is a part of history if you think about it."

"Ah..."

"It's a shame you had to get all tied up in it. What was it like?" he questioned.

"What was what like?"

"You were involved with him, right? What was it like? Did you know or suspect?"

"I -"

"I don't mean to make this an interrogation, I'm just curious. I've heard a lot from other shinobi and civilians, but I thought I'd ask."

"Well...he was kind. He was kind to me and Sasuke. I don't know where it all changed, or why, but he truly was kind," she whispered. "He was a gentle boy."

"Turned out to be an act, huh? I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sorry he dragged you through all of this. You don't deserve it."

"I'll be alright." She shifted in her seat.

"You're strong. I believe you," he smiled. "Enough serious talk. Let's enjoy this food."

  
Sasuke wanted to stay up and wait for Kokoa, but after a long day of learning and bickering with Naruto, he found himself dozing off on the couch. He would hate himself for being unable to resist sleep, but his body left him no choice. In minutes, his head hit the pillow and his mind drifted off to dream.

  
"You were right, Kokoa. This dessert stand is amazing. I can't believe I've never tried it!"

"It is good," she agreed.

"It's all the way out here. How did you even find it?" he chuckled.

"I've explored the various dessert and sweet places with friends in the past."

"Mmm. Good choice. So, speaking of friends, who do you hang out with?"

"Well..." She fiddled with her thumbs. The sun began descending. The day neared its end as they walked the less crowded streets.

"It's been some time since I've met up with anyone from my academy classes. Recently, it's just been Kakashi-san. He's almost like an older brother or guardian, but not quite," she chuckled softly.

"And me. Can't forget me."

"True."

"I like being with you, Kokoa. You make me happy," he smiled.

"Oh?" She stared at her shoes.

"You're interesting, and even though you don't say much, you're still sweet, and very pretty." He blushed. She glanced up, a bit confused.

"O - Oh."

"I'm glad you came tonight. I really am." He took a step forward. The street began to clear. Gently taking a hold of her arm, he leaned in, bringing his lips near her own. Pushing him away, she stepped back, horrified.

"What are you doing?" she spat, eyes wide.

"I was - I was going to kiss you. Did I move too fast? I'm sor -"

"Why? Why would you do that? Why would you even think that?"

"I - uh - it felt right -"

"It felt right? You just kiss me?"

"We were having fun on our date. I thought it was a good time."

"Date...?" She fell quiet.

"Yeah. That's what all of this is. Today was a date. Didn't you know?"

"I -"

"I took you to dinner, dessert, and an evening walk. What else would this be?" he furrowed his brow.

"Not a date. I thought we were just hanging out, another random outing." She shrugged.

"Even if it wasn't an official date, isn't it obvious I like you, Kokoa? I mean Sasuke must have told you already. Can't you see?"

"Like me?"

"Yeah. That's why I kept coming around and asking you places." He gave her a look.

"You don't just ask me out or - or kiss me." She took another step back.

"Sorry if I freaked you out. I didn't realize you were this shy -"

"It's not because I'm shy. You just don't - you can't do that," she said firmly.

"Can't do that? What the hell do you mean by that?" he spat, growing irritated. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm not looking for a relationship. Had I known this was a date, I would have never come."

"Wasn't it obvious that I liked you? How could you not see it? How could you lead me on like that?"

"I didn't lead you on. I'm not at fault here. You are."

"Me? I, Ryuuji, am the one at fault? For what, asking a pretty girl out? For liking her? What's so bad about dating me anyways? You make it seem like I'm not worth it, like I'm not good enough for you. What is it, Kokoa? I'd like to hear...say something."

"I..."

"Well?"

"It's –"

"Go on," he urged. She fingered the Uchiha crest. His eyes widened

"You've got to be joking. That's the reason?  _He's_  the reason?"

"Huh?" She looked up confused

"You won't give me a chance because you still have the ridiculous notion that Itachi will come back for you? After killing his own flesh and blood and ditching the village, did you really think he'd come back for you."

"I didn't say anything of the sort –"

"You didn't have to, Kokoa. You're wearing the crest. Being a non-Uchiha I assume he gave that to you. You won't let me kiss you because you're still chasing after that murderer. What is wrong with you!" He took a step forward.

"He is a villain, a traitor, a missing nin who abandoned Konoha, and you still wear his necklace? You still think of him? Want him? Love him?"

She swallowed hard, speechless, terrified.

"You're pathetic. The others and the villagers were right. You're hopeless and just as bad as he is for still wanting him, for still wearing that." He grabbed the pendant. "I thought I would give you a chance. I would try to see the real you and ignore the rumors, but they aren't rumors. You probably were involved and you probably know what he's up to. How I ever let myself get into this situation is beyond me. You sicken me." He ripped the chain from her neck, throwing it to the ground. She flinched, putting up her arms in defense as he did so.

"Enjoy living out the rest of your life alone, Kokoa, because as long as you still feel for Uchiha Itachi, no one will ever want to get close to you. Sayonara," he spat, turning on his heels, grinding the necklace into the dirt as he walked off, leaving her alone in the empty street.

Crouching down, Kokoa gently picked up the necklace, brushing away the dirt with her fingers. She eyed it sadly. Ryuuji wasn't the first, and he wouldn’t be the last to judge her for wearing it, but it didn't matter to her. That necklace was one of the most important things to her, and she would always wear it. Slipping it back over her head, she began to wander, fighting against the tears, trying to cope with his cruel words and humiliation. She lost that battle.

 

Kokoa hadn't gone home. Instead, she found herself standing before non-other than Naka no Kawa, the Naka River. Coming close to the edge, she watched the powerful water pull anything and everything.

"Shisui…" Did Itachi really kill his best friend, or was Shisui sick of it all? Did he throw himself in the river of his own will? She took a step forward. For the rest of her life, Kokoa would be talked about. She would be under suspicion. She would be judged and glared at, treated like the jinchuuriki; blamed and judged for something beyond their control. She had fought back, and she had tried to stay strong, but now the cracks started to show, and she simply couldn't handle living like this. No one would accept her beliefs and her feelings about Itachi.

"Ryuuji was right…I'll always be alone." She took another step. She gasped at how terrifying the river seemed at night. More tears flooded her eyes. Itachi was gone, and she couldn't keep up the act for Sasuke. Perhaps dying would be best. Konoha wouldn't be able to harass her anymore. The villagers would be relieved she was no longer a threat. And Sasuke…

"He needs me," she whined to herself, struggling to make up her mind. "I promised. I promised." She rubbed her eyes aggressively, crying out and gasping. Sasuke did need her, and she needed him just as much.

"But I can't do this anymore. I just can't…why did you have to leave me like that? Why did you run away? You know I would have followed you. I would have tried to understand. I would have loved you. Why did you do this to us, to me?" She took one more step, ready to throw herself in the raging river and end it all. A violent wind rushed by, making her lose her balance. She wobbled in place. Her foot slipped. Had it not been for her quick reflexes, she really would have fallen. That fear, that moment, she realized she didn't want to die. She just wanted the pain to end. She just wanted to be happy, even if just a little. She crawled away from the edge, over to the grass, and laid in it, tears still falling.

Kokoa cared for Sasuke, and she couldn't stand leaving him alone, to let everyone have their way with him and mold him into what they wanted. He was hurting, and so was she, and they would help each other. She had to stop lying so much to him.

Kokoa also didn't want to die because deep in her heart she still believed the Uchiha massacre wasn't what it seemed. If Itachi did single handedly wipe them out, there had to be a reason. No matter what anyone tried telling her, she knew Itachi couldn't fake his kindness. He couldn't fake the emotions they shared. Underneath it all, he was a human being, and she knew that human, she knew that boy, and she would hunt him down, and she would hear his side of the story. She would hear his truth from his own mouth with no interruptions or outside influences.

She wasn't sure if she'd ever see him again, or if he'd even take the time to hear her out or respond, but she had hope. For now though, she decided it would be best to take Kakashi's advice. To move forward with Sasuke, Kokoa would become cold. She would become hard and closed off. She wouldn't care about anything or anyone other than Sasuke. She would grow up faster than expected. She would become a true shinobi and kill her emotions and step away from everything. She would have to "forget" Uchiha Itachi.  
  
What now my love  
Now that you left me  
How can I live through another day  
Watching my dreams turn into ashes  
And all my hopes into bits of clay  
Once I could see, once I could feel  
Now I'm numb  
I've become unreal  
I walk the night, oh, without a goal  
Stripped of my heart, my soul  
What now my love  
Now that it's over  
I feel the world closing in on me  
Here comes the stars  
Tumbling around me  
And there's the sky where the sea should be  
What now my love  
Now that you're gone  
I'd be a fool to go on and on  
No one would care, no one would cry  
If I should live or die  
What now my love  
Now there is nothing  
Only my last goodbye  
Only my last goodbye 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right folks, this is the end of the first part in this story. The time skip happens, so next chapter will have Sasuke in Team 7, and all that jazz. Older Kokoa, older Itachi, more drama and angst; the good stuff. Thanks for reading ;)


	27. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, truly, for all the feedback. It means a lot.
> 
> Also, in case you forgot, the last chapter ended the first part of the story. This new chapters marks the time skip. Team 7, older Kokoa, and Akatsuki. And in a few chapters something pretty big happens, so I'm sure you'll enjoy that ;)

"You almost got him killed."

"I know, Kokoa."

"He could have died."

"I know."

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Kokoa, relax," Kakashi said.

"I am relaxed, despite the fact Sasuke is lying in a hospital bed." She crossed her arms.

"You may seem calm to anyone else, but I've known you long enough to know you're worried. You've changed a lot in recent years, but I can still read you like a book. He'll be alright."

"That's not the point. The point is that he almost died. He just made genin. He just joined the squad."

"Kokoa, we were given a basic C rank mission. Our client lied because he couldn't afford to pay for what it really was."

"Facing the demon Zabuza? A boy with a kekei genkai already so well developed? He's strong, but…"

"He is strong," he agreed. "And he's a shinobi. He'll learn, and he'll grow. You cannot hold him back."

"I don't mean to." She fell quiet.  
"I know. You just worry. It's expected." He checked the clock. "I should go. I'll leave Sasuke to you."

"Sayonara, Kakashi-san." She walked over, gently sitting on the bed.

"Is he gone?"

"You're awake?" She blinked.

"Yup."

"Why hide from Kakashi?"

"Everyone's been hovering over me. I needed a break," he sighed.

"They were just worried. So am I. I hear the boy who hurt you didn't kill you because he was too kind. He hurt his heart for you. That doesn't happen too often out in the world. You're lucky to be alive, Sasuke."

"Yeah?" He knew the truth of the situation better than anyone.

"I'm glad you're alright," she whispered, folding her arms around him. His lips parted in surprise. He wrapped his own arms around her, playing with the tips of her hair. He eyed her black locks, saddened by the fact she had chopped it off. Once reaching her mid back, her silky ebony hair now fell just above her shoulders with a few strands falling across her face. With no one to dress up for and no motivation or drive, she cut her hair, making it one less thing she had to worry about. It saddened both Sasuke and Kokoa. Hair is an important part of a person and their expression. It was part of her femininity. However, she grew tired, and gave herself a dull hairstyle to match the dull and numbed person she had become.

"Are you crying?" he raised an eyebrow.

"No," she mumbled into his shoulder. "Almost, though."

"Hn."

"Sorry. I just…"

"Relax, Kokoa. I'm alive. Don't stress yourself."

"So casual and cool about being so near death. You're as badass as ever, or so you think." She playfully punched him.

"Go home and let me sleep," he pouted.

"Great way to treat the person who has taken care of and provided for you all these years. I'll remember this."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved her off.

"Night, Sasuke. Take it easy. I'll come by tomorrow."

"Arigato, Kokoa." He watched her leave, sliding the door shut behind her.

 

Kokoa quietly made her way down the white halls, basket in hand with her eyes fixed on the floor.

"Humph, whatever," Naruto grumbled, stepping out of Sasuke's room with his arms behind his head as always.

"Feel better, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura smiled, following the blond out. Kokoa paid no heed to them as they made their way up the hall towards her. The kid paused, turning slightly to see where the strange girl with the cold eyes was headed.

"Come here," Sakura whispered, dragging Naruto around the corner. Sticking their heads out slightly, they saw her enter Sasuke's room.

"She's visiting Sasuke. That jerk has friends?"

"Shut up, Naruto. Who is she?"

"How should I know?" He shrugged.

"I've seen her around a few times; mostly with Sasuke-kun and Kakashi-sensei," she said.

"Sister?"

"They don't look alike. I'm not sure, but if she's making moves…"

"Relax, Sakura-chan. Why stress over Sasuke when you can have me?" he smirked, pointing to himself.

"Alright, time to go," she spat, dragging him off.

 

"Ugh, more people?"

"Shut it," Kokoa snapped.

"I just want to sleep," he groaned.

"You have plenty of time to sleep. Besides, is this how you treat someone who has a basket of onigiri for you?"

"Thanks. You didn't have to." He sat up.

"I know, but it's your favorite."

"How lucky am I? You're not this nice to everyone, are you?" he snickered.

"Just you."

"I appreciate it, considering how you treat everyone else."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She raised an eyebrow.

"You're a bit…cold."

"You're one to talk."

"Can’t blame us."

"You're the only person who sees this side of me. I'm not cold to others. I'm just…controlled."

"I know…ugh." He sat up, throwing the covers off.

"What is it?"

"I'm sick of this place. Take me home."

"Sasuke, you're in the hospital for a reason."

"I'm fine."

"I don't want you getting hurt."  
"Kokoa, please? I just want to go home," he pleaded. Unable to refuse,

"Alright. Grab your stuff."

"Arigato."

"Hn."

 

"Dinner was great. I know it was only a few days, but I missed your food."

"It's good to be appreciated," she sighed.

"Everything alright?"

"Just tired, Sasuke. Sorry."

"I'm off to bed." He started off. She followed him after a minute or so.

"Sorry," she said, leaning in the doorway.

"For?"

"Your room is pretty small. To be fair, it wasn't built to be a bedroom. It worked fine when you were tiny, but not so much now. You're a lot bigger than you were then," she smiled softly.

"Can't say the same about you," he grinned.

"I grew!"

"Barely, Kokoa. It's ok though. You're a girl. Besides, that means I'll be taller than you soon."

"Yeah, you probably will."

"Don't worry about it."

"About what?" she inquired.

"The room. It's fine."

"I know there's nothing wrong with it, but it is pretty cramped, and you are a lot older. To be honest, the whole house feels kind of cramped, wouldn't you agree?" she sighed.

"Meh, maybe a bit, but it's nothing serious."

"Well, you can sleep in my room tonight," she offered.

"Why?"

"It's roomier, the bed is bigger, and you just got out of the hospital. Plus, I hear you put your sharingan to use against that Haku."

"But it's your room."

"If I didn't want you there, I wouldn't have offered. It's ok, really. You're tired. Get some rest."

"Thank you," he nodded, gathering his clothes. He headed for her room, shutting the door to change. Pressing his back against it, he let out a deep sigh.

 _'She's something else,_ ' he thought. _'She's…she's good.'_

"If you go through my things, I will know, and I will have my vengeance!" she called out.

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Smartass." She fell onto his bed. She wouldn't have to worry about him rummaging through her things. She figured he would for various reasons. Her belongings were safe, two in particular.

 

"Why so blue, Itachi-san?"

"Kisame?" He faced him.

"That Orochimaru snake is no longer here to chase after you. Cheer up, would you?" he snickered.

"Hn, he wasn't much trouble."

"Obviously, but I imagine it got pretty annoying, no?" he smirked. "We have a new task. Get some rest, and then gather your things. We leave soon."

"Hai."

  
  
"Are you sure you're better? I know it's been a few days, but…"

"I'm fine, Kokoa. I can't sit around. I need to get back to training."

"Alright. Try not to die."

"I won't make any promises," he smirked. Her smile faded.

"Eh – um be careful."

"Ah."

 

With nothing to do that day, Kokoa decided to check on Sasuke. Strapping on her headband and slipping into her shoes, she made her way to the training ground.

"Reading that book for the hundredth time?" she sighed.

"Hm? Me? No. This is the latest one," Kakashi looked up from the novel.

"He still writes them?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Of course! You know, if you gave them a try, I'm sure you'd love them."

"Maybe I would, but I won't risk it." She gave him a look.

"What brings you here? Visiting me while training, that's a first." He rose to his feet.

"Training? The boys are fighting, and that girl looks like she's about to cry," she pointed out.

"They have to learn how to get along. You think almost dying together would've done it, but after the Land of Waves, their teamwork and interaction has gotten worse. They're exhausting," he sighed.

"Whatever, Sasuke!"

"Usuratonkachi."

"Stop being so stupid, Naruto!"

"Sakura-chan!"

"Yeesh…you have a point," Kokoa shuddered.

"We're actually done for the day. I just wanted to see how long they'd keep fighting for," Kakshi laughed.

"And people think I'm the messed up one?"

"Not so much anymore."

"I wish. I'm as guilty as ever to these people. I still have issues leaving the house."

"I'm sorry, Kokoa. I really am."

"It's not your fault, Kakashi-san. Thank you for believing me, for being my friend."

"You're just lucky I like you, Kuroki,"

"Hn, yeah, yeah. Well I should I head off. I didn't cook, so I'm dragging Sasuke out somewhere."

"Sounds fun. I need to go finish this book. It's getting juicy! You're doing a good job…taking care of him. I know you see him as more of a precious friend than child you raised, but you did well. You still are. You're his rock," he smiled. She nodded, brushing the hair behind her ears.

"Sasuke," she called out. He stopped insulting Naruto to face her. "Come on. We're eating out."

"Yeah?" He walked over.

"Yup. Your choice. Just lead the way, and I'll pay."

"Who knew you could rhyme?"

"Shut up," she chuckled, tapping the back of his head.

"She showed up to practice? Who is this girl, and why is she so close to Sasuke-kun?" Sakura mumbled.

"I don't know, but she seems nice," Naruto said.

"Kind of weird."

"I like her."

"You don't even know her."

"Still. I can tell, I can tell," he nodded.

"Do you know her? Huh, Kakashi-sensei –" Sakura fell silent. He was gone. "Grr, where'd he go off to!?"

 

Kokoa fell to her bed, gazing up at the ceiling with half lidded eyes. Lying there, it was hard to feel. It was hard to feel anything anymore. She wanted it to be that way. She knew she had to in order to become a stronger shinobi and to avoid more suspicion from the villagers and elders; however, she also knew she was human, and she would react to things. She missed laughing and playing with Sasuke after his academy classes. She missed being teased by Gai and Kakashi. She missed being so innocent and naïve. There was no going back. Sasuke and Kakashi were the only two people who recieved any emotion or reactionfrom her. She had become numb to everything and everyone else.


	28. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #28

"Sakura-chan, why don't you just talk to her if you're so interested?" Naruto inquired.

"Because I don't know her."

"But that's the point of talking to her…to get to know her…"

"It's just weird. Now that I think about it, Sasuke-kun has always been with her, even when we were kids. I can't believe I don't know her," she sighed.

"Don't feel bad. I don't know her either. She seems to keep to herself. I barely even see her."

"Kakashi-sensei knows her."

"But Kakashi-sensei is weird," he chuckled.

"She doesn't hang around enough to find out anything about her, plus…she doesn't look like she'd be easy to talk to."

"I'm sure she's nice. I can tell."

 

"Kokoa?"

"Yeeees?" She looked over from the couch.

"I want to ask you about something."

"Is it boy stuff, Sasuke? I'll try, but I'm not too good –"

"No…"

"Good. What is it?"

"Here." He walked over, handing her a slip of paper. Her eyes widened.

"Hah, no."

"You don't even know what it is –"

"Of course I do, Sasuke. That's why I laughed and then said no."

"Kokoa –"

"Yes?" She glanced up with a forced smile.

"Let's talk. I'm not that little kid you took in. I'm older, not to mention a shinobi as well."

"Fine, let's "talk," Sasuke."

"I want to do it."

"Sasuke…" She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"I'm serious. Kakashi passed that out to Naruto and Sakura too. The entire team has to agree for us to be eligible. I can't be the one to screw it up, and I need to do this."

"Sasuke, you aren't ready for the Chunin Exams. You have no idea what it's like. You could die. It's terrifying, and you're so young."

"I'm not young, and I'm not the only one taking it. All the other rookies are too."

"I can't –"

"Kokoa, you always try to protect me from things, and I get it, especially when I was younger. You worry, and I get annoyed sometimes, but I know you have good intentions; it's because you care, but you can't protect me from everything."

"I can try," she said sadly.

"It's impossible. I need to take this. I can't let my team down. I have to become a chunin. I have to get stronger. How else will I get revenge if I'm stuck as a Konoha genin?" he snapped. 

"Revenge?" she whispered, blinking in surprise. In her heart, Kokoa knew Sasuke resented Itachi and wished his brother would pay for the lives he took. It was expected, but this was the first time Sasuke admitted to wanting revenge. He made sure to keep the fact from her, not wanting to upset or worry her, but that wasn't the case anymore. He was growing in height and in power. He decided years ago that his purpose was to avenge his clan and destroy Itachi.

"You can't keep holding me back," he stated.

"Holding you back? From what?"

"From getting stronger."

"From throwing your life away, maybe."

"How can you say that? Why are you so surprised, Kokoa? He took everything from me! Stood over the dead bodies of my parents like they meant nothing! He left me alone to suffer and torment. As the last Uchiha, my goal – my purpose is to avenge my clan, to make him pay for what he did! It always has been. This is my destiny."

"Your destiny? So you're just on this power trip, doing everything and anything to get stronger so you can kill your brother? Then what? You come back and pretend everything's ok again? Well guess what, it won't be. You are willing to leave your friends, to leave me and go after him? He hasn't come back for you. Why open that door, Sasuke?" She bit her lip, not liking the way he spoke.

"Just because I haven't seen him in years doesn't mean his sins have been erased. I will get stronger, I will find Itachi, and I will kill him. It's what I have to do, what I want to do. He should have killed me that night, but he didn't. He destroyed my life and he abandoned you. I'm doing this for you too, Kokoa. He has to pay."

"You don't have to do this, Sasuke. You should grow as a shinobi, but not to throw your life away for revenge! You sound crazy."

"You're telling me not to avenge my clan, and I'm the crazy one?" He gave her a look. "Why are you so against it?"

"You'll get hurt, and it won't change anything in the end. They'll still be dead, and it'll be just the two of us."

"Still, Kokoa, someone has to pay. I made my decision a long time ago."

"Why wait until now to tell me?" she whispered, leaning back into the couch.

"I thought you knew. It's obvious, isn't it?"

"Still…"

"You can't stop me, Kokoa. If you care, if you understand any of my pain, you won't get in the way. You mean everything to me. You have been there, you have cared for me, you have given me everything, and I am so thankful, but revenge is something I need more than any of that stuff," he explained, on the edge of his seat. She gazed off to the side, not saying anything.

"Is there some other reason you don't want me doing this?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Like what?" she said coolly, careful not to show the panic in her voice or eyes.

"I don't know, you just seem so against it."

"I just don't want to lose you, Sasuke."

"If there's something else, tell me, since we're being honest."

"There's nothing, Sasuke. I just don't want you to walk the path of revenge. It will destroy you."

"He destroyed me a long time ago. The damage is done. I can only go up from here."

"Sasuke…" She turned away again. Did he suspect? Did he know that she still loved Itachi; that the thought of his death, especially at Sasuke's hands, was unbearable? Did he know that she would do anything to keep him from achieving his revenge, at least until she was able to speak to Itachi and get the answers she's yearned for, and that she'd delay it even after then? Kokoa kept the picture of her and Itachi safe, nestled between the pages of a book and stuffed in a dark corner of the house. She kept the Uchiha crest pendant in a locket she found on her journey home from a mission years ago, so that she could tell herself she still wore his necklace in a way.

While she truly was worried for Sasuke's safety, she also didn't want Itachi dying; not yet. Kokoa worked hard to move on. She worked hard to put up this act, this face for the elders, for the villagers, for Sasuke. She was detached, split off, numb. She rarely got involved, but like revenge was Sasuke's purpose in life, Kokoa's was to hear Itachi's truth.

 

"Kakashi, please. Kakashi-san, you have to listen to me."

"Kokoa, Sasuke is old enough to make his own decisions."

"But he's not old enough to realize the consequences."

"Even if he wasn't bent on revenge, he would eventually have to take the exams to move forward in ranks. He's a shinobi. You took the exams."

"Yeah, I know how awful they are. If he dies…"

"Kokoa, Sasuke is part of a team now. He has to think of his comrades. If he doesn't sign up, then the others won't be allowed to take it. It's all about teamwork right now. The exam would do them some good, considering their teamwork has been pure shit since the Land of Waves. Sasuke is growing, and I know that scares you. You've been by him since he was a child. You've seen him grow and change. You understand his pain. It's ok to be worried, to be afraid, but you can't stop him from progress. You shouldn't be the one who stops him."

"The more he progresses, the closer he gets to that power he's so fixated on. I figured he'd want revenge, but he never mentioned it up until now. All these years he's been feeding that darkness in his heart; giving into that hatred. I know the real Sasuke is still there, but once he gets that power…I'm afraid he'll be lost. What happens after revenge? Nothing. Just emptiness." She held herself, staring to the side with sad eyes.

"Knowing you, this isn't about Sasuke only, is it?" he inquired.

"Please don't –"

"We're having this conversation, Kokoa. In order to help you, I need to know all of it. This is about  _him_ , isn't it? If Sasuke keeps growing and gets stronger, he will confront Itachi. He will do everything in his power to kill his brother. You can't accept that, can you?" He lowered his voice.

"It's been years, Kakashi-san, since I've seen his face and heard his voice. So many dark, painful, lonely years. I had Sasuke, but he couldn't hold me like Itachi. He couldn't comfort me the way I needed. The night before the massacre, Itachi confronted me. He started saying we couldn't be together, it wouldn't work, that he had responsibilities to his clan. He ended our relationship, and as I turned to leave, I took what turned out to be my final glance at him, and there was something in his eyes, Kakashi.

I don't know if it was regret, sadness, anger, irritation, relief. I don't know, but there was something. Then the next morning everyone was dead. I'm not saying he didn't kill the clan. He told Sasuke he did. He showed him. I can't deny that his hands were drenched in the blood of his kin, but there has to be a reason other than to test his abilities. Was he set up? Abandoned? Played? Was there a deal? Was he in some trouble? I need to know his story."

"What makes you think he'll tell you?"

"I don't know what he'd do if we met, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up."

"You could end up in a lot of trouble with Konoha and with Itachi. If he turns out to be the murderer everyone's made him out to be, he will kill you without batting an eye, Kokoa."

"He could have killed me that night."

"He could have killed Sasuke too, but he didn't. That doesn't mean anything. If you confront him, who's to say he won't make sure you never get in his way? If he cared, he'd at least tell you something, Kokoa."

"What are getting at?"

"That sometimes even those who give in to darkness, to evil, have something or someone precious to them. Even villains can have their own form of sick love. If Itachi loved you, don't you think he would have taken you with him, or at least given you the choice?"

"I…" She rubbed her arm, sighing deeply. "Regardless, all those years ago, I promised Itachi I would protect his younger brother if anything ever happened to him, even if it means saving Sasuke from his own darkness. I also promised Uchiha Shisui and Itachi that I would be by his side no matter what. Although Itachi never heard me say it, I promised to always love him. I can't walk away, not until I get the answers. Perhaps I'll settle down once I get some closure, but right now I need this."

"And here I thought you might have changed a bit over time. You're still the same, Kokoa," he sighed.

"It was an act, Kakashi. Someone as elite as you surely would have seen right through it, no?"

"Maybe I wanted to believe that you had moved on a bit. Even if I'm harsh at times, I'm just looking out for you Kokoa. You need to be careful, especially around the Hokage, Danzo, and elders."

"I know. Believe me, I know. I bet it wouldn't be as bad if they were off my case," she sighed. "Do you know what it's like to be bound to someone? To have yourself and your actions judged because of the mistakes of another?"

"I have some idea," he said, adjusting his mask. She blinked, realizing he meant his father.

"That's right, you do."

"No worries. I know what you were getting at. Look, even if I did try persuading Sasuke, it wouldn't work. He won't even listen to you. Why in the hell would he take my advice? He's got his mind set on something, and once Sasuke does that, there's no stopping him. The most you can do is be there for him when he needs you, and if the time ever comes, you will worry about it then. You carry enough pain and guilt. Don't add all this anxiety and worry to the mix, Kokoa. Just let him take the exam and grow with Naruto and Sakura."

"Hai…arigato, Kakashi-san."

"Yeah, yeah. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a book to finish," he smirked.

"Hn, fine, fine."

"Oh, I forgot to mention that while I was at the Hokage's building earlier, I overheard that you might be assigned a mission. This would be your first one in months, right?"

"Yes. Seriously? It's been so long since I've left the village. I hope you heard right."

"I hope it goes well. Let me know if you end up leaving. Sayonara for now, Kokoa." Poof!

"A mission? Finally. I can finally get out of this place."

 

"Ho? A new assignment. Some action at last, Itachi-san. To the Land of Fire. Think you'll see any old acquaintances?"

"I doubt it," he replied, raising his collar.

"I'm sure it'd be fun to see some friends and how much you've all changed." Kisame peered over, hoping for some reaction. Nothing."Still, it's good to get back out there after being cooped up at the base for ages. Let's take our time on this little adventure, Itachi-san."

"I agree. We can finally get out of this place."


	29. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while for this update. I'll try to get them out a bit sooner.

Kokoa wandered the streets, doing anything to avoid heading back home. Sasuke had been irritable ever since their argument over the Chunin Exam. She eventually gave in. He could take it. She didn't understand why he was still so upset. If anyone had the right to be upset, it was her. She was only looking out for his wellbeing. That's all Kokoa ever did. But Sasuke knew that. He knew she cared and worried. So why then was he so annoyed? Deep in her heart Kokoa feared the worst; that Sasuke knew about her feelings for Itachi. All these years Kokoa put on this act and pretended she had turned her back on the older Uchiha, but…was Sasuke beginning to see through that act now that he was older?

Rubbing her face out of frustration, she failed to see the person heading her way. Clash! She hit the ground.

"Sorry," she mumbled, rising to her feet.

"No, it was my faul – Kokoa?"

"Eh?" She looked up. Her eyes darkened.

"It's…it's been a while."

"What do you want, Ryuuji?" she spat, dusting herself off.

"Nothing, nothing. Sorry for running into you I guess." He shrugged. She remained silent, staring off to the side.

"How have you been?"

"Are you serious?" Her eyes snapped over.

"What?"

"How have I been? How do you think!" She crossed her arms.

"I...I haven't seen you around much. I sometimes see Sasuke. I hear he's taking the Chunin Exam. He grew up pretty fast," he chuckled. She stared with dull eyes, not amused. He fell quiet.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

"Why aren't I saying anything? Because I have nothing to say to you, Ryuuji."

"Kokoa…I know I was harsh years ago, but hear me out –"

"Why? You didn't hear me out. All you did was take advantage. You pushed your way into my life, gave me no choice but to be with you, and when you found out the truth you laughed at me. You humiliated me; spit in my face! You treated me like garbage! Like I wasn't a person. The way you looked at me, the tone in your voice, the way you ripped the chain from my neck…you belittled me, looked down on me. Why should I hear you out? Why am I even here?" She turned on her heels, fuming, on the verge of tears.

 

 

She ended up sitting in the shade beneath a large tree; back against the trunk, knees to her chest, chin on her knees. Exhaling deeply, she blew a few strands of hair from her eyes.

"Why the long face?"

"Hm?" She glanced over, surprised to see the boy.

"It's a pretty tree, but you look really bummed out to be enjoying it."

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"You know my name?" he pointed to himself.

"Of course. You're Sasuke's teammate and Kakashi-san's student. You're quite popular."

"Really?" He walked over.

"Doesn't always mean it's a good thing though," she grinned.

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, since you know who I am, I think it's only fair to tell me your name." He took a seat across from her, sitting pretzel style.

"Me? Hm, I don't know. I don't like giving out my name. I am a shinobi after all. It's quite dangerous to do that."

"Oh come on. It's me!"

"Kuroki. Kuroki Kokoa."

"Hmm, that's pretty," he said, nodding his head. She smiled warmly at the blond.

"I see you a lot, especially with Sasuke. My friend, Sakura-chan, has been dying to know who you are. We've been seeing you with Sasuke a lot. At first we thought you were a friend, but you always check on him, and the other day you went out for dinner. We're kind of confused. And Kakashi-sensei doesn't really tell us anything," he pouted.

"Yeah, he is pretty useless," she chuckled. "I'm just…an old friend."

"Just an old friend? Even I can see there's more to it. Are you two…" He winked.

"I'm a bit old for him, don't you think, Naruto?"

"Hey, I don't know. Sasuke's weird like that!" His laughter faded as he spotted the sadness in her eyes; the sadness he knew all too well.

"So what's bothering you, Kokoa-chan?"  
"Nothing really."

"Again, even I can see something's up. I'm a really good listener," he urged. It was hard to say no to such an innocent face.

"Sasuke and I got into an argument. He's upset with me. Then I just met someone from my past and it really didn't help my mood."

"Sasuke's a jerk. Forget him."

"Well…it was partly my fault. I pushed him, but…"

"Still. He's a jerk. I know. I have to work with the guy."

"I'm the one who has to live with him."

"Nani? You – you live with him? Together?"

"Yeah. Long story."

"I have time."

"Huh?"

"I have time. Even though you said you're a friend, I still don't know anything about you. You're still upset too, so I'm listening."

"Naruto…"

"I'm waiting."

"Alright, alright, BUT you cannot repeat any of this."

"Hm?"

"Everyone has secrets and a past. My life took a bad turn and it hasn't gotten any better. I still struggle with myself and with Sasuke. I'm begging you, Naruto, do not repeat any of this to anyone, not Kakashi, not Sasuke, no one. Please. Getting it off my chest would feel so good right now, but I need to know I can trust you. I feel that I can. There's something about you, but I need to hear it from you."

"Your secret is safe with me, Kokoa-chan. I may seem loud and hyper all the time, and I am, but I know when to keep quiet. Besides, I like you. I'll keep your secret."

"Arigato, Naruto," she smiled, ruffling his hair. "How much do you know about Sasuke's past?"

"When we first met he talked about killing someone and restoring his clan. I later found out he meant his older brother. He killed the clan and left Sasuke. That's all I know really."

"I see. Well I was a friend years ago before it even happened. I was involved with…I was seeing Sasuke's brother." She stared at her hands as she spoke.

"You were?" He looked up in surprise.

"He was always busy with work, more than I was, but we always tried to be together. We made time. Everything was fine until his best friend died…Shisui…and then Itachi broke it off with me. The next day Sasuke is in the hospital and I find out what happened. He told Sasuke what happened. He showed him with his sharingan. He said he did it to test his abilities, but…"

"You don't believe it."

"I loved him, Naruto. He saved me. He was my friend. He looked out for me, gave me confidence, made me smile. He was my everything and then he just left. He killed those people. I can't deny that, but I just…it doesn't feel right. Maybe it's denial. Maybe I'll never be able to accept the fact he left and didn't take me with him, but maybe I'm right and something's going behind the scenes. Anyways, because of that, I've been a suspect. Villagers, shinobi, and even the Hokage think I was involved, that I killed everyone, so living here in Konoha has been tough ever since. Being judged and labeled, whispered about, looked down upon, spoken rudely to. I'm sure you know what it's like, no?"

"Hu?"

"Being a jinchuuriki and all."

"You know?"

"Hai. I never thought I would be able to say it, but I feel your pain, Naruto. I understand. It isn't your fault that you're the host of the Kyuubi, and it isn't mine that Itachi left, but –"

"We'll always be judged. We'll always be held responsible."

"When he left, I didn't want anyone taking Sasuke in or moving him from home to home. He was a precious friend and Itachi's little brother. I took him in. We were there for each other. That's why we live together. We both loved Itachi."

"Not so much anymore. At least on Sasuke's part. I can't really blame him though. Still, he doesn't have to be a jerk about it," he pouted.

"Sasuke thinks he's cool and elite, but he's not," she laughed. "He's sweet. He really is, to me at least. He's just…he doesn’t like showing emotion or letting go in front of others. He's also very competitive. But remember, Naruto, no matter how much he yells, or whatever names may call you, he has a good heart, and he cares about you."

"Nani!?"

"Hn, believe it or not, Sasuke likes you. He likes fighting with you, and competing, and proving he's better, but he doesn't hate you. He acknowledges you."

"Hmmm…"

"He always talks about you. Good and bad, but you're always on his mind. You're his best friend. It's a sick, almost abusive friendship, but it's friendship nonetheless," she smiled warmly. "I'm glad he has you. You're a sweet boy who dreams big. I like that. Keep an eye on Sasuke for me. Sometimes I feel like his mother, and well, I'm not."

"You got it. I'll keep that jerk in line!"

"Good! Thank you for listening, Naruto. I feel better. I just needed someone who understands."

"Mhm!"

"Because you've been so kind, I think I owe you."

"Ramen!?"

"Ichiraku?"

"Is there any other place? Come on, Kokoa-chan." Grabbing her hand, he pulled her to her feet and dragged her off to the busy streets.

 

  
"Kokoa, good, you've arrived."

"I was a bit surprised when you assigned me a mission, Hokage-sama," she commented.

"Mm, well yes, it has been a while, but you're good for this type of mission: gathering information."

"Where's the rest of the team?" She crossed her arms.

"Just me," a dark haired boy said. She glanced over.

"You'll be meeting up with another team halfway through. One of their members will join your squad while the others return to the village. Simple mission, but important," Sarutobi explained.

"We should probably head out."

"You're right," she agreed with her teammate.

"Be careful, and do well," the Hokage encouraged.

"Please look after Sasuke," Kokoa said softly. Nodding, he smiled, trying to hide the sadness in his eyes.

 

 

Zooming through trees, he looked over to her, a bit intrigued.

"Since we're working together, shouldn't you know my name?" he inquired. Catching up to him,

"How do you know I don't already know?" Kokoa stated.

"We haven't worked together."

"I haven't worked with the first Hokage, but I know he's Hashirama," she said dully. To be honest, she was getting a kick out of being so snarky.

"Excuse me." He shook a finger.

"What is your name then?"

"Nagakura Takashi."

"I'm –"

"I know who you are," he interrupted. "Kuroki Kokoa. I've heard a lot about you," he cooed, shaking midnight hair from his golden eyes.

"You have? Wonderful," she mumbled, turning away.

"Mmm. Three years younger than me. A jonin. Specialized in tai-jutsu. A suspect and possible contributor to the Uchiha massacre committed by none other than the Uchiha Itachi. Oh yes, I know a little about you."

"Look, I don't –"

"You've got balls. Guts."

"What?" she said in surprise.

"You're pretty hard for staying in Konoha. Haven't they driven you away yet? It's been a while."

"They drove me away a long time ago, but this is my home. I have nowhere else to go, no one to see."

"Well.." he smirked, referring to Itachi.

"You aren't going to criticize and lecture me?" she sighed.

"Whether you were involved in the Uchiha massacre or not isn't any of my business. As long as I'm alive, that's all that matters. We all have issues and things to deal with. If you did have a part, I'm sure you have some messed up reason."

"I wasn't though."

"No one believes you. Even I'm not sure if I do," he teased. "In all seriousness though, they still talk."

"Don't you think I know that? I still get visits from ANBU. My life is one big mess."

"All because of one boy."

"What do you know about it?" she scoffed.

"I'm older than you, remember? Everyone knew of Itachi, of his level, his skill, his status as an Uchiha. And wherever Itachi was, so were you."

"What's your point?"

"He was important to you, and now that he's gone you find it hard to be happy, to move on."

"You're wrong. I forgot about him a long time ago. He ruined everything. Why would I care?" she lied. She had to lie. What if this Takashi was told to keep an eye on her? To get some information? She wouldn't risk it. Kokoa worked hard to ease some of the pressure from the Hokage and others. She couldn't go back.

"I'm wrong? So he meant nothing to you?"

"I didn't say that."

"Don't beat around the bush, Kokoa," he chuckled. "No big deal. I've been with my share of messed up chicks, although none of them slaughtered their family."

"You think this is some joke? That Sasuke losing his parents and me being ostracized by the village is some joke?" she spat.

"No. The joke is the fact you claim to have forgotten him."

"Why do you care so much?"

"You've changed. When you were with Itachi you were always so happy, so involved, and proud to be with him. The same with his brother. Now Sasuke is…well he's pissed and vicious, but you…you're not angry."

"I'm not?" she sighed, tired of the subject.

"Nope. You're sad."

 

 

"Hey, you're not upset, are you?"  
"Over?"

"Me picking on you like that earlier."

"It's fine. I've had worse."

"I mean I was curious, but I wasn't trying to make you feel like dirt, Kokoa."

"I appreciate it, Takashi. Thank you."

"How much worse was it? The harassment."

"It's always been bad, but one incident stood out the most. I tried getting over it because you know, it isn't that big of a deal, but…it hurt," she whispered as they walked.

"Hold that thought. We're meeting the other team up ahead. Let's get it over with."

"Alright."

"Yo. Which one of you is tagging along with us?" he inquired, brushing a few strands of hair behind his ear.

"Nagakura Takashi? The other team. Ryuuji, they're here for you. That means we get to head home. Finally!" a blond chunin cried. Kokoa's face hardened. Her eyes darkened. Everything about her changed. Glancing between her and Ryuuji, it hit him.

"I take it he was the one who hurt you?" Takashi whispered. She shifted her gaze to the ground.

"As troublesome as it may be, if he does piss you off, let me know. I could enjoy knocking some heads around," he snickered. "Yosh! Let's get this done. I have people and things waiting for me back at home." Takashi started off with his fists coolly jammed into his pockets. Kokoa followed, eyes never leaving the ground. Ryuuji sighed before heading off as well.

 

 

"I'm exhausted. When are we going to stop?"

"You're a shinobi for God's sake," Takashi scoffed. "Buuut, see that inn up ahead? We'll crash there for the night, and start fresh tomorrow. Then we can get this over with. I like an easy mission from time to time, but now I'm just bored," he yawned.

"I meant stop for like thirty minutes just to eat. Isn't it too early for an inn?" Ryuuji argued.

"We'll be fine. Besides, I'm in charge."

"Says who? We don't have a captain. It's only three of us."

"Kokoa, do you have a problem with me leading?"

"Nope."

"Ryuuji, I'm officially the captain. Now let's goho. The streets are crowded."

 

  
"I didn't think we could get away walking around so casually, but perhaps these crowded streets are the perfect cover. Lucky us. I must say, I am a bit tired. I bet one of those inns would be cozy, don't you think, Itachi-san?"

"I doubt staying somewhere public is a good idea, Kisame-san"

"Oh, it isn't, but it'd be relaxing," he grinned. "If we can't stay at a nice place, we can at least get some nice food."

"I don't see a problem with that…as long as you don't make a scene."

"Me? Make a scene? Nonsense, Itachi."

 

  
"You never filled me in on the mission details. I know it's basic, but I was only told that I'd join you," Ryuuji said. Kokoa turned her face.

"Come on. You can't still be angry."

"I'm not angry, Ryuuji. You just have no value in my life. You're nothing to me, so stop thinking you can win my friendship and forgiveness with your empty words and fake kindness. You humiliated me, and told me I was garbage. If I'm that much a freak, of a monster to you, then don't waste your time with me. Like you said, I'm better off alone."

"Don't cause a scene, you two. Honestly…" Takashi sighed, rubbing his face. "If you were smart, you'd lay off before she kills you. Have some respect, or take a hint at least, jeez."

"Whatever…so mission details?"

"Retrieve info, scroll, crap. Not much to it really."

"We aren't looking for anyone or tracking suspicious behavior?"

"Why? In the mood for a fight?"

"Just curious. Also, I noticed a pair of oddly dressed men. Not sure if they're shinobi or not. I can't sense their chakra. Either they aren't shinobi, or they're doing a damn good job hiding the fact," Ryuuji explained. Kokoa, who had walked off ahead, returned to her team, wondering what was going on.

"Which ones?" Takashi questioned.

"What is it?" she sighed.

"He just said he saw two weirdoes and is being paranoid."

"I'm serious. You'd be lying if you said you didn't get a strange vibe from them," Ryuuji argued.

"I didn't say I disagreed. I just don't care. If they want to wear strange cloaks with little red clouds on them, then go ahead. Express yourself."

"Little red clouds…" Kokoa calmly scanned the street. At this point no one was too familiar with Akatsuki, their appearance, or their motives, save for Jiraiya and Orochimaru of course. While the two Akatsuki members were suspicious indeed, the Konoha team had no reason to worry. They had no idea Akatsuki existed. Besides, none of the three were expecting to see any familiar faces.

 

"Dessert? No proper dinner? Always breaking the rules, Itachi-san."

"Nothing wrong with a treat."

"You do love your dango after all," his partner chuckled.

 

"Yup, those guys," Takashi said, noticing Kokoa's gaze on them. "I'm not in the mood for trouble, and it isn't in our mission requirements, so can we please get to this inn? I'm sleepy."

"We should eat first," Ryuuji stated.

"I could go for some snacks. Dango sounds good," Kokoa said as she started to leave.

"Oh no. Check in and rest first. Food later. Let's go."

"Ok, but I need to hit the shops and buy something. Sasuke's birthday is coming up."

"Sure, fine, whatever. Later though."

 

  
"I wish something exciting would happen."

"Have anything in mind, Kisame-san?"  
"Just some action. A brawl. Meeting an old friend."

"Why do you keep bringing that up?"  
"I remember how you acted years ago when we happened upon a ragtag team of Konoha ninja. Just curious how much you've changed, Itachi."

"I turned my back long ago. I no longer have ties with Konoha or anyone in it."

"I believe you. Still…I'm curious. Well, it can't be helped. All we can do is eat and enjoy the pretty lights." The sun had started to set, and several shops and stands lit candles and lanterns. Leaning back, Itachi stared out into the street; the exact spot Kokoa stood only minutes ago.


	30. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #30

"You got him a shirt?" Takashi gave her a look.

"Sasuke hates when I make a big deal about his birthday. It's just something he can wear when he isn't training. He likes clothes," Kokoa explained.

"I guess it's the thought that matters," he shrugged. "Are we about ready to head back?"

"Just one more thing."

"Ugh, women…" He shook his head. She jogged across the street to the small dango shop Itachi and Kisame had visited the day before. She always loved dango, but it was so much more than food. It was his favorite; the treat she'd buy boxes of to surprise him with. It was a part of him. Taking a bite, she couldn't help but think of him, not that Kokoa ever forgot Uchiha Itachi in the first place.

 

"You seem distracted, Itachi-san. We didn't even do much this outing."

"I'm not distracted."

"You're thinking about something."

"It's nothing, Kisame-san."

"You're a strange creature, even for Akatsuki. One of these days I'll figure you out."

"Hn, but not today," he smiled slightly.

"I suppose not," he grinned, walking off with Samehada dragging behind him. Itachi sighed, blowing a strand of hair from his eyes. How could he tell? How could he tell Kisame that his heart nearly leapt from his chest? Yes, he had sensed her that day, Kokoa. He wasn't able to set eyes on her, but he felt her. She was there, and all he could do was hide in the shadows.

 

  
"For you."

"What's this?" Sasuke questioned, taking the package from her.

"A gift. Birthday gift. I know it was a few days ago," Kokoa said. "I didn't mean to make you angry –"

"You worry about me. I get it. I was the ass for getting so worked up about it," he interrupted. She blinked in surprise.

"You didn't have to get me anything, Kokoa."

"I wanted to. It's nothing big anyway."

"Arigato. Oh. Before I open it though, there's something I want to show you. Put your shoes on."

"My shoes?"

"Just hurry up."

"Hai, Hai."

 

"Sasuke, where are we going? I look like a mess."

"You're fine. Stop complaining." He took her hand, dragging her along. Eventually, they climbed up a set of stairs belonging to one of the apartment complexes.

"Are we visiting someone?"

"Hn, you know I hate people," he smirked, pulling out a key. Pushing the door open, he let her step in first.

"Well…go ahead. Look." He nudged her. Kokoa gaped at the empty space. "You like?"

"It's awesome. The windows. The kitchen!" She ran over. "Why are you showing me this, Sasuke?"

"It's yours. Well, ours," he shrugged.

"Nani?"

"You've given me everything and more. From the moment we met, all you have done is encourage me, make me laugh, and support me. I remembered you said your current place felt cramped. Even before you mentioned it, I noticed it too. We're older. We need space."

"Sasuke…"

"I've been saving up for a while now, enough for a good down payment, that way the rent won't be that bad even though it's a bigger place," he explained. Kokoa stood there, speechless.

"It's also a gift because of the way I lose it sometimes. I tend to overreact."

"You? Never," she chuckled, walking over. "You really planned this out?"

"It's nothing," he pouted, turning his face.

"It's something, Sasuke. Arigato." She pulled him close, surprising him.

"You're hugging me…"

"I'm the only one who can, right?" she whispered.

"No."

"Be quiet, Sasuke." She pulled away. "Thank you."

"Ah."

"This is exciting! But! Let's head back for now. I have a small cake for you. We can talk about packing and everything later," she smiled, putting a hand on his head. He nodded, heading back home with her. It was good…to see her smile. Knowing it was because of him, well it pleased Sasuke. He would do anything for her.

 

"You really should relax."

"I can't."

"He's fine. The second exam is just about over, Kokoa."

"Kakashi-san…Sasuke's going to die," she sobbed dramatically.

"Shush."

"I can't sit around."

"So you want to go and take the exam for him?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Henge no jutsu," she said with a wink. "I'm serious…the forest…I've been there. I know. He's strong, but…I'm not sure."

"Well it's too late now."

"Kakashi! He's your student."

"I know," he grinned. "Why don't you show me your new apartment? You finished moving in yesterday, right?"

"Oh…oh yeah. First guest. Why not?" she smiled, leading him off. She needed to focus on something else, and Kakashi made sure of it. Worrying over Sasuke would drive her mad.

  
Kokoa moved into her new apartment thinking she and Sasuke would enjoy the first few days together, unpacking and picking rooms; however, Sasuke landed himself in the hospital after the preliminary stage. Sadly that wasn't the worst of it. During the second exam, the young Uchiha found himself targeted by the one and only Orochimaru. Tormented psychologically and suffering from the excruciating pain his new curse mark caused, Sasuke was a mess. Kokoa found herself visiting him a few times a day. Seeing him, even if asleep, relieved her. In fact in many cases that was the reason she went, to watch him. He was so at peace, so innocent.

One day Kokoa stepped into his room only to find that Sasuke and his belongings were gone.

"Sasuke?" She checked the closet, beneath the bed, the bathroom, and the halls. He was gone.

"Sasuke. Have you seen him? Uchiha Sasuke?" she asked the first nurse to walk by. The medic furrowed her brow.

"I heard he disappeared not too long ago."

"Any idea where? Do you know who went into his room?"

"I'm not sure. I'm not in charge of the records."

"Tsk…" shaking her head, she bolted through the hospital's front doors. What if the person who left the curse mark was after him again? What if everyone who wanted to fight him was after him? Rock Lee had his eye on Sasuke, wanting to prove that hard work could defeat a genius. All of Otogakure watched him with shifty eyes. Let's not forget Sungakure's jinchuuriki, Sabaku no Gaara. He and Sasuke had taken a rather strange interest in each other. Kokoa didn't have a problem with what Gaara was, but if he tried anything…

"Why am I always the last to hear about things?" she mumbled, walking up to her apartment. A note caught her eye, wedged between the door.

  _Dear Kokoa,_

_Knowing you, you're probably freaking out right now about Sasuke. Let me assure you, everything is under control. He's fine. In fact, he's with me. With only a little while left until the final exam, I've decided to put him through some rigorous training. So before you have a heart attack, relax. He's safe with me. We'll see you at the third exam._

_Sayonara,_

_Hatake Kakashi_

"That bastard, Kakashi," she spat, crumpling the paper. "He could have warned me ahead of time. Still…" She sighed in relief, glad he was someone she trusted.

"I just hope you're all right, Sasuke. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I let anymore bad things happen to you." Stepping inside, she shut the door behind her and began preparing dinner for one.

 

  
"A mission? Now? But the last stage of the exam starts tomorrow morning. I can't miss Sasuke. I've been waiting for this!"

"We need someone, and you're one of the only jonin who isn't monitoring or participating in the exams, Kokoa."

"Hokage-sama, I understand, but there must be someone else. I have to stay to see Sasuke. After all that's happened to him…and he's worked so hard these past weeks. If I'm not there, he'll be devastated. I'm the only family he's got!"

"I wonder why."

Kokoa narrowed her eyes at the very same Root member that came to visit her every once in a while.   
"Don't start with me. This has nothing to do with that. Sasuke is in the exams, fighting Suna no Gaara. I have to see this. Please, Hokage-sama," she pleaded.

"We're stretched thin as it is. Of the available jonin, you are the most qualified."

"You go weeks without assigning me anything, but now you suddenly need me?"

"Kokoa –"

"Sasuke is everything to me, and he's about to fight the biggest fight of his life in front of a massive audience. You won't let me see him?"

"Kokoa…" Sarutobi sighed. The ANBU smirked behind his mask. "You have to go. Will you go against my word?"

"But I…" she fell silent, staring at her shoes. As a shinobi of Konoha, she had no choice. She took the mission information from him before making her way to the door.

"You know, Hokage-sama, I used to look up to you." She turned half way to look at him. "You always had my back. You encouraged me. I worked hard for you because you were one of the few who acknowledged my abilities, but the second something bad happened, the second everyone turned on me, so did you."

He remained quiet, watching her with sad eyes.

"I thought that out of everyone that maybe you at least would hear me out. That you'd believe me or help me prove my innocence. I thought you would believe in me like you did while I was making my way up through the ranks as a ninja, but you didn't! You turned away and let everyone talk and whisper like I'm an enemy of Konoha. I'm not. You know I'm not! But I guess that doesn't matter when it comes to politics and secrets, does it?" She shook her head.

"Sarutobi-sama, you are Sandaime. You are the Third Hokage; the leader, the top shinobi of Konoha. We look up to you. We follow you. And you, you depend on us. You believe in us. You guide us, but Hokage-sama…you failed."

He furrowed his brow at her comment. Looking up, Kokoa met his gaze with hurt and sorrow in her eyes.

"You failed me." With that, she exited the room, leaving a distraught Hiruzen.

 

Kokoa tried finishing her mission early in order to make it in time for Sasuke's match; however, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't.

"He's probably already done by now. I wonder if he won. It's possible. It is Sasuke; an Uchiha, and Kakashi trained him, but…he was against a jinchuuriki, against Gaara. Hell, he could be dead." She came to a stop, terrified by that possibility.

"Sasuke!" She sprinted back to Konoha with everything in her. Sarutobi would get his mission report later. She finished the mission, that's all that mattered. Right now Sasuke was the only thing pushing Kokoa, that and her promise to Itachi.

 

She arrived to Konoha only to find the destruction, death, and chaos brought upon by Orochimaru and his men. Bodies everywhere, and blood. Crumbling buildings, smoke, and fire. She had missed Sasuke's match. She had missed the destruction of Konoha. After frantically asking for information about what happened and where Sasuke was, she ended up rushing through the forest, knowing he had followed the Suna siblings to finish what they started.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Her feet hit hard. Then it happened. She saw him, Sasuke, standing beside a worn out Naruto.

"Sasuke!" she managed through gasps. He turned, stunned to see her.

"Kokoa –"

"Sasuke! What – what's going on?"

"Hey, calm down. It's over." He took her hands, assuring her everything was fine. She glanced down at Naruto.

"He's exhausted. Don't even try waking him," he commented, nudging the blond with his foot. "We were attacked. I tried finishing that guy off, but my curse mark acted out," he sighed. "Luckily Naruto came and took him out."

"Took him out?" She peered out over Sasuke's shoulder, spotting a defeated Gaara. They locked eyes for a moment. Suddenly Temari and Kankuro landed beside their brother.

"Don't," Kokoa warned Sasuke, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He won't do any more harm. Leave them."

The siblings lifted Gaara and escaped before any more trouble followed. Sasuke dropped to his knees, clawing at his neck.

"It's that bad?" she whispered, eyeing the curse mark. "I tried getting back as fast as I could. If only I was here. They had to send me on a stupid low rank mission. I should have been here with you. I should have taken care of you –"

"Kokoa," he spoke, voice firm. "None of this is your fault, and you couldn't have prevented any of it. You carry enough guilt and pain. Don't take on more if you don't have to."

"But –"

"I'm fine. I'm not some kid you can protect from everything. I can take care of myself. All you've done is neglect your needs for me. Worry about yourself for once."

"What?" she fell quiet.

"You put yourself second. I'm no better than you. Sometimes you don't eat. Other times you don't sleep. You worry and lose your mind over silly things that I know I can handle, and you get in trouble trying to cover for or defend me. You're not the Kokoa I knew. You're sad, and bitter, and closed off. You're thin, and tired, and you cut your hair…"

She avoided his eyes.

"I know it's you. I know you're in there. It's just hard seeing you like this. I've always felt this way, but seeing you now worrying like this and on the verge of tears, all because of me…I hate it."

"I just…I didn't want to lose you."

"I'm right here."

"Sasuke –"

"I'm all right. You don't have to take care of me. I'll be ok."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Let's get Naruto back. The village is in chaos." He nodded, going after Sakura first. Sasuke was right.

_'What have I become? Cold and hollow, alone and bitter even though I'm surrounded by people, miserable and foolish for ever thinking you'd come back for me…Itachi.'_

 

They stepped out together, each dressed in black and solemn eyes. They came across Naruto and Sakura, also in black and headed for the same destination. Kokoa nudged Sasuke, telling him to walk with his friends. Reluctant at first, he gave in and rushed off to catch up. Kokoa walked behind them at first, but found herself making a small stop along the way. The lake. The place she and Itachi laughed and played. Where they trained and ate dango. Where he told her they couldn't be together anymore.

The death of Sarutobi Hiruzen was a loss for Konoha. While Kokoa was saddened and filled with guilt because the last words she spoke to him weren't ones of kindness, she found herself mourning her own loss; the loss of her best friend, of her mentor, of her lover. She rubbed her eyes of the tears. He was her family, her world, but he left, leaving her with nothing but a broken heart and broken little boy to care for.

 

"Hm, they were able to avoid complete destruction, but it looks like the damage was great."

"The village that has prospered like no other...has become pitiful."

"That's out of character. So even a person like you has an attachment to his home village?

"No. I don't."


	31. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for swinging by. I truly appreciate it. I'm sure you know where this is going haha I'll try to update soon, but I might let you sit with this and suffer a bit ;) Don't be shy. Leave comments if you'd like, and my Tumblr is Melkor-16 for anyone who is curious.

Kokoa jolted in bed, nearly falling off the edge. Holding her aching head, she sat up slowly, legs dangling. For some time now there had been this feeling dwelling deep inside; a feeling that something was coming. She had no clue what it meant, or why, but she could no longer ignore it. She mentioned it to Kakashi a little while back, but he assured her she was only being paranoid. So far his words rang true, but the foreboding sensation overwhelmed her, and she couldn't bear it anymore.

 

"Kokoa?"

"Yo, Sasuke," she waved, walking over to him. "What are you doing?"

"I was training. I left a note, remember? You were asleep when I left. I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh? I must have missed it."

"What are you doing?"

"I was with Naruto. I treated him to a bowl of ramen. Would you like some?" she offered.

"Naruto? Why?"

"He's sweet, and I need to ask Kakashi-san something. I figured Naruto might know where he is."

"Naruto isn't sweet."

"Yes he is. He'll lift anyone's spirit. He has a gift I think," she smiled.

"Hn."

"You're sweet too, even if I'm the only one who sees it." She pushed him playfully. "And no need to get jealous. Even though I hang out with Naruto, I still like you more. Besides, he's your best friend, not some stranger."

"He is not my best friend," he pouted, turning his face.

"Yes he is, even if you refuse to admit it. You two have each other's backs even if you're always at each other's throats. Cherish your friends, Sasuke. Uzumaki Naruto will always be there for you. I know it."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled.

"And so will I." He looked up in surprise. "Well I have to find Kakashi. Don't hurt yourself and try not to get too dirty or trash the house."

"I won't make any promises." He watched her run off.

 

 Kokoa searched high and low for Kakashi. He usually wasn't too hard to find, but today was proving to be difficult. Climbing up a building towards the balcony, she felt two people nearby.

"I haven't seen you in a while. How long has it been since you last visited the village?"

'Kakashi?' No mistaking it, that was Kakashi, but…who was he with?

"Kakashi," a deeper voice sounded. "I'm going to take care of Naruto. I believe Sandaime's decision to have you watch over him was wise, but you may not be able to deal with some things at the level you're at."

"What are you talking about?" Kakashi questioned. Kokoa scrunched her nose in thought. What was going on? Naruto? Not in the mood to sneak around and risk getting caught, she confronted them.

"I've been searching everywhere for you, Kakashi-san," she said. The two men faced her, both a bit surprised.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," she stated, staring at her shoes. She could feel the other man eyeing her.

"About?"

"That feeling I've been having. It's gotten worse, to the point where I'm barely sleeping. Kakashi-san, something is going to happen, I just don’t know what. And please don't say I'm being paranoid. This is serious."

"Kakashi, who is this?" Jiraiya spoke. She glanced at him, stepping back in surprise. She could tell by his attire exactly who he was. Word had reached her ear that the sannin was in the village during the attack on Konoha, but this was the first time she had set eyes on him.

"You – you're Jiraiya-sama," she stammered.

"Oh, honored that such a pretty lady knows my name," he smirked. "And you are?"

"Kuroki Kokoa," Kakashi replied. Jiraiya's face softened.

"So you're Kokoa? The last time I saw you or a picture of you, your hair was much longer. I didn't recognize you. Still, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman."

"So he knows too?" She gave Kakashi a sad look.

"Everyone knows, Kokoa. Even other villages know Itachi might have had a partner."

She sighed deeply.

"Not to be rude, Kokoa, but we were discussing something important," Kakashi explained.

"Right. I'm sorry." She started to leave.

"Hang on," Jiraiya stopped her. He gave Kakashi a look.

"What?"

"I think she deserves to know."

"To know what? Even I'm not sure what you were saying earlier," Kakashi sighed.

"Kokoa, stay. If you hear this from anyone it should be me."

"Hai." She approached the two.

"Back to what I was saying, after Orochimaru left the village, I monitored him. It was clear he was going to come back to the village one day. I just didn't know when. Anyway, I kept an eye on him."

Kokoa clenched her fists at that name. What was Orochimaru planning? Why Sasuke?

"But?" Kakashi gave him a look.

"He joined a certain organization."

"Organization? Any details about this so called organization?"

"I don't know the details, but it's called Akatsuki and consists of nine shinobi. They haven't done anything big until recently. As far as I know, they've just been gathering information, but the main problem is the members. Most of them are sly S-rank criminals in the bingo book, and…" He turned to Kokoa. "Itachi is one of those members."

Her heart dropped. Her stomach churned. She couldn't speak. All this time she thought Itachi had gone off to do his own thing, that he was alone not making a scene, but this? Akatsuki? An organization of S-rank criminal shinobi, ones who were wanted dead? She struggled to breathe. Kakashi looked away as she clawed at her neck, trying to catch her breath. Calming down just a bit, she stood in place, holding herself tight. She still hadn't said a word. She simply stared at her shoes, stunned.

"It's hard to believe that the nine of them are doing volunteer work," Jiraiya continued. "You should know where I'm going with this now," he turned back to Kakashi. "But Orochimaru left the organization recently, and right about that time the organization separated into teams of two and began traveling all over the place...collecting techniques and other things."

Kakashi flashed a worried look.

"Do you have any hard evidence that one of the things they're looking for is the Kyuubi?" he inquired, hesitant at first. Kokoa looked up slowly.

'Kyuubi? Naruto…'

"It's a possibility. That thing is one of the mystical monsters that possess the ultimate chakra. Kakashi, Naruto will have to start watching his back sooner or later. That's the fate he carries. You watch over Sasuke for now. You will have to teach him how to use the sharingan as well. I will raise Naruto for a while."

"Understood."

"Kokoa, you will have to let go of Sasuke," Jiraiya told her. "Although you and I haven't exactly met before, I know your story. Itachi left you and Sasuke. Being a friend of the boy and the lover of his older brother, you took Sasuke in. You cared for him, protected him, and allowed him to grow in ways he might not have been able to if he was on his own. You did well, and I'm sure he knows it, but things are moving. The times are changing."

"I can't just sit back and let you do everything. I can't let others dictate what I do or how I live. Not anymore," she bit her lip. "I'm not just some girl. That changed a long time ago. I'm involved with an Akatsuki member, and now with Orochimaru because of what he did to Sasuke. I'm not naïve. I won't sit back."

"For now you will have to. Itachi will come after Naruto. If you get involved you will have to make choices, Kokoa. Your friend, Naruto, or Uchiha Itachi? Judging by what I know from Kakashi and your reaction to the news he's in Akatsuki, you haven't really forgotten about him. Who would you choose, Kokoa? What would you do?" he pushed. She shook her head, unable to answer.

"Your silence is enough of an answer. I'm not judging or accusing you, but you shouldn't get involved. I will look after Naruto and do what I have to protect him and make sure he can take care of himself, and Kakashi is the only one who can teach Sasuke to use the sharingan properly. You have done enough for him. It's time to walk away."

"Walk away…" She threw a hand over her mouth as she broke out into soft crying. She left the men, rushing off the balcony. Looking down over the rails, Jiraiya spotted her on the ground, back against the wall. Her faint sobs could be heard. How did they expect her to just leave Sasuke, to let him go? How could she walk away from him? She knew how much it hurt. Itachi had done the same to her.

 

Kokoa spent the next few days in the house, even locked in her room for a good amount of time. Sasuke had no idea why. She wouldn't say anything, and when he asked, Kakashi said he wasn't really sure. Kokoa felt guilty. Guilty for the last thing she told Sarutobi. She was devastated. Devastated that she had to let Sasuke go. She was curious. Curious why Itachi had joined Akatsuki and what he could possibly gain from doing so.

"Kokoa? Please open the door," Sasuke pleaded while knocking. "Kokoa? It's kind of my house too. Open the door."

"Say something. Please?"

"I just need to be alone."

"What happened? No one knows, not even Kakashi. Did someone say something? Was it that Ryuuji guy? I'll kill him."

"No."

"Then what? You always squeeze things out of me and go out of your way for me."

"You don't owe me anything, Sasuke. I did it because I care."

"Then let me help because I care just as much," he stated.

"I can't. Please, just leave me be. I just need some time. I'll be alright."

"The amount of time you need isn't the main issue. The problem is that you're upset and you won't tell me why."

"I'll be ok."

"Kokoa?" He pressed an ear to the door. "Kokoa, come on." Nothing. He sighed, running a hand through his hair before leaving her like she asked. She felt even guiltier for keeping Sasuke in the dark about his brother and turning him away. The girl slowly went insane, but as bad as things seemed at the moment, there was no way to prepare for what was coming.

 

"Hm, they were able to avoid complete destruction, but it looks like the damage was great," Kisame smirked, eyeing Konoha from the top of the gate. He glanced over at Itachi.

"The village that has prospered like no other...has become pitiful."

"That's out of character. So even a person like you has an attachment to his home village?

"No. I don't." Of course that was a lie. How could Itachi ever sever the bonds he had to Konoha, to his family, to Sasuke, to Kokoa? After all this time, he still couldn't shake certain feelings, and he wondered how things would unfold as he stood there gazing out at the shattered village. He wondered if he'd cross paths with his vengeful brother. Would he set eyes on the shattered girl? He was hesitant, but Kisame was suspicious enough. He always had been. Any odd behavior would give Itachi up. He had to be cool, calm, and detached. He was part of Akatsuki after all, and Naruto was their target. They moved in.

 

Kakashi casually read his favorite book outside of a small dumpling shop, waiting for someone. Looking up, he spotted Yuhi Kurenai and Sarutobi Asuma heading his way.

"Yo, you two. My, my, you get along well," he teased.

"Idiot, don't be ridiculous. I'm only here because Anko asked me to buy her some dumplings," Kurenai pouted.

"So what are  _you_  doing here?" Asuma inquired.

"Well," he smiled, "I came here to buy an offering, and I'm meeting someone here." His gaze shifted to the two oddly dressed men sitting inside. "Sasuke, that is."

Gripping the cup, Itachi's finger twitched at his brother's name.

"Oh? It's unusual for you to wait for someone," Asuma commented. "Is the offering for Obito?"

"Something like that. And me waiting? I do it from time to time, although Sasuke should be here by now. I wonder if he's with Kokoa…"

Tilting his head, Itachi cracked his neck. Sasuke and Kokoa. Keeping his emotions in check was proving to be harder than he thought.

"Kakashi?" Sasuke approached him, a bit confused. "It's unusual for you to be here first."

"Like I said, it happens from time to time."

"I don’t like natto or sweets," the Uchiha stated, peering inside the shop. Kisame and Itachi were gone. Kakashi flashed the other two jonin a look. Catching his message, they dashed off.

"Oh, is that so?" He returned to Sasuke, who at the moment wasn't interested in snacks. Something was up, and he knew it. Kakashi watched over Sasuke now. The boy was his responsibility even if he still lived with Kokoa. Kokoa…the Copy Ninja worried. Itachi was back; right there in Konoha. He sent Asuma and Kurenai to investigate. He prayed Kokoa stayed home today. There's no telling what she'd do if word reached her hear that her beloved Itachi was back, and he couldn't begin to imagine what she would do if they met.

 

Kokoa rubbed her tired eyes as she shuffled into the kitchen for some tea. Sasuke had left to meet Kakashi, leaving her alone to wallow in her guilt and sorry. She hated feeling sorry for herself and crying over everything, but it was hard to fight. It was hard to see the good in her life. How could she? She was a suspect and a girl who lost everything. It just hurt too much. If her mother and father were around, it would have been much different. If she had friends other than Kakashi, perhaps it would have been easier to smile, but she had none of that.

She stared out the window, sipping tea every once in a while. The feeling that had been bothering her for some time now, was the worst it had ever been. Downing the last of the tea, she moved off to get dressed. Something was going to happen, she was sure. She had to be ready for whatever it was, whether Orochimaru was back for Sasuke or someone planned another attack on Konoha.

 

"You're not from this village, are you?" Asuma inquired, confronting the two Akasuki members with Kurenai by his side. "Why did you come here?"

"It's been a while, Asuma-san, Kurenai-san," Itachi spoke, face hidden by the shadow of his hat.

"If you know us you must be a former member of this village," Asuma commented. Itachi tilted the hat, revealing the sharingan. Both jonin gasped at the sight.

"Y-you're…"

He removed the hat before unsnapping the top of his cloak.

"No doubt about it. It's Uchiha Itachi," Asuma smirked. "What brings you back? Surely you aren't here for Kokoa, not after all this time. I doubt Sasuke is a priority, considering what you did to him."

"Kokoa?" Kisame repeated. "You know these people, Itachi-san? Then perhaps I should introduce myself too. Hoshigaki Kisame. Nice to make your acquaintance."

"Hn, you're not making any friends here. I'm going to eliminate you guys right here, right now." Asuma stepped back, pulling out his blades. Itachi looked past him. No sign of Sasuke or Kokoa. Was Kakashi protecting them, or was he plotting something? Sasuke attacking his brother was understandable. If he showed, Itachi wouldn't be surprised. It was part of his plan; to have Sasuke hate him and one day take him out. But Kokoa…years ago when he first left, he spotted her still wearing the Uchiha pendant. Itachi wasn't sure how she felt about him now, years later. He wanted her to hate him, to move on and not look back, but as badly as he needed it to be so, he was also afraid of it. Sasuke was his brother. They were bound by blood. No matter what, they would always be family, but Kokoa…he was afraid of how much it would hurt if the girl who loved him most turned away.

He sighed, turning his attention back to Asuma. He had no right to be afraid or sad. He did the same to her; broke her heart and turned his back. He deserved it.

"Itachi-san, it looks like you're really hated in this village," Kisame grinned.

"Itachi, you came back after what you pulled? You have guts coming here. Perhaps you have something you forgot the last time, or someone, I should say."

"Why do they keep referring to another person, Itachi-san? First it's a Kokoa, and now someone."

"It's nothing, Kisame-san. It's no one…" He met Asuma's gaze. "Asuma-san, Kurenai-san, please do not get involved in my work. I have no intention of killing you, nor am I here for the reason you think. If I was, I would have come back a long time ago," he explained, hoping they'd realize that Kokoa wasn't a part of this.

"That's not something a guy who killed his own clan members can say. Not to mention torturing your little brother. And what about Kokoa? Was she really was involved –"

"That is enough," Itachi warned.

"So if you're not here for her, what's your purpose?"

"This person is quite annoying, and keeps mentioned the same name. Shall I kill him?" Kisame smashed Samehada down before him.

"It looks like we cannot leave the village without a fight, but…don't overdo it. Your moves stand out too much," Itachi sighed. The fight began.

 

"This is it for you," Kakashi announced, holding a kunai to Itachi's throat, who at the moment hovered over Kurenai after kicking her into the water. Itachi glanced over his shoulder. Kakashi was alone. The jonin had searched everywhere for Kokoa after taking care of Sasuke, or he at least searched all the places he could before running out of time. She was nowhere to be found. He feared she would spot the commotion and come running. What a disaster it would be. He prayed she was off somewhere on her own, away from this mess.

 

 'Naruto's leaving to search for Tsunade-sama with Jiraiya-sama. Sasuke's off doing God knows what with Kakashi…' She let her shoulders fall. Jiraiya told her he was heading out soon with Naruto, knowing Kokoa had grown fond of the boy. Her stomach growled. Patting it gently, she made her way to a café for some dango.

  
'His eyes are like they were before. Then again, he is a true heir of the sharingan,' Kakashi thought, locking eyes with Itachi. Kakashi's clone faced Kisame, and just as it was about to engage in battle,

"Stop it, Kisame," Itachi called out. "If you face him head on, you'll deal with unnecessary injuries. Also, if we take too much time, more shinobi will arrive. Don't forget our purpose. You didn't come here to get hurt."

"And what exactly is this purpose of yours?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"We just came to find something we're looking for…"

Kokoa's head snapped to the source of an explosion.

"What in the hell –" She lost her balance when someone zoomed by. "Gai? Oi! Gai-san!" She ran after him, heading towards the commotion.

"Gai! Wait! What's going on?"  
"No time!" As fast as Kokoa was, Gai was faster. He was out of sight, however, that didn't stop her. She kept running.

  
"Is Sasuke what you're looking for?" Kakashi gasped, on his hands in knees. The aftereffects of the Tsukuyomi were brutal. Itachi narrowed his eyes.

"No."

"Don't tell me after all this time you're here for –"

"It isn't that either," he interrupted. Everyone was so quick to throw what he did to Kokoa in his face. However, unknown to him, when Itachi wasn't around everyone was quick to accuse and blame her.

"We're after the Fourth Hokage's legacy."

"Are you after the Kyuubi inside of him?" Kakashi pushed. "I know you aren't the only two moving around. The name of your organization was Akatsuki, right?"

"Kisame, we're taking Kakashi-san with us. Make the other two disappear," Itachi commanded. So Kakashi knew…Kisame charged, ready to take them out with one swing, when,

"Konoha Gōriki Senpū!" Gai jumped in just in time, pushing the enemy back.

"Do not underestimate him," Itachi warned his partner, studying the new Konoha ninja.

'Just as I thought…it is Itachi. This is bad. Kokoa was following me.' He noticed Kakashi fall over. He had reached his limit.

"Gai, don't look into his eyes. You'll get trapped in his gen-jutsu!" Kurenai shouted.

"I know. Fighting with Kakashi, I've learned to counter the sharingan. You can open your eyes. You just have to focus on their feet and try to predict their movements. I've picked up a few tips from Kokoa over the years whenever I asked her about it. She seems to have a pretty good idea on how to avoid it." His gaze shifted to the Akatsuki members.

"Kurenai, you take Kakashi to the hospital. Asuma, cover me. Until the ANBU reinforcements I arranged for, arrive, we will fight them."

"Interesting. You're quite daring," Kisame smirked, thirsty for a good fight. Squinting, Itachi spotted a figure rushing towards them. His eyes widened.

"Kisame, we're going to stop. We didn't come here to start a war. Fighting anymore is nonsense. We're leaving…now."

"Ah, and I was getting excited. Very well," the swordsman sighed.

Kokoa ran. The water was in view. She saw the three Konoha shinobi facing two oddly dressed men.

'Cloaks with red clouds? Akatsuki. Itachi!' She boosted her steps with chakra. 'Could it be? Is it him?' Almost there. Splash! She gasped. No doubt about it. Even though his back was turned, she knew it was him. She felt him.

"Itachi!" she screamed, bending over a bit to catch her breath.

"Oh no." Asuma sighed. The Uchiha stiffened. He began turning towards her, but stopped. He couldn't. Seeing her wasn't wise. It would throw him off, ruin everything. He took a small step before sprinting off with Kisame at his side.

"Wha – Itachi! Wait!" She started after them.

"Kokoa!" Gai grabbed her by the collar, whipping her to face him. "What are you doing?"

"I – uh…" She couldn't mess things up. She had everyone believing she was over it. For so long she had worked to perfect the mask she wore. In Gai's eyes she had forgotten Itachi.

"He hurt Kakshi, and I – I – is he after Sasuke? Where is Sasuke?"

"Sasuke's not here. But you're right, Kakashi's out. He needs medical attention." He turned to his friend. Kokoa swallowed hard. He was right there. He was right there…

'I have to find him. I'll see Kakashi to the hospital with the others, but the first chance I get, I'm going after him. I have to find Itachi. We  _will_  talk.' Glancing over her shoulder, she watched him disappear.


	32. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! I know it's been a while. Sorry about that, but something happens this chapter ;) I think it'll make up for my absence :P
> 
> I was trying to post this earlier yesterday, but was having trouble. Stupid internet and computers.
> 
> As always, I appreciate you reading and reviewing, all that jazz. Once again, thank you!

"Perhaps you can fight him evenly," Kisame commented. "But I cannot. He's too strong."

"Yes. If we both fought him, we'd both be killed. Or, in a good case, he'd be killed and we'd die along with him. Even if we had more men, that would not change."

"His caretaker is a legendary Sannin. Konoha's Uchiha clan and the Mist's Seven Shinobi Gatana seem petty before his name."

"True, but all strong opponents have a weakness."

"You have a point, Itachi. Speaking of Konoha, you have yet to tell me what everyone was talking about, or who, I should say. This Kokoa seemed to have played a role in your life before Akatsuki."

"It's nothing. She no longer matters."

"Well she must if everyone assumed you were back for her. Was  _the_  Uchiha Itachi in love before slaughtering his clan and fleeing the village?" he teased.

"She was a part of my past, someone I walked away from a long time ago like everything else. She has no place, holds no value in my life anymore."

"A bit harsh, even for you, but I see your point. I was just curious."

"Ah. Anyways, we should get going. We don't want to lose them."

"Right behind you, Itachi-san."

 

Kokoa sat impatiently with Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai, worried about Kakashi, wondering where Sasuke was, and eager to chase after Itachi before he got too far away.

"Based on how they're acting, they haven't found Naruto yet," Gai's voice brought her back to reality.

"About that, isn't something funny?" Asuma sat up on the desk in Kakashi's room. "They were already in the village. It's easy to find Naruto around the village. Itachi also knows his face-"

"Ssshh," Gai silenced him. Kokoa's eyes shifted to the door. Her next move would depend on what Sasuke decided to do.

"Kakashi?" he called out, stepping into the room. He furrowed his brow at the group sitting there. "Why's Kakashi asleep? And why are you jonin gathered here? What happened?"  
"Nothing much," Gai shrugged.

"Nothing much? He's out cold!" He spotted Kokoa. "Kokoa, what's going on? Why are you here?" he asked frantically. She opened her mouth to speak when,

"Is it true  _the_  Uchiha Itachi came back, and that he's after Naruto!?" Aoba announced, barging into the room. Asuma and Kurenai shrugged with a sigh. Gai made a face at the jonin. There goes keeping it a secret from Sasuke. Kokoa's eyes never left the young Uchiha. Itachi was back, and now she was aware of Sasuke's goal for revenge. As much as she hated it, she believed she could use it as an excuse to do something instead of sit around Kakashi's unconscious body. Sasuke stood frozen in place, eyes filled with anger and hatred; a thirst for revenge. Jolting suddenly, he pushed Aoba aside and bolted out the door. Now was her chance.

"Sasuke! Sasuke wait!" Already on her feet, Kokoa rushed out after him.

"Hey – tsk…why did it turn out like this?" Gai sighed, rubbing his face.

'He's back in the village and he's after Naruto? What is he planning?' Sasuke dashed through the village, checking the places Naruto would usually be found. Nothing.

'If Itachi gets him, Naruto is dead. I won't let that happen!'

Kokoa followed close behind. Sasuke's only goal was to find Naruto. She wasn't sure what he'd do if he spotted her, so she laid low. He had run out of Kakashi's room without saying anything to her. He was emotional, ready for this chance to get his revenge. She didn't matter at the moment. As much as Kokoa worried about what he'd do, she had her own goals as well. The first step for both Sasuke and Kokoa: locate Uchiha Itachi.

 

_  
"Ni-san? Could you teach me some shuriken techniques after school today?" Sasuke inquired. Turning his head to his brother,_

_"I am busy. Why don't you ask Father to help you?" Itachi suggested._

_"But you're better at shuriken techniques, even I can see that." He pouted. "You always treat me like a burden."_

_Lifting a hand, the elder motioned for Sasuke to come. Eager to answer his brother Sasuke rushed over, only to be greeted with a signature poke to the forehead._

_"Yuruse Sasuke, mata kondo da._   _Next time," he said kindly, staring off to the side. Sasuke noticed the strange, the almost pained expression in his brother's eyes._

_"I don't have time to play with you today," Itachi explained, rising to his feet, his back to Sasuke._

_"Hn, you always say "forgive me, Sasuke" and then flick me in the forehead." He sighed, rubbing the red mark._

_"And then "some other time" but that never happens." He fell quiet, watching Itachi leave the room._

_'Thank goodness, Ni-san is still the same.' He smiled to himself; however, it soon faded when the cracked Uchiha crest came into view._

  
'Why are these memories back? Why now?' Sasuke fought to control himself.

_  
"Amazing, Ni-san! You even hit the target behind the rock!" Sasuke exclaimed. Itachi rose to his feet, lightly dusting himself off._

_"Yosh! I'm going to try. I can do it too."_

_"Sasuke, we should head home in a minute."_

_"Not fair." He pouted. "You said you'd teach me a new shuriken jutsu. We just started, Ni-san."_

_"I'd love to stay and help you, Sasuke, but I have an important mission tomorrow. I have to go home and prepare," he explained._

_"Brother, you liar," he mumbled, turning his face. Itachi shook his head with a smile._

_"Oi." He motioned for him to come._

_"Hm?" Sasuke turned, rushing to his brother with a smile. Poke!_

_"Forgive me, Sasuke. Next time, ok?" He chuckled. Sasuke stumbled back with an irritated look, slightly embarrassed for falling for Itachi's trick…again._

_"Hn, watch me!"_

_  
_'Why is this happening to me? Why can't I shake them?'

_  
"You have to have some rules, Kokoa."_

_"That's your job Itachi. You're the brother. Me? I'm just the girl who's dating the brother."_

_"You two together are dangerous." Itachi sighed, holding his head._

_"Like I said, I'm not going to baby him. He's old enough. I'm his friend. High five!" She turned to Sasuke, hand in the air._

_"Yes!" he cheered, smacking it with his own._

_"Well I'm his brother," Itachi stated before picking the child up off the ground, putting him over his shoulder._

_"Let me go! Itachi!"_

_"Why don't you ask your friend, Kokoa, for help?"_

_"Itachi!" he cried, limbs flailing._

_"Alright, alright. Here." He set him down, pushing him back with a poke to the forehead._

  
'And Kokoa…where is she? She knows now. What will she do!'

 

_"I've never seen you lose your cool before Ni-san," Sasuke smirked._

_"Shush." He pushed him with two fingers._

_"You always do that…"_

_"Calm down, Itachi dear. Why so worried?" Mikoto inquired._

_"She's convinced Father hates her, and he's…well you know. If she's with him, she's probably walking on eggshells."_

_"She's a tough girl. I think she'll manage. If she can handle enemy ninja, I think she can handle Fugaku," she giggled._

_"I hope so."_

_"Look at you, worried over your girlfriend. How sweet."_

_"Sasuke, don't tease him."_

_"But it's fun."_

_"So is locking you in your room," Itachi muttered._

_"Hu-"_

_"Too late." He picked up his younger brother, throwing him over his shoulder._

_"N-Ni-san! Put me down!"_

_"Shouldn't have teased me, foolish little brother."_

 

'I thought I had forgotten them. I thought they were locked away, that I lost them the day I lost my family, the day I lost everything. Why are they back!? Maybe…maybe because he is. It ends here. Today Itachi dies.'

 

  
Kokoa ran fast and hard. If she lost him, there's no telling when she'd ever see him again. Sasuke was out for revenge. If he left in search of his brother, others would understand, but she couldn't leave so easily. She was after Itachi, but if anyone asked, she ran after Sasuke to make sure he was all right.

_  
"We're human beings. Don't put yourself down so much, Kokoa. You don't give yourself enough credit. I think you're very strong, and extremely talented, especially in tai-jutsu."_

 'Itachi…'

_"I always walk away from you, leave you with excuses, and all you ever do is smile and take it. You tell me you understand, and then I'm gone. Hearing you cry, the smashing of the cup…I know it's difficult, I know it hurts, and if I could make all that pain go away, Kokoa, I would. You've been so strong, for the both of us, and it isn't fair for you to have to keep it all in._

_I want you to tell me when you're sad, when you miss me, when you're angry. I want you to speak your mind, to have some input, to be honest and real. No more fake smiles, no more blindly agreeing to whatever I say. I want you to talk to me. That's why I've been ignoring you. I wanted you to open up. I wanted you to tell me the truth without me having to force it out of you."_

 "Itachi."

  _"We can longer see each other, Kokoa. It was never meant to be. As I said, it was only a dream…nothing more. I have my path, and you have yours. This is it. This is where it ends, where we have to walk away and turn our backs. Don't ever look back. We're never going to see the sun set."_

 "Itachi!"

 A large explosion threw her off balance. Rising to her knees, she glanced up, spotting a smoke trail. It had to be him. She followed it through town. The hairs on her neck shot up straight when a horrified scream met her ears.

"Sasuke?" Her gaze fell on the inn, a hole blown in its side. Swallowing hard, she mustered the courage and ran in.

 

  
Itachi let go of Sasuke's collar, letting Jiraiya's technique hold him, the kuchiyose: Gamaguchi Shibari (Summoning: Toad Mouth Bind). He shifted in place. Kokoa was close and he knew.

'I have to get out of here before she finds me again. I can't let that happen.'

"Kisame, come," he called out, stealing one last glance at his little brother.

"Itachi, the wall is faster than us," Kisame gasped. "At this rate we'll –"

"Amaterasu." They managed to escape, leaving a perplexed Jiraiya and a shaken Naruto.

"They broke through these walls?"

 

"Why must we retreat, Itachi? You could have easily…"

"There's no need to hurry with Naruto at his current level. Also, I need to rest for a little," he explained.

'I was forced to use Tsukuyomi and even Amaterasu. There's also the fact I had to control Sasuke and escape Kokoa a second time.'

 

  
"Jiraiya-sama? Naruto?" Kokoa jogged over, taking a second to catch her breath. She spotted the sannin with a scroll. Glancing out before him, she stepped back in shock.

"Amaterasu? He was here after all?"

"You just missed him," he sighed.

"Kokoa? You know what that is?" Naruto inquired.

"Don't go near it. I heard an explosion –" She noticed Sasuke against the wall. Jiriaya dispelled his jutsu.

"Sasuke?" She lowered him to the floor. "Wake up. Sasuke?" she whispered, shaking the boy. She looked up at Jiraiya with sad eyes. "He used Tsukuyomi, like he did to Kakashi. He's out, gone." She stared out at the opening Itachi had made.

"Go, Kokoa," Jiraiya said.

"Hu?" she blinked in confusion.   
"You came all this way to find him. Go after him. It could be your only chance."

"After who? That Itachi?" Naruto jumped in. He knew about Kokoa's history with him, but with Kakashi and Sasuke both injured, and all the chaos the Uchiha had caused, he found it hard to find any justification for her going after him.

"After what happened, you want to go after him, Kokoa-chan?"

"If you don't do it now, Kokoa, you'll regret it. They couldn't have gotten far. Besides, you're fast. Coming here, you obviously made up your mind, so don't doubt your decision. Just go while you can, before other Konoha shinobi arrive."

"Ne, Ero-sennin, why are you encouraging her?"

"Yes, Jiraiya-sama. Why are you saying this?" She rose to her feet.

"I lost someone important to me once. He left the village and left behind a lot of questions without any answers. I chased after him for the longest time, trying to bring him back, trying to fix it all. I understand your position, and how much more difficult it must be because he was your lover. As a friend, and as someone who understands, Kokoa, I'm letting you, I'm telling you to go while you can."

"Jiraiya…sama…" She saw the pain in his eyes as he spoke of Orochimaru. "Arigato."

"Go quickly and do what you need to do. Once you're done, try finding me first. If not, head straight back to Konoha. Don't be suspicious or make a scene. You'll wait for my arrival, understood?"

"Hai! Look after Sasuke. Ja ne."

"You're just letting her go?" Naruto gave his mentor a look as Kokoa fled the inn.

"There are some things a person has to do, Naruto. I don't agree or like the idea of sending a Konoha shinobi alone after two Akatsuki members, but she has business with Itachi that she needs to solve in order to move on in life. I can't be the one to stop her, not when I myself have been in her shoes."

"Hmmm, whatever. We need to help Sasuke though."

"Mmm, you're right."

 

Itachi sat slumped against a tree, holding his head. He had overused his eyes, and the two partners had been on the run for some time. He was exhausted. Kisame gripped his sword, eyes scanning the bit of forest they occupied. Itachi's head shot up, a single bead of sweat slithering down the side.

"So how would you like to die? I'll give you the choice," Kisame smirked. Kokoa held her side, coughing and gasping from running so much. Her eyes landed on him.

"Finally." She stood up straight. Itachi was on his feet. "Why did you run? I've been calling for you. You couldn't have waited?"

"Ne, Itachi-san, who's the chick?"

"What do you want, Kokoa? I don't have time," he said dully.

"Ho? So you're Kokoa. How interesting. I hear you have quite a history with Itachi, although I don't know the details. Regardless, we have things to take care of, and we can't have you getting in the way. So like I said, I'll let you choose how you die!" He charged. Itachi's eyes shot wide. Taking advantage of her speed, Kokoa dodged, leaping up into the trees.

"Up there?" he sighed, leaning against Samehada. She jumped back down, putting a bit of space between them. She had to be careful. Two Akatsuki members: one she knew nothing about, and although she knew Itachi's techniques, it didn't mean she could evade or defeat him.

"I just want to talk. I didn't come here to fight. I ran all this way. I'm tired and in pain. Please. I don't want any trouble," she stated.

"Hard to believe a Konoha shinobi who was wronged by Itachi would come here to chat –"

"Kisame, stand down," Itachi spoke, walking up beside him.

"Hmm?"

"She's not a threat. I doubt there's anything she can do against two of our level."

Kokoa flinched at his cold tone.

"So what have you decided to do, Itachi?"

"I just want to talk," she assured them.

"Give us a minute, Kisame-san. I'll catch up to you when I'm finished here. I don't intend to stay long."

"Are you sure?"

"Ah. I would appreciate it. I'm curious what brought her all the way out here. It must be important," he remarked.

"Understood. Have fun, but not too much." Kisame left. Itachi hated being so cold. He hated having to wear this mask, but he didn't have a choice. For one, he figured Kisame wouldn't venture far. The swordsman was already suspicious. Seeing Kokoa now and how Itachi was willing to speak with her, he wouldn't leave them alone, no. He was somewhere, watching. Also, being kind to her, if Itachi really talked to her, it would give her false hope. He had to play the bad guy. This was the path he chose. There was no going back.

"Well?" He took a step forward, cracking his neck. Kokoa stood in place, not once looking away. For the first time in years she took a moment to look, to see the man he had become, and oh what a man he was. Much taller than before, he stood there, lean and threatening, the same dark eyes and facial features only older, more mature. He wore the same hair; bangs in his eyes and a low ponytail pulled back. Many years had passed, and although several things about him changed, she still saw him; she saw her Itachi; the boy she fell in love with; the boy she still loved. Seeing him now standing before her, bangs dancing in the light breeze, it took her breath away. It hurt her heart. She could look, but it dawned on her that she'd never be able to have him.

On the brink of tears, she regained her composure. She marched towards him, fast. He narrowed his eyes. Swiftly, she jumped in front of him and shoved him hard. Not expecting such a basic attack, he stumbled back, hitting the ground. Kokoa glared at him, breathing heavily, ready to explode.

"Not the most polite thing to do to someone who's wasting their time waiting for you to get to the point," he scoffed, rising to is feet. "This won't be long, will it?" He brushed the dirt from his cloak.

"After all that happened, after all that you did, all the shit you caused, the hell you raised, you can't even spare a few minutes? After crushing my heart, abandoning Sasuke, and then suddenly returning all these years leaving me with more questions than answers, I think you owe me! Wouldn't you agree!?"

"Raising your voice will cause both of us trouble. If you don't want Konoha shinobi finding you with me, I'd keep it down if you know what I mean," he warned. He was right.

"Itachi-san…I just want to talk. Please…" she said softly, catching him off guard. She still respected him. She still knew her place.

"Go ahead then. I don't have all the time in the world. Let's see what so important, Kokoa."

"You've become so cold, Itachi. Then again, I have no room to talk. I'm the same way just to different people," she sighed, staring at her feet, something she always did when feeling low. Now his turn, Itachi took this moment to take in the girl before him. He had become a man, and while Kokoa technically was a young woman now, eighteen years old like himself, she kept a lot of childish features. Her hair was one; short, messy, even boyish, stopped just above her shoulders. It was obvious she didn't care much for it. And while she had grown a bit taller and developed in ways a woman would, she was thin, small and…she looked, she seemed hollow. He did this to her, and he knew it. He destroyed her.

"I've waited so long to finally see you again. Now that you're here, I don't know what to say. I almost can't believe it," she shrugged. "There's a lot on my mind; a lot of questions and things I just need to get off my chest, but before you run off again, or your partner decides to chop me up, I just have to ask, why?"

"You're going to have to be more specific –"

"Why did you kill your clan? Why did you leave Sasuke? Why did you run away from me? Why, Itachi-san? I just want to understand. Everyone, from day one, everyone jumped to the conclusion that you murdered everyone and left for no reason; simply because you could, but I fought for you."

"Oh?"

"For a little while, I didn't know you had confessed to Sasuke, that you showed him what happened with your mangekyo. So I believed in your innocence, claiming you were framed or in some sort of trouble. For as long as I could I believed you weren't the monster everyone made you out to be, that you were still that gentle boy from my childhood. I don't understand what happened. And even though I can't deny that you killed everyone, I still want to understand. This is what I've been waiting for, Itachi-san, this moment. I want to hear your side of the story. I want your truth."

He blinked in surprise, hiding the fact his heart twisted and turned deep in his chest. She was willing to stand there and let him explain himself. She was willing to give him the chance no one ever would. Even after being so cold and mocking her earlier.

'Kokoa…why are you so…why can't you let me go? Please…' He struggled with himself.

"It's the same as what I told Sasuke. I killed them all to test my abilities. There was no hope for the Uchiha; a clan obsessed with tradition and pride. They were headed for their downfall. I left before any of that happened. I ended it and left Konoha for bigger and better things. I was stuck in that village, playing silly games and following silly orders. The outside world holds so much more."

"I find that hard to believe, but perhaps that's because I still have the image of you as you were years ago still printed in my mind. Just like me, I guess you've changed. Still, I can't shake these memories. I can't shake these emotions. They're always there, always haunting me, reminding me of what I lost. Why didn't you tell me? I would have listened. I would have tried to understand. Why did you run!?" she shouted in the end, frustrated and on edge. "The day before, we were fine. We went on a date. We were happy. Then you leave me some letter. You end our relationship, you break my heart, and then I wake up the next day to learn everyone's dead, and Sasuke's in the hospital, and you! You were gone! No answers, no explanation, no warning! Just like that, you flipped our world upside down and fled like it was nothing…like I was nothing. Was I, Itachi-san?" she whispered, staring at her shoes once again.

"Were you what?"

"Something. Did I ever mean anything to you? I cared about you deeply. I still do, even now. Did you ever care, or was I just a tool? Was I just a pawn, a cover for you? Did you use me to seem normal? Did you hide behind me so no one would suspect? Did you like me? Did I mean anything?"

He remained silent, staring ahead with dull eyes. She bit her lip to keep from crying out.

"You used me –" she choked. "I was – I was just some silly girl who fell for you, and you took advantage, right? I threw myself at you and you took it as an opportunity, right!? I went out of my way for you. I cared about you, wanted to make you happy, but you…you never really cared?" she said as more of a question. Itachi closed his eyes momentarily, saddened by her words.

"You're not saying anything?" She rubbed her face. "Even if it's true, I still can't shake my feelings. Even if you never cared, I did. I still do. I always will. You were my everything, Itachi-san; my friend, my mentor, my family, my partner, and when you left you took all that away from me. You left me with nothing; hollow; empty. You…this doesn't sound like you. It doesn't feel like you. The man before me, how can you be the boy from my childhood? How can you be my Itachi?

We – we held hands in the crowded streets because no one would notice. We trained together, grew and became stronger. We shared secrets and kisses in the forest when no one was around. We had dreams and goals. We wanted to watch the sunset. Was that all a lie? As skilled as you are, could you have faked all that? Was it that easy to lead me on? I just – there's something – I can't bring myself to believe, to accept it. I just…"

He moved his fingers slightly, clenching and unclenching, fighting to keep a straight face. She was on the verge of tears, pouring her heart out; years of pain, sadness, and agony, and all he could do was stand there with a stoic face like the villain he was forced to play.

"I…I miss you, Itachi-san," she shrugged, sniffling. "I miss you so much…so much that it hurts. It hurts a lot, my heart." She clutched her chest. "You know, there was something I realized back then, back when Shisui was alive and everything was fine. I was so scared when it hit me because I thought we were young and I didn't know if it was the same for you, but Shisui knew, and told me it was ok. He said it was ok to have those feelings. He wanted me to tell you, and believe me, Itachi-san, I also wanted to, but I was so afraid of what you'd say, of how you'd react. I wanted to wait, but things didn't work out. Shisui died, and you left, and I've kept it locked away deep inside all this time. But now you're here, and I can finally tell you. I can finally get it off my chest. For the longest time, Itachi-san, ever since we were young, I ha –"

"I thought you said this wouldn't take long," he interrupted, not wanting her to finish the sentence. He couldn't let her. He wouldn't.

"For the longest time – I just – I need to tell you. Always, I've always –"

"Kokoa, I don't want to hear it. Don't waste your breath on trivial things. I'm obviously uninterested," he spat, worry clouding his mind. She couldn't finish. She had to stop. Now. He wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Itachi, I lov –"

She swallowed hard, shivering from the cold kunai pressed against her throat. Lowering his head to meet her eyes,

"I said that was enough," he spat, kunai in one hand, his other gripping her shoulder. She drew a shaky breath, never looking away.

"Do it," she whispered. He narrowed his eyes, perplexed. "Do it. I'll beg if I have to. Kill me." She gripped his arm with both hands, pushing the blade harder against her pale flesh.

"Kill me, please, Itachi. End it. Put me out of my misery Everyone would be better off without me. Just do it!" she cried. He didn't move a muscle, just simply watched her and listened, too stunned to say anything.

"Fine!" She pulled out her own kunai, holding it just above his, hands trembling violently. "I tried once. I tried, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take my life. I was too afraid. I was too guilty. I didn't have it in me." The weapon slipped from her fingers, falling at her feet. "So please, please do it for me. If I die, then no one would have to worry, and I could finally have some peace. Let me die by your hands, Itachi."

"Some peace?"

"Ever since you left, I've been as guilty as you in the eyes of the Konoha elders, villagers, and even other shinobi. You and I were close. We were romantically involved. I followed you, did everything for you, and they knew it. When you killed everyone and escaped, they blamed me. They suspected me. The looks and whispers, the rumors, the lies. The hokage and his ANBU dogs harassed me, tortured me, showed up at random times for no reason to "question" me, humiliated me in front of colleagues and Sasuke.

I'll always be known as the girl who was associated with you. I'll always be a suspect in their eyes, treated like a monster, a pariah. My home, my life, it's one big hell! I haven't had a good night's sleep since you left, and I have nothing, no future to look forward to because I'll always be an outcast, a suspect, and you're gone, and one day Sasuke will leave me for revenge. So go ahead! Kill me! End my miserable life, my pathetic existence. I'd rather die right now by your hand than waste another chunk of my life moping around a village who wants me dead anyways. I'm begging you, Itachi! Please!"

He stared, staggered, stunned, speechless, and it showed on his face; horror in his eyes. Kokoa was too hysterical to notice anything, fortunately for him. Still…he figured she would be heartbroken and depressed. He knew she would be in pain, but this low? To want death? She wanted to die because she couldn't bear being away from him? This boy took a happy, strong girl and turned her into a self-loathing, cynical, monster who begged for death. His mouth went dry. He couldn't speak. He could only listen, listen to her pleas as she sobbed hysterically; to his heart shattering all over again. He didn't think it was possible to hate himself any more than he already did, but he was proven wrong.

'I'm the monster. I ruined her. I killed her. Because of me, Kokoa is…because of me, she's…because of me…' He cleared his throat, beginning to unravel. He wanted to leave. He easily could; pull back and disappear, but what right did he have? This was all his fault. In the past Itachi hated himself most whenever he hurt Kokoa. When he was irritable or away for missions, when he couldn't be there for her…he was the one who caused her so much pain, but she always rushed to his side with open and forgiving arms. And she still did. There she stood, wanting him back more than anything. He forced himself to stay and watch, to listen to her cry. He deserved it, his punishment.

She jerked, coughing hard. The kunai had slipped beneath the chain around her neck, breaking it. The old locket hit the ground, popping open, and out tumbled the Uchiha crest. His lips parted at the sight. Itachi still had the blade to her neck and a tight grip on her shoulder. By now Kokoa could barely breathe, and her legs felt weak. Hunching over slightly, she held onto his arm with both hands, tugging at his shirt as she cried. She cried out of pain and loneliness. She cried for him. She became more hysterical, if that was even possible, as she held him. This was the closest she'd ever get, but this was the first time she had touched him. And Itachi felt the same, taking a sharp breath when soft hands brushed across his skin.

In that moment he realized he was losing control and that he had to make a decision. He could tell her the truth. Kokoa would understand. She would understand why the Uchiha needed to be stopped, and why he had to be the one to end it. She would understand why he kept it from Sasuke, why he left the village. She would understand, and he knew she would. He knew! But if Kokoa knew the truth about him she would forsake everything. She would walk out of Konoha, leave her home, and follow him. If he let her, if he asked, she would throw it all away and join Akatsuki, but he couldn't let her do that. He couldn't let her betray the village and become a criminal even if she had good intentions. She couldn't know the truth. She couldn't know his truth.

He straightened, eyes scanning the trees. He felt someone coming. He had to get out of there fast. There was more than one person approaching. While he most likely could handle whoever it was, previous battle and his encounter with Kokoa left him drained and hurting.

Slipping the kunai up his sleeve, he had her by the hair, tugging hard enough to elicit a cry. She threw her hands up, clawing at his hands, begging him to let go, but he only pulled harder.

"Kill you? Why would I help you? Why would I let you take the easy way out just because you're too much of a coward to do it yourself?" he hissed, never loosening his grip.

"No, Kokoa, I'm not going to kill you. I wouldn't gain anything from doing so. You're not even worth it."

"I-Itachi –" He curled his wrist, wrapping as much of her short hair as he could, tighter.

"I'm going to let you live out the rest of your miserable life, but know this, if you do decide to get in my or Akatsuki's way again, I will not hesitate to destroy you. I will kill you." His eyes flickered red for a moment. Yanking her towards him, he threw her back down against the dirt. She hit hard, barely able to prop herself up. Itachi began to leave, but stopped in his tracks. He turned only his head, glancing down at her over his shoulder.

"You're still naïve, Kokoa. That's one thing that hasn't changed. " He was gone.

She crawled to her knees, coughing, gasping, spitting wads of blood from biting her lip when she met the ground. Her head throbbed, her heart beat violently against her, and her vision blurred from nausea, unsteadiness, and hot tears. Lurching forward, she vomited, shaking terribly as she did so. Kokoa took a minute to gain a bit of control. She sat back on her butt, breathing deeply and in a daze.

"Kuroki Kokoa." She turned to the source of the voice, her eyes growing wide in horror. There he stood, the same Root member that had spent the last several years mocking, watching, and popping in for surprise visits. Zaji was his name, or the name given to him by his organization. Using the tree as a guide, she rose to her feet, leaning most of her weight against the trunk, clearly exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. Her breath hitched when four more ANBU descended from the trees, surrounding her.

Itachi hid in a tree not too far off. He dug his nails, aggressively picking at the bark, fighting back tears. He confronted Sasuke the night of the massacre. He settled it, made Sasuke believe what he wanted, but Kokoa…this was the first time facing her, and it was the worst pain; as terrible and heart wrenching as killing his own blood.   
He had to get out of there and find Kisame. He didn't want to leave Kokoa, especially not in their hands, but there was no other way. Besides, it's not as if he could save her. He was still Uchiha Itachi, the man who slaughtered his clan and joined Akatsuki. He wasn't allowed to be the hero.

"Tsk…" He moved off, blood trickling down the sides of three fingers.

 

Zaji stepped forward, casually cracking his knuckles. With a tilt of his head, he locked eyes with Kokoa, his smug expression hidden behind the mask. The girl swallowed hard, unsure of what was to come.

"Kuroki Kokoa, you're under arrest."

 


	33. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #33

Dark and cold. Kokoa sat in her cell with only the sound of her light breathing and the pitter patter of water dripping in the corner. On the floor slumped against the wall, she stared out through the prison bars into the dim hallway, into that empty, narrow, barely lit hallway.

Finding Kokoa after her encounter with Itachi, Zaji and the other ANBU arrested her on the spot. They only turned their faces and zipped their lips when she asked why. Kokoa wasn't stupid. She knew why, but she needed justification, a reason to go with them willingly to make it seem like she wasn't guilty. She spent a good amount of time in that cell. While imprisoned, Jiraiya and Naruto returned with Tsunade, and she was able to heal Kakashi and Sasuke. Zaji was oh so kind as to inform Kokoa since she was unable to visit. She worried about Sasuke. Itachi had used his sharingan, knocked him out completely. He was finally awake, but he hadn't come to see her since then. All she could do was sit in that miserable cell feeling sorry for herself.

They arrested her for involvement with a wanted criminal. They arrested her for not reporting the activities and whereabouts of two Akatsuki members. They arrested her for leaving the village without consent. They arrested her for pursuing the two criminals on her own. They arrested her for associating with Uchiha Itachi. Their meeting, those few minutes reopened all the doors, not that they ever closed completely, but all the suspicion, the blame, the finger pointing, and name calling came rushing towards her, slamming into the girl like a brick wall, leaving her hanging on by a thread. And so she sat there, alone in the dark and cold wishing more than anything she had the courage to throw herself in the Naka River that day. She sat there in the dark and cold wishing she was somehow killed in action. She sat there in the dark and cold wishing Uchiha Itachi had finished what he started and ended the miserable existence her life came to be.

 

Tup, tup, tup, tup, tup. She sat up at the sound of footsteps; light and gentle, unlike the steps of the various shinobi who had come in for interrogation.

"Sasuke!" She leapt to her feet, pressing herself against the bars, gripping tight. He came to a stop before her with only the metal gate between the two. He stared at her feet, not saying a word. After a moment of silence, the sense of relief she had slowly faded. Something was wrong. She kept her mouth shut instead of celebrating the fact he was back on his feet and this was the first time seeing him since the fight at in the inn.

He slowly lifted his head, meeting her blue eyes with his own dark gaze. She swallowed hard.

"How long have you been locked up in this place?"

"I don't know. They don't tell me the time or date. It's felt like weeks."

"Almost four so far," he stated. Her lips parted at the news. Had it really been that long since she slept in her bed, since the sun warmed her skin? A month? Had she pushed it aside, depersonalized most of it? Her stomach churned.

"You're up. That means they found –"

"Why?" he interrupted.

"Hu –"

"What were you doing?"

"Sasuke –"

"Answer me, Kokoa, truthfully. No shitting around."

"I…" She glanced away. Impatient,

"You followed me to Tanzaku. You caught up with Itachi after he had hurt me. They told me everything, Kokoa. That you ran after him; that you had a nice little chat before becoming hysterical and begging him to kill you; that any bit of pride, dignity, and resolve you had went right out the window the moment you set eyes on him! You ran after two Akatsuki members, guys who were after Naruto, all on your own! What did you expect to gain? What the hell were you thinking? You could have been killed. What was the reason?"

She pressed her forehead against the metal with a sigh. So they had been watching the whole thing unfold. They heard most of it; saw what a mess she had become as Itachi held the kunai to her throat.

"I wanted – needed to talk to him," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Heh, why? After what happened – I just – I wanted to talk to him."

"I don't understand. I ran after him because I wanted revenge. I had a goal. Why did you leave the village? Why did you talk to him in the forest? Don't tell me that what everyone was saying is true, that you really were involved –"

"Why the hell would you even think that!?" she shouted, stunned by his words. "Why would I help him kill his own family and torture you? He ended both our lives that night. You're all I have, Sasuke. You mean everything to me. Do you honestly think I'm that sick, that I'm capable of doing such a demented thing? I can't believe after all this time you'd turn on me –"

"I didn't mean it," he mumbled, shoving his fists in his pockets. "It just slipped. Sorry."

"You went after him for a reason, and so did I; to talk. That's all."

"But why? Why waste your time talking? After the shit he pulled. I don't get it. Why were you crying? Why did you beg? What could you possibly discuss with a bastard like him? He's a monster, and criminal, a murderous traitor who turned not only on his village, but on his own clan. What could you possibly gain! I'm trying to understand! I'm trying to come up with some reason as to why you'd go so far and risk your life to have some silly conversation with a guy who stopped caring ages ago, but I just can't wrap my brain around it!"

"It's because I love him! Ok!" she declared, knuckles white from squeezing the bars, a few tears inching down her face despite her eyes being shut tight. His arms fell to his sides in disbelief.

"Nani?"

"It's because I loved him, because I still do, because I always will," she said, her voice light and breathy as she bit her lip to keep from becoming yet another hysterical mess. Sasuke stared, stunned.

"You…"

"I tried moving on. I tried so hard to forget, to be happy, to start over, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't, Sasuke. It hurt too much, and the memories never faded. They haunted me day and night, followed me everywhere. Itachi was my world, he was my everything, he was my friend, he was the boy I loved more than anything. He was my family. I lost my family that day too. I lost it all just like you.

I wanted to talk to him because I missed him. I wanted to talk to him because all these years there hasn't been a day where he slipped my mind. I wanted to see him, to hear his voice, to hold his hand one more time. I wanted to talk to him because something didn't feel right about the night of the massacre. All these years I've heard what others have said, but I so badly needed to hear the truth from his own lips. The day he left, my life changed for the worst. I wanted answers! I wanted an explanation, an apology, something! And I missed him so much, I missed him so, so much…" she clutched where her heart sat with one hand.

"You have no idea," she whispered. "What it's like to love someone you know you can never have."

He shifted his gaze to the side, hands still in his pockets. 'I have some idea…'

"I didn't do it to betray you or Konoha. I did it for my own selfish reasons. I just wanted to see him again. For some reason I had this ridiculous idea that I could fix things, that it could all work out. I'm stupid for it, but I did it because I needed some closure, answers, something. I've been so empty and so numb for so long I don't even feel alive half the time. I just wanted to stand beside him…"

"So all these years, when you spoke ill of him, when you shrugged things off, when you told me you were ok and that you were getting over it, you were lying?" he looked over at her again.

"Those nights I thought you stayed up because you had trouble sleeping or you were writing mission reports, you were crying for him? That look in your eyes when you're sitting by yourself in the dim light is a longing for my brother? All this time you…"

"If you had known my true feelings it would have been too hard. I didn't want to rub it in your face. Besides, you wouldn't understand. You hate him –"

"And so should you. He ruined you, Kokoa."

"I know that! But I can't shake these feelings. I can't let him go. I'd rather die."

"Wha…" he fell quiet.

"Like I said, it wasn't to betray or hurt you, Sasuke. I care about you deeply. You're my friend and my family, the only one I've got, the only person who knows me. Please, Sasuke, please try to understand. Please try to see what I'm saying. Even if you can't understand, please just accept it. Accept me as I am. Don't leave me. Don't walk away."

He turned and slowly started off.

"Sasuke! Please don't hate me…" She leaned against the gate in tears, taking a shaky breath. He paused, clenching his fists at her crying. He hated it when she cried. He hated hearing and seeing his precious Kokoa in so much pain all because of what his brother decided to do that night. With his back still to her,

"I could never hate you, Kokoa, even if I tried. I wouldn't want to. I'd rather die."

She gazed out at him, silent at first, letting the last of the tears make their way down to her chin. He started off again.

"Where are you going?" she questioned, her voice hoarse.

"I'm going to get you out of here."

  
Getting Kokoa out of jail wasn't so easy. Although neither she nor Sasuke knew it, they were dealing with someone on an entire different level than Sarutobi. Shimura Danzo was the one running the show; acting and having others do his bidding from the shadows. Sure it was all for the sake of Konoha, his own brutal way of defending the village, but he went so far as to ruin a poor girl like Kokoa; a girl he knew had nothing to do with the Uchiha massacre but had to keep accusing and watching because he wasn't sure just what Itachi might have told her. She wasn't supposed to know the truth. She couldn't. She couldn't know about Konoha's dark secrets and history.

If she learned that her precious Itachi was cornered, used as a double spy and forced to strike down his own clan or have someone else do it, she would lose her mind and fall further than she ever did. She would become merciless, terrible, vengeful more than Sasuke ever was or would be, and she would make the ones responsible pay. And Danzo knew that. He knew how precious Itachi was to her. Everyone knew just from the way she would look at him whenever they were together. She loved him and understood his struggle, his pain, the pressure, the guilt, the kindness. She knew Uchiha Itachi. He deserved love and happiness and she wanted to be the one who provided it.

After another week of questioning and prodding, Kokoa was released to Sasuke. Of course she would be watched even more closely this time, and Zaji wouldn't be the only one, although, he would be the main Root member. The tension between Sasuke and Kokoa was unbearable. He didn't hate her. As he said before, he couldn't, but she loved Itachi after all he did, and spent the last few years lying about it and crying for him when Sasuke wasn't looking.

Everything he thought he knew about her was a lie. Why had he so easily believed her? He realized then that it was because he was so young and so afraid. He trusted the only person he knew he could without ever questioning her. Still, after years together, after coming this far side by side, how could she still have feelings for Itachi, a man who broke her heart and fled the village? It angered Sasuke, confused him, crushed him. If Kokoa spoke to him, he replied. If he needed her, he would initiate conversation, but there were no jokes, no chuckles or teasing. Just short, awkward dialogue and minimal eye contact. He couldn't accept her feelings, and she felt too guilty for lying.

 

She stuffed her fists in the pockets of her black flood pants, slouching a bit, eyes never leaving the ground as she made her way through the village.

"That's that Kuroki girl."

"She's the one involved with Uchiha Itachi, right?"

"How is Sasuke still hanging around her?"

"I hear they arrested her after meeting with Itachi. She was just released a few days ago."

She bit her lip, shut her eyes tight, did everything in her power to hold back tears, to steady her breathing, to ignore the voices. It was the same hell all over again, even worse.

"Kokoa-chan!" Naruto dashed towards her. "Kokoa-chan! Yo!" he smiled, holding up a peace sign. "I was on my way to Ichiraku's. Come with me for lunch!"

"Not today, Naruto. I think I'll pass," she almost whispered. His smile faded.

"What's…what's wrong?" he inquired, momentarily forgetting she had just gotten out of jail.

"I just need some time to myself, alone," she assured him, glaring over her shoulder. She felt someone watching her. Would it always be like this? No privacy? No Freedom?

"But…"

"Some other time, Naruto. Oh, could you do me a favor and not tell Sasuke where I went if he asks? I just really want to be alone."

"Yeah, sure."

"Ja ne." She scurried off before the tears slipped, and headed to the Naka River; a place of so much pain and memory.

 

_"You worry too much."_

_"Is that so, Shisui-san?" Kokoa chuckled._

_"You worry about Itachi too much. He's a big boy."_

_"I know. I just can't help it. I –"_

_"Love him too much?" he smirked with a raised brow._

_"No," she pouted._

_"Hn, liar."_

_"You promised me –"_

_"I haven't told anyone! I swear."_

_"Good."_

_"I'm glad, Kokoa."_

_"What about?"_

_"That you love him."_

_"Oh," she whispered with a blush._

_"I'm also glad to call you my friend."_

_"Shisui…I guess I kind of like you too." She nudged him._

_"That's good. That's really good."_

"Just one person…someone…" Kokoa held herself, missing Shisui deeply; her friend, her older brother, Itachi's precious friend. Sasuke meant everything to her, but it hurt so much to be around him now that he knew her feelings. She couldn't bear the guilt.

_"We'll get to watch the sunset one day, Kokoa. In time."_

"Itachi…" She dropped to her knees, head down, clawing at the dirt and grass. His eyes, his eyes haunted her, but his voice soothed her even when he said she wasn't worth his time. Why did he treat her like garbage, like she never meant anything? And yet, he took the time to listen to everything she had to say. He could have killed her right there, but chose not to, and that was what truly haunted her. Was there meaning behind his hesitance to kill her? Was it possible he still cared or at least bore some guilt for what he had done to her? Or did she read too far into his actions? Was this just another sense of false hope? Still…

"It hurts," she whimpered, grabbing at her chest. The looks and rumors, the ANBU and conflict with Sasuke. In that moment she was swallowed by the all too familiar; utter loneliness. Broken, beaten, battered, defeated, exhausted, empty. At this point Kokoa had no clue as to what to do with herself. Stuck. She was stuck, slipping away a little bit each day, and it seemed no one would try to save her, not even Sasuke.

"How pathetic," Zaji sighed, stuffed away between the winding branches of a tree not too far off. "How low must she be feeling? She was right, the Uchiha should've just ended it."

'I don't understand why Danzo-sama's so fixated on her. She's pathetic, miserable, oblivious to everything. In what way is she a threat?' He shook his head, adjusting his mask. As bored as he was, Zaji had to fulfill his assignment. In the past Kokoa was feisty and rude. She argued with him, was a challenge. He enjoyed taunting her, but now she barely responded. Everything phased through her as if she were raised from the dead; hollow.

 

Opening the fridge and finding nothing but sweets, Sasuke shut the door, stepping back with a,

"Tch…" He didn't like sweets at all, and Kokoa knew. Normally she would have made some of his favorite foods, or at least tried to when she had the time. He tried thinking of something else, someone or something other than Kokoa. They weren't exactly fighting, but things were still complicated. He roamed the larger apartment, his expression softening at the memory of how happy she was when he told her it was their new place; how things seemed ok even if only for a moment. Pausing before the small bookcase, he scanned the dusty, leather-bound books, notebooks, and occasional folder. He reached out for a thick green spine but accidentally knocked over a small red folder, scattering its contents across the floor.

"Shit," he mumbled, scooping them up. He sat back, falling to his butt as he held an old photograph; Kuroki Akihiko and his wife, Sakiko; Kokoa's parents. The couple stood smiling, holding their child. She couldn't have been older than a few months. Sakiko held her close, her grip tight, smile wide. Akihiko had an arm around his wife, a nervous expression across his face from being such a young father.

Sasuke gently returned it to the folder. He was fortunate enough to have known his parents, to have loved and be loved by them. That time with Mikoto and Fugaku…he often found himself conflicted. What would be better – or easier at least: having parents, having that bond and then losing it, or never knowing who they were? He was able to have his mother and father, but Kokoa and even Naruto…what was it like, never having those memories?

He scrambled to pick up the rest of the papers, and that's when it happened, when the white tip caught his eye. Moving a few notes and mission reports aside, he picked up the polaroid, not as old as her family photo, and felt something churn deep inside. It was the photo of Kokoa and Itachi, the one they had taken years ago, dirty and in their uniforms; the one she had given Itachi as a gift and framed her own copy of as well; the one she stuffed away a long time ago to hide from Sasuke; the one Itachi kept to this day, hidden away with his few belonging as one of the things he still had trouble letting go of.

He returned that photo as well, and placed the folder back up on the shelf. Standing there in silence, unmoving, it hit him; a slab, a wall of emotion, and not anger as usual. He didn't want to yell or pick fights. It was the emotion he had locked up for so long, the feelings he never had trouble sharing as a child. They came flooding back, ravaging him like some disease, and so he dropped to his knees, head down, eyes clenched, teeth grinding as he choked, and gasped, and coughed, and cried; cried for his fallen kin, cried for feeling so alone and so utterly helpless, useless, weak. He cried for Kokoa, for how she lost everything like he did, how she lost her parents, for how she was treated, for what she had become. He cried because the girl who had always encouraged him, the girl who was there for him at the lowest point in his life, the girl he had come to love with all his heart still desired his older brother; because Uchiha Itachi was the only man she saw; because no matter how hard he tried Sasuke always lost to  _him._

 


	34. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since they sort of go together and this was how I originally posted them, here are TWO chapters, #'s 34 & 35, to keep you satisfied for a bit haha. 35 will be its own chapter of course. Hope you like them, and as always, thank you :)
> 
> Alsoooo, I've had a few people wonder about Sasuke's feelings in the last chapter, and yes, poor little Sauce does in fact love Kokoa. They are romantic feelings, as I've hinted. So we'll see how he deals with that o.O

This is the story of a girl who sits in the dark room,   
wondering what's to become of her.   
Her makeup is smeared, and blood fills her dark heart,   
the addiction is slowly sinking in.   
  
With bloodshot eyes, she starts hallucinating,   
the track marks fading from her arms.   
She's as white as the snowfall,   
and she's clung to the ceiling.

  
"Oh?" Kokoa noticed some of her books were out of place. She glanced at Sasuke who sat on the couch, skimming over a paper. He peeked over.

"Did you move these?" she said quietly.

"I was looking the other day and accidently dropped the folder. I put it back," he replied.

"Which folder?"

"The red one."

"Oh." She ran her thumb along the edge of it.

"I saw it, the picture," he said suddenly. She stiffened. "Those were your parents, right?"

"Oh – yeah."

"You look just like your dad," he said. She nodded in agreement. "I saw the other photo too."

"Oh," she swallowed hard, fighting to keep it together, but before he could say anymore and before the tension in the room knocked her down, she marched out, never looking at him in the process.

 

Dancing dirty needles broke the tip off in her skin,  
The promises and false hopes are injected in her veins.  
It's almost Armageddon as she falls to the floor,  
Guilt straight affliction, now comatose.  
Emptiness, (In her head)  
She feels the room spin, (She forgets)

Somebody call a doctor, (Her reason)  
We need an ambulance. (For living)

 

"Sasuke! Oi, Sasuke!"

"What is it, moron?" the Uchiha sighed, facing Naruto with a bored expression.

"You're lucky I'm not going to punch that look off your face, bastard."

"What are you talking about, Naruto? I don't have time for you."

"You sure? Because you don't look busy to me."

"What do you want?"

"Kokoa. What's going on with her?"

"Kokoa?" Everything about Sasuke relaxed a bit. "What do you mean?"

"She's acting different."

"Ever think because she was just released from jail, dumbass?"

"You're the dumbass, Sasuke."

"Say what now?" The irritation returned.

"The other day I saw her about to cry. I wanted to get lunch, but she kept walking, saying that she wanted to be alone and all."

"So? Believe it or not, Naruto, sometimes people need to be alone."

"But she told me not to tell you where she went if you had asked."

"Huh?"

"She's not herself. I get being in jail was rough. I understand she's going through a rough time. She and I have a lot in common, Sasuke, but there was this look in her eyes like – like she would hurt herself or something."

"You're just imagining things –"

"Why would I imagine that!"

"But…" He fell quiet, thinking back on what he was told.

_"You had a nice little chat before becoming hysterical and begging him to kill you; that any bit of pride, dignity, and resolve you had went right out the window the moment you set eyes on him!"_

Sasuke swallowed hard. Was she really suicidal?

"Well? Sasuke?'

"What?"

"What are you going to do?" Naruto crossed his arms.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"What do you want from me, Naruto!"

"To help Kokoa! I understand what she's going through; the looks and the comments from everyone, but whatever is happening between you two and your brother, I don't know how to help! Besides, you've been together for years. You live together for crying out loud! She's not herself."

"I have no clue –"

"Don't you care, Sasuke! At all! In any way, don't you care –"

"Of course I do!" he spat, narrowing his eyes. "More than anyone, more than anything! Of course I care about her –"

"Then do something before it's too late. She needs someone and that someone is you. She's always there when you fall on your ass, so it's time you did the same." With that Naruto left, rubbing his belly in a circular motion. All that yelling had made him hungry. Sasuke stood in place, lips parted, eyes wide, speechless.

  
A mess. Kuroki Kokoa was a mess in every way. Her mind raced, her heart nearly burst through her chest, she hadn't been sleeping or eating, the rumors were an everyday thing. Chaos. It had gotten so bad, to the point where she was desperate to escape, even if only for a little while. She and Sasuke were still…awkward, and Kakashi had been busy, not that she would run to him if he wasn't, but still, and she didn't want to dump her problems on Naruto, so there it was again, that utter loneliness that gnawed at her.

Stopping before a small shop, she let her shoulder fall, knowing she wouldn't get away with it.

"Why's such a pretty girl like you lookin' so sad?" A man probably in his early thirties commented, sitting to the side of the front door. She looked down at him, at his torn and dirtied clothes, the grime in his hair, the yellow of his teeth. She stayed silent.

"What, is there something you need that I can assist you with?" he smirked. She curled her lip, ready to leave when she spotted the bottle of alcohol lying beside him. Still 18, she wouldn't be permitted to buy any, but…

"As a matter of fact, there is."

 

Trapped in this black hole,   
Abandoned, alone.   
And I'm here for you.  
I am so sick, I am so sick.  
I am so fucking sick of this.  
The roses are red, violets are blue,  
These petals fall like tears.

  
"You've been acting quite different since we returned."

"It's been a while. What are you talking about, Kisame-san?"

"You've been odd, more than you usually are, Itachi."

"It's nothing," he replied, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"That doesn't look like "nothing" to me."

"I'm tired is all."

"No, that's not it."

"I don't –"

"It has something to do with a young lady about this tall with black hair and these fierce blue eyes."

"What about her?" he inquired, never looking at his partner.

"What about her? Everything, Itachi-san. Ever since your little meeting, you haven't been the same. Has she affected you in some way?"

"Not at all."

"Are you sure? Because I think she has."

"You're entitled to your opinion."

"I'm entitled to my opinion? Heh, cut the bull, Itachi."

"Why does it matter? What are you getting at?" he said, not in the mood for this.

"What did that conversation with her mean? Kokoa, right? That's her name?"

"Why are you so interested?"

"Because as your partner and as a member of Akatsuki, I need to know where your loyalties lie, Itachi-san. Are you having doubts? Second thoughts –"

"Of course not."

"So then why have you been fixated on nothing but her since then?" Kisame pushed.

"She was…a part of my past. We were involved," he said quietly, eyes still never leaving the floor.

"Well jee, I hadn't noticed," he sneered.

"I left without telling her my plans. She didn't know anything, and I left Konoha and Kokoa behind. I just didn't think seeing her again after all this time would be so…"

"What, it stirred some feelings?"

"Memories perhaps. I'm not doubting myself or regretting what I did. If I wanted her to, she would have followed me here, but I severed my ties. I left everything. I don't want or need it. Kokoa was the last connection to that miserable village. I suppose I was just surprised to see her like that after so much time had passed."

"Oh?"

"My place is here. I am loyal to Akatsuki. I left her behind because like the others she was blind to everything. I don't need someone foolish like that by my side. You saw how she begged, how she fell apart over ancient history. We're through, she and I. No need to worry, Kisame-san. I was only thinking, reflecting a bit is all."

"You're always so convincing, Itachi-san. Just know who you are. Know what you've done, where you are, and who is above you." Kisame left it at that, shutting the door behind him as he left.

"Tch…" The Uchiha slipped the old photograph out from beneath his thigh, holding it gently by the edges as he slid the candle on the side table closer towards him. Kokoa. For the longest time this photograph was the only thing he had. Seeing her those weeks ago, it was nice, in a twisted way. To have heard her voice, seen her face, touched that skin…

"I am so sorry," he whispered, gazing down at her. "I can't make it go away this time. I can't fix it like I promised." He brushed a thumb over her figure, imagining her there beside him for a brief moment. If Kokoa had been there with him, perhaps he would have better handled what he was doing to Sasuke. If she was there, someone would be on his side; he wouldn't feel so helpless, so alone.

_"But now you're here, and I can finally tell you. I can finally get it off my chest. For the longest time, Itachi-san, ever since we were young, I ha –"_

_"I thought you said this wouldn't take long," he interrupted, not wanting her to finish the sentence. He couldn't let her. He wouldn't._

_"For the longest time – I just – I need to tell you. Always, I've always –"_

_"Kokoa, I don't want to hear it. Don't waste your breath on trivial things. I'm obviously uninterested," he spat, worry clouding his mind. She couldn't finish. She had to stop. Now. He wouldn't be able to handle it._

_"Itachi, I lov –"_

_She swallowed hard, shivering from the cold kunai pressed against her throat. Lowering his head to meet her eyes,_

_"I said that was enough,"_

He never let her finish because he already knew. Uchiha Itachi knew that Kokoa loved him more than anything, more than life itself. He had known for years, starting back when they were young. He knew before she realized it herself. He didn't let her finish because allowing her to confess would only cause more pain, pain for the both of them. He couldn't bear to hear the words leave her lips. Saying she loved him meant that she hadn't forgotten him, that she hadn't moved on, and he wished more than anything that she would just do so, so they could both walk away from it. And yet, while he wished for all this, deep inside he wanted to hear of her love from her own mouth. He fought with himself in that moment, and it still hurt to this day.

Maybe she needed that confession. Maybe it would have eased her, lifted a weight from her shoulders. He wasn't sure of anything, only that that she loved him, and he loved her.

That photograph eased him in dark times, but it also haunted him, and after seeing her for the first time in a while, he found himself staring at it for hours at a time, torturing himself with guilt and old memories as his eyes faded a little more each day.

But Kisame was suspicious. Kisame knew, and if Itachi kept acting out of character, if he kept moping around for this silly, little girl, he would get in trouble. He would risk ruining it all, and so he reminded himself who he was and what he had done like his partner had said to. And he kept telling himself "there is no way things will ever be ok again, even if Kokoa is willing to listen to your story, Itachi, it will never work."

He gasped softly, realized the dark dots on the photograph were a result of his own tears. He said he severed any and all ties, that he walked away, that Kokoa meant nothing. He had to let go. He had to let go.

Holding it by one corner, he dangled the photo above the small flame of the tableside candle, watching it dance and reach up. He closed his eyes, giving in and accepting his reality, and lowered his hand, watching the flame eat away the last proof of his happiness; the only evidence that he was a human who loved and cried. It curled, and burned, and fell to ash, and all that was left was the monster who had let go.

 

The petals fall...  
Her picture's worth a thousand words,   
So light it up and watch it burn,  
Ash to ash, lust to dust.  
Strike a match, incinerate, feel the flames of suffering.

  
Finally arriving, Kokoa fell to the grass before sliding up to lean against the fat tree trunk. She sighed loudly, letting the bottle roll from her hands. She slowly lifted her head.

"Tsk, if you're going to stand there and judge me, at least make it a little less obvious, Zaji," she barked before blinking and finding him before her.

"Who said I was trying to hide it from you, Kokoa?" he sneered.

"What? You're not going to arrest me again?"

"What for?"

"Underage drinking."

"It's unopened."

"So? I had someone buy it for me. Shouldn't that get me, I don't know, five or six months in prison?"

"Sassy little bitch today, aren't you?" he laughed. "While being in possession of and drinking alcohol at your age is prohibited, it isn't my job."

"Oh?"

"I'm to keep an eye to make sure you aren't running off to you murderous boyfriend again, or that miserable organization he's gotten himself into. I'm to make sure you know your place, that you don't step out of line, that you know we are always watching, and if you even think of betraying Konoha, we will end you. Babysitting you and the illegal, rebellious shit you want to mess with isn't on my to-do list, Kokoa. Do as you please. If you want to get drunk, be my guest. Perhaps you're more alive and interesting when you're completely trashed."

Heart racing, teeth grinding, she snatched the bottle and launched it at him. Zaji easily dodged, facing her with a laugh.

"I don't understand!" she shouted, aggressively rubbing her face.

"Ho?"

"The most I have ever done to you is talk back! I have never hurt you, or – or framed you, or touched you! Why do you keep doing this to me!? I get that it's your job. Fine! But you go out of your way to see me hurt and groveling in the dirt like some piece of garbage. Why are you ruining my life?"

"Your life was ruined ages ago. You've been this big mess for years, Kokoa. Stop acting so surprised, and stop blaming me. The only person you can blame other than yourself for being so weak is that bastard Itachi."

"But I –"

"You're a shinobi for God's sake. Act like one. Get your shit together. You're pathetic."

"I don't care about being a shinobi or being strong. I don't care about anything anymore."

"What about Uchiha Sasuke –"

"Sasuke is the only person I care about, but other than him, I couldn't care less."

"So training?"

"Why try?"

"Education?"

"Too much effort."

"Hobbies?"

"Waste of time."

"…Konoha?"

"Why should I give two shits about a village who feels the same about me?" she spat. "Why should I care about those elders, those people, the ones who turn their faces and spit insult after insult, after insult!? Why should I care about anyone or anything that has any relation to this godforsaken village!?" she screamed, pulling at her hair as she did so. Taking a few long breaths, she collapsed against the tree, with blurred vision and an aching head.

"You were more fun when you were younger. You had good comebacks and some spirit behind those eyes. Now you're just hollow, a shell of your former self, and so weak for letting a man like Itachi do this to you. You're a mess. When was the last time you combed your hair or had a good night's rest? How about a decent sized meal, you look ill. I liked it better when Kuroki Kokoa faced me with her chin held high, not slumped against a tree like a lifeless slab of meat."

He was gone. Kokoa's head wobbled, tilting from side to side before finally falling back against the bark. She blacked out. 


	35. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted chapters 34 and 35 at the same time, so make sure you didn't miss one of them! Thanks so much :)

Kokoa inched her way down the street, juggling a stack of books so high she couldn't see overtop of them.

"Come on, come on," she mumbled with her tongue sticking out. She stiffened, sensing someone approaching hard and fast. Deciding to let him have his fun, she let Sasuke tackle her, knocking the books to the stone street along with her.

"Hah! I got you!" he cheered.

"You jerk! I was holding stuff."

"So? I beat you."

"Sasuke…" Itachi sighed, walking up to the two.

"No, no, Itachi-san. He's right. Sasuke beat me."

"I know I didn't. You're a jonin, and I'm still in the academy. I just like pretending I'm strong enough," Sasuke explained.

"You will be someday. You'll be taller than me, and heck, you're an Uchiha. You'll definitely beat me, and maybe even Mr. Perfect here too," Kokoa chuckled, nudging Itachi's ribs. He shook his head with a smile.

"While that may be true, Kokoa, don't give him too much confidence. He has to work for that power."

"I do, Ni-san!"

"I know you do, Sasuke," he smiled, placing a hand on his head.

"What were you two lovely brothers up to? You look all messy." She crossed her arms.

"There was a mission –"

"This wild boar that Ni-san was supposed to take care of, and I tagged along because I wanted to use my bow and arrow! I thought I had it, but I ended up missing," Sasuke shrugged. "But he says he'll help me practice!"

"That's where we're going, if you'd like to join us, Kokoa," Itachi offered. She smiled, glancing down at her shoes. She always loved the way her name slipped between his lips.

"Of course. I just have to take these back." She started gathering the books.

"Where to?"

"Some are mine; those ones over there. And these four go to the library, and those two big ones are for Hokage-sama."

"Here." Itachi dropped to his knees beside her. "You take these to the Hokage's. I'll swing by the library, and Sasuke, could you take these to Kokoa's house? If we hurry, we'll have time to practice a lot today."

"Mhm!" The child ran over, picking up the thin books. "I'll be quick as lightening! Watch!" He scurried off.

"Did you really want us to finish quick, or was that a clever way to ditch your precious little brother?" Kokoa inquired, picking up the last book.

"Is it wrong if I say both?" he smirked. "You know I love him."

"More than anything. I know," she smiled.

"You can't blame me for wanting some time alone with you though, can you?" he said softly, brushing ebony hair behind her ear.

"I – eh –" she stammered, looking anywhere but at him.

"I think I'm the only one who gets you to stop talking," he chuckled, kissing her forehead. "You always have this anxiety whenever I'm around. Do you not like me, Kokoa?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Eh? Of – of course I like you!"   
"Then why are you always so jittery around me, like you're afraid?" He kissed her nose. She nearly squeaked.

"Jittery? I'm just shy – I can't help it! You always push me, and you know that," she pouted.

"But you're so much fun when you're flustered." He captured her lips in a sweet kiss. "You're fun to kiss too," he laughed shyly. She couldn't help but smile widely, meeting his eyes with her own; bright and happy. For once he was at peace. No missions, no stress. Today Itachi was Itachi; a young man who gave his everything to his family, to his brother, and to the girl he held so dearly.

"We should get going. At this rate Sasuke will beat us for sure," he stated.

"True. He'll probably make me buy him something. Sneaky child he is."

"It can't be helped."

"I guess I'll just get you some dango too then, Itachi-san. How does that sound."

"I'd like that very much, Kokoa."

  
Kokoa sat on the large, white boulder, watching the two brothers train while she stuffed half of Itachi's dango down her throat. At first she was against it, eating his food and all, but soon realized she was the one who paid for it and if he was upset he couldn't do anything about it.

A smile tugged at her lips. Watching the two warmed her heart. Itachi would surely make a great father. She could tell, the way he encouraged Sasuke but also corrected him when wrong; the smile that occasionally crawled across his face; the gentleness of his touch; his delicate voice. She found herself sighing deeply, wondering if it was possible to love the boy more than she already did.

"Mmm, Itachi-san, these are delicious," she teased. He straightened up, giving her a look.

"Stop distracting him, Kokoa-chan," Sasuke commented.

"I'm not distracting. I'm simply informing him how good these are."

"Yeah, yeah…but…I am kind of hungry…" Sasuke thought for a moment. "Ni-san, can we be done for today?"

"Done? Already? The one time I actually help you train, and you want to finish early?"

"Well it's been over and hour, and as much as I love it when you help me, I like spending time with you and Kokoa-chan more," he smiled. Itachi's expression softened.

"All right," he gave in. "But you're going to work twice as hard next time." He poked the child.

"Hai, haaaaiiii," he groaned, rushing to Kokoa. "You think we can eat all his dango before he walks over here, Kokoa-chan?"

"I don't know. Believe it or not, that weirdo over there is an ANBU captain, meaning he's super fast –"

"I'll take those. Thank you for holding them for me, Ko-ko-a," Itachi smirked, snatching the box from her.

"See?" She shook her head at Sasuke who giggled in response.

"You're just too good, Ni-san," he yawned, rubbing his eyes.

"Sasuke, why don't you head home. You're tired," Itachi suggested.

"Am not –" He let out another yawn.

"Go. Now."

"You want time with your girlfriend, just say so," he pouted, jumping to his feet.

"I'm just going to finish my snack and say goodnight. I'll follow you, Sasuke."

"Hai, hai. Well, night, Kokoa-chan!"

"Goodnight, Sasuke. Sleep well! Good luck with school,"

"Mhm!" He smiled one last time before rushing off.

"You were right, the dango is amazing," Itachi turned to her.

"You'd eat dango off the ground, Itachi. All dango is good to you."

"But – you're probably right," he sighed. "Shall I walk you home?"

"Oh you don't have to. It's about to get dark, and I live in the opposite direction. Besides, Sasuke returned home on his own. We don't need your father suspecting anything, you know?" she explained.

"True. If you're sure."

"No worries, really. Today was nice," she smiled.

"Hopefully I'll get more opportunities to help Sasuke and be with you. I really do enjoy the times we spend together, even the three of us."

"Like we have our own gang!" she cheered.

"Almost like a little family." She blinked, surprised by his words. The fact Itachi viewed the three of them the way Kokoa had many times…the warm smile as he spoke, the look in his eyes. She couldn't help but smile widely, so much that he noticed.

"Someone's happy," he chuckled.

"With you, always."

"Hmm," he hummed, touched by her comment. "We should head off. I don't need my father on my case anymore than he already is, and I don't like you to walk around at night."

"Oh come on, Tachi. I'm a shinobi after all."

"Is that so?"

"A kick ass one at that!"

"That you are." He kissed the top of her head.

"Oyasuminasai, Itachi-san."

"Goodnight, Kokoa."

Kokoa...

..........

"Kokoa. Kokoa. Oi, Kokoa, wake up," Sasuke repeated, gently shaking her. She peeled open her eyes, and for a split moment she saw Sasuke as he was years ago; an innocent child with bright eyes and a smile to match. A child who often tugged at her sleeve as he called for her. It faded.

"Kokoa, hey, wake up."

"Sasuke…?"

"What are you doing out here?"

"Out here?" She glanced around, terrified.

"It's dark and cold out. Why are you by the river?" He crouched down to her level. She leaned forward, holding herself.

"River?"

"Ah. Naka River –" He fell quiet. Saying it out loud made him realize its significance. Shisui.

"I think I came here earlier. I must've fallen asleep."

"Fallen asleep? You don't look so well."

"What are you saying?"

"You sure you didn't pass out?" he inquired. She shifted her gaze. "Kokoa, have you eaten anything?"

"When?"

"Why, have you been skipping again? Today, yesterday?" he pressed. She shook her head.

"Why not? That's why you're so pale and passed out. You've been gone for a while. I got – I was freaking out," he said quietly in the end. She faced him with a confused expression. Weren't they fighting?

'No, Kokoa. We're not fighting. I just feel so guilty for lying, and he won't accept my feelings for Itachi. It's just awkward is all. Still…'

"Do you hate me, Sasuke?" she whispered.

"Hate you?" he tilted his head in surprise. "You should really start listening. I told you once before. I don't hate you, Kokoa. I couldn't."

"I see…"

"Come on." He helped the girl to her feet, saddened by how she continued to use the tree for support.

"You never answered me. Did you eat anything?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I just didn't want to," she shrugged, shaking slightly.

"Here." He stepped closer, slipping his jacket of his own shoulders and helping her into it. "I don't need you catching a cold or the flu."

"Arigato."

"Come on." Taking her by the arm, he led her off back towards town. She was slow and unsteady, her head bobbing with each step as she fought to keep awake. His hold on her tightened in an assuring way.

 

Dancing dirty needles broke the tip off in her skin,  
The promises and false hopes are injected in her veins.  
It's almost Armageddon as she falls to the floor,  
Guilt straight affliction, now comatose.  
Emptiness, (In her head)  
She feels the room spin, (She forgets)  
Somebody call a doctor, (Her reason)  
We need an ambulance. (For living)

 

"Sasuke?"

"You gonna stand there like a lamppost?" he inquired as they stood before the small shop.

"Why are we here?" She stepped inside, taking a seat at the small bar.

"Well it's a restaurant. Why do people usually come here?" He said causally. Resting her hands on the counter, she fiddled with her thumbs, hunched over slightly on the stool. He pulled out his wallet, taking a quick look. The flames of the lanterns danced alluringly in the night.

"Order anything you want."

"Hm?" She faced him.

"You're starving, so get something to eat. Preferably something hot because you're still shaking, and whatever you decide to get, you're going to eat all of it…even if I have to force the rest of it down your throat."

"But I'm not –"

"Kokoa, you're not getting sick, and you're not going to starve yourself so long as I'm here, so stop arguing and just order something you like, please."

"Hai." She pulled the jacket around here, reveling the warmth for a bit. "What about you?" she whispered.

"What about me?"

"You eat too."

"I already ate."

"I won't eat unless you do."

"Really, Kokoa? How old are we?" he sighed.

"Doesn't matter how old we are."

"Fine, fine. I'll get soup or something." He scanned the small menu, hoping something would catch his attention. Every once in a while he'd sneak a peek at Kokoa. She really was a mess, physically and emotionally. Guilt hung over his head. Part of why she was so upset was because Kokoa felt awful for keeping her feelings from Sasuke. He blamed her, felt betrayed, refused to understand where she was coming from.

Sasuke hated Itachi. He hated him for killing the Uchiha, but he also hated him for what he had done to Kokoa. She wasn't an Uchiha. She wasn't involved, so why drag her down with him? Why did he have to ruin her life too? Sasuke hated the pain Itachi caused her, and he started hating himself for doing the same thing. Blaming and judging her for the way she felt about Itachi wasn't fair. Sasuke couldn't understand it, but he didn't want to be like his brother. He didn't want to hurt the girl he cared so much for.

 

"Even if you don't want to, can we still talk?" Sasuke inquired, tossing the apartment keys over on the table. Kokoa stood in the small living room staring off at the tiny candy wrapper that laid on the floor.

"Talk? What about?"

"What's going on with you."

"Not much really."

"Kokoa."

"What do you want me to say, Sasuke? Everything's out of control. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"With what?"

"Myself. I don't know how much more I can take – how much longer I'll last before I fall apart."

"Kokoa…" He walked over with concern in his voice and eyes.

"Listen, Sasuke. You're always going to be a victim. You're the boy whose brother abandoned him right after slaughtering the clan. It was all taken away from you. You're the last Uchiha, one who has experienced so much death and pain at such a young age. But me…"

"What about you?"

"I'm guilty. The people of this village will always see me as the girl involved with Itachi, involved with the massacre. You don't understand what it's like to walk down the street and have people whisper and point. You don't have ANBU and Root members tracking every movement. I can't even use the bathroom in peace! You don't know what it's like to not be assigned missions weeks at a time, to not have friends, to know that you'll never be free. I've been in this hell since the day Itachi left, and meeting up with him a few weeks ago only made it worse."

He closed his eyes. She was right. He didn't understand. He didn't know.

"And you don't know how hard it is for me to look you in the eye, Sasuke! I am so sorry for letting you believe I was ok. So sorry for lying. I did it to protect you as a child. I didn't want to rub it in your face. And I was afraid that you'd hate me when you were older for feeling this way, for still loving him." She held herself with one arm. The other sat against her cheek, pushing damp hair and hot tears from her eyes.

"It's just that everything I do is wrong! And I feel so guilty for everything I say, for everything I think, and do, and feel, like I'm the enemy, a monster. I don't mean to hurt you. I don't mean to make things hard. I don't mean to be this mess of a person, but I just can't help it anymore. I can't keep it together. I want to be happy, Sasuke, here with you, and Kakashi, and Naruto, but I just can't, I just can't! I try, I try to be happy, but my heart hurts and it's just not in me – like my head won't let me be happy – like I'm sick or something. I've just been stuck for so long, and every time something happens my life just gets worse. I should be thankful for being alive, thankful for having you and this house, but I find it so hard to wake up in the morning. Besides you and Itachi, it's so hard to care about anything in this world. I can't even take care of myself…"

Without giving it thought, he stepped forward and placed a hand at the base of her neck, pulling her down towards him so that her face sat nuzzled in the crook of his neck as he gently folded his arms around her waist. His action surprised her, and touched her in a way that made her cry harder. Kokoa had wanted this for so long; to be comforted by someone who cared, someone who knew her.

She wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing herself closer as she sobbed in his embrace. For the first time in a while, Kokoa broke down completely in front of Sasuke. She confessed, broke open, let it out, only this time he was able to be there for her. This time Uchiha Sasuke put aside his misunderstandings and his feelings about Itachi, and he loved her the way she loved his brother. He held her close, comforted Kokoa the way she comforted him all those years, as she stood there, bleeding.

Sick, as she smiles,  
One last goodbye, this girl she cried so hard.  
Broken bones, but I can't help her,  
She's too far gone, apocolips, she soon will die.  
This love,   
This love.  
This love and I can't let her go for my body and soul  
This love,   
This love.   
This love and I can't let her go for my body and soul.


	36. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's been a while, and I'm really sorry about that. Life got in the way. I'll try to resume updating regularly. Thanks for stopping by :)

He sat in the dark, as usual, twiddling his thumbs, thinking aggressively on what he should do - on what he should do with himself. Sasuke was an Uchiha, so he had no choice but to be involved with the massacre and with Itachi, but Kokoa wasn't. She wasn't from the clan; she didn't know any of their secrets. She was an orphan who grew up on her own and all alone with no one but Itachi to help her smile and beileve in herself. She was a pure girl, innocent, and at times naïve, but Itachi dyed her heart black, and he tore her to pieces, and he left her on the floor without even bothering to clean up the mess, and the fact tortured him.

"Tch..." He rubbed his face with a sigh before leaning over and blowing gently, extinguishing the candle with the dancing flame.

 

"I'm sorry for getting sick," Kokoa mumbled as she sat nuzzled in the couch.

"I guess it's what happens when you fall asleep in the cold next to big bodies of water," he said dully. Their relationship was much better after Kokoa's break down, but it was obvious she still felt guilty and conflicted, and it was obvious that Sasuke still couldn't understand or accept her feelings for Itachi. Still, they were there for each other, and it was about time the tides turned and Sasuke took care of her for once.

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I can't cook anything."

"I'm a shinobi, Kokoa. I can go a while without a home cooked meal. No big deal, so stop worrying. You'll never get better if you keep working and worrying over things," he explained. She looked away, chewing on her cheek as she remembered once saying the same to Itachi.

"Hai..."

"Try to sleep. Judging by the circles under your eyes and what you've told me, you haven't slept much. You're starting to look like that Gaara guy."

"I'll try," she whispered, feeling her eyes fall slowly and sleep coiling his slends arms around her. Sasuke let his shoulders fall, blowing a strand of hair from his face. How long would it last? How long would they be like this; stuck? Kokoa was miserable, and Sasuke was pretty close. They were happy in the past, right? No. Kokoa just hid her true feelings and Sasuke was too naïve, too young to realize the situation. They were never happpy. Not since Itachi left.

Rushing to her bedroom, he jogged back with a small blanket, gently draping it over the fast asleep girl. He wanted her to be happy...with him. More than anything, but Sasuke new better than to expect that because she loved Itachi. How could he expect her to depend on him when he was still so obsessed with revenge? He knew in the future he wouldn't be able to be there for her, not until Itachi was dead.

 

"Naruto?"

"I heard you were sick, so I stopped by to check on you, Kokoa-chan," he smiled. "I was getting myself a snack, then I grabbed you one. That's why I ran. I didn't want it to melt," he chuckled, handing her the two stick popsicle. She took it with a light laugh.

"Arigato, Naruto. I'm feeling better."

"That's good. So Sasuke is being useful for once."

"For once? If it wasn't for me you'd get your ass kicked on every mission, usuratonkachi," he mumbled.

"Oh, no snack for Sasuke?" Kokoa thought loudly.

"Oops…I didn't think. I was in a rush."

"It's whatever," the Uchiha shrugged.

"Here," Kokoa and Naruto said simultaneously, snapping half of their dessert and holding it out for him. Sasuke eyed Naruto as he gently reached and took the stick from Kokoa. The blond stuck his tongue out before enjoying the rest of it.

"Before it melts," Kokoa chuckled, nudging Sasuke. He smiled a smile Naruto had never seen.

"How come you're nice around her but not anyone else, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

"See? That's what I'm talking about."

"I must be that special," Kokoa shrugged. "Can't help it."

"Must be. Jeez, tehehe." He now eyed the raven haired boy. He was different with Kokoa, so much that even Naruto noticed. Sasuke remained quiet. She was special; always had been.

"Let's all get food!"

"No way, loser."

"I am hungry, Sasuke. And I didn't cook anything from being sick. If you don't want to starve, I suggest taking Naruto up on his offer," she sighed, tugging at his sleeve as she rose to her feet.

"Tsk, fine."

"This will be fun," she smirked, throwing arms around both boys.

 

"I can't believe we're actually doing this," Sasuke muttered with his arms crossed over his chest. Kokoa blew a strand of hair from her face, happy to get some fresh air. Naruto shook his head.

"Am I that bad, Sasuke?" he inquired. The Uchiha looked over, not saying anything. He didn't hate Naruto. Not at all. If anything he was jealous; jealous of his growth, his determination, and heart.

"Is that…?" Kokoa paused, squinting to make out the figure in the distance.

"I think it is. Ooooiiii! Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted, waving both hands to grab his attention. The sensei strolled over soon enough.

"Kokoa, long time no see," he smiled. "How have you been?"

"You know…around," she shrugged. "I got sick – still am. Naruto suggested getting a bite. Join us?"

"Oh I would, but I have something I need to take care of," he explained. "I'll take a rain check. Some other time."

"Yeah, yeah. Off to read that pervy book I bet," Naruto sneered.

"Sounds good," Kokoa said softly. "Some other time."

"Ja ne." He was off.

 

"You didn't bring your jacket?" Sasuke sighed, leaning back on his stool.

"I didn't think it'd be cold out."

"It isn't, but you're shaking."

"The ramen is warming me up. I'll be fine," Kokoa assured him as she sat between the boys. Naruto scarfed down bite after bite, making the others wonder if he'd ever come up for air.

"That was delicious! Old man, another please!"

"Hai!"

"Someone loves their ramen. I almost forgot." Kokoa chuckled.

"Mhm – oh? Look, Sasuke. It's Sakura-chan," he pointed out. Sasuke closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Sakura-chan! Over here!"

"Naruto – Sasuke-kun!" she giggled, stepping into the shop. Her gaze fell on Kokoa.

"Sakura, this is Kokoa-chan. You've seen her before."

"It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Kokoa replied, unable to keep Sasuke's opinion of the girl out of her head. She managed a smile out of kindness and courtesy.

"Sit down. Have some food," Naruto offered.

"Hmm, I was only about to go home, but that can wait. Why not?"

"You can sit here –"

"So, Sasuke-kun, anything new?" she plopped down beside him. Naruto let his shoulders fall in defeat.

"Well this sucks…"

  
Naruto spent the rest of the time eating away his feelings, Sakura talked, and talked, and squealed, and talked, and Sasuke sat quietly with his jaw clenched. Kokoa lost interest a long time ago. It was nice going out for a bit, a change of scenery, especially with the two boys she was fond of, but she grew tired quickly and not just from being sick. All she wanted now was her bed and the dark. Smiling took too much energy. Having fun – or trying to required effort. There's also the fact Sakura hadn't…stopped…talking…

Sasuke leaned towards Kokoa, praying that doing so would somehow save him from his pink haired teammate. A sign at last. Kokoa leaned forward, coughing into her fist.

"You ok?" Naruto asked, facing her with concerned eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fi –" She coughed again, harder, louder, and some of it was real.

"You don't sound ok –"

"She's been sick," Sasuke interrupted Sakura. "I should take you home. It's getting dark and cold. That's the last thing you need," he jumped at the chance to get out.

"Oh but we're having fun," Kokoa protested, just to tease him.

"I've had all the fun I can handle. Let's go." He grabbed her arm and started off.

"She's so weird. She barely said anything," Sakura hummed.

"But she's nice."

"And they live together, right? I still don't know what that's all about. He couldn't possibly be seeing her…could he? Oh no, Sasuke-kun's fallen for an older woman!"

"Now, now, Sakura-chan, they have a history. She's been around Sasuke and his family since he was a kid. There's a lot of stuff that happened."

"Oh. Still, their relationship is just so mysterious and strange."

"Ask her about it."

"Wouldn't that be random? And nosey?"

"Never stopped you before."

"Naruto…"

"Hehe, sorry, sorry."

  
  
"Took you long enough to get us out of there," Sasuke commented.

"I was annoyed too, but you just can't leave people like that."

"This coming from the girl who hates everyone."

"Naruto is the sweetest soul. He has a pure heart. And Sakura…well she means well. Besides, I don't hate everyone…everyone hates me."

"I didn't mean it –"

"You're fine," she assured him. "I'm really tired though, and half of that coughing fit was real, so perhaps I should get some sleep before I cough up a lung."

"You won't be able to sleep. You took a three hour nap earlier."

"I can try," she said with a shrug.

"I need to get to bed too. Mission tomorrow. Not looking forward to it."

"That's the spirit, Sasuke," she sighed.

"Well night, Kokoa."

"Oyasumi, Sasuke." She started off.

"Kokoa?"

"Hm?" She paused.

"I know it was hard, but seeing you like that today, laughing a little, smiling just a bit…it's like a part of the old you."

"Oh?"

"I miss you."

"I miss me too."

 

Sasuke was right. There was no way Kokoa would fall asleep in the next two hours or so. Throwing the covers off of her in a fit of frustration, she sat up, brushing away a few runaway tears. She'd do anything to be the old Kokoa again, but it was simply impossible. With things staying the way they were now, there was no way she'd ever come back, no way Kokoa would ever move on. And as much as she wanted to feel better and live again, she also didn't want to let Itachi go. As always, it was Kokoa fighting and suffering against her own internal battles, all alone, silently.

She crawled over to the window, cracking it open just a bit. A tender smile graced her lips at the memory of how Itachi would gently climb in, slipping off his shoes at times before stepping onto her bed, back in her old apartment.

"How could such a sweet boy make such a big mess?" she whispered, gazing out into the dark, thinking that if she waited long enough and looked hard enough she'd see the love of her heart.   


Slipping outside, he looked up, surprised to feel the cold rain falling against his skin. Itachi popped the collar of his cloak as he ventured out into the night unknown to anyone. Sitting in his room and thinking it over, he felt it was something he had to do. It was only right, fair. It hurt too much. It hurt more than anything.

He paused, a foot squising in the mud, and discretely slid a kunai from his sleeve. Furrowing his brow, he turned.

"Kisame?"

"Fancy meeting you here, no?" the swordsman smirked, digging Samehada into the mud to lean on. Itachi let down his gaurd, putting away the knife. He stood there, shoulders down with half lidded eyes.

"This is where we talk," Kisame pushed.

"You knew I left?"

"To be honest, I didn't sense you at all. You did a perfect job of leaving like that, but I did see you sitting on the edge of your bed by that candle the way you usually do when you're thinking of seomthing serious. I figured you were planning something, so when I checked on you earlier, it turned out I was right. So, what brings you out here in this miserable weather?"

"I needed..."

"Hmm? Don't try lying, Itachi-san. We both know I'll see through any excuse you throw at me. Besides, if you're honest now I won't have to go behind your back and question where your loyalties lie."

"I know."

"Is it Konoha?"

"Not at all."

"Then it must be that girl...Kokoa," he said. Itachi sighed, shrugging because there was nothing else he could do.

"What about her then, Itachi-san? Do you still -"

"Love her."

"Oh, how interesting," he grinned, eager for more. "Go on."

"I loved her dearly – since we were children. She was always by my side. I don't regret the massacre, and I don't regret Akatsuki, but I wish more than anything she was here by my side where she belongs. Didn't you say once, we all have something we hold dear, even those who do the things we do?"

"Something along those lines."

"Is it wrong for someone like me to still want a person like her?"

"I don't think. If she's been by you all this time and on your mind even now, she must have understood you like on one else, listened to you when others didn't. You might have killed off your own flesh and blood, but like you once said, we're all human. You're human."

"Kisame-san..."

"Were you going to go after her?"

"At first, but I wouldn't know how to approach, what to say or do. Besides, it turns out she's already in a lot of trouble for ever associating with me. I'd make things worse, if that's possible. I made her life hell."

"Well if it's that bad, why not save her? Be the hero just this once. Win the girl," he cooed. Itachi swallowed hard. Kokoa would follow him if he asked. He knew. He saw it in her eyes when they met, but would he really do it? Would he take her away from everything she knew, from her home? From Sasuke? Could he be selfish just this once?

"If you're going, I suggest going now and fast. I can only cover for you for so much, you know," Kisame stated.

"Why are you willing to go so far for me?"

"You've been a good partner, Itachi-san. We all have personal matters, business of or own we need to settle, so just this once I'll look the other way."

With only a nod of his head, Itachi turned on his heels and disappeared into the night.


	37. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been ages since the last update, and I am so sorry for that. August was really crappy. I was out of town about three different times, I had family visiting, and the semester started, so it was just terrible. It took me a minute to get used to my classes and schedule too. Now that it's all calmed down, I can get back to updating for you. 
> 
> I'll be transferring some of my other work to this account over the next few weeks too, but that's up to you if you're interested.
> 
> Also, my Tumblr is Melkor_16 if any of you lovely folks are curious. And the Facebook page is where I post updates, questions, all that stuff to stay in contact; Facebook .com/Shadowbender16
> 
> Thanks for stopping by ^^

Crouched down on all fours, he slowly rose, dark robes bellowing in the violent night wind as he stood atop the wall, gazing out at Konoha with eyes as crimson as the clouds on his uniform. He was home again – Uchiha Itachi. He remained in place, still watching the sleeping village. Where was she? Where was Kokoa? He tried listening, focusing in an attempt to pick up her chakra or Sasuke's, but nothing. While he was skilled, he wasn't a specifically trained sensory type. He would have to get closer in order to find her, and he would have to be careful not to get caught by anyone, especially Sasuke. While Kokoa would be more than willing to hear him out, Sasuke would cause a scene, and Itachi wouldn't let it happen. He inched forward, ready to move.

"Kokoa."

 

Kokoa shot up in bed with a gasp, clawing at her chest to calm down. Catching her breath, she threw the covers off of her, pissed to have woken up after finally falling asleep for the first time in the last two days – or was it three? She sat hunched over, listening to the haunting silence that echoed through the house. Sasuke laid sound asleep in his room. Sometimes she would hear him move around. Other times the walls creaked and moaned, or the faucet in the hall bathroom dripped for a while, but tonight there was only silence – an eerie silence that made the hairs on her neck stiffen, a silence that signaled something was coming; the same feeling she had a while ago, back when Itachi and his partner came after Naruto. Crawling over to her window, she cracked it open just a bit for some air, half lidded eyes gazing out at the moon in the distance. Was it the same sign? Was Itachi coming again for Naruto?

"Is he coming for me?"

  
He stepped off the wall, casually falling, ready to touch ground and dash off to find her, but then it struck him, her words, the warning he should have considered before ever leaving the base. Ripping a kunai from his pouch, he jammed it into the wall to stop his falling. He managed to attach his feet and hung there, concealed by the darkness, hiding his face in the raised collar of his cloak.

_"Ever since you left, I've been as guilty as you in the eyes of the Konoha elders, villagers, and even other shinobi. When you killed everyone and escaped, they blamed me. They suspected me. The hokage and his ANBU dogs harassed me, tortured me, showed up at random times for no reason to "question" me. I'll always be known as the girl who was associated with you. I'll always be a suspect in their eyes, treated like a monster, a pariah."_

They watched her. They were always watching, meaning sneaking around the village wouldn't be easy. Itachi could probably handle ANBU and Root, but what if they outnumbered him? He couldn't risk a fight, and he wasn't one for unnecessary conflict especially with his fading eyes. They were watching Kokoa, always. There was no way he'd be able to talk to her or even find her.

Swinging a bit to gain momentum, he flipped, returning to the top of the wall; fists tight, jaw clenched, eyes narrowed. He was defeated. Itachi had lost. What was he to do now? There was no way to get to her. He lowered himself to sit, legs dangling over the edge, eyes damp, sighing a painful sigh.

  
Kokoa blew a strand of hair from her eyes. She thought she had gotten over her sickness, and she did for a day or two, but it came back stronger than before, leaving her with body aches, chills, and a throbbing head; migraines that pounded in her ears, and pounded, and pounded so hard and so loud she couldn't even fall asleep. Shivering, she shut the window and crawled back to her spot in bed, reaching into the small drawer of her nightstand. She sat, knees to chest, and brought an open palm close to her face, the Uchiha pendant lying there, cold.

"Part of me wants to forget you…so I can move on and do something with my life, but…I really don't want to forget you, to forget us." She glanced over to the window.

"I still love you with all my heart, Itachi-san."

  
Still sick, Kokoa was more miserable than usual, moping around the house with a blanket dragging behind her, curled up on the couch in dim lighting, locked away in her room doing God only knows what, and Sasuke noticed this of course. He was used to her somber mood by now, but he picked up whenever she felt worse than usual, and it affected him. It made him hate Itachi more. It enforced his desire for revenge. And Kokoa noticed that Sasuke had been slipping further as well. To put it bluntly, Kokoa felt shittier than normal, Sasuke noticed and lost his mind more than he already had, and Kokoa saw that he was slipping so she felt even worse; an endless cycle of hatred, pain, and vengeance, and neither were willing to talk about it anymore than they already had. Kokoa knew he was planning something, but it became more obvious with each passing week, and it worried her.

She stood in the kitchen blowing to cool a cup of tea.

"Have some patience," Sasuke commented, walking by.

"You're one to talk," she mumbled, rubbing her head with a free hand.

"Still feel like death?"

"You have no idea."

"You went to the doctor's, didn't you?"

"Ah, but no word on the results yet. I could be dying."

"Most likely not. Sorry to burst your bubble," he sighed, slipping into his shoes. He paused for a moment, staring at nothing in particular as he rubbed the pulsing curse mark on his neck. Kokoa glanced over and set the cup down.

"Is it bothering you?"

"Hm?" He shook his head, snapping back to reality. "Not really –"

"Sasuke."

"It's just…sore. I don't know. It's nothing."

"If it's acting up, tell Kakashi. I know Jiraiya-sama now, and so does Kakashi. Maybe he can help –"

"I'm fine, Kokoa. Stop worrying."

"But if it hurts –"

"I said stop worrying. You're already sick. Besides, I can handle it." He put on the second shoe. "I'm going to train. I'll be back later."

"Ok," she whispered, watching him leave. She sighed, turning back to her tea.

"Yo."

"Shit–" The cup wobbled in her hands, but Kakshi caught it in time.

"Sorry," he chuckled nervously, setting it on the counter. She faced him.

"Kakashi-san, why are you here? And next time don't sneak up on me."

"Shouldn't you have noticed me?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I still feel like crap. You're lucky I can even see straight," she coughed.

"Well I'll help you see while we walk. You need to come to the Hokage's office."

"What? Why?" she spat, wiping the spilt tea with an old, white rag.

"It's important. I'll explain on the way –"

"I'm so sick of these random call ins and – and interrogations! I'm so sick of them expecting me to drop everything just so I can be harassed and humiliated! I know I don't have much going on, but it's like I live at that damned building." She threw the rag in the sink, using her sleeve to wipe the sweat from her brow.

"Kokoa–"

"I'll go, Kakashi-san. Just – I need a minute, ok."

"Let me –"

"Please!" She begged through gritted teeth. He sighed with a wave of his hand.

"Hai, hai." He was gone. She leaned over, gripping the edges of the counter while panting, panting from yelling and from being ill.

"Tch…I can't do this…" She stood in place, eyes glued to the door, vision fuzzy, lips parted. With a loud, painful cry, she launched the cup, smashing it against the door, pieces flying everywhere.

 

Kokoa dragged herself into the office, holding her head as she stood before Tsunade. She really hadn't interacted much with her since her inauguration as Hokage, not that Kokoa had any hope things would get better.

"So," Tsunade started, shifting a few papers around. Kakashi stood in the back. "Kuroki Kokoa was it? What brings you here?" She looked up. That struck a nerve. Kokoa's hands balled into fists, tight fists.

"What brings me here? I was summoned."  
"Summoned? By who?"

"Wait– I wasn't?"

"I didn't call for you."

"So why the hell am I here?"

"Hmm," Tsunade narrowed her eyes at her attitude.

"Hehe, let me," Kakashi stepped in. "I tried explaining to you at your house Kokoa, but you weren't listening."

"What is it?" She faced him.

"I was trying to help you."

"How?"

"Kakashi?" Tsunade inquired.

"By know you must know about Kokoa," he told her. The medic thought for a moment.

"Kuroki…oh, you're the one – the Uchiha massacre." She remembered. Kokoa sighed.

"She's been watched ever since the incident, Tsunade-sama, and even I have to admit it's too much. I've known Kokoa for years. I've worked alongside her, watched her grow, and Uchiha Sasuke is my student. I know her. She's innocent, but can't seem to shake the suspicion. I know it isn't my authority to give orders and clear her record, but the ANBU watching her every move…she hasn't left the village in ages. Is it really that necessary?"

"Are you vouching for her, Kakashi?"

"…Yes."

"Kakashi-san, you don't have to do this," Kokoa warned. "You'll just get sucked into it."

"You don't deserve to be treated like some experiment, Kokoa. If they won't arrest you then they shouldn't keep following you like you're up to no good. You never leave the house. Jiraiya-sama seems fond of her. He would agree with me."

"But he isn't here, Kakashi, and even if he was I can't just change things. I know I'm Hokage, but there are rules, and I haven't been in office too long," Tsunade explained. Kokoa rubbed her face with both hands, clenching her jaw as she fought to suppress a groan or some sound of pain.

"However, I see how it can be too much, having several shinobi following you. I can call off my two ANBU."

"Two?" Kokoa managed through the pain. "There's usually four or five, one who is always there. That – that Zaji or whatever."

"Sarutobi only had two ANBU assigned to you."

"Then who – what…"

"The other shinobi watching you are Root members it seems," Tsunade said, a bit of resentment in her tone.

"Root?"

"An underground organization. They're a branch of ANBU, similar but with differing views and a stricter way of operating. They do as they please without anyone's approval, only that of their founder, Shimura Danzo."

"Shimura…Danzo?"

_  
A figure caught her attention. Her eyes gazed upon an older man, bandages covered his forehead and right eye, and a walking stick sat in his hand. Itachi noticed, and turned his attention to the scene. The man stood speaking to two older shinobi._

_"Ne, Itachi-san, I know him. I've seen him only once though. His name is on the tip of my tongue." She whispered, tapping her chin as she thought it over._

_"Shimura…Danzo…"_

_"Aha, that's it. He's one of the elders. I hear he's also involved in some type of underground work. I don't really know him."_

_"You should keep it that way."_

 

"So he's been the one ruining everything?" She turned away, pulling at her hair.

"Root members answer only to him. It's not my place to call them off, even if I am Hokage," Tsunade sighed. Kokoa shook her head. The pain became unbearable. The room spun, her ears rung. Without realizing, she lost her balance, heading to the floor. Kakashi stepped over, catching her.

"Are you all right?" he whispered. She stepped away.

"I need to go home."

"Are you -?

"I can't – it hurts too much," she said through fits of coughing. Tsunade rose to her feet.

"Kakashi, what's going on?"

"I don't know," he said, trying to get Kokoa to respond normally. She pushed off of him, stumbling to the door. Finally opening it, she ran off.

"What's wrong with Kokoa-chan?" Naruto questioned, walking in. "Is she still sick?"

"She was sick?" Tsunade said.

"For a while. Sasuke said it was because she fell asleep in the cold one day, but she looked terrible."

"That wasn't normal, and I doubt it was a reaction to hearing I can't call off the Root. Kakashi, just who is this girl?"

"She went to the doctor the other day. I saw her leaving. Ne, Tsunade no bachan, you think you could check her tests?" Naruto suggested. She glanced between the sensei and student. They both seemed to care for the girl despite the trouble she had gotten into.

"As soon as I get the chance," she said, curious herself as to what happened to Kokoa.

  
"You wanted to talk, Kakashi."

"Thanks for coming, Jiraiya-sama. It's about Kokoa."

"Oh, Kokoa. How is she? I haven't been around to see her."

"I would say she's as you'd expect someone in her situation to be, but believe it or not, she worse."

"Worse?"

"Well for one she found out Tsunade-sama can't pull the ANBU from watching her. Most are Root members working only for Danzo," he said, his voice low.

"Root? Jeez," the Sannin shook his head.

"And she's physically not well."

"Do tell," he crossed his arms as they walked side by side.

"She fell ill a little while ago from being outside in the cold for too long. At first it was a cold or the flu. Sasuke took care of her. She was better for a few days, but now she's worse than before. She ran out of the Hokage's office in some sort of haze."

"Mhm."

"I stopped by to check on her earlier, after the incident. Jiraiya-sama, she's been clawing at her face and head out of excruciating pain. I don't think it's any normal flu or cold. She's literally ripping the hair from her head. She said she's been locking herself in her room in the dark because light bothers her and she can't seem to tolerate anything or anyone. She doesn't want to lash out at Sasuke. I would say she's facing something, like some internal conflict and it's making her sick, but this is severe and unheard of. I'm worried."

"I might have something that will explain all this," he said casually.

"You do?" Kakashi gasped, stunned by how calmly Jiraiya responded.

"I know something Kakashi. I've been around for a while. I will tell you what I know, but first there's some form of print record that will help clarify things. I'll have to dig around for it."

"So she isn't sick?"

"Now, she could be, so don't ignore the test results, but I think I know what it is. Unfortunately Danzo is still watching her. He knows she associates with us, so we'll have to be careful about passing around information like this. Let's avoid each other for a few days. I'll come to you when I have what you need. If I'm right, Danzo could have other reasons to watch her besides her relationship with Itachi.

"Understood."

"Well I'll go for now. I have some research to attend to," he smirked.

"Sayonara."

  
"Kokoa?" Sasuke tapped gently at her door. "I know you aren't feeling well. You seemed to be in a lot of pain. Can I do anything?"

"I'm all right."

"Are you really?"

"…No, but nothing's helping the pain. I just need to sit in the dark. Maybe I'll fall asleep. It's been a rough day."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"Arigato."

 

"You have my test results?"

"You had me worried, Kokoa. I thought I'd help out."

"I'm sorry, Kakashi, for lashing out at you in the office. I appreciate you vouching for me, honest."

"It's all right."

"So," she paced the kitchen. "What is it? Lay it on me. Brain tumor? Am I dying? Tuberculosis?"

"Your results are normal, everything. No abnormal blood cell count, no clots, nothing out of the ordinary."

"Hn."

"Tsunade-sama looked over your tests as well."

"Why?"

"She was just as surprised as I was when you ran out of there. Besides, she is the best of the best. Kokoa, she couldn't find anything. Nothing. Not one trace of any physical problem –"

"Oh God," she gasped, falling on one of the dining table chairs. She bent over, elbows on her knees, face in her hands.

"What is it?" he inquired, walking over. "Kokoa?"

"No physical problem. No sign of any physical defect, sickness, no tumor, nothing."

"What are you getting at –"

"I’m out of my mind…"

"What?"

"Ill, mentally ill."

"Now you don't know that –"

"What else could it be!? Episodes of depression, one day I'm fine and the other I'm sobbing in my room. The anxiety, the irritation –"

"You've been through a lot. Those are normal reactions to your situation."

"I'm sick…" She sat silently, staring at her hands, numb. Kakashi looked away sadly. What if she was right?

"You should get those types of tests done before jumping to conclusions, Kokoa," he stated. She said nothing.

"I'll be around. Take it easy for now. You'll figure this out."

 ~~~

"Itachi, yo."

"Shisui?" He looked up from the report.

"Look at you hard at work."

"Hn, joke all you want."

"Listen, Kokoa's name, it's Kuroki right?"

"It is. Why?"

"I was in the library, the restricted section researching something and I came across this." Checking to ensure no one was looking, he slipped a folded piece of parchment from his sleeve.

"What is that?" Itachi sat up, putting the report aside.

"Some old document about the Kuroki. It has some information, something about their history, like our tablet."

"And it was in the library?"

"Yeah. It looks real too. Look," he smiled, gently setting it before his friend.

"Kuroki…her family."

"Does she know anything about her clan? It's a small one, scattered, but what really surprised me was this, Itachi."

"What?"

"One second," he chuckled, carefully folding and unfolding parts of the document.

"Mmmm, here. Look. Do you think she knows?"

"Hang on –" Itachi's lips parted at the words on the page. "Shisui – is this – that –"

"Crazy? Yeah, I know. Who'd a thunk!"

"I don't think she knows. Surely she would have mentioned it. She tells me everything."

"I mean this was buried away in the restricted section. I don't think anyone was meant to know it even existed. And she never knew her parents or any other Kuroki."

"Kokoa…you…"


	38. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #38

"You're leaving?"

"New mission. Kakashi says we have to take it. Honestly, it has been a while, Kokoa."

"I just - I just worry, you know."

"I know."

"Things will only get harder as you grow older."

"Then I'll have to get stronger," he said, Orochimaru flashing through his mind.

"How is it? Your curse mark I mean."

"There. It's fine...for now. How about you? Your head?"

"Still excruciating. I want to split my head open with an ax to make it stop, or smash my face against glass. It's ruthless, whatever the hell it is."

"Any idea? Kakashi was here talking about it, right?"

"...He said there's nothing in my tests. Even the mighty Tsunade couldn't find anyhting," she mocked with a wave of her hands. "I told Kakashi I might just be out of my mind, and I'm starting to believe it, that I may have...mental issues..." she turned her face.

"Are you gonna follow up on that or diagnose yourself?" he sighed.

"Hm?" she glanced over, surprised by his reaction. "What, not surprised I might be crazy, Sasuke? People already talk. Can you imagine if I really am –"

"So what? If you're sick then get help and get better because I hate seeing you like this. People are going to talk regardless, so you might as well feel ok about yourself while they are. If you're sick, then you're sick. Sucks ass, I know, but it can't be helped, and I'd be quite the asshole if I laughed at you for having mental issues when I myself have freaked out in the past." He slipped into his shoes and adjusted the pouch on his leg. Kokoa stood there speechless. This was possibly the first time Sasuke so willingly admitted his faults and allowed Kokoa to have her own.

"So you..."

"So I'm not going to run away if you really are crazy, Kokoa," he smirked. "I said I'd be there for you. Besides, it's not like you do it on purpose. That bastard is the one who caused all this, not you," he mumbled. She glanced away, chewing on her lip. Sasuke paused, catching what he had said. Kokoa loved Itachi but Sasuke could only say negative things about him. He still couldn't accept her feelings.

"Well I'm off. Be careful. Get some rest. You'll have a few days to just sleep."

"I'll try."

"All right. Good." He nodded before heading for the door.

"Ne, Sasuke?" she called out softly. He paused in the doorway, turning only his head.

"Thank you."

"Ah." With a nod, he gently shut the door behind him, forcing the sun back outside, leaving Kokoa in the dim light. She fell onto the sofa with a thud, head thrown back, eyes shut, falling asleep in minutes.

 

\---

"All right, now I know it's only the beginning of the year, but that doesn't mean we're going to take it easy," the instructor started. "We're doing a project next. You already have the prompt. You will work in pairs or groups of no more than three. Because you've been well behaved so far, I will allow you to choose your partners, but I warn you, choose wisely. Your partners will most likely be yours until the end of the year. You will work on this over the next few days." He gazed out at his class, sighing at their bored faces.

"All right, fine. Go ahead and pick your partners." He shook his head as he strolled back to his desk. At once, the students came to life, rushing across the room and up and down the rows to meet up. She sat not in the far back but not necessarily up front either, more towards the middle, tapping a pencil against the blank sheet of paper lying on the desk before her. She quietly rose to her feet, scanning the room, rubbing her arm shyly.

"Kin! Over here"

"Sora, partners?"

"Karin, Reiji!" They huddled together. Kokoa remained in place, unsure how to ask, unable to open her mouth and speak up. There were plenty of pairs who could add a third member, and no one really had a problem with her, but she found it hard to make the first move, so she stood there, struggling with herself.

Sitting to her left in the row above her, Itachi also scanned the room. He really wasn't fond of group assignments, but it couldn't be helped.

"Minori, should we find a third person?"

"Is there anyone left?" They turned, looking around. Kokoa noticed, and her lips parted, but nothing came out. Sighing in frustration, she let her shoulders fall, hating herself for being so shy, always missing out on things. Shifting to sit down, she glanced up, meeting onyx eyes that held a maturity the rest of the students lacked; knowledge and awareness of the world. She immediately glanced away, shaking dark hair into her face.

"It seems we're the only two left," Itachi uttered.

"I - uh - I guess so," she agreed.

"So would you like to work together?"

"H-hai," she replied. He nodded, unaffected by her stammering. He held up the paper, reading over the prompt. Peeking over it,

"Can you write?"

"Can I write?" She tilted her head.

"Are you any good?"

"I think - yeah - yes."

"Mm." He continued to read. Kokoa watched him. They had never interacted before. Granted, it was still the beginning of the year, but she found it odd the two quietest kids in class never quite had a conversation. Judging by the situation, all that was about to change. Itachi's dialogue was short, but there was a kindness behind it that eased Kokoa.

"It should be easy, don't you think?" he inquired.

"Mhm," she nodded. He furrowed his brow.

"Did you read the prompt?"

"Eh..." she froze. "I skimmed over it, but I haven't had trouble with anything yet. I think it will be ok."

"Yeah?" he chuckled. "You do have one of the highest scores of our grade. Kuroki, right?"

"Hai," she said, surprised he knew her name. "And your name -"

"Uchiha," he replied, wondering how she'd react. Kokoa thought for a moment. Uchiha. She knew of them. An elite and old clan of Konoha. Possessors of the sharingan. He must be Itachi, the prodigy of said clan. She blinked, surprised to learn he was Itachi, but other than that brief blink, it didn't show. He looked like everyone else; a young boy in a blue shirt with dark hair and dark defined eyes. What affected her more than his name was the gentle smile upon his lips.

"Uchiha, ah," she said in acknowledgement. He waited a moment, wondering if she'd say anything else on the matter; if she'd swoon or challenge him, if she'd think he was arrogant or she'd throw herself at him. He found it odd, almost refreshing, that the shy little girl stood with an awkward smile, rubbing her arm whilst trying to think of something to say to ease the silence that had settled over the two.

"We both read the section. I can start the first half of the requirements and you can do the others. Once that's out of the way we can put them together for the final coherent piece. How does that sound?" he suggested, curious what type of partner she was. Kokoa was a brilliant student, but many times even the best students didn't make such helpful partners.

"I'll start as soon as I get home. Promise," she assured him. He nodded, indicating he'd do the same.

"Same here. I promise."

  
Writing something at his desk, Itachi peered up at the small figure hovering above him.

"Kuroki."

"I finished my part," Kokoa said, handing him her paper.

"All of it?"

"Mmm, most. I could go back and edit, but I thought we could do that when we merge papers - unless you want me to do it now!" she rambled. "You tell me."

"Is it any good?" He set it down.

"Good? You - you could read it -"

"But I'm asking you," he said gently. "You did say you were a good writer, which is why I'm asking."

"I guess," she shrugged. "I think it's decent."

"Decent?" He raised an eyebrow. "How do you really feel? Don't be so modest."

"I - I'm confident in my work! I went over it a bunch of times, and -and I like this project, so I put in all my effort," she explained, as if trying to pitch a sale. "But like I said, if you see anything that needs worked on, tell me. I'd hate to ruin this project for you, Uchiha -"

"Hn," he smiled slightly. "You can't be confident and then tell me it's ok to tear your work apart. You said you were happy with it, so I trust you."

"Are you sur -"

"Also, we're about the same age. You can call me Itachi," he told her, finding no need for too many formalities.

"Hai," she nodded. She smiled shyly after the shock of his trust wore off. "I'm Kokoa."

"Kokoa..." her name drifted from his lips.

"I should get back to my seat before Sensei yells at me."

"We'll talk later," he agreed, watching her jog back down to her row.

  
Kokoa trekked home, juggling a few books and notebooks, being quite the avid reader. She paused, turning her head to look behind her. Her eyes widened. She turned completely to face him, almost tripping and spilling her belongings in the process.

"Itachi-san?" she gasped. He laughed quietly, rushing over to help steady the load in her arms.

"Did I scare you? I'm sorry if I did," he told her.

"No - well I didn't expect it to be you," she said. "Arigato."

"Ah."

"Did you need something? My paper? Is there a mistake -"

"Are you always this worried about your work?" he teased. "I read over it, and it was fine. In fact, you brought up a point I completely missed. I guess you're one of the top scores for a reason."

"Well there is that, but imagine how embarrassing it'd be if I messed up in front of the person with  _the_ highest score," she giggled.

"So you're trying to beat me?"

"It'd be nice, but reaching your level would be just as satisfying."

"One thing's certain, we know which group will get the best grade.  
"Mhm!" she nodded.

"Where are you headed?"

"Home. I live over that way, near that one training field. Tch, I can't remember its name, but you know, over there," she pointed in the distance.

"What do your parents do? Work wise, I mean. Shinobi?"

"Actually, they're no longer alive," she said quietly. His expression softened.

"I was told they were killed in action."

"You were told? What, you don't believe it?" he furrowed his brow.

"No one will tell me anything, who they were or what they did. Nothing. Only that they were shinobi and died in the line of duty. I know it's probably because they think I'm too young, but don't you think I deserve to know what happened, Itachi-san?"

"Of course."

"I can handle it. Besides, all I have left of them is a photograph they took when I was just a baby. Probably their last photo. I never knew them, but knowing what happened would make me feel better." She fell quiet, confused as to why she had revealed so much to this boy she barely knew.

"I believe you'll learn the truth one day, Kokoa."

"You think so?"

"Ah. In time."

"In time...what about you, Itachi-san? Where do you live?"

"The Uchiha compound, over that way," he pointed.

"Oh, of course," she chuckled. "And your family?"

"A mother and father, although my father is always telling me what to do," he pouted. "And I have a little brother, Sasuke."

"A little brother? How awesome. I always wish I had a little brother or sister, someone to just be around."

"Why don't you set those books at your place and then join me."

"Eh? Join you for what?"

"I was going to stop at home and surprise Sasuke, take him out for a snack. I'm thinking dango. You should come. You can meet him. I think he'd like you."

"Really?"  
"Mm, and we can talk more about our project."

"I," she pondered the offer. Return to an empty house or have fun for once with a boy who seemed as interested in her as she was in him? "All right, but like you said, let me take these home."

"Here," he took the top half of the stack from her. "I'll help."

"Arigato, Itachi-san."

\---

 

Kokoa sat up slightly hunched over, hands lying in her lap. She gazed down at her palms, squinting to see them in the dark. She looked up across the room. That's right, Sasuke had left. That's why the only sound that assured her she was home was the dripping of the faucet down the hall. That wasn't the first time Kokoa had dreams like that. Actually, they were more like memories, memories that were a bit foggy when awake, but so vivid, and raw, and distressing when asleep. That was her first encounter with Itachi, the first time they spoke, the first time he smiled at her and invited her for a snack. That time in her life, that silly little project, as cliché as it was, was the thing that brought the two together.

"He couldn't have faked it," she mumbled, laying back down and pulling the blanket over her head. Despite being in almost total darkness with the lights off and shades drawn, violent migraines wracked her head and neck, leaving her almost immobile. She was right, however. He couldn't have faked it. Itachi couldn't have faked those moments.

"He was so young…" Surely he wasn't planning to kill his own clan at that age, still a young boy in the academy. He couldn't have used her. Her grip on the blanket tightened.

"He was too kind. He was innocent. He was gentle," she muttered, burying her face in the pillow.

"But…" What if his feelings at that age were true, that he really was her friend, but something in him changed along the way and he decided to use her? He took advantage of her kindness and her devotion. He played her –

"No. No, he didn't – he couldn't have. He was always so kind. He never…" True, he never showed any sign of hostility, of greed or hatred. He was always respectful and kind, and he sought to protect what he loved most.

"But he showed Sasuke…" Itachi did kill them. There was no denying it. He was guilty, his hands stained by Uchiha blood, the blood of his kin. And he had told her when they met that he severed his ties with Konoha, that the village and everyone in it no longer had any value to him.

"But you're still the most important thing in my life." She sat up with a painful groan, tossing the blanket aside. Her heart thumped loud and fast. Her head pounded, it pounded like a hammer against nails; sharp pains shooting across as if someone struck her with an ax; temples throbbing from an arrow piercing one side and exiting the other; an unbearable, blinding, crippling pain that left her in tears, silently screaming as she clawed at her face.

Stumbling from the couch, she burst through the front door, nearly tripping and falling down the stairs of her apartment complex. Wobbling down and using the rails for support, she found herself in the street, although unaware that's what it was. She stood in place, hair scattered, eyes wide, tears pouring, fingers tangled in black tresses and sitting anxiously between her lips. Another surge of pain struck her, and she fell to her knees.

"Itachi! Itachi!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs, so loud she felt a tinge of pain in her throat, as if she ripped her vocal chords.

"Itachi!" The second half of his name was muffled as she fell forward, forehead against the stone ground, hysterical and in agony.

  
Still near the outskirts of Konoha, Itachi turned, gazing out into the distance, swearing he heard his name. But who would call for him? Sasuke was bent on revenge, and Kokoa knew better than to make that mistake. He shut his eyes, continuing to walk. Perhaps being unable to see Kokoa was a sign, a sign that he should leave things as he intended, that he should forget about ever telling her the truth. It would only cause her trouble, and much more pain. Deciding it was best, he began leaving, heading back to the base where Kisame hopefully covered for him.

"What was I thinking? How could things ever be all right? How could we ever watch the sun set, Kokoa?" Lifting a hand, nails polished, he propped up the collar of his cloak. Itachi wouldn't go after her again, and he would never tell her the truth. He would never try to fix things or give her hope. She wasn't the naïve little girl anymore. He couldn't walk in and think an apology would earn her forgiveness even if she made it seem that she would. She had grown without him, and she would continue to do so. She would learn to live without Itachi – she would have to. And she would learn things about herself in the process, things a select few knew of. Remembering what Shisui had once shared with him, Itachi knew being near Kokoa would be dangerous. If he wanted to protect his secret and continue living as he was and letting Sasuke and Kokoa deal on their own, he would have to avoid her at all costs.

_  
"Does she know anything about her clan? It's a small one, scattered, but what really surprised me was this, Itachi."_

_"What?"_

_"One second," he chuckled, carefully folding and unfolding parts of the document._

_"Mmmm, here. Look. Do you think she knows?"_


	39. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #39

Tick, tick, tick, the clock shifted. Beep, beep, beep, the machines clicked and churned. Throwing her head back against the pillow, Kokoa struggled one last time, a frantic attempt to free her wrists from their restraints. After her episode in the street, falling to her knees in agony, and crying for Itachi, she was rushed to the hospital of course, to be evaluated and looked after. Root had her restrained and under watch even in the little, white room. Screaming Itachi's name was something she shouldn't have done. If anyone still believed she no longer cared for him, it was all over now. While recovering, Tsunade had Shizune check in to ask questions and do some tests in an effort to figure out what was causing her pain.

Cursing in defeat, she let her body fall limp against the mattress with a sigh, hot tears flooding her eyes. Sasuke, Kakashi, and Naruto were still out on their mission, and Jiraiya was nowhere to be found. Alone. She was all alone again. Shizune stood outside her room, peering in through the small glass window of the door. She turned around surprised.

"Tsunade-sama? I didn't expect to see you here. Don't you have that pile of papers you still need to go through?"

"I do, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with that. I'm much more interested in our special little case here," the Hokage explained, glancing at Kokoa as Shizune had been.

"Ah."

"Anything new?"

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama. Nothing. There's nothing. Blood tests, scans, psyche evaluations…when she has a fit or episode she's in extreme pain and may be disoriented, hence the screaming and wandering into the street as witnesses reported, but once she calms down she's stable. No sign of mental instability or illness for the most part. She isn't the happiest or healthiest girl, but she's aware. She's aware of the world around her. I can't think of anything. I mean, if you couldn't figure something out…"

"I know," she sighed.

"Excuse me asking, but why the sudden interest in her?" Shizune inquired.

"For one, she's under surveillance and has been ever since the Uchiha massacre. As Hokage I can't neglect that fact. Also, Hatake Kakashi seems to be quite fond of her, and she mentioned Jiraiya. If she's involved with those two, Uchiha Sasuke, and Itachi…she's not your average kunoichi. With her past and now the condition she's in, I can't just ignore it, especially as Hokage. Kuroki Kokoa is a mystery we need to solve. I dug around a bit, but no luck. Her clan isn't from this village, so there isn't much on them."

"I understand," Shizune nodded, pressing her clipboard to her chest. "If all remains the same, she'll be released tomorrow."

"Fine by me." Tsunade turned to leave. "Oh, Shizune, if she does wind up in the hospital again, make sure we know about it."

"Hai," she nodded, following her out. Once gone from sight, Zaji took their place, stealing a glance at Kokoa who was now asleep.

'At first I questioned Danzo-sama about his orders to watch you. I didn't think we'd have to worry, but given what you're experiencing right now, Kokoa, it all makes sense,' he thought to himself. Straightening his vest, he turned and stood erect before the door, continuing his mission, never leaving that spot.

 

"Can I ask you something?" she inquired, back against the tree as she picked and bent little blades of grass.

"Depends," he replied, appearing before her. Kokoa turned her head with a laugh.

"Come on, Zaji. You're stalking me for God's sake. I deserve a question, don't you think?" Relieved to finally be out of the hospital, Kokoa found herself craving the outdoors; the crispness of the breeze, the warmth of the sun. They made her feel alive if only for a little while, eased some of the numbness. The nature gave her some peace, especially with Sasuke and the others still away.

"What's this question of yours then?" He adjusted his mask before folding his arms across his chest. She remained quiet for a moment, thinking of the best way to approach this.

"My parents."

"What about them?"

"I could ask you to tell me everything about them; to tell me where I came from, but…since you're being so kind as to let me ask in the first place, I'll keep it short."

"Hn, you never change. Fine then. Make it quick. I'm supposed to keep an eye on you, not sit around and play games."

"What happened to them?"

"What do you mean –"

"When I was younger everyone refused to tell me the details, and I get it, I was a child, but to this day I don't know what happened. Why did they die? How? Where? By who? Why are they dead, Zaji?"

"Why the sudden interest?"

"They're my parents –"

"Still."

"I just…I was thinking, and I just miss them. I want to know. Can you tell me?"

"Hmm," he hummed, watching her. Sometimes she was arrogant and rude, other times miserable and pathetic, and now she sat up determined for answers.

"Your parents, Kokoa, died quite interestingly. Your father, Kuroki Akihiko, was a shinobi of course, as was your mother, but she resigned from the force after conceiving you. Akihiko was on a mission when it all went wrong. There was an attack, an ambush, and he along with two other Konoha shinobi died. Your mother, on the other hand, was not killed. She retired early after all."

"So then?"

"She committed suicide."

"What…" She felt the knot form in her throat, the weight in her stomach drop as she stared at him with parted lips and horror filled eyes.

"Unable to bear the pain of losing her husband, Sakiko killed herself. She killed herself out of grief, leaving her infant child behind."

"You lie!" She leapt to her feet, voice shaky and cracked.

"Why would I lie about that? What could I possibly gain from doing so? You're already miserable. There's no more fun in toying with you."

"My mother didn't kill herself. She couldn't have committed suicide –"

"And why not? Her name's not on the Memorial Stone, is it? She wasn't a shinobi when she died. She was not killed in action. She was not honored anywhere."

"No, but neither is my father's –"

"Your father was a mess, Kokoa. There are a number of reasons he wasn't honored on the stone or anywhere for that matter."

"What do you mean?" She stepped back, flinching at his harsh tone.

"For one, your parents weren't Konoha natives. They drifted in from God knows where. You can understand why the village would be suspicious of two shinobi of a small clan wandering in one day. There was something about your father…to some he was kind, but others received a strange vibe. People distanced themselves and they weren't surprised when he died. He was a decent enough ninja –"

"But?"

"Hn, your father was slow, Kokoa."

"Slow?"

"Yes, slow. As in dumb, stupid, senseless. He was awkward and left others feeling uneasy. He was scattered and unorganized, a disheveled mess, and when anyone spoke to him it was as if he didn't hear a word they said, like he didn't understand. People talked at him and it all phased through him like the brain damaged fool everyone saw him as. Your father was a dense man, and that ultimately got him killed."

"Shut up!" she shouted, pointing a shaky finger his way. "You're lying! Stop lying!"

"Why would I lie? If you don't believe me, go ask the Hokage. Go ask anyone. Akihiko was killed, and your mother took her own life like the coward she was."

"You shut your mouth. Don't you dare speak of my parents as if you knew them. My father, my mother, they weren't – they –" Hands trembling, lip quivering, she struggled to find the words.

"You're a lot like them, Kokoa," he said with a tilt of his head. "You're naïve like your father, and if I remember correctly, you also considered suicide like your mother."

"I…" she looked up, speechless.

"Both of you so devastated to lose the men in your lives, left feeling so helpless, hopeless, and empty, convinced there was nothing to live for. Just as she put a blade to herself, you almost let Naka no Kawa sweep you away."

"How do you…"

"Her beloved husband was killed in the line of duty, leaving her alone with their newborn child. Anyone could sympathize with her, but you, Kokoa, you almost threw your life away for a man who betrayed Konoha, a man who took out his own clan and left you behind. Heh, and you wonder why we watch you. How could we turn a blind eye to the woman who cries for Uchiha Itachi? We're not stupid. We see right through you despite what you say or how much you deny it. We know what's in your heart, your true feelings, Kokoa, and that's why we're here."

"So there's no point in hiding it anymore is there?" She dropped to the grass with a thud.

"Your feelings? No. To be honest I don’t think anyone really bought that you had forgotten Itachi – at least not any shinobi. It seems Sasuke did for some time, but he was young and so desperately wanted to believe you had moved on. He's very fond of you, Sasuke is," he went on. Kokoa held her face, shaking her head slightly.

"You couldn't have moved on for his sake? You couldn't have accepted what happened?"

"Please," she whispered.

"You have to keep clinging to the past, a past you know you can never change."

"Please! Aren't you supposed to watch me? Why are you talking to me?"

"You're the one who called on me. You want this "hell" to end, but you're not helping yourself by moping around and screaming for Itachi in the middle of the street."

"I wasn't myself then. I would have never made that mistake."

"It's too late now. It cannot be erased. All of Konoha knows you're still after him, and that is why I can't leave you alone. That is why I must push and prod. If you even think about getting in touch with him, I will know."

"What's the point? Why would I try? Why would I go after someone who doesn't care, someone who doesn't want me?" She slouched back against the tree.

"Why do I have trouble believing you right now?"

"I mean of course if given the chance, if he was here right now I'd talk to him. I'd try to get through to him, but I won't leave the village again. I won't go where I'm not wanted. He made it clear…I mean nothing to him. Can you imagine the pain of loving someone you can never have?"

"You said you want to talk to him. You want to listen and get to him, not join him. Why?" he inquired.

"Me going after Itachi isn't about gaining power or committing crime with him. I just…" She held back. Sasuke, Kakashi, and Naruto knew she suspected the Uchiha massacre, that things weren't what they seemed, but she was careful not to let that slip in front of Zaji. If he knew she suspected something and he reported it, Danzo would surely have her killed. It would be the cherry on top, the one excuse he needed to end her.

"I just love him. I just want to – this silly notion things could go back to the way they were. I just want my Itachi."

  
~

"Sasuke was right. If I can't find you that means you're at the lake."

"Kokoa?" Itachi turned half way to see her.

"Yo," she smiled, jogging over with a small stack of books.

"You're always carrying books."

"I just love reading. The characters and different worlds," she smiled with closed eyes. He chuckled gently into his hand.

"What?" She opened one eye. "Why are you laughing?"

"I’m not laughing."

"Yes you are, Itachi-san."

"I'm just happy I guess."

"Happy?" She sat down beside him. "My books make you happy?"  
"Not your books, silly. You," he smiled.

"Me?" She blinked at him, pointing to herself.

"I'm happy we finally had the chance to work together a few weeks ago. You're very hardworking and smart."

"Oh, arigat –"

"And sometimes when I want to get away from training, school, and my father I like being with you."

"But I'm – I'm so quiet and boring. Sometimes I still wonder why you talk to me when we turned in our project a while ago," she shrugged.

"It's because you are quiet." He gazed out across the glistening lake, swishing his feet in the cold water. "You understand things – the world. You aren't so obsessed with silly things like others. I like having you with me because we're a lot alike, but we're also different, if that makes any sense," he flashed a grin. "You're very kind too. And you don't have a family. I want to be your family, the person you can count on just like Sasuke. He likes you a lot too. Sometimes I imagine what it'd be like when we're older, the three of us, if we stick together. And Shisui."

"Shisui?"

"He's my friend. Maybe you'll meet him one day too."

"Mmm," she nodded.

"So why were you looking for me?"

"Hu? Me? Oh…" She thought for a moment before replying. She had just left the library and was headed home. Itachi often caught up to her after school and offered to help carry her things if she needed; a simple but oh so kind gesture that always brought a smile to her lips, that told her someone did care.

"I was carrying all these books, I thought about how you're always helping me carry them. I just wanted to say hello."

"You're too small to always carry so many."

"I am not," she pouted.

"Mmhm."

"So are you, Itachi-san."

"I'm still taller than you though," he grinned, placing a hand on her head. She let her shoulders fall with a sigh.

"You're smarter than me, stronger than me, and taller."

"Kokoa?"

"Hm?"

"Do me a favor?"

"O-of course."

"Don't compare yourself to me, or anyone for that matter."

"But –"

"I get it, sometimes friendly competition in school, but don't live your life trying to catch up to others. I know you struggle with that. It's a little obvious," he teased, poking her forehead.

"I know…"

"You're smart, and you have your own strengths. You are you, Kokoa, and I truly believe you'll become something great."

"Itachi –" She bit her lip, forcing back tears. He watched her, surprised his words had affected her so.

"Hey," he started. "Why don't we get these back to your house? We can stop for dango on the way."

"Hai," she nodded, watching him rise to his feet. "Itachi-san?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for being my friend."

~

Itachi moved slowly after deciding he wouldn't go after Kokoa, and as he wandered the outskirts of Konoha, he swore he heard his name in the distance, unaware it was Kokoa having her episode in the street. Not long after, he found himself heading back towards the village.

_Remembering what Shisui had once shared with him, Itachi knew being near Kokoa would be dangerous. If he wanted to protect his secret and continue living as he was, letting Sasuke and Kokoa deal on their own, he would have to avoid her at all costs._

While that remained true, Itachi realized it was time. He couldn't see Kokoa again. He couldn't risk it, but he could give her something, return what belonged to her. And so he swiftly returned to Konoha and sought out what he needed; a clandestine mission for a girl everyone believed they knew, but could not even begin to understand. They could not fathom her depth, and her worth; the blood boiling within.


	40. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #40

He ran. He ran fast and hard, dashing through the shadows and trees with only one goal in mind. Every step and every breath, it was all for her. He could feel it, how close he was, and it drove him to push himself further, to make sure he did what he set out do to; however, fate was not on his side. The moment his right foot hit the thick tree branch, a strange yet oh so familiar sensation ripped through him.

"Itachi," Pein threatened, voice filling his head. "I don't know what type of personal business you ran off to attend to, nor do I care, for now anyways, but you are to return to the base immediately. There isn't time to waste on petty things. We have a goal to keep."

Coming to a halt, Itachi let his shoulders fall. Now was not the time to against Pein or bring suspicion upon himself.

"Hai." Kokoa would have to wait. Itachi shook his head and once again started back for the base, cursing himself and Akatsuki in the process.

 

Days after returning to the base Itachi found himself feeling low, lower than usual, and it showed. He fought it so hard, but it still showed, and it both irked and terrified him. He controlled Sasuke, instilled hatred and a thirst for revenge. He mapped out his little brother's future, but he had no control over Kokoa, over her thoughts, feelings, and actions. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't make her hate him, and now he couldn't even return what belong to her. He could do nothing for or to her. He was defeated.   


He inched down the dim hall with half lidded eyes, the collar of his cloak turned up, arms dangling at his sides as he moved like the undead. He paused at the overwhelming presence joining him in the hall.

"I want to speak with you. Now." They faded to another room, a dark room; empty, quiet, cold; what Itachi's heart should be but wasn't.

"You disappeared. You left without warning, without notice. You returned to your home village. Why?" Pein inquired, wasting no time.

"Personal matters."

"You are Akatsuki. To be Akatsuki means to forsake personal matters, to abandon and sever any and all ties and connections. You give up everything for this one goal, the goal we all share."

"I know."

"If you know then why are you running off in the midst of things and moping around when you return like some abused dog in the streets?" he spat. Itachi lowered his gaze.

"Are you having doubts?"

"Of course not," he said.

"Then why? What's so important? What has Uchiha Itachi running around like a mad man? What are these so called personal matters?" he said with a tilt of his head. Itachi said nothing, only lowered his gaze again.

"Maybe you are having doubts. Maybe you are questioning our motives. Surely you haven't gone to Konoha to warn them –"

"I did no such thing."

"It's too risky to pursue to Kyuubi again. That can't be it. What is it, Itachi? Must I…force it out of you?" Itachi raised his head, scarlet sharingan meeting endless rinnegan; two abysmal forces.

"We won't do this. Not here and not now," Pein stated. Itachi turned his head, blinking away the sharingan.

"As I said, they were personal matters, nothing that concerns or affects Akatsuki. I needed to see someone is all, but don't worry, I was unable to."

"Who?"

"Hm?"

"Who did you need to see?"

"Someone from my past."

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter –"

"Oh no, you see Itachi, it does matter. It matters because this person has you losing focus. It matters because you're sneaking around. A group of S ranks like us already has enough trouble trusting one another. The last thing we need is everyone running off on their own adventures. We have an agenda. Who is throwing you off track? Don't make me pry it out of you or of someone you once knew."

"A woman. A woman from my past," he sighed.

"And what's so special?"

"I…" He couldn't. He shouldn't. "She's an enemy. Someone I've had trouble with before. She stole from me." _His heart_. "She tormented me."  _She still loved him_. "And if we cross again she'll interfere with my job. I wanted to settle things. I wanted to end it."

"Name."

"Hm?" He furrowed his brow.

"Her name. Where is she? I have eyes and ears everywhere. I'll end it for you so you can get back to work."

"No," he said. What had he done? He knew Pein was serious, that he would eliminate anyone and everyone who opposed or interfered with Akatsuki. If he found out, he would kill Kokoa whether she was Itachi's enemy or if he learned the truth of their relationship. After all, Nagato had lost his parents, his best friend, and his home. Killing a mere woman, even if he knew what Kokoa meant to Itachi, would be nothing to him so long as it meant stepping closer to his goal. He would claim he was teaching Itachi a lesson through pain. He would make him stronger by it.

"No?"

"She's not worth your time. It's between us. I will be the one to end her. I will settle the score. I don't need anyone getting involved."

"She's keeping you from your work. Itachi you belong here. You fit well. You and I…we're not so very different. I have trusted you. I have believed in you and seen your worth. You are an important asset to Akatsuki. Do not throw it all away for some silly woman from the past."

"I understand. I won't step out of line again," Itachi said, heading to leave after Pein responded with a nod.

"Itachi," he called. The Uchiha paused, back still to him. "A word of caution, I'm not fond of liars."

"Ah."

 

He roamed the base, the same hollow eyes, the same aching heart. Returning to his room, he fell to the bed, gazing up at the ceiling.

"There's a rumor going around a certain sharingan user was scolded by the big man," Kisame said, stepping inside. Itachi sat up with a sigh.

"I can’t say I blame him for being so concerned though. What's gotten into you, Itachi-san? I know we all have our moments, but this is bizarre, especially for someone who's normally so reserved and controlled. As much as I love seeing you squirm sometimes, even I have to admit you're a mess."

Itachi said nothing, only picked slightly at his nails.

"Just how much did she mean to you?" Kisame asked suddenly. "You truly loved her? Does he know?" he sighed, rolling his eyes at Pein.

"I told him she was trouble from my past and I wanted to settle things, but he's not dumb. He knows, and I'm afraid I've slipped and caused her more trouble. If she dies because I couldn't keep my shit together I'll –" He clenched his jaw, falling quiet in the end.

"You think he'll kill her so there's no more distraction?" Kisame inquired. "I wouldn't put it past him, but he's…well he's a complicated man. I honestly couldn't tell you what he'd think or do."

"He'll do anything to reach his goal."

"Even waste time on a sad Konoha girl?"

"If she gets in the way."

"Then she'll have to keep her distance."

"Kisame, Kokoa followed me to Tanzaku. She hunted me down to talk despite everything I've done. I don't know what that meeting did to her. I don't know if her spirit's broken or if she's crazy enough to come after me again. How can I protect her if I can't be there with her?" he confided in his partner.

"Listen to yourself, Itachi-san. You're an S rank rogue shinobi who killed his own flesh and blood without batting an eye. You can't mope around over a weak girl just because you two had a "thing" in the past. Especially around here. If you need her that bad then go get her, otherwise drop it before everyone starts to question where your loyalties lie. If you won't bring her here then walk away like you did all those years ago. You turned you back once. You can do it again." He shifted Samehada from his right hand to his left, eyeing his partner.

"I know. And I will. I'll drop it after I do one last thing."

"Oh? Do go on."

"I have something of hers. Something hidden away that I must return. Once she has it - or I at least leave it somewhere for her to find, I'll stop this silly game; chasing this impossible dream, the dream I told her would never happen. If you help me with this last task I will step back and I will walk away from her." He met Kisame's eyes.

"We do it the next time we're assigned something. No running around causing a scene. And if I don't feel we should at the moment, then we won't. I'll help you this one last time, Itachi-san, only because you've been a decent partner thus far, and who knows when I myself might need a favor."

"Arigato," Itachi nodded.

"In the meantime, clean up your act. You do remember who you are, don't you? What you did, where you are? Don't be so quick to toss everything you've worked for out the window for a woman who could just be playing you in the end. Just as your little brother is bent on revenge, who's to say that Kokoa girl isn't planning the same, just in her own twisted way? After all you've done I can't imagine she'd actually believe you two could happen. Get it together. Lay low. This is Akatsuki, not Konoha." He sneered one last time before leaving the Uchiha.

 

"Yo."

"It's been a while, Kakashi-san."

"Well I've been busy with the team. Missions and all."

"I know," Kokoa nodded. "How – how is Sasuke doing?" she inquired, moving to the kitchen to make some tea.

"He's improved, although his teamwork with Naruto isn't the best. It's been better," he sighed.

"Kakashi-san, how is he…" she said, her voice low and firm. He turned away with a sigh, shoving his fists in his pockets.

"Why are you asking if you know?"

"I'm curious if he's only miserable when around me or all the time," she shrugged.

"Why would he be miserable only with you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Because  _I've_  been miserable and it’s rubbing people the wrong way. Granted, I've always rubbed people the wrong way, but it's just worse now. I can barely take care of myself. I think it's taking a toll on him."

"Sasuke will live, Kokoa. You're going through something that's as painful as it is terrifying. He cares about you. I don't think he'd be the one to walk away from you."

"I know he cares, Kakashi-san, but sometimes a person can only take so much." She let her shoulders fall with a sigh. "He's slipping. He's so agitated and wound up. He's like a bomb waiting to go off, and the fact all I'm doing is laying around convulsing in pain doesn't really help. I should be there for him, but I can't be –"  
"You took him in when you were young, Kokoa. He isn't blood, your kin. You had no obligation to do so. You gave him everything. Stop saying you failed or that you're incapable of supporting him," he told her. She hugged herself, staring at her shoes.

"He's a big boy. He's aware of everything. You can't scold him or watch his every move. You have to let him do his thing."

"It's only a matter of time before he loses it. He's throwing everything away for revenge," she spat.

"You're not so very different."

"But I didn't…I wouldn't…"

"Sasuke is fixated on revenge, and you are fixated on hearing Itachi's truth. You're right, he is slipping, and it's only a matter of time before he snaps, but if you tell him that he's just going to explode sooner than later."

"So what? I wait until he does lose his mind and runs off after Itachi?"

"Kokoa," he sighed. "I can't help your relationship with Sasuke. What you two have is special. It's complicated and rooted in a painful past. I cannot intervene. I came to see how you were doing, your migraines."

"Still pulsing away."

"Are you sick? Are you hot?" He stepped over, slipping off a glove to press the back of his hand against her forehead. She flinched.

"It's ok," he assured her. "Kokoa," he whispered. "Jiraiya-sama knows about your symptoms."

"He does?"

"Ah, but just listen. He said he has a theory in mind on what could be causing them. He was going to do some research while he could, but he got caught up in something. Also, suddenly associating with you right when you started having the migraines might bring some unwanted attention. He apologizes, but he has to drop the issue for now."

"So the only person who might have answers can't help…"

"Not right now, but perhaps in the future. I can't say, honestly."

"Thank you for telling me," she said softly, pushing his hand away.

"Can I ask you something, Kokoa?"

"No…"

"Why do you allow yourself to feel so much pain?"

"Having this conversation again are we? Heh, like I have a choice," she chuckled sadly.

"Well you do. You're a shinobi. You have the training. Why suffer like this? Why become this mess?"

"Would you rather I sell my soul to those bastards? I was a good shinobi. I always put Konoha first, did everything I could to make my village proud, but the minute something terrible happened everyone was so quick to point and whisper. Sarutobi betrayed me. Tsunade is annoyed with me. Root is harassing me. Why should I be a tool for those who have only ever hurt me? Why should I forsake my humanity for them, for this village, this hell?" She turned her face, jaw clenched. Kakashi stared on.

"My mother retired when she was pregnant. She gave up the life of a shinobi for something she cared about, for her child. If they won't trust me or help me why try? Perhaps I should do the same."

"And what is it you care about?" he pressed. "Aren't you tired of hurting so much, Kokoa?"

"Of course," she whispered. "But it's not a switch I can turn off and on. I don't have a choice, and no amount of training will dull this ache in my chest. Ninja are taught no emotion, but I've always had emotions. I've always been alive, real, because of Itachi. If I abandon my humanness it's the same as abandoning him and those feelings; those memories. I'd rather die."

"You're willing to live out the rest of your life with that aching in your chest so long as your memory of him never fades…"

"They teach you no emotion and that we're tools, but a good ninja can also be about loyalty and honor; dedication to one's comrades, to the mission, and to the village. I am strong in my own right, and I am loyal. I think I'm a good shinobi, but others might not agree. My opinions differ than Konoha's expectations, and I'm no longer a citizen but a prisoner and a pariah. If it comes to it, I will leave the force and be my own ninja; follow my own nindo and do whatever I deem right and just, even if it means I'll be hurting. At least I'm alive. And I know I say I want to die sometimes, but deep inside I don't because I have this tiny sliver of hope. I can't walk away from that. I hate this specific feeling that hurts so much, but I need to feel otherwise it's the same as being dead."

"You will leave the force and be your own ninja; follow your own nindo and do whatever you deem right and just, even if it means you'll be hurting…Kokoa, isn’t that what Sasuke is doing? Following his own path to get justice for his clan even though it means leaving everything behind…"

"Tsk," she clicked her tongue, turning away, fuming. That was just like Kakahsi, using her own words against her. Sasuke was leaving for power, for Orochimaru. It was,

"Different. It's different."

"Don't be a hypocrite, Kokoa. Face it. You and Sasuke each have a goal you're willing to die for. You can't stop him if you don't want him stopping you."

"He's on some power trip. He'll hurt himself – get killed."

"And you won't? Itachi nearly killed you."

"But he didn't."

"He could have."

"I'm alive, Kakashi."

"He simply spared your life on a whim. Or maybe, just maybe you mean nothing to him anymore. He didn't kill you because you aren't worth it in his eyes."

"N – no I am. I am worth it. He held back for a reason."

"Is that what helps you sleep at night? Reading too far into what he did or didn't do? You can feel, believe, and do as you wish, but you cannot lecture me about Sasuke slipping away when you're no better."

"Well since you seem to have the answer to everything, Kakashi-san, tell me what to do. How do I stop feeling like the dirt beneath everyone's shoes? How do I save my precious Sasuke? How do I fix everything that's wrong?"

"Stop acting like a victim, Kokoa."

"But I am a victim."

"You don't have to be. Fight it."

"I've been fighting it all these years."

"The only fight you've been struggling with is your own internal conflict. Until you figure it out, you're going to be stuck and miserable while people walk all over you."

"Figure what out, Kakashi?" She stood there confused. The conversation had shifted again. She rubbed her face in agitation.

"Who you are."

"Who I am? I just recently learned my mother committed suicide and everyone thought my father was stupid. I don't know where I came from. I don't know who or what I am. Itachi was helping me find my way, but…" Pressing her back against the edge of the counter, she slid to the floor with a sigh. Kakshi met her sad eyes, shrugging his shoulders, out of things to say.

"Right now I'm a suspect, a contained animal with my captor always watching. That girl I used to be, that Kokoa was buried a long time ago. That's who I really am, but I'm not sure what it'll take to bring her back."

"Yes you do, Kokoa."

"But it's so far from me. So very far."

 

~

"Now why would  _the_ Kuroki Kokoa avoid me?" Itachi spoke, approaching the girl with her back to him. She stood gazing out over a small cliff, a warm wind fluttering her hair. She stiffened, not in the mood for company, especially Itachi's. "I know I didn't do anything. I couldn't have. You haven't talked me. We didn't even have lunch." He walked over, smiling softly to himself at how she sometimes wore socks with her ninja footwear, an odd habit that made her stand out.

"It's rude to ignore me," he pouted, standing shoulder to shoulder. The girl turned her face, crossing her arms as well.

"Kokoa if I said something, I'm sorry. I don't remember though. Like I said, you've been avoiding me," he mumbled in the end. He sighed, figuring she was going to be stubborn about it. He decided to give her space and aimed to leave when his eye caught the tears inching down her cheeks.

"Koko…a?" He moved closer, but she turned away again in embarrassment. "Why are you crying, Kokoa?"

"You're leaving me."   
  



	41. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #41

~  
"It's rude to ignore me," he pouted, standing shoulder to shoulder. The girl turned her face, crossing her arms as well.

"Kokoa if I said something, I'm sorry. I don't remember though. Like I said, you've been avoiding me," he mumbled in the end. He sighed, figuring she was going to be stubborn about it. He decided to give her space and aimed to leave when his eye caught the tears inching down her cheeks.

"Koko…a?" He moved closer, but she turned away again in embarrassment. "Why are you crying, Kokoa?"

"You're leaving me."

"Leaving you?" Itachi furrowed his brow.

"The academy. You're graduating. You finished before everyone else – before me."

"Oh."

"For so long I worked so hard to be the best. Even then I still came second to you." She pushed away the last of her warms tears. "But I realized I still accomplished a lot. I was able to stand beside you, Itachi-san. Now you're graduating, about to join the real ranks and squads while I'm left in class."

"I didn't do it on purpose Kokoa. I don't mean to make you feel bad," he said.

"It's not you I'm angry with. It's myself, for not being able to keep up. I just wasn't good enough," she shrugged.

"You are. I told you to stop comparing us. I have the sharingan, I – I don't know, Kokoa. I just finished early. It's not that I think I'm better," he explained. "You're strong too, and very smart. Just because we didn't graduate together doesn't mean we aren't on the same level. I told you you're strong. I believe in your abilities, Kokoa. I always have, you know that," he smiled softly.

"I know, I know."

"Could there be something else bothering you?"

"When you leave I'll be alone again," she whispered, rolling a rock beneath her foot.

"Alone? You have friends, silly. The others like you."

"Yeah, but they're not you." She glanced away with twisted lips.

"We'll still have time to be together. What? Did you think just because I'm a genin I'm going to forget about you? Because if you did that's dumb," he chuckled, poking her. She giggled shyly.

"And if there isn't time, I'll make some. You're my friend. You're important to me, Kokoa. I'll always be there. I won't just walk away."

~

 

Sasuke spotted what seemed to be a sleeping Kokoa on the couch. He quietly tiptoed over to the kitchen, in the mood for some food.

"Sasuke?" she said softly, peeling open her eyes. He cursed under his breath before facing her with his usual passive expression.

"Hm?"

"What are you up to?" She sat up.

"Hungry is all. Sorry if I woke you," he replied.

"Hn, you didn't wake me. I haven't slept in the last few hours."

"So then what were you doing?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Sitting here counting the tiny lines and cracks in the ceiling. Literally. I'm at 42, although I may have lost my place and count," she pouted. He said nothing. Shifting in place, she turned to face him, her hair, now a bit longer, hung in a low bun, frizzy and loose. The circles beneath her eyes grew darker each day, and her lips always either frowned or sat pursed.

"What is it?" she inquired when he didn't respond.

"Hm? Nothing. It's nothing."

"Something's obviously bothering you. No need to hide it. It's me after all," she managed a smile. A smile just for him. A smile that went straight to his heart and almost made him clutch his chest.

"I just…" He didn't know what to say, how to start, or if he should even open that door. He'd hate to upset her, but their life together had changed drastically since Kokoa began experiencing the headaches. She was a complete mess, and no one knew why. She also didn't do much to help herself. Staying inside alone and in the dark, she rarely ate and never tried to improve her situation. She was at rock bottom, and it was obvious.

"You…"

"Go on," she pushed.

"You've been off lately."

"Off?" She furrowed her brow.

"You've been down before, upset and depressed, but you always recover, or you at least let me help. But lately nothing's changed."

"There isn't anything you can do, Sasuke," she sighed.

"But you won't even let me try. You lock yourself away, and you just lie there like your paralyzed. It's scary, Kokoa. I just don't know what to do anymore. It's suffocating. It all sucks."

"It all sucks? What does? Is it the hospital visits, the creeping Root, or my blinding migraines, Sasuke?"

"See! That's it. I get you're feeling like shit, but lately you've been taking it out on me, and it's pissing me off. I want you to be better, to be happy, but you just lash out every time."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I – me – the girl who has given you everything is pissing you off, Sasuke."

"I didn't ask you to –"

"Excuse me? I was just as affected by this whole Uchiha tragedy. I was a mess, worse than you because at least you're a victim whereas everyone thinks I killed your parents! I was still a child too! I was young, and innocent, and naïve, Sasuke. I didn't have to take you in. I didn't have to be there for you. I didn't have to keep my promise to Itachi, but I did! I did because you both mean everything to me! I could have let you waste away. I could have let them take you and drop you off at some random orphanage or force you to live on your own once you were old enough to feed yourself the same way they did to me!

But no, I took you in. I cared for you, comforted you, hurt myself and my heart and lied for your sake. I was in hell but I kept it quiet for you. Don't you ever fucking say I didn't have to or that you didn't ask for it. I still did it. I did it because I wanted to, and because of my promise! And now you're standing here like the ungrateful little brat you are talking down to me."

"I'm not talking down! It's just that living with you has become so frustrating. I care about you, and I want us to be happy, Kokoa, but you're out of your fucking mind! I can't even fall asleep at night without hearing you cry or throw a fit."

"You said you'd be there even if I was crazy!"

"You're not crazy, you're not sick, you just have a bunch of issues that no one can solve, and it's driving me crazy."

"Poor you. Here, take my headaches then. Take the blame. Switch with me for a day and maybe then you'll think before you start ranting at me for things that are beyond my control –"

"Hah! Things beyond your control? You want me to stop blaming you for things that are beyond your control? Fine. I'll blame you for still crying over my bastard of a brother! I'll blame you for lying to me all this time. I'll blame you for making us both miserable because you refuse to get over Itachi! How about that, hu!"

"You – you can't tell me that it's ok, that you accept my feelings and then throw it all back in my face! You said –"

"I lied, Kokoa. Just like you. You still love him, the man who took everything from me. You still believe in him. You met up with him for God's sake, Kokoa! Behind my back! The only reason I haven't flipped shit and left you is because I –" he choked in the end, shutting his mouth before saying anymore. How foolish was he, to have almost confessed his feelings right then and there? Kokoa knew Sasuke cared deeply about her, but love never crossed her mind, not that kind. Was she blind to his feelings, or was he careful not to show them?

"Well? What!" she urged. He shut his eyes.

'The only reason I haven't flipped shit and left you is because I love you…' he had gone over that phrase hundreds of times in his head as he did now; how he would tell her – or if he ever even would.

"The only reason is because we have a history," he finally said. "We're supposed to be there for each other. Because like you, I also made a promise."

"Please, Sasuke," she scoffed. "You and I both know that's bull." She shook her head, holding herself.

"What?" He gave her a look.

"We both know you're going to leave me," she whispered, meeting his eyes.

"Leave you? What on earth are you talking about?"

"You want power, and you want revenge. You're going to leave. Am I wrong?"

"I –"

"You did well hiding it from me over the years, keeping your cool, but I began noticing a while back. It's gotten worse recently. Each day the hatred in your heart grows. It has taken you, and that very hatred has blinded you. Revenge and power are all you think about. I've realized we're not so very different when it comes to Itachi, Sasuke. Both of us living our lives bound to him. Think about it. The only difference is that I want to hear his truth, and you want to end him. Although I wouldn't forsake my friends and sell my soul to the devil to get to him."

"Oh please, Kokoa. The second you heard he was in town you rushed out there like a maniac. He owns you –"

"And he doesn’t own you!? You're throwing everything away – leaving to get power from that Snake!"

"How do you…"

"It's obvious, Sasuke. The curse mark. He's marked you, tempted you, tainted your heart. He promised you power, and power means revenge. I'm not stupid. If I remember correctly, the mark responds to hatred, and you've been struggling with it lately. You're slipping."

"Look, Kokoa…the minute Itachi killed everyone our lives changed. I'm not that innocent child you knew back then. My path, my destiny, I'm an avenger. Itachi left me alive so I could kill him. Out of guilt, he left me so I could one day kill him with my own hands, do to him what he did to my parents. This is my road. This is what I must do. If I ever want any peace in life –"

"And what about me!? Do I just let you leave so I'm alone to be harassed? Do I let you kill Itachi before I get to him? My answers are just as important as your revenge. His truth is my closure, is my peace. How is that fair?"

"It isn't…but it's how it is."

"You're so cold. You've never been this cold to me. Why are you doing this?"

"The gap between Itachi and I is still the same. Nothing has changed, Kokoa. I'm leaving to get stronger. I can't face him yet. It will take time, and in that time is where your opportunity lies."

"You can't go. Revenge is one thing, but going to _him_  is another. There are other ways, other paths, Sasuke –"

"I'm going. That's my decision. Don't hold me back, Kokoa. You can't always protect me. Take care of yourself for once."

"Sasuke I'm not patronizing you. This is serious. Don't you understand what – who that is?"

"Of course, and that's why I'm going. Nothing you say will stop me, and don't you dare think about reporting me, Kokoa. If you go behind my back, if you betray me…"

"Sasuke…" She dropped to the sofa, eyes blurred by tears.

"Seeing you like this hurts my heart, Kokoa. You're not well, and nothing I do helps. This is something you have to figure out on your own. In the meantime I can't sit around waiting for things to change. You don't need me anymore."

"Yes I do," she whispered. "I do need you."

"No, you don't, and you know it. You want me here. You want us to stay together, but you don't need me. And right now while I figure all this out, I don't need you," he said as gently as possible.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to cause you heartache, but this is what I need to do. Please, Kokoa." He watched her. He watched the droplets inch down her face. He saw the desolation in her dark eyes. Once he realized she would say no more, he quietly left her alone.

 

Kakashi strolled through the village, fist in pocket, book in hand, giggling ever so slightly under his breath. He paused, catching a figure from the corner of his eye.

"Kokoa? Strange to see you out…in daylight."

"Ha…ha…" She stared blankly at him.

"What are you up to?" he inquired, shutting the book.

"Just came from the Hokage's."

"Did you do it?"

"Yes," she exhaled.

"You resigned?"

"Eh? Resigned?" She gave him a look.

"The other day you said you were considering resigning or stepping down as your mother did, that you didn't want to be a tool for the village that hurt you."

"Oh…I still haven't decided about that. I was very upset then. Believe it or not, I just did the opposite."

"Meaning?"

"Danzo needs some of his Root for something, meaning that bastard Zaji will be gone for a second. After pleading my case and throwing a bit of guilt in the mix, I convinced Tsunade to let me out on a mission."

"Why the sudden interest in a mission?"

"It's been ages since I left, and I'm not quite ready to quit being a shinobi. I have things I must take care of."

"Kokoa," he warned.

"I swear it has nothing to do with Itachi," she whispered. "Not this time. This is different. It affects me, and it affects you."

"Does it now?" he sighed.

"Hai. I promise, Kakashi-san, I promise it's something I need to do. I have to."

"Just be careful, Kokoa." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Take care of yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it all away so quickly." He gave one last pat before walking off. She stood in place, gaze low.

  
"Oi, Naruto, I appreciate the invitation and all, but I'm not feeling up to it."

"Nonsense, Kokoa-chan. Who can refuse ramen?" he stated.

"I'm not hungry. I'm tired. I can't find Sasuke," she sighed deeply.

"The jerk's gone and run off again. Just give him time. He'll be back. In the meantime though, come have lunch with me and Sakura-chan."

"But I'm not hungry. NOT hungry. And I barely know the girl."

"More of a reason to come." Grabbing her hand, he dragged a reluctant Kokoa off.

  
She sat quiet for most of the time, hardly touching her food, staring into her bowl as she thought deeply about how she would make her move.

"Do you not like it?" Ayame inquired. Kokoa looked up in surprise, taking a moment to remember she was at Ichiraku with Naruto and Sakura.

"Oh, no, no, it's very good. Thank you. I'm just not feeling too well," she said kindly. Ayame nodded with a smile.

"Liar. You said you weren't hungry. Now you're sick?" Naruto faced her.

"I wouldn't have to lie if you'd listen to me, Naruto." She narrowed her eyes.

"It's not like you'd be doing anything productive now. You'd be at home being miserable with Sasuke," he grinned.

"Where is Sasuke-kun by the way?" Sakura asked.

"No idea," Kokoa shrugged. "He goes off sometimes, and I just never know where he ends up."

"Did you guys get into a fight?"

"A small argument the other day, but he always does this."

"He's just a jerk," Naruto pouted.

"Shut up, Naruto." Sakura punched him. "Sasuke is just complicated is all. He needs his time and space."

"Hn," Kokoa shifted her gaze away. "That's why you're always chasing after him?" she said quietly. Unfortunately not quiet enough, because Sakura caught her words and faced her fully.

"What?"

"You." Kokoa pointed a finger as she sat up. "All you're ever doing when I see you is staring at Sasuke, yelling for Sasuke, following Sasuke, annoying Sasuke, hell your entire existence is for Sasuke, and you're telling me he needs time and space? You, the girl who's nearly attached to him at the hip."

"He's my teammate and my friend –"

"So is Naruto here." She threw a hand on the blonde's head. "I don't see you treating him the way you do Sasuke. Besides, it's not like Sasuke actually enjoys any of it."

"Kokoa-chan, it's because she…well she likes him," Naruto said sadly, keeping his own feelings out of this for the sake of his teammate.

"Oh?"

"I don't just like him. I've been with him for a while. I know Sasuke. He's angry and in a lot of pain. I understand. I'm just always trying to help –"

"Bull. I know your kind; conceited and obsessed with him because of his looks, because of his abilities and his name. You're shallow and empty."

"I am not! I love Sasuke-kun! I would do anything for him!" Sakura exclaimed, slamming a fist against the counter. Kokoa leaned back.

"Ho? Love? You love Uchiha Sasuke?"

"Hai!"

"No you don't." She pointed another finger. "No. You. Don't."

"I do! I have always."

"Nu uh. You don't love Sasuke because you don't know Sasuke. You know nothing of him or what he's been through. You couldn't possibly understand the agony and despair that plague him, the horror he's lived through. You say he's complicated, but in reality he isn't. If you understand him then it all makes sense."

Sakura wiped away a few runaway tears, taking a moment to really look at Kokoa. Who was she? Who was this thin woman with messy hair and hollow eyes? Who was she to humiliate and talk down to her?  
"Just who are you?" Sakura snapped. Naruto aimed to intervene but fell back at Kokoa's glare.

"Me? Kuroki Kokoa. I'm sure you've heard the name," she said casually, picking at her nails. Sakura had heard of her indeed. She knew she was involved in something, that the village suspected her for some reason, but like many her age, Haruno didn't know much of the Uchiha massacre and what exactly happened; only a few rumors here and there, and surely she'd never have the nerve to ask Sasuke for details.

"What did you do? I used to hear your name a lot, and I see the way others look at and treat you. What did you do?"

"Sakura-chan, it's not a good –" Naruto fell quiet when Kokoa rested a hand on his shoulder.

"It's fine. Everyone else knows. What's adding one more little girl to the mix?"

"Ugh…" He dropped his shoulders with a sigh.

"I didn't do anything. I'm only a suspect. They have no proof."

"In what?"

"The eradication of the Uchiha clan."

"What –"  
"They think I conspired with Sasuke's older brother, that I helped him kill everyone and escape."

"So that's why – and when people said – it was you? You killed –"

"I didn't kill anyone," Kokoa snapped. "I wasn't even there. I was at home that night nursing an aching heart for something that happened earlier." She clenched her jaw at the memory.

_We can longer see each other, Kokoa._

_We're never going to see the sun set._

"I heard you ran after Sasuke-kun's brother when he came for Naruto recently. You did work with him. Why else would you have gone to him? Why else would you leave everyone and go after the monster that hurt Sasuke-kun?"

"Because unlike you I truly love him," she stated, firm and proud. Green eyes widened at the confession. Sakura nearly fell off her seat.

"You love him? You love S-Sasuke-kun?"

"Hmm?" Kokoa furrowed her brow. Was loving Itachi so out of the question, so ridiculous Sakura didn't even consider it?"

"I speak of Uchiha Itachi." She eyed the genin.

"What? You're kidding, right?"

"No. I don't joke."

"You…you really did do it then."

"Again, no I did not. I wasn't involved in the massacre, but I was involved with Itachi before it happened for a long time. That's why they suspect me. And that's why I went to see him, because I love him. Because I needed answers as to why it all happened."

"But – but…" Sakura looked on with wide eyes, afraid of the woman before her.

"And don't get me wrong, I do love Sasuke. He's the only family I have. We have a history, and it's because of that history that he and I have stayed together. It's because I know Sasuke and love Itachi that I know you don't truly love Sasuke. You can't see who he really is, the true ache in his heart, and that's why he's always pushed you away. Think me weird, call me names, give me looks, but don't ever talk to me about Sasuke as if you really know what's going on," Kokoa warned, rising to her feet. She pulled out money for her share. "And you were smart keeping your trap shut about Itachi, because if you opened that door you would have regretted it."

 

"What's gotten into you, Kokoa?" He paced the room.

"What do you mean, Sasuke?" She looked over from the kitchen.

"What do I mean? You know damn well what I mean," he spat, crossing his arms. "Kakashi and Naruto told me. You made Sakura cry? You threatened her? What made you do that? I didn't think you even knew her."

"Naruto dragged me along for lunch. She said some things, and well so did I." She shrugged.

"You made her cry, and she's terrified of you now. You told her everything didn't you?"

"Like it matters. Everyone else knows."

"Still."

"It's not as if you care about her. You don't love her like she claims to love you, do you?"

"Of course not."

"So why throw the fit, Sasuke?"

"You're messing with my teammates, asking the Hokage for missions, and you're wearing that fucking necklace again," he spat with narrowed eyes.

"This?" She lifted the Uchiha crest. "I never stopped. I just hid it well."

"Tch, this is what I'm talking about when I say things are out of control. You are out of control!"

"Says the boy willing to abandon everything for a snake."

"Coming from a girl throwing her life away for a rogue, S rank criminal who slaughtered his own parents."

"I am sorry you're upset with me Sasuke. She pushed me. I was a little off, but I have plans. Don't worry, Sasuke. I'm going to fix everything."  



	42. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #42

"So…how is she doing?"

"Who?"

"What do you mean who, Sasuke?" Naruto narrowed his eyes.

"Who are you talking about, dobe?"  
"Grrr, Kokoa! Who else?"

"Oh. How should I know?" He shrugged, shaking black tresses from his face.

"Um, maybe because you live with her."

"We've both been busy."

"Is she even alive?"

"Of course."

"Sasuke…I'm serious. When I last saw her she was upset and angry, and she made Sakura-chan cry, and she – Kokoa's not herself."

"Don't you think I know that?" he whispered, turning his face. "It's weird, but I don't know what to do. I have to focus on my own things too. It's just a mess."

"A mess –"

"The girl is out of her mind, worse than I've ever been. She's on edge, and now she's going on a mission in a few days. She's planning something, but I don't know what. I don't know how else to help." He fell quiet. Naruto shut his eyes in understanding.

"Ne, Sasuke, we have a mission too. Aren't we supposed to meet Kakashi-sensei at the gate in a little."

"Ah," he replied, starting off without the blond.

"Eh? Sasuke? Wait! Don't leave without me! You're such a jerk!" He ran after.

 

Kokoa and Sasuke had already said their goodbyes. Her mission wasn't for another few days. She fell to the couch with a soft thud, nestling against the many pillows. Craning her neck forward, she slipped the necklace off, eyeing it in her palm. It was times like this, when Sasuke was away, that she realized how truly alone she was. She feared what would happen when he left. What would become of her? What would happen to the poor little girl who only ever wanted to love and be loved?

Closing her fingers around the chain, she brought it to her chest, to her heart. Itachi wasn't there. She couldn't hold him or look after him, but she could Sasuke, and by helping Sasuke and keeping him safe at home, he wouldn't get his revenge, at least not before she got her answers. Itachi left her yet she cried for him to this day. He took her friends, her family, her past, and her future, but he wouldn’t take Sasuke. She would protect the boy she held dear out of affection of course, but also out of selfishness. She would protect Sasuke for Itachi's sake; her own twisted logic.

 

~

He strolled through the village with calm eyes, bangs bouncing with each step, hands in pockets. Arriving at his destination, he brought a fist to the door.

"To what do I owe this honor?" Shisui greeted him with a smile.

"Shisui," Itachi said, nodding politely.

"What brings you here? It's been a while." He casually leaned in the doorway.

"Nothing. I returned from my mission this morning. I thought I'd stop by. I have some time off."

"Oh? I can tell," he chuckled, brushing a spot of dirt from his friend's shoulder. "Good job not dying."

"Mmm, I try." He shrugged.

"As close as we are I still can't help but think you're here for a reason other saying hello."

"It's nothing serious. I was just curious if you're going to the festival tonight."

"I am free, but I didn't plan on going. Why?"

"No reason. I'm just curious like I said," he replied with a smile.

"Oh? Tachi, it seems you want to go. Am I right?" Shisui stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. Taking a few steps with his friend, the two eventually ended sitting side by side on a set of stairs.

"Personally I don't care much for things like this. Not that I'll never go, but this time around Sasuke isn't feeling well, so my mother isn't letting him go. I would like to go with Kokoa –"

"But your father is being…well your father?"

"Hai. If I took a girl to something like a festival he'd be convinced that we're seeing each other. It's complicated." He sighed, letting his shoulders fall.

"So why come all the way to my place. Surely it can't be solely because you missed me so?" Shisui cracked a grin.

"I had the ridiculous notion that if I told you you'd come up with a brilliant idea as always."

"Oh, Itachi-kun, flattery will get you nowhere."

"Actually, I was hoping you'd come."

"As your date? I thought you were seeing Kokoa. This is so unexpected –"

"Shisui…"

"Hai, hai. So you mean the three of us?"

"Ah. If it's the three of us as a group of friends then he won't be so suspicious, especially if he decides to go that night as well."

"A festival does sound nice. And dango too. And seeing pretty little Kokoa all dressed up…" He peered over at Itachi from the corners of his eyes, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Itachi narrowed his eyes.

"So you are protective and possessive. Heh, I wasn't so sure since you always wear the same face and act so casual around her."

"I didn't say anything."

"No, but your eyes did."

"I…" Itachi turned his face in embarrassment.

"Yosh. I'll help you out, Tachi. I'll go."

"You will?"

"What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't help you out with something so simple. Besides, Kokoa is the only girl who's ever going to put up with your crap. I'll do whatever necessary to make sure she stays. I can't have you growing old and alone."

"Thanks for thinking so highly of me, Shisui," he sneered.

"You know better than anyone how strange and antisocial you are. Just helping my brother out," he smiled, ruffling Itachi's hair.

"Tch, Shisui…" He sighed, pulling his hair out of the ponytail to fix the mess his friend had caused.

"Hai, hai. I'll help you. I could go for some snacks and fireworks, a break from the ton of work."

"Arigato."

"Ne, Itachi, can I ask you something?"

"No."

"I'm going to ask you anyway. You're always so serious, aside from when you're with Sasuke. You do your job, you follow orders, and you keep to yourself. You're reserved even around me."

"And?"

"Why?"

"That's just how I am _"

"I didn't finish," he sneered. "You should listen instead of interrupting your elders." Itachi eyed him. "I meant why Kokoa?" Itachi's face softened.

"What do you mean?"

"You're so serious and withdrawn, and she's so happy and excited. I know she's suffered. I know she lost her family. I know part of it is her desperately wanting to be happy, but she tries so hard. I just...she doesn't seem like your type. Not that you have a type. I didn't think I'd ever see you in a relationship, Tachi."

"It's...well I've known her since the academy. She was different. She...I can't quite explain it, only that I was drawn to her, the way she sat twiddling her thumbs or biting her lip while she struggled to speak up or make a decision. I just wanted to help her, always. The older we got, the closer we got. I guess like you she knew me instead of my Uchiha name, and as a shinobi she has suffered like me.

She has suffered and lived her life all on her own, yet she finds it in her to smile and be kind to those she cares for. I know as ninja we are tools, but born into a clan who has only ever fought out of love or hatred, I have no right to claim that we are emotionless tools. I have no right to judge, so Kokoa...she laughs and cries and it's because she's human, and because she's human she understands me and where I stand as a boy, a shinobi, and son of the captain. She is my other half." His eyes widened at his final statement, lips parting when he saw the smirk on his friend's face.

"Is that your language for I love you?" Shisui leaned in, eyes shut, lips puckered.

"Drop it," Itachi mumbled.

"Oh come on, haven't you two talked about marriage?"

"So? Many people have arranged marriages or hope they end up together without having confessed yet or anything..." he turned his face.

"Ho? I've never seen you this flustered. Ka-wa-ii."

"Shisui," Itachi said with an exasperated sigh.

"Naaaani?" He took a quick glance, chuckling softly at Itachi's bunched shoulders and clenched jaw, and he spotted the slightest hint of pink stain his cheeks despite the fact he turned his face.

"Oi, Itachi," he said softly. "I'll go. No worries." With his face still, turned.

"Ah...arigato."

 

He tapped the door, playing a brief song with his knuckles.

"Door? Now?" Kokoa set down the ice cream and dragged herself over, cracking it just enough so she could peek out.

"I-Itachi-san - why are you -" se stammered, realizing she did not want him to see her in the old tank top and messy bun she got cozy in.

"Hello to you too. Is it all right if I come in?"

"Uh - yes - yes! Just wait ten seconds." She released the door and scurried off to throw a shirt on. Itachi shook his head with a raised brow. She never ceased to amuse him. She truly was a mess, but she was his mess.

"Sorry," she said, walking out while tugging the hem of her jacket.

"It's fine. Isn't that mine?"

"What?" She looked up, oblivious.

"The jacket you're wearing." He pointed a finger.

"Ha? Oh! You must have left it here." She nervously fiddled with the zipper, hoping he wouldn't realize she kept it because it smelled like him and eased her heart whenever he was away for missions.

"I'll go change again-"

"It's fine," he chuckled. "I'm just wondering where it went. Looks like I caught you red-handed." He stepped over, flicking her forehead. She sunk into the jacket with a,

"Tch. Why are you here? I thought you were busy today."

"Truth is..I lied." He admitted.

"Lied? What for, Itachi-san? Is everything all right."

"You kill me when you do that," he sighed,

"Do what?

"I lied to you, and you're asking if I'm ok."

"I mean you're not one to lie, at least to friends and family. I figure something might have happened. If it kills you, fine then. I'm going to kill you instead for lying." she punched at his shoulder, but he caught her fist.

"I know you asked to go to the festival, but I lied and said I was busy. Truth is Sasuke has been sick and he can't go, and my mother will also be staying with him. If we had gone together my father would have made comments or started thinking something was going on, and you know how we've been hiding the fact. So I lied, hoping me being busy with work would be easier for you to handle than bluntly saying we can't because of my father. I am sorry."

"Mmm, I understand." She nodded.

"You're all right?

"I just won't kill you this time," she said with a smile.

"Good. I'm glad. Why don't you slip out of my smelly jacket and into something pretty....perhaps that red yukata a certain Uchiha gave you for your birthday." He grinned.

"Yukata? But why?

"Shisui said he would come with us so it would be three friends together instead of what would obviously look like a date.

"He's agreed to be the third wheel.?

"Oh yes."

"We'll owe him big time, Itachi-san."

"If it means taking you to the festival you've waited months for, then it's worth it. Besides, there will be dango."

"That there will." She smiled softly, eyes widening when he pushed up her chin with two fingers.

"Go get dressed. You take forever and you're a mess."

"It's my day off. Hai hai. Are you going to wear a yukata?"

"Me? Yukata? I wasn't planning on it. I was going to go in my uniform. Many shinobi, on duty or off, go in uniform."

"So why can't I?" She pouted.

"Because you're a pretty little girl who has a pretty little yukata stored away," he teased, hoping he wasn't coming across as too pushy. He truly did love her in that scarlet yukata. Kokoa didn't dress up often due to the nature of her work ,but oh how he loved it when she did.

"I'll wear it only if you wear a yukata too, you know, since you lied to me and all." She crossed her arms, eyes narrowed.

"But..." He let his shoulders . "Hai, hai, fair enough. I'll just force Shisui to do the same." He headed for the door.

"Thank you, Itachi san.."

"Don't thank me. Its something I want too. I want you to be happy, Kokoa. Stop smiling like a dork though. We'll meet you half way . Look for us."

"Hai!"

 

"So your father isn't going?"

"He was still at home when I left, reading over some things. I doubt he'll leave all that work for a festival. He's not the type."

"You got that right." Shisui blew a strand of hair from his eyes, throwing an arm around Itachi's shoulders.

"No worries, Itachi. Even if he does show up, that's why I tagged along. He likes me. I'm sure I can smooth talk our way out of trouble or suspicion, though it'll cost you," he grinned, rubbing his fingers greedily.

"Kokoa and I already know we owe you. We'll think of something." Itachi shook his head.

"Speaking of Kokoa, is that the yukata you made a fuss about, unsure if she'd like it or not?"

"Hu?" He followed Shisui's gaze, his own eyes spotting the girl.

"Ah – eh – hai."

"Whew!" Shisui bit his lip, holding his sides. "I'm positive I've never seen you this flustered before, Itachi," he said, still biting his lip with a grin.

"I'm not used to you teasing me about this…I'm not used to anyone teasing me about it to be honest," he mumbled.

"Tachi's in love. Who knows…she might just love you too, isn't that right, Kokoa?" he said loudly in the end.

"Isn’t what right?" she inquired. Itachi stiffened.

"I said I bet you're excited too," Shisui said, figuring she'd kill him if he hinted about her secret, the one she had no choice but to trust him with. "Anyways, you look very pretty, Kokoa."

"I – ah…" She stared at her feet, face boiling. It took everything in him to keep from laughing.

"Gomen, gomen. What I meant is that Itachi thinks you look very pretty."

"Thank you," she whispered. Speaking of Itachi, he shot Shisui a glare before starting off.

"You wore the yukata," she said, catching up to him.

"It's been a while. Not too bad though," he smiled, tugging at his sleeves. "I made Shisui wear his too."

"It's actually quite comfortable," the older friend stated. Kokoa chuckled at Shisui's comment. "Yosh. Let's get going. I'm sure it's packed by now."

 

"You know, Shisui-san, I've seen Itachi-san kick back and relax before, but this is…"

"I'm concerned."

"Same." She nodded as they eyed their friend swallow dango ball after dango ball.

"I know it's his favorite, but this is quite terrifying."

"He's addicted. He can't help it."

"Should we stop him, Kokoa?"

"Hmm, no. It's his one day to be himself and not so serious. I'll just make sure he doesn't vomit later."

"This must be why he's kept you around. You truly are good to him. Thank you for looking after my best friend, Kokoa, even if he does have a strange dango problem." He cracked a grin. She laughed quietly into her hand, but fell quiet and looked up in surprise when something slipped between her fingers.

"I know you like this kind," Itachi said, leaving the fresh stick of treats in her hand.

"Arigato," she chimed, moved by his gesture. Shisui tilted his head, watching the two, watching how kind and respectful Kokoa was, and just how much Itachi cared for the girl who was always too shy to speak up in class. It brought a smile to his lips, to see someone as troubled and pressured as Itachi act so warm and almost normal towards her; however, it also worried him.

Would it last because of their jobs? And more importantly, would Kokoa stay true to her word? Sure he believed her now, but when things really got rough, would the Kuroki stay by Itachi like she promised? Shisui knew there would come a time when Itachi would need her more than anything. Sure he didn't know what would happen, but he knew Itachi would struggle with something, and Kokoa would be the only one able to pull him back to his feet. Whether she knew it or not, Kokoa had Itachi's heart. Although he couldn't always be there with her physically, he gave her all of his heart.

  
Itachi sat, knees to chest, watching the fireworks light the sky. He shut his eyes momentarily, feeling his friends on each side. Normal people always attended events like this. Shinobi too, but…he wondered if those who weren't ninja enjoyed the little things in life a bit more – or perhaps it was the fact they had more of a chance to do so. He wondered what it meant to live a normal life. Would had it ever been possible for Uchiha Itachi to live as a normal boy, or did being born into a clan like the Uchiha seal his fate? He sighed deeply, catching Kokoa's attention. She peered over at Shisui who seemed to be dozing off, head bobbing around his shoulders.

"Are you all right?" she inquired, taking a hold of his sleeve. He nodded with a smile. Sure he wondered what normalcy was like, but being a shinobi meant he could protect his mother and father. He could protect Shisui and Sasuke. It meant he could protect…

"I'm fine, just happy to be with you, Kokoa."

"Thank you for going to all the trouble just so we could come, Itachi-san."

"Him? You're mistaken. I'm the one who went to all the trouble; wearing a yukata, missing a nap, chaperoning you two because his father's head would burst if he saw you."

"Weren't you sleeping?" Itachi, said, facing his friend with a dull expression.

"Hn, I'll teach you not to disrespect me so easily, Tachi." Shisui ruffled his hair.

"Tch, again? How troublesome."

"I got it," Kokoa said, tying back his hair.

"If you're going to kiss, I suggest doing it soon before I spot your father or anyone who would find it necessary to tell him that his oldest son is making moves on a girl, at night, on a hill, at a festival, under hanabi…" He turned his back to them. Itachi sighed. So Shisui was being serious. He took Kokoa's hand in his. Distracted by the action, she didn't notice him lean forward, pressing soft lips against her own. She pulled away with a shy giggle, squirming in place, flustered. He leaned back with a chuckle.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Mmm, it's all right. It was nice, Itachi-san."

~

 

She sat beside the fire, toasting cold hands, eyeing the rest of her squad. All were asleep but one, and not just any one, Takashi. They had gone on a mission together before. How could she forget the older shinobi who didn't seem to care that she was  _the_ Kokoa who was involved with  _the_  Itachi. He wasn't one to judge and made it obvious it required too much effort to care about something that clearly didn't affect him.

"Where's a little girl like you going this time of night?" he yawned as she walked by. She paused.

"I'm not little."

"You're smaller than me," he grinned. "Don't worry. I know you can kick ass if you need to. I've seen reports and heard rumors. You must be skilled if you helped your little Uchiha boyfriend out." He picked at his nails as he sat on the ground with his back against the tree. She was about to protest, but knew he meant it as a joke.

"I just need a walk. To clear my head."

"Oh?" He eyed her. Takashi wasn't stupid, and he was an excellent shinobi. He knew she was up to something, but he wasn't going to stop her. He knew she was troubled and Konoha didn't seem to care. If she wanted to run off and get herself in trouble, so be it. He wasn't going to interfere so long as it didn't affect the rest of the squad.

"Just for a little. I always liked the night air, and the moon is out."

"Hai, hai. Just don't get us killed. It'd be a shame. I'm too young, you know."

"Hn, sure," she sneered before leaving him.

  
She at first enjoyed the night like she told Takashi. The crisp air, the quiet hooting of howls, and crunching of leaves. But those simple treasures faded as she focused on her original goal. She was going to fix things. That's what she told Sasuke. She was going to find him. Not Itachi.  _Him._ Doing a bit of research and somehow getting assigned to this specific mission, it seemed the heavens were on her side just this once. He was close, and she knew it.

She spent what felt like an eternity searching, waiting, listening, feeling, anything, but nothing. She pushed herself off the tree she had been leaning on with a deep sigh. A twig snapped, and before she could even shift her gaze she stood paralyzed, restricted, bound by fear and what she assumed was some sort of gen-jutsu.

Her heart slammed against the walls of her chest as she struggled to fill her lungs with the cold, night air. If she didn't calm herself she was sure she'd suffocate or choke like the fool she must have looked like. With another snap of a twig and crunching leaves, she spotted a figure dancing in the dark. A taller figure. A larger figure. One encased in a terrifying vat of chakra that made the hairs on her neck stand erect and tears bubble at the corners of her electric blue eyes. One step. Two steps. With the third they finally stepped into the moonlight, and oh the horror that stained her face.

"I never thought we'd get the chance to meet, Kuroki Kokoa."  



	43. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #43

Kokoa shut her eyes, irked and afraid of the strange sound clouding her ears. She gasped upon realizing it was her heavy breathing and the violent beating of her heart. She tried to move, but her limbs hung useless as the gen-jutsu kept her in place. It took everything to raise her head and see the figure in the moonlight, and when deep blue eyes landed on him, she felt both relief and raw terror seize her.

"I never thought we'd get the chance to meet, Kuroki Kokoa," he hissed, a grin spread across his lips, hair fluttering in the night wind. She met his golden eyes briefly before turning away. She was a shinobi, a jonin, yet there she stood frozen in place and in fear, unable to speak, or think, or act. Perhaps Itachi was right after all. She was naïve, weak, and so beneath him. Even if she believed all that, Kokoa came here for a reason. She went to all this trouble to find him, and now that he stood there eyeing her, she couldn't back down. Besides, he probably wouldn't let her run off so easily. He did love playing with his prey after all.

She forced herself to face him again. As much as she hated what he was doing, he wasn't a personal enemy...yet. If anything, Kokoa understood him to a certain degree. She most certainly understood his grudge against Konoha, and that alone gave her the needed push.

"O-Orochimaru….sama…" she whispered, addressing him with respect. There was no need to be rude, not when she needed him to listen.

"Ho? Polite I see." He stepped closer. "You really are  _the_  Kuroki Kokoa. Omoshiroi. How interesting." Something flickered behind those eyes of his that made her stomach drop. The two remained quiet for a moment, Kokoa never looking away from the man who casually stood there picking at his nails. She frowned at herself for losing control of her emotions.

"So," He turned to her, pinning long hair behind his ear, earring swaying slightly as he did. "You've tracked me down for a reason. Care to share?"

"T-track you down?"

"Konoha shinobi don't happen to stumble upon me, Kokoa-chan. You planned this. You researched. Well here I am. What could someone like me do for you?" he smirked. "I'm willing to listen. You're not like other Konoha ninja. You're not blinded by that will of fire garbage Sarutobi was always spitting. You've been hurt and tainted. I can understand that. I am willing to listen to why you desperately came after me."

"I…" She struggled to form the words. With a wave of his hand the gen-jutsu dissipated, and she started to fall. With another flick of his wrist, snakes shot towards her, binding her hands behind her and keeping her feet in place.

"I don't need you trying anything. Nothing personal," he explained. "So? I'm interested. Don't waste the only chance you may have with me."

"Why?" she finally said.

"Oh?" He tilted his head with an amused look. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"Why? Why Sasuke? Why are you doing this?" She found her voice.

"So this is about Sasuke-kun after all? For a second I thought you were going to question me about Itachi seeing as how we were both in Akatsuki at one point."

"This is about Sasuke. Why are you tempting him? Of all people, why Sasuke?"

"Because he  _is_ Sasuke. He's the only one worthy – the only one I want. The Uchiha blood runs strongest in him, not that there are any other Uchiha left, but you know that," he chuckled, folding his arms across his chest. "Sasuke-kun is strong, but he hasn’t blossomed yet. He has potential, and I want to unlock it."

"For what reason?" She knew why. She knew Orochimaru and what he was after.

"Eternal youth and immortality," he said casually, as if it were nothing. She wasn't surprised. Rumors reached her ear that he was experimenting, that he was after all the jutsu and knowledge in existence and that obtaining them would take several lifetimes. She didn't care what he wanted, only that he was willing to use Sasuke.

"Please, please don't do this. You have all the options in the world –"

"And I chose the Uchiha boy, someone I can mold to my liking. I have chosen his body."

"Orochimaru!"

"Sasuke-kun will make his own decision. It's not as if I snuck into Konoha and carried him away."

"You might as well have. You manipulated him."

"I simply put the idea in his head. The boy wants power for revenge, and I'll give it to him. He was bound to leave anyway. It's his decision in the end. Speaking of revenge, now I'm beginning to wonder if you're doing all this for your beloved Itachi."

"Eh?" She looked on with parted lips.

"If Sasuke comes to me that means he wants power for revenge. I'm not unfair. I'd be willing to let him exact that revenge before trying anything with him. If Sasuke comes to me, Itachi becomes a target, and his life could be on the line in the future. No need to deny it. We're all a little selfish at times."

"Fine," she sighed. "If Sasuke leaves for power, I can't stop him from hunting Itachi down. He can't kill him, not before I get my answers…not ever…"

"To still bear feelings for Itachi, you're quite the devoted one, Kokoa-chan," he grinned.

"I don't want to lose Itachi, not again, but I also don't want to lose Sasuke. Sasuke is the only family I have. He's the only person who understands what I've been through. You cannot take him from me –"

"He doesn't understand what it's like to be the victim of Konoha, what it's like to have this reputation. Sasuke doesn't understand the stigma and judgment, at least not yet."

"I love him so much. He's all I have. Surely you can understand what it's like to feel utterly alone and hated!"

"I do."

"Please don't take him from me. I'll do anything. I'll – take me instead!" She bit her lip after the last statement, waiting for his response. As terrified as she was, she had meant it. And there it was, that flicker behind those golden eyes.

"Kuroki Kokoa, the offer is tempting, considering your clan's history, but you have much yet to discover about yourself. You haven't blossomed yet."

"You said Sasuke hasn't either –"

"Sasuke-kun is aware of the sharingan and of his clan. He just needs training. You on the other hand, you don't know anything about your family, your abilities. If I knew more about the Kuroki I would have considered your offer, but it seems even I cannot help you unlock what's dwelling deep in those veins of yours."

"Then try. You are the Orochimaru. If you can't figure me out, who can? I'm offering to take Sasuke's place. Let him stay in the village with his friends. Let him live his life. Let him try to be happy. I'll do whatever you ask of me." Her words went on deaf ears. Her pleas and desperate gestures left her. She stood angry now, determined to get what she wanted, tired of being told no.

"Sasuke-kun will come to me, and I will have the perfect vessel. Nothing you say will change my mind."

"If you lay a finger on him –"

"You'll what?"

"I'll tear you apart! Stay away from Uchiha Sasuke."

"Heh, you are your father's daughter," he smiled, ignoring her threats. Everything about her demeanor changed. She stood with wide eyes, shoulders dropped, searching his face, his eyes for more.

"You…knew my father?"

"Everyone knew Akihiko," he said, releasing her from the restraints. She nearly hit the ground, but managed to catch her balance.

"No one will tell me about my parents. I can't find anything on them. My clan wasn't from Konoha. The most family I had were Itachi-san and Sasuke, and that's fallen apart." She gripped at her chest.

"Akihiko was an interesting man. You look just like him, even down to that fire in your eye. Of course your hair is black. His was…earthy, mossy. You got that from your mother."

"One of Danzo's dogs told me my father was slow. That he made people feel uneasy and he didn't catch on to things. He was dense."

"And that is why you never trust Danzo or anyone who associates with him," he chuckled.

"Can I trust you?"

"We may disagree about Sasuke-kun, but I don’t dislike you, Kokoa. I could do a lot with you if things were different. Your father was terrifying. That's why people felt uneasy about him. After your grandfather grew old and ill, he stepped down and passed the leadership of the Kuroki to Akihiko, though it was nothing to celebrate. As far as I know, the Kuroki was a difficult clan; small and scattered, never really settling anywhere. Some were even killed because your abilities were that potent.

Akihiko did what he could to salvage what was left of the clan, but he realized it was futile. Some members drifted away to do what they pleased, some ran off to live hiding their abilities, and others got themselves killed. He and your mother eventually found Konoha and that's where his real hell began."

"Terrifying? Hell? What?" Kokoa's eyes never left him. She looked on with parted lips. Just who was Akihiko?

"Your father was a lot like Itachi in that he was the strong son set to inherit power from his father. Akihiko lost his brother by blood as well as other clan members. He watched them die, mercilessly slaughtered, even witnessing the death of his own mother at a young age. He was hardened, and bitter, and ruthless when it came to defending what little he cared for. He never fully revealed his abilities, but the kekkei genkai, it had something to do with mind games. He could get inside your head and dig around in there, and he made it clear he wouldn't hesitate to hurt anyone who threatened him or his pregnant wife. In case you didn't know, Konoha pushed the Uchiha to the outskirts of the village, telling them they could run that sad little police force as a means to keep them quiet and obedient. Your father suffered the same thing – in fact he suffered as you are now.

He wasn't from Konoha, and he was known for being this brutal shinobi. Of course they watched him. Of course he was followed and observed. He was warned and harassed, threatened by the government. If he so much as even thought to step out of line, they would have his wife and unborn child murdered in front of him before cutting off his own head. Akihiko was a prisoner. A prisoner like Uchiha Itachi, bound to his clan and its expectations, and a prisoner like Kuroki Kokoa, watched and ridiculed by the very village he so desperately wanted to call home."

Kokoa shut her eyes, still clawing at her heart. Sasuke, Itachi, Akihiko…the men in her life who were supposed to care for her, but ended up leaving instead. So this was Akihiko's pain. She was right all along; this was Hell.

"You are one of the only Kuroki left. For all we know you could be the last. That power flowed strongest in Akihiko, and he has passed it on to you. Honor him, Kokoa. No more hiding, and no more letting that miserable Konoha treat you like garbage. Our disdain for our village is something we share, you and I. I'll do anything if I get to see you unleash your hatred over there. Akihiko left you. Itachi left you. Sasuke-kun will leave you. Are you going to quietly live out the rest of your life, or are you going to have some fun? If you manage to unlock your true power before I take Sasuke-kun, I might consider your offer, but nothing's certain, so don't get excited." He took one step back towards the darkness.

"Wait! Wait! My father, how did he die? The Root member, he goes by Zaji, told me my father was killed in action, that he was on a mission and things went sour."

"Hmmm," he hummed, ears twitching slightly. He took another step, half of him already concealed in the dark. He looked past her at the sound of rustling and presence of chakra. With a warning in his eye and a smirk on his lips,

"He was murdered."

"Mur –" He was gone before she could finish.

"Oi! There she is!"

"Kuroki Kokoa, don't move!" He launched the jōhyō, one end of the rope coiling around Kokoa's wrists, binding her arms behind her back. With a tug from his end of the tool, Zaji forced her to her knees.

"Meeting up to chat with your rogue boyfriend is one thing. Conspiring with Orochimaru at this time of night is another. Didn't I warn you. We're always watching."

"Let's get her back."

"Ah." He slipped a sack over her head. Darkness.

 

Dark and cold. Kokoa sat in her cell with only the sound of her light breathing and the pitter patter of water dripping in the corner. On the floor slumped against the wall, she stared out through the prison bars into the dim hallway, into that empty, narrow, barely lit hallway.

She lifted a shaky arm, tiredly rubbing the mud from her cheek. The migraines were back, racking her with unbelievable pain. Her body ached from the hours of interrogation, or what she saw as torture, both physical and psychological. She sat up as the door opened, stone grinding against stone, light pouring in. She couldn't see at first, but she felt him, his presence. She gasped, crawling over to the gate of her cell, using every last bit of strength in her body to rise to her feet.


	44. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :) Thank you for feedback. I truly appreciate it. I intended to post this yesterday, but I was very busy, and well...Naruto's manga came to an end. Take that and the fact the final Hobbit trailer was released, and you'll see that I've been emotionally compromised :P But Naruto's farewell is absolutely tragic. I'll take a moment to honor T_T
> 
> This is it. It is over. After 15 years of following the loud, impulsive number one ninja at surprising people, Naruto has come to an end. 700 chapters. Kishimoto Masashi is brilliant, his work full of life, passion, dedication, emotion; themes of love, hate, war, sacrifice, and friendship. Through Naruto, he has inspired me as a person. Through Naruto, he has inspired me as a writer like nothing and no one ever has. I cannot put into words what I am feeling. I cannot even begin to describe the heartache of losing something that has been with me for so long; the story I have grown up with; the characters I have laughed with and cried for. We come to it at last. Arigato-gozaimasu, Kishimoto Sensei ♥
> 
> And I'm glad to still be writing this story. I'm excited to further explore Itachi's struggle in Shippuden. I am beyond happy that all of you are invested in this story, so a thank you to the readers as well :) Now...to the angst! Enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Facebook.com/Shadowbender16 and my Tumblr is Melkor-16

She saw him for a split second, as he was; the quiet, observant boy with kind eyes. She saw her friend, her mentor, her family, the one who gave her everything and then stripped it all away. She saw Uchiha Itachi.

The shadows disappeared as he stepped closer, and she realized the silhouette was not Itachi, but Sasuke, and deep in her heart Kokoa knew all along it was Sasuke, but there it was as always, that desperate bit of hope, that part of her clinging to the image of the innocent Itachi burned into her mind. Still, she gasped in relief.

"Sasuke –" She paused, what small smile she wore fading, fingers gripping the bars at the look plastered across his face, the fire in his eyes, the curl of his lip. She shivered at the sight, afraid. For the first time she stood afraid of Uchiha Sasuke. For the first time she saw a passion in those ebony eyes of his that she had never before seen, a passion that was anger towards her, and she knew would morph into to utter hatred the moment he confronted Itachi. For the first time she wondered just what Uchiha Sasuke was capable of.

"Sasuke, I –"

"Be quiet."

"Just let me explain –"

"Enough."

"I promise it's not what you thin –"

"Shut up, Kokoa!" he shouted, both flinching at his volume, at his words. She stepped away from the gate, eyes wide. He never looked at her like that before. He never yelled like that, never told her to shut up. "It's not what I think, huh?" he finally spoke, gazing off to the side. "What am I supposed to think? Tell me. What am I supposed to think of you running off to meet Orochimaru? Please tell me."

"Sasuke, I –"

"Tell me!" He faced her, furious. "Is that all you can say? Sasuke, I, Sasuke I? I think I deserve more than that. Tell me what the hell you were doing, what you were thinking? What – I – you meeting up with my brother made a lot more sense than this."

She remained quiet, biting at her bottom lip.

"Nothing? You have nothing to say? Kokoa, look at me!" he commanded.

"Why are you yelling? You never talk to me like this."

"Can't handle it?"

"Sasuke, enough."

"You're the one at fault, not me. Tell me, Kokoa."

"Tell you what!" She threw her hands apart. "Huh, Sasuke? What?" She rubbed the same spot on her cheek, annoyed the bit of dirt wouldn't disappear. Sasuke winced, realizing it was a bruise.

"Why did you plan this? Why did you track him down? No one runs into Orochimaru just like that!"

"Don't you know…?" She stepped forward, leaning against the bars, her gaze low, arms hanging at her sides. He saw the sadness, the despair in her eyes, heard it in her voice. She had fallen apart again. She was hurting, in pain, and he didn't want to be the one causing it. He walked over, as close as he could get.

"Sorry."

"Hm?" She met his eyes.

"I don't like yelling at you. I just…" He rubbed his arm. He yelled because she had done something stupid. He yelled because he was worried, afraid she had gotten hurt or worse. He yelled because he loved her.

"Can't you see it, Sasuke?" she said. "Why I did what I did."

"Kokoa, you can't."

"You're going to leave me for him. I had to try to stop it. I had to fix things," she whispered.

"I told you not to interfere. I told you not to get involved, not to stop me."

"You can't blame me. You're all I have. The thought of losing you, and to someone like him, Sasuke I can't lose someone else. I can't lose you too. Why can't you understand that?" she pleaded, clutching the left of her chest, her heart, tears swelling.

"Why can't you understand that this is something I have to do, Kokoa? I made it clear, what I intend to do. I need my revenge, and to get it, I need power from Orochimaru. It hasn't changed." He made sure to keep his voice low.

"No you don't need revenge. We can make things work. We can stay here, we can –"

"We can what, be happy? We tried. We've been trying ever since Itachi left, and we've never been truly happy, Kokoa. You know it."

"I'll try again, I swear –"

"You're as obsessed with finding your truth as I am with revenge. We're no different. When will you stop pretending?" He crossed his arms, leaning with his left shoulder against the door like her. "I believe you when you say you don't want to lose me, but I also know you've been trying to keep me here in Konoha away from my revenge because it'll mean Itachi can live. I'm not stupid. I can read you like an open book," he said. She nearly gasped. Itachi was the one who read her so easily, and for the longest time Kokoa was the one who read Sasuke. Now their roles had switched.

"Sasuke…" She didn't know what to say. What could she say? He was going to leave. There was no denying it. Sasuke was leaving, and he was leaving soon. Nothing she said would change his mind. Nothing she said would keep him beside her. He had made his decision.

"Pease stay with me, Sasuke," she whispered, tears breaking free and trickling down her bruised cheeks. "I'll change. I'll be – I can be there for you. Please – I need you." She sobbed quietly, eyes shut tight. He swallowed hard, saddened by her begging and crying. He always hated seeing her so low. He wanted to make it all better, to tell her it would be all right, but he couldn't lie. Not this time.

"No, Kokoa, you don't need me," he said, no longer leaning but standing upright directly across from her, clutching the bars with both fists. "And I don't need you." He spoke gently, watching her with sad eyes. She stared on in shock.

"You've made your decision, Kokoa. You love Itachi. I didn't get it at first. I was angry. I felt betrayed. I just couldn't understand it. Hell, I still don't, and I told you it was ok, but I lied because it wasn't, because it made me mad. It made me so mad, but Kokoa, this time I mean it when I say I accept it. I don't understand how you can love him after he's killed everyone, after he's lied and abandoned us, but I accept it. I can't change it. I can't change you. It's important to you, and because you're important to me, I accept it. So I need you to accept that I am going to get power, and when I'm ready I will find Itachi, and I will make him pay for every Uchiha he killed, for every lie he spoke. You have to accept that." He spoke firmly, eyes narrowed, serious but also kind towards her.

"You made your choice, Kokoa. You don't need me. You want me, and the idea of the two of us staying together in happy, little Konoha is comforting, but you don't need me. I haven't done anything for you except be a burden and remind you of the man who took everything –"

"You're wrong, Sasuke! You helped me. You were a friend, family, the only one who understood. You were there for me. Sasuke you gave me a home, a place to return to, someone to return to. I needed you – I still do! I took you in by my own choice. Don't you ever fucking think otherwise!"

"Even so, you don't need me now. I can't do anything for you anymore. We've been stuck, only arguing and hurting each other. You don't need me. And I don't need you. I have my own road to follow, my destiny. I'm an avenger. Your role is over. It's time I do things for myself. And it's time you do the same. You're a mess. Start taking care of yourself. You deserve so much, Kokoa. You deserve peace, happiness. If I could give it to you, I would…" She had returned to holding onto the bars. He moved a hand, placing it over hers.

"I have to do this. I have to go. I will end things, and then I will come back. I'll come back for you, and we can start over. We can be happy, Kokoa."

She shut her eyes, crying once again, crying at his promise, the promise so similar to Itachi's.

"There is no happy ending. There is no going back to those days is there?" she sobbed. "I'll never have peace. I'll never be whole again. I'll never get to watch the sunset."

"Kokoa –"

"I'll be a criminal for the rest of my life for something I never did, a criminal for ever loving Itachi, and I'll be alone, always watching your back, you and Itachi, watching everyone leave me, like my father, like Itachi, like you. Perhaps you're better off without someone like me –"

"Shut up with that," he snapped. "You're making me say all this awful stuff to you. Just stop, Kokoa." His voice cracked slightly. The moment was getting to him. She did not know, but this was his goodbye. He would leave tonight while she was in jail.

"Kokoa," he said softly, gaining her attention. He leaned forward to stick an arm between the bars, cupping her face with his hand. He aimed to pull back, but mustered the courage to stay. She leaned into his touch, controlling her breath. He glanced away, bothered by the heat in his face, praying she couldn't see the blush in his cheeks.

"Right now revenge is my main focus. I need it to ever move on. I have to do this for myself. But don't you ever think you're not important to me, because you are. I owe you everything, and I will make it up to you when this is all over. I will fix everything. But you have to help. You have to help yourself. Take care of yourself. Figure out what's causing your migraines, get stronger, sort out your priorities and what it is you want." He searched her face for an answer.

"Kokoa, I still have to train and get stronger. In that gap – during that time Itachi is free. Do what you have to," he whispered, resting his forehead against the metal. "Get your answers. Go get your truth. It's ok. It's ok, Kokoa. Get your closure. Find Itachi, make him talk."

"Sasuke…"

"I'm serious. If I can get my revenge then you deserve your peace. Just know that when the time comes, I can't wait. So act fast. It'll be a race between us, both trying to get to him. Just promise me you'll do whatever it takes to be happy, Kokoa. Promise me you'll stop living as a criminal for the village and as a support system for me, and that you'll start living for yourself. Promise me."

"I promise, Sasuke." She nodded. He leaned further, his heart racing at his sudden and bold gesture. Never before had he touched her that way. Had he thought about it? Of course, but he never thought he'd find the courage to do it. It would be the perfect moment, the perfect opportunity to tell her, to confess. His secret had threatened to leave his lips countless of times, but he always held back. He always kept quiet. How could she love the little boy she took in? How could she when she didn't know about Sasuke's own feelings? How could she when she still loved his brother?

I love you, Kokoa. I love you with everything in me, every fiber of my being, and if I could take away all your pain and sorrow, I would! I'd shoulder it all just for you. I'd give you the world. If you didn't love Itachi perhaps I would have told you I loved you, and perhaps I wouldn't have to leave you now. If things were different I would have stayed, and we could have worked to be happy together, but that isn't that case. It's not so simple.

He felt himself cracking. He gently pulled his hand away, playfully tugging at her hair with a sad laugh.

"It's longer. You let it grow."

"Yeah," she said, a tiny smile lighting her face.

"I always liked it long," he said.

"I want to grow it out, wear it like I used to." She met his eyes, and there it was. She saw his true intentions. She saw his farewell.

"I'm glad. It looks better long. Don't be so boyish all the time. It's ok to be a girl you know," he teased.

"Hai, hai. For you, Sasuke. I'll take care of myself."

"Do it for yourself, not just me. You're worth it."

"Hai." She nodded. He gazed off to the side in thought. This was it.

"Thank you for everything, Kokoa. Thank you for…just…arigato, Kokoa."

She reached out, pulling him by the collar of his shirt. She did all that she could, sticking both arms out between the bars to fold around him. He stared at her, surprised, embarrassed.

"I'll see you once they let me out of here. That's if they do any time soon. Try not to make a mess at home," she said. He saw in her eyes that she knew this was the end, but he also saw that tiny glimmer of hope that perhaps he'd change his mind and she would in fact find him safe at home.

"When you do get out, Kokoa, don't do anymore stupid things. No more stunts. Stay out of trouble. I can't come bail you out all the time."

"No promises." She released him. He stepped back.

"I should go. Take care, Kokoa," he said. She nodded, feeling the hot tears once again. He dragged himself over to the door, pausing to look back at the broken girl one last time. One last time.

"Sayonara, Kokoa."


	45. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter I originally published on Itachi's actual birthday back in June, hence it being a birthday special sort of thing, BUT it's a flashback and I've gotten feedback from both sites saying that you guys like the flashbacks, especially the ones with Shisui! So here you go. The next chapter is when things start to shift. Big news for Kokoa, changes are coming, and I'm aiming to jump to Shippuden right after chapter 50 and that means a lot more Itachi. So we're close! Arigatooo!

"What's got you looking so sad?"

"Shisui-san?" Kokoa glanced up, surprised to see the older boy approaching her, a hand stuffed in one pocket, the other combing through his always wild curls.

"That'd be me," he said with a grin. "You all right?"

"Mm," she said, nodding.

"Come now, I've been around you enough to know when you're lying, Ko-ko-aaaa. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing too serious. I'm just bummed is all. Tomorrow is Itachi-san's birthday, you know."

"Is it already? That old man," he chuckled.

"But he told me not to plan anything. He stressed it, making me promise I wouldn't do anything. I don't know why he's so –"

"Uptight?"

"Not the word I'm thinking of."

"Weird? Creepy? Boring?"

"He thinks I go out of my way for him, and I do sometimes, but it's in a good way. I just like making him happy," she smiled. "It's not like I'm hurting myself just so he can benefit, you know. I don't mind doing things for him. It makes me happy too. I wanted to treat him to birthday dango of course, and a small present, and to just celebrate a little. Nothing huge."

"He's just too nice. He feels guilty for dragging you around and then disappearing for days, so when you do something really special, it kind of eats at him. Like I said, guilt. He made you promise not to do anything, huh?"

"Yeah. I can't go back on my word." She shrugged with a sigh.

"Well I didn't promise that punk anything, so leave it to me. I'll arrange something small and fun for the three of us. How's that sound?"

"Shisui-san? If it's too much trouble –"

"Not at all. He's a brother to me after all. Besides, I know you want him to be happy. I'll help you any time you need, Kokoa. I've told you before, you're good for him, and I'm glad you love him…even though I can't tell him you do," he pouted in the end.

"And you won't tell him, ever. I'll be the one to do so."

"Hai, hai. I'll do a little planning and get back to you later."

"Arigato, Shisui. It means a lot."

"Don't worry about it. You'll just owe me one later, Kokoa," he grinned, patting her head playfully.

"Hai, hai."

 

"Ni-san!"

"Huh?" Itachi paused in the hallway, eyes fixed on a charging Sasuke. He of course didn't move out of the way. Sasuke leapt forward, clinging onto his older brother.

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" He looked down with a wide smile.

"Tanjoubi omedetou, Ni-san!"

"Oh?"

"It's your birthday!"

"Hmm, I guess it is."

"Mhm!"

"So where's my present, Sasuke?" he inquired.

"Present?" The child pulled away, horrified. "Um…" He fiddled with his thumbs. Itachi crouched down to his level, flicking his forehead.

"No present on my birthday? Foolish little brother," he teased.

"I didn't know what to get! You're weird, Ni-san," he mumbled.

"Oi, I'm only kidding, Sasuke. I don't need a present. Having you around is all I need." He swept him up in his arms. "Arigato, Sasuke."

"This is what I mean when I say you're weird, Itachi!" He struggled in his hold.

"I can't help it. It's how I am. Now let me hug you."

"Go hug Kokoa," he whispered. Itachi dropped his brother gently. Sasuke's butt hit the floor with a thud.

"Sneaky, Sasuke. That's none of your business."

"Yes it is. You two told me about it. I'm part of the relationship."

"Is that so?" Itachi scanned the hall. Fugaku was out that day, but he still felt the need to check.

"Mhm."

"Sasuke, I'm going to –"

"Oh, Shisui. Long time no see," Mikoto's voice sounded in the other room. The brothers fell quiet and strolled over.

"Shisui-san!" Sasuke raced over.

"Easy, Sasuke," Itachi warned.

"It's ok. I can take it!" Shisui laughed as Sasuke ran into him.

"What brings you here?" Mikoto inquired. Itachi eyed his friend.

"May I borrow Itachi? A friend and I threw together some small birthday celebrations. We'll have him home by dinner."

"Yes! Go, Itachi. You don't have enough fun. Enjoy your birthday with your friends," she urged. She met Shisui's eyes, both smirking, both aware that Kokoa was involved. "So go, my dear." She dragged him over, nearly pushing him out the door.

"Fine, fine," he sighed. "Sorry, Sasuke. I'll be back soon."

"What for, Ni-san?"

"To beat you up. You didn't get me a present, remember?"

"Eh…"

"Let's go!" Shisui led him out.

 

"Are you quiet because you're angry or because you're always quiet?" Shisui said, not looking back at his friend as he dragged him through the village.

"Because I have an idea of what's going on, but at the same time I don't," Itachi replied.

"Just go with it. It'll be fine."

"Shisui, you didn't ha –"

"There she is! Oi! Kokoa!" He sang her name in the end, waving obnoxiously. She hopped over with a smile, three balloons in hand.

"Kokoa," Itachi sighed. She opened her mouth to protest, but Shisui stepped in instead.

"I'll handle him. Listen, Tachi," he said, poking his chest with a finger. "She didn't come crying to me, I promise. I spotted her all sad and upset and asked why. Apparently a grumpy, little brat named Itachi didn't want his girlfriend doing anything for his birthday. Care to explain?" He crossed his arms.

"I just didn't want her going out of her way for something silly," he said with a shrug.

"See?" Shisui turned to Kokoa. "I told you, guilt."

"I just…" He let his shoulders fall in defeat.

"It's no trouble at all, Itachi-san. I like doing things like this. They make you happy, and well, me too," Kokoa said softly. Shisui leaned close to his friend.

"You go out of your way for those you love."

"Hm?" Kokoa glanced between the two.

"Just a dumb guy joke. Sorry," the older Uchiha chuckled, glad she hadn't heard. Itachi stood silently, momentarily frozen by Shisui's words.

"Otanjoubi omedetou gozaimasu, Itachi-san," she said with a nod.

"Kokoa…" He turned his face shyly, reaching out to grab her hand. "Arigato, Kokoa."

"That's more like it!" Shisui cheered. "So how about some dango, because we all know Itachi can't live without the stuff, and let's see what kind of lame birthday fun we can have before you have to run home."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Yosh!"

 

"And then we – we –" Shisui nearly fell over in a fit laughter, trying to tell Kokoa a story about him and Itachi doing something very stupid, something Itachi wanted to forget so bad that he stood off to the side, face turned, cheeks red, begging his friend to stop. Kokoa held her sides, laughing just as hard. Itachi loosened, smiling softly at the sound of her laughter.

"Itachi." The three fell quiet, turning to see Fugaku. "It's almost time for dinner. Let's head home."

"Fugaku-san," Shisui said with a wave. He replied with a wave of his own before his eyes landed on Kokoa. She nodded out of respect, remaining quiet. He also nodded, something she hadn't expected.

"I guess I have to go now. Thank you, both of you," Itachi said. "I mean it. Today was great."

"I'm glad," Kokoa smiled.

"Now go eat, that is unless the dango's spoiled your appetite." Shisui punched him playfully. "Take care, Tachi."

"Sayonara." He jogged off to walk home with his father.

"What are you running around with Shisui and the Kuroki girl for?" Fugaku inquired.

"They wanted to treat me for my birthday."

"Oh yeah?" He raised an eyebrow. "Happy birthday, Itachi." He threw an arm around his son, walking side by side down the quiet road, the sun setting in the distance.

 

Stepping into his room, he paused, eyeing the row of…odd objects lined up on the bed.

"Sasuke?"

"Ni-san, there you are," he said, popping out of nowhere.

"What's all this?"

"I felt bad because I didn't know what to get you for your birthday, so I dug around for some stuff. This is my lucky kunai. Maybe it'll be lucky for you too. Or here's Mr. Roary." He held up his green dinosaur. "But maybe you won't like him so much," he said, not wanting to part with the toy.

"Sasuke."

"And I have –"

"Sasuke, I was kidding about a gift. Really, I'm fine."

"But I wanted to get you something you love, Ni-san."

"I love you, silly." He flicked his forehead.

"You know what I mean."

"Fine, fine. Hmmm." Itachi rubbed his chin in thought. "I love dango."

"That's right! I have some money saved up. Ni-san, let me treat you to dango!"

"Hai, hai. Sure, Sasuke. It'll be fun."

"Mhm!" He tackled his older brother. "Happy birthday, Ni-san!"

 

"Hm?" Kokoa, stopped in her room, swearing she heard a sound. She neared the window, eyes widening at the hand pushing it open. She stepped back in surprise.

"Itachi-san?"

"Yo, Kokoa," he said with a smile, one foot inside her room, the other dangling outside.

"It's late. Why are you out?" She stepped over.

"I wanted to properly thank you for today."

"Oh it's nothing –"

"Kokoa." He leaned over, cupping her face with his right hand, holding onto the edge of the window with his left. He kissed her softly. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Hmm," she hummed shyly.

"I need to go though."

"Of course, no worries."

"Oyasu." He started to leave.

"Itachi-san?"

"Hm?"

"I…" She bit her lip. Why was it so hard to get those words out, those three simple words? "I – I'm glad. I'm glad you had fun. I'm glad you're happy."

"Ah." He smiled. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She shut the window after him. "I love you…"


	46. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #46

Itachi glanced over his shoulder, eyeing the figure stopped behind him.

"Kuroki Kokoa."

"Hm?" He faced Pein fully, careful not to break composure.

"That woman you mentioned some time ago, it's Kuroki Kokoa, and she didn't give you trouble. You two were lovers, until you decimated your clan and fled Konoha that is," Pein said. "I told you I'm not fond of liars, Itachi."

"I only lied because I didn't want you thinking I was running off to see her."

"But you were."

"She followed Kisame and I when we went after the Kyuubi. She won't let me go. I wanted to return something to her and make sure she wouldn't come after me again –"

"So you still care for her then?" he interrupted. Itachi said nothing. "Because if she was that much of a problem you would have killed her by now, no? The truth."

"Why ask if you know?" Itachi lowered his gaze. Pein scrutinized the Uchiha, bewildered.

"Oh?"

"How did you find her?" Itachi inquired.

"Zetsu is quite helpful."

"Let me do it," Itachi said.

"Do what?"  
"You're going to kill her. Let me be the one."

"I said no such thing."

"Surely you wouldn't just leave things."

"I'm not impulsive like some of the others around here. I'm not going to kill her just because I can, Itachi. I'm curious more than I am upset." He crossed his arms. "I'm not going to ask about your little romantic history. I don't care that much, and I'm not so sure you'd tell me the truth, but I will ask you this, Itachi, where now do you stand and what are you going to do?"

"There is something I need to return to her. That's all I want."

"This is the last time I'm putting up with you sneaking around. If there's trouble again, I'll kill her. She may mean something to you, but if she gets in the way she will pay for it." He turned on his heels, leaving Itachi in the dark as he often did after a scolding. The Uchiha, despite Pein threatening Kokoa, felt a weight leave his shoulders. He made his way to his quarters, shifting things here and there until he found it, fingers gripping tightly.

_'You will get this back, Kokoa. I promise you will.'_

 

 

Her eyes had run dry. She refused to speak, refused to eat, to sleep, not in rebellion or spite, but in defeat. Kuroki Kokoa had been defeated. Itachi had stolen half of her when he left, and the other half, made up of her time with Sasuke and Kakashi; the few but pleasant moments, was also stolen, gone the second Sasuke stepped out of the village.

She sat slumped against the cold wall, stomach crying, head bobbing and throbbing, losing the fight to stay awake. Dark eyes rolled back, and she faded, but not to black as she had experienced before. White. A cold white. An empty white.

When she opened her eyes, Kokoa was not greeted by the grey stone of her prison cell. She found herself surrounded by white, that same white she saw while losing consciousness. Panic struck. Had she died? From what? How? She last recalled herself fading in jail, but not from anything too serious, only exhaustion and a broken heart. She clutched her chest, eyes shut tight. Then again, a broken heart could kill. The life she had been leading and the life she would lead now that Sasuke had left…could she really call it living?

A pitter patter, a soft sound, something made her scramble to her feet, holding herself from fear and the cold, the bone chilling cold of that white world. Kokoa took a few steps, wondering if anything would show if she moved. Nothing, that is until she spotted a shadow in the distance, a figure inching towards her. She blinked hard and long, only to find the figure just several yards away, face still in shadows. She stood in a defensive stance, heart racing. Who was that? What did they want? And if it came to a fight, would jutsu even work wherever she had found herself?

"Stay back," she warned when it moved. It paused momentarily before resuming its trek towards her. A hand shot down to the kunai pouch on her leg – the empty kunai pouch. It seemed she entered the white world the way she left the physical; tired, hurt, defenseless; an utter mess with scattered hair, wide eyes, and that bruise Sasuke had noticed.

"Stop. Don't come near me." Her voice trembled as she spoke. "Please…stop." And the figure did, not because she asked, but because it finally stood a yard away; close enough to see and hear. Kokoa tilted her head, eyeing it, eyeing him. Yes, the figure was a man, a young man in his twenties, but that wasn't what struck her. It was this sense of familiarity. No doubt about it, he reminded her of Itachi; a quiet man, reserved, standing erect and calm with eyes that seemed to see everything, though the Itachi she knew held a kindness this man did not. Itachi was gentle, he sought peace. The man before her, while he most certainly could be kind for all she knew, was not as inviting as the Uchiha. There was a ferocity to his eyes; jagged and rough on the outside, enough to hurt anyone who came too close.

Still, his resemblance to Itachi wasn't what she found familiar about him. It was more of a feeling than sight. Kokoa struggled with herself, terrified but also unable to look away. She hoped to recognize him if she stared hard enough, but felt herself grow uncomfortable and embarrassed before the young man.

"Just who are you?" she mumbled, eyes focused off to the side. "More importantly, where am I?"

"You could call it your subconscious," he spoke, voice smooth like black velvet. "The inner recesses of your mind. Your head. In the end, it's you."

"Am I dead?" She looked up, despair in her eyes.

"No. Though the fact I'm here means you've fallen so low that you truly yearn for death."

"What does that mean? Please – I remember being thrown in prison – and Sasuke – oh Sasuke left, and I don't have anyone anymore."

He furrowed his brow, watching the girl ramble and tug at her hair in panic.

"Kokoa?"

She fell quiet, slowing turning to him.

"How? How do you know my name?" She did not look away, this time taking him all in, the fire in those grey eyes and the way earthy – khaki hair fell across his face and stopped just above his shoulders, the occasional wave here and there. Her conversation with Orochimaru came to mind, and then it hit her.

"I'm Kuroki…Kuroki Akihiko."

"K – Kuro – Akihiko?" she stammered, stunned, surprised, speechless, eyes so wide they'd soon pop out of her head. "You cannot be." She shook her head, chewing on her bottom lip. He took one step.

"Kokoa –"

"My father died a long time ago. He died when I was a baby. You couldn't possibly be him."

"Kokoa listen –"

"Is this some joke? Some – some game or method those Konoha bastards are playing? I wouldn't put it past them, to do something like this to get me to talk!"

"Kuroki Kokoa," he said loudly, eyes focused, fists clenched. She fell silent immediately, watching him with still wide eyes. He possessed a certain aura, a sort of authority and power that had anyone's attention. She obeyed as a student would their sensei or a shinobi their captain.

"Sakiko and I lived a hard life," he spoke again. "And it only got worse after the clan scattered and we ended up in Konohagakure. I was worried, paranoid even. Not long after you were born, I gave you a bit of my chakra, some for strength when you grew older, and a bit so that if I was dead and you ever fell so low as to wish for death or you felt so helpless, so miserable – if you gave into despair, that I would come to you just this once. A strange jutsu, and people use it differently, but I did what I could." He finished, waiting for a response, hoping his quick explanation would convince the girl.

"You – so that means you're my…are you really him?"

"Hai. And you're my Kokoa," he said, eyes softening just a bit. Kokoa stood in place on the verge of sobbing, clawing at her heart. The strange figure turned out to be her father, and she finally understood why he seemed so familiar. Orochimaru had told her she looked just like Akihiko, the only difference being hair color. Though she had that single photograph of Akihiko and Sakiko holding their newborn child, it was only a photo, not an image she could clearly remember, especially at a time like this. Then and there, she saw part of herself in him.

"Just what happened to you, Kokoa?" he whispered.

"This nightmare turned reality. A sort of hellish existence." She met his gaze, her own eyes dark with bitterness, contempt, despair. "I've been so empty. I've been so hollow, so cold, so dead for so long."

"Who?" he said. "What happened?" The words slipped from his lips, volatile, hatred towards whoever caused her suffering.

"Before that…How? How are you here? Why? And why now?"

"I said your despair and desire to end your life triggered the jutsu. The lowest moment in your life."

"But I – where were you back then? Naka no Kawa. When I almost threw myself into the river?" She shut her eyes at the memory, pushing away warm tears.

"You almost did? You didn't really want to die then, did you?" he said. "Was it impulse? Something that sounded nice, but deep in your heart you wanted to live?"

"Maybe," she whispered. "I just keep losing everything. I can't hold onto anything. I don't even know who I am. All I know is this loneliness, this bitter solitude." The tears had stopped.

"Where is Sakiko in all this? Kokoa. Where is your mother?"

"Dead. She's been dead."

"Dead? How? When? Were you there?" She noticed him break just a bit, worry evident in his voice and eyes.

"I don't know. I was a baby. I never knew her," she said. He eyed her, not doubting her answer, only thinking things over, flabbergasted.

"When you were a baby? Not long after me?"

"All I know is that she killed herself out of grief after you died. That she took her own life because she couldn't handle losing you. She committed suicide and left me all alone!"

"Kokoa," he snapped, voice sharp, strict. "Sakiko did not kill herself."

"But – but they told me –"

"I don't care about what anyone told you. Sakiko did not kill herself," he repeated.

"How would you know!? You died before her. How could you possibly know what happened to my mother –"

"Sakiko did not kill herself."

"If – if my mother didn't kill herself, what does that mean?" Kokoa choked. "What are you saying? You know? You could see while in me?"

"No. I could not watch the world through your eyes Kokoa. I am dead and have been. Your despair trigged my chakra and brought me here briefly."

"So then?" She stood, waiting for the answer, for something.

"Sakiko was strong in body, mind, and spirit. A lot stronger than I was in many ways. She was proud to be a Kuroki, and she was thrilled to be having a baby. I loved her and she loved me, but Sakiko would not have thrown her life away over my death. I'm sure she grieved. I'm sure felt alone and afraid. The clan was never truly a clan. She and I belonged to each other, were always there for one another. She might have suffered a lot of pain, but she would not foolishly take her own life or abandon our newborn baby.

We struggled to find a home. We struggled to adapt to life in Konohagakure. We struggled in every aspect of our lives, but we never gave up. She never gave up. She wanted to give you a home and a family, something she and I had lost time and time again because of war and strife. She vowed to always love you and protect you even before you were born, as did I. Sakiko was a shinobi. She was also a fighter, a warrior. She never backed down. She would not have killed herself. She would not have abandoned you."

"B – but…" She dropped her head and shoulders, shaking slightly. That was the first time hearing about Sakiko, the first time the girl had ever learned anything about her mother. It hurt. Her heart did.

"Kokoa, listen," he said. She straightened a bit, pushing tattered hair out of her face. "What do you know? What does Konohagakure have you believing about our deaths?"

"Kuroki Akihiko was killed in action, and his wife Sakiko killed herself out of grief. Akihiko was not honored on the stone or anywhere because he was not originally from Konoha, because he made others uneasy and distrustful, and Sakiko was not honored because it was suicide."

"Those bastards," he snarled. She blinked in surprise. "Konohagakure is still the same, huh? The same bully, the same oppressor it seems. Tell me, my dear Kokoa, is that old rat Shimura Danzo still having things go his way?"

"Danzo? He – yes. Yes, he's still there."

"Kokoa, I will tell you what I believe happened, and then you will tell me what happened to you."

"Hai." She nodded, walking over to him. It was strange, standing beside him, looking at him. Just as Kokoa entered the white world the way she left the physical, Akihiko stood as he was just before his death; a strong, young man with grievous eyes, venom laced words slipping his lips. Remove the hostility and in her father Kokoa saw much of Itachi. Her chest ached at the thought, at the resemblance, at the memories. He noticed.

"I've heard more than once that people feared you, that Konoha hated you for your abilities. No one wanted to be around you. No one trusted you. They said you made them uneasy and you were difficult to speak with. Someone even said you were slow, but…I don't see that."

"Kuroki have a strange kekkei genkai; a bloodline limit that manifests in early adulthood. It's not fully understood. Even I cannot tell you how it works, only that the power differs amongst each Kuroki and that signs or symptoms of its development include severe headaches and body aches. It makes you sick, and you also feel that way after using it too much. I learned to control my power at a slightly younger age, and what I was capable of made others fear me. I could read minds, but not like some basic jutsu. No. This was more powerful, more precise, more detailed, and I could never fully turn it off – or at least I never figured out how to. When you know the thoughts of your enemies, it's easy to stop them before they strike. It's easy to take them down before they move. I know if they are lying. I know. And because I knew, everyone came to know Kuroki Akihiko, especially after I became in charge of the clan. You could say I was famous, and while that scared away opponents in battle, it came back to bite me when the clan fell apart and Sakiko and I wanted to start over in Konohagakure. I had a reputation. No one wanted anything to do with me, with Kuroki who possessed such absurd and terrifying power. Let's just say I did not have many friends in Konohagakure.

Often times, because I could never fully "deactivate" my ability, when speaking with others I'd hear their thoughts, all these terrible voices jumbled in my head, mixing with the real ones. That's probably why I came across as slow, like you said, or dense. It was hard for me to communicate with others normally. It always has been, even amongst my own clan. Sakiko was one of the only ones who was patient enough, who accepted it.

Every village has its secrets, a dark side no one is supposed to see, but if you make a wrong move you'll witness first hand that darkness. I was not from Konohagakure. I was a clan leader. I possessed a powerful kekkei genkai. I was Akihiko of  _the_  Kuroki. For that, I was murdered."

"What –"

"And to keep her quiet and in place, I believe they threatened your mother with your life, and not long after, Sakiko too was murdered."

Kokoa stood, arms hanging at her sides with parted lips.

"What I remember last…I was on a mission. Though Konohagakure kept an eye on me at all times, they did assign me a mission from time to time. Why not use him, right? So I was out with a strange team of jonin and a few ANBU. It was a larger operation, so I assumed it was normal. Despite living there for a while, I was not too familiar with just how teams were set up. I was foolish. I knew they were watching me even on the mission. I was surrounded by top shinobi after all, but I never thought…"

"What? What is it?" she said suddenly, tugging at his sleeve.

"I let my guard down. We were resting. I was packing my things. Everyone was quiet and calm. I let my guard down for one second, and before I knew it I had been stabbed in the back, figuratively and literally. It happened quickly, was executed swiftly. I didn't last long; however, looking back at it now…that team was strange, wasn't it? They must have made it seem like an ambush, but it wasn't because I was the only one hit, and no one jumped up to fight. I remember their faces; cold eyes watching me die like some spectacle, savages, but there's one face I have not yet forgotten, and funny enough, he was wearing a mask…he was ANBU but…he was different, held a certain darkness, and I could not read his thoughts, not before or after the attack. He was trained, or using some sort of trick to keep quiet. He was the one in charge, the one who murdered me when all I was doing was working like a dog for Konohagakure. He is the one who stabbed me in the back and took everything."

"Root," she said. "It must have been Danzo's Root. They're different than other ANBU. I can tell by how you described him. Danzo hated you and acted on that hatred."

"His sick way of protecting Konohagakure. If the village wasn't so corrupt, perhaps it wouldn't need so much protecting. I wouldn't be surprised if he really was the one running the show. He had his shinobi track and taunt me. He was just waiting for the moment. I was stupid. I was stupid and blind –"

"When Danzo and the Hokage want something they don’t stop until they get it. It is not your fault! Konoha is at fault! Not you, not me," she snarled in the end with a flicker in her eye.

"Out of fear, and out of hatred, greed, and the inability to understand one another, Konohagakure took your parents from you, Kokoa. You were stripped of any love and protection, left to grow alone and empty, hollow as you said before. Konohagakure severed our ties, took everything from you. And while that loneliness and heartache you experienced as a child is evident in your eyes as I look at you now, there is still something else, my Kokoa. Something else haunting you." He gently cupped her face, his expression softening when she leaned into his touch. "What happened? What did they do? Who? Who hurt you?"

"It isn't just one person," she said, eyes glued to her feet. "It's…complicated."

"Tell me. Who is causing you heartache? Who has hurt my daughter?"  
"It's long – it's a long story."

"Kokoa –"

"It's too much." She shook her head, avoiding his eyes.

"Kokoa." He reached out to push the messy hair behind her ears. He smiled a smile so kind, so gentle, so reminiscent of Itachi's it nearly had her in tears. He took her by the chin, making her face him.

"Go on, Kokoa. I've told you my side. Tell me what's going on."

"Fine," she sighed, rubbing her face. She glanced away again, wondering how to start, what to say. Everything. He was the only one willing to listen to it all, the only one who cared enough. Akihiko wanted to know who hurt his precious daughter, and Kokoa was going to tell him. So she started from the beginning, the very beginning.  



	47. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yosh. So this is the last part of Kokoa's backstory/clan history thing. I just needed to give her a place to come from, a story for her parents and all. It's a longer chapter, woohoo. Some things are explained, and we finally get a glimpse of Itachi. He's on the move, so there will be more of him in chapters to come.
> 
> As always, thank you! I was thinking of doing the time skip to Shippuden soon, now that Sasuke is gone and everyone is off doing their own thing. Of course I will transition into it, meaning there will be a few more chapters during this time that will lead into Shippuden. Chapter 50 should be the last one before the skip. Arigato! ^^

 

Akihiko wanted to know who hurt his precious daughter, and Kokoa was going to tell him. So she started from the beginning, the very beginning; her lonely childhood and the empty house she returned to each day. She told him it was hard and sometimes exhausting. How she envied the other children and their families. How she couldn't be proud of her parents because no one told her who they were or what happened to them.

She told Akihiko how she forced herself to move forward and enroll at the academy because she wanted to be strong. She wanted to be strong, and useful, and well-known. She wanted to be a somebody instead of the nobody who sat invisibly in class.

She told Akihiko how it all changed when the instructor assigned a project where she was too shy to pick a group or partner and found herself confronted and paired up with the one person who would forever change her life.

She told Akihiko about Uchiha Itachi, about the kind boy with the gentle smile and troubled eyes; the pride of the Uchiha; her best friend. Itachi helped her grow and move on in ways she could not have on her own. He pushed and challenged her, praised her, mentored her, laughed with her, and along with his beloved little brother gave her a family, people to return to.

She told Akihiko how at a certain age, though she had held feelings for Itachi much earlier, the two grew closer in ways friends did not. How something blossomed between them, affection, trust, kindness that neither had experienced before. And before she knew it, Kokoa had fallen in love with the boy. And though she felt too afraid to let him know, she had decided he was the one she wanted to be with, to stand by and love, always. He had given her more than anyone ever had, understood her in ways no one ever cared to, made her feel like she never thought was possible. He became her world, and she lived for him.

She told Akihiko how hard the relationship was. They had to keep it a secret from most Uchiha, especially Fugaku. How they had to sneak around at times or go days without seeing each other. Of course it was worth it, and Itachi put in just as much effort as she did. She trusted him. She trusted him and thought he knew what was best, but things started to change. He acted out and oddly, even worrying his brother and best friend. She had been warned about the history and conflict of old clans like the Uchiha, and she began to fear her Itachi had become caught up in something she could not understand.

She told Akihiko that despite Itachi's behavior and outbursts that they tried to make it work, and amidst the chaos they still shared the fondest of moments. But it all began to crumble after a certain letter, after a certain encounter one evening where he told her he was forced to choose between her and the clan, using Fugaku's disapproval of her as a non-Uchiha for an excuse. How when it came down to it, he turned his back. The moment he said their dreams would not come true, that she could not stand beside him, that they would never watch the sunset.

She told Akihiko about the horror that followed, the tragedy that forever changed the way anyone looked at her or spoke her name. She told him about the massacre. That everyone was killed. How she found Sasuke crying in his empty home where Itachi had slain their parents. She told him how she decided to take Sasuke in without question because she loved the child and wanted to honor the promise she made to Itachi.

She told Akihiko how Konoha turned her into a criminal, suspecting she may have been involved. How they labeled and abused her, sent shinobi to watch her always. They threw her in a cage because of what Itachi did. It took a toll on her, and in turn affected Sasuke as well. She told him how they struggled to be happy and together but he gave into darkness, and now he had left. He was gone.

And lastly, she told Akihiko that despite all that happened and all he did, she still loved Uchiha Itachi with all her heart. That no matter what happened in the future, she would always love him. She could never stop. She did not want to.

"Uchiha Itachi…Fugaku's son, huh?" he said.

"You knew Fugaku?" Kokoa blinked in surprise.

"You could say so," he said, lowering himself to sit down. Kokoa followed. "Fugaku was at the head of the Uchiha, the one running the show. I don't know how much you know, but Konohagakure also suspected the Uchiha. There has always been conflict and struggle within the clan. They were pushed to the outskirts, given the measly title of police to shut them up. And even though they obeyed most of the time, Konohagakure still kept an eye on them.

I was a Kuroki, a dangerous outsider. And Fugaku was at the head of the Uchiha. If I associated with him, it would have caused the Uchiha more trouble, and if he associated with me, the village would have been even stricter with me. He was a good man who cared for his people, and I'm sure he and I had a few things in common, but to help each other and avoid problems, we kept our distance."

"I see. He was strict and came off as cold, but I knew he wasn't evil. He was just intimidating. I was convinced he hated me because I was just some silly girl and a non-Uchiha who hung around his sons too much," she sighed.

"Well if he didn't know about your relationship with Itachi…I think Fugaku's behavior towards you was not to hurt you, but to ward off suspicion instead. You are my daughter after all, and I'm sure they were still watching the Uchiha clan even after I died. He was being cautious is all. At least, that's what I think. He wasn't cruel or unreasonable."

"It makes sense now that I know more." She gazed off to the side, chewing on her lips. He watched her with hooded eyes, saddened to see her like that.

"So you still love the boy?"

"Hm?" She glanced up. "Oh – uh – " She rubbed her arm, shrugging her shoulders with a defeated expression. "I know, you're probably disappointed your daughter is wasting her life chasing after someone who doesn't care anymore."

"Oh?"

"How stupid must I be? How insane, to still love a man who did what he did…but no matter how hard I tried moving on, how hard I tried convincing myself, no matter what I did, I couldn't shake the feelings. I couldn't forget the time we shared together." She met his eyes, tears slipping from her own. She held her chest.

"He gave me so much. So, so much." She took a minute to calm down before flashing Akihiko a look. He furrowed his brow questioningly. "Why?"

"Oh?" He crossed his arms.

"Why aren't you saying anything? Why aren't you angry? You made it seem as though you were going to kill whoever did this to me. Why aren't you insulting him? Threatening him? He killed everyone and fled the village. Left me behind to become Konoha's target. Tortured Sasuke! Why?"

"There must be a reason why you still love the Uchiha."

"Hu –" She nearly choked.

"You're not dumb, Kokoa. You are my daughter after all," he said with a grin that left her confused more than anything. "You still bearing feelings for him…there has to be some reason."

"I..." She stared at her hands. "I don't think it happened the way I was told."

"What do you mean?"

"Itachi did kill his clan, but there has to be more to the story. He said it was to test his abilities and that there was nothing left for him in Konoha, but in all the years I've known him, he never once spoke like that, ever. Nothing ever slipped. It just sounds like a load of crap to me. And the fact Konoha was so quick to jump on my case and point the finger, the fact Itachi didn't kill me when we met even though he had the kunai against my throat, the fact he would let Sasuke grow older and stronger so they could one day fight…there's just so much going on. I refuse to believe he did it just to test himself. There has to be more."

"There it is."

"That's why I've been so obsessed with finding him. I need to hear it from his own mouth. I need his truth. Konoha lied to me about you and Mother. They could have lied to me about Itachi for all I know. Something doesn't feel right. The night he broke it off with me…the last time I saw him there was something in his eyes. And when we met in the forest years later, he was hesitant to kill me. And it's not in my head like people keep telling me. It's real! Itachi is real! The things I saw and felt are real, and he's out there right now. I have to hear his truth. It's the only way I'll ever get peace. He owes me. He owes me everything. And I…I just really want to see him again."

She fiddled with the bottom of her shirt, waiting for her father to say something. When he didn't, she shook her head with a sigh.

"You aren't upset with me? Embarrassed? Disappointed?"

"No, Kokoa. I am not."

"Why?" She nearly laughed. What was he thinking?

"Because I would have done the same for Sakiko," he said firmly, making her purse her lips and stare on in disbelief. "Sakiko was my world. She was my rock. She was loving and kind, but also patient, intelligent, and understanding. She gave me courage when I lacked it, and strength when I felt weak. I said before, she was stronger than I was. If something happened to her suddenly, if she left, or disappeared, or got into some sort of trouble, I wouldn't rest until I knew the whole story, until I heard it from her own mouth, until I was with her again."

"But –"

"I loved her as much as you love Itachi. Seeing you so miserable and hurting, it's upsetting, Kokoa. If I could take your pain away and make it better, I would, but I can't be there for you. I am dead. You have to live on and decide what you want, and if Itachi is what you need, then go after him. I would have gone after Sakiko. I won't lie. I would have thrown it all away if it meant being with her again, if it meant seeing her, saving her.

You're right, the thought of my precious daughter abandoning everything for a man who ruined her isn't very comforting, but because you are my daughter, I trust you. And because you are my daughter I want you to do what will make you happy. If Uchiha Itachi makes you happy, you shouldn't let anyone get in the way. And you say Konohagakure is no longer a home but a hell. In that case, you have nothing to lose, especially now that Sasuke is gone. If you have no family, no Sasuke, and no village binding you, you should go after Itachi. Even if things don't work out, you deserve a chance, and you deserve your peace."

"But –"

"And all Konohagakure ever did was harass and torment Sakiko and I. All they ever did was put us in a cage, watch us like animals and treat us just as bad. They made others hate us because of our Kuroki name. This village tore us apart. They took your parents from you, Kokoa. They took your freedom. For all you know, they might have even taken your Itachi." He shook the hair from his eyes. Kokoa swallowed hard. Was there really more to Itachi's story? And if so, did Konoha know?

"So it's ok?" she whispered.

"You do things for those you love, Kokoa. Like I said, I would have done the same. I can't lecture you when I'd be just as desperate for answers. If it's what you want, then yes, of course it's ok. And no matter what you decide to do, Kokoa, I will always love you. I loved you the second Sakiko told me she was pregnant. I loved you with all my heart, and I only wanted to protect you. I can't do that anymore, but I'll give you my approval if that's what you seek right now. Yes, go after him. Live your life, my Kokoa. Don't let anyone dictate how you live. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for loving him."

He stiffened when the girl fell forward, wrapping her arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Kokoa?"

"All anyone ever did since the day he left was tell me how wrong I was for ever loving him. I was a monster and a traitor for loving him. Hearing you now – telling me it's ok – I've never had that. No one's ever understood. No one's ever cared to listen." She bit her bottom lip, crying quietly against him. Akihiko pulled her close, resting his head atop hers as he gently combed through her messy hair.

"You know, I only got to hold you a few times. You're a lot bigger now," he said with a smirk. She laughed softly through the tears. "This world…love and hatred. It's an endless cycle, especially for shinobi. Things will only get harder from here, Kokoa. I need to talk to you about one last thing before I go."

"What is it?" She pulled away, rubbing red eyes.

"Whether you decide to go after Itachi or not, you have to leave Konohagakure."

"Huh?" Her eyes widened. "What do you mean? Why?"

"They hate you, Kokoa. They always have. And you said this is not the first time they've taken you into custody. They will only tolerate so much," he warned. "If you slip again or give them any reason to suspect anything, they will jump on the opportunity, and they won't waste time locking you up. Next time they may kill you. Danzo might end you before you become troublesome like I was. You have to leave. I know Konohagakure is all you've ever known, and I know the thought of starting over is terrifying, but Sasuke is gone. This is your chance to finally live for yourself, Kokoa. You must be cautious, and you must take action before Danzo and the elders do."

"Tell me," she said, meeting his eyes with determination. "What must I do?"

"Leave as soon as you're released from prison, but you do it gracefully. You request a transfer from the Hokage. You say she's a friend of the Kyuubi's host, right? The boy you've become close to? And Hatake Kakashi? They can vouch for you, help you plead your case. Request a transfer and get out of the village."

"Where do I go? All the villages know my name. They know I was with Itachi. I'm a suspect everywhere. And you tell me the Kuroki were known too. Where would I go?"

"Sunagakure."

"Suna?" she said with a tilt of her head. "Of all places? Why?"

"You could say the Kuroki were nomads. We never had a home. We were always on the move. There was a time where we settled for a bit near Sunagakure. In exchange for land and resources, the Kazekage used our abilities, hiring us for missions every once in a while. We kept up our end of the deal as did Sunagakure. They have had their fair share of trials, and are different than the "perfect" Konohagakure. Request a transfer. When they hear your name, they'll know. And when they see you, they'll know you're my daughter. You might be able to be an active shinobi, or perhaps they'll keep you in the village. You might still be monitored, but nothing like what you're dealing with now."

"Suna…"

"You'll have the chance to start over and find yourself. You'll be at peace. You'll be safe. You'll have time to think, and plan, and grow as a person and shinobi. If you stay in Konohagakure, you will die young just like I did."

"Ok. Ok, I understand. It's like you said, there's nothing left for me anymore. If Suna can give me a chance to really figure out my life, then I'll go." She nodded in agreement.

"Good. But before you go, there's one thing you have to do."

"What is it?"

"Clans often have documents, books, or some sort of record of their history and abilities. We travelled a lot, so ours was small. There's this document with information about the Kuroki and our kekkei genkai. I inherited it when I inherited leadership of the clan. No one can read it, because it takes our chakra to reveal what's in it, but I've heard there are certain jutsu out there that might be able to unlock certain parts of it, and I know certain eyes might be able to see, like the sharingan.

When I came to Konoha I at first kept it on me, but as they tightened security around me, I knew I had to hide it. If anything happened to me, I had to make sure it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands. Danzo's for example. So one day I hid it deep within the library, deep in the restricted section so not just anyone could happen across it. It was the only choice I had. I had to protect it. You have to find our document before you go. It belongs to you now, Kokoa. Find it and keep it safe."

"Where do I even begin? The library is massive, and it'll be hard scanning the shelves without someone suspecting something."

"Take on an information type mission within the village. Research something, anything. Think of any excuse. You have to find it. I sealed with a sort of chakra barrier, my own chakra, which would make it difficult but not impossible for someone to get through. You're familiar with my chakra now. That means you can follow that trail. Sniff it out that way."

"Your chakra? Right, right, of course."

"And if it's not in the library it means someone has it. Find it."

"Hai."

"And then leave."

"Hai."

"And when you leave make sure you do it proudly. The Kuroki faced a lot of trouble, but we never forgot who we were. You are my daughter. Don't let them forget it."

"Hai."

"You are strong. Don't you ever let Konohagakure stop you from achieving your goal. Never back down. Even if they throw you in prison another hundred times, don't you ever let them break you. They preach about peace when they are the ones causing wars." His voice rose with each word.

"They oppress those who they fear. They ostracize those they do not understand. They harassed the Uchiha, Fugaku and his family included. And they made our life hell. They made your life hell. Don't you ever let them forget it. You are Kuroki Kokoa. Grow older and stronger so that one day everyone comes to fear that name just as they did mine."

She stared on, awestruck by his speech. He truly was a leader; dominant, powerful, intelligent, aggressive.

"I already suspect your ability will be beat my own. I've had the feeling since the day you were born."

"What do you mean?" She found herself pushing for more answers every time he spoke.

"The clan document talks about our abilities. I said before that it's different in everyone. I could read minds while others could not. The common denominator is that all Kuroki abilities are ways of reading the enemy, whether it be their thoughts, intentions, how they move; reading people in ways that normal jutsu cannot. It's hard to explain, but I think you understand."

"I do, I do."

"By what you've told me, the way you behave, your feelings and beliefs, Kokoa I think you have a power stronger than my own. I could read minds, but someone who was skilled enough could control their thoughts, manipulate them into lies, and other times people could be under some control jutsu to keep them quiet. It was rare for anyone to counter my ability, but as awesome as reading a person's thoughts is, there is something even greater. And that, my Kokoa, is the ability to read one's heart."

"Their heart?" She sat up, all attention on Akihiko.

"A person cannot deny what's in their heart. No matter how skilled or powerful, no one is able to control their heart. The heart bears all feelings, all intentions. You often hear people struggling with their mind and heart. The heart cannot be altered. It is a person's core. It is…well it's their truth."

"Truth…"

"There was talk of a Kuroki possessing that ability a long time ago. It hadn't been seen or heard of since. When you were born, when I first saw you, there was something…something different. It was the look in your eyes, and Sakiko saw it too. We weren't sure what it meant or if we were just being foolish new parents. We hadn't picked a name out yet, but the moment I saw you…love. Love of the heart. Kokoa." He tapped over his own heart.

"I could have been out of mind, too excited over your birth, confused because of my head, but I just had the feeling you were different. I knew you were special. And now I think I was right. I think you have the ability to read people's hearts, which is why you've always been so kind and compassionate, why you've experienced such overwhelming empathy, and why you're so convinced you saw something in Uchiha Itachi the night before he left. Why you believe he's still the same boy you fell in love with."

"All I've ever wanted was to hear his side. When I was around him in the forest, there was this feeling, this tension in the air, and I felt it even more when he didn't kill me. I felt his hesitation. I was begging him to kill me. I was right there and ready, but he didn't because there was something. Do you think that's it? Do you think I was seeing through him? Reading him?"

"Perhaps."

"When people look at me, it's a strange feeling too. I see the fear and disgust in their eyes, but then I feel this sadness because they're acting towards me the way Konoha wants them to. Am I feeling their struggle?" She stared at her hands, going over numerous scenarios where things didn't feel quite right.

"You will have to find the document and read it. You will also have to explore your own mind and heart. I don't think your power will fully blossom until you've made peace with yourself. Starting over in Sunagakure will give you that peace. And then you can grow and do what it is you must do. I know whatever you decide will be the best for you, and in the end that's all I ever wanted, Kokoa."

"Arigato, Otousan. Thank you for giving me this – this moment. I never could have imagined – I never thought I'd ever get something like this. For the longest time I was convinced no one loved me. I just wanted to be happy, to love and be loved, but now I know that I was loved. Kaasan loved me. You loved me all this time. And I love you. I love you more than I thought was possible. Like Itachi-san, you have given me something I can never forget. Something no one can ever take from me, and I am so very thankful."

"Mmm," he hummed softly with a smile.

"You would have been the best father. No, you are the best father. Everything you've done in your life was for the clan, for my mother, and for me. You are an honorable man. I'm proud to be your daughter. I'm glad to have gotten to know you, Kuroki Akihiko," she grinned.

" _The_  Kuroki Akihiko. Remember it." He ruffled her hair.

"You remind me a lot of Itachi-san."

"Is that what you saw when you first looked at me?"

"Hai. I see him sometimes…in dreams and shadows. But just the way you carry yourself. Itachi-san was quiet like you, and when he was serious he had dangerous eyes, like you. I think what I saw most was that you both were so filled with love even though you tried to hide it from others."

"Oh?"  
"You're intimidating, but I know you loved my mother more than anything. And Itachi-san had to keep up a cool and detached front, but he loved his precious brother so much I couldn't even believe it sometimes."

"Sometimes we meet people in our lives that truly change us for the better. It may be selfish, but if possible, never let them go, because they have seen all of you."

"I never really let him go," she said. "I told him I'd always be there for him. What kind of person would I be if I went back on my word?"

"I thought because you looked just like me that you'd act more like Sakiko, but I don't think that's the case."

"Huh?"

"You are just like me. Make sure you don't get into more trouble, ok?" He nudged her playfully.

"No promises," she grinned.

"So you know what you have to do now."

"Hai. You've helped me sort everything out. I'm…I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. I'll fight for it, and I'll make you and our clan proud. If I really am one of the last or the last Kuroki, I'll do all that I can."

"Yosh. It seems the jutsu hasn't worn off yet," he stated, glancing around their white surroundings.

"No more sad talk. I've been sad all these years. Tell me."

"Tell you what?" He peered at her from the corners of his eyes.

"About you and Kaasan. Tell me about your life together. I want to hear your story, Otousan."

They sat together, a father and daughter, chatting about Akihiko's past and the future he wanted to build. She found it easy to speak to him, easy to open up to. She held nothing back. Eventually the jutsu began to wear off. Akihiko began to fade, and the white world crumbled around them. She held his hand firmly, eyes locked with his.

Kokoa did not cry or throw a fit. She did not fall to her knees in hysteria as she might have in the past. No. This time she stood tall and with a smile. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. She knew it wouldn't last. She knew from the beginning and forced herself to accept that Akihiko would leave soon, that he could not stay, that he was dead; however, despite that unfortunate fact, she felt blessed, honored, loved to have had that moment, to have met the man the world feared, the man who had loved her all her life.

"I'm fine. I knew it wouldn't last," she told him, tightening her hand around his. "It sucks, and it'll take me a second to process this, to get over it, but I know you can't stay."

"You know if I could…you know I would be there for you, Kokoa."

"I know that now. I know." She nodded, shaking away tears. "Like I said, you've given me something no one else has, something no one can ever take away from me. You've given me peace, love, and truth. All that you've said and done for our clan, for my mother, and for me, I will carry it into the future. I promise. I am your daughter, and they will know that. And I will not let them forget Kuroki Akihiko."

"Now I see it," he said, taking her other hand in his.

"What? See what?"

"Sakiko's determination in you." He pulled her close for a quick hug. "I wish you a long and happy life, my dear Kokoa." He pulled away, enough to see her trickling tears. He brushed them aside.

"That Uchiha Itachi better realize all that you're doing, or else we'll have a problem," he smirked. She laughed softly. "Often, the key to a good life is to have no regrets."

"Hai." She nodded in agreement, but paused suddenly when Akihiko bent down to kiss the top of her head.

"This is it, I believe." He embraced her once more. Kokoa clung desperately to her father, face buried in his chest, eyes shut tight, fisting his shirt, biting her lip so hard she nearly broke skin. He moved close to her ear, pinning back wild hair.

"Sayonara, Kokoa."

 

She jolted, eyes wide, stunned to find herself in the all too familiar darkness of her prison cell. In a quick second, the brief encounter with Akihiko flashed before her eyes. She fell over, trembling on all fours, her head hanging low just above the cold ground as tears threatened. Kokoa forced herself to sit back up, resting against the wall with her legs sprawled out before her.

It was neither the place nor time for mourning Akihiko, for tears and anguish. She knew she would break soon. She knew she would need a moment to process all that had happened, a moment to remember her father along with his last words, his last smile, but not there in that prison cell. What she would remember now was her promise to Akihiko; that she would be strong. That she would survive and fight for what she believed in, and that no matter what the village decided, she would never let them forget she was Kuroki Akihiko's daughter.

The door slid open. She raised an arm, shielding her tired eyes from the sudden light. And in he stepped, slow steps, arrogant steps, making his way towards her. Zaji paused, a smirk hidden behind his mask, gaze fixed on the battered girl. It satisfied him, seeing her so defeated, so helpless, so broken. The list continued in his head, but the Root member eyed her when she began to stand on shaky legs.

Kokoa placed a hand on the wall for support at first, but soon enough stood on her own across from Zaji with clenched fists and a grin all for him. He furrowed his brow, thankful in that moment for his mask hiding the sheer shock in his face. Right then and there he saw something, a look in Kokoa's eyes that he had seen before but never in her; the same hatred, hostility, and hunger he had seen in Akihiko.

 

Rain. Heavy, violent rain. Not that it mattered. He had made his choice and received permission just this once. He put on his shoes, and as he neared the exit, gracefully slid into his crimson clouded cloak, collar up.

"Packed and ready to go all on your own? Just what exactly are you planning, Itachi-san?" Kisame hovered in the dark, watching his partner.

"I'm going to Konoha."


	48. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 47 was the last chapter I posted before Quizilla shut down, meaning this is the first chapter that's new to everyone! I'm so glad I'm done importing the story and I'm able to post newly written material. These last three chapters, 48-50 will end the current time period. 51 will be Shippuden at last. I'm excited for that. And as always, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for more, and follow the Facebook page for updates!

Kokoa paused before the door, hand resting on the knob. She expected to be locked away far longer than she had been. Like Zaji said, running after her lover was one thing, but hunting down Orochimaru was another. Fortunately for her, Jiraiya had heard what happened and managed to help the girl out before leaving for personal business. Kakashi also played a role in her release. They still watched her of course, Zaji leading the show, but she knew. Kokoa knew she had surprised him. She had faced him for the first time, and he realized she was not the same naïve girl anymore. He saw the familiar face. He saw Akihiko in her and put up his guard.

 

She unlocked the door and stepped into the dark apartment with a deep sigh. No lights. No sound. No smell of food or dirty dishes piled up. No ninja gear lying around. No Sasuke. No home.

"He really did leave." She slid out of her shoes. Kokoa felt it. She felt the emotions, the buildup, the barrier in her begin to break. Orochimaru had denied her request. Sasuke had left. Akihiko was murdered. But before she fell to her knees and broke open, before she crumbled and all heartache and tears gushed like a river, she walked over to the shelf, plucking the folder, slipping out the picture, a single tear landing on her beloved Itachi.

"My father left. You left. Sasuke left. I think, Itachi-san, it's time I left." She brushed aside the tear, gazing down at their smiles with half lidded eyes. "I never believed in myself. I never thought I was strong, but you told me otherwise. You said I could become someone great, and now…I am someone. I'm a Kuroki, my father's daughter. You and Akihiko have helped me. I will become that great someone you said I'd be. And I will find you."

 

"Sasuke –"

"Kokoa-chan!" He ran up to her with a wide smile. "I missed you, Kokoa-chan."

"Missed you too, Sasuke." She messed his hair. "I'm in a hurry though. Could you do me a favor?"

"Mmm, depends," he said with a shrug.

"Eh?" She eyed him. "I need your help. There was an emergency mission, so they had to whip up a team real fast. Most of the others are busy, so they've sent out Itachi-san, Shisui-san, and I."

"Oh wow! Why?"

"We've worked together before, so there won't be problems. We'll do for a last minute team, you know. But I need help. I can't find your brother. He's not training, or at the lake, or the dango stands."

"Mmm, Ni-san is hard to find."

"Do you know where he is? Shisui was near Hokage-sama's building, so he's waiting for us near the front gate. I just need Itachi-san."

"Sorry, Kokoa. I don't know where he is." He started off.  

"Oi, Sasuke, you have to have some idea. He's your brother! He's been busy these last few days, so I haven't seen him much." She rubbed her arm as she spoke.

"You miss him," he stated. She glanced away shyly.

"S – sure – of course I do, but that's not the point. The point is that I need him for this mission, so please tell me where he is. I'll buy you candy! I'll teach you a new jutsu!"

"You can't always bribe me, you know." He crossed his arms.

"Sasuke…" She rubbed her face with a sigh. "Listen to me you little punk." She crouched to his level, blue eyes staring into onyx. Before he could react, she had scooped him off his feet.

"Ko – ko – aaaa!"

"Where is your brother? We're on a schedule. This is not the time to be selfish, Sasuke."

"You're so weird. That's why you two like each other. You're as weird as Ni-san," he sobbed, struggling to break free.

"What am I looking at?" The two froze, turning their heads to see Itachi.

"She's bullying me, Ni-san!"

"I highly doubt that, Sasuke."

"He was home the whole time? Sasuke, you little –"

"Why are you here, Kokoa?" he inquired.

"Hu? Oh, the Hokage needed a last minute team. He knows we've worked well together before, so it's me, you, and Shisui," she said with a smile, dropping Sasuke to his butt. He rolled over, rubbing his sore bottom.

"A mission? Now? I had no idea."

"I was trying to find you, but a certain someone wouldn't tell me where his big brother was," she said, softly kicking Sasuke.

"He's just jealous I get to go on cool adventures with you and he's stuck at home with our parents."

"I am not jealous, Ni-san!"

"If you say so, Sasuke. Is Shisui ready?" He turned to Kokoa.        

"And waiting for us by the gate. We have to hurry."

"You go on ahead. I'll grab my things and meet you there."

"Sounds good. Make sure a certain boy doesn't hold you back." She nudged Sasuke one last time.

"You're mean, Kokoa-chan," he pouted.

"She's just doing her job, Sasuke," Itachi said, crouching down. Stuffing both hands under Sasuke's arms, he hoisted the boy up and to his feet. "If we don't do our jobs, then things fall out of order. It's up to us to get these missions done and to protect the village." He brushed the dirt from his tiny shoulders.

"I know," he sighed. "I just don't want you to go. The both of you."

"We'll be back soon," Kokoa said. "It should be an easy mission. We're not just going to leave you, especially not your big brother! And when we do come back, we can all go to lunch! Food and snacks, and maybe Shisui can come too if he's not too busy. How does that sound? You like that, Sasuke?"

"Mhm!"

"Good. I'm glad." Itachi set a hand on his head.

"So the gate? See you there, Itachi-san?"

"Ah. Don't worry."

"Sayonara, Sasuke! Behave, and don't fight with that blond kid!"

"No promises!" he called out after her.

 

Kokoa noticed something as she neared the front gate, something uncomfortable beneath her foot. Crouching to investigate, she laughed at the pebble caught in her sandal, flicking it off to the side. She stepped back in surprise upon standing, finding an old man before her, a man with bandages and cold eyes.

"Kuroki Kokoa," Danzo spoke, voice as cold as his gaze.

"H – Hai."

"So Sarutobi has assigned you a mission?"

"Hai. Last minute."

"With two Uchiha?"

"Hai?" She eyed him.

"A Kuroki and Uchiha." He looked away.

"Is there…a problem?" she inquired politely. Kokoa forgot his name, but figured he was one of the elders. He held a certain presence, an authority. She glanced back over her shoulder at the sound of running, spotting Itachi rush over, and when she returned to Danzo, he had vanished. She stood quietly in place, perplexed.

"Did I keep you waiting long?" Itachi asked, finally catching up.

"Hm? Oh, you're fine, Itachi-san." She smiled warmly at him. She bent down again to adjust her shoe. Itachi scanned the area with narrowed eyes. He knew. He knew Danzo had paid her a visit.

"Let's not keep Shisui waiting. He gets impatient," he said with a soft laugh. She nodded in agreement and dashed off with him.

           

"This mission is so simple. Why did they need two Uchiha and a Kuroki?" Shisui, sighed, crossing his arms.

"You make it seem like I'm something special," Kokoa said, taking a swig of water.

"Duh." He gave her a look.

"Don't be silly." She shook her head shyly, eyeing her feet.

"Oi." Itachi poked her forehead, staring down at her in disappointment.

"Naaaani?" She glanced up, rubbing the red mark.

"What did I say about being too harsh on yourself?"

"But –"

"You're a jonin. You're a shinobi. You're strong. Stop thinking you aren't. You have no idea what you're capable of –" He fell silent, jaw clenched, deciding he would say no more on the subject. Shisui raised his brow, amused.

"I'm sorry, Itachi-san. You know I've always been self-conscious and critical," she said, rubbing her arm.

"You're strong, Kokoa. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise," Shisui said. She nodded happily. Itachi turned away, sighing deeply.

"We should keep going. Let's pack up," he said, adjusting his weapon pouch. Kokoa hopped to her feet. Shisui followed.  

 

"You really don't look good."

"I'm fine –"

"Shisui is right, Kokoa," Itachi said, walking over to her. The three sat huddled beneath a large tree.

"I'll live. I can finish the mission."

"Kokoa." He crouched down to her level, pressing a hand to her forehead. "You're warm, and you're shaking."

"Itachi-san –"

"I won't make you quit the mission, but you have to listen to me. Get some rest, as much as you can."

"Fine." She pouted.

"You sleep. Tachi and I will keep watch," Shisui said.

"And by that he means he'll pass out in a minute, and I'll keep watch," Itachi sighed.

"What he said," Shisui said with a grin. Kokoa smiled, head bobbing gently as she struggled to stay awake, her slight fever pulling her to sleep.

"Go ahead and sleep. I'll look out for you," Itachi assured her, running a hand through her hair. Obeying, Kokoa was out in minutes.

           

Itachi sat with the contents of his pouch sprawled out before him on the ground as he went over each one.

"So you noticed too?" Shisui asked, glancing over at his friend.

"Ah," Itachi sighed, drawing his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around. "I'm ANBU after all. It's hard to ignore."

"She doesn't know?"

"Why would she? They're good at their job, and she hasn't done anything for her to worry about being watched."

"Does it bother you, Itachi?"

"Of course, but there isn't much I can do."

"Why do you think they're watching her? I mean it's only the occasional shinobi watching her every once in a while, but still…Could it be related to the document I found?" He glanced over at Kokoa, relieved she was still asleep, before returning to Itachi.

"Now we know it's not just some random document. It's about the Kuroki, her clan. It belongs to her. After you showed it to me, I did some research. There isn't much, but her father was Kuroki Akihiko. All I found out was that everyone feared him, Konoha in particular."

"So they're keeping an eye on her because of her father? Or because they're afraid she'll become like him? Maybe it's because she's too involved with us Uchiha now."

"All three, probably."

"Monitoring the Uchiha and watching the Kuroki girl. Heh, Tachi, you two really are perfect for each other," Shisui chuckled sadly. "Will you tell her? About any of it?"

"She doesn't know who she is or the power hiding in her. If Konoha will hurt and harass her because of it, perhaps it's best if she doesn't know for now. She will find out in time, but right now, I'm not so sure she could handle it. I don't…I don't want her becoming like the Uchiha. I don't want her to bear ill feelings towards the village."

"It's your call, Itachi. You're the only family she has."

"That document was hidden, stuffed away out of sight and reach. No one was meant to find it, and the only reason we could read parts of it is because of the sharingan. Maybe her father hid it. Maybe it was meant for Kokoa and Kokoa alone. I'll keep it safe for her until she's ready, until she can face Konoha. I don't want it falling into the wrong hands. I'll protect it. I'll protect her."

"Things are spiraling out of control, Itachi. With our clan…"

"I know." He shut his eyes.

"Will you tell her?"

"I can't. I don't want to bring her down, to get her involved."

"She's involved whether you like it or not. By being with you, Itachi, Kokoa's life has been altered, and depending on what the Uchiha decide to do, her fate depends on yours. You are connected."

"Shisui –"

"I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true. You're her world and everyone knows it. Whatever happens to you will affect her. You say you don't want to bring her down, but you can't really walk away from her, can you? You love her too much to just suddenly let her go." Shisui drew circles in the dirt with a twig as he spoke, looking up momentarily at his friend. Itachi held his face in his hands, defeated. "Tachi…" Shisui looked on with sad eyes, glancing back at Kokoa. What was going to happen? What would Itachi do?


	49. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #49

Kokoa ran. She ran fast and hard, pushing people aside, dodging carts, all in an attempt to reach the front gates before they were gone. She gasped loudly in relief, spotting ninja clad in orange.

"Please bring Sasuke-kun home," Sakura repeated through tears. Kokoa eventually slowed to a stop, trying to catch her breath.

"Kokoa-chan?" Naruto blinked in surprise.

"Oh?" Shikamaru and the others eyed her.

"Kuroki Kokoa?" Neji crossed his arms.

"Naruto, what – what are you doing? What I heard – it can't be true. You can't do this," she said.

"What?" He furrowed his brow, confused. "I thought you'd be happy. We're going to save Sasuke from Orochimaru. I promised Sakura-chan I'd bring him back no matter what."

"That's the problem. When word reached my ear, I ran here as fast as I could. Sasuke doesn't want to be saved. He left of his own free will. Don't go after him. Don't throw your lives away –"

"Are you crazy! Orochimaru has him! Of course we're going after him. He's a Leaf shinobi. He's my friend. I have to bring him back!"

"You can't save him, Naruto. He made his choice. Please –"

"Kokoa, listen to yourself. Do you know what you're saying? This is Sasuke. Don't you care –"

"Of course I do!" she spat, surprising everyone. Naruto stepped back, for the first time shaken by the look in her eyes. "Of course I do. Sasuke was all I had left! He was my home and now he's gone! Of course I care, more than anyone, but he left. He decided revenge was more important than anything, that he needed it to move on, so he's gone off to gain power. He cannot be saved. Don't waste your time. Leave him be. I had to let him go. So should you."

"I…I can't," he said, gazing to the side. "I'm going to bring him back. I'll save him for everyone. For you."

"He can't help me anymore. Not right now. Don't do this for my sake, Naruto. Don't put yourself in harm's way for someone who does not want to be saved. Let Sasuke do what he needs to do. We've both agreed to seek out our own peace. He needs this –"

"You're crazy if you think I'll let him just walk into Orochimaru's trap. I'm bringing him back. I'm bringing Sasuke home. I made a promise." He glanced at Sakura. Kokoa's eyes narrowed, fists clenched, nostrils flared.

"If we're doing this, we really need to get going," Shikamaru said. "I don't think we'll die so easily trying to bring that jerk back," he told Kokoa. "Have a little faith."

"You could always join us," Neji suggested, curious to see Uchiha Itachi's partner in action.

"I can't. I won't. I won't get in his way. Not anymore," she said.

"That's too bad," Naruto said sadly, turning his back. He started off with the others.

"I know this is all because you care for Sasuke. I don't hate you. I just wish you'd understand. Be careful, Uzumaki Naruto. Just do me a favor and don't tell him I sent you. Don't make him think I'm the one behind this. I had to let him go. I had to let him go…" She watched him disappear with the others. If she hadn't been locked up, perhaps she would have had time to convince Naruto to stay. After her release, it seemed everything began to unwind. The pieces were moving and she couldn't keep up. Kokoa turned to Sakura with dark eyes.

"How selfish," she said, her voice dangerous. Sakura pushed away the last of her tears, staring at Kokoa with wide eyes.

"W – what?"

"How selfish, to ask that of Naruto. How selfish to send him running after someone who does not want to be saved. How selfish, making him promise to bring him back when deep in his heart Naruto isn't so sure he can."

"He's doing it for you –"

"No, Sakura. He's doing it for you. I let Sasuke go the night he visited me in my jail cell. Naruto is doing this because you begged him to. You've convinced yourself and everyone that you love Sasuke, and so because he loves you, Naruto has run off to bring him back."

"Don't you know what Sasuke-kun is doing? He needs help!"

"I don't like the idea either!" She rubbed her face. "I hate that he's left, that he's gone to that snake, but Sasuke needs this. I understand that now. If we drag him back…if we keep him from what he wants…"

"He needs to be home with his friends. He has a life here."

"I know. He was my life and I was his for the longest time." She sighed deeply, dropping her shoulders. "But if you truly loved Sasuke, if you knew him you'd understand why he's left and you wouldn't get in his way, and you wouldn't put that type of a burden on Naruto." The fire returned to her eyes. Like Naruto, Sakura stepped back. She never did understand or feel safe near the Kuroki.

"All of this has to do with Sasuke-kun's brother, right?"

"Hm?"

"Sasuke-kun left for revenge because of what his brother did. All of his problems, the reason you're always in trouble, it's because of his brother. Why are you letting him do this? Why can't you just forget him?"

"Forget him?"

"If you hadn't run off to meet Sasuke-kun's brother you wouldn't have been in jail and you could have been there for him. Sasuke-kun wouldn't have left for Orochimaru's. If you just forgot about his brother, you and Sasuke-kun could have had a normal life without all the fighting. If you just confessed and took the blame for whatever he did, none of this would have happened."

"Confessed what?" She came face to face with Sakura. "Tell me."

"Konoha says you helped his brother commit terrible crimes. Just admit it. After all that's happened, you still love his brother. You still love that monster. That can only mean that you helped. You couldn't have confessed, for Sasuke-kun's sake?"

"Oh, now I warned you last time to never speak of Itachi. You don't know him. You don't know anything, so don't you dare mention him. And I can't confess because I'm not guilty. I'm not the same girl I was a few weeks ago. I've got my shit together. I won't take this." She smirked, pushing her shoulder with a finger. "Leave Sasuke alone. Stop pretending like you understand because you don't. And don't you ever burden Naruto. Don't you ever make him promise you something he can't follow through on. And most importantly, never speak of Uchiha Itachi."

"You're out of your mind," Sakura spat, turning away from her.

"Am I?"

"You're crazy! You're – what is your problem!" Sakura had enough, enough of her threats, enough of her bullying.

"I have lost everything over and over again. My life, everything I held dear, all of it stripped away three different times. I've always been left with the mess, picking up the pieces but never having enough to fix myself. When you lose what you love, it changes you. My father, my Itachi, and now Sasuke…you couldn't possibly understand. Maybe if I come and take everything from you, maybe then you'd begin to see what I'm talking about!" she shouted, words so similar to what Sasuke had uttered to Kakashi not long ago.

"That's why I'm crazy. That's my problem. Growing up an orphan, not knowing who my parents were, and then losing the boy I loved in the way I did. And now Sasuke who was the only one who truly understood me…I'm just broken. I'm broken, but this time I've found most of the pieces and I've managed to pick myself up off the floor."

Sakura sighed. She didn't know where to start. What could she say to Kokoa? There would never be an understanding between them. There would always be tension, bitter feelings, a rift. Sakura turned and started off without another word, leaving Kokoa alone by the gate. For a moment, Kokoa stared sadly at the ground. How familiar it was, for someone to turn their back. For a moment she mourned her loss. Sasuke really was gone. But Akihiko's warning and instruction flooded her mind. If she ever wanted to see Sasuke and Itachi again, she had to find the document and leave. She had to get out.

 

He had a long journey this time, but Itachi didn't mind. This was something he wanted to do. Something he needed. He stepped off the boulder, adjusting his clothes, and took a moment, slipping a hand into his cloak, long, painted fingers wrapping around the old parchment, clutching tight.

The heavens opened, and he suddenly found himself caught in the downpour, soaked to the bone, everything drenched but the document he swore to protect all these years. He dropped his head back with shut eyes, smiling a sick smile in the violent rain at the possibility of seeing his precious Kokoa again.

 

One. Naruto was the only one to set eyes on Sasuke, every other member of the team falling behind in order for him to move ahead. After a bit of yelling and a hard punch to the face, the two stood before each other, Naruto breathing heavily, fists clenched; Sasuke calmly spitting blood with eyes so hollow they left his friend speechless.

"If you won't listen, if you won't do this for me, then what about Kokoa? Eh!" Naruto spat. Sasuke's eyes widened just enough for Naruto to notice, and the blond took advantage of his weakness for the girl.

"What about h –"

"After all she's done for you. After all you've been through, you're just leaving her?"

"It's complicated. You could never understand," Sasuke said, trying to brush it off, desperate to avoid the subject. He had only focused on moving forward since he left Konoha, too afraid and too guilty to look back.

"Doesn't she mean anything to you, Sasuke?"

"What does it matter? It's no concern of yours, Naruto."

"Don't you care? Don't you care at all!"

"Of course I do!" He lunged forward, eyes ablaze, voice sharp. "More than anyone, more than anything! She's everything to me! She's my world!"

"Then why are you doing this to her, causing her so much pain, leaving her all alone?" Naruto pushed. He wanted Sasuke angry. He wanted him to feel something, to remember he was human. "I know you have feelings for her. I can see it in the way you look at her, the way you treat her, how you say her name. You love her –"

"Shut up, Naruto!" He stomped his foot. "Shut up about stupid things, about love and romance. This isn't some novel, some story with a happy ending. It's reality, a tragic one at that. You think I have time for that stuff? You're insane."

"But you said she means the most to you. So she doesn't?"

"She does…" He turned his face, eyes shut, desperate to shake the guilt, desperate to shake his feelings for her; his love for the girl who only loved his brother.

"If she's your everything, Sasuke, why abandon your world?" Naruto stepped closer, watching his friend. He saw the sadness in his face, the pain in his eyes.

"Because Itachi was once my world, and until I make him pay for all the blood and tears he's spilt, it won't end. I'm doing this for me and Kokoa. It's so we can move on. It's so we can let go."

"You're never going to let go, Sasuke. That's just who you are. What comes after revenge? You kill him and then what! There's nothing. It changes nothing. So why not stay with your friends, stay with me, with Kokoa-chan?"

"Because it's just too late, Naruto. It's too late now!"

"No, it isn't! You can come back! She's at home waiting for you! Desperate to see you safe again! You can have that, Sasuke. You can be with her. You can love her –"

"You just don't get it! Stop being so stupid, so blind, Naruto! I have things I have to do, a goal to keep. I'm an avenger. Besides…I'd just be wasting my time. She loves Itachi, and nothing will change that. Why should I go back to someone knowing they'll never be mine? What is there for me in Konoha besides silly games and a false hope that maybe things will be ok if I'm with her?"

"Sasuke…"

"You weren't supposed to be here. Did she send you? I thought we made our peace. How could she betray –"

"Kokoa didn't send me, Sasuke. She saw me before I left, tried convincing me to stay. She didn't want me getting in your way. She said I had to let you go the same way she did. She doesn't have any role in this."

And it hurt, struck him like an arrow to the heart, shook him to the core.  _She said I had to let you go the same way she did. She doesn't have any role in this._  Sasuke was the one who told Kokoa they didn't need each other anymore, that they had to go their separate ways. He was the one who turned his back and left her hysterical and alone in that dark prison cell.

He was the one who wanted this, who wanted to leave, who wanted power and revenge, and yet in that moment Sasuke found himself in a lot of pain – hurting and scared – betrayed. Kokoa had stepped back, let him go, given him everything he asked for, but he stood there with wide eyes and parted lips, devastated to hear that she hadn't sent Naruto after him, that she herself wasn't with him, that she really did let him go in order to find Itachi and her own peace. This time, she had turned her back on him, or so he thought.

"Just come back with me. We can fix this, Sasuke," Naruto said. "Revenge isn't worth it. Come home. Come back to Team 7. Come back to Kokoa-chan." He pleaded one last time. Sasuke moved a foot, slowly turning to face Naruto with dead eyes.

"You're too late, Naruto. You're too late now, Naruto."

 

Naruto still hadn't returned. Even worse, Kakashi was sent out after him. As badly as she wanted to go, Kokoa did not. As desperate as she was to have Sasuke beside her once again, she stayed in Konoha and busied herself with finding Akihiko's document. She started in the library and went from there. It wouldn't be easy to find. She would have to be careful and not draw attention to herself. She needed time. Unfortunately, time was not something she had much of. With all the commotion Sasuke and Naruto caused and Tsunade trying to figure things out, she worried about what lurked in the shadows. She wondered just how long Danzo would wait before making a move, before wiping her off the map just as he had done to her father.

 

Each step echoed loudly in the dim cave. Torches flickered. The air sat cool and still.

"Heh, Sasuke-kun, at last. You are the vessel I've chosen."

"Tch," Sasuke turned his face as he followed Orochimaru and Kabuto through the dark, winding halls.

"What's with the sour expression? You're finally here. This is what you wanted, is it not?"

"Perhaps he regrets it, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said. "Maybe he's having second thoughts –"

"Not at all," Sasuke cut him off.

"Then what's with the solemn face?" he pressed, pushing up his glasses. "Could it be…that girl?" Kabuto said, his tone teasing. Sasuke stiffened, avoiding eye contact.

"Ho? Kuroki Kokoa? Omoshiroi," Orochimaru grinned. "An interesting woman she is, and what a marvelous shinobi she'll become once she discovers the kekkei genkai sleeping in her."

"Kekkei genkai?" Sasuke met his eyes. "Kokoa?" he asked in disbelief.

"Don't take it personally, Sasuke-kun. I don't think she knew about it either," he laughed. "Now that you mention it, when she met up with me not too long ago, she offered to take your place."

"What?" It seemed all Sasuke could do at the moment was stare at Orochimaru with parted lips, desperate for answers.

"You didn't know that either? Heh, Kokoa-chan offered to take your place. She offered herself to me so I would leave you alone, and I almost accepted. I considered it, but she has not unlocked her power. She is not ready. Even I couldn't help her with that. Besides, you've been my choice for a while. It seems she'll have to put up with Konoha on her own for now."

"Orochimaru-sama, why not bring her along regardless? Surely she would have followed Sasuke-kun. The girl has nothing. A Kuroki is valuable," Kabuto explained. Sasuke glanced between the two, in awe at how they spoke so highly of the girl he had grown up with. There was more to her story. There were secrets to Kokoa he did not know, secrets she had just recently discovered about herself. Was leaving her now the worst thing he had done? Was she really that desperate to keep him home?

"A Kuroki is valuable, especially Akihiko's daughter, but she wouldn't make things easy for us. No, Kokoa has a fire to her, like her father."

"Will she come back for Sasuke-kun? Like Uzumaki Naruto just did, Orochimaru-sama?"

"I think Kokoa has other plans for now. I think she will let Sasuke-kun do as he pleases. She doesn't have time to waste. She can't spend her time chasing after him."

"Orochimaru-sama, what makes you think she'll just give up? Sasuke here is her only friend and family. She has more cause to follow him than Naruto."

"Sasuke-kun and Kokoa are in a race, both fighting against time to get to the man who caused their hell. Kokoa will not chase after Sasuke-kun. She will not because she's going to get to Uchiha Itachi before he is confronted by his younger brother. Kokoa's goal is no longer fighting to stay strong against Konoha, nor is it protecting Sasuke. It's getting to her beloved Itachi."

Sasuke's fists tightened. How easy it was for the two to talk about him as if he wasn't there. How calm they were. How casual and normal all of this was for them. Most importantly, how easy it was to speak about Itachi and what he had done, like it meant nothing.

"You're making a face again," Orochimaru commented, gazing down at him.

"Hn, it doesn't matter how, just give me power." He ignored Kabuto taking offense at his tone.

"He may look different now, but that's still Orochimaru-sama. If you value your life, you'd watch your mouth," he warned. Sasuke turned to Kabuto, eyes brimming with hatred, with pain, guilt, and an overwhelming desire to destroy the man who caused it all. The medic froze, eyes wide.

 _'His chakra! What is this?'_  He kept his guard up. Sasuke was not the same child he was during the Chunin Exams. He had changed. Orochimaru on the other hand, eyed the boy closely, lips spreading into a smirk.

_'Yes. My future is in this child.'_

 

Kokoa's heart raced as she approached the door, fingers twitching above the knob. She was terrified. How bad was he? She had heard Nara Shikamaru and the others were rushed back to the village for treatment after facing off against Orochimaru's Otogakure no Shinobi Gonin Shū, the Sound Five; Hyuga Neji and Akimichi Chouju returning with the heaviest damage. Kakashi had arrived too late. Naruto was alone. Sasuke was gone. Kokoa was afraid to see Naruto, afraid to see his injuries as well as the pain in his eyes. Sasuke was a brother to him. Just like her, Naruto lost part of his family. And by being unable to bring Sasuke back, he also failed on his promise to Sakura. She stepped inside.

"I received reliable information about Akatsuki from a certain source. Looks like they won't be coming after you for another few years," Jiraiya said, sitting on the window sill. He did not turn to Kokoa at first.

"I don't care about that," Naruto said, bandaged hands resting in his lap as he sat upright in the hospital bed. "That's years from now. I don't have time to waste training."

"What do you mean?"

"I have to chase down Sasuke as soon as possible! He might get killed by Orochimaru!"

"So you've figured out Orochimaru's true intentions; why he wants Sasuke." The Sannin crossed his arms.

"You – you know too?"

"Sasuke is his next vessel. Orochimaru now has the sharingan," Kokoa finally spoke, drawing Naruto's attention.

"K –Kokoa-chan? When did you get here?" He turned to her.

"Just now," she replied softly.

"Kokoa-chan, I'm sorr –"

"Enough, Naruto." She stopped him, raising a hand. "It's ok."

"No, it's not. I couldn't bring Sasuke back. He was your only family. I know. I tried, but I'm not giving up. I won't."

"Naruto –"

"And I know you're going to keep telling me he doesn't want to be saved. Even if that's the case, I'm not giving up on him. I won't let him slip away."

"Hai," she whispered, watching him with sad eyes.

"Orochimaru can use this body transfer technique once every three years. Sasuke was a bit late in getting there, so Orochimaru already switched. If it helps at all, Kokoa, he'll be safe for another three years at least," Jiraiya said.

"You're not lying are you!" Naruto exclaimed, twisting in bed to face him. "Are you!"

"No," he replied. The gennin fell back with a sigh. "But you should forget about Sasuke, Naruto."

"Hu?" He sat up again. It hurt to see him like this. Kokoa knew Naruto's pain all too well. She understood the hope of seeing a lost loved one again. She knew how it felt to be so desperate to have someone back. She knew, but all she could do was watch.

"Sasuke went to Orochimaru on his own," Jiraiya said. "No matter what you try, he won't change. I know because I've seen many other shinobi…Sasuke is like Orochimaru. If you're thinking about bringing him back, don't even try. Only a fool would."

"He may mean nothing to you, but to me he's a friend! And he was all Kokoa had left! He's our friend, a part of our lives!"

"Would a friend injure a comrade!" Jiraiya snapped. "Just look at the condition you're in! And would a friend walk out on you while you're wasting away in a prison cell after you tried to help him?" He eyed Kokoa. She remained silent. She did not argue. She understood Jiraiya's feelings as well, for he too lost Orochimaru in the way she lost Itachi, the way Naruto lost Sasuke. He was only telling the truth.

"If you insist on going after Sasuke, I won't train you, Naruto. I'll have ANBU watch you, and depending on the issue, forbid you from leaving Konoha."

"How cruel," Kokoa said with a pained expression.

"He's no ordinary kid, Kokoa. You both know that. Akatsuki is after the Kyuubi. That's just how things are. If you don't listen to me, that's what'll happen. One day you'll face people worse than Orochimaru. Give up on Sasuke. It was only a matter of time before this happened. Don't suffer any more. Forget Sasuke. Forget the bond you shared. Aside from jutsu, shinobi must also make tough choices."

Kokoa clenched her fists, her jaw tight. She knew firsthand how impossible it was to forget someone precious to you.

"If you're going to be a ninja, you'll have to be stronger, Naruto," he continued. "If you stay blind, if you stay an idiot, you'll struggle in this world. That's the harsh truth."

"How can you ask him to –"

"All right," Naruto interrupted Kokoa. "If that's what it means to be wise, I'll be a fool my whole life!" he declared. Jiraiya blinked in surprise. "I'll think of an even greater technique and save Sasuke for sure! And then – and then I'll beat Akatsuki up!" Naruto and Kokoa saw Jiraiya struggling silently, fighting himself as he sat there gripping his knees.

"If someone like you tries to do this on their own, all you'll come up with are a bunch of useless and perverted techniques," he sighed. He leapt off the window and out onto his summoned toad. "If an idiot will stay an idiot, I suppose something could happen if he was big enough of an idiot. When you're clear to leave the hospital, you better get ready, you big idiot. Ja na."

"Osu!" The boy turned to Kokoa once Jiraiya had disappeared.

"Naruto, I know it's as if everyone is asking something of you, but I have just one request."

"What is it?"

"People told me to give up on Itachi-san, but I refused. I still haven't. So I don't expect you to give up on Sasuke even though I know he doesn't want to be saved. All I ask is that if you do go after him again in the future, that it's not for my sake."

"What do you…what do you mean?"

"Before he left, he and I sort of made peace on the subject. He needs revenge and I need Itachi's truth. While he's getting stronger, I have to get to Itachi. I can't get in his way. Not right now. So if you see him again, if you cross paths, please don't make him think I'm the one running after him. I have to let Sasuke go for now, until we meet again. I'm not depending on or burdening you, ok? It's ok, Naruto. Honest. I've accepted it."

"Something's different about you," he said, fingering the hitai-ate in his lap. He chose to spare Kokoa, to not tell her how Sasuke shattered when he heard she hadn't sent Naruto or come after him.

"I've just realized my purpose and what it is I want. I can't worry about Sasuke. This was his choice. It's time I make my own. I just need you to understand that you don't have to bring him back for me. Do you? Do you understand?"

"I do, Kokoa-chan."

"Arigato."

"What will you do now?"

"Well, I have to sort some things out, but…I need to find Itachi-san. I'm not turning my back on him. Not now. Not ever."

"Good." He grinned. "I don't get why he did what he did. Sasuke left because of him, and now he's after me with Akatsuki. He's the bad guy, but if you're so determined, Kokoa-chan, I'll help you if I can."

"I knew I liked you for a reason." She laughed softly. "Thank you."

"Maybe  _you_  can save  _him._ "

 

He stood in his bedroom, folding a shirt with one hand, his perverted book in the other, humming softly to himself.

"Hm?" He turned to see Kokoa in the window.

"I need your help, Kakashi-san."


	50. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo. I know I said chapter 50 would be the last before I jump to Shippuden, but it was too long to post as one chapter. So here is this one, and I promise that chapter 51 will be the last before the time skip. In fact, Itachi has a large role in #51, so it's worth the wait, at least I hope haha. Just wrapping some things up, and then Shippuden at last. As always, thank you for the views and feedback. I truly appreciate it, and I'm glad you like the story. Ja na for now.

 

 "So you need Jiraiya-sama and I?"

"Hai. I need to request a transfer. I'm leaving Konoha."

"Leaving? What – why?" Kakashi asked with a tilt of his head.

"There's nothing left for me anymore here in Konoha. My parents are dead, and my Itachi and Sasuke are gone. I'm just living in this oversized prison cell while ANBU and Root wait for another mistake so they can swoop in and arrest me. I need to start over. I need to sort out some things."

"What happened?"

"Hm?"

"Something's changed in you." He eyed her. "Kokoa?"

"I…I just have this bad feeling. I have to find a document that belongs to my clan, and then I have to leave. But I need help, and I can't raise suspicion. That's why I'm asking Tsunade-sama. That's why I need your help. Please, Kakashi-san."

"Kokoa –"

"After all these years, all that I've said and done, you've still been a friend to me. You still treat me with respect and kindness. Even if I'm harsh at times, I truly do appreciate all that you do, Kakashi-san. I have one last request. Please, I need your help."

"You've always tried to handle things on your own ever since Itachi left," he said, "so it's about time you ask me for something."

"Kakash – arigato!" She bowed in respect.

"Hai, hai, hai. We just need to find Jiraiya-sama."

"I saw him with Naruto not too long ago. He should still be in the village."

"Let's go then."

 

After dragging Jiraiya from the hot springs and explaining Kokoa's mission, the Sannin, the Kuroki, and the Copy Ninja dashed to Tsunade's. Kokoa stressed how time was an issue and that she feared Root would begin to suspect something was up. This had to be done quickly.

Tsunade sat leaning forward with both elbows on the desk, her face in her hands. She sighed deeply.

"Is this really what you want?"

"I need to leave. I don't have anything here anymore. I'll go mad just sitting around."

"This isn't as easy as you'd think," the Hokage said.

"I know. And if it means I have to step down as a shinobi, I'll do it. I'll resign. I'll do anything. I just need to leave. I need to start over. I can't keep clinging to the hope that someone will come back for me. Please, Tsunade-sama."

"There will be paper work."

"Of course, yes."

"And it also depends on Suna's response."

"I think they'll be ok," Jiraiya said. "Who wouldn't want this pretty lady?"

"Hokage-sama, you have the both of us vouching for her. Kokoa has suffered a lot in life, and she's always going to be haunted and judged for her past. She just wants to start over, to live her own life away from all of this. You do know she's being watched all the time. She's suffocating." Kakashi placed a hand on her shoulder as he spoke.

"Shinobi must learn to bear such burdens. Surely you know what it's like to suffocate, Hatake Kakashi," Danzo said, slithering up beside Tsunade, Zaji in tow. Kokoa's eyes darkened. Her jaw tightened. He had Akihiko killed. Danzo was the root of all her problems, and she did not even know his involvement in Itachi's pain. She wanted to run. She wanted to hide, to avoid their eyes because they were always watching, but she remembered her father's words. She remembered her promise. She would not let them forget Akihiko.

She straightened up, the anxiety leaving her.

"She's requested the transfer properly. If Suna accepts, there's no reason to deny her," Tsunade said. "I understand you've had her under watch all this time for her possible involvement in the Uchiha massacre, but Suna is well aware of her record. If she goes, Kokoa becomes their responsibility."

"The Uchiha tragedy is Konoha's problem, therefore Kokoa is our responsibility. We can't let a Kuroki who was involved with Uchiha Itachi run free," Danzo said.

"She won't be free, Danzo," she sighed. "You think Suna would let her do as she pleases? They're stricter than us in many aspects."

"She was involved with Itachi. She met up with him recently. She also had a little run in with Orochimaru. Can you really let her go? Is that wise, Tsunade?"

"With the mess Sasuke caused, I don't have time to worry about this. Jiraiya and Hatake Kakashi stand behind this girl. As does another shinobi I trust," she said, referring to Naruto.

"What are you afraid of?" Kokoa spoke, eyes on Danzo and his dog. He furrowed his brow. "Why are you so desperate to keep me here, Danzo-sama?"

"You should know."

"I told you and Sarutobi years ago that I was not involved in the Uchiha massacre, and that I'd die saying that."

"People lie."

"Oh how they do."

"What are you planning?" Zaji questioned, once again unsettled by the look in her eyes.

"I just want to live somewhere where you aren't watching my every move. Itachi left me, and Sasuke is gone for revenge. I'm done living for other people. I just want to live for myself."

"Beautiful," Danzo scoffed. "Sounds lovely, but that's not how the system works."

"The system? Heh, you think I care about the damn system? The system turned on me the second things went sour. I don't care about the system or your backwards ways and rules. I want to leave Konohagakure, and as I said, I will resign if I have to. Suna can watch me, and they can work me like a dog, but I'll take anything over this village. You should be relieved. Kuroki Kokoa will no longer be here. I'm leaving."

"Oi, enough you two," Tsunade said. "I stand by my previous comment. Suna has to accept first. If they do, we'll start the process and see where it goes from there."

"You're making a mistake, Tsunade-hime," he warned.

"The only mistake is pinning the massacre on this girl," Jiraiya said. "Questioning her at first in understandable, but do you really believe she was a part of it?"

"You were not here to see her interact with Uchiha Itachi back then. She would have gladly given up her life for him. She did everything he asked. Isn't that right, Kokoa?"

"Tch." She kept quiet. Oh how she wanted to say it, to say that she still would do anything he asked. That she still would give up her life for him, that she loved him, believed in him, respected him, but that wasn't the place or time. She shifted her gaze elsewhere.

"I've made my decision as Hokage. If I need any of you, I'll send word. Everyone is dismissed." Tsunade waved a hand, annoyed. Danzo disappeared with a huff, and Kakashi and Jiriaya left.

"Oi," Tsunade stopped Kokoa. "What is your deal with Uchiha Itachi? I know you were seeing him, but it seems there's more to this."

"I loved him," she said, meeting her eyes. "He was my only family, my everything. I loved him…but he left. I lost him. Can you understand? Can you understand that pain?" She rubbed her arm, a heavy sigh escaping her. Tsunade shut her eyes, remembering Dan's last words, his last breath.

"Uzumaki Naruto is fond of you, Kokoa."

"And I of him. He really is something special, that kid."

"That's why I'll help you."

"Tsunade-sama?"

"I came into office only to have you and your past thrown at me while Danzo tries to have his way. I wasn't here when Itachi left. I wasn't here to watch you all these years. So the least I can do as Hokage is make one solid decision concerning your case. You will go to Sunagakure."

"Arigato gozaimasu," she said and started to leave.

"I met Akihiko once," Tsunade said. Kokoa paused, her back still to her. "He was quiet and intimidating; a true shinobi. No one knew what went on in his head, but from what I've heard, everyone that's encountered him and lived could not forget his eyes. Your eyes."

Kokoa smiled to herself. So they saw. They saw her newfound determination, her resolve and pride. Perhaps she really would become feared like her father. She was already famous.

"Ah." She was gone.

 

"Again. That's the second time, Danzo-sama, that I've seen those eyes in Kokoa. It's never happened before until recently," Zaji stated, pacing before the older man. "I know those eyes. I know that look. That is Akihiko."

"Oh?" Danzo looked up from where he sat, catching the anxiety in his subordinate's words.

"There's something new about her. Something strange. And now her father's eyes. Could it be – Danzo-sama, you don't think it's him, do you?" He came to a stop.

"You killed Akihiko all those years ago, did you not, Zaji?" he spoke, sitting up.

"I did, Danzo-sama. You know I did. I laid his corpse at your feet. You wanted him dead and I made sure of that."

"Then what has you so anxious?"

"I'm trying to think of an explanation to Kokoa's odd behavior."

"She's his daughter. Akihiko was off and strange, so it's not surprise she is as well. Besides, she's still growing, developing. Kokoa will have episodes. She has in the past. What makes you think it's more than that?"

"Maybe I'm looking too far into it, Danzo-sama. It's just…to suddenly see his eyes in her…I was not expecting it. I was not expecting to face another Kuroki. It makes me wonder if she'll become like her father."

"We won't let that happen," Danzo said. "We have been watching her after all, from the moment she was born. Akihiko was excellent and terrifying, and that made him and anyone he held dear a threat, especially his own child, one who inherited his power and will and has the potential to surpass him. How fortunate we were for the conflict with the Uchiha." The old man stood up to stretch his limbs.

"We've been keeping an eye on Kokoa from the very beginning, making sure she doesn't step out of line, making sure she doesn't become like her father, but it's hard to justify keeping tabs on a loyal Konoha shinobi without proper cause, especially a young, orphaned girl. Kokoa's friendship with the Uchiha was just what we needed. Her relationship with Uchiha Itachi, what a gift. Being the loyal shinobi that he was, Itachi ended his clan and left Konoha; the perfect excuse to heighten security around Kokoa. Everyone knew she loved him dearly, so convincing them she might have been involved was easy. We call her a suspect in the Uchiha massacre when really we're making sure she doesn't become like Akihiko."

"And if she does become as strong as her father?" Zaji inquired. "Danzo-sama?"

"Then you end her life as you did Akihiko's."

"Understood…though it seems the Hokage is allowing her to leave."

"No worries. If Kuroki Kokoa does become strong, it will take time. As far as we know, she's still clueless about her clan and abilities. She'll be fine even if we aren't there. Besides, I have eyes everywhere. If it comes to it, I trust you with the task, Zaji. You've been the one hovering over her shoulder all these years. The one who knows just how she works. In the end, it is yours to do."

"Hai, Danzo-sama."

 

Days passed and still no sign of the document. Kokoa was exhausted from her search, and anxious about leaving. Sasuke left, and suddenly her world turned to chaos. When Itachi left she had Sasuke. They leaned on each other. Now all she had were Akihiko's words and her confidence that there was more to Itachi's story.

"Yoo, Kokoa-chan."

"Jiraiya-sama?" She turned, finding the man in her home. "What – I didn't sense you."

"I'm good at what I do," he grinned. "I have something for you."

"For me?" She took the package from him.

"Ah. Your papers."

"Papers?" She looked up at him.

"Sunagakure accepted the transfer request. Looks like Tsunade has a heart after all."

"Suna? They did?" She slipped the stack of documents from the folder.

"The ones on top are from Suna and Tsunade. The bottom stack has all the papers you need to fill out. You'll take that to Tsunade once you're finished, and well, you get to leave not too long after."

"So it's finally happening, huh…" She stuffed them away and set them over on the shelf.

"You look upset. I went to the trouble of convincing the old woman to let me be the one to deliver the news."

"I appreciate it, Jiraiya-sama. Honest, I do. It's just this is all happening so fast. One minute I'm in jail begging Sasuke to stay with me, and now I'm about to leave Konoha, the place I've always called home. It's scary, to turn your back on everything you've ever known. Even though I'm miserable here and harassed, I'm used to it, you know."

"This will be good for you though."

"Hai."

"I am sorry, Kokoa."

"What for? Oh, would you like some tea? Juice?" She started for the kitchen.

"No, no. Thanks. And sorry for having to abandon you a while back. I told you that I might have an answer to your migraines, but I never got back to you on that. I suspected it had something to do with your ability, with your father. I did some digging around, but there was nothing. I had to drop the subject to avoid suspicion, which is also why I had to keep away from you for a while."

"I understand. Kakashi-san explained it to me. I appreciate you trying."

"It seems as though you don't need my help on the subject anymore. There's something different about you…as if you know something. "

"Ah." She kept her back him, not wanting to discuss her encounter with Akihiko. "I've been afraid of leaving and starting new, but every time I doubt my decision…I have to leave. There's just one thing. There's this document that belonged to my clan. Our history, our treasure. I believe my father died without the document in his possession. It's somewhere, but I can't find it. It belongs to my family, to me, not Konoha," she spat in the end.

"I don't know, Kokoa. If I start looking for it, it'll be obvious we're up to something."

"I know. It's just that it would be a part of my father – a real – something physical to hold onto even though he isn't here." She fingered the Uchiha pendant as she spoke.

"You're not giving up on him, are you?" he inquired, glancing at her necklace.

"Never."

"You're a lot like Sasuke, but sometimes you're as foolish and stubborn as Naruto," he sighed.

"We all have that one thing, that one person we're willing to fight and die for. Uchiha Itachi is mine, regardless of what anyone says or thinks." She stepped closer. "I've always felt as though there was more to his story, and with my father telling me I may have the power to read hearts, I'm all the more convinced that things are not what they seem. I wanted Itachi's truth all these years, from his own mouth, but I never did anything about it. That's all about to change."

"Your father?" Jiraiya stepped back, bewildered. But as he stood there processing, thinking everything over, he soon began to realize that somehow, in some way Kokoa had spoken to her father, and her sudden decision to find the document and leave Konoha was all his doing.

Kokoa noticed the change in him, aware that he knew about Akihiko. Neither said anything, but the sannin nodded gently and Kokoa could not help but sigh in relief.

 

Water dripped endlessly from the stalactites of the damp, dark, cave. One by one they phased in through the Gentōshin no Jutsu - Magic lantern body technique.

"The last time we met like this was seven years ago when Orochimaru left the organization." The jutsu distorted each voice.

"And Orochimaru has gotten a hold of the sharingan…Itachi, is it your brother?"

Itachi stood motionless and quiet, expression stoic save for his eyes that sat narrowed and crimson with the sharingan. Sasuke had fallen into Orochimaru's trap. What did that mean? Did Sasuke choose to leave? And where was Kokoa in all this? Though he joined the Akatsuki meeting through the Gentōshin no Jutsu, his physical body lay hidden somewhere in the wild, ready to resume his trek to Konoha as soon as they wrapped things up.

"Don't rush things. We'll kill Orochimaru eventually, yeah. More importantly, we only have three years. Will we all be able to complete our tasks? Hm."

"Yes. Our objective is to obtain them all...including the Kyuubi."


	51. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, folks, this is it. This is the last chapter before Shippuden. We finally made it! Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate it. I already started the next chapter, so I'll try to have that out within the next two weeks. The semester starts soon, so it might take me a little longer to post, but hopefully not too long. My classes shouldn't be too bad. Again, thank you so much, and well, I hope you like the chapter. I'd definitely love to see what you think.

Jiraiya and Naruto set out for their training, of course bidding Kokoa a farewell beforehand. Sasuke had become her everything, but Naruto was also a bit of light for her in dark times. All she had now was Kakashi, and it took losing Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto to realize just how fortunate she was to call the Copy Ninja her friend.

Tonight would be her last night in Konohagakure; however, despite her excitement, Kokoa found it hard to breathe easy when she still had not found Akihiko's papers. She roamed the dark, empty streets on her own, sulking, wondering where it was, wondering if she'd be killed right then and there when no one was around to see. Little did she know that a certain Uchiha had neared the village.

 

Just like before, Itachi slipped into Konoha, swift and quick like the shadows. Sasuke was with Orochimaru. He knew that now. It meant he could track down Kokoa without worrying about his foolish little brother and the scene he'd cause.

He hid up in a tree overlooking most of the village, focusing on picking up her chakra, on finding her.

About to give up and head home, Kokoa turned, only to run into someone larger. She stumbled, nearly falling, before looking up with wide eyes.

"Out so late?"

"You – " She choked on her words.

"What are you up to?" he pressed. Her expression hardened.

"That's no concern of yours, Ryuuji."

"If you're still a threat to the village, of course it's my business, Kuroki."

"Get lost."

"And if I don't?" He crossed his arms, defiant.

"Don't push me."

"You can't hurt me. They'll swoop down and lock you up again."

"Leave."

"Answer me, and then I'll go. Why are you out so late?" he asked again. Itachi, who had tracked her chakra, neared the two, and he felt it, the flutter in his heart upon seeing his beloved Kokoa. He watched from a distance with sad eyes and parted lips.

"Why am I out? I'm looking for something is all," she replied, turning her face.

"What could you possibly be looking for at this time of night? What's so important that you can't wait until tomorrow? Can't be that necklace of yours. It's right there." He pointed to her chest. "Didn't I break it?"

"What do you want from –"

"What is it, Kokoa? Don't make me cause a scene. Don't make me suspect you more than I already do."

"A book, a paper, an old item that belonged to my father. I've been trying to learn about my parents, but they died before I was old enough to remember them. I just wanted to find something, a piece of them to hold onto is all."

 _'An item that belonged to her father?'_  Itachi placed a hand over the folded document hidden in his cloak, eyes wide. Did Kokoa know? Was she aware such a document existed, that it belonged to her? And if so, how?

"I've searched everywhere, high and low, but no luck. I've just been moping around the village because I have nothing better to do, and I'm leaving tomorrow."

 _'Leaving?'_  The Uchiha listened closely.

"Oh yeah, you did request that transfer. I can't believe they actually approved it. You'll only cause more trouble wherever you go. It's all you're good for."

 _'Transfer?'_  Itachi took a moment to analyze the situation. Kokoa was leaving Konoha. This would be the last time he could sneak in, the last chance he'd have to return the document. But she had searched high and low. How could he do it? Where could he place it for her to find without it being too obvious that someone staged it? Time had run out. He had no choice. He waited for Ryuuji to leave, and after a few more dirty looks and comments, sure enough he was on his way. It was then, that very second, that Uchiha Itachi made his move, scarlet eyes narrowing in on Kokoa. She was never too good with gen-jutsu to begin with.

He had made Sasuke witness the massacre with that sharingan of his, made the child believe Itachi was a monster who slayed them all on his own. Now he would cast a spell over Kokoa, make her search somewhere she had not searched before, and she would find it there. It took a toll on him, strained his eyes, but tricking her into thinking she had found the document was the only way to get it to her without raising suspicion.

It was for her own good. And afterwards, after she had it in her hands, her grip tight, Itachi followed her to her top story apartment, hovering around the perimeter, thankful for the absence of ANBU and Root. Tsunade managed to call them off considering it was Kokoa's last night in the village. He lingered to make sure she didn't suspect anything, to make sure she believed it, that she knew the importance of what she held. He lingered because it had been so long since they had been so close.

 

She stood in her bedroom, the document pressed to her chest.

"Finally," she whispered and held up the piece, eyeing it. "Not here. Not now." She wouldn't mess with it until she was safe in Suna. The girl bit her lip, fighting back tears as she stroked the document with her thumb; the last bit of Akihiko.

"At the very end…it's come to me. Like a gift. Almost too good to be true," she said, gently setting it amongst her packed things. Itachi, who sat up on the roof not far from the open window, leaned closer. "But a gift is a gift. So be it." She shut off the lights, still able to see from the white moon that night. She climbed up to the end of her bed, back against the wall, hair fluttering a bit from the cool air blowing in.

"When I was younger, I often waited for you like this," she said. Itachi froze. He had gone to great measures to erase his chakra. She shouldn't have been able to pick up anything, to know he was there. He placed a hand over his chest in an attempt to silence his pounding heart.

"I'd always be so happy when you visited me at night. It was always a nice surprise. You'd pop in after a mission to let me know you were ok, to let me know you cared."

He sat like a statue, unmoving, stiff, waiting for her next move. As badly as he wanted to join her, he could not. As easy as it would be to step through that window, he would not. It would only bring them both more pain. That was what he had convinced himself time and time again.

"I've been waiting for you to come visit all these years. I've been sitting here, thinking you'd pop in my window like old times, but no matter how hard I prayed, or how many wishes I've made, you never showed. You never came back." She didn't bother to catch her tears.

"And now I'm leaving. I'm leaving this place, my home. I'm leaving the academy where we met, the forest where we trained, the small path where you first kissed me. I'm leaving all that behind, and I wouldn't care if I was with you, but I'm not. You're far away and I have to start over all on my own with nothing but our memories and a promise to my father." Kokoa leaned over to grab her pillow, hugging it tight against her chest. "I think it about it every night, our encounter in the forest." She laid down, head beside the widow, the moon lighting her delicate features; a stunning sight that Itachi was so tempted to see, but knew wouldn't be wise to do so. He remained still.

"It was the first time I had seen you in years. The first time I heard your voice. Your voice, I always loved so much. And your eyes. I was looking for the little boy I knew. I was looking for that smile, but it was gone. To be honest, it didn't matter because you were right there. You were right there, looking at me, talking to me, touching me, but I still couldn't have you. And I was so desperate, so tired and sad that I truly would have been happy to die by your hand. But I didn't. You didn't kill me. You hesitated."

She shut her eyes. Itachi swallowed hard, fingers curled, nails digging into the roof. "They say all you need is one person. One person by your side. One person to help you move forward. How will I ever really live when you're my one person, Itachi-san? No family, no friends, and soon no home. All I really need is you, but…"

Kokoa made a sound; a pained moan, a whine, a desperate cry as tears once again flooded her blue eyes. Itachi bit back a similar cry, jaw clenched. And then he felt it, a tickle in his throat, an itch he could not fight. He threw an open palm against his lips to stifle the violent coughing that threatened to rack his body. And for a minute he was able to keep quiet, but the fit continued and Kokoa shot up in bed at the strange something she swore she heard outside.

Itachi shuffled back in panic, still fighting his cough. Kokoa threw aside the tearstained pillow and crawled up on all fours, sticking her head out of the window. The icy night wind bit at her nose, but failed to stop her. She pushed forward, torso hanging outside, eyes scanning up, down, left, right. Her lip curled at the thought of Danzo's dogs back to harass her when she was so close to finally escaping.

She climbed out completely, hanging from the side of her building, watching, waiting, listening for the source, for Itachi. The Uchiha watched closely from above, moving with her every step, avoiding her eyes; the eyes from which sunshine and naivety had faded. The coughing fit finally passed, and he lowered his hand, but Kokoa did not retreat. She kept moving, and for a moment Itachi was still on the roof, crouched low like a gargoyle, hopeful that she'd crawl back inside and fall asleep soon after. But the Kuroki had other plans. She extended an arm, gripping the edge to hoist herself up onto the roof.

Itachi shifted softly, silently, out of sight. And as Kokoa threw a leg over and pulled the rest of her weight up, he slid down, dangling below. He aimed to make his escape, but had not counted on Kokoa giving up so easily. She started to move back down, and in a cloud of panic and emotion the Uchiha swung back and thrust himself forward, effortlessly gliding in through her bedroom window. With Kokoa fast approaching, he stepped into the closet, pulling the door shut, leaving just the tiniest crack to see her slip back into bed, head thrown down by the window like before in frustration.

"Danzo," she spat, cupping her face. Itachi stood in the dark, holding his breath, eyes fixated on the young woman whose face the moon again lit. His bottom lip trembled, and thud, thud, thud, his heart smashed against his chest, and the voice in his head screamed so loud he swore it was real, telling him to step out, to go to her, to pick her up and hold her because she wouldn't fight it, and Itachi knew. He knew she wouldn't fight, she wouldn't yell. If Kokoa set eyes on her beloved, she may even run over to him. But he couldn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He swore he wouldn't open that door. That he wouldn't put both of them through that hell; give them hope that things might actually work out in the end.

He shook his head in the shadows, fighting the voice, fighting the urge, fighting himself, and it nearly brought the man to tears; seeing the woman he loved, having her so close and so willing to have him in her arms again. He stepped back further into the closet, hiding, regaining his composure. He quietly sat on the cold floor and waited.

Time passed. The moon still hung high in the sky, Itachi still hid in the closet, but Kokoa had fallen asleep some time ago, on her side facing the window, arms curled and near her chest. Itachi pushed open the door. One step. Two steps. Three. Not a sound. Not a breath. Four. Five. He neared the window. Six. Seven. But passed it and continued. Eight. Nine. At nine he stood at Kokoa's bedside, gazing down at her with half lidded eyes as dark as night. At her sweeping eyelashes and parted, pink lips, his expression softened, and all emotion rushed to the surface – though this time he didn't fight it.

Hesitant at first, Itachi eventually placed a hand on the bed, shutting his eyes briefly in relief when Kokoa did not stir. He leaned, hovering over her, his own lips now parted, small shaky breaths escaping him as he held a hand just inches from her face. He longed to hold her. Longed to push back her hair and run his fingers through. Longed to kiss her like she deserved; with everything in him.

He held his hand in place, so close, so very close, trembling. He struggled to breathe – took a good long moment to finally catch a breath – and when he did, exhaled with a soft sob, hot tears staining his cheeks. Itachi shut his eyes and turned his face, holding back a pained cry, fighting to keep quiet, but the ache in his heart and buried feelings won. And so he stood, for the first time in a long while, mourning his loss.

He brought the back of his hand to his slender nose, hoping to calm down, and while he managed to steady his breathing, the tears kept falling like stars; silently, gracefully. He had to leave before the night was over, before people noticed him in the village, before Kokoa awakened. He leaned closer, lips near her own, and he shut his eyes, ever so tempted, so desperate. He pulled away slightly, fingers not touching but softly drifting, tracing the contour of her face, one last tear slipping and falling against her cheek.

Itachi stepped back with a sharp breath, and it took everything in him to turn away from her. In the midst of rubbing damp eyes, another coughing fit bubbled in his chest. Throwing a hand to his mouth, he moved, jumped up and sat crouched in the window, stealing one last look, setting eyes on his beloved Kokoa one last time before letting go and fading into Konohagakure's shadows, that single tear still glimmering upon her face.

It seemed, despite what Itachi and Kokoa believed, that fate did in fact want them together, just not in the way they imagined. They would always be together though apart; bound to one another through fate, through love of the heart.

Always thought your promise was for life  
I did not think that I  
Would hear you say goodbye  
And I always heard you led another life  
I doubted every time  
I guess my love was blind  
Cause in my eyes  
Love was always something magical  
But the feeling is so tragic for  
And all I know is in love  
The thing that I want most  
I can't possess  
There's only emptiness

In the late of night  
Just before I closed my eyes  
You lied  
As you kissed me goodnight  
In the late of night  
Just before I closed my eyes  
I cried  
As you kissed my lips goodbye

In my eyes  
You will always be the lucky one  
Cause you know you'll always have my love  
For all times until I die  
Through the end I gave to you my best  
You gave, you gave me loneliness

In the late of night  
Just before I closed my eyes  
You lied  
As you kissed me goodnight  
In the late of night  
Just before I closed my eyes  
I cried  
As you kissed my lips goodbye


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. Sorry about the wait. The semester started and all my classes are writing classes, so I had to knock some stuff out of the way. We finally made it to Part II; the start of Shippuden. This chapter sets up Kokoa and what she's been up to - if she even managed to leave Konoha. Takes a peek at Sasuke, and visits Itachi. It's meant to revisit them and soon things will start moving. You might be able to guess where it's going. Again, sorry for the wait, but here it is. Enjoy! Also, the first few sections move in time, for instance it starts with a flashback and then moves to current time, and then another quick flashback, just so you aren't confused when reading :P

 

No longer on the offensive, he found himself defending against each strike. He was driven back with the next hit. He dodged after. Deflected the next. But the final blow sent him back, causing him to stumble over his own feet, back hitting the wall hard.

"Itachi-san! Shisui, what are you -"

"Calm down, Kokoa. Tachi can take a hit," Shisui said, holding up a hand to stop her. Itachi pushed himself off the wall, wiping his lip.

"I'm fine, Kokoa," he said, gazing down at the blood. "We always spar. Sometimes we get beat up in the process."

"That's right, this is the first time you've come to see us," Shisui said. "So am I the cooler one?"

"No." She crossed her arms.

"You're just mad I scratched him. He'll live. Look!" He shook Itachi by the shoulders. "He's fine."

"Hai, hai. Just don't make it a habit. I worry about him enough. I don't need to keep an eye on you too, Shisui." She walked over to Itachi, pulling a small folded cloth from her pocket. "Here," she said and pressed it to his lip.

"Arigato, Kokoa. But I'm fine. Honest."

"I just worry. You know that…" She turned away shyly. "If you got hurt or sick, I don't know what I'd do."

"Good thing he's as tough as nails," Shisui jumped in.

"Just don't break him."

"No promises, Kokoaaaa. But while you're here, help me find all the weapons we lost. I know I had at least two kunai fly somewhere that way."

"Fine. I'll help." She scurried off with him. Itachi remained where he stood, his breathing finally under control. He peeled back the fabric - the already red soaked cloth - and brought two fingers to his lip. It wouldn't stop bleeding.

 

"Everything else is in order. Tomorrow you'll meet another instructor here at 7:00 am sharp for your final test. If all goes well, you'll be able to resume working directly under Kazekage-sama." The stern Suna shinobi adjusted his vest as he spoke, eyes scanning the paper on the clipboard. "You're quite fortunate, Kuroki Kokoa, to be ranked so high up."

"I'm sure it's to keep an eye on me," she said.

"Part of it, but you've proven yourself. Many Suna shinobi know about you. They respect what you've been able to achieve thus far while here. And Kazekage-sama seems to favor you, which is strange in itself given the fact he's never really favored anyone. He's quite...complicated."

"You think so? He seems pretty easy to read."

"Maybe you're just good at reading people, Kuroki."

"Hm, maybe I am."

"Like I said. Tomorrow morning. Good luck."

"Arigato," she said with a bow.

 

She sat on the floor, knees to chest, deep in thought. Kokoa expected Sunagakure to treat her with caution, but she never thought they'd lock her up in jail when she first arrived. Was she surprised? A bit at first, but she knew she would have to grow used to her reputation and how others would behave.

So they kept her in prison at first while they sorted out paperwork and debated on just how they would handle her. On one hand she was Kuroki Akihiko's daughter, a man Suna once called friend. But on the other, Konoha deemed her a threat for her possible involvement with the Uchiha massacre. Suna could not tread lightly there.

One afternoon - or she figured it was afternoon considering the light peeking in through the tiny cracks in the walls - Kokoa found herself faced with something she never imagined; a visitor. And not just any visitor. She stood up, brow furrowed, and strolled over to the bars.

"I didn't think I'd get any visitors," she said.

"Why is that?" he replied.

"I don't have many friends, you see. And the ones I do have, well they're not around much anymore." She nodded in respect, acknowledging him.

"Kuroki Kokoa, huh?" He crossed his arms.

"So we do meet again, Sabaku no Gaara. Last time was the Chunin Exams, no? Though we really didn't meet."

"True."

"You caused my friends some trouble. Sasuke nearly lost his mind, and well, I suppose Naruto just needed some time to recover."

"Naruto?" he said with a tilt of his head. "You're friends with Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Ah. He and Sasuke have known each other since they were children. Whenever I saw Sasuke, Naruto was there. Over time, he and I have grown quite close. He's a special kid." She smiled softly to herself. "There's a certain air to him. He has the ability to really move people."

"Ah."

"What brings you to my cell, Gaara-san?"

"Word reached my ear that a dangerous shinobi was shipped here from Konoha. They mentioned something about Uchiha. I was curious just how dangerous you'd be."

"I promise I'm harmless." She leaned against the bars, casually picking at her nails.

"Back during the Chunin Exams you came running for Uchiha Sasuke, frantic, terrified. Now you're detached."

"Not detached. I had to let Sasuke go. He chose revenge, and so I've chosen to pursue my own peace. I'm starting over is all."

"Starting over…" He was quiet for a while after. "Of all places, why Suna? We're still trying to mend our ties with Konoha."

"My father once had good relations with Sunagakure. The entire clan did. They did missions for your village for resources and supplies. I had to leave Konoha. It was dangerous to stay. I know my father would have wanted me to come here."

"You seem to know a lot about your father."

"Do I?"

"Kuroki Akihiko was a terrifying man who died shortly after the birth of his first child. For someone who never knew her father, you speak as if you've known him for years."

"Sometimes you just know things. Call it a feeling. His will."

"Oh?"

"Ah." They stared each other down, Gaara aware that something was up and Kokoa fighting to keep a cool front.

"So you know Naruto?" he asked again.

"He's a good friend who has stuck by me through the years. Why?"

"No reason. He's just something we have in common."

"What do you mean? When last I looked, you two were enemies, nearly killing each other in the forest." She gave him a look.

"True, but he…he moved me. Helped me see the world through my own eyes instead of the darkness hiding in me." He tugged at his shirt without realizing, as if he could feel Shukaku fighting him. "Uzumaki Naruto is the reason I've decided to try again."

"Your light," she said, smiling softly. "I understand what it means to have someone important to you, someone who believes in you."

"Uchiha?"

"Well yes, just not the one you know. Sasuke's older brother."

"That's right. I went through your files. Konoha's convinced you helped him take out the clan and escape. And meeting up with him some years later didn't really help your case."

"What do you think?"

"I think you loved him dearly, but no."

"No?"

"You don't have what it takes." He stepped forward. "It's not in you. You may be as tough and someday as feared as your father, Kuroki Kokoa, but you'll never be as ruthless."

"Tch." She turned her face. He read her so easily, just like Itachi used to. But as passive and detached as Gaara was, it became easier to read him the longer they spoke. Without knowing much about her own ability, Kokoa tried regardless, and concentrated, focused on the boy's heart.

"I don't want to be ruthless," she said.

"So then why are you here? What do you want to be, Kuroki?"

"I want to become something, someone. Someone who doesn't live bound by people's preconceptions. I want to be true to myself, to follow my heart no matter the cost. Someone who is respected. I want to be acknowledged...just like you." And she felt it, something in her, a strange sensation, the same one she felt when she saw the look in Itachi's eyes the night he left, what she felt when he hesitated to kill her. Was that what Akihiko mentioned? Was that her ability or some sign that she was on the right path to figuring it out? The harder she focused, the stronger the sensation became and the more she felt Gaara's own emotions seep into her.

"Me -" Gaara stiffened, perplexed.

"You want become someone great too. I can tell. I can see. You yearn to overcome that darkness dwelling inside you, to find your true self, the self you were long ago. I can see the good in you. I can see the innocence that was stolen from you, much like it was stolen from me. You want to prove to everyone that you aren't what they've labeled you. You want to rise. You want to fight. You want respect and acknowledgement. I know! I can see."

The two stared each other down yet again, Gaara shaken, Kokoa thrilled.

"I want a new beginning, just like you," she said, breaking the silence. "As someone who has suffered all alone at the hands of his own village just like me, you must understand where I'm coming from."

"I do," he said.

"So that's why I'll make you an offer, Sabaku no Gaara." She pressed up against the bars, gripping tight with both fists. He straightened up, nodding his head.

"I'll help you reach your goal so long as you help me reach mine," she said.

"Go on."

"Help me live contently here in Suna without being harassed by the higher ups. Help me fit in and find a way to be useful. Help me get stronger so I can stand on my own, so I can find myself. And I, I swear I will help you reach the top. I'll help you run down every single obstacle that gets in your way. I'll do anything to help you become Kazekage."

Gaara stood speechless. He hadn't mentioned Kazekage. Nothing even close. How could she know? Just who was this girl? He swallowed hard, eyeing her.

"A friend of Uzumaki Naruto is a friend of mine," was all he said before leaving. And Kokoa would have opened her mouth in protest, but she saw it, that glimmer in his eye, and she felt it, that he would accept. And thus began the strange relationship between the two.

 

"Congratulations. You passed. You're able to keep your position," Gaara said, circling around the desk and to his chair.

"Arigato. It's an honor to still serve under you, Kazekage-sama," Kokoa said, bowing respectfully. The Kuroki served as a secretary of sorts. Was secretary the right word? She spent most of her time in his building and even the office, finishing tasks and running errands, reminding him about important meetings or deadlines, even urging him to rest or eat when she noticed him grow tired. She also accompanied the Kage and his siblings whenever they travelled, except of course if they visited Konohagakure. Gaara figured it'd be best she didn't return after her transfer, and Kokoa had no problem obeying. She had wiped her hands clean of that village.

Gaara and Kokoa formed a bond - a strange one - but a bond nonetheless, Uzumaki Naruto being the common denominator. Of course they did understand one another to a certain degree; both labeled, ostracized, hated by the very village they called home; desperate to become someone great; desperate to achieve a dream that seemed so close and yet remained so out of reach.

_"_ _I will help you reach your goal, Sabaku no Gaara, so long as you help me reach mine."_

_"_ _Like I said before, a friend of Naruto's is a friend of mine. Agreed."_

And so they supported each other and worked together, Kokoa happy to see him rise through the ranks until he hit the top, and the minute he became Kazekage, he called for her. She had kept her end of the deal, helped him reach his goal, and so he too would keep his word.  
Upon her arrival, Kokoa was jailed for some time until the paperwork and details were sorted, and then for a while after she lived in a smaller neighborhood where a few shinobi kept watch at first, to see if she was up to anything, and as Kokoa proved she had no ill intentions in coming to Suna, the security lessened - though it could not all disappear - but she was content. It was the new start she and Akihiko wanted. New people, new streets, new interactions. And while many people were wary of her, shinobi and civilians alike, there were some shinobi, the older ones, who remembered her clan and most of all, her father, and treated Kokoa with a respect she never before experienced. And so, once most of the guards were called off and Gaara was instated, he called for her to serve directly under him, justifying his decision by stating he could personally keep an eye on the girl and she could aid him in anything he asked.

"Kazekage-sama? Too formal, no?" he said.

"Gaara-sama?"

"Better." He shuffled a few papers around. "So how do you plan on celebrating you keeping your job and putting up with me?"

"I didn't have anything planned. I'm not the celebratory type," she said.

"Ah." He nodded. She eyed him. "Why are you staring?" he asked, eyes glued to one of the papers.

"It's nothing."

"Kuroki, what sort of fool do you take me for?" He looked up.

"Nani?"

"You never told me how that kekkei genkai of yours works, but I know when you're trying to read me. Your eyes do this thing."

"If I knew, I'd tell you. Honest. My father's document explained what the ability is, but my specific ability is a rare one that hasn't been seen in decades. All I know is that I'm able to read the heart. I'm able to see the truth, and the truth is, there's something on your mind and you want to tell me, but you're hesitant."

"You're not wrong."

"What is it?" She stepped closer.

"Akatsuki is on the move again, sources say. They're active," he said, leaning back in his chair. Kokoa remained quiet, gazing to the side with hooded eyes.

"I see."

"What will you do?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"We had a deal. You help me reach my goal and in turn I'd help you do the same. Despite what you told me in the past, I know Uchiha Itachi is your goal. Looks like your big mission is coming sooner than you think."

"I won't just leave."  
"I know. You know how much trouble that'd cause me. The elders already hate me." He sighed deeply.

"I can't just go running to them blindly. Keep me updated on their movement."

"Sure, but what do you plan on doing? What do you want from him?" he asked. "He was your lover, but I don't think things are going to end in an oh so splendid way. He won't forsake Akatsuki and decide to settle down with you, you know."

"I know...it's just the last time we spoke I begged him to kill me, and as he held the blade to my throat I saw it. I felt it. His hesitation. Now that I'm aware of my abilities and I've worked on improving, I just want to see him again. I just want to talk. I want his truth. And the night before he left...there was something in his eyes that haunts me to this day. Also…my last night in Konoha…I felt him. It was like he was there, like he had come to say goodbye. I know he wasn't actually there, but ever since, there's been this weight on my heart."

"When the time comes, I'll do what I can to help you, even if it means you leaving the village. I can work around that."

"Thank you, Gaara-sama."

"Ah. You may have fancy eyes, Kuroki, but I can see too."

"See? See what?"

"Why Uchiha Sasuke was so fond of you." Kokoa stepped back, hit by his words, a pang in her heart. Gaara remembered the day he fought Sasuke in the forest, the attack on Konoha. He remembered lying defeated on the ground. He remembered seeing the girl sprint to Sasuke's side. He remembered the look in Sasuke's eyes upon seeing her, the look he then realized was love, a deep love, a dangerous love. And while Gaara knew Sasuke's secret and understood why he had fallen for the kindhearted girl, he felt it was not his place to say such a thing.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a good friend, is all," he said.

"Arigato."

"Kuroki?"

"Hai, Gaara-sama?"

"Take the rest of the day off."

"Hai."

 

He sat up at the sound of footsteps echoing out in the hall, room dark and cold. The door slowly moaned.

"Sasuke, Orochimaru-sama wishes to see you," Kabuto said. Sasuke said nothing and only watched the dancing shadows behind Kabuto. "I'm not joking. He sent me to get you."

"Leave."

"If you don't come with me, he'll get irritated, and that's not something I want to deal with right now -

"I. Said. Leave." And for a moment those eyes flickered red, and Kabuto felt a shiver run through him. "If he wants me, he can come here himself."

"Have it your way." The medic shut the door and left. Sasuke threw himself down against the bed with a sigh. After mastering his latest technique, he seemed to have a lot of free time, and so he stayed in that dark room to escape the light, the world, his life, but no matter how dark it was or how tight he shut his eyes, a sliver of light always passed through; Kokoa. Many times he was able to keep distracted, but there were also moments of absolute despair where he questioned whether or not he had made the biggest mistake. Wondered about the girl and what had become of her. Afraid she still loved his brother. But Sasuke had grown stronger over the years, and he could taste revenge. Perhaps in the end he would be able to show Kokoa what a monster Itachi was; show her how wrong she was.

 

"He's been sitting there?"

"Like a statue for who knows how long, hm."

"Did you break him, Deidara?

"Me? Come on, Sasori-no danna. You know I hate him."

"Which is why I asked."

"I'm fine, you two," Itachi said suddenly.

"See, he was meditating. Idiot," Sasori said and shuffled off.

"Meditating out here? Why not in your room so I don't have to look at you?" Deidara crossed his arms with a huff. Itachi opened his mouth but could not find it in him to speak. He woke up that morning to the anniversary of the incident. While he had accepted the Uchiha's fate and that they needed to be stopped, he could not bring himself to accept what he had done to Sasuke, and Kokoa even more so.

"It would be wise to leave him alone," Kisame said, noticing the two. "Itachi-san isn't in a particularly good mood today for some reason. You wouldn't want to set him off."

"Like I care. He thinks he's so tough, hm." Deidara pointed a finger.

"I'll gladly agree to a rematch," Itachi said, voice low and sharp, sharingan swirling. Deidara stepped back in surprise, but the Uchiha had shut his eyes and started off before the artist could argue. He wandered down the empty halls, pressing his back against the wall and sighing deeply. Though his eyes were shut, he could still see, still see Kokoa lying in her bed fast asleep, his own tear upon her cheek. The emotions of that moment had not left Itachi even after all these years. To be so close, to know she would have loved him even then.

Suddenly, with his right hand he cupped his mouth, and with his left held himself to ease the way his body shook with each violent cough. He breathed deeply, wincing a bit as he straightened up. Itachi gazed down at his crimson stained palm, shaken like never before at the sight of his own blood.

 

"So what does this mean?" Konan asked, crossing her arms.

"It means now that we've gathered more members and resources, we're on the move again."  
"You gave the order?"

"Everything is set," Pein said. "We'll continue to hunt the jinchūriki, though there's no rush. Let's leave the Kyuubi for now and start from the bottom up. Ichibi jinchūriki; Sunagakure's Kazekage."

"Hai."


	53. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #53

"You're acting strange again, Itachi-san. Stranger than usual," Kisame said. "I know that look. I know those eyes. Are you reminiscing?"

"You always accuse me of doing such absurd things, Kisame-san."

"Well you leave me no choice. It's hard to ignore you when you're like that. If you're not walking down memory lane, could our new plans have you feeling jumpy?"

"Not jumpy. Just waiting."

"Unfortunately at the moment we're not the ones getting in on the action. Sasori and that idiot Deidara already set out. You think they can manage? The one tail, sure, but it's a bijuu nonetheless."

"They are a good team. You know that. If I were the Kazekage, I'd be worried."

 

Gaara sat at his desk in the bitter dark, paperwork done, most of the guards away. He gazed out the rounded window, at the sky, at the stars. Clear. A beautiful desert night, but he found he could not enjoy its beauty, for a knot had twisted in his belly, and worry plagued his mind. Not quite sure what it was, he knew something was coming, and with Akatsuki's confirmed activity, what were the odds it was anyone else? They were on the move. In order to protect the village and a friend, Gaara too, would have to make his move.

 

"Kuroki, so nice of you to join me. You're late," Gaara said, signing the bottom of a paper.

"I went to deliver those documents from yesterday, but got held up in traffic. Were you here all night?" She eyed the messy desk.

"Excuses." He didn't answer her question.

"Forgive me. Did you need something, Gaara-sama?"

"No. I enjoy tormenting you is all," he said. "Bring me that folder, would you?" He pointed to the shelf beside her.  
"Anything else?" She set it before him. He sighed deeply. She watched him, waiting.

"I have a mission for you."

"Mission?"

"Yes. It will be a few days."

"There's no one else?" she asked. Gaara knew Kokoa would begin to wonder, begin to question his motives. She would try to read him, which is why Temari would fill Kokoa in on all the details. She didn't know Gaara's intentions in sending Kokoa on the mission, so if Kokoa pried for answers, she'd find nothing – or so he hoped.

"I'm still putting it together. You'll hear about it soon enough. Just giving you a heads up is all."

"Oh?"

"I need you to do it, Kokoa," he said. And he did. He did need her to leave. He needed her out and away from the village. Akatsuki was close. He could feel it in every bone. He was determined to help Kokoa get to Itachi, but he would not risk her running wild in the village in search of him. She was in control now, but he saw her when she found Sasuke after the Chunin exams. He knew the girl lost all control and reason when faced with those she loved. He had a village to protect. Kokoa needed to leave for Suna's safety and her own. Who's to say Itachi or any other member wouldn't kill her?

She eyed him. Something was off, but what?

"I know you usually don't do work outside the village. This one is on me. I'll owe you."

"Yes you will." She smiled.

"Details...I'll give you later tonight. I have to sort out the rest of these papers."

"Understood.

 

"You want me to assign her the mission?" Temari set both hands on her hips.

"She knows she's getting one. I just need you to tell her the details and make sure she goes," Gaara said.

"I'm busy as is. Why can't you tell her? You are  _the_ Kazekage after all."

"I'd be more than happy to tell her," Kankuro said between bites, stuffing his face in a manner that hade Gaara cringing.

"If you go near her and try cracking your ridiculous jokes, she will kill you, Kankuro," the redhead said.

"With a history like hers, I wouldn't put it past her. Never mind then."

"History? Does this have something to do with Kokoa's past?" Temari asked.

"Perhaps."

"Gaara -"

"It doesn't matter. I just need you to assign her the mission. That's an order, Temari." He crossed his arms.

"Fine, fine. I'll do it." She took the folder from him. "I just hope it's all for a good reason. Rumors or not, I kind of like the girl. She's tough. I can appreciate that."

"She is tough." He agreed. "Which is why she'll survive this."

 

Kokoa marched along, supplies to her back, weapons to her leg, a frown on her face, on her way to deliver a set of documents to Kirigakure. Temari gave her all the details and sent her on her way as ordered before heading to Konoha for other business. Kokoa had a feeling something was up before, but she was now sure Gaara had something planned and this random mission was a part of it. She wanted to stop by his office before heading out, but found that the Kage was off somewhere in a meeting. So she gathered her things and marched out of Suna irked and suspicious.

 

A few days passed. Kokoa was still out on her mission. Gaara sat alone in his office most of the time, going over paper work or enjoying the silence, until one evening something caught his eye, something strange he spotted through the window in the distance. He, however, did not move, staying seated. He waited.

Night fell. While Suna slept, Gaara stood awake and alert as always, only this time he slipped out of his office. And this time he stepped outside to the rooftop. And this time he stood face to face with a shinobi cloaked in red clouds.

"I gotta say, you noticed me pretty quickly, hm," Deidara said, standing on the back of his clay bird.

"Birds like that don't exist in this desert," Gaara said, standing on his own staircase of sand, both up in the air above Suna, eyes locked, ready to fight for their cause. He glanced around. One. Deidara seemed to be the only one. No other Akatsuki nearby. No Uchiha Itachi. He found himself wishing Kokoa would hurry back. Had it not been for the storm yesterday and the day before, she might have been there. Gaara would fight regardless. He would protect Sunagakure.

"Kazekage-sama?" A Suna shinobi spotted the scene in the sky. "What in the hell?" He ran off to warn the others.

 

"What do you mean something strange infiltrated the village? Yuura made sure we beefed up our security, right?" Kankuro moved down the hall, fellow shinobi in tow.

"We can't get a hold of Captain Yuura right now."

"What?" Kankuro came to halt, something twisting in his gut. "Let's go."

 

By this point, Suna shinobi lined the nearby buildings, wondering how they could help their Kazekage. Gaara and Deidara faced off, weaving in the sky; lethal. With Temari out of the village and Kokoa gone, Kankuro took charge, commanding the forces, desperate to help his brother.

"Gaara is using his  _Absolute Defense_ sand to fight," Baki said, stepping over to him. "We have to assume that the enemy is highly skilled. We also need to consider what to do if Gaara loses control," he said. Kankuro narrowed his eyes. "We need to consider a scenario where Shukaku comes out. And if Kuroki returns in the midst of this...the villagers are in danger."

"Hn, that won't be a problem. Gaara will never harm the villagers. No matter what."

"But the girl. She's on Konoha's list. She might have helped Uchiha Itachi massacre his clan, the very Uchiha Itachi who's in Akatsuki. Now they're here in our village and she's gone -"

"Gaara sent her on a mission. I think he had a feeling something was going to happen, so he sent her away so she wouldn't get involved," Kankuro said. "Kokoa is troubled and she has a reputation, but she managed to get close to Gaara. She earned his trust and that's not something anyone can pull off. If she shows up, we'd be lucky because she's strong and she'd do anything to save Gaara. Our main concern right now is that guy." He pointed to Deidara. "Not Shukaku or Kokoa's relationship with Uchiha. Got it?"

 

Kokoa pulled the hood tighter around her head, bracing the end of the storm. Gazing out ahead of her, she took a trembling breath. A feeling.  _The_ feeling. What she felt years ago when Itachi returned to Konoha for Naruto. Something was coming. Trouble was coming. Done with her mission, she mustered all strength and hastened to Suna.

 

Gaara fell defeated, sacrificing himself to protect the village. Deidara snatched the body and moved out. Furious, Kankuro followed, ignoring what others said. With the village in chaos, Gaara gone, and Kankuro running blindly after Akatsuki, Baki was left with no other choice.

"Have a pursuit squad follow Kankuro immediately!"

"Yes sir!"

"Also," he said, "send Konohagakure a message explaining the situation right away. Tell them it's an emergency. And if they ask about the Kuroki girl, you say nothing, only that she's detained somewhere and out of trouble. We don't need them making excuses not to help us or getting involved with Gaara's decision to send her out of the village. Got it?"

"Understood!"

 

"Naruto, you've met him before, right? Uchiha Itachi," Sakura asked. Team Seven was sent out to Suna after receiving their emergency letter, and ran into Temari who was also on her way back home. Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura, and Temari raced against time. "I didn't just sit around when Tsunade-sama wasn't training me. I had full access to her library and took advantage of that. The man Sasuke-kun talked about killing long ago is his brother, Uchiha Itachi, a member of Akatsuki. He hurt Sasuke-kun. He took everything from him. That's why Sasuke-kun is with Orochimaru. For power. Orochimaru was once a part of Akatsuki. If we get to Akatsuki then we get to Orochimaru," she said. "And then comes Uchiha Itachi."

"Getting to Uchiha Itachi won't be so easy," Temari said.

"Hm?"

"You have two others already out and after him, Sasuke being one of them. I suggest you talk to the other person before doing something you'll regret."

 

"Kankuro? Kankuro?"

"Temari? You're back already?" he said, voice low and hoarse. She sighed in relief. Sakura had successfully removed Sasori's poison.

"I heard the village was in trouble. I rushed back."  
"Sorry to make you worry," he said.

Kakashi discussed the situation with Baki. Chiyo and Ebizo had been summoned as well, all crowded around Kankuro trying to decide their next move. A silence swept over, save for the footsteps that soon paused at the door. They turned.

There she stood, in a scarlet Suna styles dress, a piece similar to a petticoat peeking from underneath. Arms hung at her sides in wide sleeves. A pair of not too tight charcoal capris sat snug at her hips. A white scarf worn often in Suna woven around her neck. Shinobi sandals reached up and stopped just below the knees. And her dark hair, much longer now, sat tied in a low side ponytail, resting on her left shoulder. Three small hoops hung from her exposed ear. A fire flickered behind blue eyes.

"My, my, it's been some time," Kakashi said, smiling softly.

"Thank God you're back," Temari said, placing a hand over her heart. Kankuro nodded, trying to steady his breathing, still hurting and tired. Sakura furrowed her brow.

"Eh? Kakashi-sensei, you know her?"

"Hai. And so do you, Naruto."

"I do?"

"So it is her then," Sakura said, jaw tight. Kokoa stepped in, head high, eyes dangerous, voice sharp.

"Long time no see, Kakashi-san," she said. "This is not how I wanted our reunion to go."

"I can say the same, Kokoa. I hope all is well."

"Eh? Kokoa? Kokoa-chan!" Naruto glanced between the two, eyes wide. "No way – "

"Way." She placed a hand on his head. "Should I be upset you don't remember me, Naruto? All I did was grow my hair out and get some new clothes. You're the one who has changed. Are you taller than me now?"

"You – you look older too. You look…." He took her in.

"That's enough." Kakashi threw both hands over the boy's eyes.

"You knew to come here. I assume someone filled you in on what's happened," Baki told her.

"Gaara is – they really got him?"

"Hai. And Kankuro went after them but was poisoned by Aka Suna no Sasori, another Akatsuki member. The Hokage sent this team for back up."

"Gai's team should be on the way soon," Kakashi said.

"Yeah, Sakura-chan saved Kankuro," Naruto said.

"Temari, what do we do?" Kokoa said, dismissing Naruto's comment. "What – why wasn't I here? I should have been here. I should have been beside Gaara – "

"He wanted you out of the village, Kokoa."

"Why?"

"He knew something was coming. He thought it might be Akatsuki. He didn't want to risk your life or the life of the villagers. He was afraid you might get emotional, so he sent you away to protect you."

"He didn't trust me?"  
"That's not it, Kokoa. He was afraid you'd read him, that you'd see his true intentions. That's why he made me assign you the mission. He just wanted you out of trouble."

"Now he's the one in trouble. What's the plan? What are we going to do?"

"So you're the Kuroki girl they shipped over from Konoha a few years back," Chiyo said, sizing her up. "Your father was quite the powerful man in the past, had good relations with the village, but you...you were dumped on our doorstep in the midst of our own chaos. No Kage and shaky ties with the other villages. Who are you to waltz in here demanding answers?"

"Me? Kuroki Kokoa, daughter of Kuroki Akihiko. I'm sure you know about my past, so we'll leave that for another day. I currently serve directly under Kazekage-sama, and should anything happen to him, it's my job to make sure he's ok alongside Temari-san and Kankuro-san."

"You're fond of the Kazekage and rumor has it he was fond of you. Bonding over the slaughters of your past?" She commented on Gaara's killings, Kokoa's involvement in the massacre. Kokoa turned her face, lips sealed. It was not the time or place.

"I understand I'm under strict rules here, but I'm going after Gaara regardless. Demote me. Strip me of my shinobi status. Do what you will, but I'm going to save him. We both made a promise and he hasn't fulfilled his yet. I need him alive."

"You can't just go running after them. Look what happened to Kankuro," Sakura said, pointing to him.

"Baki, I've earned your trust, have I not?"

"Kokoa -"

"I know you're wary of me. I wish things were different, but in my time here, never have I stepped out of line. Please let me save him. Let me save my friend. Let me help."

"You have other motives, Kokoa. I know that. I can't just let you leave."

"Please. Right now I just want to bring him back. They almost took Naruto years ago. I've been there. Let me help my Kazekage. Your Kazekage. Regardless of what happened in my past." She waited, eyes never leaving him. He looked to Chiyo for an answer.

"The fool isn't going to listen to anything we say. Let her risk her life if she wants to," she said.

"She's a good fighter. If she goes, I can stay with Kankuro and help in the village," Temari said.  
"She'll be with me, a former teammate. I'll keep an eye. You have my word," Kakashi said. "Besides, we need to catch up."

"Yosha! Kokoa-chan, it's good to have you back." Naruto flashed that grin of his.

"Go change and rest for a few hours while we organize things," Baki told her.

"I'll personally come get you before we leave," Kakashi assured her. She nodded and rushed out.

"Kokoa-chan...she's changed. There's something about her, Kakashi-sensei. And not just her looks!" Naruto rubbed his chin, wondering how to describe it.

"She's embraced her clan's history and her abilities," Temari said. "She's made peace with herself, trained hard all these years alongside Gaara, and now serves directly under him even though she's not a Suna native. Some people fear her which is to be expected considering the rumors. Others respect her and what her father did. She's not just some girl. You're right, Naruto, she has a strong presence, and this new Kokoa won't back down or give up when it comes to those she loves."

Sakura stiffened, the pieces clicking in her head.

"So," she said quietly to Temari. "The other person after Itachi is Kokoa, isn't it?" Temari never answered. She flashed Sakura a warning before returning to Kankuro's side. Sakura stood frozen. The girl who joined them to save the Kazekage from Akatsuki also had personal business with the organization. Sakura wanted to end Itachi, but Kokoa would kill her before she even raised her hand. Haruno bit at her lip, terrified, upset, wondering how all of this would play out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend and story follower was so kind as to draw a quick a Kokoa in her current outfit :) Here's the link to her Deviantart if you'd like a peek: http://xxser3ndipityxx.deviantart.com/art/Kuroki-Kokoa-Original-519130365


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been ages. This semester was a lot more work than I thought it'd be, but most of it is behind me! Here's a new Itachi chapter with an ending that might make you hate me more than you already do for messing with you so much haha. Thanks for reading ^^

They stood ready, discussing a few last minute things. Team 7. Kokoa. Chiyo.

"Listen," Temari said, stepping close to Kokoa, "thank you for doing this. For going after Gaara."

"He's important to me too, Temari. I lost important people before. I can't let it happen again. Not while I can fight."

"Ah." She placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. Chiyo noticed the emotional exchange. "Kokoa...I know you have your own goal, and I'm fine with that. We all do. We all have that one thing we want more than anything. It's just…" Temari sighed deeply. "Yours isn't so easy. I trust you, but don't risk your life out there. Don't throw it all away for him."

"I said I would bring Gaara back. That's my main goal."

"But you can't pretend like you might not run into him, Kokoa. There's a chance you will."

"And if it happens, then it happens."

"I'm not telling you not to go after him. Just be careful."

"I will. I will."

"Come on, let's go save Gaara!" Naruto dashed off. The others followed. Kokoa took one long, deep breath, nodded once to Temari and once to Baki, and raced out after them. And so it began.

 

"We don't have time to sit around," Naruto said, leaning against a tree, arms crossed. "We have to save Gaara, not make camp."

"That's what we're doing, Naruto," Kakashi said, counting the tools in his pouch. "We haven't had a good chance to rest since leaving Konoha, Kokoa just got back from her own mission, and we don't want to push Chiyo-baasama."

"Nonsense, I'm fine," the old woman said with a wave of her hand.

"If we rest for a little, we'll have more energy, and then we can get to Gaara faster. If we have to fight, we'll need all our strength. This is Akatsuki. We'll have to be wise about this."

"Yeah, yeah." He climbed up into the trees to get away from the others.

"Sit, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said.

"I will later. You rest. I'll scan the area for now." He disappeared. Sakura took a swig of water. Chiyo watched Kokoa. The girl sat across from them, back against a tree, fiddling with Itachi's necklace. She had taken it off for a quick inspection.

"While I'm sure your feelings for the Kazekage are true, I can't ignore what everyone's been saying about your other motives," Chiyo broke the silence. Kokoa never looked up. Sakura nodded to the old woman, happy someone else opened the subject. "You should look at others when being spoken to, girl."

"I'm not obliged to do anything," Kokoa said. "but I'm not rude either, so…" She faced them.

"What's in your hand?"

"What? This?" She loosened her fingers, letting the necklace dangle. Sakura's eyes widened at the Uchiha crest.

"Itachi then?" she said. Kokoa licked her bottom lip.

"I told you never to speak his name," she warned. "More than once, I warned you."

"There are rumors about you, everywhere," Chiyo said. "About you helping him. You come to Suna and now Akatsuki has the Kazekage -"

"Like you care," Kokoa snapped. "You hate Gaara. I know that. The whole council hates him. He's still a monster to you. Don't try and make it seem like you're torn up about it. The only reason you're concerned is because you don't want other villages knowing and attacking. Politics. Your own interest."

"Why I'm here doesn't matter."

"I left Konoha because there was nothing left for me. If I had stayed they would have surely killed me. I only wanted a fresh start."

"Why our Suna?"

"My clan had good ties with the village."

"Hn."

"I did not lead Akatsuki here, if that's what you're implying, Chiyo-baasama. Why would I, especially after three years? What is there for me?"

"So let's say you're not the reason they came this time. So why are you so eager to find them?" Sakura added.

"I told you, to save Gaara. He's my Kaze -"

"I overheard Temari telling you to be careful before we left," Chiyo said.

"And I know you're after Itachi just like Sasuke-kun is."

"Why does it matter?" Kokoa looked away, returning to the pendant in her hand.

"You wear his necklace. You hate it when I mention him. You told me years ago you still love him. If you find him this time, are you going to turn on us -"

"I'm not turning on anyone."

"Then what are you planning!" Sakura jumped to her feet. "He hurt Sasuke-kun! He's the reason he's gone, and you're sitting here wearing his necklace and hoping to see him again! He's a monster. I read about what he did. I know. I'm going to kill him for Sasuke-kun's sake. I'll make him pay for everything!"

"No you won't," Kokoa said, still on the ground, eyeing the crest. Chiyo furrowed her brow. How cold the Kuroki was.

"Huh?" Sakura fell quiet.

"You won't kill Itachi-san."

"Oh yeah? Why not?"

"Well for one, you can't. He's on a completely different level. Even Kakashi-san doesn't stand a chance, with all due respect. The likes of you challenging  _the_ Uchiha Itachi? Funny."

"I'm not the crybaby I used to be. I've trained. And I have Naruto by my side."

"You won't kill Itachi-san. You even think about it, you're dead. You raise a hand against him, I'll put your head on a stake." Kokoa now rose to her feet, approaching Sakura. "Speak ill of him again and I'll read your darkest secrets, bring them to surface. I'll expose you for what you really are. If you try anything against Uchiha Itachi, you will die at my hand. It's simple." She stepped back, clipping the chain around her neck.

"If - if Sasuke-kun was so important to you...how can you do this?" Sakura managed.

"Sasuke needs revenge. I need answers. He's precious to me, but so is Itachi-san, so like Sasuke, I am doing what I have to do. You couldn't possibly understand."

"He's a rogue ninja, a wanted criminal. If I see him, I can't hold back."

"If you want to get yourself killed, fine. If Itachi-san doesn't kill you, remember, I will." Kokoa left it at that, and walked away from them. She found another tree, pressing back against it with a sigh.

"Need something?" She opened an eye to see Naruto hanging upside down from a branch.

"I heard you over there," he said.

"Sorry for threatening your girlfriend - well I'm really not sorry - but you know what I mean."

"She's - she's not - we're not together," he stammered.

"Hai, hai."

"Would you really?"

"Really what, Naruto?"

"If she tried anything, would you kill her?" He jumped off and stood up to face her. Kokoa said nothing for a moment, chewing at her tongue.

"Yes."

"Konoha would come after you."  
"They're already after me. Danzo wants me dead."

"But -"

"Itachi-san is all I have. He's all I've ever had. If she gets in my way, I will do what I must to make sure he's ok."

"Kokoa-chan…"

"I'm not on Akatsuki's side, Naruto."

"I know."

"But I am on Uchiha Itachi's." She adjusted one of the hoops in her ear. "Saving Gaara is what's most important right now, but all anyone seems to care about is whether or not I'm going to betray you guys."

"I know your story, Kokoa-chan. I know you're not the bad guy, but I can't blame them either."

"If anything happens, I only want to talk to him. I won't fight you. I won't try to kill you. He's my target."

"Kokoa…"

"Depressing, I know." She sighed deeply.

"Have you ever tried...you know...getting over him?"

"Tried to? No. Thought about it? Yeah." She wrapped her arms around herself, guilt stricken. "In the past I used to wish I could just move on like he did. That I could turn my back and live my life. I still had Sasuke, so I wasn't completely alone, but...it was too hard. It hurt too much. And Sasuke never forgot. Why did I have to?"

"I see."

"There was that one Ryuuji guy who was interested in me - before I realized he was an asshole. I guess I could have tried to find someone, but just the thought of doing so feels so wrong, like I'm betraying him."

"Even though he left you?"

"It's messed up, I know."

"What about Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto teased. Kokoa shook her head with a smirk.

"That old man? Heh, if things were different, maybe."

"Eh! Seriously? I was joking. He's a grandpa!"

"He's not that old, Naruto. He's still got some fight in him."

"You and Sensei?" He scratched his head, trying to wrap his brain around the idea.

"He's a good friend, Naruto. He's really one of the only people I've been able to trust from the very start," she explained. Kakashi had wandered back, but kept hidden, too interested in the gossip to reveal himself just yet. "I'm glad to have him in my life. Don't worry though, I won't date your sensei."

"Good. He's always late and makes excuses. He tries to get out of hard work too."

"I'll cross him off my list. No dating Hatake Kakashi."

"Yosh." He nodded in approval. "Ne, Kokoa-chan. What about Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"Sasuke. And you. Together."

"Nani?" She let her arms fall to her sides.

"He always seemed so happy around you, a sort of happiness I only saw in him when you were there."

"We were - we've been close since he was a child. He made me happy too."

"But this was different. He…" Naruto struggled for the right words. He didn't want to boldly announce Sasuke's love for her, not that Kokoa would believe him, but still. "I think if you tried -"  
"He's family. I mean yeah we - I guess we care about each other, but it's never been like that. He'd think I was crazy if I brought it up." She gazed off to the side, remembering Itachi's words:

_Good, Sasuke. Knowing you'd have each other...I just want you to look out for her if I'm not here anymore. Whether that relationship turns into something more when you're older, well that's up to you._

"What is it?" Naruto pushed.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Just funny, how you want me to hook up with your sensei and best friend. Classy, Naruto."

"Oi! I'm just trying to help you!" He pouted, cheeks red.

"I'm fine, Naruto," she said softly, combing fingers through his hair. "I made my choice long ago. Uchiha Itachi. There's no going back."

 

"There are enemies closing in on the base."

"Oh?" Pein eyed Zetsu.

"Enemies?" Deidara glanced around.

"Ah, and they seem to be pretty powerful. One of them is called Maito Gai."

"Who is that?" Pein asked with narrowed eyes.

"A skilled Konoha jonin who uses tai-jutsu," Itachi said. "Don't take him lightly."

"That wild animal again, huh?" Kisame chuckled to himself. "We'll use that technique then."

"All right, then let me go. I've had a hell of a time trying to find my jinchuuriki and it's starting to piss me off," Hidan said with a frustrated sigh.

"No, I'll go. I have a bit of a score to settle with him."

"That's fine," Pein said. "The technique suits you better anyway, Kisame, considering you have the most chakra of anyone here in Akatsuki."

"Hai, hai."

"Still, I'll need about thirty percent of your chakra."

"My, my, it looks like I can finally get even with him for kicking me." The swordsman grinned, remembering their little encounter in Konoha. He shut his eyes, opening them slowly to see himself seated beside Itachi who focused on the Gentōshin no Jutsu.

"This will be interesting, no? Itachi-san."

"Be careful."

"I know. You don't have to tell me. Still, I can't help but feel excited. Time to get back at that beast. I wonder who else he brought with him - oh you don't think -"

"It matters not." Itachi cut him off. Kokoa was supposed to leave Konoha years ago. He heard it from her own mouth. There was no way she was with Gai. She couldn't be. Besides, even if she hadn't left, Konoha would never let her leave to help retrieve the Kazekage. She had no business in doing so. "The longer this takes, the longer the extractions takes."

"Hai, hai. Always so responsible, Itachi-san." Pein cast the Shōten no Jutsu, the Shapeshifting technique, using Kisame's chakra to turn a human sacrifice into his clone to face Gai.

 

They moved swiftly through the trees, Naruto determined to do whatever necessary to save Gaara, Kokoa also determined but just as anxious about confronting Akatsuki, wondering if she'd set eyes on her beloved. She lowered, pushing herself off a tree branch, when a sudden sensation rippled through her. She came to halt, landing heavily on another branch. Kakashi noticed and moved to her side, letting the others continue.

"Kokoa?" he said softly. She met his eyes.

"I felt something. Someone - someone's evil intent...I think."

"Your ability?"

"Maybe. There's just this awful feeling." She scanned the area. "And whoever it is, is close." She straightened the pouch on her leg. Zetsu eyed the two.

"There are more coming," he said.

"It's been a bit crazier this time around, Deidara," Pein said.

"W - well this jinchuuriki turned out to be stronger than the other two, hm," the blonde stammered.

"I tried telling you. Your techniques aren't good for stealth missions," Sasori said.

"Hn, call me crazy, but I remember your traps being pretty excessive too, Sasori no Danna."

"What did you say?"

"Shut up. Both of you. Focus on the jutsu," Pein spat. "Now, who else is going?"

"Can I go this time?" Hidan jumped at the opportunity, itching for a fight.

"It's more Konoha shinobi," Zetsu said. Itachi glanced over, heart sinking to his stomach. "And one of them is good enough to sense me."

"It's decided then." Pein turned his gaze to the Uchiha, rinnegan boring into sharingan.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite a while since the last update. I always say the semester won't be too bad, and then boom! It gets bad. But now it's over, and I'm free, and I've whipped up a chapter for you. It's a flashback chapter focusing on those filler episodes that showed Itachi when he first joined ANBU and worked alongside Kakashi. Remember those? Pretty good episodes actually. I know you guys also love flashback, somewhat happy Itachi, so here you go. I didn't want to rush the Kazekage arc, but the next chapter will continue that one for sure. It's about to get intense. A possible reunion?
> 
> Also, Itachi joins ANBU when he's 11. The massacre occurs when he's about 13. So in this chapter he and Kokoa are only friends. They have feelings for each other by now, but no one's said anything or made a move. I want to say they get together maybe a year or a little less before the Uchiha massacre. Just a heads up in case you're wondering where they are in the relationship. I'm done rambling now, so go forth and read!

"Are you nervous, Itachi-san?" a young Kokoa asked, sitting beside the boy, both pairs of feet dipped in the cool lake.

"Nervous? Why, should I be?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

"You seem more nervous than me, Kokoa."

"Because I am!" She leaned forward, hugging herself tightly. "ANBU. You're joining ANBU. That's a big deal!"

"I guess, but I'm excited," he said. "Curious too."

"So you get to have fun while I panic?"

"I'm sorry." He laughed softly. "I don't want you to worry. I'll be fine. They say it'll be a good learning experience. I'll get stronger so I can protect you and Sasuke." He smiled that smile of his, eyes shut, head titled, assuring Kokoa it would all be fine, though deep in his heart Itachi couldn't deny that he was quite afraid of what such a high ranking would bring.

 

He stepped into the locker room full of ANBU members, a box of his belongings balanced in his arms. Itachi stood in place, heart suddenly racing. Kokoa's worry clung to him. A bit of nervousness was to be expected, but was she right to overreact? Should he be as worried as his friend? He cleared his throat, forcing himself to speak up.

"I've been assigned to ANBU starting today," he said. "My name is Uchiha Itachi." He glanced at each face. "I would appreciate your guidance."

"So you're the one?" Yamato strolled over. He showed Itachi to his locker. The other shinobi whispered among themselves.

"He's the one?"

"He's only eleven-years-old."

"That makes him the youngest ANBU ever, right?"

"Team Ro is to assemble at the Third Training Ground in five minutes," Yamato said. Itachi, who quietly stuffed his items into the locker, peered over, catching everyone's eyes.

"Hai."

 

"You look sick, Kokoa-chan."

"I'm fine, Sasuke." She forced a smile. He crossed his arms with a pout. "What?" she asked. "What! I'm fine!"

"Liar."

"I'm just nervous is all." She turned her face, trying to play it cool.

"About Ni-san?"

"Ah. His first day as ANBU. It's a big deal for shinobi. Not everyone gets to do that. He's so young too."

"But he's strong. Ni-san will be great. I believe in him. Don't you, Kokoa-chan?" He tugged at her shirt.

"I do. I do, I swear. I just...putting himself in more danger like that…"

"He's strong."

"Yeah…" She inhaled deeply. "Let's busy ourselves with something, Sasuke. I'll go crazy just sitting here waiting for him. How about some dango?"

"Yes, please!"

 

Itachi approached the training grounds in full gear, mask and all, as instructed. Hanging in trees, some of the ANBU launched shuriken and kunai at the Uchiha. He evaded each attack with ease, but found himself frowning behind the mask. Just how far would they go to see his if he was worthy?

"Oi, what's the meaning of this?" Kakashi asked, joining the crowd.

"Just wanted to see if he has what it takes to be one of us," a man answered.

"You have a problem with your superior's decision to add him?" Kakashi crossed his arms.

"It's - it's not like that," he replied.

"Haven't you already sensed that he isn't ordinary?"

_'Isn't ordinary...'_  Itachi was never fond of that idea, that he was too different, too above everyone. Always praised in class and set up on a pedestal within the Uchiha, he was already tired of living bound to everyone's expectations. Even Sasuke held him to a certain standard. The only one who never seemed to care about that sort of thing was Kokoa; however, he was still a ninja. There wasn't time to pout or whine about what people thought. He had to face it.

"I'm Kakashi." He turned to Itachi. "I'm the captain of this team. You're new, but I need you to learn ANBU rules and formations quickly."

"Hai."

 

"Making an exception for someone so young is unusual for ANBU," Yamato said quietly to Kakashi.

"Danzo-sama recommended him."

"Oh? He doesn't fit the mold though."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked.

"Danzo-sama has his own list of criteria when it comes to ANBU and Root members."

"And?" Kakashi pressed.

"I…" Yamato eyed Itachi. "I just can't see him…"

 

"I started my duties today."

"Is that so?" Fugaku said, sitting across from his son. "That's my boy. I'm very proud that you've joined ANBU." Itachi bowed with a kind smile. "But you must never forget one thing: before you are a Leaf ANBU, you are first and foremost Itachi of the Uchiha."

"Hai." Itachi gazed off to the side, wondering when or if his father and other Uchiha would step away from old tradition; when they'd see things as they truly were and worked for a new future, not one shrouded in clan custom, conflict, and politics.

"The Uchiha have been entrusted with Konoha's security," Fugaku said, "but because of that, our clan has been relegated to living outside the village boundaries. It's crucial we have one of our own there. I'm counting on you, Itachi."

 

"Uchiha Fugaku stood out as one of the shrewdest security captains over time. I'm not surprised he's your father," Danzo said. Itachi kept quiet, kneeling before him in uniform. "Because Konoha ordered the Uchiha outside the village limits but allowed them self-governance, we cannot interfere with their matters. Therefore, we need our own set of eyes and ears there." He decided against telling the boy anything about his Kuroki friend and her father. Danzo had no problem admitting to using Itachi against his own clan, but Kokoa, he handled it with care. "I'm counting on you, Itachi."

 

Just as she leaned over to shut her bedroom window, Itachi stuck a hand in between, catching it just in time.

"Itachi-san?" Kokoa stumbled back in surprise. "It's so late. After not seeing you earlier, I figured you'd be tired by now."

"You're right, I was busy, but not too tired that I couldn't come see you." He moved in, gently stepping off her bed.

"How was it?" she asked.

"I tried not to be nervous, but what you said kept bouncing in my head." He tapped his skull.

"So me being nervous made you nervous?"

"Ah."

"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it. It's just - you're younger - and they - "

"I'm glad you were worried."

"Hu?"

"It means you doubt me a little."

"Doubt?" Kokoa tilted her head, confused.

"Everyone's always so…" Itachi scratched his cheek with a sad laugh, "so sure I'll be fine with everything I do. The fact you worry...that you see my flaws…" He left it at that.

"Well of course. You're not so perfect. You're picky and weird. Shall I get my list?" Kokoa cracked a grin. "I worry because you're my best friend and this is something new for you. I worry because regardless of how awesome you are, you're still human. I worry because -" She swallowed hard.  _Because I love you._ "Because...I don't want to put up with your whining if you get your butt kicked."

"Hn, thank you, Kokoa. I appreciate your kind words."

"Hai, hai." She stared at her feet. "Does this mean we'll get even less time together?"

"Maybe." His smile faded. "But I'll make time. I'll figure something out. I won't just forget you, even though you're sooo beneath me now."

"Hey! I'm trying! I may not be ANBU, but I'm good – "

"Yes." He stepped closer. "You're more than good. Don't you ever forget it. One day everyone will appreciate your abilities. One day I'll need you. I'm counting on you, Kokoa."

 

Kokoa strolled through Konoha with a tiny box in hand and the slightest bounce in her step. She paused, blinking to make sure that it in fact was Itachi walking her way.

"Kokoa?"

"I was wondering where you'd be, Itachi-san," she said. "I was bored and thought I'd try making some monaka." She held out the box of sweets, wafers stuffed with an azuki bean filling. "Some are a little messy, but they taste great - or - to me at least."

"Arigato, Kokoa. But I can't right now." He gently pushed the box back towards her. "I was just assigned my first mission as ANBU. Top secret. I have to meet up with Kakashi-san."

"Oh." She held the container to her chest. "Of course, of course. Your first mission, huh?"

"Hai. I'm truly sorry. I don't mean to deny the gift. Save them for when I get back?" He started walking.

"Sure, sure. Maybe I'll make something fresh." She managed a smile. "Be careful, Itachi-san."

"Arigato, Kokoa." He was gone.

 

Kakashi and the young Itachi hid up between the winding branches of a tree, keeping an eye on the Konoha team they were to protect and waiting for the enemy to show.

"People are surprised you're part of ANBU." Kakashi broke the silence.

"It's because of my age," Itachi said.

"That and...you're not like others. And by that I don't mean your abilities. You're strong, there's no doubt about it."

"So then…?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling." Kakashi rubbed his face with a sigh. "I meant to ask you, who is that girl you're often with? You ran into her before coming to meet me, no?"

"Oh, Kuroki Kokoa," Itachi said with the tiniest of smiles. "She's my best friend. Well, Uchiha Shisui is, though he's more of a brother."

"Kuroki, huh?"

"What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just her father was a powerful and dangerous shinobi that Danzo-sama wasn't too fond of."

"Kokoa never knew her parents. She doesn't know anything about them." He glanced away sadly.

"She doesn't know anything?" Kakashi asked.

"Nothing."

"I see." Kakashi decided to drop the subject. The last thing he needed was the Uchiha digging around for answers, answers that even Kakashi himself didn't have. "Hey, let's get ready. We should be off soon."

 

By the end of the mission, enemy shinobi littered the ground, some dead, others injured and defeated, and while the normal Konoha squad was content, ANBU were ordered to ensure total annihilation. Pulling out his small blade, Itachi moved to each body, finishing off any survivors. He paused before the last one, gazing down at him with hooded eyes. Who was he to take a life? A child, yes, but he was also a shinobi, Uchiha Itachi of Konoha, and by being so, he vowed to protect the village no matter the cost; swore to protect it for those he loved. He adjusted his mask before delivering the final blow.

"Not to worry, Captain," he said, confronting Kakashi and Gai, who was part of the basic squad. He tightened a bloodied fist around the red stained blade. "No enemy survivors remain."

 

"Good job, Itachi," Kakashi said. "I'm going to report to Danzo-sama. Your part of the mission is over."

Itachi watched the Copy Ninja disappear. He looked down at his hands, open palms facing up. The very hands which took lives protected them just the same. He tore his eyes away with a frustrated grunt. Perhaps Kokoa was more worried about what ANBU would do to his mind and heart rather than Itachi's physical body. He understood the darkness ANBU and Root carried in their hearts, what it meant to obey and fulfill any and all orders.

"Danzo...sama..." The old man had recommended Itachi, said he was Konoha's eyes and ears within the Uchiha, and now he knew Danzo may have had dealings with Kokoa's father. Konoha pulled from one side, and Fugaku and his clan pulled the other. Already, Itachi felt himself split. The weight on his shoulders and in his heart grew heavier, and he couldn't shake the feeling that things would only get worse.

 

Itachi sat in the grass, knees up to his chest, chewing on one of the monaka wafers Kokoa made before he set out on his mission. She insisted on making something new upon his return, but he insisted they were fine and she didn't have to go out of her way for something so simple. The box of sweets sat beside him as he ate one after the other.

"I know you like sweets, but I'm starting to think you're a nervous eater, Itachi-san," Kokoa said, lying on her back a few feet from his right.

"What do you mean?" He licked a bit of filling off his thumb.

"Something's troubling you."

"Oh no, there's nothing –"

"Come on. Can't fool me, I-ta-chi-kun." Kokoa rolled over onto her stomach. She shut her eyes at the warm breeze. "What is it?" she said softly. Itachi said nothing, focusing on his cookie instead. "Is it ANBU? Do I have to beat someone up? Because I will!" She sat up, legs crossed, eyes on him. Itachi never looked her way, shoulders hunched, swallowing his snack. Kokoa crawled over and knelt beside him with her hands in her lap.

"Itachi-san?" she said. He finally faced her, gently brushing part of his bangs behind an ear. "Did something happen? You can tell me."

"I'm…tired is all. Just tired."

"What of?"

"Hm?"

"You don't mean the normal sort of tired," she said.

"How do you know?"

"I just do. I can – I can feel it. You're…you're sad."

"ANBU is different. A lot more different than what we're used to."

"I see."

"I have ANBU telling me what to do on one end, and my father doing the same on the other."

"So it's the Hokage and the Uchiha both fighting over you."

"In a way, yeah. And my clan doesn't have the best of relationships with the higher ups. It's messy business, and I'm getting to see it up close for the first time."

"Is something going to happen?"

"No. Not now at least. I honestly don't know what's to come."

"Well you can't see the future, even with those fancy eyes."

"You never know until you try, right?" He turned away with a quiet laugh. "Mmm, Kokoa?"

"Naaaani?" She leaned back for a more comfortable seat.

"You said you never knew your parents. So you don't know anything?"

"Like I told you a long time ago, I only know they were killed in action. I...I wish I knew more, but there's nothing." She sighed sadly. "Why ask all of a sudden?"

"I was just thinking how I told you you'd find the answer one day. Now that I'm ANBU, I thought I could help."

"Really!" She nearly fell over. "Itachi-san, if you can - that would be - I'd owe you!"

"I'd do it because it's you, Kokoa. You don't owe me anything. You deserve to know."

"Still."

"I'll have to see if I can. It may not be so easy. I'll do what I can though."

"Arigato. Just the thought of it - thank you, Itachi-san."

"Ah." He stared off into the distance, a silence hanging over the two friends. "Hey, want to spar?"

"Sure. It's been a while," she said, jumping to her feet. "Maybe I can finally beat you in tai-jutsu since gen-jutsu is out of the question."

"Your gen-jutsu isn't that bad, Kokoa."

"Yeah, but compared to yours, it's sad really. Besides, I prefer hand to hand combat. If I ever beat you, it'll be with my fists!"

"Oh? Bring it on then, Kuroki."

"As you wish, Uchiha."

 

"What has you so anxious?" Mikoto asked, stepping over to her husband. She glanced over to make sure their bedroom door was shut. "Is it Itachi being an ANBU?"

"Part of it, but…"

"But?" She nudged him playfully. Fugaku sighed and made his way over to his side of the bed. Mikoto followed, crawling in beside him. She stared at him until he sighed again and shook his head at her.

"He's been with that girl again."

"Dear, they've been friends since the academy. Did you think he stopped seeing her?"

"Well no, but sometimes it feels like he's with her more than he should be."

"They're just friends. They spar. Sasuke goes out with them a lot too. Why so upset about it?"

"I'm not upset about him having a friend. If anything, I'm surprised Itachi's so close to someone other than Shisui. It's just - well she's Kuroki."

"You never told me the whole story about that." Mikoto inched closer, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Her father, Akihiko, wasn't a fan of Konoha, and the elders didn't like him much either. We Uchiha already have our own issues with Konoha. If Itachi gets involved with her it'll just bring us more trouble and suspicion. It's nothing personal against her. I'm sure she's a fine shinobi. She must be. Her father was quite the man."

"But Dear, she's not her father. He's dead, right? She's just a poor little girl who seems to be a good friend of Itachi's. You know our son has trouble making friends. He's always been a little off. This is good for him."

"You just want to find him a girlfriend, don't you?" Fugaku said.

"I mean I wouldn't complain if it happened." She giggled into her hand. "Our Itachi is a good boy. He's working hard for you. Let him have his friends. If anything regarding the Kuroki girl happens, then you can intervene."

"Tch, you're too soft, Mikoto."

"You're too stubborn."

"Oi, I'm not against him having friends. I just don't want any trouble from Konoha. They'll jump at any chance to cause us Uchiha trouble. Akihiko's child could be it."

"I understand. We'll have to wait and see. Nothing's happened yet, right? No need to stress yourself out more. You have other things to manage."

"I suppose you're right."

"Come on. Get some rest while you can."

 

Shisui spotted his friend sitting with a few weapons spread out before him. He strolled over and stuck a hand in Itachi's hair.

"I'm so proud of you, working so hard, Tachi," he said. Itachi swatted his hand away.

"Must you always do that?" He fiddled with his ponytail.

"Yes." Shisui sat across from him, chin in hand, smiling at the younger Uchiha. "I meant to ask you something a while ago."

"Oh yeah?"

"Like a super long time ago. I'm talking years, Tachi."

"Ok?" Itachi set his kunai down.

"Who have you replaced me with?"  
"Replaced you? What are saying, Shisui?"

"Your other friend, Itachi. Sometimes you're with her more than me." Shisui crossed his arms with a pout.

"She hasn't replaced you, Shisui," Itachi said with a sigh. "We've been friends for years. You just now realized?"

"No, I said I've been meaning to ask you for a while now."

"She's just a good friend. She doesn't have any family or anyone around, so sometimes I spend more time with her because...well no one wants to be alone." He picked up another kunai. "And Sasuke loves her too."

"Why don't you bring her around here more then?"

"She's not an Uchiha."

"You're right. Fugaku would have a fit if some girl was creeping around." Shisui shook his head. "I guess I can't blame you. What's her name at least?"

"Kokoa." He smiled at her name.

"Will I ever get to meet this mysterious kunoichi?"

"I'm sure some day."

"Itachi, you kill me. She must be pretty darn cool if she's hogging all of your attention." Shisui picked up a shuriken, twirling it around a finger. Itachi snatched it away from him, teasingly sticking his tongue out at him. He dropped it back with his other tools.

"She is. She really is."


	56. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we continue with the Kazekage Rescue arc!
> 
> Thank you for reading and checking out the Facebook page. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

They ran, Kakashi leading the way. The terrible weight in Kokoa's gut grew heavier with each step. Back in the trees, she had sensed Zetsu, though she was unaware; however, after one step, two steps, three, a familiar feeling overwhelmed her. Her heart skipped a beat. A scorching heat swallowed her. And she could not move. She could not breathe.

"Everyone, stop!" Kakashi shouted, throwing out his arms. Naruto, Sakura, and Chiyo obeyed, coming to a halt beside the jonin. They eyed the figure before them, a fellow of average height cloaked in black and crimson clouds. Dark bangs tickled his face, and dangerous eyes gazed back at them. Kokoa stood frozen behind the others, voice caught in her throat.

"Who…" Sakura asked, swallowing hard, "who is that?"

"Already, huh?" Kakashi said, still staring ahead.

 _'Those eyes...'_ Chiyo tilted her head. Naruto stepped forward with a tight jaw and even tighter fists.

"You," he said. "Uchiha Itachi."

 _'Th - this man is -'_ Sakura stiffened. _'This man is Uchiha Itachi!'_ She spun around, meeting Kokoa with a nasty face. Chiyo casually glanced back at the Kuroki. Naruto and Kakashi couldn't help but do the same, all waiting for what she'd do next, but Kokoa still couldn't move. She stood almost frightened, with an uncomfortable expression and a hand twisting the fabric at her heart. She set out on this mission knowing running into Itachi was possible, but for it to truly happen, to stand there, to see the man she still loved dearly after all those years…

"Itachi, eh?" Chiyo said, turning back to him. "So this is him? The kid who singlehandedly wiped out his entire clan?" She stole another glance at Kokoa. "I wonder…"

 _'The same sharingan as Sasuke-kun's.'_ Sakura gritted her teeth. _'This is the man who made Naruto and Sasuke-kun suffer all this time! The man Kokoa still loves! The one she abandoned Sasuke-kun for!'_  

"You bastard!" Naruto stepped forward with a nasty face. "Not just me, but Gaara too!" Kokoa finally caught her breath, but had yet to set eyes on Itachi. She felt him, but the taller Kakashi had been blocking her view. Naruto aimed a finger. "I'm going to kick all your asses!"

"It's been some time, Kakashi-san, Naruto-kun." The Uchiha finally spoke with that same cool, controlled tone of his. And that did it, was enough to snap Kokoa out of her little episode. His voice. She straightened up, and Sakura noticed.

"What are you thinking? If you try anything…" She pulled out a kunai. "If you try something, I'll -"

"You'll what?" Kokoa said, as cold as ever. Her determination returned. Her courage, her confidence, and the desire to hear Itachi's truth. She moved, stepping past Sakura without batting an eye, and walked up beside Kakashi.

"Kokoa," he said with a warning. She held up a hand, silencing him, pushing him back, and stood, staring into strained sharingan that stared back. For a moment, no one else existed, only Uchiha and Kuroki; two gentle souls torn and destroyed by the wickedness of the world. And each took the other in without hesitation, without shame, desperately hanging on to every detail, burning them into their memory for those cold, lonely nights; Itachi's larger figure, his matured face so similar to his father's, his framing bangs and how they danced in the wind; Kokoa's long, sleek hair, the fire in her electric blue eyes, the way her uniform dipped and rounded at each curve, each perfect curve of that body he yearned to feel.

Itachi, however, never broke composure. Kokoa, on the other hand, struggled for a moment against her tears, and she feared her voice would crack should she try to speak. But she never backed down. Never turned away.

"What is she doing, Kakashi-san?" Sakura said, nudging her sensei. He shrugged, just as anxious as the others. Kokoa bit at her lip, debating her next move. It seemed Sakura and Chiyo would not drop their suspicion. And though they were friends, Kakashi and Naruto couldn't stand there and let Itachi do as he pleased. She had to act. And quick.

Without warning, Kokoa dashed straight towards Itachi, surprising even him.

"Kokoa-chan!" Naruto started, but Kakashi held him back. "She needs help!"

"I'm not sure what she needs, Naruto. Don't be hasty."

"We need a plan and quick. If she sides with him, things could get ugly," Sakura said.

"Side with him? She wouldn't...would she?" Naruto watched Kokoa attack. She threw a punch, but Itachi dodged. She crouched low to kick his feet out from under him, but he jumped. She threw another punch, but he caught her fist and stepped close, so close, eyes never leaving hers.

"Is this how you greet someone?" he said, almost whispered. She couldn't hold back the soft gasp that slipped her lips. "I told you last time I'd kill you if you got in my way again."

"Then do it," she said, unwavering. Itachi glanced away with a _tch._ "I'm not here to fight you, Itachi-san. I only want to talk – "

"Talk? Again? I don't have time for your games."

"I told you I wouldn't give up, not until I heard it all from your own mouth."

"You think I'm going to stand here and chat while your friends try to take me down?"

"I'm on your side," she said. "I've always been."

"You wouldn't risk blowing your cover," he said, eyeing her Suna hiti-ate. "Rumor has it you transferred to Sunagakure for a fresh start. How's that going for you?" He let go only to grab her by the collar. "Myself and Akatsuki have more things to worry about than silly little girls, Kokoa. There's no time for games – "

"I'm not playing." She attacked again, proving she wouldn't give up. Hesitant, Itachi moved more seriously, dodging one last attack before knocking her back with a hard kick to the stomach. Kokoa dropped to her knees, gasping.

"Kokoa!" Naruto faced Itachi. "I'll kill you!"

"Hn." This time, Itachi acted, formed a seal and held it, watching the team's every move.

"Everyone! Don't look directly into his eyes or you're finished!" Kakashi yelled. "Itachi's genjutsu are eye techniques. In other words, they take effect through your vision. You're fine as long as your eyes don't meet."

"So then how are we supposed to fight him?" Sakura asked.

"Focus on his feet and body, and attack on how he moves," he said. "It's tough, but pay attention. Kokoa's mastered it, and I've gotten used to it."

Kokoa picked herself up and dusted the dirt from her shoulders. She noticed the others discussing ways to take him down. Itachi noticed Kokoa back on her feet, though he refrained from attacking with any form of jutsu. She wouldn't charge right away, and if she did, he knew she meant no harm. And perhaps that's what bothered Itachi most in that moment, that Kokoa truly was still on his side. She only attacked to get his attention, to ward off suspicion from the others.

Seeing her again after his last visit, the night in her bedroom when he shed tears over her while she slept, what he thought was their final farewell...he didn't think they'd meet again, certainly not like this. And though back then he would have given anything to break open to her, to confess, to fall apart in her arms, he had changed, hardened, believed in his heart and mind that they would never get their happy ending. They would never watch the sun set. And even if any feelings managed to surface, he would play it off as lust and nothing more.  

"It's not so simple," Kakashi said about Chiyo's plan to distract Itachi and hit him from behind. "He uses the Mangekyo sharingan, an eye technique far more powerful than a normal sharingan. You suffer the full effect of his genjutsu the second you're caught. While it feels like a second to everyone else, it can feel like hours or days for the one that's trapped in his illusion. I was lost in his phantom world for three days and ended up unconscious for a week."

"Impressive as always, Kakashi-san," Itachi said. "You learned that much from just one encounter of my Tsukuyomi."

"I'm not done yet," the Copy Ninja said. "After using that technique, you were tired and retreated. Aside from using chakra, the technique poses a huge risk to your eyes, right, Itachi?"

Kokoa listened, knowing all too well the effects and risks of the sharingan. Had they started? Was Itachi no longer at 100%?

"An impressive analysis for having only seen it once," the Uchiha said.

"Tell me, Itachi," Kakashi lifted his forehead protector, "how bad has your eyesight gotten?"

"Tch." Itachi flinched the slightest bit, startled by how much Kakashi knew. He had only ever told Kokoa in secret, and even then, didn't go into too much detail about the dōjutsu. He shut his eyes. "Kakashi-san, you couldn't have…" Itachi slowly lifted his head.

"I may have let my guard down last time, but I'm no slouch, you know," Kakashi said.

"The same goes for me too. You're making a big mistake if you think I'm the same as last time!" Naruto pointed to himself with a grin. "And Kokoa-chan has changed too! Things are different now." Once again, all eyes drifted to the girl. She met Kakashi with her own warning this time. He knew better than to cause any damage. If he hurt a hair on Itachi's head…

"Kakashi-san," she said, struggling to find the right words.

 "This time, Naruto, I'm going to need you to back me up," Kakashi said, flashing Kokoa an apologetic look.

"Ah." The blond nodded. They positioned themselves and waited. Itachi realized battle was inevitable. He was sent there after all to fight off the enemy. He glanced at Kokoa, the unmoving girl racked with conflict. Perhaps avoiding battle would be best for her. If she didn't fight she wouldn't have to betray either side. He could do at least that much for her.

"Are we going to start things?" he said dully.

"You ready, Sensei?" Naruto said. Kakashi nodded.

"Though I can't have someone who knows all my secrets help you." And before they could act, Itachi had two fingers casually pointed at Kokoa, though no one but the Kuroki and Uchiha knew he had cast a genjutsu, one that paralyzed her, kept her out of the way and out of trouble. "It's time for you to come with me, Naruto-kun." This time Itachi pointed a single finger at Naruto, though again, no one knew what he had cast. Naruto was stuck in the genjutsu, tormented by his past, his guilt, by Itachi. What felt like hours for Naruto, was only a second in real time.

Kokoa tried to move but couldn't. Opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her heart raced, and sweat inched down her face, but she could not break the invisible shackles holding her down. Sakura freed Naruto from the illusion, and he was soon back on his feet and ready.

 "Follow my lead!" Kakashi charged. Itachi acted quick, forming the seals for,

"Katon: Housenka no Jutsu."

"He dodged!" Sakura said, looking up to see Kakashi had jumped out of the way.

"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu." Itachi sent the ball of fire spiraling towards the group. He stole another glance at Kokoa. The genjutsu kept her in place, but everything she saw was real, including a safe Kakashi emerging from the smoke with a Chidori crackling in his hand. But as he charged, and as Itachi easily dodged, Kokoa noticed Naruto with a Rasengan high up in the air.

"Itachi-san! Above you!" she shouted. "Above you! Look!" But no one paid any attention. No one heard her, silenced by the genjutsu. "Naruto, stop! Please!" It went on like that for a few minutes, Naruto and Kakashi launching attack after attack, Kokoa calling out to Itachi to no avail. It wasn't until Kakashi charged with another attack and she noticed Naruto waiting for his cue, that Kokoa broke. She shut her eyes, focused, and with everything in her, emitted a large flow of chakra, more than she thought she was capable of, enough to dispel the genjutsu.

Just as Itachi dodged Kakashi and Naruto neared with another Rasengan and was sure to land a hit, Kokoa shifted on her feet and hared over, throwing herself before the Uchiha. Naruto cursed in midair and maneuvered to miss her just in time. He fell, hard.

"What the hell, Kokoa!" He started towards her, but Kakashi grabbed him, dragging him back a few feet. Sakura and Chiyo jogged over to the boys. Kokoa stood in front of her beloved, arms outstretched, eyes cold, so cold.

"Kokoa, what are you doing?" Kakashi asked. Itachi only watched. "Kokoa, don't do anything rash."

"Can't you tell, Sensei?" Sakura said.

"I admit, I'm a little surprised," Chiyo added. "I didn't think you'd be so open with your betrayal." 

"Kokoa-chan, what's happening? Is this a genjutsu? It has to be!"

"It's not, Naruto," Kokoa said finally. "Not this time." She took a more combative stance, her favorite for taijutsu.

"Kokoa, whose side are you on?" Kakashi took one step.

"Not Akatsuki's, if that's what you're all thinking!" She raised her arms a bit. "I want to save Gaara just as badly as Naruto."

"Your actions tell us otherwise," Chiyo said.

"Kokoa, you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do, Kakashi! There's no other way. I need this. You know that. You told me you understood. Don't turn on me, not after all this time."

"I'm not turning on you. But you can't do this. Not now. Gaara is our goal. You haven't forgotten, have you?"

"Of course not!"

"Itachi is keeping us from getting to him. Right now, regardless of your own goals, he's the enemy. Kokoa, don't…please." Kakashi held up his hands, pleading with the girl, afraid she'd ruin things, afraid she'd get herself killed. He knew she needed to speak with Itachi, but if they didn't finish things quick, the situation could worsen, and he had a team to protect. "Kokoa –"

"I won't let you touch him," she said in a hiss. "You won't have control over my life. Not anymore. I'm done with Konoha! Itachi-san is my business, not yours! I decide!" She clenched her jaw in an attempt to calm herself. Kokoa noticed from the very start, when he blocked her punch and grabbed her, that it was not the real Itachi, at least not his body. But this was her only chance to speak to him. She knew he was watching, listening somehow, and she'd do anything to keep her hopes of hearing his truth in that moment alive.

"It is our business! He's after Naruto! He hurt Sasuke-kun! You're throwing everything away for a monster like him!" Sakura yelled, pointing at kunai at them. "He's a wanted criminal."

"Throwing everything away? I don't have anything anymore. I told you, I lost it all a long time ago."

"You're sick! I told you I'd put an end to this, for Sasuke-kun's sake! If I can't kill him," she stepped towards them, glaring at Itachi before shifting her gaze back to Kokoa. "I'll kill you!" And Sakura dashed towards them with that look in her eyes, the look Kokoa could not bear, the look that made her want to crawl inside herself and hide from the world; hatred and blame.

"Sakura, stop!"

"Sakura-chan!"

"I'm finishing this!" Haruno leapt and pulled back an arm. Kokoa widened her stance, ready to block the hit, but she had not seen Sakura in action before, especially after training under Tsunade. As she neared, it was then that Kokoa noticed the chakra concentrated in Sakura's fist, and her eyes widened in knowing there was no escaping it. She held up her arms, bracing herself for the powerful hit, but...it never came.

She peeled open her eyes only to see Itachi's fingers tight around Sakura's wrist, so tight the girl cried out in pain. He gave it another good twist before kicking her back. Naruto jumped forward to catch her.

"Sakura-chan? Hey, you're ok." He sat her up. Chiyo furrowed her brow at the scene. Turning to face Itachi, Kokoa still hadn't registered what happened. He stopped Sakura. But why?

"What is this?" Kakashi asked. "What's going on?"

"If anyone kills Kuroki Kokoa, it will be me," Itachi said. Kokoa blinked hard, but before she had a chance to process his words, she found herself in another dimension, another world, similar to where she met her father, only this world wasn't white. It was dull, a heavy charcoal. She walked a bit, footsteps echoing, and for a while was alone in the genjutsu, until she came to a stop and lowered her head with a soft,

"Please."

"I told you I didn't have time for this, Kokoa," Itachi said, fading in to stand before her. She looked up with wide eyes, silent for a moment.

"Why did you stop her?" she asked.

"You stopped Naruto."

"That's different. You say you don't have time for this, but you go and pull stunts like that."

"If anyone kills you, it'll be me, to make sure you can't interfere anymore."

"Genjutsu, huh?" She looked around.

"Don't act so surprised. This was your plan all along, Kokoa. You've been trying to get caught in my sharingan from the very start. Why?"

"To talk. All I want is to talk."

"We talked last time. Nothing's changed. I have nothing to do with Konohagakure. And I have nothing to do with you."

"If you would just listen –"

"Stop wasting my time."

"Give me a chance –"

"What do you hope to gain by all this, Kokoa?" Itachi said, voice sharp. "You think everything goes back to how it was? You think we'll fall in love and run off together? You think just because you can't let go of the past, that I'm the same?" Kokoa said nothing. "I wiped my hands clean of you and that village a long time ago. Why do you keep coming back?"

"You won't listen –"

"Are you delusional –"

"Itachi! Listen to me!" And he did, falling quiet, surprised by the lack of honorifics. Kokoa always, _always_ addressed him with _san_ or _kun._ Their absence, her anger, the change he saw in her…

"Itachi-san, please," she said, meeting his eyes. He swallowed hard, though, she didn't notice.

"How do you plan on getting out of this? Even if I don't kill you now, you have four shinobi out there who are convinced you've sided with me. What are you doing, Kokoa? I doubt this is all part of your fresh start."

"How did you know I moved to Sunagakure?"

"Word spreads fast. You're quite famous. If people don't know you because of what I did, they know you because of your father. You can't escape it, Kokoa. No matter where you go. They say I'm a monster, but it seems you're no different."

"Looking at you now that you're older, you look more like your father," she said with a sad smile. It hurt. Struck him in the chest, in his heart. "My father...you never told me how much you knew."

"I didn't know anything until I left," he said. "It's not like it mattered. I have no business with him. There's no point in telling you either."

"My father, Itachi-san, was murdered. His assassination carried out while he was on a mission. Literally stabbed in the back. And my mother was killed not long after to keep her quiet. All ordered, all of it taken away from me by…" She clenched her fists, a darkness in her eyes Itachi had never before seen. "Shimura Danzo." And that alone nearly knocked Itachi to his knees. Danzo had stripped the girl of her parents, of her family, of love, and she still had no clue what he had done to Itachi. He and Shisui were right then, all those years ago when they found Akihiko's document. He was killed out of fear, and Kokoa was monitored all her life because of how powerful and hated her father was. Itachi now clenched his own fists, jaw tight, seething.

"How do you know all this? Your parents died when you were an infant."

"I met my father, you see."

"Kokoa, you're out of your mind –"

"He came to me! In my head, It was a jutsu triggered when I was at the lowest point in my life. He gave me some chakra when I was a baby. That's how it happened. I'm not crazy! I wouldn't lie to you."

"And how low was this point in your life?" Itachi said with an uninterested sigh to keep up his act.

"Sasuke left…" She looked away. "I tracked down Orochimaru and offered to take Sasuke's place, but he wouldn't listen. They threw me in jail, and Sasuke left, and you were still gone…"

"You're not so naïve anymore, Kokoa. But you're still a fool. Why do you go out of your way? What are you doing?"

"You told me a long time ago, Itachi-san, that in time I would learn what happened to my parents. And I did. You kept your promise. That's why I'm here. Because I'm keeping mine."   


	57. Uchiha Itachi ~ Love of the Heart #57

"My father, Itachi-san, was murdered. His assassination carried out while he was on a mission. Literally stabbed in the back. And my mother was killed not long after to keep her quiet. All ordered, all of it taken away from me by…" She clenched her fists, a darkness in her eyes Itachi had never before seen. "Shimura Danzo." And that alone nearly knocked Itachi to his knees. Danzo had stripped the girl of her parents, of her family, of love, and she still had no clue what he had done to Itachi. He and Shisui were right then, all those years ago when they found Akihiko's document. He was killed out of fear, and Kokoa was monitored all her life because of how powerful and hated her father was. Itachi now clenched his own fists, jaw tight, seething.

"How do you know all this? Your parents died when you were an infant."

"I met my father, you see."

"Kokoa, you're out of your mind -"

"He came to me! In my head. It was a jutsu triggered when I was at the lowest point in my life. He gave me some chakra when I was a baby. That's how it happened. I'm not crazy! I wouldn't lie to you."

"And how low was this point in your life?" Itachi said with a sigh to keep up his act.

"Sasuke left…" She looked away. "I tracked down Orochimaru and offered to take Sasuke's place, but he wouldn't listen. They threw me in jail, and Sasuke left, and you were still gone…"

"You're not so naive anymore, Kokoa. But you're still a fool. Why do you go out of your way? What are you doing?"

"You told me a long time ago, Itachi-san, that in time I would learn what happened to my parents. And I did. You kept your promise. That's why I'm here. Because I'm keeping mine."   

"Promise? What promise? The one where you said you'd keep Sasuke safe?" he said. "That didn't work out, did it?"

"It's not my fault he left!"

"Yeah? Whose then?"

"It's –" She bit her lip. Even then, she would not blame Itachi. "No one's fault. It was his choice. I had to let him go. He left to do what he needed. It's time I did the same."

"My foolish little brother doesn't know what he's gotten himself into. He's worse than you. Impulsive. Blinded by his emotions."

"My father was a dangerous man. Feared and hated for his ability, even by some of his own kin. But he didn't have any normal jutsu, you see." Kokoa changed the subject.

"Why are you telling me this, Kokoa? I don't care."

"The Kuroki was a clan once, with a kekkei genkai that manifested differently in everyone, all various ways to read people. My father had a gift...and a curse, able to read minds. The ultimate technique, wouldn't you say, Itachi-san? Predicting an enemy's actions before they even blink," she said. Itachi eyed her, a bad feeling settling in his gut in knowing where she was going.

"My father told me that as strong as he was, there was another form of the kekkei genkai, a stronger one that had not been seen in a long time. The one I have," she said.

"So you're special now?" Itachi remembered the document, remembered deciphering bits of it with Shisui, remembered the small section about a rare form of the Kuroki's ability, the one he now knew for sure Kokoa had. He never forgot the information, always kept it close in his mind after returning the paper to her, in case they ever met again. He couldn't let Kokoa read him. He absolutely wouldn't.

"Special? No. I just know who I am now. I had a mother who loved me dearly, and a father who would have killed to protect me. I have a name to carry. I have a kekkei genkai that will show me your truth since you refuse to tell me."

"Oh?"

"A skilled enough shinobi can control his thoughts. There are also jutsu you can cast on others, a sort of mental lock, to keep them quiet, but no matter how hard you try, even the toughest of ninja can't control what's in their heart. And that's what I can see."

"Hearts? Hard to believe –"

"I always knew when you were sad," she said, stepping closer. "I always saw it in you. I knew when you were hiding things from me. I knew when you were conflicted, when you felt guilty, when you lied. You always lied, Itachi-san. I knew when you did, even to spare my feelings...I knew." Itachi only stared back at her. "I played dumb for your sake, pretended I didn't notice to ease your guilt. You were always so kind." She glanced away sadly. "I have always been empathetic, painfully so. I've always seen the rawness of people's hearts, their truth, and it's time, after all that's happened, I see yours."

"There's nothing to see, Kokoa.

"There is! The night you told me we couldn't be together anymore, there was something in your eyes as you turned away from me! And when we met years later, you hesitated to kill me despite me standing there begging you to! And even now! You've said time and time again you'd kill me, but you won't! There's something in you, something holding you back. There's more to your story, I KNOW.

Danzo took my father from me. And he and Sarutobi blamed me for everything. I can't trust what they said about you, about the massacre. I can't. I can't! I won't." She took another step and grabbed him by the collar. "You can tell me, Itachi-san. You can tell me. I'm on your side," she said softly. "I said I'd never turn my back on you. I promised Shisui I'd always be there for you." Itachi shut his eyes. _Shisui_. He opened them, sharingan still there, still threatening. Itachi grabbed both her wrists.

"None of this means anything," he said, tightening his grip. "If you can't walk away from someone who doesn't want you, that's your own fault."

"Don't lie to me. Not now. Not again."

"Go ahead then, if you know so much, Kokoa. Take a look." He leaned closer, so close, his nose brushing hers. "Read my heart." And Kokoa tried, trembling in his hold. She had been trying ever since he dragged her into the genjutsu, but there was nothing, not even the darkness he spoke of. Itachi had gone to great lengths to counter her ability. Lied to himself, convinced himself there would be no happy ending, killed what hope lingered in his heart. He did not want Sasuke. He did not want Kokoa. He was Akatsuki, numb to everything else. He was the criminal everyone made him out to be; the dangerous, the shameless, remorseless. ' _Even lies become truth if you stick to them indefinitely.'_ That sharingan of his also helped.

"Well, Kokoa?" He tightened his grip on her once again. She winced in pain, but never looked away. "What can you see with those _fancy eyes of yours?_ "

She gasped, tears welling. He released a wrist and grabbed her by the neck instead, fingers pressing hard against her pulse.

"I was kind enough to spare you all that time ago. I was kind enough to give you a chance to walk away. I pitied you, a miserable, orphaned girl." She shut her eyes, shuddering at his breath against her cheek with each word he spoke. "You were useful to me then, but now you're just in the way. The same miserable girl, of course. The same fool I deceived. The delusional Kuroki child who now thinks she's her father. Hn, I still pity you. Perhaps that's why I haven't killed you yet."

He stepped forward, pushing her down with a hand still around her throat. "You think you know everything, Kokoa. You think you know me, but you don't. You know the _me_ I wanted you to know. Everything that's happened thus far happened according to my plan. You were merely a tool, a piece in my game."

"I – I don't believe you," Kokoa managed between coughing, clawing at his arm.

"Oh?"

"I know you, Itachi-san."

"No. You really don't."

"P – please…" He lowered her to her knees.

"Give up, Kokoa. Let it go."

"I – I can't."

"Why?" And he immediately regretted asking.

"Because I –" But he pressed harder, choking her. Tears fell from her sad blue eyes, and though she knew it was genjutsu, she feared she really was suffocating. Kokoa squirmed beneath him, still clawing – tugging, pulling, yanking at his sleeve, trying to get a grip, to lift herself up, but he kept pushing her back down. Kokoa struggled and struggled to breathe, to confess one last thing before succumbing fully to the illusion.

"Because I lov –" The ground beneath her disappeared, and she fell into darkness, the air leaving her lungs. Blind, deaf, falling, still falling, she tried to scream, but like before, no sound came out. Endless, it felt endless, until everything came to a sudden halt, and she slipped into shackles, metal cuffed tight around her wrists and ankles. It was too dark to see, but she heard the clinking of chains each time she shook an arm. Something cold and thick slithered down her face. Then she felt it at her neck and along her arms; everywhere.

Suddenly, she could breathe, and she screamed. Loud. So loud it hurt. So loud even Itachi flinched, wherever he was hiding. With a snap of his fingers, light returned, a dim light, but light nonetheless.

Kokoa brought a hand to her face. Pulling away, she gazed at the smeared red between her fingers. Blood. She tugged at the chains again, grunting, on the verge of crying.

"Itach –"

"So fearless before. What happened?" he said, appearing before her. "You think you know me, but you don't. You pretend you understand, but you're afraid, just like everyone else." She shut her eyes, biting her lip. "Telling yourself it's only genjutsu won't help."

"Stop."

"Because everything I've said is real."

"Stop. Please."

"Everything you feel is real."

"Itachi-san –"

"Everything you're about to see…is real." The world shifted again, spiraled, and Kokoa found herself at the Uchiha compound. Though the chains were gone, she was paralyzed again, forced to witness what was to unfold. She gazed up at the moon, the moon she never really forgot.

"No," she said. "No, no, no. Itachi-san, please." Her heart beat fast, loud, slamming against her. And a sickness overwhelmed her.

"You refuse to believe what happened," Itachi said, voice an echo. She glanced around but was unable to find him. "So, Kokoa, I'm going to show you."

"Don't! Please! Please -" He silenced her again, voice gone. Kokoa saw the blood spattered walls, the lifeless bodies, the carnage. Itachi gracefully wielding his blade. Sasuke crying at his parents' bodies. Kokoa watched in silence with heavy eyes, hot tears falling. This was the nightmare which haunted Sasuke all those years, the reason the child was afraid to shut his eyes at night, why he gave up everything to end the man who caused it.

Kokoa had made it this far without ever really knowing what happened the night of the massacre, the gruesome details. But for turning her back on Konoha and giving Sasuke a hard time by going after his brother, she figured she deserved to witness the tragedy. It was only fair that it haunted her too, a reminder why no one would ever understand her love for _the_ Uchiha Itachi.

"You pushed your way into the Uchiha, thought you understood the conflict of old clans and their tradition, believed or so badly wanted to believe you had family. My mother, my father, Shisui, Sasuke. I took them away from you…just like Danzo took your father."

Itachi knew he had gone too far, but showing Kokoa, scaring her would keep her away; finally convince her he was not the same boy she loved. Itachi knew little about Akihiko, but he now knew Kokoa's love and admiration for her father, and by digging enough around in her head, he managed to piece him together, managed to recreate an image of Akihiko, a bit distorted, but still recognizable. And it disturbed Kokoa, how Itachi was able to find all of that, to have Akihiko stand there face to face with her.

She noticed the paralysis was gone when she extended an arm, reaching out to grab her father's hand. Her fingers moved through him. Not flesh and bone, Kokoa could not hold Akihiko. Itachi, still hiding somewhere in that genjutsu, watched her with sad eyes; the girl so desperate to love and be loved. She truly was alone, and it broke the Uchiha's heart to see her so wretched, aching to love her father. For a moment it seemed his tactic worked, that Kokoa was about to crack, but as she gazed into Akihiko's eyes, she remembered their conversation. She remembered her father. Kokoa lowered her gaze.

"Everyone feared and hated my father," she said. "But when I met him, I saw – I saw love in him. I did not fear him." Akihiko crumbled, his figure blown away by a sudden wind. Itachi took his place, eyes narrowed. Why couldn't he break her? "Everyone fears and hates you, but when we meet, I see the kind boy I once knew." She leaned forward, and in a whisper said, "I'm not afraid, Itachi-san."

That charcoal world darkened, and Itachi began to fade, but before he vanished completely, in his eyes, Kokoa saw what she saw the night he ended things with her. She saw a flicker of life, of emotion. She saw guilt. Everything turned to black.  

Only a second had passed in the real world. Kakashi and the others watched the legs of an unconscious Kokoa buckle, but before she hit the ground, Itachi grabbed her by the hair, winding a large section around his wrist for a good grip. He pulled hard enough to sit her up on her knees.

"Kokoa!" Naruto advanced forward. "Kokoa-chan, wake up! What did you do to her?"

"This was interesting, Naruto-kun, Kakashi-san." Itachi said. "A nice show with Kokoa here as my puppet." He gave her a small shake.

"Itachi, what are you…" Kakashi eyed him.

"We go way back, Kokoa and I. But she's a bit naïve, you see. Doesn't know when to keep her nose out of things. I put her in place is all."

"Genjutsu? Tsukuyomi."

"Perceptive as always, Kakashi-san," Itachi said. Kokoa opened her eyes, just enough to see the bit of grass beneath her. Tsukuyomi. She should be out completely just like Kakashi was years ago. Her body ached, and it felt as though someone took a hammer to her skull. Though her vision was blurry and she knew she couldn't stand, she seemed to hear just fine.

"So she's been under your jutsu all along?" Naruto asked.

"From the moment she attacked. You noticed her paralyzed on the sidelines for a good while, no?" Itachi pulled her hair again, drawing her head back against his legs. "Everything she's said, everything she's done, all part of my show. I hope my performance was believable."

"So she didn't protect you?" Sakura asked. "Naruto could have killed her. She almost took my hit for you!"

"Not of her own free will. It was my doing," he said. It took everything in Kokoa to keep quiet, to pretend she was still unconscious. Why was Itachi lying? They both knew she decided to jump in front of him. What was he doing? "I was tempted to use her against you. To have you all fight her, but...things would have gotten messy fast. There are secrets to the Kuroki that none but the Kuroki and a few others know. She's quite…" He ran the back of his hand gently along her face, dipping down to grab her chin, his other hand still in her hair, "the useful tool." His lying, calling her a tool, his touch; Kokoa couldn't bear the ache in her heart.

"But it seems she's reached her limit. Useless to me now." Itachi suddenly let go, letting her fall to the ground. He stepped to her right, legs spread, hands together in a seal. "Let's finish this, shall we? I don't have time to waste." Kokoa shut her eyes, hot tears soaking her face. And blood bubbled at her bottom lip where she had bitten too hard.

"Naruto, get the girl," Chiyo said. Kokoa found it hard to breathe again, and her body shook. The aftereffects of the genjutsu. She didn't last much longer. Things began to fade again. Someone scooped her up. Thinking it was Naruto, she was surprised to find Kakashi instead. She hung loosely in his arms, head bobbing. With what strength she had left, the Kuroki looked back towards Itachi, gazing into deep sharingan one last time before slipping into darkness.

 


	58. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello at last. I know it’s been far too long. If you follow the Facebook page, you know I was out of the country for a little bit, and the fall semester started a day after I came back, so things have been hectic. I have a new chapter for you though! And the next one is already in the works, so I’m hoping you won’t have to wait as long for that as you did for this one…even though I enjoy torturing you from time to time. Thank you for your support and patience of course. This chapter and the next one wrap up the Kazekage arc, and then we’ll shift into more Itachi-centered chapters. He needs some lovin’. And then Kokoa finally decides to do something. So I plan to get things rolling. Thanks again. Stay fresh. Ja na!

Kokoa peeled open heavy eyes. Every inch of her ached, and her head spun. She propped herself up on one arm, nauseated. Grass clung to her chin and cheek. And then it hit, all rushing back. She jumped to her feet with a gasp and rushed towards the others. Kakashi spotted her moving from the corner of his eye.

"Whoa! Hey," he said, catching her just as her legs gave out. "How are you awake?" he asked in disbelief. Kokoa kept quiet for a moment, clinging to him. "The Tsukuyomi would knock anyone out for at least a few days. How are you even moving?"

"I don't -" Throat dry, her voice cracked. She turned to cough. "I don't know. But it doesn't matter. Where?" She pushed off of Kakashi.

"Where what?"

"Where is he?" she asked. Naruto stood a bit away with Chiyo and Sakura. He noticed the commotion.

"Kokoa-chan? She's awake!"

"What?" Chiyo watched the girl drag herself over.

"I thought she'd be unconscious." Sakura, too, eyed Kokoa.

"Hey, Kokoa-chan -"

"Where is he?" She cut Naruto off. "Where is Itachi?"

"Well - eh - you see…" He fiddled with his thumbs. She pushed him aside and approached the scene they had been hanging around, eyes widening at the sight.

"So I was right...it wasn't really him, huh?" She held herself, gazing down at the sacrifice used for the jutsu. "He's a Suna shinobi, the one who disappeared."

"I noticed something was off about Itachi too," Kakashi said. "This works out for you then, no?" He leaned close to her, whispering. "He's out of our hair for now, and alive for you later. I have your cooperation now, right?"

"Hai." Kokoa dropped her shoulders with a pained whine. She fought to hold back frustrated tears, but failed, pushing them aside with the back of her hands.

"He attacked you, belittled you, and even used the Mangekyo on you, yet here you are shedding tears for the Uchiha," Chiyo said. "Can you really still love him? What does that make you -"

"What would you know about love, you miserable, old woman!" Kokoa stepped forward with a cry. She had reached her limit. "Nothing! You know nothing of love. Even now, you don't care about your Kazekage. You're only here for politics, self-interest, and what suits you. What could you possibly know about lov -" Kokoa paused, a sensation rippling through her. Looking at Chiyo, it all became clear. She saw everything through her eyes. "Oh. Oh I see," Kokoa said. "You did love once. A child. A child who's no longer around. You loved him, and then you lost him. You mourned him. And it was ok. You!" She pointed a finger. "You can mourn your loss and cling to your past and your pain, but I can't? You justify your own actions but blame me for mine! Is that how it is? Eh!"

"Kokoa." Kakashi stepped between her and Chiyo, pulling Kokoa against him to calm her, but the Kuroki didn't stop, standing up on her toes to look at the old woman over Kakashi's shoulder.

"I bet he isn't so innocent,” she said. “Where is he, huh? I see your guilt! What did he do? Is he a monster too? But you're allowed to mourn him, right? You're allowed to love him still."

"Kokoa." Kakashi put a hand behind her head and pushed her face to his shoulder. "Calm down. You're physically weak and emotional. If you don't take it easy, you'll collapse again. The fact you're awake is a blessing for you and the rest of us."

"Yeah, we're going to need you to get Gaara back," Naruto said. "You're super fast, and having more people is always better. If you can't walk yet, maybe Sakura-chan can heal -"

"No," Kokoa said. "I don't want her near me. She tried to kill me, spoke ill of Itachi-san." She stepped away from Kakashi. "The only reason you're alive right now, Haruno, is because of your little team here. Cross me when you're not hiding behind Naruto, and I'll put your head on a stake like I promised."

“Oh, rot in hell!” Sakura snapped. Kokoa had started off, her only reply a tossing of her hand in the air to brush off the comment. Chiyo grabbed Sakura's arm, squeezing gently.

"Sshhh," she told her.

           

 

Itachi and Kisame had found a quiet spot to sit and meditate before beginning the jutsu. Their copies having been defeated, both Akatsuki members released the hand seal they had been holding.

"Seems like you're finished too," Kisame said. Itachi slowly opened his eyes, blinking a bit at the sun.

"Ah. The chakra's run out," he said.

"Well the sacrifices were only given thirty percent, right? Still, it's a convenient technique that makes perfect copies of us. We could have given them even more chakra. We limited what they could do."

"True," Itachi said, gazing off to the side, "but it was more than enough to delay them."

"I suppose. Anything interesting happen on your side?" Kisame asked. Itachi said nothing for a moment.

"Interesting?" he asked. The Uchiha gritted his teeth, slowly shutting his eyes. "No."

 

"That's a handy technique they have," Kakashi said, looking down at the body again. Kokoa sat in the grass leaning against his legs.

"The fact they're using such high level jutsu can only mean one thing," Chiyo said. "They've already begun extracting the bijuu." Kokoa stiffened, heart sinking to her stomach.

"Ah," Kakashi said, placing a hand on Kokoa's head to ease her. "We have to move fast to save Gaara."

"Gaara-sama…" Kokoa gazed down at her open palms, helpless, hopeless. Itachi had slipped right through her fingers once again, and now Gaara was dying. When did she become so useless? So weak? She cupped her face. Sakura noticed her reaction, but didn't quite understand how Kokoa moved between emotions so rapidly; swearing to protect Itachi one minute, hysterical over Gaara the next.

"What do you mean extracting the bijuu?" she asked. Chiyo took a moment to explain. Afterwards, Sakura turned away in tears.

"You always cry so easily, Sakura-chan," Naruto said. "Don't worry. I'm going to save Gaara -"

"I'm worried about you, Naruto!" She faced him with a pained expression. He smiled a sad smile,  

"Kokoa, where are you going?" Kakashi asked, realizing she had left his side.

"We're saving Gaara, right? There's a foul feeling coming from that way. It has to be Akatsuki."

"Yeah? We need to hurry." Naruto said.  

 "Hai, hai. Let's go," Kakashi said. He jogged over to Kokoa. Taking her arm, he set it around his shoulders and helped her walk.

 "I'm fine, Kakashi-san," she said softly, calmer now.

 "You need to rest. If you don't want me carrying you on my back, you're going to have to deal with this at least."

 "Fine. Arigato."

 "Ah," he said. "And...we'll talk later."

 

"Zetsu," Pein said, "clean up those two bodies we used for the jutsu."

"Understood." All Akatsuki members still stood, focusing on extracting Shukaku. Itachi and Kisame had fully returned not too long ago.

"Itachi, brief us on the enemy's numbers and any special abilities they have."

"Hai." He met Pein. "They're moving in a five-man cell consisting of Sunagakure's senior council member, Chiyo, as well as Konohagakure's Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura, the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki Uzumaki Naruto, and...Kuroki Kokoa." Sasori flinched at Chiyo's mention. And Pein's eyes widened the slightest bit in surprise upon hearing Kokoa's name.

"Kuroki?" Kakuzu said with a tilt of his head, taking a moment to remember the name. Sasori also showed interest. Itachi met Pein's gaze yet again, knowing he already had Zetsu do his research. There was no point in lying or avoiding the subject. He turned away.

"Ah," Itachi said. "Kuroki Akihiko's daughter, Kokoa has inherited the kekkei genkai, able to read people much like her father could."  
"I knew that name. Akihiko, hu?" Kakuzu eyed Itachi. "So she's the one…"

"She's always excelled in tai-jutsu, praised by and sometimes even compared to Konoha's own Maito Gai. She is extremely quick and light on her feet, does fairly well with nin-jutsu, and though she is weakest in gen-jutsu, Kokoa has mastered countering it, even my own sharingan. She has a large chakra reserve, and while she may not know it now, has the potential to become something feared like her father. A tool, an asset to whomever she sides with."  

 

"Everyone, stop!" Kakashi said, dropping from the trees. The rest followed. Naruto had taken over in supporting Kokoa. He let her lean against him. "Let's rest here for tonight.

"Eh! What do you mean?" Naruto said, marching over to his sensei, hands flailing. He caught Kokoa off guard, and she fell to the ground with a thud. She didn't bother getting up, not when all they were doing was arguing. "If we stop now, Gaara will di -"

"Fighting the fake Itachi slowed us down. We need to rest," Kakashi said.

"He's right, Naruto," Sakura said.

"We're all tired. And look at Kokoa."

"Eh? Sorry, sorry." Naruto helped her sit up.

"Tomorrow, we might have to fight the guys who took Gaara, Naruto. We need to be at 100%."

"All right, all right."

 

"So, what should we do about those annoying flies?" Kisame asked. They were close to finishing Shukaku's extraction.

"They were faster than I thought," Zetsu said.

"Not a problem," Pein said. "We've delayed them enough. That, and we have a backup plan."

"Meaning the two of us will have to finish them off, hm," Deidara said, glancing over at his partner.

"Let's hurry and get this done, Deidara," Sasori said. "We've got some guests on the way, and we've got to make sure we're ready for them."

"That's right. We need to prepare a good welcome, yeah," he said. Itachi kept his head down, eyes shut. What would happen? Worse, he wouldn't be able to do anything.

"They're quite annoying, aren't they?" Kisame shrugged with a chuckle.

"Tch, all this fuss. We haven't even found our damn jinchuuriki yet," Hidan said, irritated.

"Settle down. We'll finish our mission soon enough," Kakuzu told him.

"It better be entertaining. I've been itching for a good one."

"I have a feeling it will be."

"Enough chat. Focus," Pein said suddenly. "From now on, I won't forgive any screw-ups."

 

Once rested, the team set out again and met up with Gai's squad not long after. Both teams stood before a large cave closed off with a boulder and barrier seal. There was no doubting it was Akatsuki's hideout. Neji took a look with his byakugan, and the situation didn't look good. Without him saying anything, Kokoa knew that Gaara was dead. She knew by the way Neji anxiously cleared his throat. She knew by the fact she could not sense Gaara, by the twisting in her gut.

They were there and ready, but now the problem was finding a way in. Gai tried a few times to no avail.

"It's gotten noisy outside, hasn't it," Pein said.

"It seems they've arrived," Kisame added.  

"Which group is it?" Deidara asked. "The one Kisame-no danna was holding up? Or is it…" He shifted his gaze to Itachi. The Uchiha stood still, as he always did, with half lidded eyes, dreading what would happen next. Kokoa stood outside, determined to find Gaara, wondering if she'd see Itachi again.

"It's both," Zetsu said.

"They made it here at the same time. Unfortunately for them, they're too late."

"There's another jinchuuriki here right?" Sasori said, laughing under his breath. "And Akihiko's child. Don't think poorly of me, Itachi." He laughed another sinister laugh, taunting the Uchiha. Itachi stared on, sharingan bright in the darkness of the cave. The nerve Sasori had, to not only steal Itachi's mission, but to consider taking down Kokoa as well, possibly for his own sick collection. How serious was the Suna shinobi? And how far would Itachi go?

"We need to hurry and finish up here," Pein said.

"We're not even sure they can make it inside," Kisame said.

"Do not underestimate them," Itachi said, a warning in his voice. "You should know that."

"Sasori. Deidara. Take care of the guys outside. And take the jinchuuriki alive," Pein said.

"Ah."

"The rest are dismissed." They all left one by one, vanishing.

"Itachi," Sasori called out, "just what type of person is the Kyuubi jinchuuriki?" For a moment Itachi said nothing, once again staring at Sasori with cold, cold eyes. Pein paused in his tracks, eyeing Itachi.

"Tell him," he said.

"He's the one who screams and charges first."

"Oh?"

"Can't you be a little more specific?" Deidara asked.

"And what about the Kuroki?" Sasori added. Itachi lowered his hands from the seal and took one last look at him before disappearing without a word.

"Oh my," Deidara said with a shake of his head. Sasori turned away with a grunt. He'd have to figure it out on his own.

 

Dispelling the jutsu, Kisame and Itachi returned, their real bodies still quietly meditating on large stacked rocks, their backs to each other.

"Is this really ok?" Kisame asked. "The Kyuubi’s supposed to be your target." Itachi rose to his feet.

"Let's go," he said.

"He's after your girl it seems. He must know about her father. That's why he's taken an interest in her," Kisame said. Itachi kept quiet. "Probably plans to turn her into one of his creepy projects, no? Ne, Itachi-san, are you going to let him?"

"Let's go," he repeated. With a smirk, Kisame leaned his head back to look at his partner.

"Hai."

 

And just when they thought peeling all the tags at the same time would remove the barrier, they were faced with yet another obstacle. Gai's team, who had dashed off to find the other seals, were confronted with clones, true to life versions of themselves; Akatsuki's counterattack. They had no choice but to fight. Kakashi's team remained by the entrance, wondering how they'd get in now that the barrier had been lifted, worrying about Gai and the others, worrying about Gaara.

"I could hit it," Kokoa said. "Quick tai-jutsu with concentrated chakra. If I hit the right points, I bet I could get it to crumble."

"While that might work, you're exhausted," Kakashi said. "You're not at full strength. It won't be enough, and you'll end up hurting yourself or worse."

"But -"

"I'll do it," Sakura said, stretching an arm. "Hitting its weak points might work, but I have more power. If I hit it dead center…" She eyed the boulder. Kokoa made a face, clicking her tongue. Just when had Haruno improved so much? Kokoa found herself envying the younger kunoichi. She left for Suna for a fresh start, to grow wiser, stronger so that she may protect that which she loved, but all Kokoa was able to do was break in front of Itachi yet again, let him escape, lose Sasuke, and fail Gaara.  

Kokoa flinched, Sakura's smashing of the boulder dragging her out of her thoughts and back to reality.

"Let's go!" Kakashi said. They dashed in, immediately freezing at the sight. Kakashi shut his eyes with a sigh. Chiyo and Sakura stood shoulder to shoulder, speechless.

"You son of a bitch!" Naruto shouted, eyes flickering with a wild Kurama. Kokoa swallowed the knot in her throat, fighting to keep her cool, but the sight of her Kazekage dead on the ground with Deidara sitting on him like he was furniture made her want to destroy everything in sight.

"Where the hell do you think you're sitting!" Naruto shouted, taking another step.

"There's no mistaking it," Deidara said, "that's the jinchuuriki. First thing he'll do is scream and then charge. Heh, Itachi actually described him pretty well."

"Gaara! How can you be asleep at a time like this! Stand up! Wake up!" Naruto kept at it, desperate. "Oi, are you listening! Stop it already -" He glanced to his left when Kokoa placed a hand on his shoulder, her eyes never leaving Gaara's face. For the first time since they had met, he was at peace. The longer she stared, the more violent the storm inside her became. Sure he was at peace, but not because he had achieved it on his own. His life was taken, his dream stolen. Her grip on Naruto's shoulder tightened, nails digging into his skin, and he noticed, understanding she was just as angry as he was.

"Gaara! Listen to me!" He took another step.

"Enough, Naruto!" Kakashi called out. "You should already know…"

"He - he can't be. Kokoa-chan?" Naruto met her eyes, praying for some bit of hope.

"He's...he's gone, Naruto.”

 _'Kokoa?'_ Sasori's gaze drifted over to the girl.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto tried one last time. She too, told him what he did not want to hear. In addition to keeping Naruto from acting out, Kakashi noticed Sasori's interest in Kokoa. What was he thinking?

"So you're the Kuroki?" the Suna ninja asked. Kokoa said nothing, only stared back with fiery eyes and a knitted brow.

"So you're the chick causing Itachi all that trouble, hn," Deidara teased. "Sorry about your friend here." He gave Gaara a pat on the cheek. "Not his lucky day."  
"Where is he?" Kokoa asked, voice nearly cracking.

"Hu?"

"Where is he?"

"It doesn't matter -"

"Where. Is. Uchiha Itachi?" She stepped forward. Deidara pouted at her boldness. "Itachi-san!" she suddenly shouted. "Are you here? Are you hiding from me again! Did I get too close? Did I see something?"

"Are you mad? He's not here," Sasori said. "He left us to finish the job."

"I highly doubt that."

"And why is that?"

"Because he said he would be the one to kill me. If I die, it's by his hand, not yours."

"Some nerve for such a little girl. Still, I wouldn't mind adding your pretty face to my collection."

"Kokoa," Kakashi scolded, grabbing her by the arm. "Stand down. You're in no position to talk to them like that."

"I have every right! Itachi is playing games again, and now they've gone and killed my friend!" She stomped a foot, and chakra, deep grey, clung to her for a moment before dissipating.

"You're not in your right mind to be making decisions like this. You might be willing to risk your life right now, but I won't let you." Kakashi grabbed both her arms, holding her in place. Kokoa couldn't fight back, still worn out from the Tsukuyomi.

"Cut the crap! Give Gaara back!" It was Naruto's turn again, and he charged. With a click of his tongue, Kakashi pushed Kokoa to her knees before leaping in front of Naruto.

"Calm down," he said. "If you charge without thinking, we're all dead. I can't have both of you hysterical."

"Oi, Deidara, I'll take him," Sasori said, taking a peek at Gaara.

"Eh?"

"It seems the junchuuriki and Kuroki want to take him back, and their little friend can't control both of them."

"You make good points, Sasori-no danna. I'll be sure to consider them all."

"Huh -"

"This one is mine." Deidara summoned a large clay bird of his, scooped Gaara up in its beak, and headed for the exit with hopes that Naruto would follow. And sure enough, Naruto did.

"Looks like I won't be able to control him after all. I'll handle the guy outside. Chiyo-baasama, Sakura, I leave this one to you," Kakashi said. "Kokoa. Kokoa, listen." He spun her around to face him, grip tight on her shoulders. "Listen, please."

"Hai." She met his eyes. "Right now, we need to get Gaara. Naruto's losing control. We have two Akatsuki members who we know nothing about. You're not at 100%. I need you to listen to me." He waited for her to argue but continued when she didn't. "Itachi's not here. He's gone. Focus on this right now. Can you do that? Can you keep your cool long enough to finish this? I said we'd talk once this was all over. I promised you. Can you trust me as you've always done?"

"What do you need me to do?"

"Come with me so I can make sure you're ok. Besides, you might be the only one Naruto listens to now. Stay close behind and act as my back up if need be. Understood."

"Ah."

"This Sasori guy's been eying you. I don't like it. If there's a bounty on your head or something, he could be in on it. You're coming with me."

"Let's go then, Kakashi-san. You have my word."

"Good."  

 

Kakashi, Naruto, and Kokoa pursued Deidara for some time, though Kokoa was beginning to lose patience again. Gaara was dead. She knew that. He had been for some time. Naruto was in denial, and Kakashi couldn't abandon him, but what was she doing? What was she ever really doing with her life? She gritted her teeth, tight, all of her so tight, tight, tight that if she pushed anymore she'd split and fall to pieces. She could run off. She could slip away from Kakashi and do her own thing, but she gave him her word, and he promised they'd talk. Kokoa sighed deeply, knowing she needed to get a few things off her chest. She needed to confide in someone before the chaos inside swallowed her whole.

Snapping back to reality, Kokoa noticed Kakashi pick up the pace, focusing on something, some technique. And then she realized it was the sharingan. Kamui. The sky warped high up beside Deidara, and she held her breath when he came so close to getting caught in it.

"Damn, he got away," Kakashi said to himself, leaning against a tree to catch his breath. Kokoa dashed over, gently placing a hand on his back.

"You tell me to keep my cool, and here you are overusing that eye of yours," she said. Kakashi took a second to breathe, relieved she had come to his side, but that relief didn't last long. Naruto went after Deidara and retrieved Gaara's body with two clones. But Naruto lost control, succumbing to the Demon Fox's Cloak. Kakashi acted quickly and helped the genin before he hurt anyone. Gai's team followed and aided in taking out Deidara, but when Kokoa tried to close in for an attack of her own, her vision blurred before fading to black.

 She found herself in the grass when she came to, not far off from Kakashi. Like before, it all came rushing back. She scrambled to her feet, making her way to the front of the crowd. That's when she saw Sakura sadly shake her head and step away from Gaara. So there really was nothing anyone could do.

"Kokoa -" Kakashi started but fell quiet at her expression. She gazed down at the red head.

 _'I was supposed to be there for you. I made a promise, a promise to help you reach the top, to achieve your goals, to have your peace. I let yet another person down.'_ She glanced to her left. Naruto stood, tears inching down his face. His shoulders trembled.

"Why?" he said. "Why did Gaara have to die like this?" He approached Gaara. "You're the Kazekage, damn it! You just became the Kazekage!" Kokoa shut her eyes, head down.

"Calm yourself, Uzumaki Naruto," Chiyo said softly.

"Shut up!" He spun to face her with angry eyes, such angry eyes, voice strained and pained, tears still falling. "It's your fault! If you goddamned Suna shinobi hadn't put that monster inside of him, this never would have happened! Do you have any idea what kind of burden he carried! Damn the jinchuuriki...You have no right to act like you're better, to label us and use us!" Naruto fell apart, dropping his head and shoulders to sob in his own arms. Kokoa stepped over, eyes still shut, and let her shoulder rest against his.

"I…" he whispered beside her, "I couldn't save Sasuke...I couldn't save Gaara...I trained so hard for three years, and nothing's changed…" And that was enough for Kokoa, as if he had taken the words right out of her mouth; as if he had read her heart. She started to walk away.

"Oi, Kokoa," Kakashi said. He rose to his feet, still exhausted from overusing his eye. "Kokoa where are you going?"

"Away. I'm done."

"But why?"

"I couldn't keep my promise."

 


	59. Uchiha Itachi~Love of the Heart #59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you all this chapter a long time ago, and I feel terrible for making you wait so long. It's the same excuse: School. I'm getting closer to graduating, so I'm taking all my core classes. The work has been rough, so please don't hate me. Break is soon. It's kind of, almost, nearly November haha.
> 
> The good news is that I've been inspired! I was fortunate enough to go to New York Comic Con last week to see THE Kishimoto Masashi-Sensei! It was his first time visiting, and the event was huge, and people were crazy, and I was emotional. It was surreal. I still can't believe I got to see him, my biggest inspiration. So I've been bragging about that, and it really made me want to start writing these fics again. I've been tired and lost motivation, so I hope I'm able to get back into things, and I hope you're ready for some Itachi filled chapters!
> 
> I just wanted to end the Gaara arc with this one and get things rolling! Arigatooo ^^

Kakashi threw out a tired arm, opened the door to his bedroom, then paused, sensing someone inside. Sucking in a breath, he entered slowly and met his guest with parted lips, shock evident in his face.

"Kokoa -" He fell quiet when she brought a finger to her lips.

"When last I looked, no one knew I was back. Is that still the case?" she asked.

"Some think you're dead, others think you disappeared," he said, gently shutting the door. "What happened? Gaara was dead and Naruto got emotional. Then you just left. Where did you go?"

"I came back here. Made it just before I collapsed. The Tsukuyomi isn't something you can just walk off." She brought a hand to her head, grimacing. "I still don't know how I even woke up from it in the first place. Even you were out for a while back then."

"There was a change of events, Kokoa. Gaara's - he's alive -"

"I know. I overheard the commotion."

"But…" The Copy Ninja took a moment to think things over. He crossed his arms with a sigh and leaned against the wall. Kokoa took a seat on the edge of the bed, hands in her lap. "It's been a few days. Have you been creeping around here?"

"Pretty much. I needed to recover without anyone knowing I was back."

"Why did you leave like that?"

"Gaara was dead. We failed the mission. There was nothing left to do."

"Kokoa…"

"He died. I failed him. I had to leave. I couldn't stand being there." She rolled her fingers into tight fists, trembling ever so slightly. "I made him a promise, and I couldn't deliver. I couldn't save him." Kakashi glanced away, knowing this was about more than Gaara.

"Well we've been back for a while now. If you knew he was alive, if you heard us, why have you been hiding? Who have you been hiding from?" Kakashi asked. "What are you planning?" He uncrossed his arms, stuffing both hands into his pockets. Kokoa looked away, eyes heavy, heart heavier.

"I'm leaving," she whispered. "I'm leaving Sunagakure. Tonight - or as soon as I can. Everyone thinks I went missing. It's for the best. I'm no longer anyone's burden. I plan to talk to Gaara tonight and leave."

"He'll just let you go?"

"He and I...have a sort of deal. As Kazekage, he can't let me leave, so he'll also claim to think I'm dead or gone. He wasn't exactly alive to witness everything anyway. I would never want to cause him trouble. I'm doing this as quick and clean as I can. I thought about just leaving, but I want to see him before I go," she said. "The last time I saw him...he was dead. I need to know he's all right."

"What are you doing, Kokoa? What now?"

"Surely you know, Kakashi-san."

"He hurt you. Tsukuyomi isn't a joke. He could have killed you -"

"But he didn't." She cut him off. "He didn't lay a scratch on me. He said he'd kill me - has been saying it all these years, but he can't do it."

"He tortured you with gen-jutsu. Tell me, Kokoa, what did you see? What did Itachi show you?" Kakashi stepped over to her. The girl kept a low gaze, bottom lip trembling at the memory, the fall of the Uchiha. Kokoa turned her face with shut eyes. "I won't accept any more bullshit answers, Kokoa. I won't let you risk your life, let you be so careless. What did you see?"

"I saw that night," she said. "I saw the massacre."

"You saw Itachi slay them?"

"Ah."

"And you're still going to go?"

"I can't deny he did it. I know he did. I've known ever since Sasuke told me. But I also know there's more to his story. I need to know why he did it. This time, I saw guilt in his eyes. I saw emotion, life. There's more, and he's desperate to hide it from me. I have to go."

"You have a life here in Suna, Kokoa. Why walk away from it all?"

"What life? Look around you, Kakashi-san? The only reason I amounted to anything in Sunagakure is because I made friends with the right person. Without Gaara, I'd probably still be in jail. The people here knew my father, but they know I was with Itachi, and that isn't something so easily looked over."

"You refuse to settle down. You're hurting yourself. It's not just other people. You could have something here, a life, peace. You could be happy -"

"Settle down? Settle down and play house? With who? Why? So I can watch everyone I care about get picked off, one by one?" She rose to her feet. Kakashi stepped back. "If I settle down, I become weak. If I'm weak, I'm useless to those who need me. I spent these three years trying to get better, to get stronger and braver to help those I loved, but I keep losing everyone! I can't hold on! Nothing's changed!"

"Kokoa -"

"I couldn't do anything for my parents, homeless and cursed. I couldn't keep Itachi-san. I lost Sasuke to Orochimaru. Gaara died when it was my job to stay by his side. Naruto is being hunted by the same people. Itachi slipped through my fingers yet again! What next? I lose you? My last real friend? I'm tired of believing things will get better in time. Tired of waiting around and watching my important people die. I'm tired of feeling so empty and useless." She let her shoulders fall with a deep sigh. "I'm tired of being alone."

"You're not useless, Kokoa."

"What have I done for you, Kakashi-san? Cause you nothing but trouble and headache. You don't need me."

"I do. You're a friend and a comrade. I've watched you grow. You're as important to me as my team is."

"You may care, but you don't  _need_  me. Just like Naruto wants to help me, but he doesn't really need me. Sasuke told me I couldn't do anything for him anymore. And I failed Gaara. The only thing I can do now is be there for the one person who does need me. The one person I promised I'd always be there for. It's time I sever my ties completely. No more dragging you guys down with me."  
"What does that mean?"

"Tonight I leave Sunagakure to pursue Itachi-san on my own. Whatever happens, happens. If he kills me, so be it. If I'm right about him or by some chance I'm able to stay with him, I will. I won't be bound to a village. He is my home. He always has been."

"Do you understand what you're doing? They think you're dead now, but if you go to Itachi and word gets out, even Gaara can't help you. You'll be rogue, a wanted criminal. This move is the cherry on top, the one mistake everyone's been waiting for. It'll give Danzo reason to pursue you again. You'll be the enemy…"

"I'm not asking for your approval, for your help, or understanding, Kakashi-san. I just need you to accept it. Don't come after me. Don't let Naruto come after me. I'm running out of time. Each day, Sasuke grows stronger. I don't know what he'll become, but the hatred in his heart will push him to find and kill his brother. I need to get to Itachi-san before it's too late. I need to save him from Sasuke. Save him from himself."

"So you're going...just like that? You saw his guilt and now you're sure you can help him? There has to be more. You didn't even know about your kekkei genaki until a few years ago when you met Akihiko."

"Just because I haven't mastered it or known about it for long, doesn't mean these feelings of mine are false," she said. "Besides, it's not just my ability that's pushed me to leave."

"What then? What's so huge that you're willing to run away from this life, Kokoa? Help me understand. It's all I've ever been trying to do, is understand and help you." Kakashi fell back against the wall, arms crossed again.

"He...well he lied."

"Who? Itachi?"

"Ah."

"About what?" He eyed her.

"At the very end, he used the Tsukuyomi on me, right after Sakura tried to kill me. I got sucked into this other dimension, you know how it goes. We talked, he showed me the massacre, and right before it ended, I saw his guilt," she explained. "When he released the gen-jutsu, I should have been unconscious, and I was for a split second, but I woke up, felt him grab me by the hair and sit me up on my knees."

"You were awake?" Kakashi's arms loosened, falling to his sides.

"Yeah. I was. I'm not sure why, but I was."

"So then...what are you getting at, Kokoa?"

"Itachi said I had been under his jutsu all along. That he controlled me, I was his puppet. That he made me jump in front of him. That he made me say all of those things to you."

"And?" Kakashi swallowed hard.

"He didn't. He lied."

"Nani?"

"He cast a paralysis jutsu the first time. That was true. But when I saw you and Naruto narrowing in for the final blow, something in me clicked. I broke out of it on my own. I was not controlled."

"So that means -"  
"I broke the paralysis. I jumped in front of Itachi. I was willing to take Naruto's hit, was willing to risk it all to protect him. It was my choice."

"You would have died for him? It wasn't even the real Itachi!"

"When I faced Naruto and Sakura...I would have died for him, Kakashi-san. I needed him. I had to talk to him."

"But -"

"He lied to you, told you he controlled me the entire time. Truth is, he never controlled me. He could have, but he didn't. He could have killed me, but he didn't. He lied, for my sake! Lied to protect me so you wouldn't think I betrayed you!"

"You're reading too far into things, Kokoa."

"He stopped Sakura!"

"Because he wanted to hurt you -"

"But he didn't! Sure, I saw the massacre, but I deserved it! I am alive because he wants me to be." Her expression softened upon realizing how loud she had been. "He's hiding something. Every time I see him, he cracks a little more. I can't turn my back. Not now."

"You're sure he lied? He didn't brainwash you?"

"I know Itachi-san. I grew up sparring with him. I know his techniques. I know gen-jutsu. I was paralyzed once, and then the Tsukuyomi at the very end. I'm standing here right now telling you I jumped in front of him of my own free will."

"Kokoa…" Kakashi pushed off the wall with a deep sigh and confronted her. "Why? Why do this? You won't get your happy ending, no matter how things go down. I'm not saying this out of cruelty, but in an attempt to protect you."

"I understand, Kakashi-san, but I can't die without knowing his truth, and he can't die without knowing I love him."

"So...when are you leaving? Right now?"

"Yeah. I wanted to talk to you first. You said you wanted to talk, so here we are."

"Kokoa…"

"I'm a big girl, Kakashi-san. My whole life, I've only ever wanted to be with Itachi. He was my escape...my escape from my shyness in class, from my low self-esteem, from my lonely house. He gave me so much. Taught me so much. And when he left, he took it all away." She pushed the hair out of her face. "I have nothing in Konoha. You know that. And I came to Suna for change, but nothing's changed. I'm still the same weak girl. I need to leave to sort things out. And I need to leave to get to Itachi-san."

"Your father would have done anything to see you happy, but I'm not so sure you can be happy, Kokoa," he said. Her breath hitched in her throat, something churned in her gut, and without realizing at first, Kokoa was crying. She brought both hands to her face, but the tears wouldn't stop. And then it was hard to breathe. And she shook in place, her turn to fall apart. Still worn out, she lost balance, but Kakashi caught her.

She stepped close to him, fingers pulling at his shirt, forehead pressed to his chest. She could no longer bear the ache in her chest, the tears that always threatened to spill. She couldn't bear feeling so useless and weak, a burden to all those around her. She couldn't bear the way Itachi looked at her each time they met, hiding behind cold sharingan.

Kakashi pulled her close, arms tight around her, giving Kokoa this moment to break open, holding onto her one last time. His grip tightened at that thought, of holding her one more time, wondering where it came from, wondering what it meant.

_What about Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto teased. Kokoa shook her head with a smirk._

_"That old man? Heh, if things were different, maybe."_

_"Eh! Seriously? I was joking. He's a grandpa!"_

_"He's not that old, Naruto. He's still got some fight in him."_

_"You and Sensei?" He scratched his head, trying to wrap his brain around the idea._

_"He's a good friend, Naruto. He's really one of the only people I've been able to trust from the very start," she explained. Kakashi had wandered back, but kept hidden, too interested in the gossip to reveal himself just yet. "I'm glad to have him in my life. Don't worry though, I won't date your sensei."_

And Kokoa wondered too, wondered just what capered in his heart. She gritted her teeth, shut it all out, and allowed herself to let go completely in the arms of the man who could have loved her if she let him.

 

 

Alone in his office, Gaara sat, chair turned towards the window. He shut his eyes at the cool breeze.

"You weren't there when I woke up," he said, voice soft, kind with a tinge of sadness.

"I didn't think you would...wake up that is," Kokoa said, just as gently. "I thought you were dead. I thought I failed you."

"I was dead." He faced her. "But you didn't fail me."

"I did. You died. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't save you. I was supposed to help you achieve your goals. I was supposed to help you find your peace."

"But I did achieve my goals. I became Kazekage. I made friends. I became someone important, proved I'm not the monster I was. You helped me, Kokoa." Kokoa kept her gaze low, shoulders up tight and stiff. "I don't think you're talking about my peace," he said. This time Kokoa shut her eyes. "What happened out there?"

"I let him get away. And I let you die."

"Kokoa -"

"And now Akatsuki is after Naruto again, and Kakashi is probably willing to risk his life to keep me safe. I'm nothing but a burden, to him and to you. You're Kazekage, not my babysitter. You're not obligated to do anything for me, yet you've always helped me out."

"Because like you, I too made a promise all those years ago," Gaara said. "I helped you because I wanted to, because I think of you as a friend. And I will continue to help you, even if it's this one final time."

"Huh?" She tilted her head at his comment.

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

"How -"

"Why else would you be here now? Why wait to see me? Why do your eyes say goodbye?"

"Hn, you might be better at reading people that I am," she said.

"I won't stop you, Kokoa, or keep you from what you want. You know that."

"No one knows I'm here, except for Kakashi-san. Everyone thinks I disappeared after you died. I plan to slip out tonight. Hopefully you can pretend you haven't seen me either, and no one will ask any questions."

"So you're going after him?" he asked.

"I have to. I want to."

"And you should, if that's what you truly want," Gaara said and stood up from his chair to walk to her. "Don't let anyone stop you. You told me not to let others label me, not to live my life for people who don't understand, who only judge. You do the same. And know that if you ever need a place to stay, I'll do what I can as Kazekage. And if you ever need someone to lean on, I'll do everything I can as your friend, Kuroki Kokoa."

"Hmm." She hummed shyly. "This must be why Naruto likes you so much. I knew there was some good in that complicated heart of yours." She poked his chest. "I appreciate all you've done, and I'm glad to see you alive and well. I wish you a long and happy future, Sabaku no Gaara. And I hope to see you're still Kazekage years from now. The paper work is terrible, but I think you can manage."

"I'll try," he said with a sigh. He held out a hand. "Sayonara, Kokoa." Kokoa stepped forward, gently folding her arms around him, laughing when he stiffened in her hold.

"Take care of yourself." She stepped back, enough to catch his flustered expression before moving to the window. "Sayonara, Gaara."

 

 

"How long are you going to keep this up, Itachi-san? I'm starting to wonder about you," Kisame said. The two sat somewhere dark, somewhere cold and away from everyone and everything, because that's what Akatsuki did; lurk in the shadows and wait. Itachi, shifting on the boulder beneath him, leaned forward, a hand at his forehead. He sighed deeply. "I don't understand you anymore, Itachi-san." Kisame walked over. Itachi looked up when he rested Samehada just inches away.

"What do you mean, Kisame-san?"

"You wipe out your clan and join Akatsuki. Understandable," he said. "You leave behind this Kuroki girl because she wouldn't understand your views. She'd hold you back. Also understandable. Strangely enough, after all this time, you still love her. Even that is understandable, if she was the one person in the world who saw all of you. What I don't understand is why you're running. You're always running."

"Eh?"

"You can't walk away from her. Not permanently. You can't let her go. You love her. And she loves you. So why won't you let her be with you? Every time she gets close, you run."

"Kisame -"

"She's Akihiko's child. I don't think the man in charge would mind if we added her to the gang. Even you said she'd be a great tool to whomever she sides with. And it's obvious she sides with you, Itachi-san."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Then please help me. You've been a solid partner so far, but I can't have you worrying about other things when we have missions to complete. You look pathetic whenever she gets close to you."

"She's...not like us. Tough as she may be, strong, bold, she's not like us. She wouldn't fit in. She'd be destroyed. "

"I think you already took care of that when you broke her heart, Itachi-san." Kisame laughed into his sleeve, eyeing the Uchiha. "The girl is out of her mind, willing to sacrifice herself for your clone just so you two could talk. She'd do anything you asked. I think for your sake and Akatsuki's, you should consider letting her join. You two can have your happily ever after, and we can use the extra manpower, someone who knows a great deal about some of our enemies." The swordsman pulled back his blade. "It's up to you in the end, Itachi-san. But like Sasori, others will put their eyes on her the stronger she gets. Bounties. Akihiko was a monster. No one wants to wait around for his kid to become the same."

"I won't have her here. Not with us," Itachi said. "If you're concerned about me, I'll get over it. I'll be fine in time."

"How much time? It's been years. You're never going to forget her. You think you're protecting her by keeping her away, but perhaps it's by you where she's safest." Itachi shut his eyes and brought the hand back to his face with another sigh. Kisame laughed his laugh again, but decided he had tortured his friend enough. He withdrew to his own corner to rest.

Itachi stood up, his left hand balled into a fist down at his side, his right held up, index finger pressed to his lips in worry. He knew Kokoa saw something before he cut the gen-jutsu. He knew she saw a tiny crack in the wall he spent years building. While he was trying to break her spirit, he instead instilled a new sense of hope in her heart, and he worried more than ever what she'd try next.

"Just what are you planning, Kokoa?"


	60. Chapter 60

Things had finally settled down after the Kazekage incident. Kakashi and his team made it home safe and sound, though they had no idea what was waiting for them. Gaara was well and back in office. Kokoa had managed to slip away without any trouble so far. And Akatsuki took some time to recuperate and discuss their next move. Without any specific mission at the moment, the boys had some time off. Itachi and Kisame parted ways for a bit to explore and treat themselves - well - at least Kisame did. Still frustrated about Kokoa, Itachi spent his time going over their meeting, wondering what she saw and what she was going to do. Of course, Kisame's suggestion bounced around in his head too. Letting her join them? Putting her between all those monsters?

"Tch." He clicked his tongue. There was no way. After all the trouble he had gone to, to push her away, the stories, the lies, he couldn't let it all be for nothing. Itachi came to a halt. It had been drizzling earlier, but the rain fell heavier now. He heard voices and noise from the village not far off, but he wouldn't go make a scene. He found a small hill instead that curved at the top, a sort of hood. He sat beneath it to keep dry. The Uchiha shut his tired eyes, gritting his teeth when he couldn't shake the memory, her face, her eyes, the way her soft skin felt beneath his fingers.

Itachi drew his knees up to his chest and gave into heartache once again. He let his head fall back against the cliff and his mind wander.

 

"You've been distracted," Shisui said, eyeing his best friend.

"Have I?" Itachi asked, mouth full of dango.

"Don't play dumb, Tachi. I know you." Shisui snatched the dango from his hand.

"Oi, give it back."

"Not until you tell me what's got your head in the clouds."

"Nothing. New missions. Work is hard. My father is...himself. Nothing's changed," he said, taking back his dango.

"Liar."

"Thank you for thinking so highly of me, Shisui."

"Tachi, we both know you're a mess. I'm the only one you open up to. Don't start pushing me away too. What's bugging you? Do I have to beat someone up? Even though you're just as capable…" Shisui scratched his cheek with a grin.

"I'm…" Itachi kept walking, picking up the pace a bit. He debated if telling his friend was a good idea or not. But if he didn't tell someone soon, he was sure he'd explode.

"You're?"

"I'm curious?" he said. "That came out wrong...I think."

"What about?"

"Uh - not exactly sure."

"What the heck, Itachi? Work with me here. Get to the point."

"I'm trying, Shisui," he snapped, flustered.

"What's got you so sassy? Is it some girl?" Shisui threw his arms back and stretched with a long yawn, but when Itachi didn't answer, he came to a stop with wide eyes and parted lips. "No. Way."

"Don't -"

"Is there?" He caught up to Itachi and threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Is there what?" Itachi asked, tossing his bare stick into the trashcan as they walked by.

"A lady you're into?"

"N-not exactly."

"So…?"

"I…" If Shisui was this wild already, there was no way Itachi would mention Kokoa by name. They were still only friends. If Shisui knew Itachi had feelings for her, there's no telling what he'd do. It'd be Itachi's nightmare, especially since he had no idea if Kokoa felt the same way.

"You have three seconds to tell me before I hit you, Itachi-kun."

"Fine. How do you know?"

"How do you know what?"

"If you like someone? There - there isn't anyone specific. Yet. I guess. I'm trying to figure out how you know."

"My God, the famous Uchiha Itachi, the young ANBU captain has no idea how girls work."

"I knew telling you was a mistake." He kept walking.

"Oh no you don't!" Shisui pulled him back by the shirt.

"I'm serious," Itachi said, avoiding his friend's eyes. "How do you know if there's something there? I'm not like you, Shisui. I've never...been with anyone."

"Yeah, you don't have to tell me."

"Tch."

"You know when you know."

"Hm?"

"When you like a girl, Itachi-kun, you just know. You get all happy about her. You want to see her always. You can't stop thinking about her."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." He put his arm around Itachi again. "You're supposed to get this feeling in your gut. It's like nerves but a good kind."  
"Good nerves? You're not making sense -"

"Stay with me, Tachi. I'm not done," he said. "You get all flustered and nervous around her, but at the same time, nothing makes you feel safer than being with her."

"At peace?"

"Exactly! Maybe you're not so thick when it comes to love after all, Tachi." Shisui laughed at his friend. He pulled away his arm and gave Itachi a playful shove.

"So what do I do when I find a girl I like?"

"Well you ask her out, duh."

"Like a date?"

"I'm losing you again. Good grief." Shisui sighed deeply.  
"I'm following you just fine. I'm just making sure I get all the details. I don't need to look like an idiot in front of a girl too."

"Impossible. All the girls in Konoha think you're this mysterious bad boy. Of course they have no idea how big of a nerd you really are."

"Again, thank you, Shisui."  
"Hai, hai. You like a girl. You ask her out. She falls in love with you. You guys get married and have beautiful Uchiha babies. Boom." He laughed loudly. Itachi brought a hand to his face with a sigh.

"You're exhausting," he said.

"Of course, you could shake it up."

"How so?"

"Well everyone does dates the first time. When you find a girl you like, kiss her," Shisui said. Itachi felt the dango working its way back up. He held his stomach. "What? Too advanced for you, Itachi-kun?"

"Maybe?"

"Trust me, she'll melt in your hands.'

"What if she doesn't want me to kiss her? I'm not going to walk around kissing people."

"Am I to assume you don't know if she likes you back?"

"Uh - sure." Itachi crossed his arms.

"I'd still kiss her. Asking her out is nice, but boring. Surprise her. Let her know you're serious. If it's meant to happen, it will. So don't worry, even if you're a terrible kisser."

"I regret telling you anything." Itachi was off again.

"Whenever you find this girl, Tachi, I'd love to meet her! She must be something else to put up with you!"

 

Finally away from Shisui and his teasing, Itachi roamed Konoha's streets hoping he'd calm down, but of course things didn't go as he wanted. He moved quick, dodging the person about to run into him.

"Itachi-san?" Kokoa adjusted the stack of books in her arms. "Sorry. It's hard to see with all these," she said. Perfect. She was just the person Itachi needed to see. He was sure he'd be puking up his dango in a few seconds.

"Hi," he said.

"You don't look too well. Are you sick?" Kokoa asked.

"Not really. Tired, is all."

"Well you're off, aren't you? I thought you'd be sleeping."

"Well if I sleep, my father starts asking why I'm being so lazy. And if I stay at home, Sasuke keeps asking me to train him, and to be honest, I'm not in the mood today."

"You always train Sasuke. He'll live." She laughed and shifted the books again.

"So I thought I'd try for some time for myself," he said, staring at his toes. "I love my family, but it's hard being around them so much sometimes."

"Everyone needs some time alone. You're fine, Itachi-san," Kokoa said. "I'll let you enjoy your alone time then." She took a step.

"I don't mind you," he said. "That came out wrong...again…"

"I hope you don't mind me. We are friends, aren't we?" Kokoa raised an eyebrow.

"That's - that's not what I meant…" He rubbed his face, hoping it hadn't reddened.

"You sure you're not sick, Itachi-kun? You might have a fever or something."

"I'm fine, I'm fine. What I meant to say was that spending time with you is different. Like...I like spending my days off with you."

"That sounds a lot better. If you'd like, I'm going to the forest in a bit to draw."

"You draw?" He gave her a look. "Since when?"

"Two days ago. I thought I'd see if I was any good."

"Are you?"

"Meh. The important thing is that I try, Itachi-san. I need to return these books first. If you'd like, you can go on ahead. I'll meet you there in a few. I'm sure no one will bother you out there."

"Ah. See you then," he said and headed off. Itachi had always cared about Kokoa, since they became friends at the academy. He was always protective of her, much like he was of Sasuke, but as they grew, so did his feelings for her. Being quite awkward in some ways, Itachi never really understood those feelings until he reached a point where she was all he could think about, and she was the only person he wanted to see, and he noticed himself looking at her differently, wanting to be with her differently.

Now it was interfering with things. He was distracted, embarrassed, and afraid she might not feel the same way. Sure Kokoa went out of her way for him way too much and she did anything he asked and she understood him like no one else bothered to and she'd probably spend all her time with him if she could, but that didn't mean she had feelings for him...did it?

Finally in the forest, he pressed back against a tree with a frustrated sigh.

"Maybe you should go home and take a nap."

"Kokoa?" Itachi stuck his head out to see her walking over. "That was too fast. Even for you."

"I ran into Kakashi-san on the way. He offered to return the books since he was headed the same direction."

"I see."

"Here." She handed him an empty sketchpad.

"What's this?"

"Paper to draw."

"I don't draw."

"Well you're about to. Come on." She lowered herself to sit in the grass, tugging at his sleeve so he'd do the same.

"I can't draw, Kokoa. I don't even know how to start."

"Art is...something you feel."

"I never knew you were an artist…"

"You're super grumpy today. Work with me, Uchiha." She punched him in the shoulder. "We're all artists. The way we move and fight, I think that's all art, unique to each person."

"Perhaps…"

"So just feel it and see what you end up with on paper."

"Ah." The last thing Itachi wanted to do in that moment was explore his feelings, knowing exactly where they'd end up. They watched the leaves for a while. Some fell. Some twirled in the soft breeze. Others didn't move at all. At some point, Kokoa started sketching. She bit at her tongue in concentration, and Itachi might have laughed at her expression if he wasn't so lost in his head. Kokoa caught him staring at a pile of scarlet leaves. Then she caught herself staring at him. She shifted her gaze back to the paper in her hands.

Suddenly, more than anything, she wanted to move closer to him, wondered how it would feel to lean against him, shoulder to shoulder, two innocent kids with a shared dream beneath the falling leaves. She wondered if she had it in her, or if she'd act on impulse. Of course, it never happened. She swallowed the knot in her throat, swallowed the frustrated whine bubbling in her chest. Love was never an easy thing, especially not when an Uchiha was involved. And there she was, skipping right over _like_ and jumping to _love._

"No way," she said, pulling Itachi out of this thoughts.

"Hm?"

"You're terrible."

"I am?" He glanced down at his drawings. "I think you're right."

"Finally! Something I beat you at." Kokoa jumped to her feet.

"Hey." He narrowed his eyes.

"Don't be upset, Itachi-san. This just proves you're human," she said. "You're not the best artist, but you're good at so many other things. That makes up for it. Let me have my moment." She held out a hand. He took it and let her pull him to his feet.

"You're right...for once," he teased and tapped her forehead. "Uh - Kokoa…"

"Mhm?" She furrowed her brow when he suddenly turned serious.

"I…thank you, for today. It was fun, peaceful. But I should head home before my father comes looking for me. Everyone's home today. They'll want me back soon."

"No worries. I'm glad you came. I'll keep your leaves." She held onto them.

"Protect them for me."

"Of course, Uchiha-sama!"

"Sayonara, Kokoa." He waved gently before turning on his heels. The smile on Kokoa's face faded, and the papers in her hands fell to her feet. She took a few steps, holding onto a tree trunk, fingers digging into old bark, and watched Itachi disappear. An all too familiar ache overwhelmed her.

"You leave. You always have to leave."

 

Itachi grew more awkward around Kokoa each day. Alone, he couldn't stop thinking about her. With her, he wondered just how ridiculous he looked. Did she notice his anxiousness, his strange conversations? Yes, Kokoa did. Though both were unaware of her abilities at the time, it was her kekkei genkai. She couldn't quite understand what Itachi was feeling, only that there was something on his mind and in his heart. She wanted to ask him and perhaps even listen while he vented, but she knew better. Itachi was strange about things like that. He wouldn't open up so easily, even to her.

Eventually, Kokoa started to think something was wrong with her, that maybe he was acting so uncomfortable because he didn't like her anymore. The self-conscious girl kept herself up at night for hours trying to figure out just what was going on in Uchiha Itachi's head. What did the boy she loved so much really think of her?

It went on for a little while longer, until Shisui brought it up one day.

"Tachi, you ever kiss that girl?"

"What girl?" They sat somewhere in the Uchiha compound polishing and counting weapons.

"The one you asked me about. The whole love thing."

"There wasn't a specific girl. I simply wanted to know how you know if you have feelings for someone," he said, never facing his friend.

"Oh. I was sure you were hitting on someone. Too bad. A girlfriend might be good for you. You're alone too much. I can't always be there. It'd get weird."

"I don't mind you, Shisui," he said with a laugh.

"I'm sure you'll find someone, Tachi. One day you'll find a girl you'll never want to walk away from; the love of your heart.

_'Kokoa…'_

 

"Ni-san, why won't you train with me today?" Sasuke tugged at his brother's sleeve. Itachi was in his room on his back sprawled across the floor. He gazed up at the ceiling.

"I'm busy."

"Liar. You're sleeping," Sasuke said.

"Not sleeping. See?" He blinked at Sasuke. "Some other time, ok?"

"You always say that." Sasuke sat down next to him with a sigh, legs crossed. "Ni-san, what's wrong?" he asked after checking to see the door was closed.

"What makes you ask that, Sasuke?"

"You've been weird. More than usual. Are you sick?" He felt Itachi's forehead to see if he was warm.

"No, no. I'm fine."

"Then what is it? And no lying!"

"There's...something I want."

"Like a toy? A weapon?"

"Not exactly, but let's pretend it is."

"Ok. Why don't you go get it?"

"Because."

"Ni-san, that's not a good answer," Sasuke said. He rolled his eyes. "Do you have the money? Are you able to get it?"

"Able to? I suppose."

"So if it's there, and you can get it, why don't you? Ni-san, sometimes you're not so smart." Sasuke crossed his arms. Itachi took a moment. As strange as the conversation was, Sasuke was right. What excuse did Itachi have for not making a move? Sure he was busy, and he wondered how the clan would react to him having a relationship with an outsider, especially since the name Kuroki seemed to mean something to some people. But Shisui was right too. Itachi did find someone he never wanted to leave. It all came together. He loved Kokoa too much to let her go.

"Jeez." He threw both hands over his face. "What am I getting into?"

"Ni-san?"

"You think you're so smart, Sasuke," he said. "You're going to pay." He was up on his knees tackling Sasuke.

"Ni-san! Hey!" They wrestled. "Itachi!" The boys kept at it until Sasuke was so out of breath he was nearly choking.

"There you go, Sasuke."

"What?" he asked, panting on the floor.

"That was your training for today."

"What! Ni-san! Hey, where are you going?"

"There's something I need to do."

 

Just as he thought, Kokoa was under the trees again drawing leaves and twigs. Sensing someone, she set her supplies down and sat up on her knees, crawling a bit to see who was behind the tree.

"Itachi-san," she said, surprised to see him. She noticed the mess on her hands from sketching all day and tried wiping it off on her pants. "You aren't busy today?"

"I did what I had to. I'm free now. I had a feeling you'd be here," he said, eyeing his own shoes. Kokoa kept quiet. Why wouldn't he look at her? What was the tension she felt building in his chest.

"I won't make you draw this time," she said, thinking she annoyed him last time.

"Why not? I need the practice, right?"

"Eh - I mean if you want you can. I didn't want to force you."

"What did you draw today?" He walked over to her, smiling when she struggled to collect her things. She always was a bit of a mess.

"These." She held them up. He looked at the pictures, followed each stroke, each curve. There really wasn't much to say in that moment. He went to her for one reason and one reason only.

"Kokoa?"

"Hm?"

"Would you go…" Itachi couldn't find the right words. He was an Uchiha, an ANBU captain, and he couldn't even ask a girl out to dinner. He sighed, frustrated. Kokoa waited, looked at him with those passionate blue eyes, and he would have lost himself in them if he hadn't noticed the smudge mark on her cheek.

"You - you have something on your face."

"Ack!" She tugged at her sleeve and tried wiping it off.

"Don't rub too hard. You'll turn red."

"I don't want to walk around and have people think I look silly or unprofessional."

"I thought I told you a hundred times, who cares what people think? Just be you."

"Easier said than done," she said and shrugged her shoulders. "It's not so bad when I'm with you though, Itachi-san." She rubbed at her face again. "Is it gone now?"

"Not quite."

"I've made a mess. Sorry -"

"Here." He stepped to her, gently bringing a hand to her face. Kokoa, not realizing what he meant to do, froze when he brushed a thumb across her cheek. If she wasn't always so worried about embarrassing herself in front of Itachi, she would have gasped loudly or choked on her own spit, but she actually managed to keep it together and only shyly lowered her gaze.

Itachi stopped but kept his hand on her face, and Kokoa, dying to know what he was thinking, couldn't bring herself to look up. This was so unlike him and she was beyond flustered, unable to read him. And then her mind wandered further. What if she was reading too much into his actions? She was overreacting. He was only helping her out. Why was she so hot and anxious? And though Itachi looked as cool as ever with those dark eyes of his framed by sleek bangs and cheekbones, he faced the same storm inside his own gut. But he had started it. He would have to end it. Hand still against her cheek,

"Oi, Kokoa." And before she could answer, before she could hum in response or even look up, he had his lips against hers in the gentlest kiss, innocent yet so passionate, so overwhelming for both. The drawings fell from her hands and time stood still.

Itachi pulled away, and as tempted as he was to run off and hide, face and ears burning hot, he knew Kokoa would take it the wrong way and think she had done something wrong. Neither said anything for a moment.

"I - I'm sorry - I should have as -"

"Did you mean it?" Kokoa asked, voice not much louder than a whisper. Itachi blinked in

surprise.

"Nani?"

"Did you...mean it?" She still never looked up, wringing her hands and biting at her lip. Itachi moved close to her again. Two fingers. He tapped her forehead endearingly.

"What do you think?" he said. She lifted her head.

"I...I was hoping you'd do that someday," she said. "I didn't know if you felt that way."

"Hn, I didn't know if you did either." They both fell quiet again. He wiped off the rest of the smudge on her cheek. Kokoa opened her mouth to speak, but -

"This is sudden, I know. But I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be around you unless I was _with_ you, Kokoa. I guess I've felt this way for a while, I just realized it a lot more recently," he said. She tried to speak again, but he continued. "Don't worry about anything or anyone. Don't be scared. Don't be self-conscious. Just be you. I promise, I'll always be there -"

She had her arms around him before he finished. It started out as a normal hug, nice, but then her hold on him tightened, and she pressed her face to his shoulder in hopes of hiding her tears. Of course it didn't work and Itachi noticed. He too, coiled his arms and pulled her close with shut eyes and a smile he smiled only for her.

"A-arigato, Itachi-san. For everything."

"Ah."

 

Itachi, having drifted off, blinked a few times before realizing where he was. It was still raining, a lot more than earlier. Puddles welled and dirt turned to mud and a cold wind rushed through trees. Itachi, shivering, pulled his cloak tighter against himself. He would have to start moving soon. He decided to give it another hour to see if the rain would stop. While he sat in the storm surrounded by his memories and the ghost of Kokoa's kiss, someone else lost in their own memories chose to keep moving instead.

It took Kokoa some time to make it out of Sunagakure. If she wasn't avoiding guards and shinobi, she was taking shelter from harsh desert storms. She had ditched her previous outfit, choosing a matching set of long pants and a long sleeved top instead, dark grey. She carried a bag on her back, of course her ninja gear as always, the Uchiha crest around her neck, and a traditional Suna scarf around her shoulders to keep warm or protect her head and face from the sun. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and hung off a shoulder.

Leaving without saying a word to Naruto, falling apart in front of Kakashi, having to turn away from Gaara, Kokoa needed some time to get back on her feet. And she eventually did get back up with new determination. Itachi spared her, lied for her, and cracked at the very end. It was now or never. And now she didn't have Kakashi pulling her back or Sakura threatening her or Naruto believing deep down in his heart that Kokoa wouldn't side with Itachi. She was free. And she was done taking orders, done letting others spit at her.

She noticed the only time Itachi stopped talking and really listened was when she yelled his name without honorifics in his genjutsu. She had talked back, raised her voice, dropped the polite and innocent part of herself. She faced him, angry. She stood at his level. Itachi wasn't going to have his way. Not anymore.


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been so long! Too long. And I apologize about that. This was my last semester, and things got crazy. But I’m still working on this story. Fear not. I wanted to jump back into things with this chapter. To show where everyone is without taking up too much time or space, so it moves fast. I wanted some action, too, to show Kokoa on the move and hint towards what’ll happen next. I didn’t want it to drag, because I do sometimes take my time getting to the point :P Also, I won’t take months on the next chapter!

"You think your father will ever like me, Itachi-kun?"

"Hm?" Itachi, on his back in the grass beside Kokoa, peeled open an eye.

"Your father, he doesn't like me much."

"He's just picky. Stubborn, too. He doesn't even know you," he said.

"He thinks I'm a big mess."

"You are. Just a little bit," he said, pinching two fingers.

"Shush!" Kokoa inhaled deeply. She rested an arm over her eyes, smiling softly at the sun's warmth. "I wonder what's next."

"Next?" He glanced at her again.

"After this chapter. I'm jonin. You're ANBU captain. But what's next, Itachi-san?"

"We settle down," he said, fingering the bottom hem of his shirt.

"Settle down?" Kokoa rolled over on her stomach and propped herself up on an elbow.

"Get our own place. Our own lives. Away from...from all this." He waved a hand.

"I'd like that."

"Have our own rules. Expectations. A family." He didn't look at her that time, thinking if he didn't, maybe she wouldn't notice the pink in his cheeks. Kokoa shut her eyes and only hummed happily in response.

"The first will be a boy," he said. "An Uchiha boy that looks just like me and my father and Sasuke. And we'll raise him to be strong and brave. The best big brother to his little sister, a baby girl with a scarlet bow in her hair and her mother's bright blue eyes." He gazed up at the sky, squinting once he caught the sun.

Kokoa rolled again, back on her back, only closer to Itachi this time. She grabbed his hand, admiring rough palms and the lines of his fingers.

"We'd get to watch the sunset."

 

On the road for some time now, Kokoa hadn't a clue where to go next. Her severe migraines were back, too, and that made focusing and travelling all the more difficult. Akatsuki had settled down a bit after the Kazekage incident. No one had heard from them, and she couldn't ask anyone who might have an idea. Gaara labeled her missing for a while, cooperating with the council. But they soon gave up searching for her. He declared she was dead and called off all Suna shinobi. Kakashi knew what she was up to, having had that conversation with her just before she left, but he and Gaara were the only ones. And it would stay that way. For now.

 

"Did you hear, Itachi-san?" Kisame asked his partner, who sat tapping fingers on a tabletop. "Word's spread that Kuroki Kokoa is dead. It seems she disappeared after our little show with Suna, and now they've called off their search."

"That crazy bitch? Good riddance," Deidara said, eyeing the stitches where Kakuzu reattached his arm.

"I wouldn't speak about her that way in front of Itachi. You might land yourself in some trouble."

"I lost my arm because of her and her Konoha friends. Like I care. They even took out Sasori no Danna. I'll kill her if I see her again, hn."

"Don't be so sure you can," Itachi said, glancing at his fingernails.

"She's fast, I'll give her that, but that's all she's got, yeah."

"Kuroki Kokoa walked away from my Tsukuyomi."

"Eh?" Deidara fell quiet.

"And considering the things her father passed down to her that no one knows about, she's got a lot more," Itachi said. Kisame smirked to himself. How did Itachi plan on convincing everyone he was over Kokoa if he jumped to her defense all the time? He was going to have to give into his emotions sooner or later, and Kisame hoped it was sooner. He wanted a front row seat.

"Well if we cross paths again, it isn't gonna be pretty, yeah."

"Tch." Itachi turned away, a hand at his forehead. Sasuke was still Orochimaru's target. Kokoa was supposedly dead, but he was sure she out there somewhere, angry and on the hunt.

"Don't stress yourself out, Itachi-san," Kisame said. "It's bad for your health."

 

Naruto and Sakura prepared to set out with their new team. Yamato and Sai were Sasuke and Kakashi's replacements for now. Naruto, missing Kakashi and frustrated with Sai, wished more than anything for Kokoa's help, but she was gone. And even if she wasn't, there's no way she and Sakura would work together. Sakura had tried to kill her, after all.

"This doesn't feel right," Naruto said.

"What?" Sakura stepped closer to him.

"She should be with us. Sasuke was her family."

"Who?"

"Kokoa. She knew him better than we did."

"Naruto, Kokoa abandoned Sasuke the second she sided with his brother. She doesn't deserve to be a part of this rescue mission. She's dead anyway, right?"

"I don't know…

"You don't think she's dead?" Sai asked. Yamato peered over his shoulder at the others. Kakashi had filled him in on most of Kokoa's story and her relationship to Naruto and Sakura, leaving out a few details, including the fact she was alive and on her way to Itachi.

"She can't be. Kokoa-chan is tough. I don't think she's dead. I won't believe it," Naruto said, clenching his fists.

"Kokoa is in a similar position as her Uchiha friends," Sai said. "If alive, she's rogue."

"What do you…" Naruto hated where he was taking things.

"Kuroki Kokoa was imprisoned by Konoha twice. She was in jail a third time when she first transferred to Sunagakure, too. She has a history of running off and causing trouble. If she's no longer under Suna's watch and authority and if she's not dead, well, she's rogue. A wanted shinobi. Dead or alive. Just like Uchiha Itachi. Just like Uchiha Sasuke. Enemies of the Leaf. Just like her father."

"Kuroki Kokoa is dead, as far as we're concerned," Yamato said. "And if she isn't, her business is with Itachi, not Sasuke. We won't be running into her. While you think a reunion would be nice, Naruto, she doesn't belong here."

"He's right," Sakura said. Naruto kept quiet.

 

"Are you going to go look for her?"

"No."

"You should, Itachi-san. Before someone else finds her first," Kisame said. They sat in their own quarters, Kisame tending to his sword, Itachi picking at his nails.

"Who are you referring to?" he asked.

"Now that she's brought some attention to herself, I'm sure there are bounties out there. Akihiko's child, hmmm, I wonder the price."

"I doubt it -"

"Enough with this denial. You know Konoha wants her head. They can't afford both you and her on the loose with their secrets. Suna has to keep up their end, too. And those powers of hers...Ne, Itachi-san, just what is she capable of?" he asked. Itachi kept his gaze low, hanging on to Kisame's every word.

"She can read a person's heart, their true intentions."

"Ho?"

"A skilled enough shinobi can control their thoughts, but the heart," he said, tapping his chest, "is your truth."

"Is she able to read minds liker her father could? What a monster." Kisame smiled a smile that sent shivers down Itachi's back.

"I think it's only a matter of time before she can," he admitted.

"There you go, Itachi-san. She's wanted by two villages at least and anyone who's after bounty money. Everyone knew her father. Everyone knows what she can do if angry enough."

"What are you getting at, Kisam-san?"

"Since I'm not blind or stupid, I know you love this girl. I'm not sure what losing her would do to you. Find her. Bring her back. And get yourself together. We're not here to play games."

"I told you once, she's not coming here," Itachi said.

"And I'm telling you it's not a matter of _if_ she comes, Itachi. It's _when_."

 

Earlier enjoying the yellow sun, Kokoa found herself crouched low with her back against a boulder. Sweat trickled down her face. Her heart raced. A terrible chakra swallowed her. She moved the slightest bit, peeking to see the source, and caught glimpse of red clouds on black. But was it Itachi? She moved back, taking a second to catch her breath. Breathe in. Breathe out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

She took another peek. They were gone. A heat rushed through her. She turned back only to find three large blades at her neck. She did not speak.

"Who the fuck are you?  

Out.

 

He sat up in bed, coughing hard, coughing loud.

"Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto rushed to his side. Orochimaru shook his head, telling him he was all right. "You're almost at your limit, Orochimaru-sama. You'll have to do the transfer."

"I will, Kabuto. Soon. Sasuke-kun is almost ready."

"You can't wait much longer," the medic said, pushing up his glasses.

"Why so impatient, Kabuto?" Orochimaru leaned back against his pillows.

"What if Sasuke-kun fights back? What if things don't go as planned?"

"You said it yourself, even he can't resist the technique. I will have him."

"Sasuke isn't my only concern, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said. The sannin eyed him, waiting for more. "It's Kokoa."

"Akihiko's daughter. Yes, yes."

"She knows Sasuke is with you and what you plan to do. People are saying she's left Suna. She's no longer affiliated with any village, meaning there aren't any rules for her to break. What if she comes after Sasuke-kun?"

"Kokoa isn't coming here."

"How can you be so sure, Orochimaru-sama?" he asked. Sasuke happened to walk by at the mention of her name. He made sure to conceal his presence, but it was too late.

Orochimaru had already sensed him but said nothing, deciding it was a chance to play with the boy's emotions.

"Kuroki Kokoa isn't coming for Sasuke-kun, Kabuto," he said. "She has more important things in mind."

"You don't think…"

"She somehow escaped Konoha, and now she's slipped through Sunagakure's fingers. She isn't coming here because she's on her way to Akatsuki."

"For sure this time."

"Ah. She ended her business with Sasuke-kun a long time ago. Uchiha Itachi is her priority. I wonder…" Orochimaru failed to hide a smirk. "I wonder what she'd do if faced with both brothers. Would she let Sasuke-kun kill Itachi? Would she join Itachi? Who would she choose?"

"I can't say, Orochimaru-sama. I haven't the slightest idea. I would think Sasuke-kun, but -"

"But you've never seen the way she speaks about Itachi. There's a fire in her eyes. A passion. I can't say for sure either, Kabuto, but that's what makes things so interesting."  

 

Kokoa had been having harsh migraines for the last few weeks. They seemed to get worse under stress. She shut her eyes, grimacing at the pain, terrified of the blades at her neck.

"I asked you a question," the man said. "Don't make me force it out of you, though, I wouldn't mind."

"Hidan, what are you on about?" Kakuzu approached his partner.

"I found the rat, Kakuzu," he said. "She's kind of hot, but she won't answer my question." Hidan pressed his scythe against her skin. She shivered at the cold. Kokoa slowly raised both hands.

"I'm not here to fight," she said.

"Ho, ho, it speaks," Hidan said. "Who the hell are you, and why the hell are you sneaking around?" He pressed his weapon harder. Kokoa suddenly stiffened and crumbled to dirt.

"Bunshin?" Kakuzu said. He and Hidan turned around. Kokoa stood a few feet away. She held up her hands again.

"I swear, I'm not here to fight," she said.

"Do we look stupid?" Hidan asked. Kokoa remained quiet. She looked at Kakuzu, realizing he was the more sane of the two.

"If you're not here to fight, then why are you here?" he asked. "And why do you look familiar?"

"Maybe if she told us her damn name…"

"Hidan, enough."

"I'll tell you my name if you promise not to approach," Kokoa said, knowing full well she didn't stand a chance against them.

"How about you tell us your name, and we'll do whatever we want?" Hidan said, leaning against his scythe.

"He's right. You're in no position to be calling the shots," Kakuzu said.

"I'm Kuroki. Kuroki Kokoa."

"Kuroki?" His eyes lit up.

"Koko - a? I've heard that name before." Hidan scratched his head. "Oh yeah, that girl causing trouble for Itachi all the time! So you're the crazy bitch, huh? Nice to finally meet you. You really pissed Deidara off. I have to thank you for that."

"You look just like your father," Kakuzu said.

"You knew him?" she asked.

"I almost fought him. I wondered how that would have gone. From what I've heard, his heart would have been fit for my collection."

"Heart?" Kokoa furrowed her brow, confused.

"Enough memories. Why the hell are you sneaking around. Who sent you?" Hidan said.

"No one."

"Bull shit. Come on. I'm smarter than I look."

"I swear. No one sent me. I'm here alone, for my own reasons."

"And what are those reasons?" Kakuzu asked, narrowing his eyes. Kokoa sucked in a sharp breath.

"I need to find Uchiha Itachi."

"Itachi?"

"I need to see him. We met again recently, when Akatsuki went after the Kazekage, but he ran off, like always. I'm after Itachi. That's it. I have no other motive."

"I find that pretty fucking hard to believe," Hidan said, running a hand through his hair. "A Konoha ninja running around looking for Akatsuki?"

"I'm not a Konoha ninja. Not anymore. I'm not with Suna either. They'd kill me if they found me. Some even think I'm dead. I'm here because I need to see Itachi. That's it. I'm not after Akatsuki. I don't care what you do. I just need Itachi!"

Kakuzu, using the black tendrils running through his body, suddenly bound Kokoa's feet. She looked down in surprise. More threads burst from the ground and coiled around her wrists. He pulled her to her knees.

"You shouldn't yell," Hidan said. "Fucking disrespectful."

"Please," Kokoa said, turning her face afterwards. Her head throbbed. She heard her blood gush in her hears. She heard something else, too. Something she couldn't quite understand. It sounded like Hidan, but when she looked at him, he wasn't speaking. The edges of her vision blurred, but the Kuroki held on. She had to.

"All I am asking is to see Uchiha Itachi. Take me there bound. Blindfold me. Knock me out cold. I need to see him."

"A little pathetic, don't you think?"

"I don't care at this point. I'll do what I have to," she said. "I need your help."

"Not many people know this, but," Kakuzu interrupted them, "there's a certain someone out there who is willing to pay for your head."

"What?"

"Someone wants you. They said dead or alive. Preferably alive. I assume you have some information."

"I have no such thing. I don't know anything about anyone. I barely know about my own family," she said. "Who is this? Who wants me? Is it that bastard Danzo?"

"Oh? You know Danzo?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"Of course I do. He had my parents murdered and spent all these years watching me in case I turned out like my father. That son of a bitch took everything from me."

"Maybe you aren't so pathetic," Hidan said, grinning at her foul language.

"Don't listen to Danzo. He'll play you. He hated my father and killed him. He wants me dead, too, and he'll do whatever it takes. Even if it means accepting help from Akatsuki. You'll get nothing."

"Funny, the wanted girl is telling me not to turn her in," Kakuzu said.

"Listen," Kokoa said, tugging at her restraints. "Listen, please. All I want is Itachi, ok? Take me to him. Take me to your group, to your leader. You'll have the advantage."

"How?" Hidan asked.

"Itachi killed his clan and fled the village. He was an ANBU captain who held a lot of information. Now he's with Akatsuki. I was a jonin back in Konoha, with my own set of information. I'm on the loose and I'm angry and people are afraid of my abilities. That's two Konoha ninja with information. If you take me to Akatsuki, then you have me and my secrets and my powers. I will do whatever you guys want. Use me. Lock me up. I don't care. I just need to see Itachi. But if you turn me in, I lose and Danzo plays you."

"What do you think, Kakuzu?" Hidan looked over to his partner. "He didn't say how much money, did he?"

"No," he said. Kokoa shut her eyes, her head spinning again.

_"Is the bitch playing games?"_

"No games. I promise," Kokoa said.

"How?" Hidan froze.

"What?" Kokoa blinked hard.

"You knew. I didn't say anything."

"You said if I'm playing games."

"The hell I did," he said.

"Did you think it?" Kakuzu asked him.

"Yeah. Don't tell me she's pulling some gen-jutsu bull shit."

"No, it's not gen-jutsu," Kakuzu said, approaching Kokoa. He crouched down to her level and met her eyes, never saying a word.

_"You can hear me, can't you, Kuroki Kokoa?"_

Kokoa swallowed hard. She shook in place, horrified.

_"You can hear me. Just like your father could."_

 


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the formatting is a bit off. I was in a hurry.

            "You gotta be fucking crazy for still having the hots for Itachi," Hidan said. After Kokoa tried convincing the zombie duo to take her back to base instead of Danzo, Kakuzu tightened her restraints and started off with Hidan without telling the girl his plans. Having the nerve to track down Akatsuki and revealing she could read minds like Akihiko, was he really going to give her up just like that?

            "So," Hidan continued, crouching down to Kokoa's level. She sat on the ground with her back against a medium sized boulder. "Did you dump him, or did he dump you?"

Kokoa kept quiet. Her head still ached. She didn't want to encourage Hidan. And she was still quite disturbed by her new abilities. She wondered if her father knew she would inherit his powers. Probably not. He would have told her when they met.  

            "Can you untie me?" she asked, holding up her wrists.

            "Don't," Kakuzu said from a distance.

            "Oh, come on, Kakuzu. It's not like she can do anything," Hidan said. "And if she does, I'll kill her. Duh. I wouldn't mind a sacrifice. It's been a while."

            "We don't have time for your Jashin garbage. Let's keep moving."

            "Where are we going?" Kokoa asked. Kakuzu gave her a look.

            "I don't really have to say it out loud, do I?" he said.

            "I'd turn it off if I could. It's the first time it's ever happened. You must believe me," Kokoa said. "I could read people's hearts, but never their thoughts."

            "Now you can do both. We can't just let you walk away." He started off. "Bring her, Hidan."

            "Hai, hai. So damn bossy." Hidan moved to pull her to her feet, but Kokoa scooched back. She managed to get up on her own and put a few feet between them.

            "What are you doing, girl?" Kakuzu eyed her.

            "How do I know you're not tricking me? That - that your aren't twisting your thoughts to throw me off? Huh?" she said. The fear, the migraines, the lack of sleep, were all evident in her face, in her eyes.

            "You know what I'm planning. What's this paranoia?"

            "If anyone could manipulate their own heart and thoughts to throw off an enemy, it'd be Akatsuki members. I will not let you lie to me. I've been lied to all my life."

            "Oi, calm down. You're causing a scene," Hidan told her. "We don't need this dramatic shit. Kakuzu, just tell her."

            "She's overreacting."

            "She's crazy. Fucking tell her what she wants."

            "Hidan, enough."

            "I just…" Kokoa stepped forward, her vision suddenly fuzzy. "I just want…" She fell to her knees. "Itachi." Black.

 

When Kokoa opened her eyes, she was more confused than afraid. People moved around her, chatting and laughing without a care; the everyday hustle and bustle of Konohagakure.

            "Konoha…" She turned to look around her. Suddenly, two ANBU moved through the crowd towards her. Kokoa was about to run but noticed they hadn't seen her. The walked right by.

            "Am I invisible?" She grabbed a woman gently. "Excuse me?" But Kokoa slipped through her. "Am I dead?" That's when an old bar caught her eye. Something drew her to it. Something strong. And she soon realized why she was there.

Stepping passed the entrance curtains, Kokoa's eyes landed on a familiar face. She smiled at Akihiko.

            "Outosan, it's me, Kokoa," she said. Akihiko never moved, too busy with the man on his other side. "Outosan?" Kokoa reached out to touch his hand, but like before, she moved through him. He could not see or hear her. Kokoa felt a weight on her chest, a sadness in her heart. But there was a reason she was there. It had to be Akihiko's doing. Another bit of the chakra he gave her long ago.   

            "It's not wise to be seen together in public," the man beside him said. Kokoa knew that voice. She peeked over her father's shoulder to see none other than Uchiha Fugaku.

            "I know," Akihiko said, taking a sip of his drink. "I also know - I know about your people."

            "Do you now?" Fugaku said. "Just what do you know?"

            "Tired," Akihiko said. "You're tired." He nudged his empty glass away from him. Kokoa sat beside her father, surprised to see him in the real world with real people where his powers impaired his ability to communicate like others. He paused when he spoke and often blinked hard, as if to shut out the voices clamoring in his head.

            "You'll have to be more specific, Kuroki."

            "Do you think I'm dumb, Uchiha? Like all the others think?" Akihiko tapped a finger on the counter. "I know more than you think I do. I've - I've heard."

            "What?" Fugaku's eyes darkened.

            "You want change. For the Uchiha," Akihiko said, "and soon, someone will act."

            "You have no proof."

            "I'm not on their side, Fugaku."

            "Then who are you fighting for?"

            "My family. And yours...if you help me." Akihiko gazed at his open palms. "You just had a child, no?"

            "Ah. We named him Itachi."

            "Itachi," Akihiko repeated softly. "Sakiko is - she's pregnant. We have a feeling it's going to be a girl."

            "Yeah?" Fugaku stared into his empty cup.

            "Wouldn't you do anything to protect Itachi, like I would for my daughter?" Akihiko said.

            "Of course. My family is everything to me. You of all people should understand that, Kuroki."

            "If we sit around and - and do nothing, they win," Akihiko said, facing Fugaku. But if we make a move, we can create a better village, change it, change the - the system so one day your son and my daughter can walk the streets side by side with their heads held high without ever having to worry about looking over their shoulder." Akihiko bit at his finger. "A life of oppression is not - is not a life I want for my child. Or yours. You know this village. You know who runs it."

            "Akihiko…"

            "Your people are good people, because they are willing to fight."

Fugaku said nothing for a while, digesting Akihiko's words. He looked up at him.

            "We've talked before, about making a move," he said, "but nothing concrete. It was always too risky."

            "I see," Akihiko said, disappointed.

            "But in time, we will. Maybe not tomorrow, or even next year. But when it's right, it's right.

            "What sort of move?"

            "A coup d'état. And someone with your skill might come in handy,” Fugaku said.

            "Is that so?"

            "Do I have your word, Kuroki Akihiko? For change. For your daughter."

            "For Itachi."

 

 

Deidara swallowed the last of his dumpling and made a face when Tobi waltzed by.

            "What's got you so happy, hm?"

            "Me? I'm not happier than usual," Tobi said, setting his hands on his hips.

            "Whatever." Deidara licked his fingers.

            "Keep that attitude up, Senpai, and I won't tell you the news."

            "News?"  
            "Mmmhmm." Tobi crossed the room.

            "Oi, Tobi, spill. What's going on, hm?"

            "Our zombie friends just brought someone in!" He giggled into his hands.

            "What's the noise?" Itachi asked from the doorway. Deidara and Tobi glanced over.

            "Tobi's saying Hidan and Kakuzu brought in a rat. Know anything about it, yeah?"

            "This is the first I've heard of it," Itachi said.

            "They just got back," Tobi said. "They're asking what to do with her. How exciting! I wonder if Leader will have her...killed." He held Itachi's gaze for a moment. "I guess we'll find out! What do you think, Deidara Senpai?"

            "Knowing him, she's probably already dead, hm."

            "That's too bad! I wanted to meet her. I heard she's special."

            "Special?" Itachi couldn't help but ask, knowing Tobi deliberately teased around the subject.

            "She can see things. Read things," Tobi said. Though Itachi couldn't see behind his mask, he was sure Tobi stood smirking at him.

            "Shit," he swore to himself before marching off. 

            "What's got him so pissed off?" Deidara said and rolled his eyes.

            "We'll find out soon enough, Sennnpai."  

 

Itachi quickened his pace when he spotted Hidan and Kakuzu down the hall. Pein stood before them, so Itachi saw his back. He closed in with angry eyes, hoping to conceal the nerves churning in his gut. He stepped in, and just as he opened his mouth to speak, a figure swept across the room to keep him from the others.

            "Konan?" he said.

            "You were not invited to this meeting."

            "I may know something about -"  
            "If Pein wanted you, he would have called for you, Uchiha Itachi."

            "Don't be so quick to turn away the only person who knows what you're dealing with," he said.

            "What makes you so sure we have something you know about?" she asked. "Are you expecting someone, Itachi?" She watched him. Itachi said nothing at first. They both looked up and over at Hidan's sudden laughter.

            "I was wondering when you'd get here, Uchiha! Right on time," he said. Itachi slipped passed a distracted Konan.

            "She's fucking crazy, that girlfriend of yours."

            "Hidan…" Kakuzu rubbed his face, irritated as always. Itachi turned to Pein, his brow furrowed, hoping he had an answer, any other answer.

            "Hidan and Kakuzu ran into someone on their way back," Pein said.

            "Is that so?" Itachi kept his cool.

            "Someone who tracked down Akatsuki and gave herself up in order to reach you, Itachi."

            "I know nothing of this, if that's what you're implying."

            "I'm not. Kakuzu was going to turn her in for a bounty, but she presented an offer he simply was too curious about to deny."

            "An offer?"

            "Call it a revelation," Kakuzu said. "I found Akihiko's child. And it seems she can read minds like he could."

            "So she can…" Itachi took in his words, still keeping his cool. Kokoa was there and there was a chance she was still alive and now she could read minds. She had backed Itachi into a corner.

            "Kuroki Kokoa is now in our hands. Alive." Pein told him. "I've said before, that'd I'd kill her if she kept getting in the way, but her abilities and her dedication to you, Itachi, have changed my mind...for now."

            "I didn't ask her to come. I thought she gave up. Everyone thought she was dead just the other day," he said. "I don't want her here. I have no use for her."

            "That's not your call. She's able to track us and has connections to Konoha and Suna. She either stays in our custody until we figure something out, or I kill her. In front of you."

            "Tch."

             "Drama, drama." Hidan tapped his chin. "She misses you. Try to be a little excited when you see her."

             "Is this funny to you?" Itachi said, sharingan snapping over to Hidan.

             "Obviously. I didn't think I'd get to see any romance while here. Pretty damn entertaining. Especially because it's you of all people."

             "Enough," Pein said. "You're all dismissed."

             "Finally." Hidan strolled out. Kakuzu followed. Itachi stayed in place, staring at the ground.

             "I need you to speak to her, Itachi."

             "I won't," he said.  
             "Itachi, I know about your past. You told me. I spared her for your sake. The least you can do is obey my order."

             "What do you need from her? She's delusional."

             "I can't just let her go. Not now," Pein said. "Go see why she's here. If you really are the reason. See where her loyalties lie. Just what does she expect to do now that she's found you?"

             "She won't tell me. She's stubborn," Itachi said.

             "Then I'll have Konan break a few of her walls. You'll go in later tonight. It's settled."

             "Hai," Konan said. Itachi watched the pair disappear.

 

            Kokoa pulled at the chains around her wrists. She sat up on her knees, cold and afraid and exhausted. She froze when the door opened just enough and a figure slipped in. Konan stood before her, the collar of her cloak high, gazing down at Kokoa.

            "Kuroki Kokoa."

            "Hai."

            "This isn't a place people want to find themselves in," Konan said. "But you're here because you chose to be."

             "I chose Itachi."

             "Where is he now?"

             "Here, somewhere. You just saw him," Kokoa said.

             "So you can read minds after all. Hm."

             "They told you?"

             "Of course."

             "Who are you?" Kokoa asked. "You're not like the others I've met. Not like Hidan or the man with the explosives."

             "I am Konan, our leader's support and a companion of Uchiha Itachi's."

             "Companion?" Kokoa sat up. "How?"

             "It's not something I discuss. Private matters stay private."

             "Private?" Kokoa's heart quickened. Fear struck her.

              "If you're here to rekindle the false love you two had as children, you're too late, Kuroki Kokoa. Itachi said he had no use for you, no desire, because he's turned his lusts towards someone else."

              "What are you -"

              "He never loved you. Not when he kissed you. Not when he held you. Not even when you cried for him after all he had done. You were never enough."

              "You think I'll fall for your game? I see right through you." Kokoa tugged hard at her chains.

              "You've thrown your life away. Do you even remember the sound of his laughter? You were children, Kokoa. Have you felt his hands on your skin? His lips? A

man's kiss -"

              "You can stop."

              "Your relationship with him is rooted in the past. The past he turned away from. You mean nothing. Why would he go back when he has me?"

              "You're lying!" Kokoa shut her eyes, her head spinning again. She tried reading Konan's thoughts, but it wasn't working. She still had no control. She tried reading her heart, but Kokoa's own emotions interfered. Her fear.

              "Why are you here, Kokoa?"

              "For Itachi."

              "Is that so?"  
            "Everything I have done, from the moment we met, has been for Itachi. Every step, every word, bruise, breath, for Itachi. You can stand there and lie, tell me he loves you, and my God, maybe he really does, but he's guilty, and I swore I'd see his truth even if it killed me! Because I love him. As sick and as twisted as I am for it, I never stopped."

Konan moved to the door without another word.

             "Wait," Kokoa called. "Where is he? Bring him!"

             "You don't call the orders here, Kuroki Kokoa. Know your place." She shut the door.

 

             That night, Itachi paced the hall outside Kokoa's cell. She had found him. There was no escaping. All he could do was continue to lie and hope it would be enough to break her. He managed to hide the secrets of his heart from her, using gen-jutsu and her own emotions against her. Now he had to keep her out of his head.

He opened the door. Kokoa, sitting on the floor, her legs to the side, slowly raised her head. Itachi furrowed his brow when she didn't smile or laugh or yell or snarl. He stood before her, silent. She sat, staring up at him, silent. Shadows danced across his face, accenting red sharingan.

            "Always hiding behind those fancy eyes of yours," Kokoa said with a sad laugh.

            "I'm not hiding."

            "Enough lies, Itachi," she said. He blinked, surprised by her sharp words, the bitterness, the lack of honorifics. She had changed since they last met.

             "Lies?"

             "Everything you've said, everything you've done, all a lie."

             "Then why keep coming after me? You do know where you are, right? You know who this is, right? You've got yourself trapped by Akatsuki, people who will kill you if you don't give them what they want."

            "Why do you care?" she said. He fell quiet. "If you hate me, if I'm nothing to you, why do you care what they do? Why warn me? Why come here? To taunt me?"

             "I had no choice. Our leader made me come because of our history in Konoha."

             "I see," she said, eyeing the ground. Neither said anything for a moment. "She's beautiful," she said.

             "Who?"

             "Konan. She said you two were seeing each other. That I don't stand a chance."

             "There was never anything real between you and I, Kokoa."

             "Yeah? She's scary. In a good way."

             "What are you getting at?"

             "She's also a bad liar."

             "Tch." Itachi clenched his fists at his sides. Konan tried playing them off as a couple? It might have worked, had it been against someone else.

             "She doesn't love you, Itachi."

             "There isn't always love in sex," he said, cold. "No strings attached."

             "You've never been the type to run around like that."

             "I'm not that little boy you went to school with, Kokoa."

             "Hn, she lies to me, and you're desperate to cover it up. You say you'll kill me, but you never can. You want me to believe you and your motives and that you never cared for me, but I see you crack more each time we meet!" She lunged forward, her chains pulled tight. Itachi stepped closer to her. He crouched low to meet her eyes.

             "And?"

             "You're not fooling anyone, Itachi."

             "I'm telling Pein you have no information, and that you're too unstable, your powers too out of control. You're a waste of time." He stood up.

             "You won't do that, Itachi."

             "And why not, Kokoa?"

             "Because he'll kill me."

             "So?"

             "And you don't want him to kill me."

             "Why is that?"

             "Because when you were after the Kazekage, you had me in your Tsukuyomi."

             "How is that related?"

             "I jumped in front of you then to intercept the attack from my teammate. I did it on my own. My choice. To protect you."

             "Oh?" Itachi tilted his head. Where was she going?

             "And when you broke the jutsu...:"

             "Get to the point, Kokoa."

             "You had me in the grass on my knees. You had a hand in my hair. Tight. You told them you controlled me from the start. That it was gen-jutsu all along! That you   made me do and say all of those things!"

             "You…" Itachi stepped back, careful not to break character.

             "I heard you, Itachi. I was awake," she said, staring into deep sharingan. "You lied that day, for my sake."

 


	63. Chapter 63

"When you were after the Kazekage, you had me in your Tsukuyomi, Itachi."

"How is that related?"

"I jumped in front of you then to intercept the attack from my teammate. I did it on my own. My choice. To protect you," Kokoa said.

"Oh?" Itachi tilted his head. Where was she going?

"And when you broke the jutsu...:"

"Get to the point, Kokoa."

"You had me in the grass on my knees. You had a hand in my hair. Tight. You told them you controlled me from the start. That it was gen-jutsu all along! That you made me do and say all of those things!"

"You…" Itachi stepped back, careful not to break character.

"I heard you, Itachi. I was awake," she said, staring into deep sharingan. "You lied that day, for my sake."

 Itachi said nothing. He stayed in place, looking at her with those cold eyes, but a storm rolled in his stomach. His heart beat fast, fast, so fast, and fear settled in his bones.

"Admit it," Kokoa said. "Admit you lied."

"What does it matter if I do or don't?" he said.

"You lied for me. You lied so Chiyo and the others wouldn't think I betrayed them and sided with you."

"I told you before, Kokoa," he said, holding tight fists at his sides, "that I'd be the one to kill you. Had I let them suspect you, surely Chiyo or Kakashi would have ended your life."

"You sound ridiculous, Itachi." Kokoa pushed the chains away from her, irritated. "I'm sitting here in front of you willing to hear your story. All these years, I've been chasing after you for that reason alone. I have swallowed your lies and carried the wounds of your sharp words. All to get to this day." Kokoa's voice never wavered. Her gaze never faltered. Itachi clenched his jaw.

"I can't read your heart. You've hidden it from me. And I don't know how my new powers work just yet. But I know you're lying. I see it in your face, Itachi. I feel it in you. Tell me your secrets before I dig them out of you."

"That's why you're alive," he said. "That developed kekkei genkai of yours. I let you go and let you live. And now your power is ours."

"Don't try that with me. I'm here because I chose to be. I'm here for you and maybe because I want to join Akatsuki. Danzo murdered my parents. Konoha labeled you and Sasuke criminals. I was shunned and imprisoned. This is all I've got left. This is my choice. Our lives may be linked, but everything I have done has been my choice and mine alone."

"If you say so, Kokoa." Itachi stepped towards her. "You've always been the type to read too far into things. It must drive you mad, not knowing the answer to anything."

"That's why I've been after you. I just want to know."

"You can hold onto your false hope, Kokoa. Keep thinking I have a truth and that once I tell you what you want to hear, we'll be like we were back then, but you'll get nothing. Only emptiness. You're our prisoner now." Itachi lowered to rest on his knees. Kokoa blinked hard, her head beginning to spin. The room seemed to change, to warp and fade right before her eyes. She fell forward, grabbing at Itachi's legs to try to ground herself. "What is it that you want, Kokoa?"

Kokoa held her breath, giving into his gen-jutsu. She found herself surrounded by black, but not too far ahead, she saw the streets of Konoha, as though she were watching a film on screen. She saw a little girl with a stack of books in her arms walking beside a boy her age. Both smiled and laughed and enjoyed the other's company.

"Let me help you, Kokoa," the young Itachi said and took a few books off the top.

"Arigato, Itachi-san. Once we return these books, dango, my treat."

"You know my weakness."

 

Kokoa, older and out of the academy, wandered the Uchiha compound, eventually arriving at Itachi's house.

"Kokoa-chan!" Sasuke raced over to embrace her.

"Long time no see, Sasuke," she said, crouching down to hug him tight. "Where's your brother?"

"Don't you ever come here to visit me?" The child stomped a foot.

"Why would she do that, Sasuke? She obviously likes me more." Itachi made his way to them. He poked Sasuke in the forehead like always, sticking his tongue out at him this time.

"Don't listen to him, Sasuke. I like you more," Kokoa said. "Let's all do something today, yeah? We've neglected Sasuke enough. He can roll with the big kids."

"Yeah!"

"Hai, hai. Come on." Itachi put a hand in his brother's hair and led him off.  

 

Kokoa saw a woman step out of a small house. She wore a cozy dress and held an infant in her arms, wrapped tight and warm. Kokoa didn't recognize the woman at first, but she soon saw Akihiko in her face and a fire in her eyes and the Uchiha pendant around her neck. Kokoa gasped and stepped back into the darkness from where she watched. She saw her older self, the woman she would have become if things were different.  

A young boy around five-years-old raced out of the house with a smile on face. "Otosan!" he called to the man approaching them. He clung to his father's leg, riding it back over to his mother.

"Your father is tired, Shisui. Try not to break him," Kokoa said, shooing her son back into the house. She turned to her husband, brushing long bangs from his face. "Welcome home, Itachi-kun."

 

The image faded. The black retreated. And Kokoa was back in the cell, still cold and chained. But the fire in her eyes Itachi hoped to extinguish raged wilder than he'd ever seen.

"Is that what you want, Kokoa? Is that what you hope to gain? Your ridiculous dream?" He grabbed her by the hair. He got in her face, his eyes narrowed, his lips near her own.   

"A son," Kokoa said, holding his gaze. "A son. The firstborn is a boy who looks just like you, like Sasuke and your father. A traditional Uchiha male you will raise to be kind and brave. The perfect older brother to his baby sister: a princess with a scarlet bow in her hair and rosy cheeks and my eyes. The vision you showed me, Itachi-san, isn't what I want to create. It isn't my dream. It's yours."

 

He stormed in. Door slammed shut. One hand in his hair. The other against his lips.

"Woah, what happened?" Kisame sat up to greet a shaken Itachi. Itachi paced the room. "Oh, have you finally cracked? Do tell."

"I haven't cracked," Itachi said.

"Then you're about to, Itachi-san. What happened? What did that woman do?"

"She can see."

"See what?"

"She - she can't use her abilities on me. I've countered everything, but she can still see."

"Doesn't make sense."

"I try to break her. I try to kill her hope. But she gets back up every time and reads me like a book."

"That has nothing to do with her kekkei genkai, Itachi-san," Kisame said. He smirked at his partner for a moment, watching Itachi squirm. "She reads you so easily because she knows you. Because she loves you."

"Tch, again with that."

"When will you just give in? You're starting to piss me off, and I like to think I'm a pretty patient person, Itachi."

"I can't give in. Not now."

"Give me one good reason." Kisame rose to his feet. Itachi fell quiet. "The woman you have loved since childhood has given up everything just to be with you. I told you once, Itachi-san, even people like us know how to love. Don't be foolish." Kisame moved to the door. "You might want to prepare yourself. Our wonderful leader has some news for you. I'll see you around."

 

"You wanted to see me?" Itachi approached Pein, shutting the door behind him.

"That girl is quite perceptive. She didn't believe me, did she?" Konan asked. "I thought playing you and I off as a couple would break her, but she's resilient and committed to you."

"Which is why I've made my decision," Pein said.  

"And what is that?" Itachi asked. "Kuroki Kokoa is a valuable asset. With intel on Konoha and Suna, and her growing abilities, she'll come in handy when we make our next move. That's why, Itachi, she's a member of Akatsuki."

"What does that mean?"

"It means Kuroki Kokoa will be freed from her cell and assigned to you. She is your partner. Your responsibility. She obeys your order. If she steps out of line, depending on her actions, she'll answer to you or I'll kill her."

"I refuse."

"You're in no position to do so," Pein said.

"I'm not dragging her around with me. She's not Akatsuki. You can't do this."

"Then I'll kill her," Pein said. "Right here. Right now. In front of you." His rinnegan glimmered in what little light was in the room. "You take her in. Or I take her out. You decide, Itachi."

"Cruel, even for you," Itachi said.

"This woman lives for you. She's thrown her life away for you. I'm giving you the chance to not only keep an eye on her, but to finally love her again, and I'm cruel? You're the one shattering her world with that sharingan of yours every time you two meet."

"Is that all you wanted?" Itachi turned his face.

"Konan will release her soon and inform her of my decision. We've made arrangements. Kisame is still your partner, but he’ll be on his own for a while. You two are taking a break. He's certainly capable of handling things on his own. You worry about Kokoa. Remind her where she is. Keep her in line. When the time comes, I'll put her to the test. You're dismissed."

 

Itachi was in bed, on his back with heavy eyes. The door opened. Konan stepped in.

"You remember your orders, Uchiha Itachi. Do not disappoint Pein." She slipped out, and in walked Kokoa. She held a bundle of clothes to her chest and glanced behind her when Konan shut the door. Itachi turned his back. He faced the wall, old sheets tight in his hand. Kokoa took the bed across from his. She dragged the lit candle closer to her, wondering if he'd face her. She wondered if he'd speak to her. She had seen his dream. The dream they shared as kids. What point was there in hiding still? Did he think she’d believe anymore of his lies?

"You can tell me about it," she said softly. "Your dream." Kokoa huffed when Itachi didn’t speak. The Uchiha gripped the sheets tighter, tempted to face her. But he knew it was dangerous. Having her there, the two of them alone with their feelings in the dancing candlelight, he feared he would fall apart. And this time, he wouldn't be able to pull himself back together. Kokoa blew out the candle. "When you're ready, I'm here, Itachi-san."

 

 


	64. Chapter 64

Kokoa sat on her bed, back against the cold wall. She held her hands in her lap and stared at the lines in her palms as though she were looking for something. Itachi sat on the edge of his bed, his elbow on his knees, his forehead pressed against his hands in exasperation.

"Are you happy?" he said after a long while of silence had settled over them.

"Happy?" Kokoa looked up.

"Look what you've gotten yourself into."

"I'm a big girl. I can handle it."

"A big girl? Hn, adults don't act out like you do. Always running around and causing trouble. Sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

"I did all of that for you, Itachi," she said, meeting his eyes. "Maybe if you hadn't run off like you did, we wouldn't be here. Maybe if you had just explained any of this, you wouldn't have to try so hard."

"I owe you nothing, Kokoa," he said. "I did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn't have to stay or explain anything. All of this is to make yourself feel better. Don't play that game."

"Perhaps I'd believe you if you weren't so desperate to keep me away or convince me you never cared. But every time we meet, you launch some gen-jutsu and use my weaknesses against me because it's the only thing you know how to do." She pointed a finger at him. "If you didn't care, Itachi, if you owe me nothing, why not kill me in the forest all those years ago? Or in front of Kakashi and Chiyo? Why not let Sakura kill me? Or Hidan and Kakuzu. Why make me swear to protect Sasuke if anything ever happened?" Kokoa fell quiet and went back to staring at her palms. Just what was Sasuke up to? Did Orochimaru already win? Or was Sasuke on his way to Itachi?

"A ruse. A cover. Lies," he said.

"All of it?"

"All of it." Neither spoke for a bit. Itachi stared at a dark spot on the ground. Kokoa slowly shifted her gaze, eyeing the way his ponytail fell against his neck. Alone with him, she didn't have to worry about the others. It was quiet in the room. And since Itachi had gone to great measures to keep Kokoa out of his head, she didn't have to deal with stray voices in her own head or any new side effects. She did, however, see and feel his overwhelming sadness, like a dark cloud hanging over him - a weight on his shoulders. And why he wouldn't just give in and share his truth, she had no clue.

"Our fathers knew each other," Kokoa said. Itachi sat up.

"I figured," he said.

"They were going to work together if they were ever hurt or attacked. They shared the same values."

"You speak of your father as though you knew him," he said.

"I do know him. We spoke. I already told you this."

"You weren't delusional? You weren't making things up to get to me?"

"No. I wouldn't lie to you, Itachi," she said. Itachi lowered his gaze. "He left me some chakra before he died. At my lowest point, when I almost gave up, he came to me, somehow in my head. He told me everything about the Kuroki and my mother, about Konoha and Danzo and how the Uchiha were victims too."

"Oh?"

"The Uchiha were pushed to the outskirts, given the measly title of police to shut them up. And even when you did everything Konoha wanted you to do, they still watched you. Even Orochimaru confirmed it. Your father was the head of the Uchiha and mine was the last of the Kuroki and known for his abilities. If Akihiko associated with Fugaku, it'd cause the Uchiha problems. And if Fugaku was involved with Akihiko, they would have been stricter with my father."

Itachi stayed quiet, his heart aching. His eyes never left the ground. Kokoa sighed deeply, wondering what it would take to get a reaction from him.

"Just recently while I was chained up, I had another vision. My father came to me again, but not to speak. He showed me a day from the past. Your father was there with him, at a bar. Both were frustrated with Konoha's harassment. You had just been born, Itachi-san," she said and smiled. "I was still on the way. Our fathers wanted change. They wanted change and peace for their children. My father said he wanted to change the system so one day you and I could walk the streets side by side with our heads held high without ever having to worry about looking over our shoulder."

Itachi still said nothing. He chewed at his tongue, hanging on to every word that left Kokoa's lips. She knew more than he thought.

"The Uchiha were planning a coup d'état, Itachi. And my father was going to help," she said. Itachi looked over at her, careful not to break composure. "But it seems he died before anything happened, and the Uchiha never attempted it."

"The Uchiha were desperate and pathetic, clinging to tradition and old ways. How they ever expected to pull it off or progress was beyond me."

"And that's why you killed them all?" Kokoa moved away from the wall. "Everything our fathers wanted, everything they were willing to die for, it meant nothing? All of it?

"All of it."

"You're out of your mind, Itachi. You don't do the things you did just like that. There's more to this story, but I'm missing the pieces. Don't do this. My father was going to help you. He was going to change Konoha for us."

"Akihiko is not my concern." Itachi avoided her eyes; though the pleading in her voice was enough to rattle him. He rose to his feet.

"He was going to help save the Uchiha!"

"My clan was beyond saving long before we were born. And my father was a fool for thinking yours would be any help."

"You are unbelievable!" Kokoa jumped off the bed. "Lying to my face over and over and over again! Do you think I'm stupid, Itachi? Is that it, huh? You think I can't see? I see it all. I see your guilt and your lies and sadness, all ugly auras clinging to you. There's no point in hiding. Stop wasting time. God knows what'll happen tomorrow. And your brother is going to come for you soon. He's going to kill you! I had to get here first. I had to save you from him and from yourself! So stop this act. Stop fighting. Stop running..."

"I'll deal with my foolish little brother when the time comes," Itachi said. "As for you, we can't have an impulsive little girl causing scenes around here. Deidara is enough. Let's go." He grabbed Kokoa by the hair and dragged her out of the room down dark, disquieting halls.

  

"Let me go! Let go!" Kokoa struggled in Itachi's grip. He kept pulling. "My hair – Itachi –  you're hurting me." He uncurled his fingers and pulled back his arm. Kokoa stood up straight and rubbed her scalp. It burned. "Why do you -"

"Enough!" Itachi had her against the wall, a hand around her throat, bodies close. "Enough memories and old stories. Enough threatening to read my heart. If you can see all this guilt and sadness clinging to me, why can't you figure it out? If you're so damn smart, why are you so blind, Kokoa?"

"Itachi -" She couldn't speak or move.

"You got yourself into this mess, and now I'm stuck cleaning it up, stuck dragging you around with me like a toddler. If you don't want me to kill you, cut the garbage, Kokoa. Stop trying. There's nothing in my heart. I gave it all up long ago."

Kokoa raised her right arm, gently bringing it to his face, and brushed Itachi's bangs out of his eyes. She pinned them behind both ears and dragged her fingers over his jaw and down his neck before pulling back. He stared at her, lips parted, speechless.

"I see more than you think, Itachi-san."

 

Itachi shoved Kokoa towards the table. She gripped the back of a chair and watched him. He stood, chewing at the inside of his cheek as if he didn't know what to do with her.

"She shows herself at last, hm," Deidara said, approaching the two. "How's Akatsuki treating you so far?" He pushed her aside and sat in the chair.

"Stay here," Itachi told Kokoa.

"Where are you going, Itachi-san?" she asked.

"Oh?" Deidara eyed the two.

"That's no concern of yours, Kokoa. Stay here."

"But I'm supposed to stay with you. If Pein hears -"

"He won't hear unless you tell him. I'm not leaving the base. Stay here," he said and left.

"Brrr, how cold." Deidara flashed a smirk. "I don't know why you bother. He thinks he's all that just because of those eyes. He's nothing special, yeah." The blonde reached for the center of the table for a handful of senbei and peanuts. Kokoa circled the table and took the seat across from him. Deidara chewed loudly. "Why the mean look?" he asked.

"You don't remember me?" Kokoa narrowed her eyes at him.

"Of course I do. You're the crazy girl running around yelling for Itachi. Your damn friends killed Sasori no Danna, hm."

"Only because you killed my Kazekage and sat on his corpse like he was furniture. Your Sasori friend had it coming."

"You're just as stuck up as your Uchiha boyfriend. I knew I didn't like you, yeah." Deidara pointed a finger at her.

"Well I'm not here to make friends. Especially not with impulsive shits like you."

"Oi! Watch it! Then why are you here?"

"Itachi."

"I don't think he's happy to have you, hm."

"Oh well."

"I'm serious. The guy is stuck dragging you around. Why bother, hm? What are you trying to do? Get him to run away with you or something?" He grabbed another handful of nuts. Kokoa traced the cracks in the table with a finger. "Or is this all just to make you feel better?" Deidara asked.

"None of your business."

"Mmm, mature." He stood up, ready to leave.

"Wait," Kokoa said. She grabbed some nuts from the dish.

"Yeah?" Deidara stared, waiting for her to say something.

"Your explosives. You called them art."

"What's it to you?"

"I'm curious, is all." She threw a peanut at him. "Show me."

"How do you know I won't blow you up?" He motioned an explosion with his hands.

"Easy. I'll just kill you before you do."

"Hn, whatever. Follow at your own risk, hm." He started off. Kokoa swallowed the last of her snack and followed him.  

 

Itachi, in need of some alone time, wandered off to the darkest corner he could find without raising any suspicion. Keeping an eye on Kokoa and keeping her out of his proved just as difficult as avoiding her out in the world. He was exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally. Tired of hiding, tired of lying and running. Always, always running. The conversation they shared in his quarters brought to surface a few details of that horrific night. Details he didn't quite forget, but thought he buried deep enough. He saw that moon. He felt that wind - sharp.  

"Orokanaru otōto yo...if you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me, and live in an unsightly way. Run. Run and cling to life. And one day when you have the same eyes, come before me."

His world tipped. Sasuke felt himself fade, but as he began to fall, something stirred in him. He caught himself before hitting the hard ground and opened his eyes with a sharingan he would later forget. Itachi briefly eyed his brother with his own Mangekyo, acknowledging that the child had activated the kekkei genkai. The elder suddenly dashed off.

"Wait!" Sasuke ran after him, yanking three kunai from the nearby wall in the process. He pursued Itachi over a few rooftops, getting close enough, and launched the knives, one knocking the Hitai-ate from his forehead. Sasuke fell to his knees, out of breath and clutching the open wound on his arm. Itachi grabbed his headband, quickly slipping it back on before Sasuke made another move and before Kokoa stumbled upon the scene. For a moment he stood still, his back to Sasuke, dead Uchiha members littering the road. For a moment it was real, all too real, and it dawned on Itachi that it would be the last time he'd see his precious little brother for a long while. Though he was out of time, he turned, taking one last look at Sasuke. Tears slipped from wearied eyes; tears Sasuke would forget seeing; tears Uchiha Itachi would cry every lonely night so long as he lived.

Little did he know, Kokoa tossed and turned under her covers that night. Propping herself up on an elbow, she gazed out into the darkness of her bedroom with sleep filled eyes. She shivered and pulled the covers tight around her. Blinking once...twice....three times...she did not open her eyes again and fell asleep, though that terrible feeling stayed the night with her.

When it settled, when all was said and done, Itachi fell to his knees, sick to his stomach. He looked back at Konoha, at his home, his life, a horrible ache filling his chest. He had to walk away from Sasuke, to protect him. But Kokoa? He'd walk away from her, too, but with each passing day, he realized he'd never be able to let her go. No matter what he told himself. No matter how hard he tried.

 

Guess it was not meant to be

But it's not as bad as it seems

It only burns when I breathe, yeah

 

You saw the way that I fell

But I'm better off by myself

That's the tale I like to tell, yeah

 

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye

And everything in me, wants you back in my life

 

Can't let you go

Can't let you go, oh

 

It feels like the dawn of the dead

Like bombs goin' off in my head

Never a moment of rest, yeah

 

Nothing kills more than to know

That this is the end of the road

And I know I gotta let go, oh

 

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye

And everything in me, wants you back in my life

 

Can't let you go

Can't let you go

Can't let you go

Can't let you go, oh

 

Wish I could just find a way

To have all your memories erased

Cause constantly they're haunting me

 

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye!

And everything in me, wants you back in my life!

 

Can't let you go!

Can't let you go!

Can't let you go!

Can't let you go! Oh

 

I can't let you go, oh

I can't let you go, oh

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things: I'm so sorry I've been out of business for a while. Family things and school getting in the way as always. But I am still working on this fic. Don't you worry. It's just taking me longer. It sucks for me, too, but I'll get there. Thanks for being so patient.
> 
> Also, yes, Akatsuki has some sort of base where everyone hangs out and eats and argues. Every fic I read back in 2008 had the same setup. It's just easy to give them bedrooms and a main location instead of walking around all the time. You know how Naruto fics work by now, right?
> 
> It's been ages since I used a song. I have a list where I planned out a few, so we'll see if I can squeeze the lyrics in. As always, thank you so much, and keep an eye out for updates. Much love!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for swinging by. Arigato ♥  
> Facebook.com/Shadowbender16 for updates.


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